Castle (season 2)

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Castle (2009-2016) is an American comedy-drama television series, airing on ABC, about a mystery writer, Richard Castle, becoming involved in investigating murders after a copycat killer uses his novels as inspiration and he decides to base a series of novels on the lead investigator, Detective Kate Beckett.

Deep in Death [2.1]

Esposito: [About the bachelor-party cop twins' uniforms at the photo shoot] Hey, Beckett, how come you don't wear a uniform like that?

Beckett: Because I don't want to be paid in singles.

Ryan: Guy in a tree; Mom and Dad bickering. Seems like old times!

Esposito: Mm-hmm!

Beckett: [to Lanie who is examining a body in a tree] How's it going up there?

Lanie: I got tree branches poking my boobs and a spotlight shining up my booty.

Esposito: Could be worse. You could be wearing a skirt.

Lanie: [pause] When I get down there, I'mma smack you.

Esposito: Looking forward to that.

Castle: [About what he found about Beckett's mother] What was I suppose to do? Not tell her what I found?

Lanie: [Surprised] What you found?

Castle: Oh she didn't tell you, did she? Three people were killed the same way her mother was, right about the same time. One of them was a former law student of hers, another one a documents clerk, the third one a lawyer for a non-profit.

Lanie: Wait, the M.E. at the time didn't make the connection?

Castle: If he did, he buried it.

Lanie: Did you talk to him?

Castle: He died four years ago. So you see why I had to tell her.

Lanie: [examining Castle after the car crash] He'll live.

Ryan: What no brain damage?

Lanie: If he has some, it happened way before tonight and was probably self inflicted.

Castle: Ahh, good times.

Esposito: You know what I don't get? Who would steal a dead body?

Castle: Oh, plenty of people. Organ harvesters, cadaver-less med students, Satanists. [pause] Mad scientists looking to create their own monster.

Beckett: Or the guys who killed him might have left some evidence behind.

Castle: Boring. How about a spy having swallowed a microchip that the enemy spies murder him over before the CIA can get ahold of him?

Castle: You want me to put on some music? Whenever they do this sort of thing on CSI, they always do it to music in poorly lit rooms. Kinda reminds me of porn.

Beckett: *in a Russian accent* Sometimes when I am bored, I go to Glechik Cafe in Little Odessa and pretend to be Muscovite.

Esposito: Now that's kinda hot!

Castle: She may have built up a wall between us, but I am going to build a door in that wall. Or put up a ladder. [thinking] Or dig a hole.

The Double Down [2.2]

Beckett: [written on a therapist's body] "Psycho the rapist your out of time"?

Lanie: Looks like a patient lost their patience.

Castle: Also his command of grammar. "Your" should be You-apostrophe-R-E as in "you are." That's not even a tough one, not like when to use "who" or "whom."

Beckett: You really think that's the take-away here, Castle?

Castle: I'm just saying - whoever killed her also murdered the English language.

[After Beckett discovers that Castle placed a bet with Esposito and Ryan over who would solve their murder first]

Castle: Listen, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, I just-

Roselyn: Beckett, you are never gonna believe this.

Beckett: Oh, the bar on "unbelievable" is pretty high right now.

Roselyn: The vic's husband took out a three-million dollar life insurance policy on his wife last month.

Beckett: [to Castle] $100 on us.

[After Ryan and Esposito catch a break in their case]

Castle: I've got a bad feeling about this.

Beckett: Are we really rooting against solving a murder?

Castle: Well, I don't want to shave my head! Do you?

Beckett: Why would I shave my head?

Castle: You're in on the bet, aren't you?

Beckett: Yeah, but I didn't realize-

[Castle imitates electric razor]

Castle: It's a common mistake, but it's not ironic that Dr. Cosway's not here for you to lean on. It's just simply tragic. It would be ironic if her death made you feel better.

[Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito are at dead ends in their respective cases]

Beckett: We'll start over. Fresh eyes. You take our murder, we'll take yours.

Esposito: All right.

Castle: [a thought strikes him] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again.

Beckett: [confused] "You take our murder, we'll take yours".

Castle: Could it be that easy? You take mine, I'll take yours.

Esposito: What are you getting at, Castle?

Castle: Strangers on a Train.

Ryan: The Hitchcock movie?

Castle: I'm partial to the novel by Patricia Highsmith, but yes. We have two strong suspects, but with airtight alibis, right?

Esposito: Right.

Castle: We know they're connected. What if the connection is the killers?

Beckett: Jason and Eric committed each other's murders.

Castle: And made sure they had an airtight alibi for the murder they knew they'd be suspected of. It's not our victims that are connected, it's our murderers. Crisscross!

Esposito: Lanie ran the substance on our vics against the Hudson River water. It's a match.

Ryan: Marx gets on the boat uptown, Cosway joins him at Chelsea Piers, and they ride to Pier 11 together.

Castle: So one day, maybe they start talking. Maybe about the Yankee bullpen, maybe about the attractive secretary leaning up against the railing. Oh, and Jason starts grumbling about his wife. Eric maybe mentions how he covets Frank's apartment.

Esposito: Yeah, well, there's an open upper deck. I figure that's where they were doing their plottin'.

Beckett: And how the water from the Hudson got on both of them.

Castle: It gets transferred from Eric Marx's jacket and gloves to Ashley Cosway when they struggle.

Esposito: Then to Frank Anderson when Jason Cosway swipes his watch and wallet.

Ryan: Done deal.

Beckett: Except it's all circumstantial. The DA will never buy it without hard evidence or a confession.

Esposito: Oh, we're gonna get a confession.

[Beckett and Castle scoff as they look at each other and then back at Ryan and Esposito]

Castle: Not if we get one first.

Ryan: So, bet's back on?

Beckett: [getting in his face] You bet your britches the bet is back on.

Inventing the Girl [2.3]

[A murder calls Castle away from an ad-hoc play rehearsal with his mother]

Alexis: Take me with you!

Castle: To a crime scene?

Alexis: It'd be educational. Please?

Castle: Find your own hiding place.

[Explaining why they should continue ad-hoc play rehearsal]

Martha: If it’s a hit, who knows how long it could run? Then I could take it on the road.

Alexis: You mean you’d leave us?

Martha: Well, only for nine months of the year. [noticing Alexis’ concerned expression] Oh, don’t look so sad. [noticing Castle’s dreamy expression] And, you, don’t look so happy.

[Beckett and Castle working to learn the victim’s identity and where she might have been]

Castle: Well, she’s tall, she’s gorgeous, 10 pounds underweight. Her hair is fried, she’s wearing too much eye makeup. She’s a model. Which means she was probably at a club last night. It is, after all, Fashion Week, when all the hottest women in the world descend upon the hippest nightspots like locusts. Only, locusts eat.

Esposito: Castle, hey, is your, your girl here?

Ryan: Rina.

