Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden
- It's called survival of the fittest. If you can't slam with the best, then jam with the rest.
- When deciding not to give money to a homeless child
- Cyber Dwarf: I, uh… I don't think a girl would want to go out with a basketball-skinned freak like me…
- Balthios: That's not true, Cyber Dwarf. Basketball skin is found attractive in many cultures.
- Moe: Have you made up your mind? Would you like to go on a date with one of our lovely ladies?
- Cyber Dwarf: O-okay. Alright, I will!
- [The text "/!\WARNING/!\ May be erotic for child" is displayed on screen.]
- Moe: Excellent! What traits in particular are you looking for a partner?
- Cyber Dwarf: Applebottom.
- Moe: Anything else?
- Cyber Dwarf: Only applebottoms.
- Charles: One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the whole cosmos. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips, I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my veins. Every jump shot, every rebound and three pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there. I Am B-Ball. Though I have reforged the Ultimate B-Ball, there is something I must still do. There is another basketball that cries out for an owner. No, not an owner. A companion. I must find this b-ball, save it from the depths of obscurity that it so fears. I will meet you outside of Cuchulainn's Tomb. Do not worry. I will be back.
- Balthios: Charles, are you okay?
- Charles: I am… Beyond such primal emotions as "okay," Balthios. I am… enlightened.
- Shimmerglobe: I was forged thousands of years ago by the proto-dwarfs in a volcano. They infused me with ancient magics to give me speed, bounce, range, and most importantly… accuracy. I cannot miss a jump shot or dunk, Charles Barkley. I cannot miss a slam, jam, thank you ma'am.
- Charles: But that breaks all the NBA rules and regulations!
- Shimmerglobe: I came before rules and regulations! I wrote the rules and regulations! I have chosen you, Barkley, because I believe that you are the only one that can save b-ball. You are the only one that can restore it to its former glory.