Broad City/Season 3

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Season 1 2 3 4 5 Main

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Broad City is an American television sitcom, created by and starring Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson that aired on Comedy Central (2014-2019).

"Two Chainz" [3.01]

Abbi Abrams: Time Out New York. Love it. That the warehouse sale is this weekend and I need to find something cool to wear.

Ilana Wexler: No, you don't. You look sexy and vivacious and artsy and like, young wife material, but, like, taut, and teasy still.

Abbi Abrams: It's a perfect combo. I mean, it's okay. It's, like, urban. Like Urban Outfitters. Got it. Thank you. To my frond... To the ond.

Ilana Wexler: And to free sparkling water. [Taps glass and drinks] Mmm... That's classy. [Belches] Very. Dude, just trust me. Chill.

Abbi Abrams: Come on. Gum is so repulsive. It is cow cud.

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Abbi Abrams: Hey! Hey!

Truck driver: What?!

Abbi Abrams: My friend is stuck on the back of your truck. Also, what, are you watching pοrn while you drive?

Truck driver: Oh, don't judge me! You're the one wearing the stolen shirt!

Abbi Abrams: Okay, it's not stolen. I'm letting her out. Why don't you just finish? If you can. [Walks away]

Truck driver: Nice ass!

Abbi Abrams: Yeah, I know!

"Co-Op"' [3.02]

Ilana Wexler: Ab, this is Craig. A guy.

Abbi Abrams: Hi, I'm Abbi. I love pugs. My family comes from a long line of colonial Jews. Ilana has told me so much about you.

"2016"' [3.05]

Ilana Wexler: I know you from your ass better than I know your face.”

"Jews on a Plane"' [3.10]

Abbi Abrams: Wait, so Jesus is a god, right?

Ilana Wexler: God is, like, Daddy God and Jesus is like, the Son God.

Abbi Abrams: So he's really just, like, a hot rich kid.

Ilana Wexler: Totally.

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Abbi Abrams: [To Ilana with a man between on an airplane] So I've been meaning to tell you, that was a sick mile high joke.

Ilana Wexler: I wasn't joking. The Moyel Chai Club. You know how moyels suck baby dick?

Abbi Abrams: Wait, wait, what's a moyel?

Ilana Wexler: Honestly, are you Jewish? You're not supposed to be on this trip if you're not.

Abbi Abrams: Dude, I'm sorry, what the fuck is a moyel, and why are they sucking baby dick?

Ilana Wexler: A moyel is the Jewish dude who performs the circumcisions. You know, like a... a bris. So they don't do it in the hospital, so these rabbis can do whatever they want. So they take the detached baby foreskin, and they roll it around in their mouths with wine. [Abbi retches] And then they suck the baby dick itself to stop the bleeding.

Abbi Abrams: What the fuck are you talking about?

Ilana Wexler: Literally Judaism.

Abbi Abrams: So at every bris, someone sucks a baby dick?

Ilana Wexler: Only the most sacred ceremonies do we get to have the baby dick sucking.

Abbi Abrams: They get to have it?

Ilana Wexler: Yeah, it's like, Christian people get the Nilla wafer and we get... Like a sacrament.

Abbi Abrams: What?

Ilana Wexler: It's a wafer and when you take it in your mouth, you let go of all your sins. It's actually like, a beautiful ceremony. All right. So we're going to Israel right now, and we're supposed to be Jewish. Anyway, Moyel Chai Club. I want to suck a dick on this flight, babe! An adult dick, obviously.

Abbi Abrams: I can't believe that you want to suck a dick after everything that just came out of your mouth.

Ilana Wexler: Something about doing it in the sky.

External links

• Broad City/Season 3 quotes at the Internet Movie Database