Animal Crackers (1930 film)

Animal Crackers is a 1930 film starring the Marx Brothers in which mayhem and zaniness ensue when a valuable painting goes missing during a party in honor of celebrated African explorer Captain Spaulding.

Directed by Victor Heerman. Adapted from the play written by George S. Kaufman, Morrie Ryskind, Bert Kalmar, and Harry Ruby.

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Dialogue

Guests: Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer!

Spaulding: Did someone call me schnorrer?

Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!

---

Guests: He put all his reliance
In courage and defiance
And risked his life for science.

Spaulding: Hey, hey!

Mrs. Rittenhouse: He is the only white man who covered every acre...

Spaulding: I think I'll try and make her...

Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!

---

Mrs. Rittenhouse: You are one of the musicians, but you were not due until tomorrow.

Ravelli: Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.

Spaulding: Say, you're lucky he didn't come yesterday.

Ravelli: We were busy yesterday. But we charge just the same.

Spaulding: This is better than exploring. What do you fellas get an hour?

Ravelli: Oh, for playing, we get ten dollars an hour.

Spaulding: I see. What do you get for not playing?

Ravelli: Twelve dollars an hour.

Spaulding: Well, clip me off a piece of that.

Ravelli: Now for rehearsing, we make special rate: that's'a fifteen dollars an hour.

Spaulding: That's for rehearsing?

Ravelli: That's for rehearsing.

Spaulding: And what do you get for not rehearsing?

Ravelli: You couldn't afford it. You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play. And if we don't play [snaps fingers], that runs into money.

Spaulding: How much would you want to run into an open manhole?

Ravelli: Just the cover charge. [Laughs with Mrs. Rittenhouse.]

Spaulding: Well, drop in some time.

Ravelli: Sewer.

Spaulding: Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.

Ravelli: Well, let's see how we stand.

Spaulding: Flat-footed.

Ravelli: Yesterday, we didn't come. [to Mrs. Rittenhouse] You remember, yesterday, we didn't come.

Spaulding: Oh, I remember.

Ravelli: Yeah, that's three hundred dollars.

Spaulding: Yesterday, you didn't come, that's three hundred dollars.

Ravelli: Yes, that's three hundred dollars.

Spaulding: Well, that's reasonable, I can see that all right.

Ravelli: Now today, we did come. That's, uh...

Spaulding: That's a hundred you owe us.

Ravelli: Hey, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal. Tomorrow, we leave. That's worth about...

Spaulding: A million dollars.

Ravelli: Yeah, that's all right for me, but I gotta partner.

Spaulding: A partner?!

Hives: (announcing) The Professor!

---

[the paintings have all been recovered]

Hennessy: [to the Professor] You'd better come with me, young fellow!

Spaulding: Don't take him away, Officer! He returned the paintings. [the Professor shakes Spaulding's hand] Pardon me, my name is Spaulding, and I've always wanted to meet you.

Hennessy: ...All right. I'll let him go this time. [the Professor shakes his hand] But I want to give you some advice: you're running around with the wrong kind of people! Do you want to be a crook? [the Professor grins and nods, startling Hennesy; Ravelli and Spaulding both roll their eyes] Now, why don't you go home?

Ravelli: He's got no home.

Hennessy: Go home for a few nights, and stay home. [the Professor nods, removing his left hand from his belt and letting it hang, Hennessy claps him on the right shoulder gently] Don't you know your poor old mother sits there-

[he is interrupted by clanging noises as stolen silverware falls from the Professor's sleeve]

Hennessy: Sits there, night af- [more silverware] Night after night. [more silverware] Waiting to hear your steps on the stairs.

Ravelli: He's got no stairs.

Hennessy: And I can see a little light, burn- [more silverware] Burning in the window.

Spaulding: No you can't, the gas company turned it off.

Hennessy: Now, what I'm telling you is for your own good- [more silverware] And if you listen to me- [more silverware] You can't go wrong- [he is cut off completely by a crash as a particularly large bunch of silverware hits the floor]

Spaulding: This may go on for years.

Hennessy: Now, there's just one th- [He is once again cut off by the silverware]

Spaulding: I can't understand what's delaying that coffeepot. [the Professor shifts his arm, and a coffeepot falls out of his sleeve] Where's the cream?

Hennessy: Well, you've certainly surprised me!

Spaulding: Me too; I thought he had more than that!

---

Ravelli: I've got Ace-a spades. He’s got Ace-a spades! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's what you called quinsidenses.

Mrs. Rittenhouse: Two Aces of spades?

Ravelli: Yeah, he's got thousands of them.

---

Ravelli: How did you get to be Roscoe W.Chandler?

Chandler: How did you get to be an Italian?

Ravelli: Never mind! Whose confession is this?

External links

• Animal Crackers quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• Animal Crackers at Rotten Tomatoes
• Animal Crackers at Filmsite.org