Mrs. MacGrady: Tissues to your left, dear. I see one more thing. Oh, yes, here's a cartoon of you as green gloop. (clears throat) I said there's a cartoon of you as green gloop! (Mrs MacGrady turns her head to where the students are hiding) Green gloop! (the students pauses for a one little bit; Buster, haves his hands on the rope, quietly let it go; the students feel guilty and decide to stops causes their friend further humiliation and do nothing happens)
Francine: (blows her nose) I just wish they'd stop.
Arthur: No, no, no. Kate is a big girl. Not like some sisters who throw their food and have tantrums like a baby.
D.W.: I'm not a baby!
Arthur: Are, too!
D.W.: Am not!
Arthur: Are too!
Francine: QUIET! If you're not a baby, prove it. [she hands D.W. a spoonful of spinach; D.W. is about to take a bite when Kate spits up her spinach and smiles]
D.W.: Well, looks like I'm not the only one with good taste around here. I don't hate spinach.
[Arthur stages a phone conversation at home with D.W. listening]
Arthur: Oh, Grandma! I'm so glad you changed your mind. I can't believe we're going to the restaurant after all.
D.W.: Hey, what are you telling Grandma?!
Arthur: Nothing, D.W., leave me alone! What's that, Grandma! Oh, yes, I think it'll be just as much fun without her.
D.W.: Without who?! Let me talk to her! [tries to take the phone]
Arthur: D.W., isn't there some dancing vegetable on T.V.?
D.W.: Give me the phone!! I can go wherever I want!!
Arthur: But you said you didn't want to go to restaurants, remember? And this one might have spinach. And... [holds the phone out of D.W.'s reach]
D.W.: Grandma, I'm coming to your party, and I'm gonna be lots of fun! Ha, so there! You're not the boss of me, Arthur Read!
Arthur: Well, Grandma, I guess there's nothing I can do. We're just going to have to take D.W. with us.
D.W.: That's right. Mom, Dad! I wanna go to the restaurant! I'll try new food and eat it all! [runs to find her parents]
Arthur: It worked, thanks!
Buster: [at the other end, impersonating Grandma Thora] Glad I could help you, sonny!
D.W.: Why is everyone looking at me? I love spinach! Everybody knows that. (Arthur rolls his eyes as D.W. sits back and smiles.)
D.W.: (plays with dolls on the living room floor) This is Tiffany and this is her servant. And this is their lifeboat and these are the angry sharks... (Kate grabs Tiffany and D.W. gasps) No! I'll do the playing! You just watch me! (Both Kate and D.W. pull at the doll. The head falls off and D.W. gasps.) Aah! Look what you did!
Jane: Play nicely, D.W.
D.W.: But she killed Tiffany! [Kate giggles]
Mrs. Read: Here. Give that to me. This looks easy to fix. Don't worry. (She gives D.W. the fixed doll back.) Ahh, there we go! Good as new! No need to get excited.
D.W.: How come you're always on her side?
Jane: I am not on anyone's side, but Kate's a baby and, and you're a big girl.
D.W.: [angrily] I am NOT a big girl, I'm a little girl! (Kate chuckles) Be quiet, you!
Jane: D.W.
D.W.: You sweet, little baby-wayby! (She sees Jane leaves the room) This is mine! You can only touch it when I say so.
Jane: [sternly] D.W.!
D.W.: Give that back, or I'll PINCH you!! [Jane grabs her] Augh!! [drops the Tiffany doll]
Jane: [sternly] Dora Winifred Read, go to your room.
D.W.: But what did I do?
D.W.: What about my supper? How will I survive?!
Jane: Supper's not till 6. You'll be out long before then.
D.W.: But what if you forget about me? I could starve to death! Mommy! Mommy! (She clings to her mother’s leg. Mrs. Read looks annoyed. She sits D.W. down on the bed.)
Jane: It's 4:30 now. When the clock says 4:40, you can come downstairs. And I'll set the alarm so you'll know when it's time.
D.W.: (pretends to cries on her pillow) You don't love me! You only love Kate and Arthur and Daddy and Pal and... and Grandpa, and Aunt Lucy, and...and... (Jane has left the room and Nadine appears.) How long did she say?
Nadine: 10 minutes. When it says 4:31, that means one minute has gone by.
David: [after D.W.'s fantasy] What are you doing?
D.W.: The clock broke and time stopped and I was coming to warn you-
David: [to DW] Nice try, D.W. Back to your room, now.
D.W.: [goes backs upstairs to her room, grumpish] Sheesh! You don't have to treat me like a criminal.
