Chuck (TV series)

Chuck (2007–2012) is an American television series, airing on NBC, about an average computer-whiz-next-door who receives an encoded e-mail from an old friend, a rogue CIA agent, which embeds the world's greatest spy secrets in his brain.

Season 1

Chuck Versus the Intersect [1.01]

Chuck: [after the super secret computer was downloaded into his head] Did you spike the punch?

Morgan: Something goes wrong, you blame me. After all these years, where's the trust? [pause] Yes, I did.

Morgan: Stop the presses! Who is that!? Vicky Vale!

Chuck: Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Vale, Vickity Vickity, Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Va...

[sees Sarah; drops the phone]

Sarah: I hope I'm not interrupting.

Chuck: Uh no, not at all. That's from-it's from Batman.

Sarah: [smiles] Because that makes it better?

Morgan: Ahh, Hi. Hey, I'm Morgan. And this is, uh, this is Chuck.

Sarah: Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck. Or, uh, Morgan, for that matter.

Chuck: My parents were sadists, and carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.

Morgan: But they raised me as one of their own.

Sarah: That's funny.

Chuck: Well, I'm a funny guy.

Sarah: Clearly! Which is good, because I am not funny.

Chuck: Is that your big secret, by the way? 'Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you...

Sarah: Oh, plenty...believe me.

Chuck: I was thinking "either she's a cannibal, or she's really not that funny," and I was pulling for cannibal 'cause I'd never met one before...

Sarah: Uh, not a cannibal, but I did just come out of a long relationship, so I may come with baggage.

Chuck: Well, I could be your very own...baggage handler.

Sarah: Come any closer and I shoot!

Casey: ...You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.

Sarah: Chuck, those pictures that you saw were encoded with secrets, government secrets. If you saw them, then you know them.

Chuck: There were thousands of them.

Casey: Wait a minute. You're telling me all of our secrets are in his head?

Sarah: Chuck is the computer.

Chuck Versus the Helicopter [1.02]

General Beckman: Our most valuable secrets have been sent to an idiot.

Director Graham: At least they weren't sent to his friend.

Chuck: [about Sarah meeting his family for the first time] Meeting the family's kind of a big step, if our relationship were remotely real.

Ellie: How did you get in here?

Morgan: Chuck's window or, as I like to call it, the "Morgan Door."

Ellie: I'm gonna go close the window.

Casey: This is how this is gonna work. I'm gonna go over there, rescue Sarah, capture Dr. Zarnow, shoot anybody who gets in my way. You, you're gonna stay here.

Chuck: So in this plan I basically do nothing?

Casey: Yup.

Chuck: [dramatically] ...Let's do this.

Chuck: [to Sarah] Look, I'm not accusing you of anything...today. Yesterday yes, I may have laid it on a little thick with the accusing. But I'm really sorry about that. Instead of not trusting you I should have been thanking you for saving my life and protecting the country and for making really tasty gourmet wieners.

Chuck Versus the Tango [1.03]

Chuck: I've got some bad news. Big Mike wants us to fix all of this junk in two days or he's going to give the assistant store manager position to Tang. I'm sorry guys. And Anna.

Anna: "Guys" is fine; I don't mind.

Chuck: No, it's not right. We need to come up with something non-gender specific. How do we feel about "team"?

Anna: Fellow Nerd Herders?

Lester: The Lesters?

Jeff: Chuck's Stable of Hoes?

Chuck: [regarding the pictures of dead people] Why are these people sleeping?

Casey: They're not sleeping.

Sarah: They were killed, Chuck, and we wanna know why.

Chuck: [putting the pictures down] I have no idea.

Casey: Well, look again.

Chuck: I would rather not. It's kind of creepy.

Chuck: My life took a little detour senior year when our old friend Bryce Larkin discovered stolen tests under my bed and was kind enough to alert administration.

Sarah: Did you steal the tests?

Chuck: I thought it was kind of implied that I'm a decent person!

Sarah: Well, we all make mistakes.

Chuck: And I've made plenty; that just wasn't one of them. But, hey, then Bryce sent me a whole database of government secrets that are now locked in my brain, keeping me in a constant state of fear, danger, and anxiety, sooo...I'd say we're even.

Morgan: Because tonight Chuck Bartowski is boldly going where none of us have gone before...To have intercourse with a beautiful woman.

Anna: Speak for yourself.

[Everyone stares at Anna]

La Ciudad: I think your hand is supposed to be on my hip.

Chuck: Right. Apparently I learned the girls' part of this dance. Would you mind leading?

Chuck Versus the Wookiee [1.04]

Morgan: Chuck, I know what a third wheel is. I know it's me. Give, give me a chance here, man. Let, let me be a fourth wheel. For once. Or maybe I can be any other even number.

Carina: Now, see that man over there? Payman Alahi, his house, his party, his diamond...for now.

Chuck: Are we-are you talking about Señor Wookiee over there?

Chuck: I count six SVB54 explosion protected security cameras with infrared surveillance.

Sarah: Did you have a flash?

Chuck: No, they sell them at the Spy Shop in the Buy More plaza.

Chuck: How am I supposed to know that Carina has a remote control jet ski? It's usually not an option in real life.

Chuck Versus the Sizzling Shrimp [1.05]

Sarah: Stay in the car.

Chuck: My four favorite words.

Morgan: I'll let myself out.

Ellie: ...My four favorite words.

Chuck: So listen, I've been thinking a lot about last night. And you know, you guys were talking about how this spy could be...valuable to us. So I was thinking what if we could convince her to, I don't know, like give up...some secret stuff or...

Sarah: You mean defect?

Chuck: Defect, yes! People do that kind of thing all the time, right? The Hunt for Red October...uh...White Nights. [after Casey stares blankly at him] White Nights? Gregory Hines...Baryshnikov...dancing their way to freedom?

Casey: [sarcastically] Well, as long as you've done serious research on the subject. You get her to defect, I'll help rescuing her brother personally.

Sarah: Why are you bringing this up?

Chuck: Well, she sorta, uh, just...called me.

Casey: She called you? Where?

Chuck: At the Buy More. And I think she might been in the store too, because she knew my every move. She even knew that I had mustard on my tie.

Mei-Ling Cho: [preparing to rescue Mei-Ling's brother] Good, every warm body helps.

Chuck: I'm sorry, wha-me? No, no, no, no. Look as much as I wish that I could help you, I can't. I made plans with my sister. They are non-negotiable.

[everyone looks at him]

Chuck: But of course, I know that you wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me. I want to be with my sister and you obviously really want to be with your brother. We're like one big wacky transatlantic family.

[pause]

Chuck: I owe you. I'm in.

Sarah: Okay fine, but you don't leave the van under any circumstances.

Chuck: I just need to be home by eight. If that's at all possible.

Ellie: There's no need. I figured it out. I know.

Chuck: You do?

Ellie: You haven't had a girlfriend for a long time and you're in love.

Chuck: Yeah. I am?

Ellie: But lying to me? Missing our most important day like...like you're in high school? I mean do you even know that Morgan's about to be fired?

Chuck: Ellie, I can't apologize enough. I...everything that you're saying is right. I guess that I'm just so, um, I'm so head over heals that I'm not thinking straight, you know?

Ellie: Listen, I know that this is the first big thing to happen to you in while. And you feel like your life's not going anywhere, your job's not either, and you're not Superman out there saving the day. But you're a good person and you're a good brother and you're a good friend. Don't lose that.

Chuck Versus the Sandworm [1.06]

Casey: You! What do I have to do to get timely intel out of you, Bartowski?

Chuck: Look, I briefed Sarah last night, alright?

Casey: [sarcastically] Oh, I bet you did, slugger.

Chuck: I thought we're all suppose to be part of the same team here, huh, Team Chuck?

Casey: We are, but I'm starting to feel like the guy that always gets picked last, and I don't like feeling like Team Chuck's little fat kid!

Morgan: What happened, Chuck? You used to be cool.

Chuck: I used to be cool? When, when was that? When we were 13? Well, I hate to go changing on you, buddy, but if you hadn't noticed we are now, chronologically speaking, adults. So, unless you want to work retail for the rest of your life and, by the way, drag me down with you in the process, I would suggest that you grow up!

Laszlo: [pointing a gun at Chuck] I was framed! Okay? You have to believe me, I am not murderer!

Chuck: Okay! Okay! I believe you! But FYI, you're kinda acting like a murderer.

Awesome: There comes a time in every man's life when he reaches, well, a crossroads. A time when he must ask himself, "Am I a tucker?"

Chuck: Something came up.

Big Mike: Is that something more important than being assistant manager? Is it more important than handing over your promotion to Tang? [He becomes distraught] Please, Chuck, is it more important than Big Mike's relaxation?!?

Chuck: Look, Big Mike, there are just some things in life that are just more important than the Buy More.

Big Mike: You mean like fishin' and danish?

Chuck Versus the Alma Mater [1.07]

Morgan: Chuck, we have an emergency. We need to talk.

Chuck: I'm on the phone.

Morgan: Shh, not here, not here; there are spies at the Buy More.

Chuck: [hangs up the phone] Spies, really?

Morgan: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tang's minions, they're everywhere! He's like the dark Lord Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Only instead of the ring of power he's taken over control of the assistant manager-ship.

Chuck: Yeah, from me, right thanks for the reminder.

Morgan: You got it, man. Listen we need your help, Chuck.

Chuck: Me, what am I suppose to do? I'm just...

Morgan: One small hobbit? So thought Frodo Baggins, my friend; so thought Frodo Baggins!

Chuck: I'm sorry, but was Harry wearing the new assistant manager polo shirt?

Morgan: It's monogrammed.

Chuck: He must be stopped.

Sarah: It says here the crossbow is his weapon of choice.

Chuck: Oh, what, slingshot's too ineffective?

Chuck: No more Wednesday/Friday surf and turf?

Morgan: Harry Tang is drunk with power!

Anna: He could have an accident.

[everyone looks at her]

Anna: I'm just sayin', I know a guy, very reasonable...His rates, I mean, not him.

Morgan: Way to think outside of the box, Anna, me likey! What do you say Chuck?

Chuck: Are you two crazy? What? No! I'm not gonna have a guy rubbed out just because he upsets our lunch routine!

. . .

Chuck: You didn't offer to kill Harry for Anna did you?

Casey: No. Why, you want me to kill him?

Chuck: No! No, just curious...

Casey: You sure it was Magnus you saw?

Chuck: Gee, I don't know, Casey, how many psycho archers do you know?

Chuck Versus the Truth [1.08]

Sarah: Chuck's not wrong very often.

Casey: But he's annoying all the time.

[Ellie barges into Chuck's bedroom, influenced by truth serum]

Ellie: I have known him since the day he was born (obviously)!

[she sits on the bed between Chuck and Sarah]

Ellie: When people asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would always say the same thing..."big boy." How cute is that?

Chuck: Ellie, you're killin' me here.

Ellie: And now he is a big boy. And I can tell that he is, because he is with a big...[looks at Sarah's chest] BIG girl.

Awesome: Sorry, guys. Don't mean to muck up your mojo. [to Chuck] I tried to stop her.

Chuck: Is she drunk?

[Awesome shrugs, bewildered]

Ellie: Chuck, you need a haircut. It's starting to make funny animal shapes.

Awesome: Let's go, babe; these two need their privacy. Huh?

Ellie: When you were seven, I told you that the burglar stole the money from your piggy bank? That was a lie, it was me. At the time I felt it was very important to have a New Kids fanny pack.

Sarah: Ellie, are you okay? Have you done anything out of the ordinary?

Ellie: ...Words taste like peaches.

Sarah: [about the antidote] Here!

Chuck: No, no it's for Ellie.

Sarah: No, I'm sorry, Chuck, there's no debate. It has to be you. You're the Intersect.

Chuck: I won't take it knowing that Ellie will die without it; that both of you have been poisoned too!

Casey: You're a good person, Chuck, and I respect that, but I have a job to do, so take it before I shove it down your throat!

Chuck: Okay, okay. Fine, fine I'll do it.

Sarah: Thank you.

Chuck I'll pretend to agree to take it and then I'll run like hell to my sister's room, and make her take it. Why did I just say that out loud?

Sarah: It's the poison. It makes you tell the truth!

Casey: You do that, I'll give chase, put a gun to your head, threaten to pull the trigger if you don't take it!

Chuck: Would you really shoot me?

Casey: No.

Chuck: Yeah, don't waste a bullet, we're already dead!

Chuck: You know, if I had a blog, this would be a really big day for me. Do my laundry. Check. Save my sister's life. Check. Save my own life. Final entry.

Sarah: I am so sorry about all of this.

Chuck: That's okay, it's okay. It's not ideal but I've lived a pretty good life. I mean, how many guys can say they landed a helicopter and saved the lives of innocent people?

Casey: Courageous and honorable members of the United States military.

Chuck: [to Sarah, under the influence of a truth serum] God you're so pretty! And Casey, your jaw was chiseled by Michelangelo himself.

Casey: Thank you.

Chuck Versus the Imported Hard Salami [1.09]

Sarah: Look Chuck, I been thinking about our breakup and I’m not sure it’s the best idea.

Chuck: Miss me already, huh?

Sarah: Well, you know, for the cover. It makes things easier.

Chuck: Well I guess your job just got a little bit harder.

Sarah: Look, I’m sorry you thought there was something between us. It’s very common in these situations to perceive a connection that isn’t there.

Chuck: Of course I get it. It’s the old story, you know, guy gets supercomputer in his brain, beautiful CIA agent is sent to protect him and then she tells him while under the spell of a truth serum she’s not interested. I get it. But for me the emotional roller coaster is a little much so I think I would rather find something a little less common, like say I don’t know, a real relationship.

Sarah: Okay, Chuck if that's what you want then I’m going to have to sell it. [Sarah starts crying]

Chuck: You okay? [Sarah leaves and is spotted by Jeff and Lester]

Jeff: Heart breaker.

Lester: Dream maker.

Jeff: Love taker.

Lester: Don't you mess around with Chuck.

Beckman: I don't like the idea of this breakup at all. What the hell happened?

Casey: She got dumped.

Sarah: We decided that it would be best for Chuck to date a civilian. It will help secure his cover in the event that someone IDs me.

Casey: Yeah, because she got dumped.

Chuck: Is it me or does our government never want me to have sex again?

Chuck: Morning handsome, nice work last night.

Casey: Hey Loverboy! Hasn't that mirror suffered enough already?

Chuck: I am in the bathroom! Okay? Is there nothing sacred to you people?

Casey: Just the right to bear arms.

[Chuck and Sarah try to defuse the bomb]

Chuck: Okay. Okay, Intersect: flash! Show me how to do this.

Sarah: Did you flash?

Chuck: No, nothing. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon baby, don't fail me now, c'mon.

Sarah: Okay Chuck, that's enough. Run; I'm gonna try and stay and defuse it.

Chuck: No, I'm not leaving you here.

Sarah: Go, that is an order.

Chuck: [Indignant] No.

[Sarah draws her pistol and aims it at Chuck]

Sarah: I said go!

Chuck: Oh, I see, so you're gonna shoot me to prevent me from being blown up; that's a great plan.

Sarah: Why are you so stubborn?

Chuck: Actually, I consider this a rare moment of courage. I don't know where it's coming from. I guess you just bring out the worst in me.

Sarah: And you in me.

Chuck: It was nice knowing ya.

[Sarah looks up at him desperately when the timer ticks below five seconds and impulsively kisses him. They both stop as they realize that the bomb had failed to detonate]

Sarah: [out of breath] Well, the good news is we're alive...and the bad news is that this is kind of an uncomfortable moment right now.

Chuck: This is completely comfortable on my end...just saying.

Chuck Versus the Nemesis [1.10]

Casey: [Bryce is using Chuck at a shield] I've got a shot.

Chuck: No, you don't!

Casey: You'll be fine.

Chuck: No shooting, no shooting! I'm susceptible to bullets!

Bryce: Hello, Chuck.

Chuck: Sarah and Casey are right inside; one girlish scream from me and they go into combat mode!

Awesome: So, Thanksgiving. We're all supposed to say what we're thankful for. I'm thankful for the most beautiful woman in the world, Ellie Bartowski.

Morgan: Good call.

Anna: Morgan.

Morgan: Aww, right.

Ellie: That's sweet, honey. I am thankful for my family and my friends.

Casey: I pass.

Awesome: Chuck.

Chuck: I'm thankful that Bryce Larkin is dead. And is not currently in my bedroom making out with my new girlfriend.

Casey: [gets the hint and leaves the table] Excuse me, please.

Morgan: Wow, buddy, that was, um, really dark.

Awesome: And specific.

Sarah: [to Bryce] Why Chuck?

Chuck: Yeah! Why Chuck?

Casey: Well, should I pop some popcorn or beat the answer out of you?

Bryce: No thanks, I'll talk.

Casey: Darn.

Chuck Versus the Crown Vic [1.11]

Casey: Decided to take up bird watching?

Chuck: Just breathing in the view.

Casey: Hmm.

Chuck: I know that grunt. Yeah, that's the number 7, right? Skeptical with a side of cynicism.

Casey: Just clearing my throat. Just couldn't help but notice Agent Walker's car isn't in her usual spot.

Chuck: Oh, I didn't, uh...It's weird. I didn't notice, I didn't see that at all. Fine maybe I did. So? Have you talked to Sarah lately?

Casey: Agent Walker and I don't do a lot of fraternizing off hours. Guess we'll just have to see.

Chuck: See...See What? Why? See what?

Casey: See if she's had enough of the good life with you. See if she's hightailed it to wherever your buddy Bryce is hiding himself.

Chuck: Is that, uh, is that an option?

Casey: Oh, Don't worry. I hear there's a great selection of new handlers in this year's CIA Christmas catalog.

Chuck: Are there? Thanks a lot.

Morgan: A relationship is built on trust, Chuck. Sex and trust. Am I right?

Chuck: Yeah, yeah, two big prerequisites I guess.

