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Chad Vader

web series
For other uses of "Star Wars", see Star Wars.

Chad Vader is a Star Wars fan film series that has gained popularity on the internet. The first two episodes orginally aired on Channel 101, and though the series was subsequently cancelled the producers decided to continue filming and broadcasted via YouTube instead.

Season 1

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Day Shift Manager

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[Chad walks over to Store Clerk who is stocking items]
Chad: What is the meaning of this?
Tony: [not even shaken] The meaning of what?
Chad: I ordered this task to be completed an hour ago!
Tony: Yeah, you did.
Chad: You have failed me for the last time!
Tony: That's what you said the last time.
Chad: I have been too forgiving in the past. Do not fail me again!
Tony: Because that will be the last time.
Chad: Yes...no....I don't know....continue stocking! [walks away]
Chad: May I speak with you a moment, my Master?
Randy: It's just Randy, okay, Chad?
Chad: Yes, my Master. (Chad kneels.)
Randy: And don't kneel! It's...weird.
Chad: I have grave news.
(Flashback)
Chad: Tammy, I need you to work an extra shift on Saturday.
Tammy: No. (Tammy walks away.)
(End flashback)
Chad:...and then she walked away!
Randy: Okay. So?
Chad: Our plans to make this station fully operational on Saturday may be jeopardised!
Randy: Look, uh, just get someone to take her shift, okay, Chad?
Chad: As you wish, Emperor.
Randy: It's Randy! RANDY! I'm not an Emperor!

The Date

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Chad: I sense potential in you, young one.
Jeremy: Yeah!!!
Chad: I shall take you on as my apprentice, Jeremy. Together we shall decimate the competition and conquer the food retailing industry!
Jeremy: That would be awesome!
Chad: (swinging his lightsaber) Yes, it SHALL be awesome! (Chad's lightsaber smashes through a display case.) Oh, um...clean that up, Jeremy. (Chad walks away.)
Clarissa: So, I've always wondered, what's up with the suit and the helmet?
Chad: I--I was in a biking accident.
Clarissa: You ride a motorcycle?
Chad: No, a bicycle. I lost control on a road and I went over an embankment, down a hill, into a volcano.
Clarissa: Oh my gosh!
Chad: But my brother--I have a famous brother--he sent me this suit. I can never remove it or I will die.

Dog in the Store

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Hal: Excuse me, where are your live chickens?
Chad: We do not carry that item.
Hal: I found some frozen ones, but they won't work for my voodoo ritual.
Chad: We do NOT carry that item.
Hal: But where are they?
Chad: I told you already! We do NOT have live chickens. Does this look like a chicken coop? Do not ask me where they are because they are NOT here!
Weird Jimmy: She dumped you...didn't she? [referring to Clarissa]
Chad: How did you-
Weird Jimmy: You and I have a lot in common, Chad. I used to be the Day Shift Manager here, at Empire Market. Then they made me the Night Shift Manager...just like you. Soon after, I developed som mi-minor problems. [snickers] Now...my life is over.
Chad: Well, I must go back inside now.
Weird Jimmy: Chad...it doesn't have to be like this. You always have a choice.....UNLESS YOU'RE ME!! [laughs like a mad-man]
Chad: Return the day shift to me, Randy. You do not realize the power I possess! Together we can rule Empire Market as General Manager and Day Manager!
Randy: Come on, Chad. You've had a rough first night. Let's go into my office--
Chad: You will join me or die!
Randy: Do you really mean that, Chad?
Chad: No. Please give me my day shift back.

Drunk

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Bartender: That job meant a lot to you, huh?
Chad: Yes, she did.
Bartender: She?
Chad: Clarissa. My supposed former girlfriend is out on a date with my arch-enemy Clint.
Bartender: But you know, they're sitting right over there.
Chad: Yes, I know...
Clarissa: I saw you following us.
Chad: No, you didn't. Stop lying.
Clarissa: Chad--
Chad: How does it feel to be such a liar?
Clarissa: Why don't you do something with your life and stop being so lame?
Chad: I can't help it, Clarissa. I'm lame! LAME!

