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Family Ties

television series

Family Ties (1982–1989) was an American television sitcom which aired on NBC. At the height of its popularity, the program was #2 in the yearly Nielsen ratings for two straight seasons (1985–86 and 1986–87).

Season 1

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Pilot [1.01]

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Steven: [about Alex] I haven't seen him this excited since Reagan got elected.
Steven: [to Elyse] Do you think maybe he was switched at birth and the Rockefellers have our kid?
Elyse: Alex, maybe you're getting a little carried away here. I mean, if Kimberly doesn't like you or your family for who they are, then maybe she isn't worth caring about at all, don't you think?
Alex: Are you going to wear your hair like that, or are you going to put it up?
Mallory: [witnessing her parents kissing in the kitchen] You guys have been married for a long time. Haven't you had enough?
Alex: How do I look?
Steven: Middle-aged.
Alex: Dad, recent studies show, that you can predict success by the way a person dresses.
Steven: Alex, you're a young man. You shouldn't be worried about success. You should be thinking about hopping on a steam trainer, and going around the world, or putting a pack on your back and heading down to Mexico, South America, or anywhere.
Alex: The 1960's are over Dad.
Steven: Thanks for the tip.

Not With My Sister You Don't [1.02]

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I Know Jennifer's Boyfriend [1.03]

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Summer of '82 [1.04]

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I Never Killed for My Father [1.05]

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Give Uncle Arthur a Kiss [1.06]

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Big Brother is Watching [1.07]

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No Nukes Is Good Nukes [1.08]

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Death of a Grocer [1.09]

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Jennifer: What's impetuous?
Steven: Well, uh. That's when you do something without thinking it through.
Jennifer: Like when you guys decided to have Alex?
Alex: Skippy, remember when we were little kids, and I accidentally ran over you with my bicycle?
Skippy: Yeah.
Alex: I drive a car now.

Have Gun, Will Unravel [1.10]

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A Christmas Story [1.11]

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Oops [1.12]

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Sherry Baby [1.13]

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Mallory: What do you say, Alex? She really thinks you're cute.
Alex: Look, Mallory. I don't go out with girls who have an IQ lower than room temperature, or have contagious diseases, or friends of yours. And there's certainly some overlap in those categories.
Alex: [turning on the radio] Oh I hope you don't mind, it's time for the commerce and shipping news.
Mallory: Alex we do mind we're doing a project for school here.
Alex: All right, all right I'll listen to it upstairs, it's a lot more exciting in stereo anyway.
Elyse: What happened?
Alex: Oh he was going out for a pass and he ran into the pole.
Jennifer: I told you to run down and in Skippy, you were supposed to go to the pole and stop!
Skippy: I did, I stopped when I hit the pole.
Elyse: Who is Sherry Marshall?
Mallory: She happens to be a Pi Nu the best sorority in the whole world, she's the president.
Steven: Is she coming alone or with some secret service agents?

The Fugitive: Part 1 [1.14]

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Elyse: Mr. Carlyle, Do you really believe that my brother stole that money? I mean, he's not the type.
Carlyle: I'll mention that to the guys in New York. But to be honest with you: I think they're going to want to push ahead with the case anyway.
Carlyle: [on what would happen if it turned out that the Keatons were lying to him about where Ned is] Well, hypothetically speaking, you would be hypothetically arrested for harboring a known criminal, and hypothetically sent to a very real jail.

The Fugitive: Part 2 [1.15]

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Margin of Error [1.16]

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Alex: It's like taking candy from a baby.
Jennifer: Brings back memories.
Steven: No movies, no dates....
Alex: Sounds fair.
Steven: ... and no TV.
Alex: Not even Wall Street Week?
Steven: Especially not Wall Street Week.
Alex: Come on Dad. I didn't kill a guy!
Steven: Alex I am out $2,700. I am the major investor in an underwater video company in the Philippines. They probably have a picture of me in one of their huts with the caption, Our Founder. You are lucky to be getting off this easy.
Alex: Oh listen, just in case, I mean if this stock does go up, we are in this 50/50 right?
Mrs. Matthews: This is not very good news is it?
Mr. Matthews: No it is not.
Mrs. Matthews: We invested everything we had with you. Our, our life savings.
Mr. Matthews: We knew there would be risks going in. We discussed that.
Mrs. Matthews: But we are retired people there is no way that we can re-earn what we have lost. We will lose our house, our car.... Is not there anything you can do?
Mr. Matthews: Sorry. Say Hi to Dad.
Mallory: So Alex what are you going to do? Sell your soul to the devil or your body to someone who is nearsighted?
Alex: Jennifer…
Jennifer: Sometimes when you keep a secret all to yourself you get a really bad headache.

French Lessons [1.17]

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Alex: Dad, I'm 138 and 0 against you [in chess].
Steven: 138, 0 and 1. You forgot about the draw.
Alex: I had my appendix out that day.
Steven: The anesthesia had worn off.

I Gotta Be Ming [1.18]

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Alex: I want you.
Ming: You don't want me, Alex. You want another you. You want someone who looks like you, acts like you, thinks like you.
Alex: Is that how I acted?
Ming: Look, I can't be Alex; I gotta be Ming.

Suzanne Takes You Down [1.19]

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The Fifth Wheel [1.20]

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Stage Fright (a.k.a.) Video Jitters [1.21]

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Steven: Hey, Alex. How's it going?
Alex: Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Steven: He seems a bit depressed.

Elyse D'Arc [1.22]

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Season 2

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Season 3

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Philadelphia Story [3.16]

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Alex: Great events make great men.

Season 4

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The Disciple [4.13]

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Alex: You know that I can only do things one way. Out of control.

Season 5

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My Mother, My Friend [5.12]

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[During a game of Scrabble, Alex counterbalances Steven's nonsensical word with one of his own]

Alex: After I "zoquo", I like to "ushnuu"

A My Name is Alex [5.23-24]

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Alex: ...Yeah, I believe in God.
Psychiatrist: You surprise me, Alex. A bottom-line guy like yourself. I didn't think you would believe.
Alex: Well, part of me is a little nervous about it. I like to know what I know: see it, be able to prove it on a test— to know it, to learn it, and be done…And I just got a feeling that you keep getting tested on this one.

Season 6

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Season 7

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Designing Woman [7.2]

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Mallory: Everyone, I want you to meet Jamie Carter.
Alex [Jumping into his father's lap on the couch]: AAAUGH!
Steven: Alex, she said Jamie, not Jimmy.

Cast

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Guest stars

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