Dinosaurs (TV series)
Dinosaurs is an American sitcom created by Walt Disney Television and The Jim Henson Company. It was broadcast from April 1991 to October 1994 on ABC. In May 2006, seasons 1 and 2 were released as a single set. The show was about the lives of a family of dinosaurs as a satire on modern American life.
|Season 1||Season 2||Season 3||Season 4 (First Half)|
|"The Mighty Megalosaurus"||"The Golden Child"||"Nature Calls"||"Monster Under the Bed"|
|"The Mating Dance"||"Family Challenge"||"Dirty Dancin'"||"Earl, Don't Be a Hero"|
|"Hurling Day"||"I Never Ate for My Father"||"Driving Miss Ethyl"|
|"The Howling"||"Endangered Species"||"The Discovery"||"Earl's Big Jackpot"|
|"Employee of the Month"||"Little Boy Boo"||"The Terrible Twos"|
|"When Food Goes Bad"||"Germ Warfare"||"Changing Nature"|
|"Career Opportunities"||"Hungry for Love"|
|"Unmarried ... With Children"||"License to Parent"||Season 4 (Second Half)|
|"How to Pick Up Girls"||"Charlene's Flat World"||"Into The Woods"|
|"Switched at Birth"||"Wilderness Weekend"||"Scent of a Reptile"|
|"Refrigerator Day"||"The Son Also Rises"||"Working Girl"|
|"What "Sexual" Harris Meant"||"Getting to Know You"||"Variations on a Theme Park"|
|"Fran Live"||"Green Card"||"Earl and Pearl"|
|"Power Erupts"||"Out of the Frying Pan"||"Life in the Faust Lane"|
|"The Clip Show"||"Out of the Frying Pan"||"Georgie Must Die!"|
|"A New Leaf"||"Honey, I Miss the Kids"|
|"The Last Temptation of Ethyl"||"Honey, I Miss the Kids"|
|"Nuts to War (part 1)"||"If I Were a Tree"|
|"Nuts to War (part 2)"||"We Are Not Alone"|
|"And the Winner Is..."||"Charlene and Her Amazing Humans"||Misc.|
|"Slave to Fashion"||"The Clip Show II"||Repeated lines|
|"Leader of the Pack"||Characters|
|"WESAYSO Knows Best"||External links|
*These episodes were not aired during the original showing of season 4 but were later shown in syndication.
Season 2 edit
The Golden Child edit
- [Earl walks into the living room and sees Robbie and Charlene watching TV while the baby is alone in the kitchen.]
- Earl: Morning, kids. What are you doing?
- Robbie: Watching the baby.
- Earl: Nice to see you you're accepting more responsibility.
- Earl [to the Elders]: Please don't make me bite off my own head. I was practicing in the lobby, and it just wasn't happening.
- Elder [reading from the Sacred Book of Dinosaur]: ...and his father [Earl] shall be courageous and wise.
- [Earl chuckles]
- Elder [to another Elder]: Give me the Wite-Out.
- [Elder edits the sacred book]
- Elder [reading from the (revised) Sacred Book of Dinosaur]: ...father shall be a blithering idiot.
- Earl: Can he do that?
- [Robbie is refusing to help manage the people coming to see the new king (Baby)]
- Robbie: Those dinosaurs out there are just sheep.
- Earl: Have you noticed that some of those sheep are cheerleaders?
- [Robbie runs outside to help.]
Family Challenge edit
- Howard Handupme: A meteor watch has been put into effect throughout the Pangean panhandle. Scientists have specifically pinpointed this particular house as the point of probable impact.
- [A picture of the Sinclair house appears on the tv screen]
- Earl: Come on, come on! What does this have to do with me?
- [Earl is talking to the insurance agent about the cost of replacing the tv]
- Earl: Don't try to cheat me on this! 'Cause I know you insurance guys, you have absolutely no ethics.
- Insurance Agent: Well, how much would you say your television is worth?
