Fresh Off the Boat
Fresh Off the Boat (2015–2020) is an American sitcom television series created by Nahnatchka Khan for ABC. It is loosely inspired by the life of chef and food personality Eddie Huang and his 2013 autobiography of the same name. Huang also executive produces the series and narrates its first season. The series depicts the life of a Taiwanese-American family in Florida in the 1990s.
- Mitch: I've always wanted to work in a Golden Corral.
- Louis: This isn't a Golden Corral. This is the Cattleman's Ranch.
- Mitch: But I thought this is a spin-off of Golden Corral. You've got all the same stuff.
- Louis: Not the same stuff. It's very different stuff.
- Mitch: But that bear is the same.
- Louis: The bear's brown. At Golden Corral, the bear's black.
- Mitch: Snake skins?
- Louis: Different snake.
- Mitch: You're the boss. If you tell me that it's not a Golden Corral.
- Louis: No, it's not. You're crazy.
- Mitch: I am. I mean, not super crazy, because it has all the same stuff.
Home Sweet Home-School [1.02]Edit
The Shunning [1.03]Edit
- Louis: Stop reading those books. Those stories give you nightmares.
- Jessica: You know what gives me nightmares. Our bank account. Stephen King should publish my checkbook.
- Jessica: I have nothing in common with these neighborhood women! I miss my friends back in DC. We had such pleasant talks... I guess I'm just lonely.
- Grandma Huang: [In Chinese with English subtitles] Oh, is the princess lonely? My feet were bound when I was seven.
Success Perm [1.04]Edit
- Jessica: We are the most successful couple.
- Louis: You realize we are swimming in debt too?
- Jessica: Yes, but we are swimming together.
Persistent Romeo [1.05]Edit
Fajita Man [1.06]Edit
- Eddie: Delivering fajitas sucks!
- Louis: You know what your grandfather's first job was? Selling bread that was so hot that he lost all his fingerprints.
Showdown at the Golden Saddle [1.07]Edit
Phillip Goldstein [1.08]Edit
- Narrator: An Asian kid and a black kid bonding over music by white Jewish rappers. America's crazy.
License to Sell [1.09]Edit
Blind Spot [1.10]Edit
Very Superstitious [1.11]Edit
- Ashley Alexander: We've had the Allen house on the market for years, and nobody has been able to sell it. It has a rodent problem...
- Jessica: It's "pet-friendly."
- Ashley Alexander: The roof has a hole.
- Jessica: Skylight!
- Ashley Alexander: There was a brutal murder there.
- Jessica: [smiling] So statistically, another murder is unlikely!
- Counselor Ray: Look into your third eye.
- Eddie: My... butthole?
Dribbling Tiger, Bounce Pass Dragon [1.12]Edit
- Louis: Alright, boys. I got a surprise for you: new uniforms.
- [shows a pair of shorts from the box]
- Eddie: Where's the rest of the shorts?
- Louis: We don't need all the extra fabric getting in the way of our footwork. Come on out, Dave.
- [Dave awkwardly shuffles in]
- Louis: Look how free his thighs are! [grimaces for a second] And white. Looks like someone bleached a ghost!
So Chineez [1.13]Edit
Family Business Trip [2.01]Edit
Boy II Man [2.02]Edit
Shaquille O'Neal Motors [2.03]Edit
- [Louis is driving Jessica to the dealership]
- Jessica: Louis, where are we going? You know I don't like surprises.
- [Flashback to Louis taking Jessica to his restaurant at night]
- Louis: Sorry! I just forgot my keys!
- [Louis unlocks the doors and takes Jessica inside. Suddenly the lights switch on. Before them stand the employees of Louis' restaurant. Mitch is holding a birthday cake in both hands]
- Employees: Surprise!
- [Jessica screams and punches Mitch in the face]
- Shaquille O'Neal: Check out the latest endorsement I just had to reject. Shaq-uila.
- Louis: Nice.
- Shaquille O'Neal: Basketball-shaped tequila. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The Fall Ball [2.04]Edit
Miracle on Dead Street [2.05]Edit
- Grandma Huang: [dressed as Garfield] Mondays, huh?
