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Are We There Yet? (film)

2005 American film directed by Brian Levant

Are We There Yet? is a 2005 comedy film starring Ice Cube about a bachelor who develops a crush on a divorced mother-of-two. In an attempt to win her over, he agrees to drive her two children across the country, but encounter a few obstacles along the way. The film was released January 21, 2005 in United States.

Directed by Brian Levant. Written by Steven Gary Banks and Claudia Grazioso .
24 hours. 350 miles. His girlfriend's kids. What could possibly go wrong? (taglines)

Dialogue

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Kid: Hey, mister, you got any Yu-Gi-Oh?
Nick: What you think?
Kid: Got any Dragon Ball GT?
Nick: Look, you come in here every day, askin' the same questions. We ain't got no Pokémon, no Digimon, no Buffy, no SpongeBob, no Beanie Babies, [spots a kid about to steal a trading card, so Nick throws a football at him] and no shoplifters! Now, get! Both of y'all! Get!
[Kevin opens the car door into a pole, causing the yellow paint to stain on it]
Nick: Aw, damn! Boy, didn't you hear what I just said
Nick: You're damn right I swore! That's about $400 damage worth to my new car!
Lindsey: That's twice. Now you have to put $2 in the Swear Jar.
Nick: (to Kevin) Yeah, well, he's got to put about $400 in my pocket. You got $400 for me?!
Kevin: No!
Nick: And I want it cash!
[Kevin starts crying]
Nick: Okay Man, No Tears, I Won't Change Diapers Out Here
Kevin: I have to pee.
Nick: What?! No, no, no, you do not have to pee! Didn't you just go back at the train station?
Kevin: I tried to go, but there was a man standing next to me, so it just went away.
Nick: But look, man, all this open road. You can hold it, I know you can. Just cross your legs.
[Kevin does so]
Lindsey: You should've asked him to go before we left.
Nick: I did!
Lindsey: No, you asked before we got on the train, not before we left the station. You're supposed to ask before every segment. Everyone knows that.
Nick: Evidently not.
Kevin: I'm not gonna make it. Do you have a bottle?
Nick: No!
Kevin: How 'bout this ashtray?
Nick: Kevin, there's no receptacle in this vehicle. Now, look, the exit's about a mile away, and you can hold it.
Kevin: How far is a mile?
Nick: I don't know, 5,000 and some kinda feet. Think about something else; football, a math test, uh, puberty.
Kevin: Are we there yet?
Nick: No!
Lindsey: I'm sure the carpet's absorbent.
Kevin: Here it comes!
Satchel: For God sakes, man, he's gonna make his water in your car!
Nick: No, he ain't. [speeds into truck stop, where Nick is holding Kevin to rush towards the bathroom] Incoming, incoming, incoming! Aaaah! Hold it, man.
Nick: Here we go, here we go!
[Nick kicks open the dirty toilet hut door]
Kevin and Nick: Ew!!
[Nick runs into ladies' room.]
Nick: In here, in here, hold it, hold it.
[Kevin slams the toilet hut door]
Woman: [freaks out] This is taken!
Nick: I'm sorry!
Kevin: Oh, no. It's dribbling out.
Nick: OK, go, go. Just go. Let it go. (Kevin pees in the sink)
Woman: That's disgusting!
Nick: Hey! Wait a minute, lady! Hold up. You're ruining my clothes.

[In response, Nick uses Kevin to pee on the woman as she starts screaming]

Lindsey: I knew you were lying. "Yeah, we're just friends." Yeah, right. You're just usin' us to suck up to our Mama.
Nick: What?!
Kevin: Yeah, you're just a dirty, horny sex-man like all the others. Nasty man, you're a nasty, bad man!
Nick: Look, I tried to do your Mama a favor, you little booger!
Kevin: You probably wanna kiss her, don't 'cha? [he makes a face on the window]
Nick: Hey, off the glass! Off the glass! [to Lindsey] And you, open this door.
Lindsey: You forgot the magic word.
Nick: Open this damn door!
Kevin: Ooh, you just swore again! Lindsey, he just swore again!
Nick: So what? Hey, I'm not playin' with you.
Lindsey: You can't make us do anything.
Nick: Hey! This is my car! You hear me, little girl?! This is my car!
[Lindsey is getting ready to put the car into acceleration]
Nick: Uh uh! You better not! Look at me, I'm serious! I'm not playin' with you, little girl, okay? Now, if you don't open that door before I count to three, somebody gonna get it.
Lindsey: What was Mom thinking?
Kevin: I don't know, I like him. He's kinda funny.
Lindsey: Hey, don't get soft! This guy is not our daddy. He's the enemy.
Nick: Look, man. All I need is four rims and four tires. And I'm gone. I'm out of here. You gotta help me.
Car Mechanic: No, I cannot do it. I told you already, your SUV is too big. You no listen.
Nick: Well, use smaller ones.
Car Mechanic: Smaller? Okay, I put on the smaller tire for you.
Nick: Good.
Car Mechanic: And you come back Tuesday.
Nick: What?!
Car Mechanic: Today is New Year's Eve. Time for me to go home. Thank you, bye-bye.
Car Mechanic: I have to go home. It's New Year's Eve, Dick Clark.
Nick: Look, let me just pay you extra.
Car Mechanic: No, no, no, no, and no.
Nick: I can make you worth for a while. See what I got. [pulls out a card] Yao Ming, rookie card.
Car Mechanic: Oh, I see. So you think that just because I am Chinese, you can get me to do anything... [Nick shines the rookie card] Ooh! Hologram.
Nick: Quiet down, there. Have patience.
Kevin and Lindsey: [make alarm blaring noises] Turn if off, Nick! Hurry! Hurry!
Nick: All right, calm down.
Nick: Oh, man! I never ever got to read the manual! [sees the car engulfing in flames; but the flames grow a little more violently] Hit the dirt!
[Nick and the kids leap away from the car, as it explodes and goes into flames]
Nick: No! This is about a year's pay. What did I do... What did I do to deserve this!? Why is this happening to me?! [behind him, Kevin and Lindsey look at each other in worry and regret; Nick looks behind him, to Kevin and Lindsey] It was you two! If I didn't volunteer to babysit you two little demons, this wouldn't have never happened, and I'd still have my car! [Kevin and Lindsey start crying] Go ahead and cry, I don't care., [Nick Becomes Ashamed] Okay, all right, stop the waterworks. Oh, all right. Oh, come on, come on. [Hugs Kevin and Lindsey] Stop crying. Stop crying. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. No, no. I just got a little upset, okay? That's why you buy insurance. All right, let's sit down. Sit down. [Nick, Kevin and Lindsey Sits Down] Come on, now. Right here, right here. It's only a car, okay?
Kevin: We are a lot of trouble. That's why our daddy doesn't wanna be with us.
Nick: Look at me. [Kevin Looks at Nick] Don't say that. That's not true.
Lindsey: But we destroyed your Navigator
Nick: That? Oh, that's nothing. That's just a material object. It means nothing. I wouldn't wanna spend New Year's with us either.

Taglines

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  • 24 hours. 350 miles. His girlfriend's kids. What could possibly go wrong?
  • Coming soon... by plane, by train, by car.
  • To win over their mother, he's driving them across country. What could possibly go wrong?

Cast

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