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Chad Vader

web series

Season 1Edit

Day Shift ManagerEdit

[Chad walks over to Store Clerk who is stocking items]
Chad: What is the meaning of this?
Tony: [not even shaken] The meaning of what?
Chad: I ordered this task to be completed an hour ago!
Tony: Yeah, you did.
Chad: You have failed me for the last time!
Tony: That's what you said the last time.
Chad: I have been too forgiving in the past. Do not fail me again!
Tony: Because that will be the last time.
Chad: Yes...no....I don't know....continue stocking! [walks away]

Chad: May I speak with you a moment, my Master?
Randy: It's just Randy, okay, Chad?
Chad: Yes, my Master. (Chad kneels.)
Randy: And don't kneel! It's...weird.
Chad: I have grave news.
(Flashback)
Chad: Tammy, I need you to work an extra shift on Saturday.
Tammy: No. (Tammy walks away.)
(End flashback)
Chad:...and then she walked away!
Randy: Okay. So?
Chad: Our plans to make this station fully operational on Saturday may be jeopardised!
Randy: Look, uh, just get someone to take her shift, okay, Chad?
Chad: As you wish, Emperor.
Randy: It's Randy! RANDY! I'm not an Emperor!

The DateEdit

Chad: I sense potential in you, young one.
Jeremy: Yeah!!!
Chad: I shall take you on as my apprentice, Jeremy. Together we shall decimate the competition and conquer the food retailing industry!
Jeremy: That would be awesome!
Chad: (swinging his lightsaber) Yes, it SHALL be awesome! (Chad's lightsaber smashes through a display case.) Oh, um...clean that up, Jeremy. (Chad walks away.)

Clarissa: So, I've always wondered, what's up with the suit and the helmet?
Chad: I--I was in a biking accident.
Clarissa: You ride a motorcycle?
Chad: No, a bicycle. I lost control on a road and I went over an embankment, down a hill, into a volcano.
Clarissa: Oh my gosh!
Chad: But my brother--I have a famous brother--he sent me this suit. I can never remove it or I will die.

Dog in the StoreEdit

Hal: Excuse me, where are your live chickens?
Chad: We do not carry that item.
Hal: I found some frozen ones, but they won't work for my voodoo ritual.
Chad: We do NOT carry that item.
Hal: But where are they?
Chad: I told you already! We do NOT have live chickens. Does this look like a chicken coop? Do not ask me where they are because they are NOT here!

Weird Jimmy: She dumped you...didn't she? [referring to Clarissa]
Chad: How did you-
Weird Jimmy: You and I have a lot in common, Chad. I used to be the Day Shift Manager here, at Empire Market. Then they made me the Night Shift Manager...just like you. Soon after, I developed som mi-minor problems. [snickers] Now...my life is over.
Chad: Well, I must go back inside now.
Weird Jimmy: Chad...it doesn't have to be like this. You always have a choice.....UNLESS YOU'RE ME!! [laughs like a mad-man]

Chad: Return the day shift to me, Randy. You do not realize the power I possess! Together we can rule Empire Market as General Manager and Day Manager!
Randy: Come on, Chad. You've had a rough first night. Let's go into my office--
Chad: You will join me or die!
Randy: Do you really mean that, Chad?
Chad: No. Please give me my day shift back.

DrunkEdit

Bartender: That job meant a lot to you, huh?
Chad: Yes, she did.
Bartender: She?
Chad: Clarissa. My supposed former girlfriend is out on a date with my arch-enemy Clint.
Bartender: But you know, they're sitting right over there.
Chad: Yes, I know...

Clarissa: I saw you following us.
Chad: No, you didn't. Stop lying.
Clarissa: Chad--
Chad: How does it feel to be such a liar?
Clarissa: Why don't you do something with your life and stop being so lame?
Chad: I can't help it, Clarissa. I'm lame! LAME!

New JobEdit

Chad: You think you have won this round, eh? Wait until I send a service droid to your house to destroy your communication--
Telemarketing Boss: Hey, Chad?
Chad: Hmm?
Telemarketing Boss: It's not working out.
Chad: Fine. If you want to fire me after one phone call, fine. I don't care....

[Chad was just fired from his second job]
Ghost: Chad, chad! I's me, the ghost, remember?
Chad: What do you want?
Ghost: Why are you here? Don't you know that the store is where you belong?
Chad: I am NEVER going back to that place! [to people talking see Chad in a fury with the Ghost, but don't see who he is talking with] EVER! [Chad runs away screaming]
[crash offscreen]
Ghost: He's all right! My- my fault.
Chad: [offscreen] My knee!