Beckett: Rina used to baby-sit Alexis, fellas. So, as far as Big Rick here is concerned, she might as well be wearing a chastity belt.

Castle: Thank you for that visual image. That’s… And also, thank you for calling me “Big Rick”.

[Castle discovers why Beckett was upset with him]

Castle: Wait, is that why you’ve been so upset? Because I let her [Cosmo reporter] read it before you?

Beckett: I am the inspiration. I should be reading it before a reporter does.

Castle: Why didn’t you just say so?

Beckett: Why didn’t you just give it to me?

Castle: Why didn’t you ask?

Beckett: Why didn’t it occur to you?

[Brief pause, and then he realizes she has a point]

Castle: You’ll have it by tomorrow.

Beckett: Good.

Castle: Good.

[After Castle leaves, Beckett turns on her computer, only to find a snapshot of her modeling for tennis agency]

Ryan: Looking good, Detective Beckett.

[Looks over and sees Ryan and Esposito grinning at her.]

Beckett: How did you guys…

Ryan: We’re detectives

Esposito: Called your dad.

Beckett: [Rising up and walking over to them] Okay, okay, you guys have had your fun. I was 17 and I thought that modeling would be an easier way to make money than waitressing.

Esposito: Right.

Beckett: It was one summer, no big deal. [Turns and walks away, but snaps her fingers and turns back] And if you guys tell Castle about this, I will kill you.

Fool Me Once [2.4]

Castle: You don't think Fletcher's telling Jerry the truth?

Beckett: That he's suddenly a con-man with a heart of gold? No. That's just another con.

Castle: Wait, you don't think people can change?

Beckett: No. I've seen too many repeat offenders to believe for one second that a guy who promises never to beat his wife again actually won't.

Castle: That's a pretty bleak attitude.

Beckett: Not bleak - realistic.

Castle: [on CIA Agent Gray] This man is a machine. I've interviewed serial killers, hitmen. Agent Gray?

Beckett: Mm-hmm?

Castle: By far, the most dangerous man I've ever met. [looks around and whispers] He once killed a North Korean agent with a melonballer.

Agent Gray: [suddenly appearing behind them] It was an ice cream scoop, Castle. And that information was supposed to remain private.

Castle: Sorry.

Beckett: I hate this case.

Castle: I know, isn't it great?!

Conman's fiance: He wasn't a con man. He was in the CIA.

Castle: [thrilled] Best case ever.

Beckett: [half-interrupting him] Shut up.

[When Beckett tells Castle she hasn’t read Heat Wave yet]

Castle: You were all over me to get a copy of that book. Do you have any idea how many hoops I had to jump through, just so my editor wouldn’t send an armed guard to watch over you while you read it? The least you could do is to… [pauses and looks at her] Oh. Oh! I see what you’re doing.

Beckett: I’m not doing anything.

Castle: Oh, yes, you are. Yes, you are. You’re trying to push my buttons, but it’s not gonna work.

Beckett: Really?

Castle: Mmm.

Beckett: ‘Cause it seems to be working just great. [smirks]

[Castle explaining his ‘case-breaking’ information]

Castle: Well, I went a little Daddy Dearest on Alexis. And it got me thinking, if I can go this crazy over a violin teacher, how crazy would I go if my daughter was about to marry a scam artist? Crazy enough to kill, maybe?

Beckett: That is…

Castle: Inspired?

Beckett: No.

Castle: Brilliant?

Beckett: Mm, mm.

Castle: Genius?

Beckett: Uh, uh.

Castle: What?

Beckett: Thin!

Castle: Oh.

Beckett: We don’t have the slightest indication that Elise’s father knew that Flectcher was a con artist.

[Ryan and Esposito walk in]

Ryan: Maybe not. But Castle here suggested that we check gun registration records for Gerry Finnegan.

Esposito: And guess who happens to own the same caliber handgun as our murder weapon?

Beckett: Who?

Esposito: Gerry Finnegan.

Beckett: Shut the front door!

Castle: No time for dirty talk, go get changed.

Castle: What good news?

Elise: Nothing.

Susan: Fletcher’s alive.

Castle: Best case ever!

[After Castle and Beckett figure out the case and realize who the killer is]

Mrs. Finnegan: But what about the phone call from Steven?

Castle: Well, she must’ve faked it somehow.

Mrs. Finnegan: Why?

Castle: Because…

Beckett and Castle: The con is still on!

Beckett: It’s really a kind of psychopathy. To be so cold that you can look someone in the eye, tell them that you love them, and then rob them blind without the slightest remorse.

Castle: [Blinks and holds up his hands] Whoa, I just flashed back to the eighth grade. [Indignant] Sherry Ort. Broke my heart, stole my lunch money.

[Cell phone rings and Beckett answers it]

Beckett: Beckett.

Castle: [raving on] Then she laughed about it with her friends.

When the Bough Breaks [2.5]

[Castle has arrived late to a crime scene]

Esposito: Yeah, it's too bad, too. Your kind of case, bro'.

Castle: Yeah?

Ryan: Yeah, body was found down that manhole over there. Half eaten.

Castle: Eaten?

Ryan: Yeah, it was covered in some kind of green slime.

Castle: Whoa...

Esposito: Yeah, it was creepy. It's as if someone or some thing is down there.

Castle: [Catching on] Ha, that's... okay. Very funny. Great. [To Beckett] Was there a body down the manhole?

Beckett: Yeah.

Castle: Okay, thank you. An adult.

Beckett: Yeah, you should have seen what else was down there. Two metal canisters with bio-hazard stickers and yellow powder inside of them.

Castle: You opened the... [the detectives smirk] Alright. Will someone please tell me what's really going on here?

Ryan: We're gonna check nearby trash cans for the murder weapon.

Castle: What was the murder weapon, by the way?

Ryan: Some kind of death ray.

Esposito: Turns your insides out.

[At the book launch party for "Heat Wave", Beckett learned earlier that Castle had an offer for writing three books about "a certain british secret agent"]

Beckett: [Having read the dedication in the "Heat Wave" book] I was just, eh, the, eh, the dedication, wow, thank you...

Castle: I meant it, you are extraordinary. Listen, I was thinking - [Beckett listening in anticipation] what if the wife got onto the affair?

Beckett: [Surprised] Melissa Talbert? Our killer?

Castle: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

Beckett: Well ... Anything's possible, I didn't see it that way.

Castle: Huh, you're saying that because you've never been scorned...

Beckett: What makes you say that?

Castle: Well, come on, what man has ever turned you away?

Beckett: [Looking uncomfortable] So, any word on a certain british secret agent who shall not be named?

Castle: I got the official offer!

Beckett: [Looking disappointed by the expectation of their relationship ending] Wow, congratulations!

Castle: I haven't accepted it yet.

Beckett: But you're going to, aren't you?

Castle: Wait, you think I should?

Beckett: Yeah, I mean is there a reason why you wouldn't?

