Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jingle Jingle Jangle

[Snowflakes fall from the sky. Jonny draws on Plank with a crayon, and then holds him up. Plank now has a tongue sticking out of his mouth. Jonny sticks his tongue out too and catches snowflakes]

Jonny: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! [laughs]

[The title is dropped from the sky: Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jingle Jingle Jangle. The camera then moves on to a house. A sign in the yard reads "Written by" and on the house are the names Jono Howard, Mike Kubat, and Danny Antonucci, written in lights. The house by it has signs on it's roof and lawn. Taken together, they read "Storyboard by Big Jim Miller, Scott Diggs Underwood, and Leah Waldron." A streetlight shines down on another inscription: Music by Patric Caird. In the middle of the cul-de-sac, something has been written in the snow; "Directed by Danny Antonucci." Further down the street, a car backs out of a driveway and leaves the cul-de-sac]

[Inside the house, Eddy is searching for something. He looks all through the living room, under the tree, the closet then goes up to the attic, shining his flashlight]

Eddy: Aw come on, give me a break. Parents. Who invented 'em? [turns to go and steps on a loose board. He steps on it again, and it creaks] Ah-ha! [pulls up a section of planking, revealing Christmas presents hidden underneath] The Christmas stash! [Picks a present up, he moves it out of the ribbon. He pulls the tape off and teases the box out of the paper. He opens it and takes out a sweater vest. He blows a raspberry and reaches for another box and tears the paper off] A dickie? They still make these? [grabs another one and tears the package apart revealing socks with reindeer antlers] Say it ain't so! [grabs another one, revealing pajamas] I HATE GETTING CLOTHES FOR CHRISTMAS! [knocks the flashlight away]

[The flashlight rolls across the floor and comes to a stop in front of a mirror. The light reflects off the mirror and points into a sky, aimed at a bright star over the trailer park]

Lee: [offscreen] You're next, Marie.

[The Kankers are in their trailer, opening Christmas crackers]

Marie: Christmas crackers are a hoot.

May: Hurry up. Maybe you'll get a paper crown.

Marie: Of course I'll get a paper crown. They all come with a paper crown, stupid. [pulls on the ends, and the cracker falls to the floor]

May: It's a dud, Marie.

Lee: Just like you, huh May?

[The cracker explodes]

Marie: [points at May's seemingly missing head] Look, Lee, May got a makeover. [picks up the crown]

May: [pops her head out] And you were worried you wouldn't get a crown. [Marie puts it on; gasps and points out the window at the star] Do you see what I see? Something twinkling in the sky.

Lee: Where?

Marie: She said the sky, stupid.

Lee: Oh yeah, I see it. Bundle up, girls, let's see what the hubbub's all about.

Marie: Yeah, May.

May: Yeah, Marie.

[Ed's house is decorated and ready for Santa. Suddenly, the chimney starts cutting its way through the house. Sarah wakes up and watches it move through her room. In the basement, Ed kicks his door open and moves the chimney into his room]

Ed: Not too shabby. Chimney ready and waiting. [a timer rings. He rushes into his closet and brings out a tray of some brown cakes and a carton of milk; setting them on his chair] And Santa's favorite–gravy cakes and milk. Yummy yum yum. [draws a sign and places it on the chair] All nice and cozy for Santa to rest his belly. [dancing] I'm such a good boy! [singing] Check your list and check it twice, for Santa Claus is co- [trips and sees Sarah at the door] Sarah! Root-e-toot-toot and rum-a-tum-tum, Santa-

Sarah: Why'd you take the chimney, fathead?!

Ed: It is Christmas, Sarah. And I, Ed the elf, awaits his jolliness.

Sarah: You just make sure Santa sees my stocking, or I'll stuff you in the turkey, got it?

Ed: Turkeys are practically chickens. Fun.

Sarah: "Ed the elf"...Nimrod.

Ed: And a figgy pudding to you, baby sister. [finishes nailing the stocking up then a knocking is heard] Santa! [looks up the chimney. The knocking comes again] Santa? [looks around the room. A gloved hand is knocking on his window] Santa! [opens the window and looks out on Edd]

Edd: [holding a potted poinsettia] A very merry Christmas to you, Ed. I just thought I'd visit you before dinner, and give you a-

Ed: [grabbing Edd] I'll be home for Christmas, Double D! [pulls his friend inside] For Santa Claus is coming!

Edd: Let me be the first to say how happy I am for you, Ed, but you're stretching my mittens. [breaks free of the window and hits the wall. He flies off of it, leaving his snow clothes behind, around Ed's chair]

Ed: Santa's comfy zone! [clears the clothes away from it] Ed the elf has fixed it.