- Earl: Ten thousand dollars. Good thing I popped for that extra meteor coverage, huh?
- Insurance Agent: For us, yes. But if you refer to that large bound volume we sent you labeled "exclusions", you'll find that a meteor is only a meteor until it enters the Earth's atmosphere, at which time it become a meteorite.
- Earl: As you can see, I have separated all known dinosaur wisdom into three categories: "Animal, vegetable, rocks."
- Robbie: Well, what about fire?
- Earl: Vegetable.
- Charlene: What about water?
- Earl: Water is the opposite of fire, which we have previously established as a vegetable. What's the opposite of a vegetable? Fruit. So water is a fruit. Fruit is not a vegetable, so it has to be either an animal or a rock. We know it's not an animal. Therefore, fruit is a rock.
- Charlene: Daddy, I asked you about water.
- Earl: Could we hold all questions until the end of the lecture, please?
- Baby [pointing the remote at Earl]: Not the TV!
- Charlene: I'm used to being embarrassed by you guys on a local level, I don't know how I feel about being humiliated nationally.
- Earl: And what makes you the Ancient History expert?
- Ethyl: I was there.
I Never Ate for My Father edit
- Ethyl: Television is responsible for the utter degradation of our society. We should write a letter.
- Fran: Mom? Get a life.
- Earl: If your mother can take the time kill this dinner, you can take the time to eat it.
- [Robbie leaves the table, refusing to eat meat]
- Earl: Charlene, you are now my son.
- Charlene: Thanks Daddy. Can I have money for lipstick?
- Earl: Of course, son.
- Earl: I shoulda shown [Robbie] the beauty of killing small things.
- Bob Dylan-like Singer:
- Has anybody here
- Seen my old friend Bambi's mother?
- Can you tell me where she's done?
- She fed a lot of people
- But the tasty, they die young.
- Just like antelope, mutton, and Bambi's mom.
- [Earl is telling Robbie about his father.]
- Earl: He expected me to live in the woods, have kids in the mud, eat my mate and die in pieces. And you know? That was okay for him. But I wanted better.
Charlene's Tale edit
- Earl: It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.
- Ethyl: Then you're the guy for the job.
- Earl [to Fran]: It's not [Charlene's] tail. Cause that would be a female problem, and she isn't a female yet, so she doesn't have a problem. Which if she did, we wouldn't discuss it in front of the son!
- Robbie: Fine, I'll leave.
- Earl: I'll go with you.
- [Earl punches Roy]
- Roy: Hey! Earl, I don't want to pry into your personal business, but is something bothering you?
- Earl: Not that I'm aware of.
- Charlene: Mom, you said you were the last one in your class to get your tail. How did you handle it?
- Fran: Oh, well... that was a long time ago, and I'm sure I handled it with grace and dignity.
- Ethyl: She tried to throw herself off the roof.
- Fran: Mother!
- Ethyl: Of course, you weighed 2800 pounds, so the roof collapsed. She fell right through onto Grandpa Louie, who was cleaning his pipe at the time. We never found the pipe, but Grandpa Louie walked funny after that...
- [Earl is putting the uneaten food back into the refrigerator]
- Food: And don't be putting me in no vegetable bin. I wake up in the vegetable bin, I'll come out and kick you big flabby dinosaur butt all up and down the super-continent!
- Earl [to Charlene]: I don't think nature knows what it's doing. What I think you need is something to protect you from nature.
- Charlene: You mean, like a father?
- Earl: Well, actually, I was thinking more like a machine gun. But I guess a father would do in a pinch.
- Earl: How'd I do, Fran?
- Fran: Well, "not the mama", but you'll do in a pinch.
Endangered Species edit
- [Robbie is writing an essay; the Grapdelites pop out of their box]
- Grapdelite 1: Shouldn't you be hiding us?
- Grapdelite 2: Can't you see he's thinking?
- Grapdelite 1: I'm merely reminding him of his responsibility to his father. Now, be quiet!
