Best Laid Plans (1999 film)

1999 film directed by Mike Barker

Best Laid Plans is a 1999 film about a scheme to extort money that goes increasingly awry.

Directed by Mike Barker. Written by Ted Griffin.
Relationships can be murder.  (taglines)


  • I only wanted to get laid, instead I'm getting fucked.


  • We save her, we screw us, and vice versa. But think- who's worth saving here? Who's created this problem? Someone is gonna get hurt, Bryce. It's just a question of who.


  • [to Nick] I've built up a certain tolerance for your fuck-ups.
  • [Nick is reaching for the stolen note, which Lissa has hidden in her private parts] You could at least kiss me when you do that.


  • Bad Ass Dude: Boy, you got a funny idea about chivalry. When me and my lady go driving, she always rides up front with me.
  • Bad Ass Dude: What, you never fucked a friend before?


Bryce: She's sixteen. I mean, what 21-year-old carries around a fake ID saying she's 16? The girl downstairs is 16. Sixteen! I mean, it doesn't matter if she said no. It doesn't matter if she screamed yes, and had a notary public certify it; she's underage! It's statutory! If she presses charges, I will go to jail!
Nick: So I guess a second date's out of the question, then, huh?

Nick: You know, not everything in the world revolves around fucking.
Bryce: No, just most things.

Nick: We're fucked.
Lissa: You're telling me.

Nick: I thought you'd be an older guy.
Bad Ass Dude: My profession don't promote career longevity. It's a young man's business.

Nick: I love you.
Lissa: Why do you think I'm doing this?

Nick: I thought you were leaving.
Lissa: I thought I was too. Then I realized I didn't have any money.
Nick: [chuckles] Let's walk?
Lissa: Where?
Nick: Anywhere. Away from here.


  • Relationships can be murder.
  • Ever feel like the world is conspiring against you... You don't have to tell me where you've been... Everyone sucks, but us... keeping a relationship alive can be murder.


Wikipedia has an article about: