And The In-Laws Meet [1.2] Edit
Greg: It's raining. We're not going to sleep in the rain, are we?
Dharma: No, silly, you don't sleep in the rain. You make love in the rain.
Greg: Ah. What if there's lightning?
Dharma: Then you get to be on top.
Dharma: He acted this way when I wanted to be a Girl Scout.
Larry: It's a para-military organization with cookies.
Larry: Next thing you know, she'll get a social security number.
Dharma: I got one.
Larry: What? Why?
Dharma: I opened a checking account.
Larry: Are you insane? You're on the grid now. They can find you anywhere.
Greg: Who's "they"?
Shower The People You Love With Love [1.3] Edit
And Then There's The Wedding [1.4] Edit
[Before Dharma and Greg's wedding]
: Can you see me? Dharma
: Yes. Greg
Dharma: Oh, I totally misunderstood that groom-can't-see-the-bride-in-her-wedding-dress-thing.
[Kitty comes in]
Kitty: What are you doing here? You can't see her in her dress!
Dharma: See, that's what I thought!
Abby: Larry, did you eat meat?
Abby: You ate meat. I can smell it.
Larry: That's my tongue. It's made of meat.
Kitty: Look! Look at these! They're awful!
Edward: They're just flowers. Nobody cares.
Kitty: And by "nobody", you mean "you".
Kitty: Well, let me tell you something, Edward. Everybody cares. And by "everybody" I mean "me". I care, Edward. That is my job in this family. I care. I care at every Christmas dinner. I care at every business function. I care everytime that maid puts a meal down in front of you. And for some reason or other, you don't seem to notice.
Edward: All right, all right. Here's the checkbook.
Kitty: Thank you, Thank you, Edward. I will tuck this away in the gaping void that was once my soul.
Edward: Don't lose the pen this time.
The Ex-Files [1.5] Edit
Yoga and Boo Boo [1.6] Edit
Indian Summer [1.7] Edit
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father [1.9] Edit
The First Thanksgiving [1.10] Edit
Kitty:: Oh, Gregory, darling, every bride thinks she wants to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and it always ends up the same. Someone cries, someone is rushed to the emergency room and a perfectly lovely bird gets wasted. Which, if I don't eat soon, will be me.
Instant Dharma [1.11] Edit
Haus Arrest [1.12] Edit
You Want Fries With That? [1.13] Edit
Old Yeller [1.14] Edit
: Honey.. I love you, but bite me. Dharma
The Second Coming Of Leonard [1.15] Edit
Dharma & Greg's First Romantic Valentine's Day Weekend [1.16] Edit
The Official Dharma & Greg Episode Of The 1998 Winter Olympics [1.17] Edit
Daughter Of The Bride Of Finkelstein [1.18] Edit
Dharma's Tangled Web [1.19] Edit
The Cat's Out Of The Bag [1.20] Edit
Dharma: What's going on ?
Greg: Well there is no pretty way to say this but my father picked up a woman who robbed him and left him tied to a bed in a hotel room...
Pete: Hey buddy, take it easy on him it can be pretty upsetting the first time.
Spring Forward, Fall Down [1.21] Edit
Much Ado During Nothing [1.22] Edit
Kitty: What is it ?
Greg: It's a duck.
Ed: That's not a duck, it's a goose.
Dharma: Yes, but captain, my captain, goose does not rhyme...
Invasion Of The Buddy Snatcher [1.23] Edit
Roger: Dharma do you have anything for a headache ?
Dharma: Why what's the matter ?
Roger: I have a headache...
Dharma: Well Roger that's just a symptom, I mean usually there is an emotional problem that goes along with a physical illness...
Roger: Yeah, aspirin, ibuprofen...
Dharma: Loneliness, depression, anger...
Pete: So it doesn't bother you that your wife is talking to Stuart about his...well you know ?
Greg: You can say impotence.
Pete: No you can't ! Cause if you say it, you think it and if you think it you got it !
Larry: I can not endorse by my actions any system that places one human being in servitude to an other.
Ringing Up Baby [2.1] Edit
Greg: Pete, she's having a baby !
Pete: Yeah but she's giving it to you !
Greg: No, she's not !
Pete: Hey how long after they have the kid do they keep making milk ?
Greg: Seek professional help you are ill.
Greg: We'll get her things and we'll go to the hospital.
Dharma: Why she's not sick ?!
Greg: Dharma, people have babies in hospitals
Dharma: Yeah, I know isn't it horrible ?
Kitty: You're not going to take this girl to a hospital ?
Aby: Why, she's not sick !
Greg: Mother, maybe you could give her a hand ?
Kitty: Oh I don't know anything about childbirth !
Greg: What do you mean, you had me ?
Kitty: Oh Gregory don't be vulgar !
It Takes a Village [2.2] Edit
Greg: Who are all this people ?
Abby: Oh they're gonna help us with the baby.
Greg: Why ?
Dharma: Because it takes a village to raise a child Greg.
Greg: It does ?
Kitty: And, I realised that my true destiny was to be the matriarch of a large powerfull family. Like the Kennedys. But not catholic.
Dharma: So why didn't you had a lot of kids ?
Kitty: I couldn't have any more after Gregory
Dharma: Oh really I'm sorry... Why ?
Kitty: It hurt too bad.
Turn Turn Turn [2.3] Edit
Kitty: Edward tell him.
Edward: What happened to shut up and drive ?
Kitty: Oh please ! You mean your gonna get my grandson drunk and perform a surgery on him in the living room ?
Abby: You know, look frankly, Kitty I don't believe in circoncision either, but when it comes to penises Larry is very jewish.
Dharma: Picture how incredible would have been high school if your mother had sat you down and taught you how to please a woman ?
Greg: Thanks for that picture honey I may never have sexe again...
The Paper Hat Anniversary [2.4] Edit
Unarmed and Dangerous [2.5] Edit
A Closet Full of Hell [2.6] Edit
Valet Girl [2.7] Edit
Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date [2.8] Edit
Brought to You in DharmaVision [2.9] Edit
Yes, We Have No Bananas (or Anything Else for That Matter) [2.10] Edit
The House That Dharma Built [2.11] Edit
Death and Violins [2.13] Edit
Dharma and Greg on a Hot Tin Roof [2.14] Edit
Dharma and the Horse She Rode In On [2.15] Edit
See Dharma Run [2.16] Edit
Greg: Are you sure you're ok ?
Pete: Yeah, I'm fine...
Greg: What's going on with you and that girl, what's her name, Eileene ?
Pete: There is no Eileen... I made her up
Greg: But... You said you met her parents, and that they hated you ?
Pete: They would have...
Jane: What's new?
Pete: My life is empty and has no meaning.
Jane: I asked you what's new.
Larry: Don't touch their money Dharma, it's a deal with the devil.
Kitty: Are you calling us the devil ?
Larry: You only want her elected so she'll wage war to support your military-industrial complex !
Greg: San Francisco Board of Supervisors does not wage war...
Larry: Of course not, they send the young boys ! Where have all the flowers gone, answer me that !
Ed: You smoke them, Finklestein.
Run, Dharma, Run [2.17] Edit
See Dharma Run Amok [2.18] Edit
Everybody Must Get Stones [2.19] Edit
Dharma Drags Edward Out of Retirement [2.20] Edit
It Never Happened One Night [2.21] Edit
Bed, Bath and Beyond [2.22] Edit
A Girl Can Dream, Can't She? [2.23] Edit
The Dating Game [2.24] Edit
External links Edit