Dark Angel

Dark Angel (2000–2002) is a science fiction television series about a genetically-enhanced human prototype hunted by her former military handlers through the edgy, underground street life version of 21st century America. She is aided in her quest - both to avoid capture and reunite with her "siblings" scattered in the aftermath of their escape - by an idealistic cyber-journalist battling repression and corruption in post-apocalypse.

Season 1

Pilot (1.01)

Max [voiceover]: The escape was not my idea. I mean, escape to what? We didn't know anything else. It was Zack who said we had to leave. So, I guess he saved my life. I didn't think we should separate. But he wouldn't listen. And I never even got a chance to thank him.

Max [voiceover]: They used to say one nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day. It was sort of a joke, until the June morning those terrorist bozos whacked us with an electromagnetic pulse from 80 miles up. You always hear people yapping on how it was all different before the pulse. Land of milk and honey blah, blah, blah, blah with plenty of food and jobs and things actually worked. I was too young to remember, so, whatever... The thing I don't get is why they call it a depression. I mean, everybody's broke, but they aren't really all that depressed. Life goes on.

Logan: You're a thief?

Max: Girl's got to make a living.

Logan: Thank God.

Max: First time I ever heard that one.

Max: Girls kick ass, says so on the t-shirt.

Kendra: It sucks.

Max: What sucks?

Kendra: I come home, it's 3:00 a.m. You're still out. I feel like I got hit by a cement truck and you've been up for an hour bouncing around. That, by definition, sucks.

Max: I made you coffee. That ought to help cope with the injustice of the world a little.

Max: Let me get my coat.

Logan: The one you're wearing?

Max: ...Right.

Logan: Look around at all this. Built by people who got up every morning, worked hard trying to make a better life. Then the pulse happened and everyone got scared. They blinked and before they knew it they turned over the store to a bunch of thugs who were happy to take it off their hands. Overnight, the government, the police, everything intended to protect the people had been turned against them.

Max: So you miss the good old days. Even though there were still poor people who died from diseases when they didn't need to, and rich people who still spent obscene amounts of money redecorating the house to match the cat. Those good old days?

Logan: Even if they took it for granted, they still had a choice. Now they don't.

Reagen 'Normal' Ronald: So you just left it?

Herbal: Nobody there to sign for it, man.

Herbal: What's a brother supposed to do? Ride 'round all day with the damn package?

Normal: So you decided to return it to the sender. Or, in this case, sender's wife.

Herbal: Like the prophet say, only the unrighteous husband send expensive gift-wrapped panties to another woman.

Normal: It's none of your business. None of your business. Or mine.

Herbal: Sure. It concern only Jah. But, in this case, I was the instrument of the Most High.

Normal: Well, around here, I'm the most high. All right?

Darren: Trying to have a relationship with you, Max, is like standing in a fog bank. You know, you're right in the middle of something except you have absolutely no idea where you are.

Cindy: And when the fog lifted, there was Darren with his head under Justine's skirt.

Kendra: I feel almost human.

Max: Yeah. Me, too.

Max [voiceover]: America really thought they had it dialed in, money hanging out the butt. But it was all just a bunch of ones and zeros in a computer someplace. So, when that bomb went ka-blooey and the electromagnetic pulse turned all the ones and zeros into plain old zeros, everyone's like, "No way!" Now, America's just another broke ex-super power looking for a handout and wondering why.

Eyes Only: Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is a Streaming Freedom Video bulletin. The cable hack will last exactly 60 seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped and it is the only free voice left in the city.

Max: I steal things in order to sell them for money. It's called commerce.

Max [sarcastically]: I'm really glad we're having this conversation. You're right, I was angry at you. But talking about it... the scales have fallen from my eyes and I realize now that... it was all my fault. Could you ever forgive me?

Logan: You have good taste. French, 1920s, attributed to Chitarus.

Max: Whoever that is.

Logan: Oh. So... what, you liked it 'cause it was shiny?

Max: No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer, giver of life who lives forever.

Max: Kendra, this is a motorcycle. Its sole reason for being is to go fast, very fast. Not for you to use as a clothesline. Now, make no mistake. I love you as a friend and a roommate, but I love my motorcycle more. Stay away from the bike, okay?

Peter: We trying to ID the perp or your new girlfriend?

Logan: If I just got my ass handed to me by a size three I might be inclined to mind my own business.

Normal: You tell Theo if he's not in tomorrow, he can start looking for another job.

Max: I don't know how to break this to you, Normal. We're all looking for another job.

Max: Take a header into the deep end when the pool's empty, you're going to go splat. Law of gravity. And even Jesus Christ himself had to obey the law of gravity... for a while, anyway.

Vogelsang: A nuclear airburst wipes out every record of every kind of computer east of the Rockies and you want me to find a woman that you met when you were nine whose last name you don't even know. Maybe you could give me something more on her... some detail... anything.

Max: She was nice.

Vogelsang: Okay, that's big.

Max: You're so stupid, the word special comes to mind!

Sonrisa: Who are you?

Max: You going to put me on your Christmas card list?

Max: Are you high? I've got people looking to either put me in a cage for the rest of my life, turn me into a science project, or kill me. Probably all three. Now I've managed to drop off the radar screen and I plan to keep it that way.

Sonrisa: Sit.

Max: Not right now.

Sonrisa: Not right now. Okay. When?

Max: After you get a new personality and lose about 20 years.

Sonrisa: Quite a mouth on a girl so young. My guess is, talking isn't what it does best.

Max: Only way you're ever going to find out is reincarnation.

Max: So what do you think? Maybe after I betray the woman who trusts me and you grease her and her daughter we could, um... go on a date?

Logan: Look, maybe we got screwed out of living in a time when we could hang out for the afternoon in a cafe someplace wearing $2,000 wristwatches, planning our next vacation, but the world got a whole lot meaner all of a sudden. It wasn't supposed to, but it did. So now it's back to the law of the jungle, and there are predators and victims.

Max [voiceover]: Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else. Like maybe it was a story I heard. The hardest part is not knowing if any of them made it. But if I knew for sure I was the only one left it would be worse. At least now I can make up lives for them... The truth is, they'd just be like me, living on the run, always looking over my shoulder. Hope is for losers. It's a con job people trip behind till they finally get a grip on the cold, hard truth. Still, I hope that they're out there somewhere and that they're okay.

Heat (1.02)

Max [voiceover]: Kendra was right. I am in heat, or something like that... all because they spiced up that genetic cocktail called "me" with a dash of feline DNA, so I can jump 15 feet of razor wire and take out a 250-pound linebacker with my thumb and index finger, which makes me an awesome killing machine and a hoot at parties. But it also means that three times a year I'm climbing the walls, looking for some action. Thank God, the worst of it is over. If I can just get through the next 12 hours without doing something I'm going to regret.

Max: It's amazing what happens when you put three dirtbags in a room and money disappears. Tempers flare. Guns are drawn--three dead dirtbags.

Max: How much about last night do you actually remember?

Eric: Enough to know it's a night I'll never forget.

Cindy: You're heterosexual. What's up with that?

Kendra: No clue.

Kendra: There's only one word for you and it starts with an "s", ends with a "t", and it's got a "u" and "l" in the middle.