Anna's Father: So, Morgan, you work at Buy More.

Morgan: Yes sir, that's correct. And Anna will tell you that I got the old nose to the grind stone. Not literally, of course, because that would hurt.

Anna's Father: And is that where you see yourself in, say, five years?

Morgan: That's a tough question. I can tell you where I don't want to see myself in five years. Prison. Or under house arrest. Doing anything that involves a lot of chopping. Deep knee bends. No nudity.

Casey: Bang up job, Walker. Now I'm gonna give you one last chance to come clean. Did you or did you not compromise yourself and the Intersect?

Sarah: Do you ever just want to have a normal life? Have a family? Children?

Casey: The choice we made to protect something bigger than ourselves is the right choice. Hard as that is for you to remember sometimes.

Casey: Chuck! Sarah!

Sarah: Casey, What are you doing here?

Casey: Someone needs to protect the Intersect.

Chuck: Very thoughtful. Thank you very much, I guess.

Casey: Plus, I didn't want to miss any gun play. Come on.

Chuck Versus the Undercover Lover [1.12]

Casey: Why's it so important to you Chuck? Why the hell do you care so much about me and Ilsa?

Chuck: I don't...I don’t know man, OK, I juse-I think it'd be nice to know that you had a life before...this. I just figure that if a guy like you can find love, no offense, Casey, then maybe there's hope for me too, maybe this spy business isn't as screwed up as I think it is.

Casey: Hmmm.

Chuck: Hmmm? That's, that's okay, you know what? If you want to go through life all emotionally constipated and alone then suit yourself. I'll let you go back to protecting the greater good you freaking robot!

Casey: I met her in a flower market. In Rome. Ilsa was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Chuck: I knew it. IT'S ALIVE!

Ilsa: My agency's tried everything to take him to trial, but his organization's air tight. Totally legit from the outside. The only way we could take him down was...

Casey: By screwing it out of him? How, um...French.

Sarah: Ellie are you sure you're okay?

Ellie: It's just that, I have both feet in and Devon has only one foot in. So then, it's just me taking care of three feet and I want it to be us, you know, taking care of four feet. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Sarah: Completely.

Ellie: Of course you do, of course you do. I'm gonna go get us some more wine.

Casey: Relax, I think I see a scenario where we both get out of here with acceptable losses.

Chuck: What exactly is your version of acceptable?

Casey: Breaks and punctures, possible loss of a limb, no major organ damage.

Chuck: [knocks down a bad guy while tied to Casey's back] How do ya like me now suckah!

Chuck Versus the Marlin [1.13]

Casey: [to Lester and Jeff] We could do this the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is I shove his foot up your ass.

Jeff: What's the hard way?

Casey: I use my foot!

Morgan: This is just getting a little personal.

Casey: Right, new tactic. You finish the story or I put your head through the wall.

Morgan: Okay, someone wasn't hugged enough as a child.

Awesome: Where are you, Chuck? I need the ring. This is not awesome!

Chuck: Look, what if I surrender and you run. I mean I'm going into a cell anyway. What's the difference?

Sarah: Torture.

Chuck: Okay, no surrender.

Awesome: Way to go Chuck, I always knew you could handle my family jewels.

Season 2

Chuck Versus the First Date [2.01]

Casey: [Colt is dangling Chuck out a window] Let the geek go!

Sarah: Wait! Not out the window.

Casey: Aren't we picky?

Chuck: You want to go on a date some time? I mean a date without aliases, and spy gear, and a mission.

Sarah: Like a real date?

Chuck: Yeah.

Sarah: Chuck, I-I'm still a CIA agent. And there are a hundred reasons why I shouldn't do that.

Chuck: What do you have to lose? In a week, you're going to be undercover somewhere in some place like Jakarta, in a knife fight with some evil doer and in that exact moment you're going to wish you would have spent one last night of fun with me.

Sarah: ...Okay.

Sarah: What about me?

Chuck: [chuckles] You're really going to make me say it aren't you?

[Sarah smiles]

Chuck: Wow, okay. Fine. All right we'll play it your way...A girl like you, or more appropriately, a woman like you. Considering the fact that you could probably kick the ass of everyone in this joint. And a-a smart one at that. Not to mention, cool...and extremely beautiful. And-and...you can stop me any time with the compliments if they're becoming...you know

Sarah: No, that was, uh, very...sweet.

Chuck: "Sweet?" Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm 8.

Sarah: [slight chuckle] Well, you're not so bad yourself.

Chuck: [sarcastically] Please, I'm fantastic.

Sarah: [seriously] Yeah. You are.

Chuck: What exactly are you doing?

Colt: I'm stretching. Getting limber.

Chuck: Why are you doing that?

Colt: So I won't pull a muscle when I break your neck. Maybe you should get limber too.

[Casey catches Chuck's hand after Colt drops him off of a building and swings him to safety]

Chuck: You...You...

Casey: Yeah, I know, I catch you when you fall. It's touching, really.

Chuck: No no, I love you!

Casey: Keep it in your pants, Bartowski.

Chuck Versus the Seduction [2.02]

Sarah: Okay, look, the sooner we get the Cipher back and the sooner you can have the Intersect removed, and the sooner you can be free to live whatever life you choose with whomever you choose.

Chuck: What are you saying?

Sarah: I'm saying that you can have everything that you've always wanted.

Chuck: Let me see the file.

Ellie: What we need to be is more like Chuck and Sarah.

Chuck: Excuse me?

Ellie: Every time you see her your eyes light up. I mean, How do you keep that spark alive?

Chuck: I-I, you know-I don't think I should be getting involved in-

Awesome: Come on, what's the secret bro?

Chuck: You know what, we-we kinda just, you know, we pretend like we're not really dating, which is weird I know, but it-it-it forces me to have win her over again and again...and again.

Ellie: That is so sweet.

Chuck: Well, it may not be the steamiest, but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles.

Sarah: Doubt that. Morgan's still dating, right?

Chuck: Good point.

Roan: [preparing Chuck to seduce an enemy agent] We need to talk about protection.

Chuck: I really don't think it's going to get that far, Roan.

Roan: I mean a gun. Do you know why she's called the "black widow?"

Chuck: Because she's African-American, and her husband died?

Chuck: So how can you just sit there and watch them die?

Roan: Because I'm not in love with one of the agents.

Chuck: I'm not...I care about them. I care about both of them. Besides we heard what she said, okay? To her, I'm just an asset.

Roan: No. You're not...Trust me. The lady doth protest too much. But Charles, you have to ask yourself is she worth dying for?

Chuck: Yes.

Roan: Poor boy. Lesson number one for being a spy: never fall in love.

Chuck: Well then I guess I'm not much of a spy.

Chuck Versus the Breakup [2.03]

Chuck: Buddy, what've I told you about direct confrontation with the Mighty Jocks, Mitt specifically?

Morgan: Run with my tail between my legs and go get John Casey.

Chuck: So uh...staying with Sarah, huh?

Bryce: Protecting our cover. How are things between you guys?

Chuck: They're good. Good good good. Solid. Why, did she say something?

Bryce: No it's just, she's a beautiful girl, pretending to be your girlfriend. I was afraid you'd let the lines get blurred and fall for her.

Chuck: [scoffs] What me, fall for Sarah? Please.

Lester: I'm too young, upwardly mobile, and handsome to die.

Fulcrum Agent: Okay, let's try this one more time. The microchip. Please. The microchip now!

Bryce: Release the kid first.

Chuck: Kid? Honestly, we were born in the same year!

Chuck: Look, we both know how I feel about you so I'm just going to shoot straight. Sarah, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. You're beautiful, you're smart, you laugh at all of my stupid jokes and have a horrible habit of constantly saving my life. The truth is, you're everything that I thought I ever wanted and more. And for the last few days all I could think about is our future together. About what it's going to be like once I finally get the Intersect out of my head; we can be together for real, no fake relationships, no covers, no lies. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that you and I can never have a future together. I fooled myself into thinking that we could but the truth is: we can't. Because even if we had a real relationship it would never really be real. I'd still never know anything about you, your real name, your home town, your first love, anything. And I want more than that. I want to be able to call you at the end of a bad day and tell you about some funny thing Morgan did and not find out I can't but I can't cause you're off be somewhere in Paraguay quelling a revolution with a fork. I'm a normal guy who wants a normal life. And as amazing as you are, Sarah Walker, we both know that you will never be normal.

Sarah: You know, someday when the Intersect is out of your head and you have the life that you always wanted, you'll forget all about me.

Chuck: I seriously doubt that.

Chuck Versus the Cougars [2.04]

Chuck: [watching Lester's sales policy in action] That's gonna end badly.

Morgan: I know. I know, Chuck. That's part of the fun.

Sarah: Back off, Chuck! You have as much information as is pertinent to this assignment!

Chuck: So "Jenni" with an "i" or would that be-

[Sarah takes the pencil Chuck's holding]

Sarah: All Jenny's boyfriend needs to know is that Jenny hates questions about her past!

[Throws the pencil at a picture of Chuck and Sarah, embedding it in Chuck's picture]

Sarah: You got that?

Chuck I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.

Casey: [to Chuck after Sarah spills wine on Chuck's pants] Not the first American tax dollars wasted on a man's lap.

Chuck: Who’s going to tell Ratner about his wife?

Casey: That’s why love is for suckers.

Chuck: Where’s Sarah?

Casey: Sucker.

Mark Ratner: See, I'm just a guy who likes math, you know, and somehow I got a beautiful girl like that to fall in love with me. I have to pinch myself sometimes. It's like I'm dreaming. Aw, forget it, Agent Carmichael. I mean, how can I expect a cool guy like you to understand?

Chuck: You know what, Mark? Sometimes the nerd gets the girl.

Sarah: Okay, fine, I'll answer one question about my past. You've earned that much.

Chuck: ...No thanks...I don't need to know more, not about who you were. 'Cause as much as you don't think so, I know who you are: a girl I'd like to share a cheeseburger with...Should I get a knife? I'll get a knife.

Sarah: That won't be necessary.

[Sarah rolls up one of pants legs, pulls out a knife and gives it to Chuck]

Chuck: That's awesome! And a little disturbing.

Chuck Versus Tom Sawyer [2.05]

Emmett: Let's start out simple: why do you belong at the Buy More?

Jeff: I satisfy a quota. My dad's part Indian. The cool kind of Indian, though, not like Lester.

Chuck: Hey, sis? The world's not gonna end today. [Ellie walks out of earshot] I have very reliable sources.

Chuck: The guy who created Missile Command commands actual missiles?

Chuck: Oh, and I'm gonna need to borrow your girlfriend.

Morgan: Oh, dude she's all yours.

Chuck: Morgan! Hey, ah, buddy, do-do we carry any Rush CDs in the store?

Morgan: No need. I got them all in my Zune.

Chuck: You have a Zune?

Morgan: Are you kidding me? No, no. I'll grab my iPod.

Chuck Versus the Ex [2.06]

Man: Is there a problem? [Chuck hides under desk]

Chuck: Can you tell me if the attractive, brown eyed, slightly egg headed brunette with an extremely cold heart is still here?

Man: She's here; why, who is she?

Chuck: Jill Roberts, my ex-girlfriend. She broke my heart. I need-I need a diversion; would-would it be a terrible imposition for you to pull the fire alarm?

Jill: Hi, I'm Dr Jill Roberts. Is there someone who can help me with the tech requirements for my lecture?

Man: Under the desk.

Chuck: When you say "reconnect" you mean send her an email or invite her to be my new Facebook friend, right?

General Beckman: Call her at her hotel and make a date! See if you flash on anything she says or anyone you meet.

Chuck: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, a date with my ex? No, General, that-that is a terrible idea. You see she broke my heart; she destroyed me; she took all of my confidence, my mojo!

Casey: You had mojo?

Chuck: I was on my way, oh, and by the way she slept with Bryce Larkin.

Casey: Huh. Who hasn't? [looks at Sarah]

Sarah: Look, Chuck. I know Jill hurt you, but maybe seeing her will give you the closure that you've always wanted. You have done a lot for the CIA and we're going to make you look good.

Casey: Look on the bright side, now you can get your mojo back!

Chuck: Sticky clutch. [nervous laugh] Remind me to have my assistant have that fixed.

Jill: I think the valet is up a little further.

Chuck: Beautiful night for walk, huh? Shall we?

Jill: Who is it?

Chuck: It's the lying, yet well meaning fool who rented a Ferrari last night...

Casey: Ten bucks says she doesn't open the door for him!

Sarah: Make it twenty and you're on.

Jill: I don't want to talk to you Chuck!

Chuck: Okay, well, then I'll do all the talking. I know this may come as a shock to you but I'm here to do something totally crazy and tell you the truth. I still work at the Buy More, and, uh, I still live with my sister and I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I guess I just wanted you to think that I was someone special. So, in order to accomplish that I went out and got a new suit and rented a car that I clearly have no idea how to drive because from the second I saw you again I knew that I hadn't gotten over you yet, Jill.

Jill: Really? You haven't gotten over me?

Chuck: No...

Jill: Get in here. [Casey pays up bet]

Casey: No no no, I served my country with honor Bartowski! Please...let me die with dignity!

Chuck Versus the Fat Lady [2.07]

Sarah: [Chuck's stuck in the airvent] What are you doing up there?

Chuck: Help! [Falls to the floor]

Casey: Shh. It's the F.B.I, they're dumb, not deaf.

Chuck: Thanks.

Chuck: Wait. So not only did we not get the FULCRUM list, but Jill's never going to speak to me again because she caught me naked rinsing off fruit punch on another woman.

Casey: Common spy problem.

Chuck: Really?

Jeff: I don't rat. Only thing my mother taught me from the joint. If you want answers, talk to the Injun

Lester: Injun is a highly derogatory word referring to Native Americans, not East Indians, you cretin!

Jeff: Grab a shiv and make your move.

Lester: We should run now. He's in "prison mode".

Chuck: [stops making out with Jill because of the surveillance] Buy More, tomorrow.

Jill: What time?

Chuck: Take the latent heat of aquatic fusion...

Jill: Is that in calories per gram?

Chuck: Of course. [seductive voice] And then subtract the atomic number of thallium, got it? [Jill nods] Okay, I'll see you then!

Casey: [growls] Nerd code!

Jill: Thank you for saving my life. Sorry for not trusting you with Chuck.

Sarah: You want to pay me back? Don't hurt him again.

Jill: I won't. I wouldn't. I care about Chuck.

Sarah: Me, too. It's my job to protect him...from anything.

Chuck Versus the Gravitron [2.08]

Chuck: Excuse me. I'm sorry, General. But who in my life isn't a spy? My sister? My best friend? Should I just start asking people that when I first meet them, "Hi I'd like the extra value meal, and while we're on the topic, do you covertly work for a government espionage faction?"

Chuck: [Text message to Sarah and Casey] I also unlocked your door. Taking them to Buy More. Unleash the Casey.

Chuck: You should know I wanted to help you. I was going to let you get away. But you were about to kill Sarah and made the decision for me. You're under arrest, Jill. And I'm breaking up with you.

Chuck: I'm just too trusting. Ever since I was a kid, I really wanted to believe what everyone else told me, you know? I'm just getting used to this new job, with the spying and lying.

Sarah: Don't get used to it. What makes you special is that you're not like every other spy. You're a good guy and you want to help people. Leave the deception to me.

Chuck: I'm glad I have you.

Sarah: Yeah, we're better as a team.

Chuck: [to Ellie] And I realized that Jill, Stanford and Bryce, that's a story from my past...But my new story is you, and Sarah, and these freakin' yahoos. And sometimes it can be a really fun story.

Chuck Versus the Sensei [2.09]

Casey: Sure thing, Chuck. I'll just call all the criminals and rogue spies and let them know to hold on a sec because Chuck Bartowski needs some time to sort out his lady feelings.

Casey: [to Chuck] If my primary objective wasn't to protect you, I'd kill you.

Casey: Beckman was out of line pulling me off this mission.

Sarah: I agree with her. You're too emotionally involved.

Casey: This from the agent that can't keep her chocolate out of Bartowski's peanut butter.

Sarah: Whatever my feelings may be for Chuck I never knowingly endangered the asset. You let your anger toward Bennett cloud your judgment.

Casey: Finally you admit that you do have feelings for the nerd.

Sarah: No, all I will admit to is having feelings.

Chuck: Look. Look, I get how you're feeling man. I totally get how you're feeling. You're-you're feeling betrayed by someone that you really care about.

Casey: You're damaging my calm, Chuck.

Chuck: You've spent so much of your life pushing people away. Lashing out with hurtful words and-and-and punches. But-but I know why you do it. You do it because you're scared.

Casey: WHAT?

Chuck: Scared. Scared to be known. Scared that if we see who you are, we'd actually care about you.

Casey: Shut up, Chuck!

Sarah: Yeah, shut up, Chuck. You're making him mad.

Chuck: [shushes Sarah] Underneath that extremely terrifying exterior lies a man who deeply, deeply feels. You-you care. You care about us. You care about me. Admit you feel all warm and mushy about me. Go ahead, say it; you love me, John Casey.

Casey: I'm going to kill you!

[Lunges for Chuck]

Chuck: Wait, wait, wait! Hold on. No! Not me.

[points to Bennett]

Chuck: Him!

Chuck: [mimicking Casey's voice] Well thanks for saving my life today, Chuck.

Chuck: Any time, Casey. Yeah, you know what you're my friend.

Chuck: [mimicking Casey's voice] Yeah, you know what, you're my friend too.

Chuck: That's really kind of you, Casey. Have a good night.

Casey: [seriously] Thank you. [closes door]

Chuck Versus the DeLorean [2.10]

Chuck: I think that you should know that the much much much older gentleman that you are having dinner with right now is a very bad man Sarah.

Sarah: Chuck-

Chuck: Let me finish. The guy is a total loser, all right? Absolute bottom feeding scum of the Earth. Have I mentioned considerably older man!