Castle: So you'd be OK if I didn't write another "Nikki Heat"?

Beckett: [Laughing] I mean, why wouldn't I? It's not like I asked you to write the first one...

Castle: You know, a lot of people would be flattered if someone chose to write a book based on them...

Beckett: Flattered? Do you have any idea how much grief I've had to put up with over this "Nikki Heat"-thing?

Castle: Gee, I'm sorry...

[after the case is solved Castle and Beckett come down a staircase]

Beckett: Thank you, Castle, I, uhm, never would have been able to solve this case without your help.

[awkward pause]

Beckett: Well, uh, good luck on your new book, I know that you'll do it proud.

Castle: Thanks [reaches out for Beckett] you take care of yourself [they shake hands] and...

[both cellphones ring]

Castle: My agent...

Beckett: It's the ... uh ... station... I, you know you better get that...

Castle: Yeah - hey Paula!

Beckett: Beckett

Castle: Ahah, really? [to Beckett] First day, "Heat Wave" sales through the roof!

Beckett: [to Castle] I'm on hold for Captain Montgomery

Castle: [to Beckett] Reviews are raves!

Beckett: Yes, Captain

Castle: Would I be interested in doing three more "Nikki Heats"?

Beckett: Yes, I am aware that the mayor is facing a tough re-election this year...

Castle: I'm sorry, how much?!?

Beckett: No, I would love to help the department out in every way I could...

Castle: No, no, forget the other offer, for that kind of money I'll do a dozen "Nikki Heats"!

Beckett: [flabbergasted] He wants me to what?

Castle: Oh, well that was kind of a one-time only situation with her and me...

Beckett: Three books? That would take forever!

Castle: You already spoke to the mayor?

Beckett: [to Castle, whispering] I can kill you!

Castle: [looking flabbergasted]

Beckett: No, no, no, no sir, I wasn't talking to you! I, uh, no need to thank me sir, I am happy to help his honour out in any way I can... [hanging up]

Castle: Uh-huh, you know what, I think ... I'm gonna, Paula, I'm gonna ... I'll call you back... [hanging up]

Castle: [to Beckett] I had nothing to do with that phonecall!

[Beckett's phone ringing]

Beckett: What? [listening to the phone] OK, I'll be right there! [starting to walk away]

Castle: [looking confused] Where are you going?

Beckett: That was Esposito, there's been a murder. [turning around] Are you coming or what?

Castle: [hastens towards Beckett]

Beckett: Do you really expect me to believe you had nothing to do with that phonecall?

Castle: I swear I had nothing to do!

Beckett: Swear a little harder Castle, I don't believe you!

Castle: I swear!

[Episode ends]

Vampire Weekend [2.6]

[Castle enters the room, dressed as Mal from Firefly]

Alexis: Hey.

Castle: Hey... I was just trying on my Halloween costume.

Alexis: What exactly are you supposed to be?

Castle: Space cowboy.

Alexis: Okay. A: there are no cows in space. B: didn't you wear that, like, five years ago?

Castle: So?

Alexis: So, don't you think you should move on?

Castle: I like it.

Castle: [to Alexis] If any of those senior boys bother you... father won't be quite himself. [activates pumpkin drill, laughs maniacally, coughs]

[Castle relates a traumatizing childhood experience that spurred him to become a mystery writer]

Castle: It must have just happened, because the tide hadn't washed away the blood. We had just played hide-and-go-seek the day before.

Beckett: What happened to him?

Castle: They never found out.

Beckett: I'm so sorry, Castle. [Slowly he looks up at her and smirks. In realization;] You made that up?

Castle: It's what I do!

Beckett: You know what? You are so getting it for that one!

[Castle, Beckett and Esposito staring at Ryan’s familiarity with vampires and covens]

Ryan: What? [reluctantly] I used to go out with a girl who was into the lifestyle.

Esposito: What happened? Did the relationship suck?

Castle: Oh!

[The two chuckle and tap fingers]

Ryan: She wanted to have sex in a coffin. I'm opened-mind, but not that open-minded...

Famous Last Words [2.7]

Castle: What?

Beckett: Nothing... it's just I'm so used to seeing you act like a 12-year-old all the time, it's refreshing to see you as a father.

Castle: It makes you want me, right?

Beckett: ...And there's the 12-year-old again.

Castle: Does he look like a killer to you?

Beckett: Everybody looks like a killer to me, Castle. Job requirement

Castle: Do I look like a killer to you?

Beckett: Yes, you kill my patience.

Esposito: Found your stalker. Franco Marquez, aka Frankie Markie. Hayley filed half a dozen complaints against him. It says here that he even tried to break into her apartment. And when she filed against him, he showed up in court and called her a...[sees Alexis] B-I-T-C-H.

Castle: She can spell, Detective.

Ryan: Probably better than you

Castle: And you will go off to school.

Alexis: But I was just helpful.

Castle: Yes, but if I let you out of class every time you were helpful, you'd never go.

Alexis: But I won't be able to focus on school today. I just can't concentrate.

Castle: Which will make you just like all the other kids in your class.

[Beckett speaking to a drunk Sky, who slipped on the ground]

Sky: What do you want? ‘Cause I’m talking to my sister.

Beckett: I’m Detective Kate Beckett. I’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s okay.

Sky: You’re a cop?

Beckett: Yeah. Is that a knife?

Sky: Am I breaking the law?

Beckett: Yeah.

Sky: Bad?

Beckett: Pretty bad.

[After a moment, Sky hands Beckett the knife and bottle]

Castle: [walking in] I was just thinking, if she was using again, that would explain why she left her producers, but not why she was killed, who killed her, or why she went to the po…lice. [noticing Beckett’s expression as she put down the phone] What I just said was not confusing enough for your face to do what it’s doing.

Beckett: That was Perlmutter. That tox results just got back from the lab. There were no drugs in Hayley’s system. She was 100% clean and sober.

Castle: Then why was she giving a wad of cash to Tony the drug dealer?

[Beckett grabs a bowl of mints, sets it down in front of Castle and the two thoughtfully chew on one]

Beckett: So, someone attacked her, someone she was afraid of. She tries to shoot them. And in the struggle, the assailant breaks her neck, drags her down an alleyway, hangs her upside-down, paints a smile on her face, which- [realizing how ridiculous she sounds] apparently was a lot like a music video that has nothing to do with our murder,

Castle: You thought you sounded so smart when you started that sentence, didn’t you?

Castle: If you killed someone, you would tell me, right?

Alexis: Of course. I’d need help hiding the body.

Castle: Ah, haha. That’s my girl.

[talking about Haley’s final song, Threshold]

Castle: Yeah. Sound pretty. Little creepy, though.

Martha: Very creepy.

Alexis: How’s it creepy?

Castle: “Death, she grows near”? It’s kind of like Final Destination, but in song form.

Alexis: She doesn’t mean “death” death.