Edd: As I was saying, I brought you what once was a poinsettia, Ed.

Ed: Aww...hug? [advances towards Edd, arms outstretched]

Edd: Oh dear. Ignore his odor, Eddward. Smile. Let the spirit of the season take- [Ed grabs him; spoken] ED!

Ed: I feel all fuzzy inside, Double D.

Edd: Tis the season, Ed.

Ed: Tis?

Edd: The warmth, Ed, that fuzzy feeling, is the spirit of the holiday.

Ed: Spirit?

Edd: From here, Ed. [places his hand on Ed's chest]

Ed: My udder?

Edd: You certainly know how to tax one's patience, Ed.

[Eddy kicks the window open and enters]

Ed: Eddy! Santa's coming to my house!

Eddy: Yeah, right! And I'm a little leprechaun looking for his pot of gold. I hate Christmas.

Edd: Oh, come now, Eddy. Surely you jest. Eddy?

Eddy: You know what? I found my parents' Christmas stash. And ALL of my presents bite, Double D!

Edd: YOU DID WHAT?!?!?! Oh Eddy, how could you have been so selfish?! Your parents' trust, shattered! Shame on you!

Ed: Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.

Eddy: Hey, you know it, and I know it. Christmas is the one time of year when parents are supposed to buy you everything you want and all I got was lame ol' clothes.

Edd: Hold it right there, mister. The true meaning of Christmas isn't about materialistic needs or selfish wants. Rather, it comes from here. [puts his hand on Eddy's chest]

Eddy: That's my udder you're touching.

Ed: Silly Eddy, parents don't bring presents. SANTA DOES! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, I am such a lucky elf.

Eddy: It's like a nightmare before Christmas, Double D.

Ed: Hello. [picks up a tree light]

Eddy: I've never seen so many socks, and the underwear? Kids shouldn't have to see that kind of stuff.

[Ed slips the light into Eddy's pocket]

Edd: Well, Eddy, I for one think you just need to adopt a better attitude.

Eddy: [mockingly] I think you need to adopt a better... [brightens; having an idea] adopt. Stay with me. I wake up. It's Christmas morning. But I'm in someone else's house, and I cash in on their swank presents! I'm putting myself up for adoption, Double D!

Edd: [alarmed] Adoption? But Eddy, you can't forsake your own family! It's Christmas, Eddy!

Eddy: That's right! And I want presents!

Edd: You'll regret this, Eddy. Don't turn your back on the true meaning of Christmas!

Ed: Santa's not going to like this one bit, Double D.

Eddy: Can't wait to see what I'm gonna get this year. Maybe a car...maybe a diamond watch... [falls off the edge of the snow. Around one house, all the snow is melted away] Where'd the snow go? [goes up to the house and knocks on the door] Ho ho ho, Jonny boy. [Jonny bites the end of his nose] YOWCH!

Jonny: Nippin at your nose, Eddy. Get it? [chuckles] I'm Jack Frost, and Plank's Mister Snowflake.

Eddy: Why, you dirty... [changes gears] Listen up, Jonny, it's the darndest thing. I was just walking down the street, when a reindeer swoops down and lands right beside me.

Jonny: No way, Jose.

Eddy: Way. And he had a note in his mouth. A telegram from Santa.

Jonny: Right on.

Eddy: [pulling out a paper] Santa says he got so fat over the summer, he can't fit down my chimney. He's gonna leave my presents at your house.

Jonny: "My house? Whadadya waitin' for? [leads Eddy through an ice cave] Make yourself at home, Eddy. [Eddy looks around. Everything is made of snow and ice] Do you wanna warm up by the fire? [the fire is also just a sculpture made of frozen water] Cuz you can't. It's ice. See? [twings it] I'm Jack Frost, and he's Mister Snowflake.

Eddy: I heard you the first time, ya bald-headed...So, what's with all the snow and ice?

Jonny: Each Christmas, we bring winter inside, Eddy. It's our family tradition. A small thanks to Mother Nature for everything she's given us. [bites Eddy's nose again] Nipped your nose, Eddy.

Eddy: [skids backwards next to a Christmas tree] Presents! [picks one up encased in ice] Hey Jack, get me an ice pick, will ya? I wanna see what I got.

Jonny: [confused] Ice pick? [listens to Plank] Mister Snowflake says no problem, Eddy.