Max: "Sult"?

Kendra: A dyslexic slut at that.

Eric: I've got to ask... the other night... was it as amazing for you as it was for me?

Max: Eric, you the man!

Flushed (1.03)

Max [voiceover]: Most days, I get by fine. I blend with the crowd. Just another one of the huddled masses yearning to get by unnoticed. Problemo is, I'm not as like them as I'd like to be. I got made, not born, and because it was humans made me, somewhere along the line couple of wires got crossed in my head. Someone botched the job. So some days, that's how I feel - a botched job.

Logan: You know there was a time when this city actually worked.

Max: Or so they say.

Normal: Well, well, well... so far, your moron colleagues have come up with the following excuses for why you're strolling in here at the crack of noon - you had a dental emergency, your aunt died... again, and my personal favorite from this idiot - you were detained by the sector police for practicing witchcraft. Now, would you care to further insult my intelligence?

Max: I overslept.

Guard [to Max]: Let me ask you, how much does a strung-out little skeeze bag tramp like you go for these days?

Break: Ask your wife.

Guard: What'd you say?

Break: Twenty to life. That's what she ought to get, if you ask me.

Max: So what are you in for?

Break: Cannibalism. I ate my parents.

Cindy: Damn, girl, what's in those pills?

Max: Spinach.

Logan: I always knew that underneath that bio-engineered, military issue armor plating there was a beating heart.

Max: Let's not go overboard here. I'm not signing up to join the Logan Cale Brigade for the Defense of Widows, Small Children and Lost Animals.

Logan: You could be field commander.

Max: I think not.

Max: So what's for dinner? You gonna feed me or you going just sit there?

Logan: You know... You were much sweeter when you weren't feeling well.

Max: The bitch is back.

C.R.E.A.M (1.04)

Eyes Only [After staging Alina's abduction]: Are you all right, Alina?

Alina: In my neighborhood this is a date.

Logan: In this short, brutal life, you've got to seize any opportunity you can to celebrate.

Rafe: You know what, you don’t play so nice with others.

Max: I was home schooled.

Logan: It's a kick or be kicked in the ass world out there.

Sketchy: Your parents must have been terrorists, 'cause you guys are the bomb!

Max: How much did Lans pay you to give up your father?

Alina: You’ll never prove anything!

Max: Did you hate him that much or was it just the money?

Alina: It was both, all right? It was both.

(Max grabs at the briefcase, which flies open and all the money inside begins to blow away)

Max: Say goodbye to one of them.

Alina: No! [Grabs a bunch with her hands]

Max: That should just about cover a one-way ticket to Portland. And you always have your hate.

411 on the DL (1.05)

Normal: I don't want to interrupt your social life with my petty concerns, so why don't we just close down the business and live off the charity of strangers, huh?

Zack/X5-599: Have we met before?

Max: Oh don't tell me you're one of those people, because a raindrop fell in the ocean a million years ago, and a butterfly farted in India, you and I are sitting here drinking a cup of coffee that taste like goat piss.

Sam [aka Zack]: Anything is possible.

Max: Unravel this mystery, grasshopper. What’s the sound of one hand hitting you upside your head, hmm?

Max: I never pictured you as the married type. You're more the lone warrior. You know - windmills, armor.

Max [voiceover]: I don't sleep much, but that's okay. Takes up an awful lot of time, and I can always find something productive to do. Sometimes I think, "What's wrong with all you people, snoring your lives away?" Night is the best part of the whole day.

Herbal: Let the injustice roll off you like water.

Max: I let Normal screeching roll off me like water. I let cheating boyfriends roll off me like water. I let everything that is wrong and lousy in this world roll off me like water -- but this is my motorcycle.

Sam [aka Zack]: Who would I talk to about working here?

Sketchy: Well, if you're smart, no one. But if you're desperate and male prostitution is out of the question talk to that fool. [pointing to Normal]

Normal: [Herbal] was smoking a marijuana cigarette in the men's room.

Sketchy: Herbal Thought happens to be a Rastafarian. Ganja happens to be a sacrament in his religion.

Cindy: It says right there in Genesis: "Thou shalt eat the herb of the fields."

Normal: Listen, if Herbal was nibbling leafy vegetables in the men's room I would give up my life defending his right to do so. But no, that's not the case. He was breaking the law of the land.

...

Cindy: Funny how everything started to fall apart when you canned Herbal.

Normal: Oh, I get it. This is some sort of job slowdown. Ooh! Payback for me trying to operate a drug-free workplace.

Jam Pony Rider: A sacrament-free workplace is more like it.

Logan: There's some food in the kitchen if you're hungry.

Max: Not really.

Logan: Me neither. What time is it?

Max: Late.

Logan: You can crash here if you want. In the guest room.

Max: Not tired.

Logan: Me neither. Feel like going for a spin in the park?

Max: It's raining.

Logan: I don't mind.

Max: Me neither.

Prodigy (1.06)

Max: But you know what really bums my ass out? I had a chance to swipe some towels from the hotel and I totally spaced it.

Logan: So... that was Lydecker.

Max: Yep, my own private Anti-Christ, up close and personal.

Logan: Shorter than I imagined.

Max: I saved his life...

Logan: And here I thought I was special.

Max: He was about to take a bullet in the head. All I had to do was stand there and do nothing, and I could cross Donald Lydecker off my list of things to worry about.

Logan: You didn't exploit tactical advantage over your enemy? He'd be so disappointed if he knew...

Max: How sick is that? But for some reason, I couldn't let it happen. And I have no idea why.

Logan: Life good, murder bad?

Max: You're such a gentleman. [slams the terrorist to the wall] Too bad I'm not a lady.

Max: Thanks. That's what I don't understand about this whole economic breakdown thing. We have this huge toothpaste shortage but you can buy peppermint oil.

Max: They're putting you up [at the hotel] during the conference?

Kendra: Not a chance.

Max: Too bad. I was hoping we could score some towels.

Kendra: If I get invited to shower with anyone I'll see what I can do.

Max [voiceover]: At Manticore, Lydecker used to tell us the same thing: "There are no limits. What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve... With the right training." Only we could still get shot and killed like Eva... starve to death... or drown. I've often wondered why we didn't just turn on him. We were stronger, faster. Any one of us could have snapped his neck before he knew what hit him, but we were too scared and he knew it.

Cold Comfort (1.07)

Normal: Yeah, well, I'd like to take off every June 12, but I don't.

Herbal: What's June 12?

Normal: June 12 is the birthday of my personal hero and perhaps the nation's greatest visionary - George Herbert Walker Bush.

Logan: Whatever operation [Lydecker's] got going here, he's covering it up pretty good.

Zack: Did you look in the yellow pages under "black helicopter operations"?

Logan: Oh, another Manticore wit.

Lydecker [blindfolded]: You're still so angry. You haven't changed much, have you, Zack?

Max: We'll play "pin the name on the barcode" later.

Donald: It was the best of you that ran away that night.

Max: Yeah, well, we wanted to start a rock band.

Sketchy [about Jam Pony's new uniforms]: Even though people are hungry out there, they will throw food at us if we wear something this bogus.

Logan [to Zack, about Max]: In case you haven't caught on, this girl is gonna do what she's gonna do no matter what you or anyone else says. So, you've got two choices - back off or pitch in.