Jack: [from behind] All true, but I'm a hell of a dancer.

Sarah: Chuck, I'd like you to meet my dad, Jack Burton. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Chuck.

Chuck: [Chuck clears his throat] A real pleasure, sir.

Sarah: [about her father] Chuck, you're attributing good intentions to him because you're a good person.

Chuck: Well, he must've done something right: you turned out pretty good.

Awesome: I lent him that money to get an apartment, not blow it on some stupid car!

Anna: WHAT? That money was for our apartment?! I'm gonna kill him!

Awesome: Get in line, Anna!

Awesome: [to Morgan] You have exactly one day to get my money back to me or I pluck you from head to toe.

Anna: Start with the groin. He won't be using that region for a while.

Sarah: Why did you put the money in Chuck's account?

Jack: I needed to put it somewhere because I didn't trust Cop Face.

Sarah: But you trusted Chuck.

Jack: I read people. That's the only real talent I got. One thing I know is that kid would never betray you. I made a $10 million bet that he loved you...Turns out I was right.

Chuck Versus Santa Claus [2.11]

Chuck: We have a cover date tomorrow, Christmas at the Bartowski's.

Sarah: Oh. Wow. Thanks for the invitation Chuck but I don't do Christmas.

Chuck: I'm sorry. I think you just said "You don't do Christmas."

Sarah: Look, I would rather not get into it.

Chuck: But it's, it's Christmas. Look I'm not buying the whole Scrooge act. Okay. Underneath that spy cover is a regular person, just like the rest of us. I mean honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?

Sarah: Christmas at the Burton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.

Chuck: Okay. Well, so-Okay, you're a little different than the rest of us. but Christmas at the Bartowski's means...eggnog, pj's, a fake gas fireplace and that's right, Twilight Zone marathons. I'm not taking no for an answer, Walker. So prepare to be heartwarmed.

Ned: [talking about Casey] Hey, hey, I uh, feel terrible about shooting your friend's toe off.

Chuck: No, no, no, that's okay. Sometimes I feel like shooting him myself.

Sarah: Hi Chuck! Where are you?

Chuck: DVDs. I'm in the romantic-comedy section, although for irony's sake I suppose I should probably be in hostage thrillers.

Sarah: So um, Ned let everyone call their loved ones. That was pretty smart to call me, protect our cover.

Chuck: Yeah, well, you are my girlfriend. Sort of.

Sarah: So does that mean your offer still stands for Christmas?

Chuck: See I knew you could be heartwarmed. I actually, um...I have something for you. I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but considering the circumstances I kind of want to give it to you today.

Sarah: Chuck, we're gonna get out of here. We'll be fine, I-

[Chuck pulls out a bracelet]

Sarah: promise. Wow. That's beautiful.

Chuck: It's good luck. It was my mom's charm bracelet. My dad gave it to her when Ellie was born.

[Chuck puts it on Sarah's wrist]

Sarah: Oh Chuck, I can't take this. This is something real. Something you should give to a real girlfriend.

Chuck: ...I know.

Mauser: You may have beaten me, Agent Walker. But FULCRUM's won. I know that Chuck Bartowski's the Intersect.

Sarah: Chuck's secret is safe! And you're going straight to a CIA detention facility never to be seen or heard from again.

Mauser: You go right ahead, Agent Walker. Arrest me. But say "Good-bye" to Chuck. You see I'm not like those other FULCRUM agents. They'll do whatever it takes to find me. And when they do, every FULCRUM agent we have is gonna know Chuck's the Intersect. It's going to be the end of his pathetic existence. So take me in, Agent Walker, I'm ready to go.

[Pause. Sarah lowers her weapon. Long pause. Sarah shoots Mauser]

Morgan: Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it gets permanently burned into your brain?

Chuck: ...I don't know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.

Chuck Versus the Third Dimension [2.12]

Chuck: Sarah? [Chuck is dreaming that Sarah rises from his bed in black lingerie]

Sarah Yes Chuck.

Chuck: This is a dream.

Sarah: No, it isn't.

Chuck: C'mon, who are we kidding here? This is clearly my subconscious at work. On behalf of my conscious self, I'd like to apologize. I'm normally far more respectful of women, even in my dreams. It's just that anxiety and fear can, um ahem, really affect your dream life.

Sarah: And what are you afraid of?

Chuck: I watched you kill that FULCRUM agent in cold blood, Sarah. I am... I am not like you. Okay? I might have all these government secrets in my brain, but that does not make me a real spy. I, I need to tell you this in reality, not in my dream.

Sarah: Chuck...this isn't a dream.

Chuck: What is it?

Sarah: It's a nightmare!

Chuck: [Chuck wakes up screaming] That's not the way that dream was suppose to go.

Chuck: How much tranquilizer did you use?

Casey: It's a high grade at a heavy dose. Mr. Martin should be out for 12 to 24 hours.

Tyler Martin: [Starts to wake up] Jet lag is brutal.

Chuck: Rock star metabolism.

Tyler Martin: All the better for seeing you, darling. Hello [Casey tranqs him again] I feel like a daffodil.

Casey: Time for the road trip.

Chuck: Road trip? Wait, whoa whoa whoa whoa where are you going?

Casey: Buy More parking lot camera has a match on the car the suspect drove this morning.

Chuck: What about Tyler here?

Casey: Hmm? Oh, check his mouth every twenty minutes. Make sure he doesn't choke on his own tongue.

Chuck: Hang on a second. You're-you're gonna go and you want me to stay here and be on tongue-watch duty?

Sarah: Well, you don't have plans, do you?

Chuck: Would it be so crazy if I did have plans? Plans that involved something other than fixing a computer or playing hot potato with a thermite grenade?

Casey: Yes.

Sarah: You know, Chuck, Casey is right. You could've gotten yourself killed. What exactly were you thinking?

Chuck: What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking like I wasn't a spy. Okay. I was trying to have a little bit of fun. And I knew the second I called you two, it would all be over!

Sarah: But Chuck, you are a spy. And you should know better than to put yourself in a dangerous situation where I can't protect you!

Chuck: Is it really so wrong for me to want a night off? I was having a really good time, too, until the assassins stole my pants and tried to kill me. I've earned it. I deserve it.

[Casey shoots him with a tranquilizer dart]

Chuck: I'm losing consciousness.

[Chuck falls to floor unconscious]

Sarah: CASEY!

Casey: My ears couldn't take it. Either that or I shoot him.

Tyler Martin: I hear you're the bro to talk to to get more of those tasty tranq darts.

Casey: Philistine.

Sarah: If there is something bothering you, then please tell me. I know part of your job is to keep all these secrets in your head but you're not suppose to keep them from me.

Chuck: Yeah I know, I know...I saw you shoot that FULCRUM agent on Christmas Eve. After they took over the Buy More. And when I asked you about it...

Sarah: I lied.

Chuck: Yeah.

Sarah: Chuck, I have to protect you.

Chuck: I know that. I...I...I know that you do. You were protecting me, you were protecting all of us. He had threatened my family, my friends, and you were just doing your job. I get that but... Sarah, the guy was unarmed. And, and you just...

Sarah: I did what I had to do. He knew who you really were. Your whole family was in danger. And I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget you never asked for all of this.

Chuck: That part I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.

Chuck Versus the Suburbs [2.13]

Morgan: Gentlemen, I think that I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason that I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible.

[Jeff and Lester nod]

Morgan: And the big man, he made that dream a reality.

Lester: That man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.

Jeff: Until his old lady dumped him.

Morgan: We're screwed! I mean, we're screwed now that he has nothing to live for except for work.

Jeff: Yeah, but how do we get Mrs. Big Mike to take him back?

Lester: How do you mend a broken heart?

Emmett: You mean, how do we get him laid? I'm sorry to interrupt this little meeting of the minds but you're not the only ones who find this new regime insufferable. It's obvious that our rotund leader is channeling his sexual energies into the Buy More. In my opinion your only hope...

Morgan: Is to channel him back into sex. Yeah, it's brilliant, Emmett. But where do we find Big Mike a ridiculous, out of his league hottie?

Lester: Someone to suck his...will to work out of him.

Jeff: Not at a Bennigan's Bar.

Lester: Sometimes that fruit hangs a little too low.

Emmett: Where do you meet people where you don't have to pay for sex?

Chuck: Well, gotta run. You know how it is...the old ball and chain.

Sylvia: Listen Charles, I just live right across the street. So...call me, when the honeymoon's over. I've got a chain too.

[ Chuck moves away back to Sarah]

Sarah: Well?

Chuck: No flashes, no nothing. I think our neighbors are clean. Except for that lady across the street. She's got a dirty mouth.

Sylvia: Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

Chuck: Charles Carmichael always comes quickly.

[awkward pause]

Casey: [over watch-phone] Real smooth, Bartowski.

Chuck: Casey, I'm handcuffed.

Casey: Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.

Chuck: Really?

Casey: Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is you're gonna wanna apply torsional pressure until it snaps.

Chuck: I'm not going to break my bone!

Casey: Well in that case, you are screwed.

Ellie: Well, what happened? What went wrong?

Chuck: I guess something that's been wrong from the start. You know?

Ellie: Are...you guys aren't breaking up, are you?

Chuck: No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Sarah's not going anywhere.

Ellie: Chuck, I guess I, I don't, I don't know what you're saying exactly.

Chuck: Look El, I know how much you love Sarah. And I know how much you love the idea of us, and us moving forward with you and Devon, but we're not anything like you guys.

Ellie: But you guys seem so perfect.

Chuck: Yeah, I know. I guess, but being in that house with her, it was so close to being perfect. The way I had always pictured it would be. Then I realized what was wrong with that picture...And it was us. Sarah and I are never going to be anything more than we are now right now. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

Chuck Versus the Best Friend [2.14]

Jeff: Does it shock you that 80% of my encounters with women have been completely without their knowledge?

Chuck: Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20%, Jeff. Look, buddy, I know you're going through a tough time, but I don't feel comfortable stalking another human being.

Morgan: Dude, it's not stalking, okay? It's caring enough about someone to learn things about them they won't tell you themselves.

Chuck: Which is stalking.

Chuck: I can't betray my best friend. How come nobody gets that?

Casey: Hmm. Semper Fidelis. Means always faithful in the Marines. In civilian life, means putting your friend's well being above your own. I-I salute you for that, Bartowski. [Casey gives Chuck a small salute] Well done.

Chuck: Yeah, that's, Thanks, Casey. Yeah. Semper Fi. Semper Fi! You know it's a pretty upside down world when this guy's the one picking up the emotional nuances around here.

[Casey winks at Sarah]

Lester: What was that about?

Chuck: I'm helping Ellie and Awesome find a band for their wedding.

Lester: Then this, sir, is your lucky day.

Jeff: We'll handle it from here.

Chuck: You're going to help me find a band?

Lester: No-no-no, you misunderstand. You found your band. It is WE. [points to himself and Jeff] We'll play your sister's big day.

Chuck: Um wait, wait a minute, you guys have a band?

Jeff: Jeff...

Lester: ...Lester...

Jeff and Lester: JEFFSTER!!

Chuck: That seems very fitting.

Jeff: Originally, we were going to go with the name "Jester," but we didn't want people to associate us with a couple of fools.

Chuck: Obviously not.

Sarah: No, I get it; he's your best friend.

Chuck: You know you say that, but I don't think you have a clue what it means. Look, Sarah, I don't have parents. I mean not really. I don't really talk about it because that's the way things are now. But it wasn't always this way. Morgan was there the first day that my mom took off. He didn't say much. Because honestly what is a fifth grader supposed to say? But we sat there and split a cherry cheesecake and played Legend of Zelda all night long. And my dad, well that's-that's a whole other story. But Morgan was there for that too. Morgan is more than just my best friend. He's my family. Before you got here, and long after you've gone, Morgan is my family.

Sarah: ...Last night we failed to learn the contents of the Triad's container. And now we don't know what kind of drugs or weapons are floating around in the city. And while I appreciate your friendship with Morgan, losing sight of that container endangers many people's best friends, not just yours, Chuck.

Sarah: I wanted to apologize. I could have been more sensitive before about your friendship with Morgan. It's just-it's difficult. I don't really have anyone in my life like that who cares about me.

Chuck: Yeah, you do.

Chuck Versus the Beefcake [2.15]

Morgan: Uh, why on God's green Earth would he ever ever break up with Sarah?

Awesome: Ask Ellie, it was her idea.

Morgan: Really?

Ellie: What? He said that he didn't think she was the one.

Morgan: [Morgan sighs] There are a few precious things I know anything about in this world. Chuck's one of them. Believe me, Sarah's the one.

Ellie: How do you know?

Morgan: How do I know? It's all over the kid's face. When Chuck is around Sarah, he is the Chuck that we always dreamed of, all right? The-the Chuck that has the potential to do anything in the world.

Chuck: Ooh! Ugh! Oh my God! This is unbearable! My back is killing me, my wrists are chafing!

Cole: This is going to get ugly. What level is his pain tolerance?

Sarah: I'd say about 1 out of 10.

Chuck: A what? A one? I'd say I'm at least at an 8.

Sarah: Chuck, the torture hasn't even started yet.

Chuck: This is the pre-torture? Okay, okay, put me down for a 1.

Casey: What happened?

Chuck: Well I...fainted and hit my head on the ground.

Casey: Real brave Bartowski.

Chuck: Hey! I fainted on purpose. That was my move. You know I'm terrified of needles.

Casey: So your move was to faint and his was to endure torture.

Chuck: We have different methods.

Chuck: Ellie, Awesome, I have made a very important decision. I am moving out...

Ellie: [Ellie gasps] Yes!

Chuck: And moving in with Morgan.

Ellie: NO!

Sarah: Chuck, he knows you're the Intersect. We have to go into 24-hour protective detail until further notice.

Chuck: What exactly does that mean?

Sarah: It means we can't break up. And we have to move in together.

[Noticing Ellie, Awesome and Morgan]

Sarah: Well, Ellie's watching; we'd better sell it.

[They hug]

Chuck: Are you sure about this? I mean he's a really tough guy. Maybe he won't talk.

Sarah: Chuck, everyone talks.

Chuck Versus the Lethal Weapon [2.16]

Lester: Morgan. All you have to do is convince Anna that moving in with you is a bad idea.

Morgan: Okay, but how am I gonna...

Lester: Shhh, Bubeleh, you've come to the right place. Repulsion is our business.

Jeff: And business is good.

Sarah: We work for the government, Dr. Busgang.

Perseus: So do I. Tell them, Duncan. We work for the CIA.

Casey: The men you work for are terrorists.

[Casey gets slammed against the wall by two agents]

Casey: Hey!

Duncan: Terrorist? We're patriots. Howard, you're a patriot.

Casey: You're spies who've turn your back on your country!

Duncan: You couldn't have it more wrong. Who do you think we are? We do what needs to be done to preserve this nations rightful place in the world. Someday you'll thank us. Well, not you, you'll be dead.

General Beckman: Mr. Barker, I understand you were hurt protecting Agent Walker. I'm told you showed great courage.

Cole: Just doing my job, General. Actually, it was Chuck who showed great courage on this mission. He was also injured in the line of duty.

Casey: He got clipped by a windowsill. It's as pathetic as it sounds.

Morgan: I want to make sure that she [Anna] loves me for me and not...other things.

Chuck: [to Jeff and Lester] Excuse us. [aside to Morgan] Are you crazy? What other things could she possibly be loving you for? I mean honestly, buddy, you know that I love you, but-but you're lucky to have a girl in your life who loves you for you, even though you are in fact you.

Morgan: ...Fair.

Chuck: If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime. [Chuck walks away]

Lester: Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.

Chuck: Sarah, I'm not gonna move in with you...Because I can't...And you know why I can't...I'm crazy about you. And-and I always have been. But, you know, having a fake relationship, that's one thing. But living together is...I mean everyday and being around each other and-and...and that's why I can't do it. And I hope you understand.

Sarah: I do.

Chuck: Thank you.

[Starts to leave then stops]

Chuck: Oh and, uh, just so you know, I am going to get this thing out of my head, one day. I will. And when I do, I'm going to live the life I want with the girl I love. Because I'm not going to let this thing rob me of that. I won't.

Chuck Versus the Predator [2.17]

Barkley: We're the flagship store, we should get those computers-

Big Mike: Flagship of my ass; now get out of here, Barkley.

Vincent: You have one chance. Drop your guns.

Chuck: Uh, sir. They don't have any guns. I personally put this mission together, and I forbade them from packing.

Vincent: Why would you do that?

Chuck: I don't know. I just, you know-I think guns make things too easy. I like my spies to be tough. Look, you're not going to shoot anyone, right?

Vincent: It would be unprofessional not to.

Chuck: What? You're coming here?

General Beckman: Hopefully I won't have to shut down Operation Bartowski because of one foolish mistake. But if FULCRUM knows who you really are, pack your bags, Chuck; you're leaving with me. Tell your family and friends...tell them nothing.

Sarah: Chuck Bartowski has risked his life for this country. But he's not a spy and he knows it.

General Beckman: He's a spy until I say he isn't.

Sarah: General, Chuck knows that Orion is out there and he is not going to sit in his room and do what we say. He...

Casey: What is it?

Sarah: Where's Chuck?

Casey: [Casey checks the tracking device] Watch has him in his room.

Sarah: No. This is Chuck we're talking about. He would've come up with some excuse to come in here and meet the General in person.

General Beckman: What?

Sarah: Check his room.

Casey: Walker's right. Chuck's a social butterfly by nature.

Chuck: General, you don't want the Intersect out of my head, do you?

General Beckman: No, I don't.

Sarah: Ma'am, Chuck has done everything that we've asked of him.

General Beckman: Agent Walker, you want to protect him, but play time is over. Chuck, I hesitate to say this...

Chuck: Please, please hesitate.

General Beckman: We are in the midst of a secret war with FULCRUM. And I believe the outcome of this fight will rest squarely on your shoulders.

Casey: Oy.

