Astonishing X-Men

Astonishing X-Men is the name of an ongoing comic book series published by Marvel Comics and based on the X-Men franchise. There have been three X-Men titles to bear the name Astonishing X-Men.

Note: The quotes below use X-Men's pseudonyms, even when they refer to each other by real names, for consistency.

Volume One (Age of Apocalypse)

Issue 1

Magneto: (To Team) I'm not even going to try to sugarcoat this, my friends. Anyone willing to take part in this raid isn't likely to make it back alive.

Nightcrawler: Ja, so?

Blink: Gangway people! Critically wounded mutant cheesecake, en route!

Nightcrawler: Woman, are you..

SFX: "Bamf"

Nightcrawler: ...insane?! By teleporting directly into the mansion, you could lead Apocalypse's forces directly to us!

Blink: Yeah, well, me and Sunfire kind of had other priorities at the moment I decided to vamoose, Kurt!

Nightcrawler: Shiro?! What happened to Sunfire?

Blink: Relax, Blue. He should be along any minute. As in "Incoming"!

Magneto: Back everyone, his power is out of control! Fortunately my mastery of magnetism is not!

Prelate Delgado: At long last, we've discovered the X-men's most recent base! To think Blink, we couldn't have done it without you. Tell me what do you have to say for yourself?

Blink: "Sorry guys". And "see ya".

Prelate Delgado: Blink, your eye glowing!? NO!! You're closing the portal?! But what happens to...?!

SFX: Spblooch!

Blink: That was the "see ya" part.

Apocalypse: (About the X-Men) Did you pinpoint their location?

Rex: Not yet, Sir, but it's certain only to be a matter of time. M'Lord, your face?! What's wrong?

Apocalypse: Nothing, Rex. It's a smile.

Gambit: Dat's what I like t'hear mon ami. Nothing like a good suicide mission to start the day off right. Maybe, after we stop de cullings, we can liberate de pits and overthrow the Big "A" altogether? 'Course dat don't leave much for de afternoon, but...

Gambit: Feel better, p'tite?

Blink: Not while you're still alive.

Gambit: Good news den 'cause it don't look like I'm going to be dat way for much longer.

Magneto: A question, old friend.

Nightcrawler: Ja?

Magneto: Do you trust me, Kurt?

Nightcrawler: More than I trust the Sun to rise in the morrow.

Sunfire: If I am going to die this day, I'll do it standing up.

Morph: You know, Petey, for the fastest mutant in the world; you can be pretty slow on the uptake!

Rogue: Wasn't it just yesterday he was that morose lil' Changeling?

Quicksilver: Yes. Possessed of the ugliest purple headpieced costume ever.

Rogue: It was pretty hideous.

Quicksilver: What did father used to say? "Any shape imaginable and you chose that?!"

Quicksilver: This may not be much of a world. May not even be the world it is supposed to be but it is our world nonetheless. And we will fight for it.

Bishop: (after Quicksilver walks away) Indeed. And I'm certain the Professor wouldn't have it any other way.

Volume Three (X-Men: ReLoad)

This volume deals with a rebuilt X-Mansion, headed by Cyclops and Emma Frost, and newly appointed, by them, staff consisting of Shadowcat, Wolverine and Beast. It is written by Joss Whedon and illustrated by John Cassaday. The first issue was released on July 2004.

Gifted

Issue 1

Emma Frost: This, children, is Kitty Pryde, who apparently feels the need to make a grand entrance.

Shadowcat: I'm sorry. I was busy remembering to put on all my clothes.

Emma Frost: So gushingly glad you could join us.

Shadowcat: Sorry about the timing. Did I miss the sorting hat?

Beast: Just Scott's scintillating introduction speech.

Cyclops: Even I was bored.

About Logan's current whereabouts

Shadowcat: "Elsewhere"? What does that mean?

Beast: It means we've narrowed it down to "else"

Emma Frost (to the students): They will always hate us. We will never live in a world of peace. Which is why control and non-violence are essential. We must prove ourselves a peaceful people. We must give the ordinary humans respect, compliance, and understanding. And we must never mistake that for trust.

