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Fat Albert (film)

2004 film by Joel Zwick

Fat Albert is a 2004 film starring Bill Cosby, Kyla Pratt, and Kenan Thompson.

Fat Albert

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  • (repeated line) Hey, hey, hey!
  • I'm Fat Albert.
  • I don't have problems. I solve problems.
  • I can't take my sweater off...because, uh, I don't know what's underneath.
  • Hey! Hey! Hey. Let go my legs. Hey let go my legs. I got to help these people. Wow, look at that guy. Ohh, look at this… Yeah, you can’t tell me he doesn’t need my help. Check out that lady over there. Do I detect tears? Eh, you in the back. Where are you goin’? It’s not over. You gotta watch the end credits.

Doris

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  • (to Fat Albert and the Gang) Okay, other people can see you, too. That's good. I think.
  • This cannot be happening. I'm losing my mind. Yeah, that's it.
  • (repeated line) I do not have a problem.
  • I don't have friends because I don't want friends.
  • Okay, Daddy and I are gonna have to have a long talk. I don't know how, but I'm gonna tell him that we need a gate. Some kind of guard or screen to put over the television set so nobody can get out. Okay.

Reggie

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  • There's no way I'm letting that fat kid get over on Lauri.
  • You haven't seen the last of me, fat man! Fat, fat, fat, fat!
  • Arthur! Learn the handshake!
  • Listen up, everybody! This fat fool is not what he appears to be!
  • Aren't you the hip-hop fool?

Weird Harold

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  • (repeated line) Mush Mouth thinks/says/wants to know (then clarifies whatever was spoken)
  • Don't call me Old Weird Harold anymore. I'm Air Hal'd now.
  • You watch your mouth!

Dumb Donald

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  • [repeated line]: (hits or scratches head) I am so confused!
  • I have no face.
  • [after revealing his face]: I do? I do! I have a nice face!
  • I'm a party animal!

Bill

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  • (repeated line when he cuts Bucky and Dumb Donald off) Guys, guys!

Bucky

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  • (repeated line to Dumb Donald) I know you don't know. I wasn't talkin' to you!

Rudy

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  • Guys, I see...cheerleaders.
  • (to Reggie) Man, you're like school on Saturday...no class.

Russell

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  • Yeah, but you're still Bucky.
  • That's our theme song. You guys can't sing it!

Lauri

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  • Those guys, Albert's friends...they're very strange. I think they could be some kind of a cult.
  • Doris, no one came out of our television set.
  • Doris, why are you acting like such a loser? You're not a loser.
  • (repeated line) Everytime someone tells me they care about me, they wind up leaving me.

Others

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  • Arthur: Yo! Nobody makes a fool out of Reggie except for Reggie.
  • Store Clerk: I know big, and you my friend are big.
  • Danielle: He better not be doing this again!

Dialogue

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  • (Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids has just ended because of breaking news)
  • Doris: No! You missed it *again.*
  • Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey. We can make it another day.
  • Bill: How do you know? Have you ever faded before?
  • Fat Albert: We'll be fine.
  • Bill: You don't care if we're fine! All you care about is staying here with Lauri!
  • Fat Albert: Lauri is important to me. Maybe it's time I started caring about myself.
  • Bill: I don't even know who you are anymore!
  • Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I said I'm gonna stay!
  • Bill: Hey, hey, *hey*! Friends don't let friends fade away!
  • Fat Albert: Don't use my lines on me. Besides, I haven't solved Doris' problem yet.
  • Doris: But I don't *have* a problem!
  • Fat Albert: Yes, you *do*!
  • Doris: *No,* I *don't*!
  • Fat Albert: You think I came out of the TV just for you to tell me you don't have a problem?
  • Doris: I'm fine, I'm fine!
  • Fat Albert: You were watching a happy, fun TV show.
  • Bill: Stop it, stop it! This isn't about her problem, it's about yours!
  • Bill Cosby: People wait till you get to the top of the stairs, then they knock. Who is it?!
  • Fat Albert: It's Fat Albert.
  • Bill Cosby: Yeah, right.
  • Fat Albert: Hello. I'm looking for a Mr. Cosby. Are you his dad? I'm Fat Albert. (Bill Cosby leans on him) Oh, uh, help! Hey--
  • (page turns to Bill Cosby's living room)
  • Fat Albert: I'm sorry, Mr. Cosby. I didn't mean to startle you. You okay?
  • Bill Cosby: No, it's alright, son. Thank you. My boy... how did you get into this predicament?
  • Fat Albert: Well, I... I crawled out of the TV set.
  • Bill Cosby: Crawled out of the TV set. Well, how? How?
  • Fat Albert: I crawled out of there because I heard her crying.
  • Bill Cosby: Who... who'd ya heard?
  • Fat Albert: Well, I heard Doris.
  • Bill Cosby: Doris?
  • Fat Albert: She was sitting on the couch and she was crying.
  • Bill Cosby: Doris who?
  • Fat Albert: Doris Robertson.
  • Bill Cosby: Doris Robertson?
  • Fat Albert: Yeah.
  • Bill Cosby: Do you know where they live?
  • Fat Albert: Uh, North Philly.
  • Bill Cosby: Ohh. (pauses) Albert Robertson... is... Doris Robertson's grandfather. He died some time ago. I designed your character after Albert Robertson. And you heard her spirit, and you crawled through the set?
  • Fat Albert: I... I guess so.
  • Bill Cosby: WELL! That's just fine, son! All you have to do is you just crawl back into the set, we're ready to go--
  • Fat Albert: Oh, no. I don't wanna go back into the set--
  • Bill Cosby: Hey, hey, hey.
  • Fat Albert: Yeah. Hey, hey, hey.
  • Bill Cosby: That's the--
  • Fat Albert: I wanna stay.
  • Bill Cosby: Oh, ho-ho-ho. You know you can't do that. See, you're a cartoon. You're a cartoon, and you have your fellas waiting for you to do more stories. Your fans are waiting to see you on TV so you can solve problems.
  • Fat Albert: Oh, no. I don't wanna go back into the set.
  • Bill Cosby: What do you mean, you don't want to back?
  • Fat Albert: No, I wanna stay here.
  • Bill Cosby: You can't--
  • Fat Albert: The real world.
  • Bill Cosby: You can't stay out here. (demonstrates) You stay out here, you're gonna turn into celluloid dust.

