The Haunted Mansion is a 2003 American fantasy comedy film based on the attraction of the same name at Disney theme parks. The film was directed by Rob Minkoff and written by David Berenbaum. It was released on November 26, 2003 and is Disney's fifth film based on an attraction at one of its theme parks, following Tower of Terror (1997), Mission to Mars (2000), The Country Bears (2002) and Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) (the latter being the first installment of Pirates of the Caribbean film series).
It follows estate agent Jim Evers and his family as they enter Gracey Manor and learn of the curse and its ghost occupants.
- (opening line) Haven't you? (about the fireplace when Sarah says she hasn't seen anything like it)
- (to Jim) Tell me, Mr Evers... do you believe in... ghosts?
- Elizabeth. Hers is the story that haunts these halls.
- If you truly love someone, they never leave you.
- This mansion has waited long for its shroud of darkness to be lifted.
- I am Ramsley.
- The storm has flooded the road. There will be no leaving the mansion tonight!
- (to Jim) May I confide in you? The master is not well. He must leave this house, Mr Evers, he must move on.
- (about his job as a butler) Attending to every detail. Understanding priorities. And, above all, knowing one's place!
- No Mr Evers, I am a rational man.
- DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
- (opening line) It's fantastic isn't it. Sometimes, when you step into a house, you know straight away whether its good.
- (catchphrase) Hello, Jim Evers, of Evers & Evers Real Estate?
- If people see you're scared, they'll use it against you - look, I'm your dad, and I'm not scared!?
- If you want to kill me, kill me. But when I come round the Other Side, I'll just be whippin' your ass for all eternity; so maybe you should read this before you stab somebody!
- Yeah, how do we get out of here?
- The guy is dead, he wants to get jiggy with my wife; of course I'm upset!
- Madame Leota: Dark spirits from the grave come forth. Lift us from the black. And show us, show us the way back.
- Jim Evers: Dark spirits? Hey, no dark spirits! Don't you make no dark spirits come out!
- Jim Evers: Hey, honey, you know they have dead people in the backyard.
- Sara Evers: Well, some people have swimming pools, others have private cemetaries. It can happen.
[about to go over a steep hill]
- Jim Evers: Hold on!
- Madame Leota: With what?
- Megan: But how do we get out of here?
- Jim: Yeah, how do we get out of here?
- Ezra: Well... um.... there's always... my way!
(cuts to ghost carriage bursting out the wall)
[Jim, Megan and Michael, are in the carriage riding past all the ghosts in the graveyard]
- Michael Evers: Dad?
- Jim Evers: Yeah, son?
- Michael Evers: I see dead people.
- Madame Leota: Angels in Heaven, together at last. The tale is well ended for those who have passed. Love endures all, no reason, no rhyme. It lasts forever and forever all the time.
- Megan Evers: Mom, Leota won't shut up.
- Michael Evers: Are we there yet?
- Megan Evers: I'm getting pretty hungry.
- Michael Evers: Can we stop for pizza?
- Jim Evers: Hey, how long before we get there, Sara?
- Sara Evers: 20 minutes, tops.
- Jim Evers: Nothing takes 20 minutes.
- Jim Evers: I gotta help my wife. She'll be...
- Singing Busts: [singing] Comin' round the mountain when she comes...
- Michael Evers: [of the spider] I don't wanna whack it, Dad!
- Ramsley: Damn you. Damn you all to Hell!
[Emma is carrying a lot of cases for the trip to Heaven]
- Ezra: [indicating the cases] What's all this?
- Emma: Well, I don't know what we'll need.
- Ezra: What are you talking about? We're going to Heaven. You can't take it with you.
- Emma: The Hell I can't!
- Jim Evers: Wait a minute. You're telling me this guy is dead, and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to get jiggy with my wife.
- Ezra: Pretty much. Are you upset?
- Jim Evers: The guy is dead, and he's trying to get with my wife. And the house isn't really for sale. Yes, I'm upset.
- Jim Evers: The butler did it? You got to be kidding me.
- Master Gracey: (he has just read Elizabeth's real letter) What's the meaning of this?
- Ramsley: Must we continue to listen to the ramblings of a lunatic?
- Master Gracey:But it is written in her hand!
- Jim: Yeah, it's written in her hand, explain that, Ramsley!
- Master Gracey: WELL!?
- Ramsley: Your union... was unacceptable.
- Master Gracey: So you killed her...!
- Ramsley: I warned you it would be a mistake to run away with that girl!
- Master Gracey: But I loved her. Was love my mistake?
- Ramsley: Yes! All these years, I have devoted to you. But what would you understand of loyalty, devotion, and honour? WELL DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL, TO HELL!
- Master Gracey: Tell me, Mr. Evers. Do you believe in ghosts?
[during the sham wedding ceremony]
- Master Gracey: [extended his hand to Sara] Elizabeth?
[Sara glances at Ramsley, remembers he is holding Michael and Megan captive, and plays her part]
- Sara Evers: [takes Gracey's hand] Yes, my love.
[Sara has denied her identity as Elizabeth]
- Master Gracey: [on the verge of tears] She doesn't remember! It can't be her!
- Ramsley: It is her, sir. The gypsy woman prophesized her return and now the time has come. You'd had best get ready.
- Master Gracey: But she doesn't remember!
- Ramsley: In time she will, sir. I assure you, she will.
- [Emma and Ezra has discovered the children in the attic]
- Emma: Are you kids hungry? Does anybody want a cookie?
- Ezra: Cookies? Don't offer them cookies. They're trespassers. Trespassers don't get cookies. This is none of their concern.
- Emma: [angrily] It is their concern. They're involved.
[during the wedding service]
- Ramsley: If anybody has objections...
[Jim bursts in]
- Jim Evers: Yeah, I got a few objections!
- Jim Evers: Don't you make no dark spirits come out while I'm sitting. Wait 'til I leave before those dark spirits come out