New Job

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Chad: You think you have won this round, eh? Wait until I send a service droid to your house to destroy your communication--
Telemarketing Boss: Hey, Chad?
Chad: Hmm?
Telemarketing Boss: It's not working out.
Chad: Fine. If you want to fire me after one phone call, fine. I don't care....
[Chad was just fired from his second job]
Ghost: Chad, chad! I's me, the ghost, remember?
Chad: What do you want?
Ghost: Why are you here? Don't you know that the store is where you belong?
Chad: I am NEVER going back to that place! [to people talking see Chad in a fury with the Ghost, but don't see who he is talking with] EVER! [Chad runs away screaming]
[crash offscreen]
Ghost: He's all right! My- my fault.
Chad: [offscreen] My knee!
Restaurant Boss: (In Spanish) Hey, Chad.
Chad: (In Spanish) Yes?
Restaurant Boss: (In Spanish) It's not working out.
Chad: (In Spanish) What a surprise!
[in a reference to the opening scene of episode 1]
Thursday; Chad is wiping down the Mayor's desk]
Mayor: What is the meaning of this?
Chad: [startled] The uh, meaning of what, Mr. Mayor?
Mayor: I ordered this task completed an hour ago!
Chad: Oh, I umm....you did?
Mayor: [darkly] You have failed me for the last time.
Chad: Uhhhhhhhh...I don't get it.
Mayor: [normal] Chad, it's not working out.
Chad: [sighs] FIRED AGAIN!

Trapped in the Trash

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Ben (Ghost): I have some information for you.
Chad: Really? What?
Ben (Ghost): Clint hates you.
Chad: (sarcasm) Oh, I had NO idea!
Jeremy: The power switch! Too weak...!
Weird Jimmy: What, this? Oh, I don't know, I have to consult with Mop! (Holds a silent conversation with his mop) Nope, sorry! Can't do it!
Jeremy: No!
Weird Jimmy: Just JOKING!
[the power goes out]
Clint: What, you think I'm afraid of the friggin' dark?
Chad: You will be. [draws lightsaber] You WILL be...
Clint: Let's end this.

Chad Fights Back

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Chad: Turn and face me.
Clint: [annoyed] What now?
[Chad uses the force to throw a lemon at Clint]
Clint: A lemon? That's all you got?
Chad: It's all I need....
[after Chad gets his job back]
Randy: Now, Chad you're going to need to make some changes in your attitude.
Chad: WHAT?! Uh...I mean...Yes, my master. [bows]

Season 2

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The Takeover

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Randy: Hello everyone, uhh, welcome to Empire Market.
Champion J. Pepper: Hello. I'm Champion J. Pepper.
Randy: Yes, I know. We've known each other for years, Mr. Pepper.
Pepper: I know that. I just like to introduce myself every time I enter a room. It's a new thing I'm trying out.
Randy: I...see.

Laser Trouble

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[a mouse droid appears]
Chad: Ahh, that cute little guy. By the end of the month, I hope to construct a fleet of these cleaning droids. It will increase our maintenance efficiency by 18%.
[Hal walks over to the mouse droid]
Hal: Excuse me, do you have diapers...for fresh babies?
Mouse Droid: [begins to spark] EXTERMINATE-IMPURITY!!
[Hal runs away in fear]
Chad: Uhh...still working the bugs out...
Mouse Droid: EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!
Chad: ...and this is...Weird Jimmy.
Margret: Well look at you!
Weird Jimmy: I'd prefer you didn't.
Margret: What does Weird Jimmy do?
Chad: He...uhh...excellent question.
Weird Jimmy: What I do before noon, would make a grown man cry and skip his breakfast. I swoop down in the night, with claws and a beak, like the shadow of a scary dream bird! When you wake up, all sweaty and nervous, you better pray to whatever god you believe in that you NEVER know the darkness that I have seen!
[pause]
Margret: So you're the janitor?
Weird Jimmy: [normal tone] Pretty much, yeah.
Chad & Margret: Let's move on.

Into the Basement

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Chad: Is this man bothering you, Libby? [referring to Lloyd]
Libby: Not really.
Chad: Hey Lloyd, let me see that cookie for a second.
Lloyd: [gives the cookie to Chad] Sure thing, Chad.
[Chad throws the cookie at Jeremey's helmet causing Lloyd to go get it, Chad takes Lloyd's seat]
Chad: He was bothering me! [laughs] That's a good one. Do you like jokes? I have more.
Libby: [shaking her head] No, I don't really like jokes or conversation. I prefer to sit in silence and pray.
Chad: Umm....yeah.
Libby: It was a joke, Chad.
Chad: Oh! [forced laughter]

The Basement Strikes Back

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Jeremey: [recalibrating the boiler] I think it's done! I think I finally did something right!
Weird Jimmy: That's what the last guy said. Right before everything went GLOOM!!! [laughs]
Weird Jimmy: Hey, guys. What would you do if I told you there were three killer robots waiting for us outside this door?
Chad: [giving normal response] Oh, I would hide and probably cry. You?
Jeremy: I would fight and smash!
Weird Jimmy: Well you're gonna need to do that.

The New Employee

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Chad: Robbie, how are you?
Robbie Johnson: Happier than I've ever been in my entire life! I'm back where I belong. Forever!
Margret: I want you to personally supervise Robbie's training, Chad. He's your...apprentice if you will.
Chad: What about Commander Wigstrom? He's my-
Margret: You are to stop wasting time with Jeremey and focus on Robbie, is that clear?
Chad: As you wish.
Margret: Is. That. Clear?
Chad: Yeah. As you wish mean o-
Margret: Good. Dismissed. [Chad and Robbie leave] Everything is happening exactly according to plan! [evil laugh]

First Kiss

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Robbie Johnson: All this food looks so foreign and exotic. I think I'll have the....pasta.
Chad: I'm going to start this special meal off with a delicious chocolatini.
Libby: I'm sorry Chad, Maggy said we couldn't order any alcohol.
Chad: Of course. How silly of me. I'm going to start this special meal off with some delicious....water.

Goodbye, Chad

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Chad: Clarissa. Looking lovely as ever!
Clarissa: When are we gonna go on that second date?
Chad: No-can-do. I'm seeing someone! Heh heh. Adios, muchacha!
Chad: [after reading Libby's farewell letter] Gone. Libby! NOOOOOOO- a marshmallow hits him in the face] Huh?
Marshmallow Bandit-o: Chad Vader!
Chad: Who the hell are you?
Marshmallow Bandit-o: It is I, Marshmallow Bandit-o.
Chad: [not even shaken] Uhh-huh.
Marshmallow Bandit-o: You would do well to cower before my might! I am your arch-nemesis.
Chad: You picked the wrong day to mess with me, nerd. [the Marshmallow Bandit-o spits a marshmallow at Chad] Don't make me destr- [the marhmallow hits him in the face] Eww.
Marshmallow Bandit-o: [laughs]

Bandito Beatdown

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Marshmallow Bandit-o: You may wonder, the details of my descent into villainy.
Chad: [immediately] Nope.
[Chad is chasing the Marshmallow Bandito with his lightsaber]
Marshmallow Bandit-o: Today, I flee my enemy! But soon, I'll-
[Chad uses the force to throw a package of paper towels at the Marshmallow Bandito]
Marshmallow Bandit-o: OW! I am defeated! I just want a ride home [Chad throws more stuff] Ahh!
Chad: You like marshmallow's huh? Well here's some marshmallows. Here's all you can eat!
Marshmallow Bandit-o: I don't even like marshm- [Chad stuffs a marshmallow into the Marshmallow Bandito's mouth]
Chad: Eat! Eat! [stuff more into his mouth; and laughs evilly with pleasure] Yeah! They're free this time! [laughs even more and is stuffing marshmallows into the Marshmallow Bandito's face; his laughter slowly turns to crying] LIBBY!!
Jeremy: ....they went out. And they didn't even invite me. I just feel so betrayed!
Weird Jimmy: So you ratted him out. YOU TRAITOROUS SWINE!!

Showdown

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Jeremey: Becoming general manager? That would fulfill Grandpa Wigstrom's dying wish!
[flashback]
Grandpa Wigstrom's Voice: My boy! I want you to manage something, like a store! That is my wish for you.
Jeremey's Voice: Your dying wish, grandpa?
Grandpa Wigstrom's Voice: I'm not dying! Who said I w- GAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
Jeremey's Voice: Ah! I didn't do it!
Lloyd: Hey! Chad have you met the new employee yet?
Chad: Nope. Is he cool?
Sean Banditson: CHAD VADER! The Marshmallow Bandito returns!
[Chad grunts in annoyance]
Sean: Although, now you can refer to me as Sean Banditson...my real name.
Chad: Wait! You're not the new-- Oh no!
Sean: Rent was due, and the white make-up made me get a rash. So now I am here to make minimum wage, and make your life a maximum hell! [laughs evilly]

Somebody Dies

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Chad Vader: [during the lightsaber duel] You have learned much.
Jeremy: You'll find I'm full of surprises!
Weird Jimmy: [sees a customer during Chad and Jeremy's lightsaber duel] Hey guys! Customer.
[Chad and Jeremy hide their lightsabers behind their backs]
Customer: [looking oddly at the two] Uhh...can you tell me where the baking soda is?
Chad and Jeremy: Aisle six.
[brief pause of staring as the lightsabers hum]
Chad: Yep. [Jeremy nods]
Customer: Thank you....[leaves]
Chad: See you later.
Chad Vader: Took my job. Took my meeting. Took my life. [weird Jimmy hurries to see Jeremy in trouble]
Jeremy: Jimmy, help!
Weird Jimmy: No way. I'm staying out of this.
Jeremy: [freaked out of what he did to Weird Jimmy by accidentally killing him] Wh-what happened?!
Chad: You killed Weird Jimmy.
Jeremy: WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD!!
Jeremy: I can't believe everything worked out! And I didn't even get in trouble for killing someone!
[Weird Jimmy's ghost appears in front of Jeremy; who is surprised]
Weird Jimmy (Ghost): Hello....MURDERER!!!! [Jeremy shrieks and runs away, leaving Jimmy alone and causing to laugh crazily]