Chuck: No. Listen to the man, he's right. I'm no spy.

General Beckman: Do you know how many agents I've lost to FULCRUM? How powerful they are? Only this operation, only you have found a hole in their armor. See, I can't lose you, Chuck. I need you. It's time for you to become a spy.

Chuck Versus the Broken Heart [2.18]

Zamir: Are you his doctor?

Chuck: Of course. Am I not wearing a doctor's coat? Who else would I be if not one of this man's doctors?

Zamir: Doctor, I am Harry Lime's private physician, Dr. Muhammad Zamir.

[they shake hands]

Chuck: Ah, Doctor.

Zamir: Doctor.

Chuck: Doctor.

Zamir: Doctor.

Chuck: And, doctor.

Zamir: Nurse, would you excuse us for a moment, please? I'd like to consult the doctor privately, please.

Chuck: Yes, yes, we will be discussing doctor things that only doctors understand, please go. [whispers to Alex] Please don't go.

Alex: Be right outside... doctor.

Sarah: [Holding up Chuck's cellphone] I found this when I went to say goodbye to Chuck.

Alex: Which directly disobeyed an order. You were fired for exactly this reason.

Sarah: Then there's nothing stopping me from kicking your ass.

Chuck: Oh my God, I'm bleeding. Oh my God I'm bleeding, oh my God I'm bleeding.

Zamir: Come on.

Chuck: I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding. I'm sorry, I get a little woozy at the sight of blood.

Zamir: A surgeon is afraid of blood?

Chuck: I know, a little ironic, right?

Casey: Hey. Chuck, turn off the gas you idiot. You inhale too much of that stuff it'll kill you.

Chuck: We're gonna die.

[Chuck and Zamir laugh]

Chuck: We're gonna die.

Alex: [Grabbing the walkie talkie] Open this door right now!

Chuck: No. Look, I'm not listening to you. Okay?

Alex: This isn't working. I can't risk this going any further. I'm getting the nitro.

[Starts to leave]

Sarah: Forrest, we can do this your way or we can actually save the asset.

General Beckman: Agent Walker, despite your heroism, you have directly disobeyed several orders...

Chuck: Wait, General, um, I'm sorry but, but isn't the most important part of being my handler making sure I stay alive?

Sarah: It's okay, Chuck.

Casey: No, it's not.

[Everyone looks at Casey]

Casey: Let him finish.

Chuck: Thanks...Um, General. What I'm trying to say is that I-I think that maybe because my relationship with Sarah is so...you know, we're-we're-we're close. We care about each other. That's-that's what I'm trying to say. And-and I know it's not protocol or whatever but it's those feelings that wound up saving my life.

Chuck Versus the Dream Job [2.19]

Chuck: [to Sarah and Casey dressed as nerds] Either this is a mission or you two are very good at hiding your hobbies.

Sarah: Where's Chuck?

Casey: In a world of pain.

Chuck: I can't believe this. My father invented the intersect.

Stephen: Well, that's not true. I didn't invent all of it. Just the really cool stuff. Come on. All right, now I can understand how this could complicate a few things.

Chuck: What? Complicate a few things; Dad, I saw you die. I saw you explode in a helicopter.

Stephen: Well, I see how I could have given you that impression. I had to die quite a few times, one of the perils of being Orion.

Stephen: What you are gonna see are a bunch of encoded images that will cancel out the ones that you originally uploaded.

Chuck: Wait. Are you saying that you are gonna overwrite my brain?

Stephen: That's a good way of putting it. Yes.

Roark: Put him on the helicopter. Kill his CIA agent.

Stephen: He's my son.

Roark: He's your son? Congratulations! That's great! I had no idea...Kill his son.

Stephen: I'll-I'll build anything you want, give FULCRUM their intersect. But my son walks away from here.

Vincent: You'll build it either way.

Stephen: You going to torture me? After 10 years away from my family, my son walks away!

Roark: Alright, alright. I'm not a monster...Maybe a little bit of a monster. Today's his lucky day. Shotgun on the chopper. Let's go.

Chuck Versus the First Kill [2.20]

Bernie: Are you wired?

Chuck: No we're not.

Bernie: [aims his gun at Chuck's face] Are you wired?

Chuck: Yes, yes we are.

. . .

Bergey: Are you wearing a wire?

Chuck: That's preposterous.

Bergey: [his thugs aim their weapons at Chuck] Are you wearing a wire?

Chuck: Yes, yes I am.

Wally Roberts: [to Sarah and Casey] And you are?

Sarah: I'm, uh, Chuck's cousin, Sarah. And this is my boyfriend John.

Wally Roberts: Talk about beauty and the beast, huh? You must be loaded.

[Casey feigns a laugh]

Chuck: I'm sorry. They're sending you back to prison.

Jill: Well, it's not your fault. At least I got to see my family one last time. I'm sorry I couldn't help you Chuck.

Chuck: It's okay. I'm sorry about your Uncle Bernie. I had no idea the Morgan was so lethal.

Jill: I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor. They changed me. Promise me that you won't let them change you.

Chuck: I'll do my best.

Jill: I liked wearing this. Even if it was just for a few hours. [takes off engagement ring] They were never gonna let me go even if we found your dad, were they? NSA, Fulcrum, CIA, they're all the same. They all lie. They're not gonna let you go either, Chuck. Watch your back.

Casey: Permission to drop the twerp into a deep dark hole, General?

General Beckman: Granted.

Casey: Huh?

General Beckman: It's over, the Human Intersect Project has become too hard to control. I can't afford to wonder anymore if the team or Chuck Bartowski is a liability.

Sarah: What are you saying, General?

General Beckman: I'm shutting down this project. Chuck's going into lockdown. He'll be taken to Washington, and put into a secure facility once-and-for-all.

Casey: Operation Moron is over?

Chuck: I owe you an apology.

Sarah: Why?

Chuck: I was beginning to think that I couldn't trust you anymore, Sarah. That maybe Jill was right. That the CIA was never gonna let me go, that they would always put their best interests ahead of mine...But not you. You've always looked out for me. Thank you.

Sarah: [pause. Sarah hugs Chuck and whispers in his ear] Take off your watch.

Chuck: Why?

Sarah: Because it's all a lie. Your dad is still out there. Beckman sent me to get you to bring you back to Castle. They're going to take you underground. We have to run.

Chuck: [Sarah has just taken him on the run] You're disobeying orders for me? You're committing treason, Sarah; you could go to jail.

Sarah: I know.

Chuck Versus the Colonel [2.21]

Chuck: So ah, as you can see, just the one bed. A little presumptuous I guess. Should I have asked for separate rooms?

Sarah: No, It's fine. As long as we're on the lam, I can't let you out of my sight. I'm gonna take a shower.

Chuck: I'm gonna assume that whole out-of-sight thing doesn't really apply right now.

Casey: Going somewhere Bartowski?

Chuck: No. No. We came back here for you because Fulcrum's here.

Casey: Well then we better get out of here.

Chuck: I'm not leaving without Sarah.

Casey: You drive or I end you.

Chuck: End me? Oh yeah, how are you going to do that? You don't have a gun.

Casey: Don't think I could kill you using my thumb or my elbow? Nerd bludgeoned by radiator.

Chuck: You can't kill me with that radiator. It is far to confined in this car for you to get the appropriate torque.

Casey: Strangle you with my handcuff chain.

Chuck: Yeah. Yeah. You could probably do that.

Awesome: You're a spy, Chuck?

Chuck: Yeah, more or less, yeah.

Awesome: Whoa...Wow!...this is...awesome!

Chuck: What? No gun for me?

Sarah: Nope. You get to stay in the car.

Chuck: C'mon, the whole "stay in the car" thing, aren't we past this? I think I'm perfectly capable of handling myself on a mission.

Casey: [holds Chuck at gun point] You were saying, Agent Imbecile? Drop it, Walker.

Sarah: You drop it.

Chuck: Sarah, don't! Don't, I've come this far; if he's gonna stop me he's gonna have to kill me.

Casey: Beckman called in an air strike. It'll be here in less than 20 minutes.

Chuck: What!? Casey, my father is here! You said you would rescue him; you gave me your word. I thought that would've meant something. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Casey: Yeah, that's right you do. You made three crucial mistakes, Bartowski: you didn't realize you were being trailed for the last half hour, you didn't bring nearly enough fire power, and you didn't ask me to join.

Chuck: ...Casey, would you like to help us rescue my father?

Casey: I think your father has served our country honorably and deserves to attend his daughter's wedding.

Sarah: Is that a "yes"?

Casey: One condition: he stays in the car.

Sarah: Agreed.

Chuck: Done. Hey, hey the team's back together again! Group hug!

Casey: One more step it'll be your last. No hugs!

Chuck: In the car I go.

Chuck: Hey, I was wondering if you, uh, you wanted to come to my sister's rehearsal dinner?

Casey: The Intersect's out, Bartowski. You don't need my help anymore.

Chuck: I’m not asking you as the asset. I'm asking you as a friend.[Casey closes door] Okay, well I tried.

Casey: [Reopens door with jacket on and holding cigars] Open bar, I hope. I'll go warm up the vic.

Chuck Versus the Ring [2.22]

General Beckman: Chuck, what are your plans for the future?

Chuck: I was gonna get a good champagne buzz going on at my sister's wedding followed by a nice extra-long slow dance with my date. Vocationally speaking? Oh, that? No, nothing. Nothing lined up just yet.

General Beckman: How would you feel about working on the new Intersect project? Your government has been building its own Intersect. You've shown real promise. We'd like you to be an analyst. Your country is calling you, Mr. Bartowski.

Chuck: Uh, well then I think my country might have the wrong number. 'Cause I'm just Chuck Bartowski, not a hero.

Chuck: See? Guys can hug.

Casey: Not if they don't have their man parts.

Chuck: That's a good point.

Chuck: I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait any longer. Okay? Everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to do with my future. And the truth is I don't have a clue. All I do know is that I want you to be in it.

Sarah: Please, I really have to tell you-

Chuck: No. No guns. No lies. Just us. Just like I've always wanted. I've recently come into a little bit of money. So, any place you want to go. Any place at all, as long as it's sunny with little umbrella drinks. What I'm getting at here is...Sarah Walker will you do me the honor...of taking a vacation with me?

Sarah: Chuck, I'm leaving in the morning. The details are classified. But I'm working on the new Intersect Project with Bryce.

Bryce: The cube can't fall into the wrong hands. I made a promise to Orion.

Chuck: You knew?

Bryce: That was the deal. Your dad knew I protected you at Stanford. I was the only spy he would trust.

Chuck: I can't believe you've known this whole time.

Bryce: He wanted to keep you out of this. But I knew you could handle the Intersect. I knew Sarah would find you. Most importantly, you deserved to know the truth about your father. He's a hero...Now let's go get your sister married.

Chuck: Guys...I know Kung Fu.

Season 3

Chuck Versus the Pink Slip [3.01]

Awesome: Still playing the loser cover? You're nailing it.

Chuck: Not a cover, it's my life. I was fired. For real. I'm not a spy anymore and to be perfectly honest I'm not sure I ever really was.

Awesome: [in disbelief] So wait, this is really you?

Chuck: Maybe we should be introduced, I'm Chuck Bartowski: total loser, cheeseball addict.

Casey: Poor bastard.

Sarah: Who?

Casey: Moron that's still in love with you.

Sarah: I promise you, Casey he is not in love with me.

Casey: Oh, come on. I don't know what happened between you two. Don't want to. Just saying, I've seen men have their fingernails pulled out treated more humanely than you did that kid.

Sarah: I was just doing my job.

Casey: Job's over. Put him out of his misery. He deserves that much.

Sarah: Ever since you went to Prague I have worked with the best spies in the world and you know what?

Chuck: They're on their way here to save us?

Sarah: None of them can do what you can do. You're a spy now flash on Javier and get us out of here.

General Beckman: Sarah, I need you to keep Chuck's emotions in check so the Intersect can work. He listens to you. But he's also an unstable element.

Sarah: Do you think he's dangerous?

General Beckman: Very. But he's worth the risk. For the last two years, we've protected Chuck from the world. But now we have to protect the world from Chuck.

Ellie: This isn't about you, Chuck. This is about us. We needed a place for two. And you can get a roommate, you know. You have plenty of friends.

Morgan: I'm so happy right now!

Ellie: Other friends, Chuck. Other friends.

Chuck Versus the Three Words [3.02]

Morgan: Carina is not just some girl, okay, she's basically a Swedish supermodel. The country's greatest export since Björn Borg.

Jeff: People mistake me for him all the time.

Carina: And Casey will pose as my father.

Casey: Check your math, sister. I'll play your brother.

Carina: That's a bit of a stretch, Colonel.

Chuck: Yeah, Casey. Uh, I think you have dungarees that are older than Carina.

Chuck: And the decision that I made in Prague. I know what it looks like, I know that it looks like I chose being a spy over-over being with you. But that's not what happened. How I felt about you was real. Very, very real. And I know that you know how I felt about you for a long time, you know. But when Carina told me what you said, those three words that I've waited to hear for so long. Look Sarah, I know. You were probably very hurt. You're probably hurt that I didn't run away with you in Prague...Sarah, I love you.

Morgan: [to Carina] Just because you're a beautiful woman that I would give up a non-vital organ to make love to doesn't give you the right to show up with this clown and humiliate me in front of my friends.

Chuck: There's gotta be a contingency plan if enemy agents infiltrate my house. Like a button you push that calls that cavalry so they can swoop in and get everyone out. Where's the button?

Casey: Me. I'm the button.

Chuck Versus the Angel de la Muerte [3.03]

Awesome: Sorry, dude, didn't mean to scare you.

Chuck: Really, well then maybe you shouldn't be sneaking in my room in the middle of the night.

Chuck: I had a CIA mission.

Awesome: What exactly does that mean?

Chuck: Well you know, same old same old. Bad guy throws a fancy cocktail party. Another bad guy is trying to sell him a weapon. We bust both bad guys. Defuse a bomb. Blah blah blah.

Casey: But haven't you personally given me the order to kill that commie crackpot on three separate occasions?

General Beckman: And three times, you have failed to complete your orders.

Sarah: Thought you said you had a perfect record.

Chuck: Wow. This is getting entertainingly uncomfortable.

Awesome: So you come up with a plan yet?

Chuck: Oh yeah. Yeah, the plan is: Sarah and I are going to sneak out of here, and save Casey. While you stay here and save the Premiere. We just gotta take care of those two guards there.

Awesome: Those two soldiers with machine guns. You and what army?

Chuck: Uh, that would be Sarah, and, uh, her fists.

Assassin: There's enough poison in this needle to kill an army platoon.

Casey: Lucky for me, I'm a marine.

Chuck Versus Operation Awesome [3.04]

Casey: Chuck, stop freaking out.

Chuck: Oh, I'm not freaking out. I'll tell you why I'm not freaking out: that would require me overreacting and I don't think it's technically possible to overreact to my brother-in-law being kidnapped!

Morgan: [to Big Mike] Well, it's just a little unusual that you call me before I even had time to screw anything up.

Big Mike: Usually mornings are Big Mike Time. Time for reflection and pastry.

Awesome: You're incredible; is that your spy training?

Chuck: Duck Hunt, Nintendo.

Awesome: Geez, this guy's heavy.

Chuck: Yeah, well, bad guys don't count carbs, buddy.

Chuck Versus First Class [3.05]

Shaw: Is Chuck Bartowski a real spy?

Sarah: Yes, of course he is. I mean his training has been irregular and he was a civilian only two years ago.

Shaw: Well, these mission reports tell different story. Sometimes he sounds like Bond, and other times it's like a Jerry Lewis movie.

Chuck: Listen, I'm an integral member of this team, okay? My voice should be heard.

Casey: Oh, your pre-pubescent girl screams are going to be duly noted.

Jeff: [Casey's smoking a cigar] This is a no smoking store.

Morgan: Thanks Jeff. You know what, my lieutenant has the right to smoke a cigar if he wants. Or he can put it out. Mr. Casey.

[Casey puts out the cigar in his hand]

Morgan: Anyone else want to leave?

Chuck: [the flight attendant pulls a weapon on Chuck] I am so writing a letter to the airline about this.

Lester: [under the effects of brainwashing] Morgan Grimes is the kindest, warmest, most understanding human being I've ever known in my life.

Chuck Versus the Nacho Sampler [3.06]

Casey: Yogurt time.

Chuck: Most important meal of the day.

Jeff: It's my constitutional right to fornicate!

Casey: Credit card charges: mostly video games, comic books. Phone records indicate only one female caller in the last year: sister.

Chuck: I feel so sorry for this guy, he seems so lonely.

Casey: Oh, whoops. That's your old file, Bartowski.

Chuck: What's in Dubai?

Casey: Weap-Con, the greatest weapons convention in the world. I go every year. I find it incredibly relaxing. It looks like I'll get to write this year's off as a business trip.

Morgan: Anything you want to tell me about?

Chuck: No. Is there Anything you want to ask me?

Morgan: No.

Chuck: Okay, good talk!

Morgan: One of our best!

Chuck Versus the Mask [3.07]

Hannah: Who is that?

Morgan: Super hot blond, heart of ice? Yeah. That's Chuck's ex, Sarah.

Hannah: Oh. What's their deal?

Morgan: Well, deal is Sarah dumped his ass and, uh, broke his heart. And now she can't resist coming back here to stomp on it.

Hannah: [about Sarah and Shaw] Any idea what she's doing here? other than making you jealous with that ridiculously good looking date of hers?

Chuck: Ridiculously good looking? Wha- him, him? Meh, yeah if you're into that strong, Supermany type of a guy.

Nicos Vassilis: [realizing that Chuck stole the mask] Oh, he's good. A real Casanova this one...He used the blond to get into the vault...and seduced the computer girl to access the security system.

Sarah: Chuck, you're not going to have us forever. The Intersect was designed so agents could work autonomously.

Shaw: We're your training wheels and your performance tells me that it's about time for us to come off.