Songs

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Original Fat Albert Theme:

Hey, hey, hey!

It's Faaat Albert!

And I'm gonna sing a song for you.

And we're gonna show you a thing or two.

We'll have some fun now, me and all the gang.

Learning from each other, while we do our thing.

Singin': Na, na, na. Gonna have a good time.

Hey, hey, hey!

Na, na, na. Gonna have a good time.

Hey, hey, hey!

Na, na, na. Gonna have a good time. Hey, hey, hey!



Fat Albert Party Theme:

(begins same as original theme song):

Fat Albert:

Hey, hey, hey!

It's Faaat Albert!

(record scratches, begins new, hip-hop beat):

Viper.:

Come on, big fella, it's time to share.

Bounce youre big belly up in the air.

Hey Yo!

Fat Albert:

I'm gonna sing a song for you.

And we're gonna show you a thing or two.

(Reggie: Aren't you the hip-hop fool)

We'll have some fun now, me and all the gang.

Learning from each other, while we do our thang.

Cosby Kids:

Hey Yo!

Big Al, he makes you feel alright.

Shake your body at the party that we're having tonight.

Hey Yo!

I know you wanna dance with us.

Find a reason to jump around, move your stuff.

Hey Yo!

Ooh, ah, I like your style.

Come on with me let's just break it down.

Na, na, na, na,

Na, na, na, na,

We're gonna have a good time!

Fat Albert:

They call me Fat Albert, that's my name.

And solvin' problems is my game.

Now get jumping if you're feelin' what I'm sayin', no delayin'.

Hey, hey, hey, man!

I'm so happy, so glad.

I wanna check myself,

Pinch myself,

Look at me, I love myself.

Since fat's where it's at I don't wanna get skinny.

For what? I like the bigger heart that's within me!

Cosby Kids:

Hey Yo!

Big Al, he make you feel alright.

Shake your body at the party that we're having tonight.

Hey Yo!

I know you wanna dance with us.

Find a reason to jump around, move your stuff.

Hey Yo!

Ooh, ah, I like your style.

Come on with me let's just break it down.

Na, na, na, na,

Na, na, na, na,

We're gonna have a good time!

Bill: (Go, Albert! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!)

Mush Mouth:

Howba, doba. (How ya doin?)

I gobe by da name of Mush Mouth. (I go by the name of Mush Mouth.)

I don't know what I'm sayin'.

But I know one thing,

We making mell butta bubba. (Ya, bodies bounce.)

Ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba bow butta. (B-b-b-bounce, but, uh)

I so ba jang when I hold my thang. (So, I do my thang)

Oh, but that was just thingamathing. (But that was just shakin' my thang)

Na, na, na, na, na

Cosby Kids:

Na, na, na, na, na

Hey Yo!

Big Al, he make you feel alright.

Shake your body at the party that we're having tonight.

Hey Yo!

I know you wanna dance with us.

Find a reason to jump around, move your stuff. Hey Yo!

Ooh, ah, I like your style.

Come on with me let's just break it down.

Na, na, na, na,

Na, na, na, na,

We're gonna have a good time!


Goin' To the Park:

(the Gang starts beatboxing)

Fat Albert:

Goin' to the park just to have some fun.

Waitin' on 2:30 just for our rerun.

We want to solve problems, just me and my gang.

(beatboxing pauses)

(resumes)

Fat Albert:

Hey, you we doin' our thang!

We doin' our thang, we doin' our thang!

Gang:

To the park! To the park!


Fat Albert Original Theme (Bad Version):

Na, na, na

Gonna have a bad time.

Ha, ha, ha!

Na, na, na

Gonna have a bad time.

Ha, ha, ha!

Na, na, na

Gonna have a bad time.

Ha, ha, ha!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Cast

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Main Roles

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Supporting Roles

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Cameo Appearances

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