Season Three

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Surveillance Assailant

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[during a lightsaber training battle with Chad]
Jeremy: I really feel like I'm getting to the point, where I'm gonna be- [Chad slaps him] Ow! Why did you do that?!
Chad: Didn't expect that did you?
Jeremy: NO!
Chad: That is today's lesson. Always expect the unexpected, especially in battle.
Jeremy: Okay, I'll expect....the unexpected....even if I- [Chad slaps him again] Ow! You did it again!
Chad: See? You're not expecting the unexpected enough.
[Jeremy is sneaking around trying to expect the unexpected]
Jeremy: ....the unexpected.......the unexpected.....
[Weird Jimmy's ghost suddenly appears]
Weird Jimmy (Ghost): YOU KILLED ME!
Jeremy: I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT!!!
Weird Jimmy(Ghost): [laughing crazily] Vengeance from beyond the grave!
[Jeremy falls down and rises with a cone on his head, Jimmy laughs on]
Weird Jimmy: I love being dead.
Margret: Who will be our first manager-for-a-day Chad? I don't have all year.
Chad: My first choice if Jeremy.
Margret: No way! He had his chance and he screwed the pooch.
Chad: Well I don't know who to pick! The rest of these clowns are barely qualified to scrub out the toilets!
Margret: Not my problem...yours. You know Chad, I know I make fun of you a lot, mailny because you're dumb and I don't like you, but Im really trying to turn a corner on that. I want us to be......friends.
Chad: I don't want that.
Margret: Well too bad, you don't have a choice. [threatening] I want you to make a decision by three 'o clock or else...[smiles] buddy.

Rockets and Chaos

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[Jeremy is carrying a lot of plastic bottles full of soda]
Weird Jimmy: [Weird Jimmy's ghost appears out of no where] Don't drop them!!
Jeremy: AHH! [drops all the bottles] Weird Jimmy's ghost again?! [moves to run but slips on the bottles and falls to the ground]
Weird Jimmy: Heh heh heh....spazz.

Unidentified Episode

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Chad: What is thy bidding, my Master?
Chad: Strike me down with your hate and claim your refund!
Chad: I sense a disturbance in the store....
Chad: Can someone have this droid repaired?
Chad: I searched my feelings--all of them!
Chad: I spy on people every day, and I don't need to go where they are to do it.
Chad: I ended the sale. Pray I don't...end the sale any further.
Chad: What do you mean error 412?! I've checked the manual--there is no such error! Now do my job! DO! MY! JOB!!!
Chad: Admiral, you came out of light-speed too close to the system! [Imitates laser sounds]
Chad: Your baby is ugly!
Chad: And now, witness the true product scanning power of this fully armed and operational laser check-out system!
[before he and Jeremy begin their lightsaber duel, Jeremy takes out an oddly constructed Lightsaber handle]
Chad: I see you have constructed a new lightsaber...it looks like a piece of crap.
[after using force lightning on a cleaning droid]
Chad: Well....I didn't know I could do that!
Chad: And this ladies is Meat Sector One. And this unfortunately is Lloyd...
Chad: [working with a power drill] ....Well.....I'm glad I did that.
practicing aiming with his force lightning, not doing so well]
Chad: This is harder than bowling!
Chad: What would he want in the ba-oh crap!
Chad: You picked the wrong day to mess with me, nerd!
Chad: Oh, night terrors again.
Jeremy: Something alive in here. I've got a bad feeling about this....
Jeremy: There's a guy sleeping on the meat!!
Jeremy: Lord Vader, there's a dog loose in the store!
Clarissa Why don't you do something with your life and stop being so lame?!
Clint: And once more, I hate you. You're a total A-hole. A total asshole.
Margret: Everything is happening exactly according to plan.... [evil laugh]
Margret: [after she tells Chad Libby was deported] She left this for you. I was gonna burn it, but I couldn't find any matches.
Margret: Jimmy has not showed up to work for the past two days. If anybody knows his whereabouts please let me know as.....wait on second thought, don't waste my time.
Margret: ...and if you're late again, you will be dismissed, and I will come after your family.
Weird Jimmy: I believe in you Chad! And I also believe in elves.
Weird Jimmy: When you wake up all sweaty and nervous you'd better pray to whatever god you believe that you never know the darkness i have seen!
Robbie Johnson: I'm gonna go that that store across the street. I wanna stay drunk forever!

Cast

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  • Chad Vader - Aaron Yonda/voiced by Matt Sloan
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