- Robbie: Hey, I'm trying to write a paper here! Okay?
- Grapdelite 2: We've offended him!
- Grapdelite 1: What's your paper about?
- Grapdelite 2: Oh, it's none of our business!
- Robbie: It's a social studies paper, and it's not going very well. [shows the Grapdelites his paper]
- Grapdelite 1: "Why dinosaurs rule the Earth? We're big."
- Robbie: Yeah, that really bites, doesn't it?
- Grapdelite 2: Well, there's certainly no denying that size allows the dinosaur to have almost unlimited benefits.
- Grapdelite 1: Of course, the duality of nature dictates that for every benefit, there must be a cost.
- Grapdelites: [together] Don't you agree?
- Robbie: Oh, well, I, uh...
- Grapdelite 1: We've lost him.
- Grapdelite 2: So try an illustration.
- Grapdelite 1: Of course. [to Robbie] Why is it good to be big?
- Robbie: Well, we get to eat whoever we want. Uh, no offense.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, none taken.
- Grapdelite 2: However, if we don't plan for the future, there won't be anymore food. That would be the cost.
- Robbie: What do you mean "no more food"? There's always more, that's what "more" means.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, dear... [pulls out a bunch of grapes from the box]
- Grapdelite 2: Imagine that these are all the grapes in the world.
- Robbie: Um, yeah, so?
- Grapdelite 1: Now, suppose that you eat all the grapes.
- Robbie: Hm, okay. [eats the grapes in one gulp] Okay, now what?
- Grapdelite 2: Now, suppose you want grapes tomorrow.
- Robbie: Well, I'll go the market and get some.
- Grapdelite 2: But those were all the grapes in the world.
- Robbie: Well, then I'll have to eat something else.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, well, you rule the world.
- Grapdelite 2: A world without grapes.
- Robbie: So you're saying that if we eat them all, there won't be anymore.
- Grapdelite 1: I think he understands...
- Robbie: Ha! I can stretch that to 500 words easy!
- Grapdelite 1: Or maybe he doesn't..
- Robbie: You guys can help me with my homework everyday, or at least until Mom and Dad's anniversary.
- [B.P. Richfield overhears Earl having Grapdelites for his 20th anniversary and orders him to come to his office]
- Earl: You wanted to see me, my captain?
- B.P. Richfield: I hear you got your 20th anniversary coming up, Sinclair!
- Earl: How suspiciously cordial of you to take an interest, sir.
- B.P. Richfield: And the wife's probably lookin' forward to that Grapdelite dinner, right?
- Earl: I'm sure she is, sure.
- B.P. Richfield: Yeah, a little wine, candlelight, and those Grapdelites gonna taste so sweet and satisfyin'! Mmm-mmm! You and the wife will probably look each other in the eye and tell each other how very much in love you still are, and who knows? Maybe you'll take a little trip upstairs and... [they both crack up laughing until Richfield bangs his desk, resuming his serious mood] THAT'S NOT HAPPENIN'!!!!
- Earl: It's not?
- B.P. Richfield: I WANT THOSE GRAPDELITES!!!
- Earl: What?!
- B.P. Richfield: They're my favorite food, Sinclair! Everybody's out of'em, you got'em, I want'em! You don't give'em to me, I'm gonna bite off your head!
- Earl: B-b-b-but I can't give them to your, sir. They're for my wife. If she didn't get them, she'd be very unhappy.
- B.P. Richfield: How much is your wife's happiness worth to you, Sinclair?
- Earl: Well, I see what you're getting at there, sir... uh, Mr. Richfield, but no amount of money is worth taking this away from my wife. My wife's happiness means the world to me.
- B.P. Richfield: Here's $50.
- Earl: It's a small world after all. But with all due respect, you know, there is the matter of my own personal dignity, sir. You only get one 20th anniversary, and if I sell you by Grapdelites, how much is my personal dignity worth?
- B.P. Richfield: I got another $23 for your personal dignity.