Resturant Boss: (In Spanish) Hey, Chad.
Chad: (In Spanish) Yes?
Resturant Boss: (In Spanish) It's not working out.
Chad: (In Spanish) What a surprise!

[in a reference to the opening scene of episode 1]
Thursday; Chad is wiping down the Mayor's desk]
Mayor: What is the meaning of this?
Chad: [startled] The uh, meaning of what, Mr. Mayor?
Mayor: I ordered this task completed an hour ago!
Chad: Oh, I umm....you did?
Mayor: [darkly] You have failed me for the last time.
Chad: Uhhhhhhhh...I don't get it.
Mayor: [normal] Chad, it's not working out.
Chad: [sighs] FIRED AGAIN!

Trapped in the TrashEdit

Ben (Ghost): I have some information for you.
Chad: Really? What?
Ben (Ghost): Clint hates you.
Chad: (sarcasm) Oh, I had NO idea!

Jeremy: The power switch! Too weak...!
Weird Jimmy: What, this? Oh, I don't know, I have to consult with Mop! (Holds a silent conversation with his mop) Nope, sorry! Can't do it!
Jeremy: No!
Weird Jimmy: Just JOKING!

[the power goes out]
Clint: What, you think I'm afraid of the friggin' dark?
Chad: You will be. [draws lightsaber] You WILL be...
Clint: Let's end this.

Chad Fights BackEdit

Chad: Turn and face me.
Clint: [annoyed] What now?
[Chad uses the force to throw a lemon at Clint]
Clint: A lemon? That's all you got?
Chad: It's all I need....

[after Chad gets his job back]
Randy: Now, Chad you're going to need to make some changes in your attitude.
Chad: WHAT?! Uh...I mean...Yes, my master. [bows]

Season 2Edit

The TakeoverEdit

Randy: Hello everyone, uhh, welcome to Empire Market.
Champion J. Pepper: Hello. I'm Champion J. Pepper.
Randy: Yes, I know. We've known each other for years, Mr. Pepper.
Pepper: I know that. I just like to introduce myself every time I enter a room. It's a new thing I'm trying out.
Randy: I...see.

Laser TroubleEdit

[a mouse droid appears]
Chad: Ahh, that cute little guy. By the end of the month, I hope to construct a fleet of these cleaning droids. It will increase our maintenance efficiency by 18%.
[Hal walks over to the mouse droid]
Hal: Excuse me, do you have diapers...for fresh babies?
Mouse Droid: [begins to spark] EXTERMINATE-IMPURITY!!
[Hal runs away in fear]
Chad: Uhh...still working the bugs out...
Mouse Droid: EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!

Chad: ...and this is...Weird Jimmy.
Margret: Well look at you!
Weird Jimmy: I'd prefer you didn't.
Margret: What does Weird Jimmy do?
Chad: He...uhh...excellent question.
Weird Jimmy: What I do before noon, would make a grown man cry and skip his breakfast. I swoop down in the night, with claws and a beak, like the shadow of a scary dream bird! When you wake up, all sweaty and nervous, you better pray to whatever god you believe in that you NEVER know the darkness that I have seen!
[pause]
Margret: So you're the janitor?
Weird Jimmy: [normal tone] Pretty much, yeah.
Chad & Margret: Let's move on.

Into the BasementEdit

Chad: Is this man bothering you, Libby? [referring to Lloyd]
Libby: Not really.
Chad: Hey Lloyd, let me see that cookie for a second.
Lloyd: [gives the cookie to Chad] Sure thing, Chad.
[Chad throws the cookie at Jeremey's helmet causing Lloyd to go get it, Chad takes Lloyd's seat]
Chad: He was bothering me! [laughs] That's a good one. Do you like jokes? I have more.
Libby: [shaking her head] No, I don't really like jokes or conversation. I prefer to sit in silence and pray.
Chad: Umm....yeah.
Libby: It was a joke, Chad.
Chad: Oh! [forced laughter]

The Basement Strikes BackEdit

Jeremey: [recalibrating the boiler] I think it's done! I think I finally did something right!
Weird Jimmy: That's what the last guy said. Right before everything went GLOOM!!! [laughs]

Weird Jimmy: Hey, guys. What would you do if I told you there were three killer robots waiting for us outside this door?
Chad: [giving normal response] Oh, I would hide and probably cry. You?
Jeremy: I would fight and smash!
Weird Jimmy: Well you're gonna need to do that.