Eddy: So what're you waiting for? It'll take all night to crack these babies open. [Jonny knocks the gift away with a trashcan lid. He gives the lid to him] What's this? [Jonny pulls a lever] What's that? [a trapdoor opens beneath him]

Jonny: See ya. [Eddy falls. He puts the lid under him and slides on a rollercoaster of ice and snow. Along the way, Eddy's tongue flies out his mouth and gets stuck on the ice and it stretches as he slides down. Eventually, it leads to a door, and he opens it for Eddy, who sails out and holds a tree. He walks along Eddy's tongue] We're on to your schtick, Eddy. Mister Snowflake had you figured from the get go. You're nothing but a greedy Pete, trying to steal our Christmas. [went back inside with Plank, slamming the door on Eddy's stuck tongue]

Eddy: YOWCH! [his tongue comes loose and goes back into his mouth] Ah, who needs you? I got a million Christmases on this block.

[Eddy walks through the snow. He comes upon Rolf, who is hanging decorations of meat and fish from his gutters. He is wearing a sheep costume]

Eddy: Woe is me, woe is me.

Rolf: Look at you, Ed-boy. Why does your face sag like Papa's pot of parsnips?

Eddy: My parents were attacked by renegade baggage handlers, Rolf. And they stole all my presents.

Rolf: Scoundrels. Rolf is wise to the tote-handlers. Still, they are a higher caste than the son of a shepherd. Rolf cannot help you in this matter.

Eddy: No! Wait! I beg ya! I've got no Christmas, Rolf. No presents, no family, no nothing. Please, Rolf?

Rolf: You have pulled Rolf's eggplant, half-man half-woman Ed-boy. Come, grab the tail of Rolf's sheep of joy and enjoy the season of mirth. [throws Eddy into his house. It is decorated with many meats] Behold the toil of twenty-four days, Ed-boy. A celebration of whatnots, bangles, knickknacks, doodads, and an assortment of cured, smoked, poached and other mammal flesh!

Eddy: You could smell it a mile away, Stretch. Who's the bearded troll?

Rolf: [laughing] You crack Rolf's bowels. Surely you recognize the great Yeshmiyek. She who lives in the center of the earth, where she prepares the holiday feast for good males and females. [taking out an accordion] Let us sing in honor of her great stewing. [singing Deep below the dirt and rocks there lives a bearded maiden fair, Whose kitchen pot is bigger than her size of underwear, hey! [stops and points at Eddy, who blows into a horn Rolf gave him] Yeshmiyek who peels the root and grinds the sausage with her boot! Yeshmiyek who cures the meat and stuffs the fruit with sugared beets! Yeshimyek who salts the pork and stabs it with her silver fork! Yeshmiyek who cuts the cheese and gives the loaf of bread a squeeze! But should your chores be never done. Your feeble arms too weak to toil. Yeshmiyek will surely come, And throw you in the pot to boil. Yeshmiyek who smokes the fish and lays a slab on every dish! Yeshmiyek who guts the hare and seasons it with special care!

Eddy: Hold it, hold it, hold it!

Rolf: Rolf does not take requests, Ed-boy. Sorry.

Eddy: So when do I rake in on the cool presents?

Rolf: Presents. What presents? [singing] Yeshmiyek who bastes the lamb and spits the glaze on every ham! Yeshmiyek who bastes the strudel, pickles feet and strings the noodle! Yeshmiyek who-

Eddy: [leaving] What's a guy got to do to find a normal Christmas around here?

Edd: [watches him from a window] There must be a way to get through to Eddy what the spirit of Christmas is about.

Ed: Double D, look what I made. A picture for Santa's wallet. I'm the one without a hat.

Edd: That's very nice, Ed, but it saddens me to see our friend lost and so confused. I just know, deep inside him a flame flickers for the blessings of this holiday. Perhaps it's time for fate to lend a helping hand.

[A doorbell rings, and Nazz comes to open it]

Nazz: Hey, Eddy! Merry Christmas, dude. Aw, you look cold. Why don't you come in? We got lots of candy canes and I'm sure I can find you a present or two.

Eddy: I like your Christmas.

Nazz: But before you get any gifts, [hands Eddy a glass of eggnog] eggnog? You have to put this up. [holding up a mistletoe] You know what happens when someone catches you under the mistletoe, don't you, Eddy?

[Eddy spits eggnog on Nazz. She makes him leave and takes her present from him and shuts the door]

[The Kankers walk through the snowy woods. They come upon where the star has pointed its light-an overturned shopping cart. Inside lies a moldy piece of bread]

May: [picks it up] What the heck is it?

Lee: It's a sign, stupid.