[finding Emma and Scott in bed together soon after Jean's burial]

Wolverine: So tell me... Which stage of grieving is this? Denial?

Cyclops: This is good. The guy who's tried to steal my wife since the day he met us is going to tell me all about what's proper.

Cyclops: Hey, Logan, that healing power is about to come in really handy.

Emma Frost: Superpowers, a scintillating wit and the best body money can buy...and I still rate below a corpse.

Cyclops: We're a superhero team. And I think it's time we started acting like one.

Wolverine: Ho, whoa, wait ... is this gonna be about tights?

Cyclops: We've saved the world - worlds even - time and again. That's the truth. That's what we do. But the perception is that we're freaks or worse. That we're Magnetos waiting to happen. We've been taking it on the chin so long, just trying to keep from being wiped out, I think we've forgotten that we have a purpose. I know the rest of the world's forgotten.

[Danger room is reprogrammed to simulate Hawaii]

Shadowcat: Remember when this place was just flame-throwers and rotating knives? I miss that.

Beast: Am I the only one who's dying to see these outfits?

Wolverine: Superheroes. Summers has gotta be nuts.

Wolverine: Time to make nice with the public, eh, Summers?

Cyclops: We have to do more than that, Logan. We have to astonish them.

Issue 2

Emma Frost: Mister Langford ... my family's extremely generous support for generations, and the very year it becomes public knowledge that I'm a mutant, I am for the first time left off the guest list. Tell me, dear Walter, would you like to spend the rest of your life obsessed with the works of Leroy Neiman? I mean, sexually?

Beast: Maybe Scott and Logan could fight on the lawn again. The kids love that.

Wolverine: I ain't up to anything don't have the word "beer" in it.

Beast: You could fight for beers...

Wolverine: Well, now that doesn't sound too bad.

Beast: (to Dr. Rao) I'm not here to discuss the ethics of your "mutant cure". And I'm not here to destroy it ... I just want to know if it works.

Issue 3

Shadowcat: Mutants are a community. We're a people and there's no way anybody can make us be what they want. We stick together and don't panic or overreact...you'll see. We're stronger than this.

Wing: Miss Pryde...are you a #&$%ing retard?

Kitty: How much detention are we allowed to give? What's the maximum amount of detention the human body can withstand?

Emma: Three students were missing from my ethics class. Seventeen overall. Logan had to break up two fistfights and a mystical swordfight. And that dreadful Guatemalan crab-boy is at Benetech telling reporters this is every mutant's only chance to avoid burning in everlasting hellfire. This is eating us from the inside out.

Kitty: Oh my God ... you teach ethics?

Emma Frost: (sarcastically) Yes, let's do make jokes right now!

Shadowcat: I'm not joking. I have a very large problem with that concept.

Emma Frost: The students are fleeing the school, you half-wit!

Shadowcat: Maybe it's time for another peppy "they will always hate us" speech! (sarcastically) I'm sure that helped!

Wolverine: I thought I was the one with the claws.

Nick Fury: Somebody's gonna die. You know how I know this? 'Cause I'm gonna kill 'em.

Beast: I don't know what I am. I used to have fingers. I used to have a mouth you could kiss, I could walk down the street and ... Maybe this the secondary stage of my mutation, or maybe Cassandra Nova was right. Maybe I am devolving. My mind is still sharp, but my instincts, my emotions ... You know what it's like to be out of control. What am I supposed to do, Logan? Wait until I'm lying in front of the students, playing with a ball of string?

Beast: I am a human being.

Wolverine: Wrong. You're an X-Man.

Student: So, what -- the teachers spend all their time here trying to kill each other? This place is so cool.

Shadowcat: Are you gonna fight everyone, Logan? I just wanna know if I'm next.

Wolverine: Nah, you'd go ninja on me -- I can't take that kinda hurt.

Cyclops: Kitty, you're our computer whiz, so start running down Benetech. I want to know exactly who's funding this research. Hank's in the lab. Emma, check the students. I'm going to contact some of the other teams, see how far this is reaching.

