Alice's Sister: Alice. Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?
Alice: I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?
Alice's Sister: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.
Alice: In this world, perhaps, but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.
Alice's Sister: Your world? Huh! What nonsense.
Alice: [getting inspiration] Nonsense?
Alice's Sister: Once more, from the beginning.
Alice: [to her cat] That's it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be it would. You see? [Dinah meows] In my world, you wouldn't say "meow." You'd say, "Yes, Miss Alice." [Dinah meows] Oh, but you would. You'd be just like people, Dinah. And all the other animals too.
Alice: Oh, Dinah. It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat-- and a watch!
Rabbit: Oh, my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Alice: Now this is curious. What could a rabbit possibly be late for? [running after him] Please, sir!
Rabbit: I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date. No time to say hello. Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
Alice: [looking through the Doorknob's keyhole] There he is! I simply must get through.
Doorknob: Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable.
Alice: You mean "impossible".
Doorknob: No, impassable. Nothing's impossible.
Alice: [reading the bottle's label] "Drink Me". [uncorks the bottle] Hm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later.
Doorknobː Beg your pardon?
Aliceː [laughs] I was just giving myself some good advice. [sighs] But... [drinks from the "Drink Me" bottle] Mmm... tastes like, uh, cherry tart. [unknowingly shrinks down to the size of the table; takes another sip] Custard. [shrinks down again, barely holding onto the bottle; takes another drink] Pineapple. [shrinks down so much, she's now even smaller than the bottle itself and struggling with its weight] Roast turkey - [finally aware of the potion's effect] Goodness! [unable to support the bottle any longer, she slips and drops it; the "Drink Me" label covers her] What did I do?!
Doorknob: [chuckles] You almost went out like a candle!
Alice: [runs up to the Doorknob; delighted] But look! I'm just the right size!
[She's about to open the door, but the Doorknob pulls away.]
Doorknob: No use. [laughs] I forgot to tell you. I'm locked!
Alice: Oh no!
Doorknob: [stops laughing] But of course, you've got the key, so-
Alice: What key?
Doorknob: Now, don't tell me you've left it up there?!
[A key magically appears on the table Alice can no longer reach.]
Alice: Oh dear!
Alice: Oh, but that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk.
Rose: But of course we can talk, my dear.
Iris: If there's anyone around worth talking to.
Daisy: Or about. [giggles]
Daisy: What kind of a garden do you come from?
Alice: Oh, I don't come from any garden.
Daisy: [gasps, to Iris] Do you suppose she's a wildflower?
Alice: [giggles] Oh no. I'm not a wildflower.
Rose: Just what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear?
Alice: Well, I guess you would call me... genus, humanus... Alice.
Daisy: Ever see an alice with a blossom like that?
Iris: Come to think of it, did you ever see an alice?
Daisy: Yes, and did you notice her petals? What a peculiar color.
Iris: [sniffing Alice's hair] And no fragrance.
Daisy: [chuckling, as she lifts up one side of Alice's dress] And just look at those stems.
Iris: [as Alice slaps Daisy's leaves away] Rather scrawny, I'd say.
Bud: I think she's pretty.
Rose: Quiet, Bud.
Caterpillar: [meeting Alice] Who... 'R'... 'U'?
Alice: I- I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: I do not 'C.' Explain yourself.
Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me.
Caterpillar: 'U'? Who 'R' 'U'?
Alice: Oh dear, everything is so confusing.
Caterpillar: It is not.
Alice: Well, it is to me.
Alice: Well, I can't remember things like I used to, and...
Alice: Hm? Oh! Oh, yes, sir. Um, how doth the little bumblebee improve each...
Caterpillar: Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How... [realizes nothing is coming out of his pipe and notices one of his set of hands grasping on the tube, clogging it; it slaps the hands to get it off the pipe; Alice giggles a bit, but the Caterpiller gives Alice a displeasing look] How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... [shakes a bit] How cheer... [notices one set of feet teetering on the leaf he's sitting on; he grabs them and puts them back on the leaf; Alice giggles again] How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws.
Alice: Well, I must say, I've never heard it that way before.
Caterpillar: I know. I have improoooved it.
Caterpillar: "Exaketededly", what is your problem?
Alice: Well, it's exak... exact... Well, it's precisely this. I should like to be a little larger, sir.
Alice: Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and...
Caterpillar: [suddenly angry]I am "exaketededly" three inches high, and it is a very good height, indeed!
Bird in the Tree: A serpent! Help! Help! A serpent, a serpent!
Alice: Oh, but please! Please!
Bird in the Tree: Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpeeeent!
Alice: But I'm not a serpent!
Bird in the Tree: Serpent- Indeed? Then just what are you?
Alice: I'm just a little girl.
Bird in the Tree: Little? Ha! Little?[laughs]
Alice: Well, I am! I mean, I-I was.
Bird in the Tree: And I suppose you don't eat eggs, either?
Alice: Yes, I do, but, but, but...
Bird in the Tree: I knew it! I knew it! Serpent! Serpeeeent!
Alice: Oh, for goodness sake!
Cheshire Cat: [singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogroves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Alice: Now where in the world do you suppose that...?
Cheshire Cat: Lose something?
Alice: [turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her] Oh! Uh, hehe, I...I, no, no, I mean, I, I was just wondering...
Cheshire Cat: Oh, that's...quite all right. One moment please. [two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and the full cat form appears] Second chorus. [singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
Alice: Why, why you're a cat!
Cheshire Cat: A Cheshire Cat. [starts to disappear] All mimsy were the borogroves...
Alice: Oh, wait! Don't go, please!
Cheshire Cat: [reappears] There you are! Third chorus...
Alice: Oh, no, no. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask which way I ought to go.
Cheshire Cat: Well that depends on where you ought to get to.
