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Chairman of the Board (film)

1998 film directed by Alex Zamm

Chairman of the Board is a 1998 American comedy film that follows a young inventor and surfer who inherits a multimillion dollar company from a billionaire.

Directed by Alex Zamm; Produced by Peter M. Lenkov and Rupert Harvey
Work sucks!

Edison

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  • [in a commercial for Chef Edison's TV Dinner, dressed as an astronaut] Hi, I'm Chef Edison and when I'm away from home, I still like to catch some of my favorite TV shows. That's why I always bring one of my Chef Edison TV dinners wherever I go. With flavors like, 'Uh, Beavis and Broccoli', N.Y.P.D. Blueberry pie, and M*A*S*H potatoes, there's no reason to be a couch potato at home. Now you can be one anywhere! So sit back on a moon rock and enjoy.

Dialogue

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Ms. Krubavitch: No more Miss Sunshine for you three. I want my money NOW!!
Edison: I'll take care of Cujo. Ms. Krubavitch, look, we go back a long time, right? We have that warm, personal relationship. Can I call you "Mom"?
Ms. Krubavitch: [disgusted] Yecch.
Edison: [writes a heart on shampoo] We love you.
Ms. Krubavitch: [smacks the heart] That love crap doesn't work with me!
Edison: OK. I'm gonna level with you, all right? We're kind of going through a negative cash flow situation, all right? Kind of a personal recession. But, hey! How about this? A lifetime supply of these? My favorite invention: A slurpy cup with a heater on it. Watch. [takes a slurp] This way, no brain freeze. Brilliant, huh?
Mrs. Krubavitch: If I don't have my money by the end of the month, I'll have your skanky, dingleberry-ridden asses tossed out of here. YOU GOT THAT!?! [places her anti-smoking voice box against Edison's throat]
Edison: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: Hold on a moment. Armand's will clearly stipulates who gets what.
Bradford: This is an abomination. You're telling me my uncle, my only family, left me a piece of wood and gave the bulk of his estate, $23 million in stock, [points to Edison] to that?!
Edison: [delighted] 23 million? $23 million?! Oh, that's a lot of Snapples!
Fremont: You're the new trainee?
Edison: Actually, I inherited the company.
Landers: He's Edison? [the board members incredulously exclaim]
Edison: In the freckled flesh.
Edison: Ladies and gentlemen, when I was yo high, I got the idea for making something everyone could use, and today, it is a reality. So, without further ado... [removes the cover off the Chef Edison's TV Dinner] Ta-da! The device that's gonna rock the world!
Fremont: A TV dinner? I hate to break the news, but Swanson beat you to the punch by 40 years.
Edison: Guys, it's not just a TV dinner, it's a real TV dinner. [opens the lid to the TV dinner, showing the food tray and a portable TV screen, much to the hoard's amusement] Here, check it out. [passes the TV dinner to Natalie, who passes it down to every board member all the way to Landers] The hardest part was making a TV that could withstand going from the freezer to be heated.
Larry: This dinner is self-heating and uses microwave technology to cook the food and run the TV for 4 hours.
Edison: And here's the kicker, it only costs $2.19 more than a regular TV dinner.
Fremont: Ingenious!
Landers: And tasty, too.
Bradford: Get him a bib.
Edison: I say we go into immediate production.
Natalie: Whoa, Edison. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but there are standard procedure to follow. We have product testing and focus groups, safety regulations. We can't just march right into production.
Edison: Well, you've done this a lot longer than I have, so...
Bradford: [interrupting] Hold on! Didn't you just tell us that this is the greatest thing since individually wrapped cheese slices?
Edison: I would never, ever dare compare it to individually wrapped cheese slices. I mean, come on. We all know there's nothing better or tastier than that. Bradford, hello? Scrumpdillyicious, cheese slices. Although, I would say this is close.
Natalie: Yes, but...
Bradford: Natalie, please. Gentlemen, months of costly testing will only tell us what we already know. The product works, but, of course, it's up to you, Mr. Chairman of the Board.
Edison: I say we go into production now!
Ty: Well, it's Her Royal Hemorrhoidiness.
Ms. Krubavitch: You little good-for-nothing, jerkweed, halitosis heads are out of here!
Zak What's up? The rent's been paid.
Ty: Yeah.
Ms. Krubavitch: Clown Boy's check bounced! [hands Zak a notice] I could have you pencil-necked low-lifes arrested for that.
Ty: I knew Edison was spending too much money on this extravagance. I was going to tell him that myself.
Zak: Ms. K., I'm sure it was just a big mistake. I know Edison could cut us another check. Hey, is that a new housecoat?
Ms. Krubavitch: Ohh! I want my money by the end of today, IN CASH, or you scum-sucking weasels get the BOOT!

Cast

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