Cecil B. Demented
2000 American black comedy film directed by John Waters
- Written and directed by John Waters.
Cecil B. DementedEdit
- We've all taken a vow of celibacy for celluloid. No one gets laid until we finish our movie. We're horny, but our film comes first.
- Blue balls for celluloid!
- I'm a prophet against profit!
- The slash and burn of the white-hot metal will brand you forever with the logo of Cecil B. Demented. Wear the privileged scar of cinema sainthood with pride and horniness.
- Power to the people who punish bad cinema!
- Family is just a dirty word for censorship!
- Hi. I played you in lots of porno movies. Some Kind of Happiness, I've already shot it. Only it's called Some Kind of Horniness.
- When I was ten years old my entire family fucked me under the Christmas tree!
- Dear Diary, another day, and it's the same old thing. Every where I go, everything I do just seems to lead to the same dead end: my derrière.
- Porno fans! It's me, Cherish, and I need your hardcore help!
- Satan says you need more color!
- I mean, my father is Zozo, the three-headed guard dog at the gates of hell.
- It's goat urine!
- Theater Marquee: Pauly Shore marathon, 4 comedy classics!!!!
- Fidget: Hey hey MPAA, how many movies did you censor today?
- Lyle: [running in place] Help! Cherish! I'm stuck in a K-hole and I can't get out!
- Angry Moviegoer: I walk out of your films, on airplanes!
- Honey Whitlock: Look at this dump of a town. Get me the fuck back to LA, God, if one more asshole mentions a crab cake to me I'm going to puke.
- Libby: Well did you try the steamed crabs, they're red and really... tasty.
- Honey Whitlock: No, I did not! I'm not interested in any kind of meal that you have to beat with a fucking mallet wearing some stupid kind of little bib!
- Honey Whitlock: Libby, do you think that Pat Nixon got fucked in this hotel room?
- Libby: What?
- Honey Whitlock: It is called the Presidential Suite, isn't it?
- Libby: Yes, but...
- Honey Whitlock: I bet she did. Call the manager and ask him.
- Libby: I can't ask that! Pat Nixon was a stroke victim!
- Honey Whitlock: I believe it is your job to ask, is it not? Now call downstairs and ask the manager if Pat Nixon got fucked in my hotel room. I want to know.
- Honey Whitlock: A WHITE fucking LIMOUSINE?!
- Libby: Nobody will know, we're in Baltimore!
- Honey Whitlock: Do I look like Liberace's god-damn boyfriend for Christ sake? I have black limousine only in my contract!
- Libby: The charity probably made the arrangement, it was a honest mistake.
- Honey Whitlock: Do I look like a coke dealer?!
- Libby: No, Ms. Whitlock.
- Honey Whitlock: Do I look like I am going to the FUCKING PROM?!
- Sylvia Mallory: This is William. William had heart surgery just seven days ago, and thanks to the blood transfusions paid for by your generosity at tonight's premier, he's going to be alright. Aren't you William?
- William: I don't want to be here!
- Sylvia Mallory: William's a little grumpy.
- William: Get off of me, ugly!
- Sylvia Mallory: But he's alive! And that's what counts.
- Honey Whitlock: Ow ow ow ow ow ow OW! I don't want to be blonde!
- Rodney: You're going off the deep end of the Clairol color chart!
- Honey Whitlock: How can you be a drug addict in the new millennium? It's so retro.
- Lyle: Before I was a drug addict, I had so many different problems. Now I just have one: drugs. Gave my life real focus.
- Raven: My father is Zozo, the three-headed guard dog at the gates of Hell.
- Honey Whitlock: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Honey Whitlock: Ow Rodney, why do you have to hurt me? Gay men are supposed to be gentle!
- Rodney: That's just it, Honey, I'm not gay. I'm straight and I fucking hate it! Petey loves me and I can't love him back. I tried. I kiss him, and all I feel is whiskers. I can't take that certain thickness in his pants. I'm ashamed of my heterosexuality!
- Forrest Gump: Hello. My name's Forrest. Forrest Gump.
- Bench Waiter: That's a damn shame.
- Demented forever!
- Long live guerrilla film making!