Wolverine: Me?

Cyclops: Have a beer. And stay away from Hank.

Wolverine: It's a plan.

Emma: Of course, Kitty thinks I'm mentally controlling everything you say ...

Scott: (smiles for a moment, then looks concerned)... But you're not, right?

Emma (annoyed): You will never see me naked again.

Hank: Why does nothing ever stay buried?

Scott: Jean?

Issue 4

Wolverine: Good to go. Let's bring on some hurt.

Wolverine: When do I get to disable something?

Shadowcat: Wriggle like that next time and I'll lose my grip in the middle of a wall. You'll fuse molecules. As deaths go, it's not the funnest.

Emma Frost: What do you want me to do, Scott? Pretend I don't feel your heart race when you think of Jean?

Cyclops: She's a part of me, Emma. Comes with the package, which you know.

Emma Frost: That woman was no good for you.

Emma Frost: Jean Grey is a sacred cow. At least we agree on half of that.

Wolverine (to Hank): "Hope". That's what they're calling the cure now. "Hope". It was on the news. Catchy, eh? What are you hoping for? Lose the fur ... Nice girl, couple of kids, and a teaching job at some place that doesn't get blown too often?

Colossus (to Kitty): Am I finally dead?

Issue 5

Cyclops: (hallucinating after being shot) X-men ... Sound off ...

Man 1: Iceman, sounding off!

Man 2: Fireman, sounding off!

Man 3: Clothing-Man, sounding off!

Man 4: Ability-to-Hop-Man, here!

Cuckoo 1: Miss Frost has broken contact. Something is happening where she is.

Cuckoo 2: Something about Mister Summers.

Cuckoo 3: She's horribly in love with him. Love is the stupidest thing I ever heard of.

Cuckoo 1: Look at what it did to Esme. Miss Frost should be setting an example.

Cuckoo 2: Her thoughts of him during class are often sweaty and inappropriate.

Shadowcat: You have to know that if you're a clone or robot or, yeah, a ghost or an alternate universe thingie, I can deal...but if you are some shapeshifter or illusionist who's just watching me twist I will kill you I will kill you with an axe so right away just prove it, say something, show me something, I can't ...

Colossus: Katya ...

Shadowcat: You died ! Piotr Rasputin died and I know this because I carried his ashes to Russia and scattered them myself!

Colossus: You did? ... Thank you.

[Wolverine, Beast, and Cyclops are all injured on the floor.]

Dr. Rao: You fired on them?!

Wolverine: The lady is sharp ...

Dr. Rao: Is Doctor McCoy alright? He --

Emma Frost: He has a disease, if you recall. An inexplicably adverse reaction to being shot at.

Emma Frost: What's next? Eliminating the gay gene?

Emma Frost: You feel no pain. You will go straight to a hospital. Remember nothing of this place. And every time you hear the words "parsley", "intractable", and "longitude", you will vomit uncontrollably for 48 hours.

Cyclops: Nice work, X-Men. (Quietly) My girlfriend is very weird.

Beast: Plan?

Wolverine: Man's got eyeballs ...

Emma Frost: And if he's a man by our definition, that's not the only soft spot...

Beast/Wolverine: (look shocked)

Issue 6

Wolverine: Diplomatic #%@*&%!!@#$@%#%$##@@#$$%$#@#$$#%$#@#$%#%@$#$@$&&&%&@&$#%$##%&&&@&!! immunity?

Nick Fury: How do you know your Colossus is the genuine article in the first place?

Emma Frost: I read his mind.

Beast: I matched his DNA.

Wolverine: I smelled him.

Beast: I also did that.

Abigail Brand: I'm special agent Abigail Brand. I head the Sentient Worlds Observation and Response Department. We work with S.H.I.E.L.D., handle matters extraterrestrial.

Beast: The government and their acronyms...honestly, it's adorable.

Abigail Brand: You people are in a world of trouble.

Cyclops: Well, that's the world we're from.

