Fools (play)
Fools is a 1981 play by Neil Simon, set in the small village of Kulyenchikov, Ukraine during the late 19th century.
Quotations
editLeon: What would you like to begin with?
Sophia: Languages!
Leon: Good! Which language would you like to learn?
Sophia: (pause) Rabbit!
Doctor: A hard language, rabbit. Hardly anyone speaks it anymore!
Lenya: As long as she gets a few phrases, that's enough to begin with.
Leon: What is your favorite color?
Sophia: My favorite color . . . is yellow.
Leon: Why, Sophia, why is your favorite color yellow?
Sophia: Because it doesn't stick to your fingers as much.
Doctor: Would you like a prescription?
Magistrate: What for?
Doctor: I don't know. Some people like prescriptions. Here, take this to the druggist, pick out something you like, and take it three times a day with a little water.
Doctor: The best. The best of health. You'll live to be eighty.
Magistrate: I'm seventy-nine now.
Doctor: Well, you have a wonderful year ahead of you!
Snetsky: Slovitch, any news?
Slovitch: About what?
Snetsky: About the curse, of course! Has it been lifted yet?
Slovitch: How would I know?
Magistrate: Do you, Leon, take Sophia, to have and to hold from this day on?
Leon: I have.
Magistrate: No. I do.
Leon: You do?
Magistrate: No, you do.
Doctor: He will. He does. Say it.
Leon: "He will, he does." I said it.
Doctor: Don't say what I say. Say what he says.
Leon: What did he say?
Gregor: "I do." Just say "I do"!
Leon: My papa says I do!
Gregor: I'm beginning to hate this curse, I swear to God!
Leon: But the adoption papers...
Gregor: They're false. You trusted me so much you didn't even read them. Here are the documents as proof. I did not adopt him, I divorced him! According to these documents, we are not father and son, we are no longer husband and wife!
Lenya: Dear God, my daughter almost married a divorced woman!
Doctor: Lenya, bolt the door. Draw the curtains.
Lenya: I can't draw curtains. I can draw a cat or a fish—
Doctor: Never mind. Lower your voice.
Lenya: (Bends her knees, making herself shorter.) How low do you want my voice?
Doctor: Young man — have you ever heard of the Curse of Kulyenchikov?
Leon: I can't say that I have.
Doctor: You can't say that? It's not hard. Even Lenya can say that.
Lenya: "The Curse of Kulyenchikov."
