Barry Badrinath: Hey Todd, about the old girlfriend, can we bury the hatchet, buddy?
Todd Wolfhouse: I don't know.
Barry Badrinath: I mean it was a one night stand, right? I mean she wasn't even that good looking. A real dead fish, right? She just laid there and took it like a plastic fuck doll.
Todd Wolfhouse: I happened to have MARRIED that plastic fuck doll!!!
Barry Badrinath: was in Thailand, playing Ping-Pong in Ding Dang. I was in a real high-stakes game in some opium den. Turned out the guys I was playing aren't the kind of guys who like to lose. After I beat them... they beat me. Worked me over pretty good..... Aaaand this is hard to say... but they held me down... and they shoved a ping pong paddle up my ass. It's never been the same. I'm damaged goods.
Charlie "Fink" Finklestein: Ah geeze Barry! I don't know what I'd do if someone shoved a paddle-handle up my ass!
Barry Badrinath: It wasn't the handle! I've been shitting pancakes ever since!
Great Gam Gam: You and I are not so different Mr. Badrinath. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. But you know what I did? I got over it!
Pim Scutney: You're all fur-coat and no trousers you are!
Fink: I'm sorry, one more time.
Rog Gobshire: Shove off! We're gon' put the skittahs in your allan wickahs you plonker!!
Barry Badrinath: (looks at Fink and gestures to Rog) Do you know what he's saying?
Barry Badrinath: [after smashing beer mug with the ping pong ball] What do you think about that, fuckhead?
Hammacher: [Takes a bite of glass from the same broken mug] What do you think about that, headfuck??
Barry Badrinath: It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ...
Phil "Landfill" Krundel: What's a ZJ?
Barry Badrinath: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.