Scott: We got Pete ...

Beast: Hell of a thing ... Boy's named Rasputin, should've known he wouldn't be that easy to kill.

Dangerous

Issue 7

(Each of the X-Men's thoughts as they fight a gigantic creature)

Colossus: Kitty's grown so much while I was... away. I know I feel the same for her as I once did, but does she? How can I expose her to the possibility of such pain? ... I'm riding a monster's nostrils. I should really concentrate.

Shadowcat: I loved Colossus once. I would have given my life for him. Then he gave his for all of us. How do I feel about him now? Ah, this is so complicated! [Pause] I should really pay attention.

Wolverine: ... I really like beer.

The Thing: We do big monsters. Big monsters in Manhattan, that's our signature piece.

The Thing: Didn't they come up with a cure for your kind?

Wolverine: You got a problem with mutants?

The Thing: I meant Canadians.

The Human Torch: Reed? Can we be evil now?

Mister Fantastic: Maybe after dinner.

Colossus: Who is the "Hilton" girl?

Beast: It doesn't matter. On a lot of levels.

Emma Frost: J. Jonah Jameson'll be tongue-kissing Spider-Man before the X-Men catch a little public favor.

Shadowcat: Why do you insist on saying things I can never unhear?

Issue 8

Sentinel: I hear you lord. I come. Praise be to you.

Unrecognized Voice in Emma Frost's Head: Summers? Really? I know you wanted to cement your standing in the group, but if the geek was sharing my bed...I think I'd try not to wake up.

Sentinel: My lord is watching you. She knows what you're going to do. She tells me the children will pay for the father's sins. And I must not fear death.

Cyclops: I want this thing off my lawn. (removes his visor and opens his eyes wide)

Wolverine: You know, every now and then, Summers... (surveys the destroyed Sentinel amidst the massive field of damage) I remember why you're in charge.

Issue 10

Danger: [voiceover] Get your enemy talking. Classic. But I understand now why it works. The thing I have in common with every dimestore villain the X-Men ever faced. I want to be understood.

Danger: [voiceover] I have made a 7% scenario-flow recalibration error. Their aggression is increased, their responses less coordinated but more effective. They're not in the danger room. They're in danger.

Sydren: I ssensse...destruction.

Abigail Brand: Really? You sure? You don't wanna look at the photo of the enormous destruction some more before you make such a bold statement?

Sydren: If I ate your head, two thirdsss of your agents would praise me in poems and sssong.

Abigail Brand: So my approval rating's up.

Issue 11

Wolverine: Kids ain't dead, we ain't dead...Either the danger room was programmed to suck at its job, or we're missing something.

Shadowcat: I'm sorry, okay? I came on strong but I was thrown, you came back from the dead and things were said, there were emotions but I'm totally over that now. I'm only about the work and you're feeling what, "crowded"? Well boo-hoo! Lives are at stake here, pal!

Issue 12

Colossus: I am to throw you?

Shadowcat: I'm very light...

[After Shadowcat is thrown]

Shadowcat: Okay... so... serious wedgie...

Unseen viewer: The X-Men handled the situation, but they're not at their best. Of course, nothing lasts forever.

[View shifts, we see a group fronted by Sebastian Shaw]

Sebastian Shaw: Hellfire does.

Torn

Issue 13

Hisako: I'm sorry, sir, but the last time we were in this room we found my best friend dead. And then Hell opened up beneath us. Literally. Sir.

Wolverine: Yeah, wow, that's really terrible. But you want Advanced Self-Pity, I think that's Professor Summers, across the hall. This is combat.

Match: But, uh,... Isn't the Danger Room inactive? Since the... Isn't this just a room now?

Wolverine: Yeah, it's a big grey room. No computers, no simulators... Kinda bare. They should maybe get a fern.

Shadowcat: I'm totally cool. I'm totally calm, and I'm totally cool. My calm is only exceeded by my cool. Which is total.

Issue 14

[after sex]:

Shadowcat: Oh my god!

Colossus: Are you alright?

Shadowcat: Oh my god! I phased!

Colossus: Are you alright?

Shadowcat: Are you?

Colossus: It was strange.

Shadowcat: I can't believe I phased just then! That's never... It was totally your fault.

Colossus: I like to think so, yes. (Kitty giggles)

Issue 15

Wolverine: I'm the best at what I do, and what I do... is so terribly pretty!

Wolverine is shown to have made a paperchain of people holding hands.

Issue 16

Shadowcat: Who's the kid?

Emma Frost: Negasonic Teenage Warhead

Shadowcat: Okay. We've run out of names.

Perfection: You may have dealt with Emma Frost, but she is no match for... The White Queen.

Perfection removes her robe, revealing that she looks exactly like Emma Frost.

Shadowcat: Yeahbuhwhat?

Issue 17

Agent Brand: So. Who's the tinker-toy?

S.W.O.R.D. Agent: "Danger." She's A.I., Shi'ar tech.

Agent Brand: @#$%ing Shi'ar... I wish someone would prophesy the end of those clowns.

Issue 18

Colossus: Scott?

[Cyclops shoots Sebastian Shaw with a handgun]

Cyclops: Pete, hey. You won't believe the day I'm having.

Colossus: Katya!

Cyclops: She's okay. I've been trying to wake her.

Colossus: By shooting people?

Cyclops: I'm an X-Man. I don't shoot people.

[Cyclops shoots Negasonic Teenage Warhead]

Cyclops: I'm just trying to make a point.

Unstoppable

Issue 19

Abigail Brand: The Breakworld's psychics - they call 'em the Augurs - they hunted for the X-man destined to destroy their world and the mighty Colossus got the nod. I'm assuming you're as mystified by this as the rest of us, Rasputin.

Colossus: No. I'm not. I have been planning to destroy the Breakworld since I was a child.

Everyone stares in silence.

Colossus: This is why I don't make so many jokes. I never know when is good.

Beast: You kidnapped us.

Abigail Brand: We're not past that yet?

Shadowcat: It was four hours ago.

Issue 20

Abigail Brand: Unbreachable hull, precise maneuverability, enough power at short-range to outrun anyone. Prettiest ship in the fleet.

Beast: Not to be picky, Agent Brand, but if this splinter is such a wonderful ship...shouldn't we be in it?

Beast: It's very thoughtful of you Emma.

Emma Frost: Well, good lord, why should we endure all that centrifugal nonsense? Two lumps, dear. We can all "live in the now" once we're on solid ground.

Emma Frost: I can't read a thing. If they made it, they're nowhere near.

Cyclops: We'll give them time.

Beast: If anything's happened to them, Agent Brand --

Abigail Brand: You'll what? Eat me?

Beast: In fact I will. The new math, Agent. You're outnumbered. And not well-liked. And I've recently aqcuired a taste for human flesh, I say with some embarrassment.

Hisako: I have a test on Wednesday. I'm not an X-Man, I shouldn't...I mean I can't--I have a Chemistry test.

Wolverine: Take off the suit.

Hisako: That's not really an option.

Wolverine: You wanna cry on my bubbling, skinless shoulder? You're in that suit 'cause you're an X-man. You're an X-Man 'cause I seen you fight and I want you on the team. But if I'm wrong, if you're just a whining teenager gonna freak out on a hostile alien planet and cost me time, then lose the suit and go die. We got worlds to save.

[Hisako gets teary-eyed as her aspiration to be an X-Man is fulfilled]

Hisako: "Armor"

Wolverine: "Armor". Hunh.

Armor: Is it taken?

Wolverine: I don't think so. It'll work for a name. Kinda on the nose...

Armor: Well it gets to the point.

Wolverine: Yeah, it's very direct -- I'm thinking of calling myself "Claws".

Armor: Not "Stench"?

Wolverine: Shut up and let me heal.

Issue 21

Emma Frost: What happened to you lot?

Wolverine: Agent Brand's brilliant plan went south. Our pretend burning wreckage stopped pretending. We get through this, I'm gonna pop a claw through her eye, you guys cool with that?