D.W.: (sobs) And what about when Cousin Lucy got married? I had to stay at home and cook and clean while everyone else went to the wedding. (Imaginary flashback: D.W., in rags again, which are now completely tattered, cleans the fireplace and sneezes)
Jane: [furiously]AREN'T YOU DONE YET?! YOU STILL HAVE THE BEDS TO MAKE AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE BREAKFAST DISHES!!
D.W.: [in tears] Can't I go to the wedding, please?!
Jane: Weddings are NOT for little girls!
D.W.: But what about Kate? She's going.
Jane: (maniacally) Kate is a baby! Besides, we like her better than you! Ready, everyone? [they leaves]
Arthur: Don't forget to brush the dog. (D.W. brushes away her tears. She watches from the window as the family gets in the car and leaves with Arthur screams. The flashback ends. D.W. sobs on her pillow.)
D.W.: [whines] It's so sad being me.
Nadine: But you went to the wedding, D.W.
D.W.: Whose side are you on, anyway?
D.W.: Are you sure my clock is working? Maybe I've really been in here for hours.
Jane: Your clock is working perfectly. Go back to your room.
D.W.: That's it. I'm calling Grandma's. At least she likes me... (In her imagination, David picks up the phone in the kitchen. Grandma Thora is phoning from her kitchen with D.W. sitting next to her eating cookies.)
David: Hello?
Thora: Son, this is your mother. What do you mean by punishing poor little D.W.? (looks at D.W.) Eat up, lovey. You can have all the cookies you want. (returns to call) How could you?! Look at this little angel. This child is perfect. (A halo appears over D.W.'s head) Punish Arthur. He's the real troublemaker.
David: Absolutely. Yes, of course, Mom. Arthur, go to your room and never come out!?
Arthur: [gulps]
Kate: [babbles and looks coos as Arthur, David L. Read and Jane Read arguing]
D.W.: I vote for Ponyland! I have to go! It's like a dream come true! Please?
Arthur: Remember the last time we went to a place D.W. saw on TV?
Arthur and his parents are in the living room.
Mr. Read: It's a holiday weekend and I don't have to cater any parties. Let's go somewhere!
Arthur: How about...
Mrs. Read: Other than Bionic Bunny Playland.
Pause.
Arthur: How about Washington, D.C.? We've been learning about government in school.
Mr. Read: That's a capital idea! (silly laugh)
Mrs. Read: (sighs)
Mr. Read: It's a capital idea. Washington is the nation's capital. Get it?
Arthur: Yeah, I got it the first time.
Mrs. Read: Let's take a vote. Where's D.W.?
D.W. is watching a commercial on TV, in which a rainbow flies into a corral and Sarah, Maryann and Amanda come out of it.
Jingle: “You’ve got to go to Ponyland. You should go to Ponyland. And you really must go to Ponyland.”
Girls: (laugh)
Announcer: You'll be greeted and entertained by three or more adorable ponies.
The girls run up to three brightly colored ponies. Sarah dances with one of them, while another pony plays the guitar.
Amanda: It's like a dream come true.
D.W. sits with her eyes glues to the TV. The others stand around her.
Arthur: D.W., we’re going on vacation and we get to vote on where to go. Do you hear me? D.W., do you hear me?
D.W.: Of course I can hear you. What did you say?
Mr. Read: We’re deciding where to take a weekend trip.
D.W. thinks.
D.W.: I vote for Ponyland.
Arthur: Yuck!
Pal: (whines)
He sticks out his tongue.
D.W.: I have to go! It's like a dream come true. Pleeaase!
Arthur: Remember the last time we went to a place D.W. saw on TV?
Flashback: A TV commercial shows an igloo on a tropical beach.
Announcer (on TV): Come to Santa's Igloo, where Santa spends the summer.
D.W.: Pleeaase!
Arthur: Bleagh!
Flashback: The Reads drive past a sign advertising Santa’s Igloo.
D.W.: What's it say?
Arthur: “Share a sundae with Santa and his friendly reindeer.”
Flashback: A man, partly dressed as Santa Claus, comes out of a house with an igloo-shaped façade. Behind him, a woman is dressed as a reindeer and holds the reindeer’s head in her hand.
“Santa”: Ho ho ho! Didn't you bring me a sundae? How can you share a sundae with Santa if you don't bring a sundae to Santa?
The Reads stare at him. Only D.W. smiles.
The fantasy ends.
D.W.: Okay. So maybe it won't be as great as Santa's Igloo. But I must go to Ponyland.
Mr. Read: How would you feel about going to Washington D.C.?
D.W.: Ponyland.
Arthur looks into D.W.’s room while she is drawing.
Arthur: Washington is where the President lives.
D.W.: I don't care about the President. I care about ponies.
Mr. Read tucks D.W. in bed.
Mr. Read: If you go where Arthur chose this time, then you can choose our next trip.
