Animal Crackers (1930 film)

1930 Marx Brothers film by Victor Heerman
(Redirected from Animal Crackers (film))

Animal Crackers is a 1930 American film starring the Marx Brothers in which mayhem and zaniness ensue when a valuable painting goes missing during a party in honor of celebrated African explorer Captain Spaulding.

Directed by Victor Heerman. Adapted from the play written by George S. Kaufman, Morrie Ryskind, Bert Kalmar, and Harry Ruby.
The maddest comics of them all!

Jeffrey Spaulding



Guests: Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer!
Spaulding: Did someone call me schnorrer?
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!

Guests: He put all his reliance
In courage and defiance
And risked his life for science.
Spaulding: Hey, hey!
Mrs. Rittenhouse: He is the only white man who covered every acre...
Spaulding: I think I'll try and make her...
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!

Mrs. Rittenhouse: You are one of the musicians, but you were not due until tomorrow.
Ravelli: Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.
Spaulding: Say, you're lucky he didn't come yesterday.
Ravelli: We were busy yesterday. But we charge just the same.
Spaulding: This is better than exploring. What do you fellas get an hour?
Ravelli: Oh, for playing, we get ten dollars an hour.
Spaulding: I see. What do you get for not playing?
Ravelli: Twelve dollars an hour.
Spaulding: Well, clip me off a piece of that.
Ravelli: Now for rehearsing, we make special rate: that's'a fifteen dollars an hour.
Spaulding: That's for rehearsing?
Ravelli: That's for rehearsing.
Spaulding: And what do you get for not rehearsing?
Ravelli: You couldn't afford it. You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play. And if we don't play [snaps fingers], that runs into money.
Spaulding: How much would you want to run into an open manhole?
Ravelli: Just the cover charge. [Laughs with Mrs. Rittenhouse.]
Spaulding: Well, drop in some time.
Ravelli: Sewer.
Spaulding: Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.
Ravelli: Well, let's see how we stand.
Spaulding: Flat-footed.
Ravelli: Yesterday, we didn't come. [to Mrs. Rittenhouse] You remember, yesterday, we didn't come.
Spaulding: Oh, I remember.
Ravelli: Yeah, that's three hundred dollars.
Spaulding: Yesterday, you didn't come, that's three hundred dollars.
Ravelli: Yes, that's three hundred dollars.
Spaulding: Well, that's reasonable, I can see that all right.
Ravelli: Now today, we did come. That's, uh...
Spaulding: That's a hundred you owe us.
Ravelli: Hey, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal. Tomorrow, we leave. That's worth about...
Spaulding: A million dollars.
Ravelli: Yeah, that's all right for me, but I gotta partner.
Spaulding: A partner?!
Hives: (announcing) The Professor!

[the paintings have all been recovered]
Hennessy: [to the Professor] You'd better come with me, young fellow!
Spaulding: Don't take him away, Officer! He returned the paintings. [the Professor shakes Spaulding's hand] Pardon me, my name is Spaulding, and I've always wanted to meet you.
Hennessy: ...All right. I'll let him go this time. [the Professor shakes his hand] But I want to give you some advice: you're running around with the wrong kind of people! Do you want to be a crook? [the Professor grins and nods, startling Hennesy; Ravelli and Spaulding both roll their eyes] Now, why don't you go home?
Ravelli: He's got no home.
Hennessy: Go home for a few nights, and stay home. [the Professor nods, removing his left hand from his belt and letting it hang, Hennessy claps him on the right shoulder gently] Don't you know your poor old mother sits there-
[he is interrupted by clanging noises as stolen silverware falls from the Professor's sleeve]
Hennessy: Sits there, night af- [more silverware] Night after night. [more silverware] Waiting to hear your steps on the stairs.
Ravelli: He's got no stairs.
Hennessy: And I can see a little light, burn- [more silverware] Burning in the window.
Spaulding: No you can't, the gas company turned it off.
Hennessy: Now, what I'm telling you is for your own good- [more silverware] And if you listen to me- [more silverware] You can't go wrong- [he is cut off completely by a crash as a particularly large bunch of silverware hits the floor]
Spaulding: This may go on for years.
Hennessy: Now, there's just one th- [He is once again cut off by the silverware]
Spaulding: I can't understand what's delaying that coffeepot. [the Professor shifts his arm, and a coffeepot falls out of his sleeve] Where's the cream?
Hennessy: Well, you've certainly surprised me!
Spaulding: Me too; I thought he had more than that!

Ravelli: I've got Ace-a spades. He’s got Ace-a spades! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's what you called quinsidenses.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Two Aces of spades?
Ravelli: Yeah, he's got thousands of them.

Ravelli: How did you get to be Roscoe W.Chandler?
Chandler: How did you get to be an Italian?
Ravelli: Never mind! Whose confession is this?

[Ravelli's monotonous piano playing]
Spaulding: When you get near a song, play it.
Ravelli: I think I went past it.
Spaulding: When you come around again, jump off.
Ravelli: I once kept this up for three days.

Ravelli: The motive for the theft was robbery. That's my solution!
Spaulding: Yeah, and I wish you were in it! You ought to lie down for a couple of years.
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