Max: What he said.

Herbal: Normal said if I made two more runs before lunch, he going to make me employee of the week.

Sketchy: Oh, that's awful. Normal's really starting to terrify me.

Original Cindy: For real.

Sketchy: If he's allowed to go unchecked, we are a heartbeat away from compulsory urine testing at Jam Pony.

Herbal: What would he be testing for?

Original Cindy: Knowing Normal, probably flavor.

Lydecker: Can I have some water, please?

Max: Fresh out. I'd spit on you, but it'd be a waste of good saliva.

"Blah Blah, Woof Woof." (1.08)

Max: [humming]

Logan: That's the music.

Max: From... the car?

Logan: Right... from the car.

Max: You know, about what happened...

Logan: After the car?

Max: I was real emotional, with all that was going on.

Logan: I know.

Max: It's not like-

Logan: Me neither-

Max: I mean-

Logan: Exactly-

Max: So long as that's clear.

Logan: I'm glad we talked about it.

Max: Me too.

Logan: [nods]

Max: [smiling] See ya.

Logan: Later.

Max: Oh, I forgot. No fun for Logan Cale. The world’s coming to an end. Fight the power. Protect the downtrodden. Blah blah, woof woof.

Zack: You shouldn't leave your window open if you don't want visitors.

Sung: You know, I'm getting the sense that you are not a man to be taken lightly. Am I right about that, Mr. Ronald? Are you not a man to be taken lightly?

Normal: Uh... Mmm... Yeah. I mean, no. Uh... Uh, yeah, I most certainly am... not.

Logan [after being beaten by Max at chess]: Isn't it against the superhuman code to use your powers to take advantage of we mere mortals?

Max: If you die on me, I'll kick your ass.

Out (1.09)

Max: Why is it that guys are so task oriented? It's just work, work, work, work, work.

Sketchy: Because otherwise all we'd think about is sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

Kendra: Where did you find cold-pressed virgin olive oil from Tuscany in this economy?

Max: I broke into the Italian embassy.

Max: Don't hold up the world on my account.

Logan: The world will still be broken in the morning.

Logan: Fine. I'll just reorganize my entire life because some girl wants to cook dinner for me.

Bling: That's kind of how it works. How civilization happened... And she's not some girl.

Logan: Tell me about it.

Max: I hope I can pull this off.

Kendra: Max, you can do this. I've watched you tear down and rebuild a motorcycle in under two hours.

Max: Different skill set.

Cindy: So how come you're all macked out like a playa playa?

Normal: The reason it's called a personal life is 'cause it's personal.

[Normal hands a package to Max.]

Normal: Here. Hot run, 930 Iliff. Beat it. Away you go.

Max/Cindy: Booty call.

Max: Men. They just don't have the mental or emotional capacity to make a real connection.

Kendra: You're better off kicking it with some gorgeous slow-witted stud who you can send on his way.

Max: I'm swearing off the whole gender.

Kendra: I tried that. You will so hate your life.

Sketchy: In defense of my gender women come into the world with a mission which is to make offspring. Men have to find a mission, create things. Um, space travel. Space travel, the carbureted bong. I personally know this guy who figured out a way to breathe through his anus by threading ordinary aquarium tubing inside his colon.

Max: You know what? I am beginning to think that Normal's right- you are an idiot.

Red (1.10)

Max: Just like I thought - it's that idiot in 12B. Where does he get off thinking he can jack our power on bath night?

Kendra: Says he needs it for his space heater so his cannabis crop doesn't die.

Max [removes the power cables and replaces them]: Tough. I'm gonna have a hot bath. His weed's gonna have to chill. I mean, we stole the power first - it belongs to us.

Kendra: Totally.

Max: Bruno?! I thought you were dead!

Bruno: I thought you were dead.

Max: Sorry to disappoint.

[He tightens his grip around her waist.]

Max: Oh, great. Now I need another bath.

Bruno: I'm serious! I gotta call my kid.

Max: You actually have offspring? Is it considered Homo sapiens?

Logan [on phone, clearly expecting Max]: Hey.

Cindy: Hey.

Logan [surprised]: Hey.

Cindy: You got Original Cindy here.

Logan: Oh. Hey.

Cindy: We already did that.

Logan: Just get him to the courtroom in one piece so he can talk.

Max: Does he need to have all his teeth?

Max: Excuse me. The gentleman I checked in with-

Concierge: Your husband?

Max: Yeah. Do you know where he went?

Concierge: I called him a cab. Where is my ten percent?

Max: Ten percent? Of what?

Concierge: Either I get paid, or you don't work this hotel again.

[Max grabs him by the neck and pulls him across the desk.]

Max: You puttin' the touch on the working girls? You think you deserve a piece of the action for sittin' here on your can, lookin' down your nose at them? I don't think so.

Concierge: I can't breathe.

Max: I ever hear about you shaking down my sisters again, I'll come back here and slap you like the bitch that you are. Now where did my husband go?

Concierge: Steel Pole Saloon, Eighth and Pender.

Max [releasing him]: Have a nice night.

Logan: They got you good.

Max: I need to get my ass kicked once in a while. Just to keep me real.

Logan: These guys aren't going away, Max.

Max: Kinda pesky like that.

Logan: Max...

Max: You don't have to tell me to be afraid. I'm already there.

Art Attack (1.11)

Max: Maybe weddings should be held in secret. That way, when the marriage falls apart you haven't spent a whole lot of loot on what was really a big old public humiliation...

Uncle Jonas: You must think I'm talking through my hat.

Max: Not unless you wear your hat on your ass.

Gangster: Do you know what defenestration is?

Other guy: Isn't that when you cut all the trees down?

Sketchy: One thing you can say about Normal is at least he knows who he is.

Cindy: A constipated, crusty, angry, rhythm-free, Republican white man?

Cindy: Well, what’s in it for me?

Normal: Money. Lots of it... Ten bucks.

Max: With my DNA I’m pretty much a blood relative to everybody who’s been anybody, ever. Winston Churchill... Einstein... Pocahontas.

Normal: I can’t believe they actually came through for me.

Duvalier: What you thought, they just was gonna let you die?

Normal: Yes, actually. They don’t like me too much.

Duvalier: I could understand that.

Rising (1.12)

Woman: So, have you worked in insurance before?

Original Cindy: Technically speaking, no. But remember back in school when you used to play the dozens?

Woman: I'm sorry?

Original Cindy: You know, trading insults. Like, your breath's so bad, when people call you on the phone they hang up. I happen to be blessed with mad verbal skills. Kids used to pay me cash money to come up with dis they could use. So, in a way, I guess you could say I sold insurance against catastrophic tongue failure.

Logan: [on the answering machine] You've reached the number you dialled.

Original Cindy [selling insurance over the phone]: Hello? Is this Mr. Rogelio Riquelme? Have you ever worried what might happen to you or your dependants if you were left unable to work due to a disfiguring accident? No, no, don't hang up. Do not hang up this phone. [Sighs] I know you're a busy man, sugar, but let me keep it real for y'all. You lose an arm or a leg and Washington Meridian Insurance is gonna drop 20 large on whatever is left of your ass, which is better than nothin', aiight? Is that your seed I hear crying his little head off? What's his name, boo? And what's little Rogelio and the baby's mamma gonna do if you stone-cold dead? No, daddy, no dolla, dolla. Unless you step to me and plan for that child's future. 'Cause Original Cindy has got you covered all over like foundation makeup on a drag queen.