The New EmployeeEdit

Chad: Robbie, how are you?
Robbie Johnson: Happier than I've ever been in my entire life! I'm back where I belong. Forever!
Margret: I want you to personally supervise Robbie's training, Chad. He's your...apprentice if you will.
Chad: What about Commander Wigstrom? He's my-
Margret: You are to stop wasting time with Jeremey and focus on Robbie, is that clear?
Chad: As you wish.
Margret: Is. That. Clear?
Chad: Yeah. As you wish mean o-
Margret: Good. Dismissed. [Chad and Robbie leave] Everything is happening exactly according to plan! [evil laugh]

First KissEdit

Robbie Johnson: All this food looks so foreign and exotic. I think I'll have the....pasta.
Chad: I'm going to start this special meal off with a delicious chocolatini.
Libby: I'm sorry Chad, Maggy said we couldn't order any alcohol.
Chad: Of course. How silly of me. I'm going to start this special meal off with some delicious....water.

Goodbye, ChadEdit

Chad: Clarissa. Looking lovely as ever!
Clarissa: When are we gonna go on that second date?
Chad: No-can-do. I'm seeing someone! Heh heh. Adios, muchacha!

Chad: [after reading Libby's farewell letter] Gone. Libby! NOOOOOOO- a marshmallow hits him in the face] Huh?
Marshmallow Bandit-o: Chad Vader!
Chad: Who the hell are you?
Marshmallow Bandit-o: It is I, Marshmallow Bandit-o.
Chad: [not even shaken] Uhh-huh.
Marshmallow Bandit-o: You would do well to cower before my might! I am your arch-nemesis.
Chad: You picked the wrong day to mess with me, nerd. [the Marshmallow Bandit-o spits a marshmallow at Chad] Don't make me destr- [the marhmallow hits him in the face] Eww.
Marshmallow Bandit-o: [laughs]

Bandito BeatdownEdit

Marshmallow Bandit-o: You may wonder, the details of my descent into villainy.
Chad: [immediately] Nope.

[Chad is chasing the Marshmallow Bandito with his lightsaber]
Marshmallow Bandit-o: Today, I flee my enemy! But soon, I'll-
[Chad uses the force to throw a package of paper towels at the Marshmallow Bandito]
Marshmallow Bandit-o: OW! I am defeated! I just want a ride home [Chad throws more stuff] Ahh!

Chad: You like marshmallow's huh? Well here's some marshmallows. Here's all you can eat!
Marshmallow Bandit-o: I don't even like marshm- [Chad stuffs a marshmallow into the Marshmallow Bandito's mouth]
Chad: Eat! Eat! [stuff more into his mouth; and laughs evilly with pleasure] Yeah! They're free this time! [laughs even more and is stuffing marshmallows into the Marshmallow Bandito's face; his laughter slowly turns to crying] LIBBY!!

Jeremy: ....they went out. And they didn't even invite me. I just feel so betrayed!
Weird Jimmy: So you ratted him out. YOU TRAITOROUS SWINE!!

ShowdownEdit

Jeremey: Becoming general manager? That would fulfill Grandpa Wigstrom's dying wish!
[flashback]
Grandpa Wigstrom's Voice: My boy! I want you to manage something, like a store! That is my wish for you.
Jeremey's Voice: Your dying wish, grandpa?
Grandpa Wigstrom's Voice: I'm not dying! Who said I w- GAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
Jeremey's Voice: Ah! I didn't do it!

Lloyd: Hey! Chad have you met the new employee yet?
Chad: Nope. Is he cool?
Sean Banditson: CHAD VADER! The Marshmallow Bandito returns!
[Chad grunts in annoyance]
Sean: Although, now you can refer to me as Sean Banditson...my real name.
Chad: Wait! You're not the new-- Oh no!
Sean: Rent was due, and the white make-up made me get a rash. So now I am here to make minimum wage, and make your life a maximum hell! [laughs evilly]

Somebody DiesEdit

Chad Vader: [during the lightsaber duel] You have learned much.
Jeremy: You'll find I'm full of surprises!

Weird Jimmy: [sees a customer during Chad and Jeremy's Lightsaber duel] Hey guys! Customer.
[Chad and Jeremy hide their lightsabers behind their backs]
Customer: [looking oddly at the two] Uhh...can you tell me where the baking soda is?
Chad and Jeremy: Aisle six.
[brief pause of staring]
Chad: Yep. [Jeremy nodds]
Customer: Thank you....[leaves]
Chad: See you later.

Chad Vader: Took my job. Took my meeting. Took my life. [weird Jimmy hurries to see Jeremy in trouble]
Jeremy: Jimmy, help!
Weird Jimmy: No way. I'm staying out of this.

Jeremy: [freaked out] Wh-what happened?!
Chad: You killed Weird Jimmy.
Jeremy: WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD!!