Castle: Well, what other kinds of death are there?

Alexis: Allegorical, metaphoric, symbolic, spiritual, emotional, sexual –

Castle: Okay, okay, that’s quite enough. I think I’m paying far too much for her education.

Kill the Messenger [2.8]

[after a SWAT team breaks into an apartment]

Esposito: Where's Nidal Metar? Shakir Nidal Metar! Where is he?

Tenant: There's no Shakir Nidal Metar here! Only Sally Neidermeyer!

Beckett: Ma'am, did you send a package by bike courier this morning?

Tenant: Yes, I did!

Beckett: "S. Nidal Metar?" S. Neidermeyer! Some bozo at the courier company wrote the name wrong.

Castle: Our bad. Uh, we can -

Ryan: - Yeah, we can fix this.

Castle: [lifting the door] Sorry.

[They screw the door back into its frame]

[as Det. Beckett speaks with the victim's sister]

Castle: How does she do that?

Montgomery: Better than anyone I know.

[M.E. Perlmutter eats his lunch on an examination table in the morgue]

Castle: Are you sure it's sanitary to be eating here?

Perlmutter: Do you know the strength of the disinfectants we use here? This is the cleanest room in the city. [offers his sandwich to Castle]

Castle: I couldn't.

Perlmutter: Homemade.

Castle: I couldn't.

Montgomery: If there's one thing I hate, it's a dirtbag in uniform.

Beckett: [arriving on the scene of the crime] So, what do we got?

Castle: May I?

Esposito: Be my guest.

Castle: Thank you. Our victim’s name is Caleb Shimky…

Esposito: Shimansky.

Castle: Is that an A?

Esposito: Yeah, it’s an A.

Castle: And he was pulling a Kevin Bacon in Quicksilver when all of-

Beckett: I’m sorry, a what?

Castle: Quicksilver. [Beckett shakes her head] Kevin Bacon is a bike messenger who failed as a-

Beckett: [turns to Esposito] Esposito, take him to school.

Esposito: The victim is Caleb Shimansky, an on-duty bike messenger. Masked suspect in a black 4-door plows into him, killing him instantly. The suspect steals the messenger bag, jumps in his ride and jets off.

Beckett: [looking back at Castle] See, that wasn’t so hard.

Castle: No, no, it’s good, if you like the dull, non-best-seller version.

Esposito: I thought I gave it some flair.

Beckett: Well, it says here that Olivia went to a party earlier the night she was killed.

Montgomery: Says here the Pierson Club.

Castle: Pierson Club? That’s high society, that’s crème de la crème. My money goes in banks, their money buys banks.

Beckett: Were the two of you dating?

Dilahunt: Uh, no, just friends. What? Can’t a guy and a girl just be friends?

Castle: Please.

Dilahunt: Are you two together?

Castle: [simultaneously] Not yet.

Beckett: [simultaneously] Absolutely not.

Montgomery: Never let the job get in the way of the job.

Blake Wellesley: I speak for the entire Wellesley family when I say you can expect our full cooperation in this investigation.

Castle: But? You can tell, there’s a “but” coming.

Blake: Not a “but”, a “however”. Like I said, we’ll cooperate, however, we request these unannounced interviews come to a stop.

Beckett: Here we go.

Montgomery: Beckett, let’s hear him out.

Blake: I apologize if I’m coming off like one of those guys, Detective. It’s just that these impromptu visits are a bit awkward. My nephew Trent said you spoke to him when he visited my mother. Mother became very confused, very upset. I’m sure there’s a better way to facilitate this.

Beckett: Like what?

Blake: Well, I propose that all further interviews be coordinated by me and conducted at my offices. What do you think?

Montgomery: Thank you for your offer, Mr. Wellesley. It’s very nice of you.

Blake: [rising up from his seat] Not at all. I’ll give you my number-

Montgomery: Hold on. I, too, have a “however”. Thank you for your offer, however, my detectives will conduct their investigation in any manner they see fit.

Blake: Captain, I can get the commissioner on the phone in under a minute.

Montgomery: Well, tell him I said hi, and I could really use a raise. [Rising up] I think we’re done here. [Lets out his hand to shake, but Blake walks away. After he leaves…]

Castle: That was awesome!

Montgomery: Whatever you guys are doing, keep doing it. They’re circling the wagons.

Castle: [rising up, and pointing at Montgomery with a grin] Awesome!

Martha: What will Chet think if he expects 1980s Martha, and present-day Martha shows up?

Castle: You tell anyone I said this, and I’ll deny it. And I’m only gonna say it once; 1980s Martha was pretty great, but present-day Martha is pretty spectacular, too.

Alexis: I can’t believe how many lives were ruined over one woman’s need to protect her family’s reputation.

Castle: You will never have this problem. Between Grams and myself, our family reputation’s already in ruins.

Alexis: Mmm. Lucky me.

Love Me Dead [2.9]

Norman Jessup: I've always been good with locks. When I was in the joint, I was thinking how can I take this and make it more productive, you know? So, I've been applying for locksmith schools, but, you know, they won't let me in on account that I'm a felon. Can you believe that?

Kate Beckett: A felon who wants to be a locksmith. What could possibly go wrong there?

Kate Beckett: How does a prosecutor get into business with a criminal?

Rick Castle: Well, it's hard out there for a pimp who's also a DA. Ooh, that be a good character for a novel. A star prosecutor who's always excelled at everything he's ever done. He couldn't possibly imagine that being a pimp would be a bigger job than he can handle by himself. But one day he gets a call, one of his girls has been knocked around by a client. He realises there's nothing he can do about it, he's a very public figure. So, a white collar prosecutor decides to hire a blue collared enforcer. Can't exactly take out an ad on Craigslist for that. But fortunately enough, he has a big stack of qualified candidates sitting right on his desk.

Kate Beckett: Which is where he found John Knox. A criminal who mostly managed to stay out of prison.

Rick Castle: Which makes him a smart criminal.

Kate Beckett: Yeah.

Rick Castle: Buckley offers him a deal. Come work for me, I'll throw your case. And Knox does. For a while, everyone's happy. But then Knox decides he's not happy being number two anymore. He takes Buckley's client list, tells Buckley to take a hike.

Kate Beckett: Knowing that Buckley can't do anything about it without risking exposure.

Rick Castle: But Buckley's never backed down from a fight in his life. He gets the cops to drag Knox down to his office to remind him who's boss.

Kate Beckett: But Knox took it up a notch, sending a warning shot across Buckley's bow by threatening his brother-in-law.

Rick Castle: And when Buckely wouldn't back down, Knox threw him off the roof of the parking garage.

Kate Beckett: Jeez, if only we had some proof.

Rick Castle: Who needs proof? What a great story.

Castle: Thanks.

Beckett: For what?

Castle: For not saying "I told you so."

Beckett: Oh, that starts tomorrow.