Logan: I got a surprise for you... cover your eyes

Max: Is it a new carburettor? It is, isn't it.

Logan: No.

Max: Flowers? Jewellery?

Logan: Since when do you wear jewellery?

Max: I'm open to the idea!

Logan: It's not jewellery. Don't peek.

Max: I'm not!

Max: [Bleeding from her eyes after inserting the implant] How do I look in red?

Original Cindy: (selling insurance over the phone) How much if you lost your what? What am I wearing? (hangs up on customer) Freak.

The Kidz Are Aiight (1.13)

Original Cindy: This is just one more reason I'm glad I'm a lesbian. We don't put ourselves through all this drama. After the second date, we move in together.

Max: You called me, right? You remembered my number.

Zack: It's not the same.

Max: Yes, you can do it if you try.

Zack: No, it's different with you. I mean, how could I forget... a single thing about you? How could I?

Max: Eyes Only just made himself another enemy.

Logan: Well, it was getting a little quiet around here.

Female Trouble (1.14)

Cindy: By the way, some of those black-helicopter storm-trooper folks stopped by, asking about a transgenic teenage killing machine. I said you were out.

Jace: Because I am dumb. I am so damn dumb that it would take ten acts of divine providence to raise me to the level of blissful ignorance. SIR!

Logan: An X5 assassin in a family way.

Max: How’d it happen?

Vertes: In the usual manner, I suspect.

Max: Sounds like Manticore’s gotten its swerve on since my day.

Max: Donald Lydecker, wherever you are, you can kiss my genetically-engineered ass!

Haven (1.15)

Calvin 'Sketchy' Theodore: It's gonna run out before they get to us.

Max: Will you stop?

Sketchy: I really need new shoes, man.

Max: Uh, Sketchy, this line's for gas.

Sketchy: I know. Sky said if I score him a couple gallons of premium, he'd give me a pair of bike tires. Hey, no cutting!

Max: I thought you wanted shoes.

Sketchy: Sky doesn't have shoes. Herbal has shoes.

Max: So you're gonna trade him the tires for the shoes.

Sketchy: Herbal doesn't need tires. He needs a waffle iron for his lady. Original Cindy needs tires.

Max: And Original Cindy has a waffle iron.

Sketchy: No, Normal has a waffle iron. He's gonna swap Original Cindy for some lingerie so she can give it to Herbal for the tires Sky's giving me for the gas, which is how I'm getting my shoes.

Max: Nice. What does Normal want with lingerie?

Sketchy: I'm a businessman. I don't ask questions.

Sage: Triptophan... I'll get you some milk.

Max: How did you know?

Sage: My aunt's a doctor. She doesn't just give you a glass of milk when you can't sleep- she tells you why it's gonna work.

Max: If I'd known this was gonna be an Eyes Only wilderness retreat, I wouldn't have come.

Logan: So I'm just supposed to let him get away with it?

Max: You can't right every wrong.

Logan: You've got to at least try.

Max: Whatever. Go talk to your source. This girl's gonna kick back, make S'mores, and relax.

Logan: Fine. I'll be back later.

Max: Don't hurry.

Logan: [glaring at her on his way out] Have fun. Because that is the most important thing.

Max: I'll try. Even though I'll be wracked by guilt since I don't have enough to share with every single person on this planet.

Max: Class One, VIP, no-questions-asked sector passes. I had to hang upside-down outside the window for an hour to swipe these from police headquarters. I almost horked, I got so nauseous, and I hate horking. You're not bailing on me.

Man: Welcome to Cape Haven.

Max: ...Where the men are men and the tourists are afraid.

Max: It's good to know that when the superhero's otherwise occupied, the sidekick's ready to step in. How are you feeling?

Logan: Okay, considering I've never killed anyone before.

Max: Sometimes, you have no other choice.

Shorties in Love (1.16)

Max: What is it with guys and lesbians anyway? I mean, what's so damn fascinating about being unwanted by the opposite sex?

Sidney Croal: Pain in the joints or limbs?

Max: No, but I'm beginning to notice a very acute pain in my ass.

Max: On another matter, not unrelated, our new hot water heater is non-operational due to an accident caused by rats eating up our building. If I happen to find some cash along with these disks, you don't mind if I help myself? I realize your mission is to save the world and what I'm suggesting probably sounds opportunistic, but ya know, stealing from a thief really isn't like stealing at all!

Logan: Just get me the disks- and anything else you do... I don't want to know about.

Original Cindy: What? You never had a manicure before, boo?

Max: No. Sounds too much like Manticore.

Sketchy: I pretty much get the drift here. You don't feature dudes.

Diamond: Let's just say Diamond's never met a man worthy of her kiss, but I know how you boys like a challenge.

Logan: So why would a player like Croal be interested in Diamond?

Max: Maybe they dated when she was going through her experimental period and it ended badly.

Diamond: Looks like Diamond's finally found a man worthy of her kiss...

Pollo Loco (1.17)

Lydecker: You think this is all some kind of joke? These kids are like puppies you can bring home and housebreak? They were designed to kill. Coldly... efficiently... and happily. You think because she's so pretty that she isn't as dangerous? They're all killers. All they need is a trigger. You may think you have some kind of relationship between the two of you, but let me tell you something, son. She's not the girl next door. You have no idea what she's capable of doing.

Max: Bet [Lydecker would] love to figure out what the hell went wrong with you.

Ben: Nothing went wrong with me! I'm doing what I was made to do, what we were taught to do!

Max: Hunt people down to perform amateur dental surgery? I must've missed that class.

Max: You can't keep trying to recreate Manticore.

Ben: We never should've left. Everything made sense there.

Max: No. Nothing made sense there.

Max [in confessional]: It's me.

Father Destry [smiling]: You're not supposed to tell me that.

Max: Oh. So how does this bitch work?

I And I Am A Camera (1.18)

Phil: Aw... damn, got a screw loose.

Max: No argument there.

Max: You know, only a bored, rich, liberal, white guy would piss away a fortune to prove he wasn't a bored, rich, liberal, white guy.

Max: The one thing I learned in my years at Manticore is never underestimate what people are capable of doing to each other.

Logan: My uncle, for all his privilege, went right for the heart of darkness. You've lived your life trying to get as far away from that as possible.

Phil: I can see your future.

Max: Then you've already watched me turn around and walk away, 'cause you're a whack job.

Sketchy: ...And we're jumped by a pack of local hard bodies. I throw a few punishers to defend our girl's honor, but these dudes are large and numerous. I go down... eventually.

Phil [referring to a cigarette butt]: Pick it up.

Kid: Hey, let me go.

Phil: I said pick it up.

Kid: Who the hell are you?

Phil: This is where it starts. Pretty soon the streets are a river of garbage. All the windows are broken, obscene graffiti everywhere. So, why shouldn't the girl sell her body in an alley to buy drugs? Pick it up, now.