- Earl: That should cover it. [takes the money] And what about my self-respect?
- B.P. Richfield: I think we've taken care of that.
- [Robbie comes back from school in a bad mood]
- Robbie: [to the Grapdelites] Thanks for everything. I got an F. [throws his notebook close to the Grapdelites]
- Grapdelite 2: Oh, careful!
- Robbie: Oh, sorry. I didn't see you.
- Grapdelite 1: He seems distressed.
- Grapdelite 2: I hope it's nothing we've done.
- Robbie: "Why dinosaurs ruled the Earth?" And I wrote a whole essay about what you guys said about how we're too wise to eat all the grapes. Look what the teacher wrote. [shows the Grapdelites his paper]
- Grapdelite 1: "There'll always be more grapes. That's what 'more' means."
- Grapdelites: An F?!
- Grapdelite 2: But just because the teacher doesn't understand doesn't mean you failed.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, no!
- Robbie: Stanly Kravitz got an A.
- Grapdelite 1: Well, what did he write?
- Robbie: He wrote, "Because we're big." That was my answer! I had the right answer, and I let you guys talk me out of it! Why did I let you talk me out of it?
- Grapdelite 2: Because it's wrong.
- Robbie: Yeah, but the teacher thinks it's right.
- Grapdelite 1: Well, what if the teacher's wrong?
- Robbie: Yeah, right. "What if the teacher's wrong?" I tried that on my parents all the time and it never works. Anyway, the teacher said there would be enough grapes and there would always be enough of everything, then she called me a radical!
- Grapdelite 1: But there's not gonna be always enough of everything?
- Robbie: Ah, leave me alone. I already flunked once, and that's what I get for letting food do my homework.
- [the Grapdelites gasp]
- Grapdelite 1: Robbie, we're the last two grapes!
- Robbie: What?!
- Grapdelite 2: That's why they can't find anymore of us, they're aren't any.
- Grapdelite 1: We're the last of our kind.
- Robbie: How can that be?
- Grapdelite 2: Because we're delicious. [Robbie and the Grapdelites chuckle]
- Robbie: My parents are gonna eat you tomorrow night and there won't be anymore of you at all!
- Grapdelite 2: Oh, boy. What a blow to your teacher.
- Robbie: You guys should try to escape or something.
- Grapdelite 1: No, no, we need to help you with your paper.
- Grapdelite 2: It's very important.
- Grapdelite 1: Yes, very.
- Robbie: But this is your last night on Earth. Forget the paper! The assignment is over!
- Grapdelite 2: No, it's not. Not if you don't the answer yet.
- Grapdelite 1: No, no. Here, Robbie. Try it again.
- Robbie: Alright.
- Grapdelite 1: Now, why do dinosaurs rule the Earth?
- Robbie: Why?
- Earl: Robbie!
- Grapdelite 1: That's your father!
- Grapdelite 2: Happy anniversary!
- Robbie: Shh! [hides the Grapdelites under a blanket]
- Earl: [steps into the room] Robbie, give me the Grapdelites.
Career Opportunities edit
- [Earl is watching television, dejectedly, after becoming disillusioned with his job]
- TV: Why are you stuck in a boring dead-end job?
- Earl: I don't know.
- TV: Why does your boss always yell at you?
- Earl: Can't figure it out.
- TV: Why is your life such a complete mess?
- Earl: Will you stop pickin' on me?
- TV: Why ask 'Why'? Drink alcohol! Nobody likes a thinker! You may not be able to change your life, but you can change the way you look at it. Alcohol. The more you drink, the less you think!
What Sexual Harris Meant edit
- Fran: Earl, Monica needs a job, and there's going to be an opening down at work, right?
- Earl: Right.
- Fran: So...
- Earl: So? So? Fran, will you stop talking in riddles?
- Fran: I want you to take Monica to work and get her interview with Mr. Richfield.
- Earl: A female tree-pusher? You can't be serious! It's ludicrous! I'd be a laughingstock!