Casey: I hope you're ready for your big boy bike, Bartowski.

Chuck: If I have to see you with someone else, it might as well be a hero. Right?

Sarah: What can I say? I have a type.

Chuck Versus the Fake Name [3.08]

[Chuck has adopted an assassin's persona]

Casey: Not bad, Bartowski.

Chuck: Who the hell is "Bartowski"?

Casey: Walker and Shaw knew you were in over your head. They went to fix dinner for your date.

Chuck: They did, huh?

Casey: Yeah. Weird huh? Walker helping you get laid.

Big Mike: I'm not gonna lie to you, boys. Bartowski is killing it with the ladies.

Lester: I know. First there was that hot girl from Stanford...

Jeff: Jill.

Lester: Yeah.

Jeff: Then the brunette with the overpriced deli...

Big Mike: Lou. She was a fine, miniature piece of woman.

Lester: And now Hannah! I'd like to moisturize her feet with my saliva.

Jeff: Don't you get it? None of them matter. Chuck may try to replace her...but when he's with Sarah, the light in his eyes shines brightly.

Big Mike: [tearing up] Damn onions.

Casey: Five people in the world can make this shot, huh? Guess I'm one of them.

Hannah: [to Chuck, after he breaks up with her] Look, I have dated a lot of liars before, so I usually know how to spot them. But you...You're, like, the best I've ever seen...I hope that your lies keep you warm at night.

Chuck Versus the Beard [3.09]

Morgan: I cannot believe I'm saying this, but you're fired.

Chuck: What? You're firing me from the Buy More?

Morgan: Buy More? No. Are you kidding me? You're the best Nerd Herder we have. I need you here. I'm firing you as my best friend!

Del: Well, it's an interesting group of employees you've put together here.

Big Mike: Oh, they scare me too. Ha ha ha.

Casey: Because the only thing I hate more than hippie, neo-liberal fascist anarchists are the hypocrite fat-cat suits they eventually grow up to become.

Morgan: So if Sarah is your handler, does that make her your beard? In other words, like...Is your whole relationship a fake? Because, ah, buddy, that's-that's just awful.

Chuck: Why, because we never had sex?

Morgan: No, I just felt like, having to be...You never had sex with that girl? That's not...No, no, it's awful you had to pretend to be in a relationship with somebody that you clearly love.

Chuck: Sarah and I are over, you know.

Morgan: No, you're not. You're a good liar, Chuck, but you're not that good, all right? You lied to me for three years but I always knew. You loved that girl. I mean, I saw the way you looked at her. We all did. It's okay, you don't have to deny it. You tell me you don't love Sarah.

Chuck: You know what, you're right buddy. I do love Sarah. I kept telling myself that I didn't. That I wouldn't, I couldn't but I do...Morgan, you have no idea how badly I needed to get all this off my chest. Thank you.

Shaw: We'll just have to put Grimes in Witness Protection. We'll move him out of Burbank tonight after dark.

Chuck: Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no. Hang on-hang on a second, Morgan is not going anywhere. Okay.

Shaw: Chuck, he knows your secret.

Chuck: Yeah well so do a lot of people. Awesome knows and we didn't put him underground.

Casey: Yeah, because Awesome's awesome and Grimes is a moron.

Shaw: It's just too dangerous. We have no reason to believe we can trust him.

Chuck: Yes, we do. We have 22 reasons why we can trust him. That's the number of years that Morgan has been my best friend. And yes he has his faults,granted, but one thing he is, is loyal. And he will never betray me or my secret.

Sarah: He's right.

Chuck: Thank you. Look, I'm flashing, I'm a spy again because I have my best friend back. You need the intersect and I need him. So Morgan Grimes is staying exactly where he belongs which is the Burbank Buy More.

Chuck Versus the Tic Tac [3.10]

[Chuck & Morgan watching Morgan's stakeout video]

Morgan: Twenty-one hundred & forty-three pm. There's a chill in the air and a hint of vanilla. [Chuck advances videotape] Man enters Casey's apartment.

Chuck: [Watching Morgan's recording and hearing a static sound] Is that static?

Morgan: Carrots, actually.

[Chuck stares at him]

Morgan: Well, I'm sorry, I get hungry on a stakeout.

Sarah: I thought you had changed.

Chuck: What do you mean?

Sarah: Look, I know that you wanna be the perfect spy and I know what it means to you and what you sacrificed to get there. But, please don't lose that guy that I met three years ago. Don't give up on the things that make you great.

Chuck: I'll always be that guy.

Colonel Keller: Tonight at 2200, Lt Alex Coburn will be killed in battle, die a hero and will be given a hero's funeral. From this point on your name is John Casey. Make it a good life soldier.

Casey: [to Chuck] I made my decision between love and love of country a long time ago, and it was the right decision for me. You have to make a decision whether that's the right one for you. Walker's a good woman. It's still not too late.

Chuck Versus the Final Exam [3.11]

Chuck: [to Casey] We gotta get you reinstated, buddy. Without a license to kill you are a menace to society.

Sarah: Morning, Chuck.

Chuck: [startled] Dah. Good, what, hi. Hi, how long...How long have you been here? Or are you really here? I...I could be asleep right now. I very well could be asleep right now. I have some of the most vivid dreams sometimes.

Sarah: Chuck, you're awake. Please sit down. Your mission has started. This is how a real agent gets missions in the field.

Chuck: Boy, you surprising them in the kitchen? That must involve a lot of travel.

Casey: You're not seriously thinking that new clothes are gonna somehow make me, less me, do you?

Big Mike: What I do know, is to get your head right, you gotta get your threads right. Now get on the box and let Clarence put some new feathers on you.

Chuck: Well, ah, I guess that makes two changed men.

Casey: What, you?

Chuck: Ya...Buddy I just passed my first solo spy test last night. This is it, I'm going to the show. I-I really wanted to tell you beforehand. I'm sorry that I didn't, but you know top secret. You understand.

Casey: You took your test last night? And you passed?

Chuck: Oh yeah. With flying colors man...And I think we both know that I have you to thank for that. So, I...I wanted to give you a little something. [Gives Casey box ]

Casey: Ah. [Casey opens box to see a gun inside]

Chuck: I don't think they are going to miss it down in Castle. Do you?

Casey: You know that giving away a government issued firearm is a felony, don't you? But it was a thoughtful felony.

Chuck: Honestly, everything is coming up roses right now. I've passed my test...Ah, you are joining the world of human beings. So proud of you! Kudos for that. And Sarah has invited me for dinner tonight, alone at Union Station. So...

Casey: You sure you're completed your test?

Chuck: Yeah. Yeah, like I said, I've passed. Celebration time now.

Casey: Okay. You just be careful out there. Ready for anything.

Chuck: A good spy always is, right?

Chuck: What does all this mean? Casey. I mean technically I failed my test.

Casey: You need to understand that for Walker, Shaw and Beckmann, you passed the test. To them, you killed Perry, doing exactly what you were trained to do.

Chuck: Yeah except that I didn't do it. You did.

Casey: Chuck, I'm a civilian. Which means technically under the law what happened tonight was a murder. No one can know the truth about that ever. Not even Sarah. She would be implicated too.

Chuck: But, all that means I'm not a real spy. I don't know who I am; don't know what I am.

Casey: I can't answer that one for you Chuck.

Chuck: Hey...Why did you do it?

Casey: Because you weren't going to. You're not a killer Chuck.

Chuck: Thanks.

Chuck Versus the American Hero [3.12]

Awesome: Morgan? Why don't you let me handle this? No offense, but I've had my fair share of ladies.

Morgan: That's because you live in a bubble. Okay? Take a look at yourself. Go ahead. It's a freakish bubble of handsomeness. Now look at me. No bubble, no bubble. I've gotta be completely verbal.

Morgan: We know exactly what you look like, Shaw. Six foot two, 220, raven-black hair. Very attractive.

Jeff: [Jeffster have been following Shaw's meeting with the ring] Stalkers log, Stalkee is behind a gray van, with another male, possibly for a sexual encounter. Both men are physically fit, should be lively.

Lester: Jeffrey. Don't make me afraid to be alone with you.

Chuck: Look, I don't want to pester you, Sarah uh, or become some-some nuisance that you can't avoid. I've- I've seen Morgan go down that road far too many times to count. And since I've already given the fancy, eloquent version of this speech before, right now I'm just gonna be blunt and honest. I love you. One more time just because it feels really nice to say, I love you. I feel like I've been bottling this up forever. I love you.

Sarah: Chuck, you don't have...

Chuck: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm-I'm getting out of hand, but, look, you were right in Prague. You and I, we're perfect for each other and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Casey: I just wanted to come by and tell you something about Bartowski.

Sarah: Well, if you came to plead his case, then that's really not necessary.

Casey: No he didn't send me. He doesn't know I'm here. I just wanted to tell you something in case it changed anything. He didn't kill the mole.

Sarah: What?

Casey: I did. He didn't have the stones to pull the trigger. Kid's not a killer. He's just not wired that way; unlike us. Just thought you should know.

Chuck Versus the Other Guy [3.13]

Sarah: Thank you for saving me. I appreciated the tank.

Chuck: She said she couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in her. Well, I believed in her. I just didn't believe in me.

Morgan: Dude, you are misquoting the line! And you are ruining Pretty in Pink for me!

Chuck: But earlier on in my...drunken haze...I realized that I hadn't asked you a...a question. A really important question that I'd like to ask you now if that's okay. Just once for the record...Sarah, do you love me?

[Long pause]

Chuck: Wow. I'm, uh, I'm in my underwear. I'm sitting in my underwear holding a plastic guitar. There's a very good chance I'm making a complete fool of myself, isn't there?

Sarah: Yes.

Chuck: I should probably put some pants on.

Sarah: No, Chuck...Yes.

Chuck: What?...Uh, what?

Sarah: Chuck, I fell for you a long long time ago. After you fixed my phone, and before you started defusing bombs with computer viruses. So, yes. [chuckles] Yes.

Chuck: Wait, wait...What about my Red Test?

Sarah: Casey told me. He told me that he killed the mole because you couldn't do it. And it was the best news I've ever heard. It means you haven't changed. You're still Chuck...you're still my Chuck.

Chuck: So now they're in Paris, Sarah and Shaw, and Shaw, this time for real, he's working for the ring. Now I know, I know that you can't help me anymore, I-I know all that, but Sarah is gonna die without us. I can't do this alone.

Casey: But I can't help you anymore. I'm not a spy.

Chuck: But you are a spy! You're the ultimate spy!

Morgan: Was...Chuck was, but the man's been Buy More'd. That right. You've deluded yourself into thinking Buy More is your life. Wake up John, Okay? Because we need you to get on this plane, Chuck needs you to get on this plane. If not, that's cool. You know, find yourself on Friday night with Jeff and Lester's crew hanging out in Woodland Hills. I know this because I was that guy. But Chuck and Sarah and you, Casey, you showed me that I could be so much more. I'm meant for something, to be a spy. What about you? What do you have left in the tank? What do you want to be when you grow...[Casey slams Morgan into a wall]

Casey: Morgan go to my closet and get me my suit. The black one.

Sarah: Shut up and kiss me.

Chuck Versus the Honeymooners [3.14]

Chuck: Man pastries for breakfast every morning, Europe is genius!

Morgan: Let's cut the man some slack, he's got the world's fate resting in his hands.

Casey: Oh, I'd say he's got something else resting in his hands.

Morgan: What do you mean?

Casey: Chuck's off the grid with Walker. Do the math Grimes.

[Morgan stares blankly]

Casey: He's going to need a walker when Walker's through with him.

[Morgan still doesn't understand]

Casey: They're having intercourse idiot.

Lester: Jeffrey, you blew the amp. Don't you know it's not the size of the instrument that matters, but how much and how long and how often your mother catches you playing?

General Beckmann: You're part in this little impromptu mission is over. I'll arrange for Arnoldo to be picked up by a different Interpol team. Try not to physically assault them.

Chuck: General just so you know, we didn't hit them, or assault them in any way. There was no physical altercation, we just dosed them with pharmaceutical grade narcotics.

General Beckmann: Agent Bartowski.

Chuck: You're right that's not making it better.

Sarah: How's she taking it?

Chuck: Really good I think, yeah.

Chuck: I can't hit a girl!

Sarah: I can!

Sarah: General. Chuck and I are dating! Exclusively.

General Beckmann: I must caution you, that allowing your private life to interfere with your professional one can be dangerous. But off the record. It's about damn time.

Chuck: This is gonna be your favorite song. [plays "Feeling Good" by Nina Simone]

Chuck Versus the Role Models [3.15]

Mr. Turner: Dear God, it's us 30 years ago.

Chuck: Look, Sarah. It's us in 30 years.

Morgan: If you ask me, this whole G man gig is starting to be a real snore. You know? When do I get to hurt on some terrorists?

Casey: Whatever you think you know about being a spy. You're wrong.

Morgan: Oww.

Casey: You're a child, your a liability to the team and you're not doing anything until you've been properly trained. Understood.

Morgan: Wait a minute, does that mean?

Casey: I can't believe I'm going to say this.

Morgan: I'm going to Langley.

Casey: You're not going anywhere. Jackass. I can teach you everything you need to know right here in the store. C'mon.

Chuck: No! No, that's not a tranq gun. I am not letting you shoot a tiger. They are endangered and majestic.

Chuck: No guns, no flash. Honey, darling, you mind telling me what you've done with our small cache of weapons?

Sarah: I got rid of them, sweetheart.

Chuck: You actually listened to me?

Sarah: I can't quite believe it myself.

Chuck: What have you done with the gun you had at the hotel?

Sarah: I left them in the car.

Chuck: Why would you do that?!

Sarah: Because you told me to!

Morgan: Please tell me that Chuck is joking about them sending me to boot camp. They're going to make me shave my beard.

Casey: Relax. You passed.

Morgan: Huh? I failed every test.

Casey: Yes flying colors. You have got to be hands down, bar none the worst candidate I've ever trained. But you got one thing going for you. You got balls.

Morgan: I do?

Casey: How many marines do you know go up against a Bengal tiger unarmed? You have to be a complete idiot.

Morgan: Well, that's the thing. You know, that's, uh, that's me in a nutshell...

Chuck Versus the Tooth [3.16]

Lester: I'm just gonna say it: I need a woman. It's been far too long, Jeffrey. A man has needs.

Jeff: So what's the plan?

Lester: I will be hitting on all the applicable women in Electronics, DVDs, and all around the entrances, and the emergency exits.

Jeff: You're leaving me Home Appliances? It's full of lumpy housewives. My favorite.

Lester: You're welcome.

Lester: Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this--I don't really--but Morgan is in, a, umm...a very bad place.

Anna: Oh, my God, is he okay?

Jeff: No. He's focused, responsible, driven. Pains me to see a man end up like that.

Lester: It's pathetic.

Chuck: God, I can't believe this is happening.

Dr. Leo Dreyfus: It's happening, Chuck. Disturbing as it may be, you're currently a patient in a psychiatric institution. Best come to terms with that sooner than later.

Chuck: Wow. You really know how to make a guy feel better about his situation, Doc.

Sarah: No you don't understand. He is not like other people. He is...incredibly special.

Dr. Leo Dreyfus: Especially to you, I gather.

Sarah: He needs to be okay. I-I need him to be okay. I'd like to go to the hospital tonight to talk to him. Try to figure this out. Help him somehow, you know?...Please, I love him.

Dr. Leo Dreyfus: Ever tell him that?

Sarah: Please Doctor, I am begging you.

Dr. Leo Dreyfus: You're not the only one. [John Casey appears]

Sarah: I love you. It shouldn't have taken me this long to say it but I've never felt this way. Before you the only future that I could think about was my next mission. And now all I can think about is a future with you. I love you, Chuck.

Chuck: [relieved] I love you too.

Chuck Versus the Living Dead [3.17]

Casey: Hey, you seen Grimes?

Lester: Lost your friend, did you? Can't find him 'cause he's changed so much? But you can't help but think about the days you guys used to drink together and hold each other for hours and hours just talking about even the silliest little things. Those days are no more.

[Stephen throws a knife at Chuck to prove he's the Intersect and Chuck catches it]

Stephen: I knew it! You downloaded the Intersect 2.0.

Chuck: You threw a knife at my face!

Stephen: Why would you do that, after I worked so hard to get the first one out?

Chuck: Dad! Knife! Face! What if you were wrong?!

Stephen: I'm never wrong.

Stephen: [after the fight, about Sarah's skills] Does she have the Intersect, too?

Chuck: No, Dad. That's all her.

Morgan: I talked to Captain Awesome.

Casey: And?

Morgan: If he'd have me, I'd let him.

Chuck: [voice-over] My name is Chuck Bartowski, and if you're reading this, it means I'm already dead. I don't know what will end up killing me but I've chosen to be a spy, and there are consequences to that. It may be my emotions that end up doing me in or a slip-up, trying to protect my friends. Or my family, who never wanted me to be a part of this. Or it could be the thing I never saw coming, but I know it's coming.

Chuck Versus the Subway [3.18]

Ellie: Morgan Grimes, the boy who took my pillow as his date to the junior prom, knows more about my family being spies than I do.

Sarah: You wanted to see me. Sir.

Shaw: I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you you look great, Walker. Love suits you I guess.

General Beckman: As much as it pains me to admit, you are our only hope. You are our only hope. [gets dragged out]

Awesome: [to Morgan] Dude, did she mean you or me?

Justin: Shaw, Bartowski's infiltrated the base.

Shaw: Of course he did. [to Sarah] Why won't your boyfriend ever think with an organ besides his heart?

Justin: No, sir, not this one. Bartowski and his father found the other base, the Ring base. Triggered the silent alarm.

Shaw: Dammit!

Casey: I don't know when it happened but our boy became a man. Bartowski's a spy. You picked a good one, Walker. Finally.