Mugger: You wanna die tonight, skidmark? [takes out a gun and points it at Sketchy]

Sketchy: Uh, that'd be a negative. Here. [hands his wallet over and the man knocks him down]

Max: See now, you shouldn't have done that 'cause even though he's a drunken idiot, he happens to be a friend and I gotta kick your ass.

Original Cindy: Like Original Cindy always says, the night holds a million secrets.

Sketchy: You got that right. I'm 90% certain that zombies walk among us.

Original Cindy [referring to Normal]: And here he comes.

Kid 1 [throws ball to his friend]: Dead guy over there.

Kid 2: We know. He's the foul line.

Phil: (smells his hands) I gotta go wash my hands. Uh, I'm afraid our friend Pedro peed his pants.

Logan: (as a toast) To my dear uncle Jonas, who, underneath his winning smile, was a cold-blooded killer.

Hit A Sista Back (1.19)

Brin [to Max]: You're not the mission. Go. You saved my life once; now we're even. The next time I see you, little sister, I'm bringing you home.

Max [voiceover]: Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a castle in a faraway land. One day, she and her brothers and sisters escaped the evil king who held them captive there, and tried to make their way in the world. It was hard because the king never stopped looking for them. But the princess was lucky. She fell in love and had a family and she was very happy. But one day, the evil king and his men found her and took her away, so there was no happily ever after, only the happily ever now that had been hers for a little while. And no matter what they did to the princess, nothing could ever take that away from her.

Zack: If [Tinga's] smart, she'll tell him to take the kid and go. Otherwise, they're going to wind up sharing a suite back at Manticore.

Max: You're a real family values guys, aren't you?

Tinga: That's a lot of manpower, Max.

Max: Good thing we're a lot of girl power.

Meow (1.20)

Cindy: You're tripping, boo. You got an itch, go scratch. It ain't got to be all complicated either. The male mind understands the difference between love and sex. Sketchy, come here.

Sketchy: Hello, ladies.

Cindy: I want to get busy with you.

Sketchy: Outstanding.

Cindy: But I want you to forget about it as soon as it's over.

Sketchy: Yeah, no problem.

Cindy: Don't be following me around all moo-eyed and "Baby, I love you."

Sketchy: Yeah, whatever you say.

Cindy (to Max): See? No complications.

Sketchy: So when we going to do this?

Cindy: Get away from me, fool, 'fore I put you in a world of hurt!

Logan [in Max’s head]: Can you make out with me while we wait?

Max: What?

Logan: Can you make out anything past the gate?

Logan: You have nothing to be sorry for... or ashamed of. Cause I know who you are. [Logan's leg braces malfunction leaving him on the floor]: Wait, Let me just...Sorry.

Max: Logan... you've got nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. It's never been about you being able to walk, not for me.

And Jesus Brought A Casserole (1.21)

Zack: Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you'll fight them. X5/599. I've got a heart for you.

Logan: (voiceover)Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else, like maybe it was a story I heard. Even though I know it happened, sometimes I can't help feeling that she's not really gone, that she's still out there, and I just hope she's okay.

Max: About last night . . .

Lydecker: Don't remind me. I still feel sick.

Max: Me, too. Got a bad feeling you were going to tell me ... you were my...

Lydecker: Father? I would never presume to pollute the gene pool.

Max: I can't tell you what a relief that is for me. I mean what a cliché that'd be. Huh?

Madame X: He was quite a man, your brother, Zack. He must've loved you very much... to make this sacrifice... But isn't it comforting to know that a part of him lives on in you? And that you've both come home to us? To me?

Max: Is this some kind of new torture thing? Lock people up in a cheap motel and babble at them until they crack?

Lydecker: (putting money on the counter in a motel) You understand my instructions now?

Manager: I've never had anyone take over the whole place before.

Lydecker: (putting more money down) No maid service. No wake-up call. No mints on the pillow.

Manager: No worries. We pride ourselves as much in our discretion as we do in our lack of amenities.

(both look out the window to see a pair of soldiers dragging an unconscious Max from the car)

Lydecker: (putting more money down) My niece...has a drinking problem.

Syl: Look what the cat dragged in.

Max: I guess there is an 'eye' in team.

Logan: Max. Max? Oh, God. Okay, it's okay.

Max: Logan?

Logan: You're going to be okay. This isn't bad.

Max: Logan...

Logan: It's okay. You're going to be all right.

Max: I'm sorry...

Logan: No, no, no, no. No, we're going to get you out of here, okay? It's gonna be all right.

Max: There's something I gotta tell you...I should have said something a long time ago.

Logan: It can wait.

Max: Logan...

Logan: Max? No. Max. Max? Max! No, Max! Max. No...

Krit: (to Max) So you broke into his house? (to Logan) And you liked that.

Logan: Well, she went for the good stuff. I could tell she had taste.

Max: The black cat suit didn't hurt either.

Season 2

Designate This (2.01)

Dr. Elizabeth Renfro/Madame X: Report.

Alec/X5-494: Successful copulation between myself and X5-452, ma'am. [pause] Twice.

Renfro: Excellent, 452. What would your boyfriend say?

Max: Easy, easy, easy. Relax, big fella.

Joshua: You relax, little fella.

Max: Wow, you can talk.

Joshua: Wow?

Joshua: Max? On the outside?

Max: Max outside. That's the plan.

Joshua: Joshua outside. Th-That's the plan.

Alec: I'm gonna be out of here in five minutes and go back to my cell and you'll get rid of me for the night. Okay, 452?

Max: My name's Max.

Alec: Whatever you say.

Max: You should have a name too.

Alec: Well, I told you, my designation's 494.

Max: Doesn't suit you. I'm gonna call you Alec.

Alec: Alec.

Max: As in smart aleck.

Alec: I can live with that.

Max: Good. 'Cause my second choice was Dick.

Normal: It's raining? In Seattle? Stop the presses.

Logan: You shot me!

Lydecker: I told you to duck.

Bag 'Em (2.02)

Max: [shaving] I've been wanting to do this for months.

Original Cindy: I see they don't let you do your nails up at Manticore either.

Max: No respect for the girlie arts, that place. I had to torch it.

Alec: What are you bozos thinking, knocking over a Quickie Mart?

Alec: They're trying to kill us. The signal's bogus. It's a trap.

X6: If I may sir, that doesn't make any sense. We're valuable military assets representing billions of dollars in R&D.

Second X6: Why would Manticore try to get rid of us?

Alec: I want to get rid of you, and I just met you.

Max: All your training goes out the window.

X6s: Yes, ma'am!

Max: Starting with your blind obedience to Manticore and all it represents.

X6s: Yes, ma'am!

Max: Which means you're gonna stop calling me "ma'am" and start calling me Max.

X6s: Yes, ma'am!

Max: Yes, 'Max'. That's my name. And now that you're in the real world, you should have names too.

Alec: oh, for the love of the.

Max: shut up

.

White: Having a little family reunion?

Max: You must be the new bad guy in my life.

White: You know, 452, you're much prettier than in your picture.

Max: Gee, miss the old bad guys already.

Max: What can I say, Norm? Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Alec: Well, when the going gets cute, the tough get going.

Proof of Purchase (2.03)

Homeless man: You two lost?

Alec: We're looking for someone. Maybe you've seen him around.

