Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Diary of a Wimpy Kid is a series of fiction books written by the American author and cartoonist Jeff Kinney. In 2010, a film was released by 20th Century Fox and was soon followed by three more sequels.

Greg Heffley

First of all, let me get something straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say "diary" on it. Great. All I need is for some jerk to catch me carrying this book around and get the wrong idea.
Anyway, when Rodrick gets First Prize tomorrow and passes Science, I just hope he realizes how lucky he is to have a brother like ME.
Well, I'm going to sleep. Good night.
Hey, have you ever noticed this freckle before?
Ugh, I'm so tired.
Should we dig it up?
Who are we going to help this time!?
That sounds like a good place to start.
Why they call those things rubber duckies.
Quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, tweet, quack...
(doing a skit in Spanish) Estario parado en mi ay-ay-ay!
But like they say, a deal's a deal.
Let me just say for the record I think middle school is the dumbest idea ever invented. You got kids like me who haven't hit their growth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas who need to shave twice a day. And then they wonder why bullying is such a big problem in middle school.
I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.

Rodrick Heffley

Sissy. (punches Greg)
I heard on the radio that the baby could be born tonight.
I see, Why don't you try writing it down?
Then let's hike through the forest to Manny's room! But make sure to watch out for bears.
Sure thing, Mom.

Manny Heffley

Bubby fwowed wock at big window [sliding glass door].
Bubby did it.
(making an excuse) I'm ownwy thwee!
I'm sowwy, Bubby.
(what he calls Greg) Bubby!
Ploopy.
Tingy.
Mommy.
Daddy.
First thing, tomorrow?
Purple, purple, purple...
One, Two, Free, Four, Five.
Ducky.
Quack, quack.
Would you wike some chokwits?

Frank Heffley

(at a swim meet) Stop shivering, Greg!
(to Manny) I think I just heard some grunting noises coming from the furnace room.
What? I can't enjoy my music, too?
Okay, Time for my shower, Whoa! Okay!
Well, I guess my shower can wait.
Oh, thank goodness, there's a simple solution!
The mail’s here, Here’s the mail that never fails It makes me want to wag my tail When it comes I wanna wail mail…
Aw, You tell you what, Daddy'll read you a bedtime story.
Good night, Manny. Good night, Greg. Good night, Rodrick.
I must be losing my marbles.
Aye.
We have our heading.
Never seen this one before.
It's 7:00 in the morning, Greg. I'm gonna need some coffee.
We're in my mind, and I thought this woman was a total quack.
Cause they would quack up!
There you go, quack-job.
Quack, quack.
Good luck with that!
One of the biggest lemurs in Madagascar.
All ready to take off from Africa.
Oh! That looks like a pretty purple flower to me,
So your weekends are spent drinking beer and watching football with your wife?
(To Rowley) The basement is off limits!

Susan Heffley

You forgot your lunch at home!
Did you do the right thing?
(gasps) Oh, Manny, look! It's your very first teddy bear!
I guess he got tucked away up here. You want him back, sweetie?
You sure you don't want him?
Okay Manny, It’s time for you to get dressed.
Let's pick out a cute shirt for you. Then I thought we can go to the video store.
All right, time for 8:15 drop-off. Now Mommy’s on a quick break till 3:30. Aahh, Toughest job in the world.
Have a good day, Manny.
Hi, honey. Mommy needs money for scratchers.
Oh, she was really cool looking.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt His name is my name too
More bubbles sweetie.
It tastes like candy.
Oink, oink, Oink, oink, oink.
Actually, you know who you remind me of?
That's not nice!
B says Buh Buh Buh
Wuh Wuh, Walrus
C-A-T, Cat.
Good night, Manny, at 11:45 P.M., which is a bedtime that works for you. I love you, sweetie. Mwah.
Oh, they're really cute.
Hi, honey bunches!
Oh, this one's sort of purple?
(to Rodrick's band leader sticking out his tongue) I don't like that!
Sometimes, I just roll around campus like a little football.
(To Greg) You forgot this, sweetie pie. (shows sports bag to Greg)

Rowley Jefferson

Joshie says that you should respect your parents and follow your dreams!
That's a good idea.
So, what happens now? Is the game over?
I don’t know.
Don'’t worry, he doesn'’t bite. He just loves to snuggle.
Greg, I got you this apology card. The duck, you know, on the front, he thinks what I did was "quackers," and maybe he's right.

Fregley

(when he has to pee) Juice! Juuuice!
Wanna see my "Secret Freckle"?
What sound the cow makes." It's "moo." "Quack" is a duck.
(in letter form) Dear Gregory, I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back. (Greg faints)
I bet you I can put your whole foot in my mouth!
(To Greg) Can I peek at your infection?

Dialogue

Fregley: Wanna see my "secret freckle"?
Greg: Umm... no thanks.

(Rowley and Greg are playing Formula One Racing)
TV: BAD FART AHEAD!
Rowley: Bwaahahahaha.

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist?
Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!

(In front of Manny)
Susan: I love you soooo much!
Frank: And I love you so much!

(Whenever Rowley comes over)
Frank: The basement is off-limits.
Rowley: Yes, sir.

(Trying out a secret code)
Greg: Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa!
Rowley: Hee hee hee!
(Rowley's dad kicks Greg out)

Greg: Did you see any sharks fighting giant tarantulas on your safari?
Rowley: No. And sharks don't fight tarantulas.
Greg: Well, at Wild Kingdom they do.

Fregley: Can I peek at your infection?
Greg: Go away.

Greg: Rowley here just got back from South Dakota!
Rowley: South America!
Greg: Whatever!

Susan: Why don't you go outside and play with Fregley?
Greg: I think Fregley might be naked.

(Greg plays Rodrick's music without headphones plugged in, Frank rushes in)
Frank: Let's you and me have a talk, FRIEND.

(In book writing)
Greg: Mom has a TOTALLY different style when it comes to punishment. If you mess up and Mom catches you, the first thing she does is take a few days to figure out what your punishment should be. And while you're waiting, you do all these nice things to get off easier.
(main dialogue)
Greg: I just dusted the dining room for the heck of it!
Susan: How thoughtful of you!
(book writing)
Greg: But then after a few days, right when YOU forget you're in trouble, that's when she lays it on you.
(main dialogue, Greg playing video games)
Susan: Are you having fun?
Greg: YEAH!
Susan: No video games for a week!

(That's brutal if you ask me)

(book writing)
Greg: I'm still grounded from playing video games, so Manny has been using my system. Mom went out and bought a whole bunch of educational video games, and watching Manny play them is like torture.
(main dialogue)
TV: What number comes after two and rhymes with "tree"?
Susan: Hmm...
Greg: THREE! THREE!