[After Daniel Shaw and other Ring agents apprehend Chuck and his father Stephen, Shaw steals the Governor]

Chuck: I don't need a watch to beat you, Shaw. Come on, aren't you a little curious? I know I am. Don't you wanna know how your intersect stacks up against mine?

Shaw: You're right, Chuck. The fight will be incredible. We're totally equal now. Nothing separates us... Though, there's one thing that is different. You can't function when your emotions have been compromised.

Chuck: Don't worry about that. I've never been more calm.

Shaw: Really? How are you feeling now? [takes out his gun and fatally shoots Stephen]

Chuck Versus the Ring: Part II [3.19]

Awesome: What are we doing? We don't have a plan!

Morgan: No plan? Never stopped me before.

Casey: [as Ellie and Chuck drive away] Hm. Two Bartowskis. Double the fun.

Lester: [after Jeff picks up phone for no reason] The phone did not ring, Jeffrey.

Shaw: No Gun. Very brave, Chuck. So what's happening?

Chuck: You're under arrest.

Shaw: No, what are you doing here? What's your plan?

Chuck: I'm sorry. Are you asking me to make the classic villain mistake of explaining my dastardly plot to you? You know what? I'd love to. I confess we had no idea who the Elders were or how to I.D. them so we let you do that for us, when you warned them to leave the theater. So on the behalf of the NSA, the CIA and of course your local Buy More, I'd just like to say thanks a lot.

Big Mike: [about Jeff and Lester] Sweet Lord, they did it. They actually did it. Those crazy nerds blew up the freaking Buy More!

Season 4

Chuck Versus the Anniversary [4.01]

Chuck: [while Sarah is about to leaving for a mission] What am I, what do I say? What do we...?

Sarah: I love you.

Chuck: That's good. I love you. I like that. I love you, too. Be safe, okay?

Sarah: Nothing is gonna keep me from coming back to you.

Chuck: Better not.

Sarah: Well, he made a promise to his sister. Chuck doesn't want to be a spy and have to lie about it too.

Casey: Your boyfriend needs big boy pants. He's a spy. He's good at it.

Sarah: I know, Casey. You miss him too.

Casey: What? I don't miss him.

Sarah: You ever been in a long distance relationship?

Casey: No. I either leave or they die.

Chuck: [over the radio] Look, clearly you have no idea who I am since you only sent ten of your men to take care of me. So let me break it down for you: if you touch a hair on Sarah's head, I will do to you what I've just done to your men. Do you understand? I'm coming down there now.

Morgan: I get it, I know. You promised her you weren't gonna be a spy, you know? So she clearly cannot know about our little rogue spy team that we're gonna start here outside of the government, secret to the spy world, team of two, army of one, highway to the danger zone, live free or die hard...

Chuck: Buddy?

Morgan: Yeah.

Chuck: This is not the opening of a TV show. This is real life.

Chuck Versus the Suitcase [4.02]

Chuck: [As Sarah is defusing a bomb] Sarah, listen, I cannot die without you knowing that I accept you for who you are. Your weird unpacking habits, it doesn't matter to me. Nothing matters. I still love you.

Sarah: You still love me?

Chuck: Sorry, what? What? Did I? Those weren't the best last words, were they?

General Beckman: One of our agents was killed in Milan last night while he was tracking this woman: Sofia Stepanova. [Beckman flashes photos of a scantily clad Stepanova]

Chuck: Heyo. Who do we have taking our surveillance pics? Because those are tremendous! Can you see the way...

[Sarah gives him a look]

Chuck: What? No, no, no, no, I'm just saying, clearly...is she in a bathing suit? I didn't even notice that the first time.

General Beckman: We can all acknowledge that Ms. Stepanova is quite...fetching.

General Beckman: Colonel Casey, after the Yves St. Laurent incident, you will obviously have to sit this one out.

Casey: [quietly to himself] Stab one guy with a stilleto...

Jeff: [Casey hits him with a tranq dart] I think my water just broke.

Sarah: You're my home, Chuck. You always have been.

Chuck Versus the Cubic Z [4.03]

Sarah: Chuck, unless you want Beckman to know that we're looking for your mom, we don't have the authority to interrogate Chandler.

Chuck: Well, we don't have the authority to use the supply closet for what it is we use it for, but we do it anyway, don't we? She knows my mom.

Sarah: Fine, but you can't just whip questions out to somebody like Heather Chandler. It's not gonna work. This needs to be a real interrogation.

Chuck: Good cop, bad cop.

Sarah: How about tough cop, silent cop?

Chuck: Okie dokie, which one am I?

Morgan: I just want you to know that I'm really sorry about the ring.

Big Mike: Marriage isn't about a ring. It's a lifelong commitment of compassion and understanding. Especially for your spouse's idiot relations. All is forgiven.

Heather: Maybe you're right. Maybe we aren't alike at all. Maybe you are capable of love, affection and vulnerability. I hope so. Chuck seems like a really nice guy. And he's really in love. Are you?

Sarah: Goodbye, Heather.

Sarah: The other night, when you repeated what Awesome said about us being next having kids. It scared me.

Chuck: Okay.

Sarah: And I wanted to tell you earlier but, um, I didn't. And I've thinking about it all day long.

Chuck: And Heather kept poking the topic with a needle. You're nothing like her.

Sarah: For a long time, I was exactly like her. And it took me a night in the guts of the building to realize that I'm not anymore. At all. And I don't want to be. But I do need to take things slow.

Chuck: I'm not ready for parenthood either. One day, hopefully. But not now. Not yet, anyway. Who are we kidding? I'm barely on solid food myself.

Machine: Hello, Colonel Casey. Welcome to the new Castle override mainframe. How can I help you today?

Casey: You gotta be kidding me.

Machine: I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

Casey: Location of fire emergency override.

Machine: Did you say "hire nursery overhige"?

Casey: Why would I say "overhige", it's not even a real word!

Chuck: You tell me "ready or not ready".

Sarah: Okay.

Chuck: We're on a trip. One of us forgets our toothbrush. Do we share?

Sarah: I am ready to share your toothbrush.

Chuck: Oh, oh, using the bathroom. Door open or shut?

Sarah: Door shut! Always.

Chuck: Preferably with the sink running or the radio on.

Sarah: Yes.

Chuck Versus the Coup D'etat [4.04]

Chuck: [Sarah's calling Casey] He did just get shot in the leg, and is resting up. So he probably won't be available.

Casey: Casey. What do you need?

Sarah: A little bored, Casey?

Casey: Dear God, give me something to do!

Chuck: We are crap communicators.

Sarah: What?

Chuck: Why are we so afraid to talk about the whole ring thing, you know? I mean we're in love, you wear your teeth-bleaching system in front of me... We should be able to talk, no?

Chuck: Well, in the meantime, let's keep going with the questions, heh? What are five words you'd use to describe your partner?

Sarah: Brunette... Tall...

Chuck: Mmmmkay, yeah, good, close. But what about like charming, terminally handsome, incredibly intelligent...

Chuck: So, where were we on the conversations?

Sarah: Personal time.

Chuck: Oh yes, yes. Morgan is going to need at least five hours of my time every week for Halo purposes.

Sarah: And I need thirty minutes of complete silence before sleep.

Chuck: Which is going to be a challenge with my cuddling needs.

Sarah: Are you awake? Can you hear me, Chuck? I love you, Chuck. Nothing's ever going to change that. And if you asked me for real, my answer would be "yes."

Chuck Versus the Couch Lock [4.05]

Chuck: I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt. If this thing goes off so, I want you to go. Now, please. Save yourself.

Sarah: OK, you know what? You could have told me that before I climbed under those lasers.

Chuck: I.. What I was... I...

Sarah: Chuck, you are being ridiculous! C'mon! Even for a man that is trying to free himself from high-tech explosives. Casey and I know the risk but of course we are gonna help you. This is your mom.

Chuck: I love you, you know that? And... And I'd say that even if you weren't in the process of saving my life right now. Which, does by the way, make you about 20-25% sexier in my book. All right, 50.

Chuck: [About Alex] Still haven't told Casey yet, huh?

Morgan: No.

Chuck: Well, be careful how you break the news to him. He might kill you accidentally.

Casey: [Calling the Buy More] Casey. Code red. I've been drugged. Don't know how long I can stay conscious. Need extraction. In an alley. 4th and Hill. I'll be in a dumpster.

Jeff: Don't worry, Casey. I know that dumpster!

Casey: Wait! Who is this? Where's Chuck?

Jeff: We're on our way! [into the PA system] Lester! Nerd Herd emergency. Man down! Meet me at the Herder.

Casey: [to Morgan about Alex] You break her heart, I break your everything.

Sarah: Is this the part where I'm supposed to ask you what you're thinking about?

Chuck: My mom. I thought she was a prisoner that needed to be saved, and...then I come to find out she's just one of the bad guys.

Sarah: Chuck, we don't know what side your mom is on.

Chuck: Maybe not. But there's one thing I do know. In order to find the one person who...left me, I've endangered the lives of everyone who would never leave me. Morgan, Casey, you. I'm gonna stop looking for my mom.

Sarah: No. Chuck...

Chuck: No, it's okay. I thought I had to bring my family back together, but I don't. You guys, Awesome, Ellie, you're my family. I love you.

Sarah: I love you. I'll see you inside.

Chuck: Yeah.

[Sarah goes inside; Chuck's phone rings and he answers it]

Chuck: Hello.

Mary: Hello, Chuck. It's your mother.

Chuck Versus the Aisle of Terror [4.06]

Sarah: What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Chuck: I just talked to one. That was my mom.

Mary: [Sarah and Mary have their guns pointed at each other] You brought someone. I told you to come alone.

Chuck: No, no,no, no. Technically not just someone, my girlfriend - Sarah. Sarah this is my mom - Mary. I don't know how to say this exactly, but please don't kill each other.

Lester: Um, listen, we have a few questions regarding these Halloween decorations. Um, What are we allowed to show?

Morgan: What do you mean?

Jeff: I know a really good morgue that gives discounts on unclaimed merchandise. May-be we could sprickle some cold dead ones in here.

Morgan: Right, I'm gonna say no on the the dead bodies.

Jeff: So, what, I just lose my deposit?

Chuck: [Mary is driving nearly 100 mph and aiming her gun at him] Mom? You hit one pot-hole and this ride gets very messy very quick.

Casey: Chuck, how'd you get here?

Chuck: My mom dropped me off.

Chuck Versus the First Fight [4.07]

Morgan: [to Sarah] We all know there is a heart of gold underneath this cold exterior... [he places his hand over her heart]

Sarah: Morgan, please don't touch my chest.

Sarah: [about Tuttle (Volkoff)] You know, you only just met him and he knows everything about us! How do you know you can trust him?

Chuck: Oh, oh! That's right. I totally forgot. You can't believe in anyone unless Beckman tells you to.

Sarah: Oh, that is not fair!

Morgan: You know, a couple's first fight actually sets the tone for all future arguments. Trust me, I'm going through it right now myself.

Chuck: You and Alex?

Morgan: No, me and Casey, actually.

Chuck: Listen, I was just waiting until I calmed down a little bit. Okay? It's our first real fight as a couple, and everyone knows that sets the tone for all future fights.

Sarah: Oh, you're going to set the precedent by telling everybody what you're thinking and feeling before me?

Chuck: See, that just makes it sound bad.

Chuck: Buddy, I need your help on a super top secret mission.

Morgan: Do I get to parachute out of a plane on a wild horse?

Chuck: No, you do not. Because nobody... ever does. But you do get to wear an earpiece.

Morgan: Sold!

Chuck Versus the Fear of Death [4.08]

Sarah: Any luck with the....

Chuck: Tests? You'd have heard. By that I mean you would have heard my giant sigh of relief. Even in Moscow.

Sarah: You'll get it back soon enough.

Casey: When? What's the timeline?

Chuck: I'm hoping very soon.

Casey: I haven't been on a mission in a month. I wake up with my trigger finger twitching. It's itchy. Literally it itches.

Rye: Well, I don't believe that the psychological rock can be hoisted off the Intersect by watching kittens play with yarn. My method is - physical, psychological, painful, brutal.

Chuck: Brutal? Can't wait to get started.

Rye: Chuck, if you're serious about restoring the Intersect, then I promise you, at the end of this process, you will be a spy again. What do you say? You with me?

Chuck: Let's get physical.

Chuck: Do you really think that Sarah is the emotional rock that is sitting on the Intersect?

Rye: Why do you always call for her right before you flash? You did it in the bedroom and in the vault.

Chuck: Yeah, well you know....

Rye: Scared! Perfectly normal for a Nerd Herder. But a spy, Chuck, handles his fear on his own.

Chuck: Or her own.

Rye: Ask yourself a question. Are you a spy? Or are you a guy with a spy girlfriend?

Chuck: I'm a spy!

Beckman: Bartowski and Rye, Capture the Belgium and recover the fake stones. Until we know whats really on those microdots this is code red and could likely to get very ugly.

Sarah: General, at this point I feel it is essential I go with Chuck and Agent Rye to Switzerland.

Chuck: I think Sarah should let us handle this seeing how we have determined this is the only way I will get the Intersect back working.

Sarah: Chuck. We are talking about real danger now.

Chuck: I'm sorry, I can only handle fake danger?

Sarah: I know the Intersect is important but so far none of Agent Rye's therapies have work. The microdot contains highly sensitive information that the wrong people will kill for.

Chuck: Well I can take care of these wrong people without you holding my hand.

Sarah: Why? It doesn't make sense to risk your life.

Chuck: Because this is what I do. I am a spy.

Sarah: No. Chuck you're not...... Not right now.

Chuck Versus Phase Three [4.09]

Casey: Walker.. A word please.

Sarah: Can it wait?

Casey: No.

Sarah: He's not talking... and he's a smirker.

Casey: You know just because I helped you bring him here doesn't mean I'm giving you free reign. You need to cool down. Get some rest.

Sarah: I'm not going anywhere.

Casey: I was wrong about you. You're not acting like a worried girlfriend. No, you're acting like a spy I used to know. Before Chuck. Langston Graham's "wild card enforcer." I didn't like that Sarah Walker. You know why? Because she was unpredictable. Now you're going to go home. I insist.

Sarah: Feel like talking yet?

Chanarong: An American agent in a government facility would never use any of that. I'm not afraid.

Sarah: You're right. Normally I wouldn't threaten the subject with death by ammonia injection. Burning somebody from the inside out? Doesn't sound like something that's in the Geneva Convention does it? But this man I'm looking for? He loves me. He wants to marry me.

Chanarong: I see. It's amazing what a woman will do to find a husband. Even the toughest spies in the world are just racing against that biological clock. Tick, tick, tick, tock.

Sarah: You got me. I'm just a needy love crazed girl on a husband hunt. [she jams the needle in Chanarong's neck] Who's trained in over 200 ways to kill you. Afraid yet?

Sarah: [to Casey] You're right. I'm different without Chuck. And I don't like it.

Sarah: How did you find me?

Morgan: Half of Thailand's talking about the giant blond she-male tearing through their town. Are you kidding me? But it's okay now, Casey and I are here.

Casey: Walker. What are you doing here? All alone. This place is nothing but scoundrels, assassins and warlords. The scum of the earth.

Local Waitress: Arr Mr Casey. Your usual?

Casey: [Takes gun off Morgan] You are not getting bullets for a long, long time.

Chuck Versus the Leftovers [4.10]

Chuck: [as Morgan brings him to pole dancing] Morgan, what sort of hand-to-hand combat did you sign us up for?

Morgan: Strip-kick. Yeah, it mixes the self-defense of krav maga with the intense core workout of pole dancing. I saw an infomercial on it.

Mary: [saving Chuck and Sarah from Volkoff's assassins] Come with me if you want to live.

Mary: Charles is my son.

Volkoff: [pointing a gun at Chuck's head] Really?

Mary: Really.

Volkoff: [to Sarah] Really?

Sarah: Really.

Volkoff: [to Chuck] Really?

Chuck: Really!

Volkoff: So. A son and a daughter. You didn't think I could have a relationship with your family? Kids love me!

Mary: We've had a our dinner, you met the family, we're leaving.

Volkoff: But what sort of potential father-in-law would I be if I didn't set an example. Chuck has to learn... you make a threat you have to follow through with it. [Volkoff cocks pistol] I didn't have to do that but I just really like the sound.

Mary: Alexei stop. [points her gun at Volkoff]

Volkoff: My love, what are you doing?

Mary: This is exactly why I didn't tell you about my family. You don't know how to love someone, you only know how to control them. But you should know that I could never love a man that could do anything to hurt my son. So drop it. [Volkoff lowers gun]

Mary: Alexei, you know I am loyal to you. But I will not return with you until you promise me that my family and their friends remain safe. And if they don't, I will end you.

Volkoff: You see. That is a real threat.[Volkoff walks away]

Mary: Chuck. I'm sorry for everything. I hope some day you will trust me.

Chuck: Mom... I already do.

Chuck Versus the Balcony [4.11]

Chuck: Forget it buddy, can't really do anything with Casey being well, Casey.

Morgan: Chuck! Bubuleh! Casey is your man-servant, let him man-serve you.

[Sarah ambushes Morgan in his office]

Sarah: Hi Morgan.

Morgan: Oh, Sarah..man...

Sarah: We need to have a conversation.

Morgan: Holy hell Sarah! You just scared me to death! I thought you could've been somebody deadly.

Sarah: I am somebody deadly. And I know everything. The balcony, The moonlight. Does that ring a bell?

Morgan: Okay, these bearded lips are staying shut. I know nothing.

Sarah: Chuck is planning to propose at the Chateau and I want your intel.

Morgan: Okay. Don't you want to be surprised?

Sarah: I'm a spy. I hate surprises.

Morgan: Okay. Chuck told me about your parent's proposal. I'm sorry, it will be better than that.

Sarah: Oh God. I never should have told him that stupid story.

Morgan: Probably not, probably not. But you did, and it's the whole reason we called off our restaurant proposal...