One Man's Treasure [2.10]

Castle [after seeing Alexis dressed maturely for work]: Did that ever happen to you with me? One day you look and see your boy all grown up?

Martha: I’m still waiting for that moment, actually.

Castle: ...I set you up for that, didn’t I?

Castle [to Beckett]: That was pretty cool, the way you filled in the story there. I think I must be rubbing off on you... That sounded dirtier than I meant it.

Montgomery: [looking in the room] Is that our vic’s wife?

Beckett: Fiancée.

Castle: [pointing to the other room] The wife is over there.

Montgomery: Come again?

Beckett: [tilts her head toward one room] Fiancée.

Montgomery: Mmm-hmm.

Beckett: [tilts head toward the other room] Wife.

Montgomery: Hmm. [chuckles] Oh, boy.

Castle: I know, isn’t it delicious?

Beckett: …but changing your identity? The math doesn’t quite add up for me.

Castle: You know what math doesn’t add up for me? Two wives.

Beckett: One wife too many for you?

Castle: Two wives too many.

Beckett: Seems like the common denominator in that equation is you.

Castle: Well?

Beckett: Alexis? She’s fine.

Castle: You know, her first day at preschool, I hid outside in the bushes all day just to make sure she was all right.

Montgomery: First time my son went to summer camp, I followed the bus all the way to the Adirondacks.

[Two laugh together]

Beckett: You two are both either very sweet or very creepy.

Ryan: …Maybe it was a pride thing.

Castle: Yeah, but you factor in the sublet, not to mention gas, that’s a high price to pay for pride.

Beckett: Yeah, well, never underestimate the fragility of the male ego.

Ryan: Oh, see, that’s just a stereotype-

Castle: Don’t. Don’t. That’s… She is baiting us, all right. Just ignore her, and she’ll lose her witchy powers.

Beckett: You wish. All right, let’s go off to Parker’s office. [As they rise, Beckett looks around and checks her pockets]

Castle: Lose something?

Beckett: Um, where… where, um… Where’s my broom?

[Castle laughs sarcastically]

Castle: A wife and fiancée catfight! Please tell me we can stop for popcorn on the way.

The Fifth Bullet [2.11]

Martha: What if it doesn't work out? What if it does?

Castle: That's the cost of living.

Castle: This is dead. You're not. Time to start making new memories

Martha: How did you get so smart?

Darius: This is crazy. I told you already, I was in class when Mr. Fink was killed.

Beckett: Nobody remembers seeing you there.

Darius: I sat in the back.

Castle: The naughty kids always do.

A Rose For Everafter [2.12]

Kyra Blaine: Of all the murders, in all the cities, at all the weddings, and you walk into mine.

Ryan: All day yesterday, I kept feeling like I'd heard the name Kyra Blaine before. And then it hits me. The dedication of Castle's second book, A Rose For Everafter.

Esposito: "For Kyra Blaine. You make the stars shine."

Beckett: When I'm not here, do you guys braid each other's hair and debate who's the coolest Jonas brother?

Esposito: No. But it's totally Nick.

Ryan: Absolutely Nick.

Lanie: [amused] Girl, I’m gonna smack you! You work side by side everyday. He writes a sex scene in his book about you that had me reaching for ice water. Now, little miss bride shows up. Don’t tell me you’re not the least bit jealous.

Beckett: Oh, please. You’ve been inhaling too many autopsy fluids. [Beckett begins to leave the room.]

Lanie: Honey, just because you can’t see whats goin’ on [Voice escalates as Beckett starts leaving] doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t see what’s going on!

Beckett: [from outside the room, in a singsong] Shut up!

Lanie: [to Sophie, the corpse] Mm-hmm. I see it. You may not, but I do.

[After Alexis tapes Castle to a chair and then tapes his mouth.]

Alexis: Okay, we’re off. And after, we might go shopping. [hugs him and comes away with his wallet and grabs a few bills] So, you don’t mind, right? [Castle exclaims] Oh, come on, Dad. We both know you’d have no respect for me if I didn't.

[Castle gives an agreeing nod]

Castle: Bridesmaid dresses are supposed to be hideous.

Esposito: Really? Why?

Beckett: So that the bride looks more beautiful in comparison.

Castle: Ah, see? Not a woman alive who doesn't think about her wedding day, not even Kate Beckett. Tell me you never tore a picture of a wedding gown out of a magazine.

Beckett: [pointedly] I've never torn a picture of a wedding gown out of a magazine. [walks away and smirks]

Castle: You’re lying. She’s lying

Ryan: Mmm-hmm.

Lanie: So, how’s everything going in the bridal suite? Not the day they had planned.

Beckett: Yeah, or the surprise guest. [Lanie gives her a questioning glance] Apparently, Castle has a history with the bride.

Lanie: Ancient, modern, or sexual?

Beckett: Seems like all of the above.

Lanie: You okay with that?

Beckett: Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? [Now Lanie gives her a skeptical glance] Just keep me posted on the labs.

Lanie: Mmm-hmm

Castle: Hello, Sheila.

Sheila Blaine: Richard. Figures you’d be at the heart of this mess.

Castle: Detective Beckett, this is Sheila Blaine, mother of the bride. So, I guess I didn't end up homeless or teaching at a third-rate college in New Hampshire after all.

Sheila: There’s still time.

Castle: I've missed our special talks. [to Beckett] Sheila didn't approve of struggling artists. [to Sheila] You must like Greg, though. He’s from money, right?

Sheila: It was never about the money, Richard. It was about character. And you would know that, if you had any.

Beckett: Wow! Just imagine, if things had worked out, you’d be spending Thanksgivings with her.

Beckett: Do you recognize these files, Mr. Murphy?

Ted Murphy: You went to my office?

Beckett: We got a warrant first. Don’t worry.

Murphy: Look, a layman like you couldn't possibly understand the financial and the legal complications of an estate like Greg’s.

Castle: I think he just called you stupid.

Kyra: [to Beckett] He’s all yours.

Sucker Punch [2.13]

Beckett: Ten years since we came home and found that detective waiting for us. Ten years since we crossed that yellow tape and went into that alley. And every time I cross the tape at a crime scene, I think of that night.

Castle: That's what makes you such a good cop.

Beckett: What if I let her down?

Castle: Do you know why I chose you as my inspiration for Nikki Heat?

Beckett: No. Why?

Castle: Because you're tall. [Beckett smiles and relaxes] Now go in there and do your job.

[Beckett has discovered who killed her mother, only to have to shoot him to save Castle's life]

Beckett: It wasn't your fault, you know.

Castle: I overstepped. I came down here to say that I'm sorry... and that I'm through. I can't shadow you any more. If it wasn't for me --

Beckett: If it wasn't for you, I would never have found my mom's killer. And some day soon I'm gonna find the sons of bitches who had him kill her. And I'd like you around when I do. And if you tell anyone what I'm about to say there's gonna be another shooting, but... I've gotten used to you pulling my pigtails. I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun.