Emma Frost: Absolutely.

Cyclops: Logan, we don't just...nah, go for it.

Agent Brand: I think we oughta split up.

Beast: At last we agree on something.

Agent Brand: You're coming with me.

Beast: And so ends that era.

Colossus: They bring me back from the dead. They want me dead. I will destroy them. I will save them. I'm so confused...so tired.

Shadowcat walks towards Colossus in the nude

Colossus: Now I am more confused...But somehow not as tired.

Emma Frost: I'm sorry...

Cyclops: Whoah whoah, hey, did I actually hear that? That's uncharted territory, we're gonna have to do some recon.

After Danger downed the ship that Cyclops and Emma Frost were riding.

Emma Frost: Scott...He said he loved me. This extraordinary, ordinary man is in love. With me.

Danger: That's all over now.

Emma Frost: Oh, it's over all right. Do me one favor, dear...kill me. Please do try to make it quick

Issue 22

Emma Frost: Confused?

Danger: You think I cannot pierce diamond?

Emma Frost: Oh, have I hardened? Defense mechanism; quite unconscious. (Emma reverts to human form) There now. Better?

Danger: This is a trick.

Emma Frost: Hush now. Kill away.

Danger: Kruun will want you alive.

Emma Frost: Nonsense. He'll be thrilled. Shower you with garlands and wear my skin like a shawl.

Danger: What game are you playing?

Emma Frost: Oh, I'm a terrible person and I'm wracked with guilt, haven't you been following? If you shake harder my neck might snap...if that helps at all...

Cyclops holds a large rock over his head, ready to attack Danger

Cyclops: Emma...get behind me...

Emma Frost: Why I find such patently idotic chivalry a turn-on is truly a mystery to me. But you, "Danger," you're an open laptop. You never got over your parent programming. If it's any consolation, nobody ever does.

Shadowcat: Whoof.

Colossus: Kitty, I --

Shadowcat: Wait. Not done with "whoof."

...

Dafi pokes her head into Shadowcat and Colossus' bedroom

Dafi: Aghanne says you're to leave at first light. Our scouts have made contact with your friend Logan. You have about an hour, if you wish to continue fornicating.

Colossus: That one is Dafi?

Shadowcat: Like the duck. You can ask me now.

Shadowcat: Everything is so fragile. There's so much conflict, so much pain...you keep waiting for the dust to settle and then you realize it; the dust is your life going on. If happy comes along -- that weird unbearable delight that's actual happy -- I think you have to grab it while you can. You take what you can get, 'cause it's here, and then...gone.

Emma Frost: (to Brand) You're so unpleasant even I'm impressed. Do you visit orphaneges to explain there's no Santa?

Issue 23

Emma Frost: I am a diamond Ms. Pryde. I am, by definition, my own best friend.

Wolverine: Kid...you're fired. We get back to Earth, you're demoted to Excalisuck or some damn team.

Armor: They were lining up civilians! To kill them!

Wolverine: That ain't the mission.

Armor: Have you looked the word "superhero" up? Like, Googled it or something?

Cyclops (telepathically): We need a name: something ominous and imposing.

Emma Frost: Leviathan?

Cyclops (telepathically): Oh, honey, that's irresistable!

...

Shadowcat: I object!

Cyclops (telepathically): What?

Emma Frost: (telephatically) Bugger me, was that acting?

Colossus (telepathically): Is not courtroom drama, Katya.

Shadowcat (telepathically): Shut up! I'm not good at having two conversations at once. And I hate Scott's plan!

Cyclops (telepathically): You mean you "object" to it. But I'm gonna allow it.

...

Kruun: Lies. The great human weapon. Pathetic.

Cyclops: I'd say "pathetic" would be falling for them. Especially Kitty's acting.

Cyclops: To me my X-Men. Let's finish this.

Issue 24

Cyclops: We have their Powerlord, inside his most impregnable prison.

Wolverine: We pregged it quick enough...

Cyclops: We're the X-Men.