Homeless man 2: What's he look like?

Max: Um, really tall. Wears an army jacket. Kind of, uh--

Alec: Hairy. Lots of growling, some barking--

Homeless man: [dog barking] Hush, Bongo.

Alec: Like that.

Max: Logan found an ex-Manticore tech thinks he can cure the virus.

Original Cindy: When you gonna let your face in on the good news?

Sketchy: If I was making creatures in a lab, I'd make 'em look just like you.

Asha: Really? That's--that's really sweet.

White: Tell me, 494, have you been in contact with this girl? We know that you were breeding partners back at Manticore.

Alec: It was just a summer fling.

Logan: Don't you people ever knock?

Max: What are you doing here?

Alec: Looking for you. The fact is, I should be with my own kind. Was wondering if you hooked up with any of the others.

Max: You looking to start a support group?

Max [to Alec]: Oh, before I forget, thanks so much for not killing me.

Sam "The Mangler" Miller: What the hell are you?

Monty Cora (AKA Alec): Better.

Radar Love (2.04)

Joshua: Max and Logan, gettin' busy. That's the plan.

Max [to Logan]: I just want things to be the way they were. You know, when we could hold hands without you keeling over on me.

Max [to Rafer]: Next time you wanna cop a feel, hit me harder and make sure I'm out cold.

Normal: Hey, let's go! Bip bip bip! It's called Jam Pony, not Jam Clydesdale.

Original Cindy [to Sketchy]: Were you born dumb, or do you put in work?

Max: If this has something to do with me and my furry little friends, then how come all the victims are Chinese? Manticore's always been real big on equal opportunity.

Joshua: Yeah, you'll see. This virus bitch going down.

Boo (2.05)

Normal: I hate cats. Vile creatures. They're always sleeping and licking themselves.

Original Cindy: What the hell was that?!

Max: Flashback. Happens all the time.

Logan: Bingo!

Max: You found something?

Logan: No, I got bingo.

Rafer's Mom: You are not what you seem!

Max: Guess you busted me on my push-up bra.

Max: Joshua, take the basement.

Joshua: Joshua in basement. Always the plan.

Max: Fine, take the roof. (to Didier) You take the basement. (to Cat) You handle backstage. I'll do the catwalks.

Cat: I think I might be better suited to handle the catwalks.

Max: How about you do what I say and we don't have a problem?

Joshua: (to Didier) Cat fight.

Max: I just came by to catch some coffee.

Logan: Uh, sorry, the market's been out for a week, which is ironic, 'cause, you know, Seattle was the coffee capital of north America back in the day.

(playing charades)

Cat: Breakfast at Tiffany's!

Joshua: Pretty Woman!...Little Women!...Yeah! I read that. Beth dies.

Cat: Oh...

...

Cat: Tokyo Decadence!

Joshua: Idle hands!

Asha: Born Free! Born Free!

Rafer: No.

Cat: Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Two (2.06)

Alec: It's just 'cause she's hot, you know.

Logan: What is?

Alec: Everything. Everything she gets away with. You honestly think we'd be down here in this moldy dump looking for God-knows-what if she were ugly?

Logan: We're down here to give Max a hand.

Alec [laughing]: You're so whipped.

Max: Read my lips, pretty boy. Get a life, get a job, and stop sticking your nose into mine. Don't make me kick your ass!

Alec: You know, this whole tough-chick act thing is really unbecoming. "I'm gonna bounce you on your ass. I'm gonna smack your bitch head." It's so unfeminine.

Eddie [getting in Alec’s face]: What's a poofter like you need with five hundred bucks, anyway, eh?

Alec [in a British accent]: Actually, I need it for a ride on your mum.

Some Assembly Required (2.07)

Original Cindy: Steelheads? Sketchy!

Sketchy: You bellowed, your Originalness?

Original Cindy: Tell Max what you told me about those guys that kicked your butt.

Sketchy: It's been a pretty violent month for the Sketchmeister. Could you be a tad more specific?

Max: Guess we're just gonna have to get their attention, then.

Alec: Please tell me you're gonna get naked.

Bird: Yeah. And she took off with our boy. I saw.

Eddie: I want him back. He cost me a pretty penny, and... I--I miss him, I do.

Sketchy: What, are you kidding? Back when he was a Jam Pony hump, this generous man showed me some tight shortcuts through downtown. Helped me shave hours off my workday.

Max: Giving you extra time to nap and get high.

Sketchy: Precisely.

Zack: I always liked Sketchy... I think.

Gill Girl (2.08)

Logan: Oh, Max. Thank God.

Max: Are you okay? What happened?

Logan: Eyes Only met his match.

Brittany: Uncle Logan.

Max: Hi. What's your name?

Brittany: Go away.

Max: Nice name. I'm Max.

Logan: Brittany, say hi.

Brittany: No.

Max: Can we concentrate on coming up with a plan?

Alec: I'm thinking.

Max: You're talking.

Alec: I can do both.

Max: I doubt that.

Alec: Well, you just lost your tip.

Logan: Look, it's one thing for Manticore to give you a retrovirus tailor-made to kill me, but I seriously doubt that they factored a six-year-old into their evil plan.

Original Cindy: Chicken pox? Thought that went out with Starbucks and Madonna.

Max: Can't you see I'm getting ready for a bath?

Alec: Funny, women and water. Seems to be the theme of my evening.

Medium is the Message (2.09)

Logan [Talking on phone with a doctor]: I read about the work you've been doing and I thought you might be able to help... a virus... genetically targeted to a specific gene sequence... it's mine actually... because someone wanted me dead?...Doctor please don't hang up I am NOT a nut and I'm willing to pay you a lot of money... HELLO?!

Max: Maybe when father was mixing you together he put some Picasso in your DNA.

Joshua: Picasso in my cocktail.

Alec: Scored a sweet deal on some ham-hocks, my buyer fell through on me, you want em?

Joshua: I... uh don't have any money.

Alec: Aw, that's alright, take it as an 'I'm sorry for trying to kill you' that one time

Wendy White: Truth is, he [White] doesn’t care much for Eyes Only. Thinks what you people do is... subversive.

Alec: Look, Josh, you’re a great artist, apparently. But you’re also, to be frank, a dog-boy.

Rita: An artist burns bright for an instant, and then extinguishes like a scrape of phosphorus.

Alec: Well, call it his Blue Period. It’ll be worth a fortune.

Alec: You know, but just, uh, tell her you lost the papers. Tell her, uh, I don’t know, tell her your dog ate ‘em. Tell her you ate ‘em.

Rita: Yeah. Um, I told your representative you could have the painting back if you’d just ask for it in person.

Joshua: Here I am, in person. Give it back!

White: Pain is a phantom of the mind.

Brainiac (2.10)

Asha: I'm off to the frozen north. I don't know who to trust. I'm not happy about this, Logan.

Logan: Well, I'm not happy about it, either.

Alec: Well, if she's not happy, and you're not happy, then I'm not happy. Max, are you happy?

Logan: Shut up!

Max: Watch the hands.

Brain: I'm just tryin' to hang on here.

Max: Hang on a little lower. [pause] Not that low.

Alec: (to Logan about Asha and Max) What in the world do they see in you?