[The Kankers climb up a snowy hill. Lee and May stop at the top and look at the star. Marie steps over the edge and tumbles down to where it is shining. In the light are franks and cents]

Marie: [picks them up] Wieners and pennies?

[The Kankers march on, through the construction site. The star is now shining upon a parked bulldozer. In the seat sits a fur coat]

Lee: It's a coat. [leads them on] C'mon. We're getting closer.

Eddy: So if Christmas is about givin', how come I ain't gettin'? [a gift-wrapped box hits him in the face. A rope is tied to it] A present! [it's pulled away] Hey, where ya goin?" [chases it to the base of a tree]

[There, it is pulled up into the sky. Edd, dressed as an angel, descends]

Edd: Hark, the herald angels sing, Eddy. I bring you tidings of great joy.

Ed: [dressed as a shepherd] And lo. An angel showed up as they counted their flock of chickens in the night.

Edd: Forsake your journey, Eddy. You are not beyond the path of redemption. You can still return to the path of goodwill, and peace among your fellow- [a snowball hits him]

Ed: Nice shot, Eddy!

[Eddy grabs Ed's crook and uses it to pull his feet out. The series of ropes holding Edd up give way, and Edd falls to the ground. Eddy grabs the wings and walks away for another house]

Edd: It's not too late to embrace the joy of the season, Eddy!

Ed: Fa-la-la-la-la, Eddy!

Jimmy: Feliz navidad.

Eddy: [wearing angel wings taped to his back] Hey Jimmy, check out the wings.

Jimmy: Are you a Christmas angel?

Eddy: How'd you guess? Every year, Eddy the Christmas Angel shares with someone else in the spirit of gift-giving. And this year happens to be your year. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine. Get it? Hel-lo [darts to the tree and looks under it] Where's the presents?

Jimmy: Quickly, I must show you something. [leads Eddy to his kitchen]

Eddy: Gimme gimme gimme. What? So?

Jimmy: It's my Holly Jolly Christmas Village, silly. Nothing says Joyeux Noel like the gingery scent of gingerbread sailors out on a sugar-glazed shore leave.

Eddy: Smells good enough to eat.

Jimmy: Oh, and look at this.

Eddy: Finally! Presents?

Jimmy: If you mean the presence of delectable decorative baking, then yes. [giggles] Why settle for blase pats of butter when, using only simple cookie cutters, one can create a festive holiday assortment of butter shapes to smear onto fresh, toasty buns? Oops. Having my own angel is so exciting, I've got to tinkle. Be right back. [leaves, and Eddy looks around the kitchen. His gaze settles on the Christmas village; returning] Did you know that you can dazzle your guests with miniature mashed potato snowmen using an ordinary ice cream scoop? MY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE! Destroyed! Devastated! And digested!

Eddy: I've gotta hand it to ya, these cookies are to die for.

Jimmy: You. [dials the telephone]

[The door bursts open]

Sarah: Jimmy, where is he? [throws Eddy out]

Eddy: Just a couple of presents! It's Christmas, for Pete's sake!

Sarah: Scram!

Jimmy: [brings Eddy's wings out and drops them on the sidewalk] And stay out.

Edd: Oh, Eddy, why? Ed, it appears our efforts have had no effect on Eddy's complete lack of Christmas cheer.

Ed: [referring to the clothes] Just a couple of guys wearing dresses on Christmas Eve, huh, Double D?

Edd: All is not lost, Ed, for this angel still has one more trick up his robe.

Ed: I promise not to peek, Double D.

[Kevin is on a snowboard, shredding the cul-de-sac. He pulls a few tricks, including a fence grind, before he heads into his yard. He stops there and throws his board against the house, where it rests. He then walks to his door and enters. Eddy comes running up to the house]

Eddy: Kev! Wait up! [stops at the window and peers through. He sees Kevin's normal Christmas display and smiles. His arm is under the door, and he is trying to open it from the inside. Kevin notices. He comes over and opens it] Uh...adopt me, bro, it's Christmas!

Kevin: Yeah, right. [goes to close the door]

Eddy: No, wait, it's my parents! They were kidnapped by Aborigines! I need a present for their ransom, or they'll cut off their toenails! Just one, Kev. Toenails! Gone! Forever! I swear!

Kevin: Man, you're pathetic. Fine. Wait here. [closes the door and goes inside]

Eddy: Hook, line, and stinker.

Kevin: [returns bearing a gift-wrapped package] Here. [sarcastic] I hope you like it.

Eddy: What is it?! Don't tell me! Let me guess! Too late! [rips the paper off, and Kevin's fist shoots out]

Kevin: Merry Christmas, dork. [laughs and goes inside]

Eddy: Let me in, Kev, please? All I want is a good Christmas!