- Earl: Mr. Richfield?
- B.P. Richfield: What?!
- Earl: There's someone I'd like you to meet.
- B.P. Richfield: [looks out the window of his trailer and sees Monica] Well, you brought me a female, eh, Sinclair?
- Earl: Well, I, uh...
- B.P. Richfiend: That's mighty nice, but I already got a wife. Nice gesture, though.
- Earl: Oh, thank you, but, she's here for the... [very quickly] tree-pusher job.
- B.P. Richfield: [jumps in shock] WHAT?! A FEMALE TREE-PUSHER?! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!! IT'S LUDICROUS!! YOU'RE A LAUGHINGSTOCK!!
- Earl: Just as I predicted! So, should I tell her to go away?
- B.P. Richfield: It's too late now. We're an equal opportunity employer. We got strict guidelines about this sort of thing. We can't just send her away. [looks into manual] Let's see. Ah, here it is. "Interviewing a female obligate: smile a lot, compliment her handbag, then send her away."
- Earl: Well, she can't ask for more than that.
- [As Monica has her interview with B.P. Richfield]
- B.P. Richfield: My, that's a lovely handbag.
- Monica: Excuse me?
- B.P. Richfield: I was just complimentin' your handbag.
- Monica: I don't have a handbag. I don't have hands.
- B.P. Richfield: Well, then, let me compliment your lovey... [Earl points to Monica's necklace] Neck! [Earl makes a small sign] Small. Neck-small. My, my, that's a lovely neck-small.
- Monica: [a bit offended] Thank you.
- [Earl points to his ears]
- B.P. Richfield: Uh, sounds like a... [Earl points to himself] Moron? [Earl groans in frustration] WHAT?!?
- Earl: Necklace!
- B.P. Richfield: Necklace! Necklace! M-m-my, that's a lovely necklace!
- Monica: Excuse me, but what does my necklace have to do with getting this job?
- B.P. Richfield: It's just that you're such a dainty little thing, and tree-pushin' requires such strength, and a large degree of technical knowledge.
- Monica: I'm sure it's way over my head, but hypothetically, will I be knocking down trees like those outside?
- B.P. Richfield: Aw, come on! I already said you have a nice necklace, now take it own outta here!
- Monica: Oh! [shakes her head, causing the entire trailer to shake]
- B.P. Richfield: When can ya start?
- [Monica easily knocks down a tree]
- Al "Sexual" Harris: Well, that's not bad, but you left a few of the roots there, sweetheart. Now, if you wanna get somewhere in this job, you gotta be willing to go all the way, if we're on the same track.
- Monica: I beg your pardon?
- Al "Sexual" Harris: Well, I'm just sayin' if you wanna make points with the foreman, it's gonna take a lot of late nights, if you hear what I'm sayin'.
- Monica: Let's just confine our comments to the job!
- Al "Sexual" Harris: Now, now, just relax, you're too tense. Whadya say we go out for a few brews, and later on I'll jump on your scales and you can tell me how much I weigh, if you know what I mean.
- Monica: No!
- Al "Sexual" Harris: What do you mean no?!
- Monica: I mean no! I'm not interested! I find the things you talk about personally offensive, and I hope this doesn't interfere with my being able to work here.
- [during the hearing]
- Mr. Otto Lynch: I have over a hundred witnesses that will testify that for the past 22 years, you have in fact been a prostitute!
- Monica: I have not!
- Mr. Otto Lynch: Oh, sorry. My mistake, everyone here the word prostitute?
- Ethyl: I can't believe they use that kind of language on television. Don't they know that kids are watching?
- Fran: Mother, this is an important real-life event. This will make the kids think.
- Ethyl: I don't want the kids to think. I want the kids to watch safe little situation comedies, with time-tested repetitive storylines.
- Mr. John Wolfe: You're obviously a very attractive female. Would you please describe for us what your were wearing in the time of the incident? Was it seductive or revealing?