Jeremy: I can't believe everything worked out! And I didn't even get in trouble for killing someone!
[Weird Jimmy's ghost appears in front of Jeremy; who is surprised]
Weird Jimmy (Ghost): Hello....MURDERER!!!! [Jeremy shrieks and runs away, leaving Jimmy alone who laughs crazily]

Season ThreeEdit

Surveillance AssailantEdit

[during a lightsaber training battle with Chad]
Jeremy: I really feel like I'm getting to the point, where I'm gonna be- [CHad slaps him] Ow! Why did you do that?!
Chad: Didn't expect that did you?
Jeremy: NO!
Chad: That is today's lesson. Always expect the unexpected, especially in battle.
Jeremy: Okay, I'll expect....the unexpected....even if I- [Chad slaps him again] Ow! You did it again!
Chad: See? You're not expecting the unexpected enough.

[Jeremy is sneaking around trying to expect the unexpected]
Jeremy: ....the unexpected.......the unexpected.....
[Weird Jimmy's ghost suddenly appears]
Weird Jimmy (Ghost): YOU KILLED ME!
Jeremy: I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT!!!
Weird Jimmy(Ghost): [laughing crazily] Vengeance from beyond the grave!
[Jeremy falls down and rises with a cone on his head, Jimmy laughs on]
Weird Jimmy: I love being dead.

Margret: Who will be our first manager-for-a-day Chad? I don't have all year.
Chad: My first choice if Jeremy.
Margret: No way! He had his chance and he screwed the pooch.
Chad: Well I don't know who to pick! The rest of these clowns are barely qualified to scrub out the toilets!
Margret: Not my problem...yours. You know Chad, I know I make fun of you a lot, mailny because you're dumb and I don't like you, but Im really trying to turn a corner on that. I want us to be......friends.
Chad: I don't want that.
Margret: Well too bad, you don't have a choice. [threatening] I want you to make a decision by three 'o clock or else...[smiles] buddy.

Rockets and ChaosEdit

[Jeremy is carrying a lot of plastic bottles full of soda]
Weird Jimmy: [Weird Jimmy's ghost appears out of no where] Don't drop them!!
Jeremy: AHH! [drops all the bottles] Weird Jimmy's ghost again?! [moves to run but slips on the bottles and falls to the ground]
Weird Jimmy: Heh heh heh....spazz.

Unidentified EpisodeEdit

Chad: What is thy bidding, my Master?

Chad: Strike me down with your hate and claim your refund!

Chad: I sense a disturbance in the store....

Chad: Can someone have this droid repaired?

Chad: I searched my feelings--all of them!

Chad: I spy on people every day, and I don't need to go where they are to do it.

Chad: I ended the sale. Pray I don't...end the sale any further.

Chad: What do you mean error 412?! I've checked the manual--there is no such error! Now do my job! DO! MY! JOB!!!

Chad: Admiral, you came out of light-speed too close to the system! [Imitates laser sounds]

Chad: Your baby is ugly!

Chad: And now, witness the true product scanning power of this fully armed and operational laser check-out system!

[before he and Jeremy begin their lightsaber duel, Jeremy takes out an oddly constructed Lightsaber handle]
Chad: I see you have constructed a new lightsaber...it looks like a piece of crap.

[after using force lightning on a cleaning droid]
Chad: Well....I didn't know I could do that!

Chad: And this ladies is Meat Sector One. And this unfortunately is Lloyd...

Chad: [working with a power drill] ....Well.....I'm glad I did that.

practicing aiming with his force lightning, not doing so well]
Chad: This is harder than bowling!

Chad: What would he want in the ba-oh crap!

Chad: You picked the wrong day to mess with me, nerd!

Chad: Oh, night terrors again.

Jeremy: Something alive in here. I've got a bad feeling about this....

Jeremy: There's a guy sleeping on the meat!!

Jeremy: Lord Vader, there's a dog loose in the store!

Clarissa Why don't you do something with your life and stop being so lame?!

Clint: And once more, I hate you. You're a total A-hole. A total asshole.

Margret: Everything is happening exactly according to plan.... [evil laugh]

Margret: [after she tells Chad Libby was deported] She left this for you. I was gonna burn it, but I couldn't find any matches.

Margret: Jimmy has not showed up to work for the past two days. If anybody knows his whereabouts please let me know as.....wait on second thought, don't waste my time.

Margret: ...and if you're late again, you will be dismissed, and I will come after your family.

Weird Jimmy: I believe in you Chad! And I also believe in elves.
Weird Jimmy: When you wake up all sweaty and nervous you'd better pray to whatever god you believe that you never know the darkness i have seen!
Robbie Johnson: I'm gonna go that that store across the street. I wanna stay drunk forever!

CastEdit

  • Chad Vader - Aaron Yonda/voiced by Matt Sloan

External linksEdit