[Eddy then trudges forward. He comes to the park, and finds a Christmas tree on a small hill, decorated. He stops by it. One of the bulbs in a string on the tree burns out. Eddy puts his hands in his pockets and finds the light bulb Ed put in his left pocket earlier. Eddy makes his way up the hill and unscrews the bulb, replacing it with the fresh one. The light glows pink. Eddy leaves the hill, then looks back. The tree is glowing brighter, casting its light all over the cul-de-sac. Ed and Edd join Eddy]

Edd: Oh, Eddy, I'm so proud of you. You did it.

Ed: A big hug for my little man.

Eddy: What'd I do?

Edd: You replaced the bulb, Eddy!.

Eddy: So? The tree needed a light and I put one in. Big whoop.

Edd: Don't you see, Eddy? You made an unselfish gesture. You gave willingly of your heart without thought of your own gain. This is the gift of giving, Eddy. This is what the spirit of Christmas is all about.

Eddy: It is? Hey, that didn't hurt a bit. Actually feels kinda good, Double D. 'Cause–Christmas ain't about what you find under a tree. Christmas is about what you find in your heart.

[The kids trickle towards the tree]

Jimmy: That tree glows as though it were touched by an angel.

Nazz: It's absolutely beautiful.

Kevin: Awesome, to say the least.

Rolf: Rolf basks in the warmth of the glowing wood.

Jonny: Plank says that's one hot looking tomato.

[A big red bag lands on Eddy]

Santa Claus: [flying away on his sleigh] Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Eddy: Santa?

Ed: Take me with you! I Ed, you Santa, we good!

Eddy: Sack? [looks inside] Presents!

Kids: Presents?

Eddy: There's one for Jonny, and Plank, and Sarah, to Jimmy, Nazz, Kevin, Rolf, Double D, and me! Jackpot! [steals the sack]

Jonny: Where'd it go?

Sarah: Hey!

Jimmy: What the?

Nazz: Not cool!

Kevin: Come back here!

Rolf: Oh well.

Edd: Ed, Eddy's pillaged Saint Nick's satchel of intermutual yuletide bestowals! [slight pause] The presents, Ed! Eddy's taken the presents!

Ed: Santa's presents?!?!?!

[Eddy hops a fence and runs into Rolf's backyard. He throws the sack into the shed and puts a plank in front of the door. Ed knocks the door down]

Edd: Eddy, how wrong can you be in this most wonderful time of the year?! Reconsider your actions!

Ed: What is it to be young man, naughty or nice?

Eddy: I'm the one who gave willingly from his heart. Back off! This sack's mine!

Ed: [throws down his shepherd's rod, grabs the sack and runs for the door] Santa brought presents for all the good little boys and girls, Eddy!

Eddy: Santa's sack's mine! Give it!

Ed: Santa's, Eddy!

Edd: Gentlemen, please!

Ed: Santa's sack!

Eddy: It's mine!

Edd: Goodwill? Peace on earth?

Ed: It's Santa's!

Eddy: Mine!

Ed: Santa's, Eddy! [hurls the sack out of the roof and into the sky]

Edd: [still on its top. He falls off and his angel costume catches on the torn roof. He hangs there] Oh, dear.

[The kids are by the tree]

Kevin: Of all the no-good-

Sarah: [comforting a crying Jimmy] It's okay, Jimmy.

Rolf: Here today, gone tomorrow, yes?

[The sack lands behind the tree]

Kids: YAY!

[Ed and Eddy stand in the shed, looking through the hole in the roof]

Eddy: Where'd the sack go?! You idiot! [throws Ed aside] My presents! [rushes for the door. Just as he reaches it, a cold wind blows it open, pushing him backwards. He falls into a trough]

Edd: Can it be? Three kings who have traveled afar?

Lee: A babe in a manger, huh? We come bearing gifts.

May: See? Mold.

Marie: I brought franks and cents.

Lee: And fur.

Edd: Well, this image certainly has the Christmas spirit.

May: Now it's time for our gifts.

Marie: Payback. Christmas kisses all around.

Lee: We ain't talking on the cheeks, either.

[The Eds scream]

Edd: [being pulled down] Wait! What're you doing?! I'm an angel, stop!

Eddy: I'm too young!

[Lee puts a wreath on the door with a sign in it. The sign reads "Do not open until next Xmas."]

Kids: [last lines] We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas, And a happy new year! Good tidings we bring, To you and your kings, Good tidings for Christmas, And a happy new year!

[Jonny laughs]