- Monica: It was a hardhat and a work shirt, and I don't appreciate the insinuation that I somehow asked for this type of behavior.
- Mr. John Wolfe: I'm insinuating no such thing. Now, could you please describe for us in detail what kind of underwear you have on at the moment?
- Monica: I don't understand how that's relevant.
- Mr. John Wolfe: Well, ma'am, if you understood the relevancy of it, you'd be a male!
- [the chairmen crack up laughing]
- Mr. Mason Dixon: Look, sweet cheeks, ain't this whole thing a part of some twisted sexual fantasy of yours? A fantasy that might also include being alone on a deserted island? Yes, yes... One with scores of scantily-clad young females and they're smearin' marmalade all over ya and...
- B.P. Richfield: Mr. Dixon!
- Mr. Mason Dixon: Could I have a moment please?
- [Earl has been sworn in to read a fake speech in order to discredit Monica]
- Earl: [reading the speech] "And let that be known that Foreman Harris is a great guy. Monica's been a troublemaker as long as I've known, and I'm pretty sure she cheats on her taxes. Stop here, look up, smile." [does exactly what the paper says]
- B.P. Richfield: Thank you for your candor, Mr. Sinclair.
- Earl: Oh, and another thing: I don't see why she ever needed a job. A female's place is in the home, taking orders from her husband. In the Sinclair household, when I say jump, my wife says how high. [realizes Fran is standing behind him] Hi!
- Fran: I watched on TV what you said about Monica, and it's not the Monica I know. She's an honest, responsible individual who would never mislead anybody.
- Mr. Otto Lynch: And we'd like to believe your testimony, Mrs. Sinclair. However, I have evidence that when you were just a young girl, you lived with this older man! [shows a picture of a male dinosaur] Without benefit of marriage!
- Fran: That's my father!
- [Earl dons a fake glasses and mustache]
- Mr. Mason Dixon: All the more disgusting!
- Earl: [in a German accent] Fran, is this true?
- Fran: Are you all insane?!
- Mr. Otto Lynch: Oh, it gets worse, Mrs. Sinclair. I also have a picture of you sitting on his lap!
- [Fran facepalms and groans in frustration]
Nuts to War (part 1) edit
- [Baby is crying because a mouse like creature ate his cookie]
- Fran: No, crying isn't going to help.
- Baby [sobbing]: My cookie's gone!
- Fran: Because you ate it.
- Baby: No, the cookie creature took it.
- Fran: All right. A cookie creature took it.
- Baby: Don't talk down to me!
- Fran: This is between you and the cookie creature, so you two will have to work it out.
- Baby [angrily]: Oh well, thanks for nothing.
- [During a series of commercials using war references and jingoism to sell products]
- Girl on TV: Mom, do you ever feel... you know... not patriotic?
Season 3 edit
The Son Also Rises edit
- Robbie Sinclair: Err, listen dad - I'm sorry I challenged you. I thought getting to do everything I wanted would be great, but... this whole thing has taught me a valuable lesson.
- Earl Sinclair: That with freedom comes responsibility?
- Robbie Sinclair: No. That your life bites. No wonder you yell at me. I'll just stay out of your way from now on.
- Earl Sinclair: Yeah, thanks. And you know something? I learned something about your life too.
- Robbie Sinclair: That it's frustrating being under someone else's control all the time?
- Earl Sinclair: No, that it's way better than mine.
- Robbie Sinclair: Um... you're not gonna hold that against me, are ya?
- Earl Sinclair: Oh, every chance I get!
- Robbie Sinclair: Figures.
- Earl Sinclair: You see, son, it is one of my responsibilities as a parent to wean you from life's joy, and prepare you for the relentless heartache that is adulthood.
- Robbie Sinclair: Sheesh...
Dirty Dancin edit
- TV Announcer: Stay tuned after Father Knows Nothing for the premiere of Dad's A Big Moron, and then at 9:00 it's more hijinks with Simpleton Father, followed by Brain Dead Dad.