Good Morning Orlando [2.06]Edit
The Big 1-2 [2.07]Edit
- Evan: I'm sick of being a good boy. [He throws his moose Beanie-Baby to the floor] I'm sorry, Can-Do. Why do I always hurt the ones I love?
We Done Son [2.09]Edit
- Brian: Ladies love haikus, Clever crafted word parties, Ladies love haikus.
The Real Santa [2.10]Edit
- Pan Cultural Seasonal Entity: ...Who wants to see Panny dance?
Year of the Rat [2.11]Edit
Love and Loopholes [2.12]Edit
Phil's Phaves [2.13]Edit
Michael Chang Fever [2.14]Edit
Keep 'Em Separated [2.15]Edit
Tight Two [2.16]Edit
Doing It Right [2.17]Edit
Week in Review [2.18]Edit
Jessica Place [2.19]Edit
Hi, My Name Is... [2.20]Edit
- Jessica: You've always been an intense vomiter. Remember that time you ate that entire gingerbread house?
- Louis: Those gumdrops came out like bullets.
Rent Day [2.21]Edit
Gotta Be Me [2.22]Edit
- Jessica: Field trips are just paid vacations for teachers. I don't pay taxes so they can walk around a museum telling our children that a painting of a soup can is beautiful.
- Louis: [having a coming-of-age talk with Emery] Puberty strikes hard and quick. Like a large soda halfway through 'Schindler's List'.
The Manchurian Dinner Date [2.23]Edit
Bring the Pain [2.24]Edit
Coming from America [3.01]Edit
- Jessica: [while enjoying her first day back in Taiwan, Jessica briefly loses Evan in a crowd, then finds him easily] Y'know what? It would be OK if you were lost here, Evan. There are no pedophiles in Taiwan. People are too busy getting things done to have time for any hobbies.
Breaking Chains [3.02]Edit
- Eddie: So, you want to be what everyone thought I was when I walked in on the first day? You want to undo all the work I've done over the past two years?
- Emery: You mean all the work you've done so you could just be lazy.
- Eddie: They're ignorant about who we are and where we come from. Why shouldn't we take advantage of that? They see me coming down the hall, they're nervous. I'm keeping them on their toes, blazing trails, breaking chains. Then they see you coming in with your violin and your camera, and we're back to where we started!
- Brian: [the Crew are making plans for Halloween] I say we hit the sorority houses at East Orlando State. We ask for candy, then... you know.
- Walter: What happens then?
- Brian: I don't know. Something good. I saw half of Porky's last night when Cinemax accidentally descrambled.
- Trent: [annoyed] Wow, appreciate the phone call.
- Eddie: Guys, focus. It's Hallowe'en. I'm gonna get girls for the rest of my life. I'm only gonna get free candy for another couple years.
- Jessica: He could have come home addicted to drugs - or pregnant!
Citizen Jessica [3.04]Edit
No Thanks-giving [3.05]Edit
- Grandma Huang: The Pillsbury Doughboy? No fat ghost sailor's going to tell me what biscuits to eat! [throws nuts on TV] Nuh! [Starts banging on table] Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield!
WWJD: What Would Jessica Do? [3.06]Edit
The Taming of the Dads [3.07]Edit
Where Are the Giggles? [3.08]Edit
How to Be an American [3.09]Edit
- AAA Employee: Thank you, sir, for your seven years of membership.
- Emery: You've been a member since you were two?
- Evan: I wanted to join earlier, but I didn't know how to make my wishes known to mom.
The Best of Orlando [3.10]Edit
Clean Slate [3.11]Edit
Sisters Without Subtext [3.12]Edit
Neighbors with Attitude [3.13]Edit
The Gloves Are Off [3.14]Edit
Living While Eddie [3.15]Edit
Gabby Goose [3.16]Edit
- Five-Year-Old Louis: [Onscreen Subtitles] Mom. Where do babies come from?
The Flush [3.17]Edit
Time to Get Ill [3.18]Edit
Driving Miss Jenny [3.19]Edit
- Go Fish Player: She said she had to ditch the buzzkill.
- Louis: To who? In what language?