Castle: ...Your secret's safe with me.

[Beckett, unsure if she can continue the case, speaks to her father]

Jim Beckett: Your mother always said that life never delivers anything that we can’t handle. I mean, she lived by that, you know. Called it “Johanna’s Immutable Law of the Universe.” And for years, I thought she was wrong. Because I couldn’t handle losing her. Now, I can almost hear her whisper, “I told you so.”

Beckett: [smiling] Four of Mom’s favorite words.

Jim: Look, she was a devout believer in the truth. And if she were here right now, she’d tell you the truth can never hurt you. You know, this may be your mother’s way of reaching out to you, Katie. And reminding you that the truth is still your weapon to wield. Not theirs.

Beckett: Montgomery’s post-incident evaluation. You come off like Steven Segal.

Castle: Should I be flattered or insulted?

Beckett: Both.

The Third Man [2.14]

There are two things in abundance in South Africa: racial hatred and diamonds.

Esposito [to Castle]: Why do you care about some mother-freaking snakes on a mother-freaking plane?

Castle: There are two things in abundance in South Africa: racial hatred and diamonds.

Ryan [about Beckett and Castle]: Do they know they're finishing each other's sentences?

Ryan: If this squatter was so meticulous about putting things back, why’d he leave all this for us to find?

Castle: You’re right. It makes no sense.

Beckett: [surprised] What? No grand theatrical theory to spin for us?

Castle: Honestly, I got nothing

Castle: So, how was your day?

Alexis: I had a truly great day. I got pulled out of class and called to the vice-principal’s office.

Castle: Why? What did she want?

Alexis: You. Here’s her number.

Castle: Her number?

Alexis: Oh! And my German teacher, Fraulein Sonnenberg wanted me to tell you, auf Deutsch, “Du hast Sexappeal.” She’s two years from ordering off the senior menu, but here’s her number, too.

Castle: Fraulein Sonnenberg?

Alexis: Too old? That’s okay, ‘cause my friend Sloan thinks you’re real choice. She is 17, but she’ll be legal in three months. Hey, maybe we could double?

Castle: [beginning to grin] Oh? You hate me a little bit right now, don’t you?

Alexis: Just a little.

Suicide Squeeze [2.15]

Castle: Well, the pen is mightier than the sword, but a baseball bat can be pretty effective too.

[after hearing Castle comes from a line of mind readers]

Beckett: Con artists and circus people, huh?

Castle: Yeah, and mind-readers.

Beckett: Really? So tell me what I'm thinking.

Castle: Ah! You're... You're thinking... You don't care and you want me to stop talking?

Beckett: Ooh, that's uncanny.

Castle: It's in the blood.

[after accusing a suspect with a lot of evidence]

Beckett: So you can play dumb, or you can play ball.

Castle: Pun intended.

[after being told they were investigating someone's trip to Cuba]

Beckett:I don't know...me in a swimsuit under the hot, blistering sun.

Castle:I'd be happy to rub lotion on you.

Castle: What is it with professional sports? Even the agencies are on steroids.

Beckett: Fox's client list is a veritable who's-who of star athletes. Five percent of their endorsements and salaries? You could pay for half of lower Manhattan.

Castle: ...did you just use the word "veritable?"

Beckett: Yes, I did.

Castle: Sexy.

Beckett: You should hear me say "fallacious."

[after meeting Joe Torre]

Beckett: That was Joe freaking Torre!

Castle: We should get a warrant, run his subscribers against any hate mail that the Vegas might have gotten.

Montgomery: You sure you got no cop in the Castle family tree?

Castle: No, us Castles are mostly con artists and circus folk, sir.

Montgomery: No, I think there’s a little cop in there somewhere.

[Castle’s theory on the suspected killer]

Castle: Maybe it was the Cuban government all along. They hated Vega for defecting, so they sent a beautiful spy for him to fall in love with. It works. He smuggles her back home, and bam, he’s dead.

Montgomery: Sounds like a Castle story.

[Esposito scoffs]

Castle: I’ll call it “Corazon de Fuego.”

The Mistress Always Spanks Twice [2.16]

Castle: Maybe our killer has a sweet tooth.

Beckett: Given the state of undress I would say it's more likely a sexual fetish.

Lanie: I can do the chocolate. I will even do the whipped cream bikini, but caramel? I prefer slippery to sticky.

Castle: [To Ryan] Does she know we can hear her?

[After learning where Mistress Venom worked]

Beckett: [On the phone] Hi, my name is Kate, and my boyfriend has been a very bad boy. [Castle smirks] Yes, that's right. His name's Ricky.

Castle: What're you doin'? [Chasing after Beckett who is still on the phone]

Beckett: Actually, a friend of mine recommended a Mistress Venom - is she available tonight? 4pm? Sure, that's perfect, thank you.

Castle: OK, that's very funny, now call her back!

Beckett: Uh-uh Castle, this is the perfect way to get Venom without tipping our hand. [Starting to walk away and turns around] What's the matter Castle, you afraid of a little role play? [Smirking]

Castle: Yeah, you better run!

[At the dungeon]

Receptionist: Welcome to Lady Irena's House Of Pain, how can I serve you?

Beckett: [Shouting at Castle] Well, answer her! [to the receptionist] You see what I have to deal with? My boyfriend Ricky has an appointment at 4pm with Mistress Venom.

Receptionist: Will you be joining her?

Beckett: Oh yes! I've been dying to watch him squirm!

Receptionist: Mistress Venom will be delighted to have an audience. Follow me please.

Beckett: Do you think we could gag him?

Castle: [Looking concerned] Remember, my safe word is Apples!

[Castle, Beckett and Esposito looking at the suspect in the interrogation room]

Beckett: Castle, why don’t you sit this one out? I think Mr. Caraway will respond better to a strong…[zips up her jacket] …female hand.

[After Beckett walks away, Castle grins with Esposito]

Castle: Sam-I-Am. In a box. With a fox. We’re gonna need some popcorn.

[When Alexis tells Castle and Martha that she’s giving up on cheerleading]

Castle: Well, we both learned a valuable lesson today. You learned that you can expand your horizons and grow. I learned that, if that involves short skirts and boys, [sternly] I’m not going to like it.

Alexis: Fair enough.

Tick, Tick, Tick...(1) [2.17]

Castle: Ask me why I’m here.

Beckett: You know, I ask myself that question every day.

Castle: Quick, who do you want to play you in the Nikki Heat movie?

Lanie: [As if it’s the most obvious answer in the world] Halle Berry.

Castle: See? Some people are just great at that game! You know who we could get for you? Angelina? No. Kate Beckett… Kate Beckinsale. We’ll call you K-Becks!

Jordan: What is he doing?

Beckett: He, uh, touches things.

