Wikiquote

Fresh Off the Boat

American single-camera sitcom television series

Fresh Off the Boat (2015–2020) is an American sitcom television series created by Nahnatchka Khan for ABC. It is loosely inspired by the life of chef and food personality Eddie Huang and his 2013 autobiography of the same name. Huang also executive produces the series and narrates its first season. The series depicts the life of a Taiwanese-American family in Florida in the 1990s.

Season 1 edit

Pilot [1.01] edit

Mitch: I've always wanted to work in a Golden Corral.
Louis: This isn't a Golden Corral. This is the Cattleman's Ranch.
Mitch: But I thought this is a spin-off of Golden Corral. You've got all the same stuff.
Louis: Not the same stuff. It's very different stuff.
Mitch: But that bear is the same.
Louis: The bear's brown. At Golden Corral, the bear's black.
Mitch: Snake skins?
Louis: Different snake.
Mitch: You're the boss. If you tell me that it's not a Golden Corral.
Louis: No, it's not. You're crazy.
Mitch: I am. I mean, not super crazy, because it has all the same stuff.

Home Sweet Home-School [1.02] edit

The Shunning [1.03] edit

Louis: Stop reading those books. Those stories give you nightmares.
Jessica: You know what gives me nightmares. Our bank account. Stephen King should publish my checkbook.
Jessica: I have nothing in common with these neighborhood women! I miss my friends back in DC. We had such pleasant talks... I guess I'm just lonely.
Grandma Huang: [In Chinese with English subtitles] Oh, is the princess lonely? My feet were bound when I was seven.

Success Perm [1.04] edit

Jessica: We are the most successful couple.
Louis: You realize we are swimming in debt too?
Jessica: Yes, but we are swimming together.

Persistent Romeo [1.05] edit

Fajita Man [1.06] edit

Eddie: Delivering fajitas sucks!
Louis: You know what your grandfather's first job was? Selling bread that was so hot that he lost all his fingerprints.

Showdown at the Golden Saddle [1.07] edit

Phillip Goldstein [1.08] edit

Narrator: An Asian kid and a black kid bonding over music by white Jewish rappers. America's crazy.

License to Sell [1.09] edit

Blind Spot [1.10] edit

Very Superstitious [1.11] edit

Ashley Alexander: We've had the Allen house on the market for years, and nobody has been able to sell it. It has a rodent problem...
Jessica: It's "pet-friendly."
Ashley Alexander: The roof has a hole.
Jessica: Skylight!
Ashley Alexander: There was a brutal murder there.
Jessica: [smiling] So statistically, another murder is unlikely!
Counselor Ray: Look into your third eye.
Eddie: My... butthole?

Dribbling Tiger, Bounce Pass Dragon [1.12] edit

Louis: Alright, boys. I got a surprise for you: new uniforms.
[shows a pair of shorts from the box]
Eddie: Where's the rest of the shorts?
Louis: We don't need all the extra fabric getting in the way of our footwork. Come on out, Dave.
[Dave awkwardly shuffles in]
Louis: Look how free his thighs are! [grimaces for a second] And white. Looks like someone bleached a ghost!

So Chineez [1.13] edit

Season 2 edit

Family Business Trip [2.01] edit

Boy II Man [2.02] edit

Shaquille O'Neal Motors [2.03] edit

[Louis is driving Jessica to the dealership]
Jessica: Louis, where are we going? You know I don't like surprises.
[Flashback to Louis taking Jessica to his restaurant at night]
Louis: Sorry! I just forgot my keys!
[Louis unlocks the doors and takes Jessica inside. Suddenly the lights switch on. Before them stand the employees of Louis' restaurant. Mitch is holding a birthday cake in both hands]
Employees: Surprise!
[Jessica screams and punches Mitch in the face]
Shaquille O'Neal: Check out the latest endorsement I just had to reject. Shaq-uila.
Louis: Nice.
Shaquille O'Neal: Basketball-shaped tequila. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The Fall Ball [2.04] edit

Miracle on Dead Street [2.05] edit

Grandma Huang: [dressed as Garfield] Mondays, huh?