The Berrisford Agenda (2.11)

Original Cindy: He told Marina that he loved her. And the next week he was catting around with Little Suki on the side.

Alec: I never said I loved her. That is a cheap ploy and I don't go there. I said that she was a unique creature unlike any other.

Sketchy: "A unique creature unlike any other." Man, I'm totally stealing it.

Alec: Oh, it works like a charm. I mean, you can literally watch them melt.

Max: Please, you're making me sick.

Max: I can't believe how late we are. Can't this thing go any faster?

Logan: Hey! Cut Bessie a little slack. Considering the number of times she's been shot up and put back together, I'm lucky she even runs at all.

Logan: Ah, the latest adventures of Alec, the lovable X5 rogue. I can hardly wait.

Logan: Well, I am looking forward to spending some time with Joshua.

Max: Yeah. You know, I think you two will get along. Just, you know, remember to act natural.

Logan: As opposed to the unnatural way I normally act?

Max: No. You know what I mean. Just don't stare.

Logan: Oh, okay. Don't stare at the genetically engineered part-man part-dog guy. Got it.

Joshua: Oh, having macaroni and cheese and little -- little hot dogs.

Logan: [laughs] Dogs. Sounds good.

Alec: Max, can you pass the ketchup, please?

Max: You mean this unique ketchup unlike any other?

Original Cindy: Men, dogs -- no difference.

Max: You know, we don't always get along.

Alec: Nicely understated. Barkeep!

Max: But if you're in some kind of trouble and you need my help, then you should ask now and not wait till it's too late and everything's all messed up like you usually do.

Alec: I don't want your pity. I want your absence.

Max: He doesn't want me looking out for him. He wants to be left alone. Pretend like it never happened. He's so cut off.

Logan: Sounds like this girl I used to know. She was just looking out for herself. No responsibilities. No entanglements.

Alec: I'm always alright.

Normal: The gentler sex sure can pack a wallop when she has a mind to.

Alec [to Max]: You can't understand; you weren't there. You ran. You and your little rugrat brothers and sisters. You think life was rough when we were ten? A little schooling, a little brainwashing, some maneuvers outside? You think that was tough? Take it from me. Later on, it got a whole lot worse. But you did what you had to do. Then you tried to forget. And when you couldn't forget, they had ways of making you not care.

Borrowed Time (2.12)

Max: Can my life suck any harder?

Alec: I mean, why consummate two years of unbridled passion when we can have pasta?

Max: Got word from this fence I know. There's a collector willing to pay top dollar for Star Wars: Episode VII. After the Pulse, they shut down production. Apparently this is the only footage that exists.

Alec: Is that the one where Captain Kirk dies?

Max: I just want to know I'm not gonna kill the guy if, say, I touch his hand by accident.

Original Cindy: Or if, say, you spend a long weekend making hot monkey love to the man... by accident.

Alec: Have they ever even once said "I love you"? No. No, Max, Max would choke on the words. Logan, eh, he'd say it...in an email. (imitating Max) "Oh, he's not my boyfriend, we were never even like that, it was never the right time..." No, Logan is a repressed WASP and Max is...a broken toy. The two of them will never work out together.

Joshua: Stop getting busy, please.

Logan: I keep thinking about the night we took down Manticore. When I thought I'd lost you. I came home and I sat on my sofa and I didn't get up again for days. The sun came up. The sun went down. I just sat there. It was like I couldn't move. It hurt too much to move. That's how I feel right now.

Max: I knew this would happen. We shouldn't have taken the chance.

Logan: We had to. You know we did. We can't keep going through this though.

Max: I know.

Logan: That year we wasted. Dancing around each other. Afraid of actually admitting how we felt. If I had that time back, I would do things so differently. (Max's little timer goes off) Well, I guess that's it. (They sit there for a second, then he leans over and kisses her, then gets out of the car.) I love you, Max. (walks away)

Max: I love you too.

Harbor Lights (2.13)

Max: Let me guess. You’re one of White’s breeding-cult psychos. You’d think after ten generations of selective reproduction, you wouldn’t have such a fat ass.

Original Cindy [to Logan]: I know you saved my girl and all, but couldn’t you have brought her back in better condition than this?

Max: Nice haircut.

Logan: Nice gunshot wound.

Max: If I knew this is all it took to get a visit from Logan Cale, I would’ve gotten my ass shot up a while ago.

Otto: So what do we do now?

White: Now? Well, now we, uh, go home. We pray really, really hard that she doesn’t expose the massive government conspiracy that we’ve been assigned to cover up.

Otto: Oh, sarcasm. Very good, sir.

Love in Vein (2.14)

Alec [to Joshua]: A chance for you to get out there, see the world. I thought your kind liked to take walks.

Janis: Great. We got some buffalo wings coming.

Joshua: Buffalo wings?

Janis: Chicken wings.

Joshua: Ah, chicken with buffalo in his cocktail.

Logan: But he believed it. They all did... except for Max, and eleven of her brothers and sisters. They wanted out so much they escaped, and they've spent the last eleven years defending their freedom with their lives. That barcode on the back of their necks? That was put there to keep track of them, like a brand. So when she sees someone like you, eager to be a slave, wearing it... it kills her inside.

Joshua: I thought they would understand. So I took off my helmet, and they didn't understand, Max. They were just like, "Ahhh! Ohh! Oh my God, dude, look at him! He's got a dog face! He's got a dog face! I'm trippin'! Are you trippin'? I'm trippin'!" "Sorry! Sorry!" "I'm trippin'! Oh my God!"

Fuhgeddaboudit (2.15)

Logan: Fuhgeddaboudit.

Logan: I mean, it was the scoop of a lifetime, Max. He was going to give me the capo di tutti capi.

Max: The capo tutti whattie?

Logan: Now he won't even talk to my source. Says he's a stand-up guy and he's no stoolie. I don't buy it. Little mook just needs convincing.

Max: Somebody's spent too much time listening to surveillance tapes.

Max: I've said too much.

Mia: Oh, don't worry. You won't remember.

Max: Remember what?

Mia: Remember to powder your nose.

Mia: That is so exciting. But, Max, you have to be careful. Those guys are dangerous.

Max: Oh, it's cool. I'm genetically engineered. I can totally kick their asses.

Mia: Logan, I think there's something Alec wants to say to you.

Alec: Yeah, Logan. I just wanted to say that I understand why Max admires you so much. Sometimes I wish I had more of a purpose in life.

Mia: Logan, is there something you want to say to Alec?

Logan: Well, it's just that sometimes I wish I was more of a free spirit and it must be nice to be a happy-go-lucky sociopath. I kind of envy you.

Mia: Oh! Group hug! [they hug]

Max: What the hell is going on over there?

Normal: Do my ears deceive me? Monty Cora rides again?

Alec: I'm back, baby.

Normal: Oh! Oh! Lovely! Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear this? This right here -- magnificence. Shirtless muscle rippling, sweat flying off him like a thousand points of light.

Alec: He's one of my bigger fans.

Normal: You're my hero. I live to serve you. I had this dream about you the other night. You were this Roman gladiator and you slew barbarians and Medusa-like women and I was your tiny little valet. I wiped your sword clean after every sweet victory. I rubbed your tired, beautiful golden muscles--

Alec: Hot run! Fourth and Main.

