Dude, Where's My Car?
2000 film by Danny Leiner
Dude, Where's My Car? is a 2000 film about two friends who wake up from a night of partying and can't remember where they parked their car.
- Directed by Danny Leiner. Written by Philip Stark
After a night they can't remember, comes a day they'll never forget.
Jesse Montgomery
edit- Wait a second. Let's recap. Last night we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying. [Chester slaps him] Thanks, dude.
- I refuse to let us go down in history as the dudes who destroyed the universe.
- [Walking up to residence of Ostrich farmer with many signs expressing zero tolerance for trespassing] I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.
- Dude, Where's My Car?.
Alien Nordic Dudes
edit- We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey.
Dialogue
edit- Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
- Chester: [Opens the cupboard to find it's entirely full of pudding] I'd say it's entirely possible.
- Jesse: Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
- Chester: Can he also bong a beer?
- Nelson: Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.
- Keeper of the Continuim Transfunctioner: But the universe...
- Jesse: "Screw the universe"!
- Keeper: "Screw the universe"?!
- Chinese Food Intercom: Chinese Foooood, may I help you?
- Jesse: Yeah, I like to place an order.
- Chinese Food Intercom: Um what you like?
- Jesse: Yeah, I like uh... three orders of garlic chicken.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: And then, three orders of white rice.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: And then... [then he turns and asks Chester and Nelson] Oh hey, you guys want soup?
- Chester & Nelson: Sure.
- Jesse: Yeah, three orders of Wonton soup.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: Oh, uh some fortune cookies too.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: Uh... naw I think that's about it.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: No, that's it.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: No and then, I [stutters] That's, that's all I want.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: [Looks behind and then laughs] And then, and then um, and then um, and then nothin' else cause I'm done ordering, okay?
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: Uh, uh, no, no, see all, all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken and the three orders of the white rice.
- Chinese Food Intercom: Uh-huh, and then?
- Chester: And the soup dude.
- Jesse: Oh, and, and the Wonton soup.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Nelson: And the Cookie's Fortune.
- Jesse: And, and the, and the Fortune cookies yes so, it's just the uh, it's the... the chicken, the... rice, the soup and the Fortune cookies, and that's it.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And theeeeen?
- Jesse: [Starts chuckling] And then uh, you can it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand cause I'm ready to eat.
- Chinese Food Intercom: Annnnnd theeeeeeeen?
- Jesse: [Gets irritated] Hey, I refuse to play your Chinese Food mind games!
- Chinese Food Intercom: Annnnnnd Theeeeeeeen...?
- Jesse: [Gets upset] NO! No "and then"!
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?!
- Jesse: No "and then"!
- [Repeated four more times]
- Chinese Food Intercom: [Growls] Annnnnnd theeeeeeen...?
- Jesse: [Gets annoyed] You know, you're really starting to piss me off, lady!
- Chinese Food Intercom: [Quietly] And then?
- Jesse: And then... [laughs nervously] I'm gonna come in there... [grows livid] and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!
- [Pause; Jesse almost gives in]
- Chinese Food Intercom: [Repeatedly] And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!
- [Jesse angrily smashes the speaker box, but Chester and Nelson pull him back inside the car, and they drive away]
- Chinese Food Intercom: [Severely damaged] And then...?
- Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
- Chester: Oh, that's my alter ego.
- Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was my alter ego.
- Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
- Jesse: Oh, yeah.
- Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!
- Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
- Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
- Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
- [Repeated four more times]
- Jesse: "S - wee - t!" What about mine?
- Chester: [Angrily] "Dude!" What does mine say?
- Jesse: [Screaming] "Sweet!"
- Mr. Lee: [Swears in Chinese] Idiots! Your tattoo says "dude." Your tattoo says "sweet." Got it?
- Jesse: Oh.
- Mr. Lee: Ai-yah!
- Jesse: Sorry.
- Chester: Hey... Sorry.
- Jesse: Sorry.
- Jesse and Chester: Shibby!
- Mr. Lee: Very sharp. Very sharp. You two number one, extra-special, very good-looking guys.
- Jesse: We bought these last night?
- Mr. Lee: Yeah. You were pretty [Says "fucked up" in Chinese] last night.
- Chester: How much are these?
- Mr. Lee: You already paid for. I just do some minor alterations-you know, add the secret pockets you order.
- Jesse: Hey, maybe we got the Continual Trans-sphincter. [Reaches into pockets] What's- [Pulls out kaleidoscope viewing Mr. Lee's laughing face] Oh, dude! Dude!
- Chester: [Pulls out a dove] Sweet! Cool.
- Jesse: Excuse me, but how did we pay for these suits?
- Mr. Lee: You pay cash. Cold, hard cash. Crispy, new hundred dollar bills.
- Jesse: You didn't, by chance, see what car we were driving, did you?
- Mr. Lee: Me? No, I don't see no car.
- Jesse: [Answer cellphone in pocket] Hello.
- Chester: Dude, we bought cell phones.
- Jesse: [Looking at paper] That's not all we bought, dude.-
- Jesse: Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
- Chester: Maybe you should go sit on the toilet?
- Jesse: No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love!
- Chester: Is that what that is?
- Jesse: Yeah. I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma.
- Chester: Yeah!
- Jesse: You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends... we can change.
- Chester: We can?
- Jesse: Yeah, and you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? 'Coz we love them.
- Chester: And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?
- Jesse: Yeah.
Cast
edit- Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery
- Seann William Scott - Chester Greenburg
- Jennifer Garner - Wanda
- Marla Sokoloff - Wilma
- Kristy Swanson - Christie Boner
- David Herman - Nelson
- Hal Sparks - Zoltan- Cult leader
- Charlie O'Connell - Tommy
- John Toles-Bey - Mr. Pizzacoli
- Andy Dick - Mark
External links
edit- Dude, Where's My Car? quotes at the Internet Movie Database