Sarah: What? Wait. Chuck was planning on proposing at the restaurant?

Morgan: What's wrong with me? I cannot keep my mouth shut.

Sarah: No. No. It's good. It's good that you told me.

Morgan: Look Sarah. The whole reason Chuck is doing this proposal is to wipe the slate clean. Alright? It's all for you. And it's going to be amazing. It's going to be romantic. It's going to be everything you want.

Sarah: Okay. I am taking control of this operation. Morgan, you are now working for me.

Morgan: Okay. Kind of like a double agent.

Sarah: Exactly. We are going to make this proposal happen for Chuck's sake.

Morgan: Yeah.

Sarah: And for mine.

Casey: [giving Chuck some fatherly advice] You know , I proposed once....To Kathleen....We had plans to go to Niagara Falls...I was about to ship out...we were young...I was stupid and things got screwed up so I ended up proposing in a Buffalo bus station. Not exactly the most romantic spot in the world, but I’ll always have that day, I’ll always have that look on her face. Now the truth is there no such thing as the perfect moment, or a perfect spot, so forget about the balcony Bartowski. All you need is the girl!

Chuck: [to Sarah, after Casey's pep talk] I don't need a balcony and I don't need a sunset. We have each other and that is all that matters.

Chuck Versus the Gobbler [4.12]

Volkoff: Sarah, we’re going to have you break out Yuri the Gobbler. Don’t ask why he’s called that… It’s because he eats people! Basically, it’s a suicide mission.

Sarah: I love a good suicide mission.

Volkoff: Me too!

Chuck: Sarah! Sarah. look I know you have to go...

Sarah: [she kisses him deeply and passionately] I missed you too Chuck.

Chuck: Wow. It's kind of like I'm cheating on you with you right now.

Sarah: Goodbye. Call me on the secure line with the plan.

Chuck: Got it. See you in prison!

Chuck: [about his secret way of communicating with Sarah] Right now, she's telling me she loves me. Or she's buying a Buick...I can't really tell.

Morgan: I happen to be very good at the quick-look-at-your-phone-when-you-get-a-text-but-you-didn’t know-I-looked look.

Awesome: [about Ellie's proposed name for their baby] Grunka?!

Chuck: I can't believe she's gonna name her Grunka.

Awesome: Dude!

Chuck: Dude!

Awesome: Dude.

Chuck: Dude!

Awesome: We can't.

Chuck: You can't.

Awesome: Grunka isn’t what you name your beautiful baby girl, it’s what you name...(referring to the other Buy More employees) these people."

Chuck Versus the Push Mix [4.13]

Chuck: You know my dad... he taught me a lot of things. Like looks can be deceiving.

[Casey reveals to Armand that he faked his death by unplugging his heart monitor. Then he knocks out Armand with a bonsai]

Chuck: Fight for your family.

[Sarah ambushes Volkoff's guards and disables one with a throwing knife]

Sarah: Mary, quick! [They escape after a brief gun fight]

Chuck: And of course never use a gun— [Volkoff fires the pistol but it is empty] —unless you absolutely have to. I probably should have told you I have this thing about bullets. I was never going to kill you Alexi. But then I am my father's son, aren't I?

Lester: This baby needs a performance, delivery room style. This baby needs...Jeffster!

Lester: Ew...pregnant women.

Jeff: Ooh...pregnant women.

Chuck: [After Morgan comes rushing to Chuck to tell about the birth of Clara] General, General, can we borrow a van?

General Beckman: Agent Bartowski, you just arrested Alexei Volkoff and obtained the Hydra Network we have spent the last 20 years searching for. Lieutenant, get this man a chopper.

Awesome: Listen, I've got to run. I still need to find someone to make Ellie's placenta into vitamin pills.

Chuck: Huh, I need to un-hear that. How do I un-hear that?

Chuck Versus the Seduction Impossible [4.14]

Sarah: I would like for the record to show that I will not at any point of this mission be dressing as a belly dancer.

Sarah: Chuck, if we get caught because you sneeze, we are officially the worst spies in the world.

Chuck: I know, bad Three Stooges. I get it and I won't. But man it is dusty!

Roan: So, last I saw you two, you were a young exciting couple, chasing, flirting. Now the silent treatment. Sexy.

Chuck: If you must know, we are very much in love, happy and soon to be married. Just having a bit of a disagreement right now and the ball and chain isn't helping.

Sarah: Are you calling me a ball and chain?

Chuck: There is a ball and ch... There is an actual ball and chain here. Do you not see this? On the ground attached to my leg? Ball and chain.

Sarah: Yes. What's with all the 'no's lately anyway?

Chuck: I may have been a little obstinate before.

Roan: Okay, let me guess, this is about something bigger. Performance issues?

Chuck: No! I am adequate. More than adequate in that depart... [to Sarah] Right? You can't agree. I... Sarah I don't want to elope. I just don't, not at all, not even the slightest bit. I always wanted a big family wedding and now more than ever so no. My answer to eloping is no.

Sarah: Okay, fine I hear what you're saying. But why do you get to say no? What about what I want?

Chuck: Beckman was a dirty blonde?

Roan: It was the eighties, everything was dirty blonde.

Roan: Why did you hunt me down?

Beckman: Roan, you never run away from a General.

Chuck Versus the Cat Squad [4.15]

Narrator: [opening sequence] They say it's a personality thing, but to me, a martini's got gin, not vodka. Some folks like chocolate. I'll take vanilla. I say baseball over football. And to me, man's best friend doesn't bark or catch a ball. See, personally, I like cats. Meet my Clandestine Attack Team. Better known as the CAT Squad. Me-ow. They were the best spy team in the business. The year... 2003. The girls... Cold-hearted Carina. [Carina shoots a man] Zondra, the bitch! [Zondra fights a number of men] Amy-- the party girl. [Amy defends herself from an attacker at a party] And... my pride and joy... Sarah Walker. [Sarah kicks a man and holds him at knifepoint] Go get 'em, cats!

[Smash cut to a chuckling Morgan, revealing the entire sequence to be in his imagination]

Morgan: Your description of C.A.T. Squad has sent me into fantasy land.

Chuck: I don't want to know what goes on there.

Morgan: [about Carina] I cannot be alone with that woman. She wants me. Badly. John, she desires my physical person!

Casey: And I'm hunting unicorns.

Sarah: [to Amy as the squad blocks her escape] Going somewhere, pussy?

Narrator: [closing voice-over, in reference to Ellie] Aw, who says cats can't play nice? You never know, maybe we'll add another member to this squad.

[Chuck watches from a distance and slowly smiles]

Chuck Versus the Masquerade [4.16]

[Morgan is moving out]

Chuck: Where ya gonna go?

Morgan: I don't know. I gotta finish packing up and then I'm gonna head out that door dude, and I'm just gonna open myself up to the universe.

Chuck: So, moving to your mom's?

Morgan: Yeah. Yeah, pretty much straight over.

[Team Bartowski has infiltrated a masquerade party}

Chuck: Could be that, or it's a sex-crazed orgy party, where they don't let you see their faces or know their secrets.

Sarah: No, no. I've been to those kinds of parties and it doesn't look anything like this.

Chuck: What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! Really?

Big Mike: What happened to you two? You smell like vomit and Cheerios.

Ellie: We had a baby.

Chuck Versus the First Bank of Evil [4.17]

[Sarah and Chuck are robbing the First Bank of Macau as a diversion for Vivian]

Chuck: Having fun?

Sarah: A little.

Chuck: Kinda takes your mind off the whole wedding thing doesn't it?

Sarah: Actually it hasn't been so bad. I took you up on your advice and I found a dress.

Chuck: Hey!

Sarah: Ellie was right when I put it on it felt like magic. [to a bank patron] Get down on the ground before I blow your freaking head off!

Chuck: I'm so glad you found a dress. That's awesome and I bet you look gorgeous in it. [to a teller] Don't be a hero my friend! I will break your face!

Chuck: [after hearing Sarah make several outrageous demands for the wedding] What the heck was that?

Ellie: I think I created a monster.

Chuck: Yeah, well... 'Cause I work... I work... I work at the Buy More, and that stuff sounds kind of pricey.

Ellie: Maybe you could just pick up a few extra shifts... Or rob a bank.

Chuck: [having just robbed a bank] Ha! You...

Casey: Grimes. Are you leveraging me, to stay in my apartment?

Morgan: I don't ah. Am I? Let's say I was. Is it working?

Casey: Okay. You can stay at my place as long as you keep quiet. Don't tell anyone, especially Bartowski.

Morgan: Oh God Casey, you have no idea what this means to me. Come here.

Casey: Don't get too excited, I'm keeping you close to make sure you keep your mouth shut. Because if you don't, I know where you live.

Chuck Versus the A-Team [4.18]

Chuck: [to Noble and Dunwoody] So, are you guys a couple or something?

Rick Noble: Don't be ridiculous.

Victoria Dunwoody: It's against agency protocol.

Noble: Romantic entanglements lead to lapses in judgment.

Dunwoody: [to Chuck and Sarah] You ought to know.

Ellie: The problem is, I only have one test subject, so in order to control my experiment, we're going have to have a second baby. [Devon freezes] Joking.

Sarah: If the Turk's dog is behind that door, so is the Turk!

Chuck: All we gotta do is break through four inches of steel.

Sarah: Or we chop off Casey's hand.

Chuck: [shocked] Let's keep that as our backup plan, shall we?

Chuck: [outside Morgan and Casey's shared apartment] Let me in!

Morgan: Over my dead body Chuck.

Sarah: [breaking in through the ceiling] How about over your tranqed body?

Morgan: You were distracting me so she could break in.

Chuck: Yeah.

Morgan: Clever girl. You using the five millimeter darts?

Sarah: Ten.

Morgan: Please tell Casey I put up a good fight! [Sarah tranquilizes him]

Awesome: You're not "just" anything, Ellie.

Ellie: Really?

Awesome: You're Mrs. Awesome.

Chuck Versus the Muuurder [4.19]

Ellie: My dad's work is so amazing. I've never seen such creative use of neuroplasticity before. His mind is incredible!

Awesome: That's probably where Clara gets it. She said "arthroscopic" yesterday.

Ellie: Honey, if Clara can say "arthroscopic" she needs to stop pooping her pants.

General Beckman: This time our search will be led my the only man who knows what it's really like being an Intersect. Chuck, we need you to find more Chucks.

Chuck: [nearly gloating] Well it's gonna be tough. Broke the mold, et cetera.

Morgan: [to Damien] Charlton Heston sci-fi question for you. What's cooler: Soylent Green or Omega Man?

Damien: Trick question. POTA.

Morgan: [whispering] Wow!

[Chuck nods his head in approval]

Morgan: [to Josie] Favorite Bond: Connery excluded?

Josie: I have no opinion about any of this. Why do men care so much about these things? Nothing you're asking me matters at all. [Bentley nods her head in approval]

Morgan: [whispering to a confused Chuck] What on earth is she talking about?

Morgan: [to Brody] Most important graphic novelist: Grant Morrison or Moore/Gibbons?

Brody: Kind of a Brian Vaughan man, myself.

Chuck: [interrupts a disapproving Morgan] Actually... I've always secretly felt that way.

[Chuck and Brody nod in agreement]

Chuck Versus the Family Volkoff [4.20]

Morgan: Pre-nup? Jeez, I thought things were going so well.

Chuck: It was, is.

Casey: She's just taking precautions. Half of all maarriages go down.

Chuck: Well, it's good to see yours is going so well.

Morgan: Hilarious. But you know what? It works. So you, spending a little money on the side. Gambling debts I don't know about?

Chuck: Of course not. You know me. I don't know why she'd do this.

Morgan: Look something's got your girl's dukes up, okay? Get the facts. [to Casey] Smaller bites please.

Casey: Don’t henpeck! You overanalyze everything. Bartowski. You talk every issue to death. It's exhausting.

Morgan: It's exhausting just sitting here.

Chuck: Well. I really do that?

Casey: Spies have secrets. If you're gonna take it to the next level with Walker you have to understand that. Sign the papers. Be cool.

Morgan: Yeah Chuck, be cool.

Chuck: Be cool.

Awesome: [reading aloud a book to the baby] So, really the missing link isn't actually missing. It's a misnomer when a fossil shows a specimen in a state of the intermediary development.

Ellie: [about her father's laptop] It's missing.

Awesome: Babe, you really think it's wise to argue in front of the baby?

Volkoff: Remember, family and friends are everything. Money, greed, and power are a dance with Satan. And he looks like me.

Sarah: Done [ rips up her prenup]

Chuck; You don't have to do that.

Sarah: Please forget that ever existed, Okay? And can you please stop being so cool?

[Chuck pulls out his own prenup]

Sarah: That is so not cool.

Chuck: Just read it.

Sarah: I, Sarah Walker, promise to always love Chuck Bartowski. In return, he will always love me. I can't read the fine print.

Chuck: The fine print says: I promise Chuck that I will not even contemplate the word divorce and I will never use my prenup.

Chuck Versus the Wedding Planner [4.21]

Chuck: [to Sarah] Do our wedding colors remind you of socialism?

Awesome: Go ahead, try and run! I will catch you because I have superior form.

Young Sarah: We don't need money to have an adventure together.

Jack Burton: You're right - all we need is you and me.

Morgan: [to Sarah, after they incapacitate the second Klüg brother] Spy high-five!

Jack Burton: You gave this to me a long time ago, and I want you to know I never spent a dime of it. I only ever added to it. It should more than cover the cost of your wedding to the schnook. I hope now you can have all the adventures you ever wanted with a man far better than me.

Chuck Versus Agent X [4.22]

Big Mike: [referring to Las Vegas] It's about high stakes, and gambling, and getting into some weird stuff that just might haunt you for the rest of your life.

Lester: I got a fat stack burning a hole in my crotch.

Jeff: Let's get this party started.

Casey: [eager to kill Riley's mercenaries] My sentiments exactly.

Mrs. Winterbottom: [firing a machine gun at an assault team on her lawn] There go my primroses! Eat lead, you bastards!

Casey: The CIA created one of the most murderous men in the history of the world. Powerful people spending an enormous amount of energy covering that up. If they find out we know they order a guy like me to put a bullet in each one of our heads. Pretty sure your dad didn't want this to end that way.

Chuck Versus the Last Details [4.23]

Morgan: I thought we were past this. We're roomies. You've been training me hard. I've been in danger a ton of times. You love the Snack Packs I bring on missions. So why, suddenly, are you being this big jerk to me?

Casey: It's Alex. She's worried about you.

Morgan: Oh, wait, wait , wait. Okay, Okay. You're telling me you are being a jerk because you care?

Casey: Yeah. Fat load of good it's done me too. I promised Alex I'd keep you safe. There are times on every mission when things go sideways. That happens, I can't protect you... then I broken a promise to my daughter.

Morgan: I see your dilemma.

Casey: Yeah.

Morgan: Everything is gonna be fine, trust me. Nothing will go wrong. Why did I just say that?

Casey: Hmmmm.

Badguy: This better not take long. I already tried to kill three people at the table.

Morgan: Yes. What do you mean? No, You heard me the first time. Shoot the puppy. I'm so sick of feeding him. Kill the puppy. So hard to great good henchmen nowadays. Hmm?

Mary: [toasting Chuck and Sarah] Many of you might not know me, but i'm Chuck's and Ellie's mom. Truth be told.... I was gone for a long time. Now that I am back in their lives, I sometimes overcompensate. But lucky for me, my soon-to-be daughter-in-law is very forgiving. She's never heard me say it but Sarah is one of the strongest and one of the most amazing women that I have ever met. So I would like to propose this toast to her. Sarah, thank you for taking care of my Chuck. May you have many more adventures together, and may you always keep each other safe.

Chuck Versus the Cliffhanger [4.24]

Sarah: Chuck, you're a gift. You're a gift I never dreamed I could want, or need and every day I will show you that you're a gift that I deserve. You make me the best person I could ever hope to be and I wanna spend, and learn, and love, the rest of my life with you.

Casey: You're Chuck Bartowski, you're the second best spy I've ever worked with. Go save the best one.

[Mary and Casey help Chuck and Hartley escape]

Mary: [to Hartley] You and Chuck need to break into Volkoff Industries. There'll be lots of security there, so you'll have to go as your old self.

Hartley: [his true identity having been restored] Of course, as Volkoff.

Mary: Yes, but he's not you. He's a mean, dictatorial, conniving...

Chuck: ...manipulative, amoral...

Casey: ...limey with relatively good teeth.

Hartley: Sounds like I was a monster.

All: You were.

Casey: [as reinforcements from Volkoff Industries arrive] Russians...so many Russians...

Chuck: Right my vows. My turn for vows. They just don't cut it. I'm sorry , Sarah. How do I express the depth of my love for you. Or my dreams for our future, or the fact that I will fight for you every day. Or that our kids will be like little superheroes with little capes and stuff like that. Words can't express that. Don't do it justice. they just don't cut it. So no vows. I'll just prove it to you every day for the rest of our lives. You can count on me.

Season 5

Chuck Versus the Zoom [5.01]

Casey: [to Chuck] Do you actually play any non-video game sports?

Morgan: You know, if I was standing on my wallet, I'd be tall.

Sarah: Chuck, I'm not leaving my husband on a mission.

Casey: I want it noted that I took out six of their guys.

Sarah: Chuck, you found it. What's the matter?

Chuck: I can't afford it. If we bought it yesterday, with our fortune, we'd own it. But now...I'm so sorry, Sarah.

Sarah: Well, so what. We knew this wasn't going to be easy and we didn't get married because we thought life was easy, we got married so that we could be there for each other when things got tough. That we could work through things together, rich or poor.

Chuck: But how are we gonna do this? We gotta start over.

Sarah: Well it's okay, we'll get new clients and we haven't lost everything. We still have Castle and the store.

Chuck: Buy More.

Sarah: The Buy More.

Chuck: The Buy More, we use the store to support the spy team, we take the profits and put them into Carmichael Industries until both companies can make money. But in order for that to work, the store has to actually make profit.