D.W.: Promise?
Mr. Read: Promise.
D.W.: Okay. Okay, I’ll go.
Mr. Read: It’ll be fun.
D.W.: Since I made such a sacrifice, maybe you’ll buy me a pony.
Mr. Read: No.
D.W.: I could keep it in my room.
Mr. Read: No.
He turns off the light and leaves the room.
D.W.: I wouldn’t ride it in the house.
Mr. Read: No!
On the weekend, the Reads drive past a sign saying “Washington D.C. 100 miles”. D.W. sees a horse in a field.
D.W.: Pony. Ponies. A lucky little girl who owns a pony.
Mr. Read: This is gonna be a long ride.
Mrs. Read: Hey, D.W., let's play a game.
D.W.: Okay, let's name the ponies we pass. Blaze, Scout, Jerry, Stumper, Dasher, Dancer, Lexi...
In Washington, the Reads are stuck in a traffic jam. Then they drive past the Capitol building and the White House.
Arthur: Look, the White House. Maybe I'll meet the president.
In his imagination, he shakes hands with the president.
Arthur: Arthur Read, Mr. President.
President: The same Arthur Read who won the spelling bee and who played that great piano solo at the spring recital?
Arthur: Y-yeah.
President: I’ve always wanted to meet you. Hey, everybody, it's Arthur Read.
Journalists take pictures.
People: (chatter)
The fantasy ends.
Arthur: Let's park and walk around.
D.W.: Yeah, maybe if we walk enough, we'll be so tired we won't notice how bored we are.
The Reads visit the Lincoln Memorial. Arthur reads from a guidebook.
Arthur: "Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth president. He issued the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1st, 1863."
D.W.: Boy, look at the size of those feet. Where'd he ever buy his shoes? Was he the only giant president?
Mrs. Read: Lincoln wasn't a giant. The statue is much larger than he was.
D.W.: Wouldn't you know it? Finally something interesting, and it's a fake.
Mr. Read: D.W., can't you please just try to relax and enjoy what's here?
D.W.: Okay, Daddy. At least I'll get to see the Statue of Liberty.
Mr. Read: Um... that's in New York, honey.
D.W.: What a rip!
The Reads walk up to the White House.
Mr. Read: The flag's up. That means the president is home today.
Arthur: What if we meet him and become friends?
In his imagination, Arthur plays minigolf with the president on the White House lawn. They high-five.
Arthur: Alright!
President: Hey!
Arthur and the president have a soda drinking contest in the Sugar Bowl while Arthur’s friends watch. The president’s glass has the presidential seal on it.
President: You beat me again, Arthur.
Kids: Yeah! Woo!
The fantasy ends.
Mr. Read: Arthur! Come on, the tour is starting. It's the last one today.
They hurry into the building.
The Reads start a tour through the White House.
Guide: On the ground floor is the China Room, which contains a collection of presidential...
Mrs. Read: D.W., don't get left behind!
D.W.: How exciting: another closed door.
Guide: Follow me, please.
D.W.: We could have stayed home and locked each other out of the bathroom. It would have looked just like this.
She crawls under a cordon and walks to a partly open door.
Arthur: D.W., stop it! You're gonna get us kicked out!
D.W. comes back.
D.W.: I'm just trying to find the government.
Arthur: Don't break the rules. I don't want the president mad at us.
The tour continues.
Guide: During Kennedy's administration, a permanent art collection was assembled for the White House...
D.W.: I don't like this. It's full of people who make a lot of rules, and everybody's afraid of getting in trouble.
Guide: In 1948, when Harry Truman was president, the White House was found to be unsafe for occupancy.
D.W. sneaks through an open door and closes it behind her. She sees a wide hallway in front of her. She tries to get back but the door will not open.
D.W.: (strains) Uh-oh.
Her parents are on the other side of the door.
Mrs. Read: D.W.?
Mr. Read: Where is she gone? D.W.!
Arthur: Oh no, D.W.’s loose in the White House. We’re doomed.
In his imagination, D.W. sits on the president’s desk.
President: It gives me great pleasure to sign the D.W. law. It is now illegal, not to own a pony.
The journalists and guards are sitting on ponies.
Journalist: Right on, D.W.!
Pony: (neighs)
D.W.: (whispers to President)
President: And the national anthem has been changed to "Crazy Bus".
The fantasy ends.
Arthur: We’ve got to find her before she wrecks the whole country.
Arthur: I thought he was my best friend, but he wants to go.
Sue Ellen: I bet he doesn't want to go.
Arthur: He could have stayed and lived in a pit, but he said no. What does that tell you?
Sue Ellen: Try thinking how Buster will feel. You're losing one friend, but everything else stays the same for you.