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go. Oh by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way.
Alice: Who did?
Cheshire Cat: The White Rabbit.
Alice: He did?
Chesire Cat: He did what?
Alice: He went that way.
Chesire Cat: Who did?
Alice: The White Rabbit!
Chesire Cat: What rabbit?
Alice: But didn't you just say-? I mean- Oh dear!
Chesire Cat: Can you stand on your head? If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no...
Cheshire Cat: Or, there's the March Hare, in that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I think i shall visit him...
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people!
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here. [laughs maniacally and begins to disappear] You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.
Alice: I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. [March Hare offers her a cup of tea] Thank you.
March Hare: [yanks her teacup away] Birthday? My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party.
Mad Hatter: Of course not. This is an unbirthday party.
Alice: Unbirthday? I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand.
March Hare: It's very simple. Now, thirty days has Septem -No. wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then you - [laughs] She doesn't know what an unbirthday is.
Mad Hatter: Would you like a little more tea?
Alice: Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more.
March Hare: Ah, you mean you can't very well take less.
Mad Hatter: Yes. You can always take more than nothing.
Mad Hatter: [after they have restrained the Dormouse] Ah thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
March Hare: See all the trouble you started?
Alice: But I didn't think...
March Hare: Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk.
Mad Hatter: What's the matter, my dear? Don't you care for tea?
Alice: Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea, but-
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!
Alice: [frustrated] Well, I've been trying to ask you-
March Hare: I have an excellent idea. Let's change the subject.
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Alice: Riddles? [to herself] Let me see. Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?
Alice: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: [shocked] WHY IS A WHAT?!
March Hare: [nervously] Careful! SHE'S STARK RAVING MAD!
Alice: But it's your silly riddle. You just said...
Mad Hatter: [nervously] Easy! Don't get excited!
March Hare: [trying to make peace with Alice] How about a nice cup of tea?
Alice: [angrily] "Have a cup of tea" indeed! Well, I'M sorry, but I just HAVEN'T the time!
March Hare: THE TIME! THE TIME! WHO'S GOT THE TIME?
White Rabbit: N-n-n-no time, no time, no time! Hello, good bye, I'm late, I'm late
Alice: The rabbit!
White Rabbit: I'm so late! I'm so very late
Mad Hatter: [snatching the White Rabbit's Watch] Well, no wonder you're late! Why this clock is EXACTLY two days slow!
Rabbit: Two days slow?
Mad Hatter: Of course you're late! [chuckles as he dunks the watch in the tea] MY GOODNESS! we'll have to look into this. [places a salt shaker over his eye and uses it as a jeweler's eyepiece ]AHA! I see what's wrong with it! [starts to pry parts out of the watch with a fork ] Why, this watch is full of wheels!
Rabbit: [shocked]OH, MY GOOD WATCH!! OH, MY WHEELS! AND SPRINGS! But-but-but-but-but-but-
Mad Hatter: BUTTER! Of course! It NEEDS some butter. BUTTER!!!
Mad Hatter: OH, MY GOODNESS! OH, DEAR, LOOK AT THAT!
March Hare: THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP A MAD WATCH! [smashes watch with a mallet]
Mad Hatter: Two days slow. That's what it is.
Alice: Oh, Cheshire Cat! It's you!
Cheshire Cat: Whom did you expect? The White Rabbit perchance?
Alice: [crying] Oh, no, no, no. I-I-I'm through with white rabbits. I want to go home! [blows nose] But I can't find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Naturally. That's because you have no way. All ways here, you see, are the QUEEN'S WAYS!!
Alice: But I've never met any Queen.
Cheshire Cat: You haven't? You haven't?! Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you. Simply mad.
Queen of Hearts: And who is this?
King of Hearts: Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club?
Queen of Hearts: Off with his head!
King of Hearts: Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the Queen. Uh, you heard what she said.
Alice: Ohhh...... [gets tickled by the Pink Flamingo and starts laughing and then pounds the flamingo repeatedly on the ground] Stop!
Queen of Hearts: Oh, of all of the impossible......
Alice: Do you want us BOTH to lose our heads?!
Pink Flamingo: Uh-huh.
Alice: Well, I don't!
White Rabbit: Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved...
Queen of Hearts: Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper.
White Rabbit: ...thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper.
Queen of Hearts: [to Alice] Now... are you ready for your sentence?
Alice: Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first...
Queen of Hearts: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.
Alice: But that just isn't the way...
Queen of Hearts: [shouting] All ways are...!
Alice: ...your ways, your Majesty.
King of Hearts: What do you know about this unfortunate affair?
March Hare: Nothing.
Queen of Hearts: Nothing whatever?
March Hare: Nothing whatever!
Queen of Hearts: [shouts] That's very important! Jury, write that down!
Alice: [to the card guards, after she grows to the height of the courtroom] Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you. Why, you're nothing but a pack of cards.
King of Hearts: [reading through a rulebook] Rule 42: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately!
Alice: I am not a mile high! And I am not leaving.
Queen of Hearts: [nervously] I'm sorry! It's Rule 42, you know.
Alice: Now as for you, Your Majesty. [unaware that she is shrinking quickly] Your Majesty, indeed. Why, you're not a queen. You're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old- [finally realizes she has shrunk down] -tyrant.
Queen of Hearts: And what were you saying, my dear?
Cheshire Cat: [appears suddenly] Well, she simply said you're a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant! [disappears laughing]
No story in English literature has intrigued me more than Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. It fascinated me the first time I read it as a schoolboy and as soon as I possibly could after I started making animated cartoons, I acquired the film rights to it. People in his period had no time to waste on triviality, yet Carroll with his nonsense and fantasy furnished a balance between seriousness and enjoyment which everybody needed then and still needs today.