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Fired Up!

2009 film by Will Gluck

Fired Up is a 2009 American comedy film about two high school football players who decide to become cheerleaders in order to be around female cheerleaders.

Directed by Will Gluck. Written by Freedom Jones.
2 Guys. 300 Girls. You Do the Math. (taglines)

Shawn Colfax

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  • You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
  • 'Panthers out'? What are they, a knife gang?
  • Screw football, let's go cheer!
  • Why is she dating that knob-rocket?

Nick Brady

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  • I could be watching Project Runway marathon with Nathan Lane under my blouse and still win the straight award.
  • Bottomless breadsticks only keep you at the Olive Garden for so long, until at some point you look up and say 'Why the hell am I at the Olive Garden with all these fat people?'
  • Do not poop where you eat, remember? That's why they're no restaurants called 'The Bathroom'.
  • Look at that, huh? We're all here thinking inside the box, and you're outside of it, playing a little game of 'What If.' Gorgeous and brilliant, the triple threat.
  • Humans are the only species that can lie, except for maybe chameleons. Oh, and possums, they play dead.
  • We're doing a lot of talking during the routine. I'm new but, this seems like a lot of talking during the routine.
  • So not only do I find out yesterday I'm adopted, the people I've been calling 'mom' and 'dad' are actually infertile impostors who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinnati for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this news dropped on me: my birth father, Bruce, he needs a kidney and I'm the only match! And apparently Bruce needs it stat. Mhm, you need it stat, Bruce? Huh? Well maybe I needed a father stat, instead of this stay-at-home-dad who showers me with love every day of my life this goddamn spermless liar! So now I gotta be at Kaiser Permanente tomorrow at 6:00 am. I know, Bruce couldn't even afford a real hospital. Managed care. It's ironic, huh? He never managed to care for me.
  • Kiss kiss, bang bang, bye bye. Cheer Camp. We are leaving, we are leaving. We are leaving.
  • (repeated line) Name, gimme a name.
  • Shut up! I'm too straight to be gay!
  • I could have one in my mouth and two in each hands and still win the straight award !
  • Why can't I crack this? Dammit!

Brewster

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  • I'm Brewster. (whispers)Not my real name. My parents named me Jack. 'Jack' - so strong, so masculine. We get it! You wanted a boy! Ma name's Jack! I punch bad guys and I kiss girls.
  • That was for the Crocs. You're not an old lady gardening or a baby on the beach. Okay? Now put on some shoes, you're embarrassing yourself.
  • Paint the fence. Cutting the cake. Hangman's noose. Hangman's noose!
  • I tell ya what, your jobs aren't just going over there, sailor. Some of us are coming over here. The world is flat like a son of a bitch.
  • Red leather, yellow leather,red leather, yellow leather;Unique New York,unique New York; Barack Barack Barack Obama.

Poppy

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  • You can piss on my face, just don't tell me it's raining.

Dialogue

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Nick Brady: I think our bus crashed and we're in heaven.
Shawn Colfax: No, we would've heard 'We are crashing, we we are crashing'.
Nick Brady: What are you doing later?
Diora: Not you.
Shawn Colfax: Hiya sis!
Poppy: Why am I looking at you? Speak!
Nick Brady: Poppy, you're getting so big now! How old are you?
Poppy: I'm 60. Can we get past the small talk? The only time you and my brother come to see me is when you need something. What? Skin mags? Mike's Hard Lemonade? Another ride to the clinic?
Nick Brady: [appalled] Poppy!
Coach Keith: [yelling] How do you spell 'fired up'?
Cheerleaders: F! U!
Shawn Colfax: Not really...
Nick Brady: Uh-uh.
Carly: I know at the beginning I might've been a little against you two joining the squad.
Shawn Colfax: I believe you called us 'godless douche-monsters.'
Carly: Actually, it was 'heartless boob- grabbers'.
Nick Brady: Let's bet how many times he says 'shit'. I say seven.
Shawn Colfax: No way. Ten.
Nick Brady, Shawn Colfax: Hey coach!
Coach Byrnes: You shitheads think you're the shit? That you don't need to pay attention out there? I'll kick the shit outta ya! You pumped for football camp?
Shawn Colfax: Eh, I guess so.
Nick Brady: Yeah, two weeks without girls. Who wouldn't be pumped?
Coach Byrnes: Don't mess with me shitdick! I'm gonna push ya like you've never been pushed before. Your muscles will ache, your head will throb. You're gonna shit blood out of holes you never knew you had.
Nick Brady: Well at least we're gonna be in Daytona Beach.
Coach Byrnes: No no. They changed it up this year. Camp's gonna be in El Paso, Texas. Hotter than your shithole. We're gonna get you shits conditioned! Bus leaves Monday at o' shithundred hours.
Nick Brady: Which is...?
Coach Byrnes: 4:45 am.
Nick Brady: Of course.
Shawn Colfax: As usual.
Nick Brady: Mhmm.
Coach Byrnes: Skip your morning shit and get down there.
Nick Brady: Ten 'shits'. You win. How do you always know?
Shawn Colfax: It's a gift. I'm not proud of it.
Nick Brady: Hey, Carly !
Carly: Yeah, I know. It's the most beautiful name you've ever heard, my eyes look like forever and you love every bone in my body, especially yours.
Nick Brady: No, but that's a good one. Do you mind if I use it?
Shawn Colfax: No. No lines. We just wanted to wish you good luck in the cheer camp.
Carly: Guys, I know your game. No girl left unturned.
Shawn Colfax: What ?!
Nick Brady: How dare you ?!

Taglines

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  • 2 Guys. 300 Girls. You Do the Math.
  • Get Fired Up this Spring

Cast

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