Arthur: Yeah? So?
Sue Ellen: Buster's losing all his friends and going to a place where everything is new. It can be scary. I know. We moved a lot because of my father's job. It's hard.
Arthur: Buster probably needs a best friend now more than ever.
(She pulls Fern away. Fern gives Francine a reproving look. In Francine’s imagination she and Brain are standing in an old English courtroom wearing prisoner’s clothes. Arthur as prosecutor is questioning Fern. Mr. Ratburn is the judge.)
Arthur: And before Muffy Crosswire hired you, you knew who wrote the note.
Fern: I deduced immediately it was Brain and Francine. Of course I had to tell Muffy. My reputation was at stake.
D.W.: You're always picking on me. You never pick on anyone else. Only me, me, ME!
Jane: You know that's not true, D.W. Everybody has to eat politely and that includes you.
D.W.: That does NOT include me! You never include me. You always make me stay home whenever there's anything fun. Only Arthur gets to have fun! Only Arthur...
Francine: D.W., can I ask you a question?
D.W.: Maybe.
Francine: What's the matter with you?! [D.W. gasps and runs out of the room sobbing]
Arthur: [sarcastic] That was great. You really solved the problem.
Francine: I didn't think she'd get so upset.
David: It's not your fault, Francine.
Francine: May I be excused? [Francine walks up the stairs and into D.W.’s room where D.W. is sobs on her bed.]
D.W.: (sobs)
Francine: I'm sorry, D.W. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but you really are being a total doofus. If you know what I mean.
D.W.: Who asked you? You don't even live here.
Francine: Well, nobody asked me. But I'm Arthur's friend. When something's bugging him, I wanna help.
D.W.: You know what, Francine?!
Francine: What?
D.W.: Go... go...home. I'm too tired to think of any more mean things to say.
Brain: So did Francine figure out what's wrong with D.W.?
Arthur: No, it only made her worse. Last night she slammed so many doors I thought we'd get trying to arrested and Arthur to not touch the D.W.
(fantasy sequence)
Announcer: Join us for another nerve-racking half hour of "Temper Tantrum Patrol Squad!"
All: (Whining)
David: Thank heavens you're here! Upstairs, and to the right.
Policeman: You have the right to remain silent--
D.W.: I WILL NOT BE SILENT! [stands up and crosses arms] I'LL BE AS LOUD AS I WANT! A-AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME! NO ONE CAN STOP ME! WHO MADE YOU THE BOSS OF THE WORLD?
Policeman: We need back up, fast!
Binky: Cool! When is that gonna be on?
Francine: You know what? I think D.W.'s being a pain because she's upset about something.
Arthur: What does D.W. have to be upset about? She's only four years old!
Binky: Yeah, it's not like she's a third grader!
Francine: It might sound weird, but something's bothering her, and it's up to us to get to the bottom of it. Starting today!
Brain: But we have soccer practice today.
Francine: Starting tomorrow!
Brain: Gee, I'd love to, but I have to clean the garage.
Binky: And I have to, er... I have to do... clean our garage too! Yeah, ha, wow. What a coincidence.
Arthur: Thanks a lot, guys.
Binky: Anytime.
Arthur: She's eating her sandwich, she's making a face, she's spitting the baloney into her hand... She's throwing it into the bushes. Pal is eating the bal... Pal!! Put that down! [Pauses]
Francine: Quiet! Spies don't yell.
Arthur: Sorry. I couldn't help it. Seeing Pal eat spit-covered baloney, yuck!
Francine: Give me those! Where'd she go? (D.W. appears right in front of her looking angrily.) Augh!
D.W.: I know what you're doing and it won't work!
Arthur: She's not saying anything. And it's 10 o’clock and I'm tired!
Francine: Arthur, I'm telling you. Whatever it is, she'll say it in her sleep. You can't give up.
Arthur: Hm. Wait, this might be it!
D.W.: Oh. It's wrong. Something's wrong.
Arthur: It's wrong. Something's wrong.
D.W.: Because... because...
Arthur: Because...
D.W.: Because... ARTHUR IS A DODOBRAIN!!!
Arthur: Because Arthur is a dodobrain. [Francine can be heard laughing.] Stop laughing, Francine! This is it, Francine. If we can't figure out what's wrong with D.W. today, then I give up.
Francine: I'm telling you, Arthur, we're close. Then you can sleep.
Arthur: Great, we spent all that money, and we still don't know what's wrong with her, except she's driving me absolutely busalooney, and you know how much I hate that word!
Francine: Arthur, D.W. and I are going to get some ice cream. Why don't you go home?
Arthur: What?!
Francine: I'm sorry, this is just for girls. See you later.