Castle: Night vision goggles. Think I have the newer model though. Maybe in my third book, Nikki Heat will cross paths with a good looking yet cold-hearted FBI profiler. Call it Federal Heat. [Both Beckett and Jordan glare at him] …Or maybe not.

Jordan: So how long have you two been sleeping together?

Beckett: Um, we’re, we’re not sleeping together. We, he just observes me.

Jordan: Yeah, I’ve seen the way he observes you.

Castle: No, she’s right. Aside from my second wife, this is most sexless relationship I’ve ever been in.

Jordan: I’ve been profiling people for a long time. I’m hardly ever wrong.

Beckett: Well, this time you are. Wrong.

Jordan: So if you’re not sleeping together, why do you keep him around?

Castle: You know I can hear you.

Beckett: He’s actually proven to be surprisingly helpful.

Jordan: Huh, I’ll take your word on that. [Sees Castle playing with a Taser ] Put. The Taser. Down.

Castle: [After Tasering a running suspect] See, I’m helping.

Jordan: Yeah, I’ll buy you an ice cream later.

Castle: I’m here to protect you.

Beckett: What, with your vast arsenal of rapier wit?

Castle & Beckett: [Simultaneously] She’s a taxidermist!

Lanie: It’s so cute the way you two do that.

[Castle grins, Beckett rolls her eyes]

Castle: Nikki will burn. I can see the poetry in that. [Beckett looks at him] The terrible, homicidal poetry.

Castle: It’s a fact of life. People we love leave us. Unless you chain them to a radiator, which for some reason is illegal.

[When FBI Agent Jordan Shaw arrives to take over the case]

Beckett: Agent Shaw, my people have already secured the area. CSU is on the scene, and we are canvassing the park, so as happy as I am to see the cavalry, there’s really not much left here for you to do.

Jordan: Detective, the gods in the marble halls have sent me here to catch a killer, which I will do with or without your help. Okay? Now, can I see the body?

Castle: That is so going in the movie. Can you say that again, but start from “marble halls”?

[Jordan uses her APP to send a fingerprint to the lab]

Castle: [impressed] Wow, there’s an app for that?

Jordan: That’s why I joined the FBI, Mr. Castle. [waves the app] For the toys.

Boom! (2) [2.18]

[After a bomb has exploded in Beckett's apartment, Castle races inside to find Beckett alive in her bathtub]

Castle: Kate? Kate! You're alive...oh, and you're naked.

Beckett: Castle, turn around!

Castle: You know, your apartment is on fire. Now might not be the best time for modesty.

Beckett: Castle, hand me a towel.

Castle: [looks around the burning apartment] The towels are on fire.

Beckett: What about the bathrobe?

Castle: The...do you have anything to wear that's not flammable? [starts to turn around]

Beckett: Castle!

Castle: Sorry.

Beckett: Gimme your jacket. Don't look.

Beckett: If you keep quoting Jordan, I’m gonna turn the radio way up. [Walks off]

Castle: [To Ryan and Esposito] Jealous.

Martha: Oh, Richard, darling, you’re just in time. I made dinner. [Holds up a takeout container]

Castle: Mother, what are you doing here?

Martha: Oh, we’re eating. You know, something families do a couple of times a day.

Beckett: Agent Shaw

Jordan: Just writing you a note. Dunn is being transported to The Tombs, where he'll enjoy his stay in the Intensive Management Unit with the state's most dangerous criminals.

Beckett: Well, he's getting his 15 minutes. It's what he wanted this whole time.

Jordan: Yeah, but it'll be on our terms.

Beckett: I want you to know that I learned a lot from you on this one.

Jordan: You did most of the heaving lifting. Honestly, the thing that impressed me most is that you came in with Castle.

Beckett: You know, some people would call that foolish.

Jordan: You made a tough decision on your feet, used the resources at hand. I'd say that's heroic and somewhat poetic. In the end, Dunn did actually face Nikki Heat. She is, after all, part you, part Castle. He cares about you, Kate. You may not see it, you may not be ready to, but he does.

Beckett: Yeah, well, the situation with Castle is complicated.

Jordan: Ah.

Dunn: This isn’t over, Heat.

Beckett: It’s not Heat. It’s Beckett! You have the right to remain silent, so shut the hell up.

Ryan: Hey, we’re thinking maybe you could talk to Montgomery about finding some room in the budget for those smart boards.

Beckett: Sure. While they’re at it, maybe they can buy us Batmobiles.

Esposito: That’d be cool.

Ryan: Yeah.

Beckett: Our murder boards are just fine.

Esposito: For a caveman.

Wrapped Up In Death [2.19]

Ryan: Got an apartment up on four, and guess who’s got the keys. [Jiggles them]

Beckett: [Snatches the keys] I do.

Castle: You know, we might wanna swing down by the museum, see if any of his colleagues can shed some light on who might wanna drop a gargoyle on Medina’s head.

Beckett: Either you are being a good cop or you just wanna go to the museum.

Castle: They have dinosaurs there!

Beckett: [Chuckles] Let’s go.

Castle: Do you believe that people get what they deserve?

Beckett: Well, if they do then I must have done something pretty terrible to be punished with you.

Castle: Funny.

Ryan: Still no luck with the curse, huh?

Esposito: Look on the bright side, Castle, you die, your book sales skyrocket.

Castle: Great.

Castle: [Cuts himself while trying to cut a tomato] What’s the difference between cursed and clumsy?

Alexis: I’ll get a band-aid.

Castle: Get two.

[At the museum]

Castle: Man! I love this place! When Alexis was little, we used to come here every Sunday. We would run around here for hours pretending like we were on safari in Africa or looking for dinosaurs in China.

Beckett: You know, Castle, sometimes I forget that you have such a capacity for pure innocence in your life.

Castle: Yeah. Plus it was a great place to pick up chicks.

Beckett: And then you open your mouth and you ruin it.

Montgomery: You had to mess with the curse, didn’t you? Trying to be funny. You know what kind of hell I’d catch if Castle got eaten in the line of duty?

Ryan: Don’t tell me you really believe in that stuff, sir.

Montgomery: You know what I believe in, Detective? That there’s no upside in screwing with things that you can’t explain. First year in homicide, right? My partner tackles a suspect through the window of a gypsy smoke shop. Owner’s furious. Threatens all kind of hexes on our houses if we don’t personally go and clean it up. And we tell her, “Yeah, take it up with the city.” Two hours later, my partner drops dead. Heart attack.

Esposito: And you think it was the hexes?

Montgomery: No. The man ate bacon with every meal. But, next morning, I went over there, fixed that window. And you know why?

Ryan & Esposito: [look at each other for a moment and then back] Because there’s no upside in screwing with things you can’t explain?

Montgomery: And don’t you ever forget it.

Castle: If something were to happen to me, I want you to watch out for Alexis. She looks up to you. And if her boyfriends get frisky, you can shoot them.

Beckett: Nothing’s gonna happen to you.