- Earl Sinclair: This is why TV stinks! One show's a hit, they make 50 more like it with the same characters and the same premise!
- Baby Sinclair: Don't have a cow, man! [laughs]
- [At the dancing house]
- Robbie Sinclair: Are you sure we should be doing this?
- Spike: Hey, Scooter, there is nothing wrong with taking one of life's most personal and intimate experiences, and putting a cash value on it. That's what separates us from the animals.
- Robbie Sinclair: Do females go through the same things we do?
- Earl Sinclair: Well, now... your mother's a bit more knowledgeable in that area, and I know she'd like to talk with ya.
- Robbie Sinclair: Yeah, okay.
- Earl Sinclair: 'Cause I know you and your mom had a little run-in, but she's pretty smart, and she can give you some good tips. And if she does...
- Robbie Sinclair: Yeah?
- Earl Sinclair: ... pass them along to me! [laughs]
Season 4 edit
The Terrible Twos edit
- [Franny puts on Baby's Blarney video to try to calm his anger]
- Blarney: Okay, here we go!
- I am Blarney, I love you. [chorus] E-I-E-I-O!
- And if you're nice, you'll love me, too! [chorus] E-I-E-I-O! [Baby gives the TV a vicious look]
- Robbie: Well, it does seem to have quieted him down a little.
- Blarney and Friends:
- With a love-love here and a love-love there,
- Here a love, there a love, everywhere a love-love! [Robbie cringes at the TV]
- Franny: It's interesting, he strikes a chord with children. Something about Blarney elicits the purest feelings of warmth and affection.
- Baby: EAT GLASS, BLARNEY!! [shoots his bottle at the TV, Blarney somehow notices this]
- Blarney: AAAAAHHHHH!!! [the TV explodes, Robbie and Fran gasp]
- Baby: DIE, SCUM! DIE!! [laughs maniacally]
- Robbie: Well, I gotta say, I'm with him!
- Franny: That does it! [takes slingshot away] I am fed up with your bad behavior! You are going to your room!
- Baby: NO! I WANT PRESENTS!!
- Franny: You are going to your room! There will be no more presents!
- Earl: It's present time!
Changing Nature edit
- Howard Handupme: Good morning. Last night's massive airel springs have succeeding destroying all of the cider poppies, unfortunately it also kills all other forms of plant life on the planet.
- Stan: [sadly] Well, there goes breakfast.
- Howard Handupme: ...and so it seems the task force solution to the cider poppy problem, has caused an environmental calamity of catastrophic proportions.
- Baby: Somebody's in trouble.
- Earl: [happily] Good morning, everyone! Isn't it a beautiful day?
- Fran: [angrily] Earl, have you look outside? That spray of yours killed every plant on Earth!
- Earl: D'oh, pish-posh, Franny! Didn't the operation of this magnitude just bound to be some unfortunate casualties, but let's not giving the wild hunt purply. [Earl sees the valley with dead plants; Earl gasps in shocked] Duh... maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.
- Charlene: [shocked in anger] A little? [furious] Your stupid spray killed all plant life!
- Earl: Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway!
- Charlene: [shocked in anger] Huh?
- Robbie: [angrily] You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!
- Earl: Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.
- [Robbie groans in anger]
- Fran: [furious] Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!
- Baby: I can!
- Earl: [reassuringly] Hey, let's not get panicky. Our Task Force Technical Advisor will know exactly how to bring back the plants.
- [Earl's statement of reassurance is immediately trashed as the scene cuts to WeSaySo's office.]
- B.P. Richfield: How the heck should I know?! I'm a captain of industry, not a gardener!!!
- [Earl is on phone with B.P. Richfield after their latest attempt to correct nature ended up causing a global ice age and the inevitable extinction of the dinosaurs.]
- B.P. Richfield: What are you whining about now, Sinclair?
- Earl: Sir, I think we may have gone just a neentsy bit too far this time.
