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Evolution (film)

2001 science fiction comedy film by Ivan Reitman

Evolution is a 2001 film about a fire fighting cadet, two college professors, and a geeky-but-sexy government scientist who are working against an alien organism that has been rapidly evolving ever since its arrival on Earth inside a meteor.

smiley face with three eyes
The film was advertised using a three-eyed smiling face icon
Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by David Diamond, David Weissman and Don Jakoby.

Ira Kane

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  • Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same old, boring magazine everyday. The end". And although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be, I still could not bring myself to put an "A" on top of those beauties. I hope you understand, guys.
  • Let's shampoo us some aliens!!

Harry Block

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  • [during the second expedition to the meteorite cavern, to Ira about Dr. Reed] All she needs is a good humping. [mocks Reed while "demonstrating" sex] Oh Ira! I-i-i-i-ra...OOOH IRA!

Dialogue

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Harry Block: Keep your chin up. You know she wanted to give you some, didn't you?
Ira Kane: Were you even in that courtroom?
Block: Getting barbecued like baby back ribs? It's all foreplay, baby.
Kane: [upon discovering that their lab's been ransacked] Oh, we've been hit!
Block: Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!
[Ira and Harry see a unique organism.]
Ira Kane: Hey, cool. Snag one.
Harry Block: Snag one?
Kane: Yeah, snag one and put it in the bucket.
Block: I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. You snag it.
[An alien fly is inside Harry Block and the surgeons debate on how to remove it]
Dr. Allison Reed: What do we do?
Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.
Nurse Tate: Saw.
Harry Block: Whoa, Doc, don't take my leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.
Ira Kane: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
Nurse Tate: Wait, doctor, look.
Paulson: Ooh. [looks in bug inside, crawling] It's headed for his testicles.
Block: Take it, take it! Take the leg!!
Reed: Wait, wait, wait!
Block: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Reed: It's going the other way.
Paulson: Alright, give me some forceps. I might be able to catch it in his colon.
Reed: How are you going in?
Paulson: Rectally.
Harry: [squealing] NOOOO!
Tate: I'll get the lubricant.
Paulson: There's no time for lubricant.
Harry: THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!!
[Harry, Wayne, and Irah hunt for an alien dragon-like creature in a shopping mall. Wayne has an idea to tries to get its attention by saying "caw-caw" and "tookie tookie" repeatedly on a live mic]
Harry Block: Wayne! I think we've established that "Ca-caw, ca-caw" and "Tookie, tookie" don't work.
Wayne Grey: Right. Sorry. [starts singing into the mike] You are so beautiful to me.
Ira Kane: Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
Block: Uh-uh, stand down. I'm taking this one out myself.
Grey: You are so beautiful to me.
Block: [slightly mutters] Wayne, would you please stop? You're embarrassing me.
Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. Did some chemistry in high school.
Dr. Allison Reed: There's something I've been wanting to tell you, but I don't know exactly how.
Ira Kane: Well, we're all adults here, and we're all about to die a very horrible death anyway, so?
Reed: I would've rocked your world.
Kane: You already have.

Taglines

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  • Have a nice end of the world.
  • Coming to wipe that silly smile off your planet.

Cast

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