Castle: But if it does…

Beckett: Okay. [smiles]

Castle: And would you also go into my closet and get rid of my porn collection before she finds it?

Esposito: Don’t worry, bro. I got you covered on that.

Beckett: Charles, we have your fingerprints on a sarcophagus, so you can either start telling us the truth now, or after spending an afternoon in the holding cell, entertaining a meth addict through the violent phase of his withdrawal.

The Late Shaft [2.20]

Beckett: [Watching Castle on tv] Wow! Camera does really add ten pounds... to his ego!

[Watching Alexis pack her bag]

Castle: Um…You’re going orienteering, not library-ing. You sure you want to take that many books?

Alexis: Over-ambitious for a five-day trip?

Castle: You’re going to be responsible for your own pack. I think you’re supposed to be more Sacagawea than a scholarly reader. Besides, look at all those pages. The trees might want revenge.

[Bringing in Manning’s body]

Lanie: You know how many strings I had to pull for this, Castle?

Castle: If I’m wrong, I’ll reimburse the city.

Lanie: To hell with the city. It’s me you’re gonna owe. I take spa certificate, jewelry, and cash.

Castle: Duly noted.

Beckett: “FTW”?

Castle: “For the win.” Means, “My tweet kicks your tweet’s butt.” Come on, Beckett. You got to keep up, hang with the cool kids.

Beckett: So, how was your date with your little starlet?

Castle: [scowling] How could you tell this time?

Beckett: Like I said, Castle… [pulls a long strand of hair off his jacket] …trained detective.

Den of Thieves [2.21]

Castle: That is so cool. Do you mind if I take pictures?

Lanie: Knock yourself out, but if any of them end up on the internet, I will hunt you down and hurt you.

Ryan: [to Esposito] I'm your partner. That means I'm with you 'til the wheels fall off.

Food to Die For [2.22]

Castle: What broke?

Alexis: Stupid glass.

Castle: Remind me to get smarter glasses.

Castle: This is both literally, and figuratively, cool.

Castle: What’s a good time?

Beckett: Well, if you don’t know by now, it’s probably too late to show you.

Castle: [Drops his watch into liquid nitrogen] Hey, I froze time!

Maddie: [To Beckett] You’re hot for Castle. You wanna make little Castle babies!

Beckett: Maddie! He can hear us!

[Castle’s idea of solving Alexis’ problem]

Castle: Or maybe by this weekend, I’ll figure out a way to take this tank of liquid nitrogen and build it into a weather machine. I’ll make it rain! You friends will have to cancel their trip. You won’t have to choose, and then we can take over the world! [Laughs evilly]

Alexis: Not helpful.

Castle: But evil.

Castle: High school friend, huh? I bet she knows where all your bodies are buried.

Beckett: You can dig all you want, Castle. My secrets are safe with her.

Castle: How can you be sure?

Beckett: Because whatever she knows about me, I know worse about her.

Castle: You ask me, she should have followed her heart, left David, gone with Wolf.

Beckett: You know, I can see the virtue in staying. I mean, guys like Wolf, they come in, they upset the apple cart. Of course he makes you feel alive, but eventually, you know he’s just gonna let you down. So why risk it?

Castle: Because the heart wants what the heart wants.

Overkill [2.23]

Ryan: Beckett’s a good cop. She can canvass and make googly eyes at the same time.

Castle: Wilder, Daemon Wilder?

Esposito: Yeah, you know him?

Castle: I know of him, this is a photo of one of his ad campaigns. He runs a line of boutique men's skin care products.

Ryan: You mean like bathroom stuff?

Castle: He's got a toner; totally alcohol free. Fantastic. He's got a shaving cream that is ridiculous.

Esposito: I'm good with the drug store stuff man.

Castle: No no no no, hang on. This stuff will change your life. (squirt)

Esposito: It's hot...

Castle: It's hot.

Ryan: It's hot?

Castle: It's HOT.

Ryan: It's hot! How do they do that?

Beckett: Guys. [all look] A man has been murdered here.

Castle: And... we are honoring his legacy.

Lanie: Hm. It's like Sex And The City, only with boys.

Clerk: Here you go, sir.

Beckett: I cannot believe that you asked for samples.

Castle: She said anything we needed! Besides, it's not for me; it's for Ryan and Esposito.

Beckett: Don't you mean Charlotte and Miranda?

Castle: Wait a minute, that would make me Carrie.

Beckett: You are so metro-sexual for even knowing that!

Castle: I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mother had it on! That did not come out right...

Rebecka: [uncontrollable sobbing] Ishoodhavestaydoutovitwhatwasithinkinggggg...

Castle: What did she say?

Beckett: "What was I thinking? I should have stayed out of it." It's cry talk. There’s not a girl alive who hasn’t heard it from a sobbing, heartbroken girlfriend.

[Alexis is critiquing her father’s work]

Alexis: I think you've been writing too long not to know that it’s “I” before “E” except after “C.” Ever heard of spell-check?

Castle: Yes, of course. She’s got red hair, she’s wise beyond her years, and she’s about to tell her dad what she thinks of the latest chapter of his new book.

A Deadly Game [2.24]

[Hans finds out Castle is not the person he was supposed to meet and grabs his shirt]

Beckett: NYPD! Hands up! [Castle puts his hands up] Not you Castle!

Castle: Right.

Esposito: So... Castle's last case, huh?

Beckett: Mm-hmm.

Esposito: Ryan and I thought we'd do a little going away party.

Beckett: Yeah. Well, it's not like he's leaving forever.

Esposito: You sure about that? Why do you think he's been following you around all this time? What, research? The guy has done enough research to write 50 books. Look... whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't include watching you be with another guy.

Beckett: Oh yeah, and your ex-wife called. She said that you’ve been avoiding her because you’re late delivering your manuscript of Naked Heat. That’s a catchy title. When were you gonna tell me?

Castle: I was waiting for the perfect time. It just never happened.

Beckett: She’s naked on the cover again, isn’t she?

Castle: Kind of, yeah.

Beckett: [sarcastically] That’s great. No one’s gonna make fun of me.

Lee Copley: [Giving Beckett and Castle his alibi] No, I wasn’t at home, but I was in bed…With his wife.

[Castle and Beckett blink in surprise]

Beckett: I’m sorry. What?

Lee: …I was in bed with Roger’s wife.

[Castle and Beckett turn away for a moment in disbelief and then turn at each other]

Castle: [To Lee] Let me get this straight. Your alibi for killing your friend is you were…doing his wife?

Lee: [after a moment]…Yeah.

Castle: Wow.

Mrs. Farraday: So, yeah. I was seeing Lee. Yeah, I was with him that night.

Beckett: Well, if things were that bad, why not just get a divorce?

Mrs. Farraday: Are you serious? My house is too nice.

[Later]

Castle: I can see why Roger needed a little extra fantasy in his life.

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Castle (season 2)