- B.P. Richfield: I don't know what you're talking about. Why, this sudden cold snap is a godsend. Dinosaurs are flocking to stores, buying WESAYSO heaters, WESAYSO blankets, and WESAYSO old-fashioned hot cocoa mix. [Laughs briefly] We're going to have the best third quarter in history.
- Earl: Uh, sir, I think this could be the last third quarter in history.
- B.P. Richfield: Oh, don't turn into one of those environmental doomsdayers, Sinclair. [Fake whines] Boo hoo. It's raining acid. There's a hole in the ozone. You're hurting Flipper. Bah. Bunch of tree hugging pantywastes. They're always standing in the way of progress, and it's our job to pave right over them.
- Earl: I think you're missing the point, sir. The world may be coming to an end.
- B.P. Richfield: Well, that's a fourth quarter problem. We'll drop a bomb on that bridge when we come to it. Right now, my biggest problem is trying to figure out what to do with all this money!!! [Laughs maniacally while tossing around the money on his desk.]
- [The Sinclairs, who are wearing warm clothing, and Stan the Bunch Beetle are seen inside the Sinclair household as snow falls heavily outside the house. Earl is seen sadly looking out the window while the others are shown sitting close to each other.]
- Earl: Could I have everybody's attention? There's something I have to say. [Sighs] First of all, Stan, I have to apologize to you.
- Stan the Bunch Beetle: Yeah, sure, whatever.
- Earl: I now realize that building that wax fruit factory on your mating ground was wrong. Oh, sure, wax fruit's important, but... but so are bunch beetles.
- Stan the Bunch Beetle: Gee, that's big of you Earl. But I'm still feeling kind of blue. Maybe if there was someone holding me to her comforting bosom...[To Charlene] Hi.
- [Charlene looks at Stan, then whacks him with her hand, knocking him to the ground.]
- Stan the Bunch Beetle: Ooh! I'll take it.
- [Charlene giggle.]
- Earl: And, I guess I owe the rest of you an apology too. You know, for bringing on the end of the world and civilization and everything.
- Ethyl: I always knew you'd screw things up. I just didn't know how bad.
- Fran: Mother, he said he was sorry.
- Earl: And I know I put too much faith in progress and technology, and had too little respect for nature. [Sad music starts playing the background.] But, it's so easy to take nature for granted because it's always there. And technology is so bright and shiny and new.
- Fran: We understand, sweetheart.
- Baby: Understand what?
- [Charlene and Robbie look at Earl, silently telling him to explain to Baby what is happening.]
- Earl: Uh... Well, little guy, what happened was... Daddy was put in charge of the world and he didn't take real good care of it. And now, it looks like there won't be much of a world left for you or your brother and sister to live in.
- Baby: Are we gonna move?
- Earl: Well, no. There's no place to move to. This is the only world we got.
- Baby: But, what's gonna happen to us?
- Earl: Well, I don't exactly know.
- Robbie: But whatever it is, nobody's gonna leave you.
- Charlene: That's right, little guy. We'll all stay together.
- Robbie: Yeah.
- Earl: Yeah. Yeah, and hey, I'm sure it'll all work out OK. After all, dinosaurs have been on this Earth for 150 million years. And, it's not like we're going to just...disappear.
- [Last lines of the series]
- Howard Handupme: And taking a look at the long-range forecast: continued snow, darkness, and extreme cold. This is Howard Handupme. Good night. [pause] Goodbye.
Unaired Episodes edit
Georgie Must Die edit
- Georgie: Fran, I'm sure is just a matter of time, [evil voice] A LIFE TIME!!
Repeated lines and catch phrases edit
- Earl: Honey, I'm home.
- Baby: Not the mama!
- Baby: I'm the baby, gotta love me!
- Baby [after being severely injured]: Again!
- Mr. Lizard: We're going to need another Timmy!
- B.P. Richfield: Sinclair! In here, now!
- Roy: Hey there, pally boy.