Good Morning Orlando [2.06] edit

The Big 1-2 [2.07] edit

Evan: I'm sick of being a good boy. [He throws his moose Beanie-Baby to the floor] I'm sorry, Can-Do. Why do I always hurt the ones I love?

Huangsgiving [2.08] edit

We Done Son [2.09] edit

Brian: Ladies love haikus, Clever crafted word parties, Ladies love haikus.

The Real Santa [2.10] edit

Pan Cultural Seasonal Entity: ...Who wants to see Panny dance?

Year of the Rat [2.11] edit

Love and Loopholes [2.12] edit

Phil's Phaves [2.13] edit

Michael Chang Fever [2.14] edit

Keep 'Em Separated [2.15] edit

Tight Two [2.16] edit

Doing It Right [2.17] edit

Week in Review [2.18] edit

Jessica Place [2.19] edit

Hi, My Name Is... [2.20] edit

Jessica: You've always been an intense vomiter. Remember that time you ate that entire gingerbread house?
Louis: Those gumdrops came out like bullets.

Rent Day [2.21] edit

Gotta Be Me [2.22] edit

Jessica: Field trips are just paid vacations for teachers. I don't pay taxes so they can walk around a museum telling our children that a painting of a soup can is beautiful.
Louis: [having a coming-of-age talk with Emery] Puberty strikes hard and quick. Like a large soda halfway through 'Schindler's List'.

The Manchurian Dinner Date [2.23] edit

Bring the Pain [2.24] edit

Season 3 edit

Coming from America [3.01] edit

Jessica: [while enjoying her first day back in Taiwan, Jessica briefly loses Evan in a crowd, then finds him easily] Y'know what? It would be OK if you were lost here, Evan. There are no pedophiles in Taiwan. People are too busy getting things done to have time for any hobbies.

Breaking Chains [3.02] edit

Eddie: So, you want to be what everyone thought I was when I walked in on the first day? You want to undo all the work I've done over the past two years?
Emery: You mean all the work you've done so you could just be lazy.
Eddie: They're ignorant about who we are and where we come from. Why shouldn't we take advantage of that? They see me coming down the hall, they're nervous. I'm keeping them on their toes, blazing trails, breaking chains. Then they see you coming in with your violin and your camera, and we're back to where we started!

Louisween [3.03] edit

Brian: [the Crew are making plans for Halloween] I say we hit the sorority houses at East Orlando State. We ask for candy, then... you know.
Walter: What happens then?
Brian: I don't know. Something good. I saw half of Porky's last night when Cinemax accidentally descrambled.
Trent: [annoyed] Wow, appreciate the phone call.
Eddie: Guys, focus. It's Hallowe'en. I'm gonna get girls for the rest of my life. I'm only gonna get free candy for another couple years.
Jessica: He could have come home addicted to drugs - or pregnant!

Citizen Jessica [3.04] edit

No Thanks-giving [3.05] edit

Grandma Huang: The Pillsbury Doughboy? No fat ghost sailor's going to tell me what biscuits to eat! [throws nuts on TV] Nuh! [Starts banging on table] Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield!

WWJD: What Would Jessica Do? [3.06] edit

The Taming of the Dads [3.07] edit

Where Are the Giggles? [3.08] edit

How to Be an American [3.09] edit

AAA Employee: Thank you, sir, for your seven years of membership.
Emery: You've been a member since you were two?
Evan: I wanted to join earlier, but I didn't know how to make my wishes known to mom.

The Best of Orlando [3.10] edit

Clean Slate [3.11] edit

Sisters Without Subtext [3.12] edit

Neighbors with Attitude [3.13] edit

The Gloves Are Off [3.14] edit

Living While Eddie [3.15] edit

Gabby Goose [3.16] edit

Five-Year-Old Louis: [Onscreen Subtitles] Mom. Where do babies come from?

The Flush [3.17] edit

Time to Get Ill [3.18] edit

Driving Miss Jenny [3.19] edit

Go Fish Player: She said she had to ditch the buzzkill.
Louis: To who? In what language?

The Masters [3.20] edit

Pie vs. Cake [3.21] edit

This Is Us [3.22] edit

This Isn't Us [3.23] edit

Cast edit

External links edit

 
Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
Retrieved from "https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Fresh_Off_the_Boat&oldid=3335233"