Sarah: We can do that.

Chuck: We can do that. What about me though? You and Casey are super spies, Morgan's the Intersect. Who am I? What's my job?

Sarah: Chuck, you're our leader.

Chuck Versus the Bearded Bandit [5.02]

Casey: It made a nasty scar, right over one of my favorite scars.

Chuck: [about the Intersect] ....scary, exciting, your hormones are all out of whack, you're really discovering your body!

Verbanski: Not many people have disarmed Colonel Casey. But I like to remember all of my victories. Even the little ones.

Sarah: [correcting Gertrude] First of all, its 'Mrs.'

Casey: You ever have sex with someone who's just tried to kill you? It's incredible.

Chuck Versus the Frosted Tips [5.03]

Chuck: Perving out on Gertrude. Weird move Casey.

[ Morgan text dumps Alex]

Casey: What do you want me to do? You want me to kill him? 'Cause I'll kill him. Better yet, let's keep him alive. You can work him over for a while.

Alex: No, Dad I don't want you to hurt Morgan. I love him. I just don't understand how he can be so awful, you know?

Casey: Just tell me what to do.

Alex: I just don't understand. I just want the old Morgan back, you know?

Casey: I know it hurts honey. We Casey's don't like to open up and make ourselves vulnerable, because once someone does, rips our heart out and stomps on it in front of our eyes, it can be the worst torture of all. Just want you to know that I'm always here for you. Always will be.

Chuck: You can keep the Intersect. Gollum!

Morgan: Thanks for pantsing me.

Chuck: Anytime buddy.

Chuck Versus the Business Trip [5.04]

Casey: [to Morgan] And a moron again! Sorry moron still.

Chuck: The force is strong in this one.

Morgan: Mmmm. I have no idea what that means, but I am pumped.

General Beckman: [Sees all the arcade machines in Castle] So shocked you people are running out of money.

Chuck: Missile Command is a part of our process.

Casey: Leave it to the three friends you recently stabbed in the back.

Sarah: Ah, I'd like to make a toast. Chuck and I have been a little sad this week that we aren't normal people. I've been having a hard time with the fact I have no real friends. but I look around here at all of you today and I realize that because of Chuck, I do. Nobody in the world is closer than we all are. So, Thank you and cheers.

Chuck Versus the Hack Off [5.05]

Chuck: Do you remember why we started Carmichael Industries to begin with?

Morgan: The corporate discount on the pinball machine right?

Lester: OK. I admit it. I tried to poison you to keep you subordinate. What's the big deal?

Morgan: I haven't seen this routine in a long time. We used to call this routine, 'The Routine'.

Sarah: That's very creative.

Morgan: Chuck had quite a reputation as a hacker. You know? They used to call him, The Piranha. Swordfish, right. The movie, is based on him. We don't talk about it cause he didn't think it was an A plus film.

Sarah: Well I thought it was petty good.

Morgan: Yeah it was okay. It's pothole and hacker scenes were just like...

Chuck: [Takes off headphones] Haha, someone coded the name into the telex script. The inside joke for anyone running viral counter measures. [Puts headphones back on]

Morgan: Piranha got into a coding session, he can get a bit...giddy.

Sarah: That's actually pretty cute.

Morgan: It's also super nerdy.

Sarah: It's definitely that too.

Sarah: I really have no place to hide a gun.

Verbanski: We coulda been something.

Casey: Still can be.

Verbanski: Perhaps someday. Surveillance changes shifts in two minutes. We gotta get into the heating ducts before they realize you're gone.

Casey: You're gonna break me out alone?

Verbanski: No. I found someone who cares about you as much as I do.

Casey: Huh

Morgan: Prisoner transfer from CB-11 section 3-8

Man on Radio: Copy that.

Morgan: I missed you, big guy.

Chuck Versus the Curse [5.06]

Casey: Good job of breaking me out, moron, I was actually a little proud of you.

Morgan: Did you just compliment me AND insult me?

Casey: [about a deserted Honkey-tonk bar] This is where we come in our darkest hours-Iran Contra, Nicaragua, the Clinton years...

Ellie: Honey, we have to form a plan.

Awesome: Babe, deep breath. I have an idea.

Ellie: Okay, I'm listening.

Awesome: All right. We need to dive out of the car. We'll be fine. All we need is a sturdy combat roll.

Ellie: Ah, I can't do it.

Awesome: Of course you can. You have done way harder things. We need to just open the door, and roll out.

Ellie: You don't understand, okay? I went to Agent Provocateur and got an outfit, and the panties were optional and I didn't opt to wear them.

Awesome: Really?

Ellie: Surprise.

Awesome: Whoa.

Robin: The Omen? Or pain?

Chuck: Shouldn't there be a third option?

Sarah: If you ever go out alone again, just remember, I'm a trained assassin.

Chuck: Noted.

Sarah: Good.

Chuck: You wouldn't shoot me, would you?

Chuck Versus the Santa Claus [5.07]

Big Mike: I want customers to remember the true meaning of Christmas and get back to what you're supposed to be doing -- buying stuff.

Chuck: I've been training for a while now.

Shaw: Oh really? Can you compete with the Intersect 3.0? I can practically catch a bullet in my teeth, but you did some pushups? You hit the heavy bag? No Intersect can help you this time, Chuck.

Chuck: I wouldn't be too sure about that.

Chuck: I'm a much bigger nerd than you thought I was.

Chuck: Well it wouldn't be Christmas with the Bartowskis without a little bit of drama.

Sarah: Thank you.

Chuck: For defeating Daniel Shaw? For stopping the Omen virus? Or was it me getting us invited to rejoin the CIA?

Sarah: For saving me.

Chuck: Technically it was Morgan that saved you. Because of all the saving that was going on, I didn't have time to get you your gift in time for Christmas. However. [Takes out charm bracelet.] An oldie but a goodie. [Puts it on Sarah's wrist] I hope it will suffice for now.

Chuck Versus the Baby [5.08]

[Sarah's former handler Ryker to a tied up Sarah]

Ryker: You know why I requested to be your handler? Why I brought you to Budapest in the first place? Because your file screamed Loner. You had no family to speak of, never trusted anyone. I knew that you could kept a secret because you had no one to tell. And you still don't, do you? I bet no one knows that your here. Do they? And that's why you're gonna die today.

Sarah: Um, going to prom and homecoming and soccer games and all those normal things you wanted for me. Will you make sure she gets them?

Emma: Of course I will.

Chuck: I'm not the kind of guy who says things like this. But whatever you thought you had to hide, going out on your own like that, I think it was a mistake. I think that you were wrong.

Sarah: You're right. When Ryker captured me in Budapest, I kept thinking why am I doing it this way? Why do I feel like I have to do everything on my own. But it's the way my dad taught me, it's the way the CIA taught me, that you can only ever trust yourself. But the truth is, I trust you completely and I want to tell you everything.

Chuck: You,know, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am that I get to meet you.

Emma: It means a lot to me too. More than you know. It's been so long since I've seen her. She was always a tough little thing, you know. But I worried about her. Growing up mostly with her father, she always kept to herself. I know I don't know you very well yet, but thank you for giving her all of this.

Sarah: I like it here.

Chuck: Me too.

Sarah: You know, I really want the life that you imagined for us Chuck, but if we go back to the CIA it's just gonna be missions and secrets that we have no control over.

Chuck: What are you saying?

Sarah: I gave my life to the CIA for a really long time and I chose it over my family and my friends and that was the right thing for me to do at the time, but I'm different now. You know, things have changed. You've changed me. I don't wanna go back. I wanna turn down Beckman's offer.

Chuck: Okay. Okay. We don't need that bonus and we don't need this house because all we need is each other. [Sarah gets up and walks to door frame] Sarah? Hey , hey, hey. What are you doing?

Sarah: I am carving our names into the frame.

Chuck: Honey, you know we don't own this home.

Sarah: I know. But we will. One day. Might not be tomorrow or the next day and it might take us months or years of hard work but one day all this will be ours. And when it is, I would like to remember this moment. So, what do you say? You still in?

Chuck Versus the Kept Man [5.09]

Casey: Can't do it, Walker. Sometimes Gertrude, she doesn't listen to what I'm trying to tell her.

Sarah: I can sympathize.

Casey: Thank you.

Sarah: But you're putting on that bathing suit.

Casey: Like hell.

Sarah: This is a dream mission, Casey, and I'm not gonna let you screw it up. Do you know how many skimpy outfits I have had to put on for this team? Did you hear me complain when I had to wear a catsuit or seven inch platform high heels or a belly dancer's outfit?

Casey: Belly dancer's outfit?

Sarah: Okay, that was private. Just put on the banana hammock and stop whining.

Casey: You okay, Walker? You seem a little emotional these days?

Sarah: Shut up.

Chuck: Mind if I give you s little advice?

Casey: Use the word "care", I'm gonna take this glass, shove it down your throat, and punch you in the stomach so it shatters.

Chuck: What did we talk about at the restaurant? What did we talk about? Are you using this? [Draws heart shape on Casey's chest] I think you owe it to our client! Listen to her signals, what is it she's really telling you?

Casey: You think I need to be more sensitive. Be more in tune with my girlfriend's emotions. You're one to talk.

Chuck: What's that suppose to mean?

Casey: Means you've got your head so far up your new care manifesto, you haven't realized your own wife thinks she's pregnant, and is hiding it from you.

Chuck: What? Are you crazy? There's no way...there's no way she could be pregnant. I would have to be the most clueless, insensitive, uncaring.....

Sarah: Arr, Chuck!

Casey: The housemaid is laying out coffee spoons with the dinner service! There's going to be hell to pay at Downton Abbey tonight!

Jeff: [in the basement, seeing paint on the back of Lester's shirt] What the...? [He turns around and feels and smells the wall] It's still wet.

Lester: Oh. Oh, yeah.

Jeff: Remember when I was in Pine Ridge?

Lester: The...mental institution? Yeah.

Jeff: It was so dreary, they'd actually put fake backdrops in the windows.

Lester: That's pretty cruel.

Jeff: I always knew it was fake.

Lester: Um, where are we going with this, buddy?

Jeff: [grabs a dumbbell] I guess what I'm trying to say is...it's not always easy to trick a mental patient. [He punches through the wall with the dumbbell and discovers the Castle, where Chuck, Sarah and Morgan are sitting] I knew it! We were right! Lester!

[Morgan quickly shoots a tranq dart into Jeff's neck, who falls to the ground unconscious.]

Lester: Jeffrey!

[Morgan shoots another dart at Lester's head. He falls as well.]

Morgan: Oh, crap. I mean, we've got a problem.

Chuck: Yeah, I'd call it that.

Chuck Versus the Bo [5.10]

Morgan: Well, I love it. You know how I feel about bullets, which is to say – negatively. This is fantastic.

Casey: Where do I fit in? What am I? Chief Googler?

Sarah: Well actually you'll be doing a lot of the same stuff you already do.

Chuck: Yeah. I mean we're still gonna need fields ops to recover stolen systems and breaching companies' security to find their weak spots…

Casey: [Grunts] Hmmm...

Morgan: Plus, wouldn't it be lovely not to get shot at?

Chuck: Exactly. Aren't you sick of being shot at?

Sarah: Or getting shot. I mean, you get shot a lot.

Casey: Not considering how much I get shot at.

Chuck: [Agreeably] Hmm

Sarah: [Agreeably] Hmm

[Everyone sips coffee.]:

Morgan: Okay, think about Alex. Do you know how happy she will be knowing you're not out there doing scary stuff?

Casey: [Considers. Grunts] All right, I'll think about it. But one thing's for sure, if we go through with this, no more Buy More. We don't need a cover. Let's kick the creepy cousin out of the family.

Morgan: [Pensively] Wow. No more Buy More.

Morgan: [after Bo kisses him] Hello, Bo Derek's tongue. Wow.

Morgan: [to Bo Derek] You're no longer a perfect 10.

Sarah: Hey Chuck, how's it going with Bo? You had any sneak peeks of your childhood crush's boobies?

Chuck: What? No. Shut up.

Morgan: You really love it here, don't you?

Big Mike: Like a turkey loves Thanksgiving.

Chuck Versus the Bullet Train [5.11]

Ellie: Anything different happen on missions?

Morgan: Uhh, I started wearing tight slacks.

Chuck: We have something better than a Buy More. We have a train full of Japanese people!

Jeff: Exactly what did you do?

Lester: Sugared the gas tank. It's an oldie, but a goodie. Man, I haven't sugged a tank in days. Anyway, now that they are incapacitated in the mobile sense, we need a plan.

Jeff: It should be keen and clever. Utilizing our unique talents.

Lester: Do we have any of those?

Jeff: I think you are uniquely wasteful and destructive.

Lester: Let's build on that.

Chuck: [about Jeff and Lester] I've worked with those guys for years. They may seem like botulism victims, but they're loyal. They can do it.

Casey: Lester, I'm gonna tell you something I never dreamed I'd tell you. Never dreamed I'd have to tell you. But the situation is extreme. This is Colonel John Casey of the National Security Agency.

Lester: That is so funny. There's a John Casey who works at Buy More.

Casey: That's me you idiot. I'm NSA. Sarah Walker, Chuck Bartowski, they're CIA.

Lester: They are so not.

Casey: They are "so" so, you colossal dope. Now I need you. My daughter needs you. And your country needs you.

Lester: Canada?

Casey: Patel, listen up. You do what I tell you, I'll make you a hero.

Lester: It's the call.

Casey: Go to my Crown Vic.

Lester: You're outgunned, outmanned, outside. And it's a lovely day. So throw down your gun and nobody gets hurt.

Quinn's henchman: You're the one who should be worried about getting hurt.

Lester: Ah. [point to Jeff]

Jeff: Behold the flames of destiny. Ha, ha. [Jeff using flamethrower]

Chuck Versus Sarah [5.12]

Morgan: Wow. It's all ending, huh?

Casey: What are you babbling about?

Morgan:Just getting nostalgic, you know? Quinn's dead, Sarah's home safe, so we're done, man. No more missions.

Casey: No more gunplay.

Morgan:Think about it, Casey. Five years. I went from pip-squeaky sidekick to this. And you, you were the most cold-blooded sniper in the whole world and now you're scrubbing our floors.

Casey: Well, if you would use a plate when you're eating taquitos, I wouldn't have to scrub the floors. would I? Do you really think I've changed?

Morgan: I'm on board, obviously. I also want to say that I'm really glad we're having this third last mission, seeing as I wasn't a part of the other two.

Sarah: This is real? You really love me?

Chuck: With all of my heart.

Sarah: I'm sorry I did my job too well. I have a mission to finish. And I need those glasses.

[Casey enters Sarah's apartment]

Casey: Figure I'd find you here. You can put the knife down, I'm not here to fight. What do you remember about me?

Sarah: Your reputation mostly. Unfriendly, unforgiving... and unquestioning about your orders.

Casey: That's funny. When we met, people said the same about you. Probably why we never got along.

Sarah: Well, if we didn't get along, then why are you here?

Casey: [pulls out envelope ] I guess Bartowski's made us both a little soft. [puts envelope on table] Beckman's got a new job for me... but these past five years, we changed, you know? We became friends. Take care of yourself Walker.

Sarah: [on tape] Day one. My mission is simple. Find out what he knows, gain his trust, and monitor his actions until the agency can decide what to do with him......Day 21. Chuck came over to my hotel room today and brought me a pizza. Vegetarian, no olives. I think he's making it his mission to get to know me. It's sweet....Day 49. Chuck broke up with me today. Well fake. Fake broke up with me, technically....Day 56. Chuck and I were defusing a bomb today and there was a moment where we were sure we were going to die. He closed his eyes and I kissed him. I kissed him...Day 564. Things are calm for once. No missions, nothing. Nothing really to report... except I still find myself sitting here...talking to myself...because... because I love him... I love Chuck Bartowski, and I don't know what to do about it.

Chuck Versus the Goodbye [5.13]

Morgan: Tell me why you are not returning Alex's phone calls. OK, she is worried sick about you. All she knows is you're gone, running covert missions.

Casey: They call them covert, numbnuts, because you don't tell anyone about them.

Morgan: She's your daughter.

Casey: She's a liability.

Morgan: Wow.

Casey: I didn't mean that, it's just that I have to be ruthless.

Morgan: What about Chuck and Sarah? Liability too? Right. Good. By all means lock 'em up, throw away the key. Lock away your feelings, forget everything that we've been through and you be ruthless.

Casey: You just don't understand, do you? I got soft. I lost my edge.

Morgan: Your team was your edge, you giant jackass. What is wrong with you man? You want to find Quinn, you know who to call. But don't you dare try to blame this on us because you're afraid. That right, you're afraid that when you're with us, that's when you're the best. And that's the truth man!

Casey: Hmmm.

Morgan: That's it, no response or anything?

Casey: Screw it.

Morgan: Screw what, John?

Casey: The court-martial....I'm in.

Casey: Chuck. Chuck, find the porn virus, find it now.

Casey: I gotta go. I can smell it coming. You're gonna get weepy and emotional. I'll just skip that part. I'll see you when I see you, Bartowski, Huh?

Chuck: Goodbye, Casey!

Casey: There's one thing Russians do well — it's give good hugs.

Morgan: You're going after Gertrude.

Casey: I was gonna ask you...

Alex: Dad, you don't have to ask. You deserve to be happy. Go. Run to her.

Morgan: Run to her.

Casey: I'm a Casey, I don't run. I stalk my prey.

[The series' last lines]

Chuck: You know, Morgan has this crazy idea.

Sarah: What is it?

Chuck: He thinks that, with one kiss, you'll remember everything.

Sarah: Ha. One magical kiss?

Chuck: Yeah. Ha, ha. exactly. I know, it's...

Sarah: Chuck.

Chuck: Yeah?

Sarah: Kiss me.

Cast

External links

Wikipedia

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Chuck (TV series)