Logan: You're about to get dead, Dougie. You were on thin ice with the boss already, and that's before you lost him a lot of money. You go with them, you're gonna end your night in cement shoes.

Second Gangster: "Cement shoes"? Who talks like that?

Mia: Ouch. What happened to your eye?

Max: Craziest thing. Woke up this morning and it was just there. No idea how it happened.

Mia: Seems to me like you slipped in the shower and banged yourself on the shampoo caddy. Must've hurt like the dickens.

Max: That's so weird.

Mia: What?

Max: That's exactly what happened. Slipped in the shower, banged my head on the shampoo caddy. Hurt like the dickens.

Alec: My turn now bitch.

Max: What'd you just call me?

Alec: You heard me, B, I, T, C...

Max: Oh, look at that. The ring girl just lost her top.

Alec: Yeah... [he turns to look anyway and Max kicks him in the 'crown jewels', she gently pushes his head and he falls to the ground]

Max: Ooops. [Guy in charge comes into the ring an announces that Max is the new champ]

Max: How'd you know I'd win?

Mia: 'Cause girls kick ass. That's what the T-shirt says, right?

Max: Can I get a drink?

Logan: You okay?

Max: Yeah, except I think Mia put the whammy on me again because I have no idea what we just talked about.

Exposure (2.16)

Alec [to Max]: What are the chances he stumbles across an actual Manticore alum that's stupid enough to let him snap a shot?

Sketchy: Hey, guys. [Snaps a picture of them on his way out]

Max [to Alec]: You were saying?

Max: What are you doing with Ray?

Priestess: What is necessary.

Max: Could you be a little more specific? 'Cause I left my copy of Wacky Cult Rituals for Dummies at home.

Otto: We're looking for one of your messengers. Male, early twenties, long hair, ratty clothes.

Normal: Uh, tragically, sir, you've just described every young man in my employ.

Boy: Want me to put you down?

Max: Depends. If you hold me up here long enough, will your head explode?

Hello, Goodbye (2.17)

Logan: I wandered all over the hospital looking for you with the back of my gown open.

Max: Love sucks.

Dawg Day Afternoon (2.18)

Joshua: Hey little fella.

Max: Hey big fella.

Alec: I guess that makes me medium fella.

White [re: a beluga whale]: A hundred thousand years ago, some humpback violates a dolphin, and this is what we get. Makes a pretty good argument for selective breeding, huh?

Logan: I just want you to know... however things may be between us, I always got your back.

Max: I know. Me too.

White: This is so FUBAR it's almost funny

Normal: You idiot oh I..I don't know him he's just an idiot

She Ain't Heavy (2.19)

Max: I thought I was the bitch. But you take the prize.

White: You really think you could hide from me, 452?

Sam/X-453: Oh, God.

White: What, no witty rejoinders today?

Max: One of these days, White and his men are going to bust through that door, and you're liable to get caught in the crossfire.

Original Cindy: I'll kick their asses.

Sam/X-453: It's been ten years since the first time you ruined my life. I'll be damned if I let that happen again.

Sam/X-453: It's no use. I've got ten years of training on you.

Max: Yeah, well, they didn't teach you to fight dirty.

Max: The point is, I'm gonna trade your sorry ass for her husband and kid.

White: I don't think so.

Max [holding up a crowbar]: No? Well, then, I guess we get to find out how high your pain threshold really is.

Max: I appreciate this.

Alec: Yeah, no worries. Anything for a friend, or a clone of a friend.

Love Among the Runes (2.20)

Max: What is it with these snakes? It's like Ames White and his Familiars are following me around.

Alec: "Ames White and his Familiars." Kinda sounds like a rock band, you know?

Logan: Huh.

Max: "Huh" as in, "Strange, but I know exactly what it is, huh," or "Huh, what the hell is going on?"

Max: I drank a bottle of something that said "Tattoos From Within." Was that wrong?

White: Now, before I kill you and end this little story, I have to ask you about my son. Is he alive?

Max: No. Yeah. Well, what was the question?

Freak Nation (2.21)

Max: Two million years of human evolution and this is what we get. You morons.

Logan: "Now look what you've done."

Max: "Today, I'm proud to be a freak."

Mole: Hey, Max. How'd it go?

Max: Ever notice how drug dealers have no sense of humor when it comes to money?

Mole: I'll say one thing for ordinaries--they know when to run.

Joshua: Maybe we should run, too.

Mole: We don't run, we fall back.

Normal: My golden boy's a mutant.

Alec: We prefer "genetically empowered."

Normal: Take me, Jesus.

Mole: Careful what you wish for.

Max: What's that?

Alec: It's a hole in my body made by a bullet.

Max: Been there, done that.

Joshua: He deserves to die! He killed Annie!

Max: No. He deserves to die, a lot. But if you kill him now, the only thing people will remember about today is how some transgenic killed a human being in cold blood...and then they'll never stop hunting us.

Max: Bring around your muscle queens anytime. I'll be happy to kick their ass.

White: We are not finished.

Max: Fe'nos tol, bitch.

Reporter: Tell us about your captors. What are these creatures like? Is it true you delivered a transgenic baby?

Normal: Yes, I did indeed. And a beautiful, bouncing baby girl she is.

Reporter: So you're saying they're not all monsters, then?

Normal: Monsters? No. No more than you and me.

Max: Where are we gonna go? I can't stop anyone from leaving, but I'm through running and hiding and being afraid. I'm not gonna live my life like that anymore. Aren't you tired of living in darkness? Don't you want to feel the sun on your face? To have a place of your own where you can walk down the street without being afraid? They made us, and they trained us to be soldiers, to defend this country. It's time for them to face us and take responsibility, instead of trying to sweep us away like garbage. We were made in America and we're not going anywhere. So they call us freaks; who cares? Today I'm proud to be a freak. And today we're gonna make a stand, right here. Who's with me?

Opening Credits (Season 2)

They designed her to be the perfect soldier... a human weapon... then she escaped.

In a future not far from now... in a broken world... she is haunted by her past.

She cannot run, she must fight... to discover her destiny.

Catchphrase

Eyes Only: This is a streaming freedom video bulletin. The cable hack will last exactly 60 seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped and it is the only free voice left in the city. [...] Peace. Out.

Normal: Bip bip bip!

Normal: Oh, for the love of Mike.

Normal: Where the firetruck is Max?!

About Dark Angel

They had us on a schedule and decided to put on a different show which promptly tanked. We're sensitive to where they put us on in the week [Friday nights]. If they put us back where we were [Tuesdays], we would have been fine. Creatively, though, we had a great third season mapped out, but we won't see it now.
- James Cameron Cinescape (March 2003)

Once we all got in a room in June we just started talking about ‘Who is Max? What would happen in her world?’ I had this notion that Max would go into heat and that became Heat. We had this idea about Max not getting her medicine and ending up in jail, and that became Flushed. C.R.E.A.M. came about because we thought, ‘If we really are positing this relationship between Max and Logan, who is Logan? What makes him tick? Wouldn’t it be cool for Max to get a look at his world?’ That’s really how things unfold.
- Charles Eglee Starburst #269

Wikipedia

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Dark Angel (TV Series)