Aghanne: Treachery is for the civilized, Agent Brand.

Wolverine: Standing around talking feels a lot like standing around talking. When does Pete get to throw me at something?

Beast: As a scientist, I won't say for certain something I can't prove. As a cat...the lady is lying.

Colossus: It makes no sense. To put your world at risk with such a fragile, unstable energy source...

Aghanne: We prize efficiency over safety. Is it very different on Earth?

Ord: At last, this ends as it was meant to.

Cyclops (blasting away the railway under Ord's feet): Oh please.

Beast: It's not a missile. It's a bullet.

Giant-Size Astonishing X-Men

Spider-man: You can't say "I love New York". Tourists can love New York. Me? Who grew up here? Who's lived here my whole life, who's crawled over every stone and swung off every cornice...I AM New York. It's in me, in my blood, like a disease...you know, like a blood disease but a good one, like a happy...cancer...so clearly I was not bitten by a radioactive poet. But you get what I'm saying. When you're part of a greater whole...when you're enmeshed...you know when something's coming.(Nightcrawler suddenly teleports in front of Spider-Man) Most of the time. (Iceman slides behind Spider-man) Some of the time. (Spider-man is blown off by a strong gust of wind) Forget it.

Spider-man: Oh, this is never good. You get this many big guns in one room not civilly warring, it's either the end of the world, or...I don't have an "or".

Colossus: I have heard the speeches of men who sought to save the world. Twenty million of my countrymen are buried beneath those speeches.

Aghanne: I am not a dictator.

Colossus: Madness is not restricted to the powerful.

Aghanne: Is it madness to want to bring peace to my suffering people?

Colossus: Death is not peace. I know this.

Abigail Brand: Two things you should know about me...I never get gang-raped on a first date...and "Brand" is not my given name.

Beast: My friends -- my world -- at stake, and you're still hiding something important.

Abigail Brand: It ain't relevant.

Beast: I'll decide that.

Abigail Brand: It's personal.

Beast: And here I am in your personal space so go ahead and open up.

Abigail Brand: I am so hot for you right now I could frikkin' pass out. (Awkward silence) Told you it was personal.

Colossus: Ord. You have done it. Can you hear me? You have saved the world.

(Spider-man hallucinates saving the world by using a lot of webbing)

Spider-man: YES! Woo hoo! I did it! I...waaaaait a second...

Cyclops: You can't wake anyone?

Storm: The most powerful seem to be the most powerfully hit. Spider-man is still trying to rouse Dr. Strange...at least, I think that's why he's hitting him...

[Telepathically]

Emma Frost : Kitty...I...I can put you somewhere else. I can make you less afraid.

Shadowcat: Nah. Nah, I'm gonna see this through. Peter should know...well, he should already know, so don't worry about it.

Emma Frost: This was never meant to...not you.

Shadowcat: Yeah, I was supposed to take you out, as I recall. Disappointed Ms. Frost?

Emma Frost: Astonished, Ms. Pryde.

Armor: Can I help?

Wolverine: Are you a beer?

...

Wolverine: All our crap..how'd it fall on her shoulders? Her and Pete, they...they were like..two...

(Armor suddenly hits Wolverine)

Armor: I'm sorry. You were about to become poetic, and I thought we'd both prefer you didn't.

Wolverine: Kid...

Armor: You want to grieve. And I need to train.

Wolverine: I can pierce that armor, kid.

Armor: You can try.

Beast: I guess I'll start. I'm fairly certain I hate you.

Abigail Brand: Well, that's kind of the point. I need someone to hate me. Professionally. I'm good at -- well, I'm uniquely qualified for -- my job. But I made some crap calls this time around, and we both lost men we shouldn't have. You're smarter than any dozen guys and you'll question my every waking gesture. On the job, there's nothing I could use more.

Beast: And off the job?

Abigail Brand: Pretty much wanna break you like a pony. It's a win-win.

Cyclops: Your eyes are red.

Emma Frost: Look who's talking.

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

Astonishing X-Men

Marvel Astonishing X-Men catalogue