I'm so tired of pretending my life isn't perfect and bitching and just winning every second.
I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee.
I don't have time for these clowns. I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity. They lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then look at me and they say 'I can't process it'. Well no, and you never will. Stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show.
You borrow my brain for 5 seconds, and just be like "Dude, can't handle it, unplug this bastard", because it fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.
(on whether he is bipolar.) Wow, what does that mean? … What's the cure? Medicine? Make me like them? Not going to happen. I'm bi-WINNING! I win here and I win there. Now what?
I probably took more than anybody could survive. … I was bangin' seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear, GO!. … I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. … Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.
Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber. (The TMZ Show)
I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total … rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain. (The Today Show)
Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed.
I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
They're trying to destroy my family, so I take great umbrage with that. And defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock.
There’s been a tsunami of media, and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.
I’m grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life. I’m not 'aw shucks' … because I'm gnarly. (The Howard Stern Show)
I wish people would shift that focus on to themselves and their own family and their own friends and just maybe spend a little more time on their home front. And not some distant planet that is me.
I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.
I'm still alive, which is pretty cool.
People that aren't special, people that don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA (The Today Show)
I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself." (Piers Morgan Tonight)
...from some distant memory as she stood there before you.
We need to hack up the person responsible for this bad connection....hack him up in front of his children. We need to cut off his face and wear it and go on a really tightly budgeted shopping spree in stores that don't exist yet.
Charlie Sheen has been getting more air time recently than the president of the United States, the conflicts in the Middle East and the winners of the Academy Awards. Combined.
And for good reason — he gives better quotes.