The Haunted Mansion is a 2003 American fantasy comedy film based on the attraction of the same name at Disney theme parks. The film was directed by Rob Minkoff and written by David Berenbaum. It was released on November 26, 2003 and is Disney's fifth film based on an attraction at one of its theme parks, following Tower of Terror (1997), Mission to Mars (2000), The Country Bears (2002) and Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) (the latter being the first installment of Pirates of the Caribbean film series).
- Madame Leota: Dark spirits from the grave come forth. Lift us from the black. And show us, show us the way back.
- Jim Evers: Dark spirits? Hey, no dark spirits! Don't you make no dark spirits come out!
- Jim Evers: Hey, honey, you know they have dead people in the backyard.
- Sara Evers: Well, some people have swimming pools, others have private cemetaries. It can happen.
[about to go over a steep hill]
- Jim Evers: Hold on!
- Madame Leota: With what?
[Jim, Megan and Michael, are in the carriage riding past all the ghosts in the graveyard]
- Michael Evers: Dad?
- Jim Evers: Yeah, son?
- Michael Evers: I see dead people.
- Madame Leota: Angels in Heaven, together at last. The tale is well ended for those who have passed. Love endures all, no reason, no rhyme. It lasts forever and forever all the time.
- Megan Evers: Mom, Leota won't shut up.
- Michael Evers: Are we there yet?
- Megan Evers: I'm getting pretty hungry.
- Michael Evers: Can we stop for pizza?
- Jim Evers: Hey, how long before we get there, Sara?
- Sara Evers: 20 minutes, tops.
- Jim Evers: Nothing takes 20 minutes.
- Jim Evers: I gotta help my wife. She'll be...
- Singing Busts: [singing] Comin' round the mountain when she comes...
- Michael Evers: [of the spider] I don't wanna whack it, Dad!
- Ramsley: Damn you. Damn you all to Hell!
[Emma is carrying a lot of cases for the trip to heaven]
- Ezra: [indicating the cases] What's all this?
- Emma: Well, I don't know what we'll need.
- Ezra: What are you talking about? We're going to heaven. You can't take it with you.
- Emma: The hell I can't!
- Jim Evers: Wait a minute. You're telling me this guy is dead, and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to get jiggy with my wife.
- Ezra: Pretty much. Are you upset?
- Jim Evers: The guy is dead, and he's trying to get with my wife. And the house isn't really for sale. Yes, I'm upset.
- Jim Evers: The butler did it? You got to be kidding me.
- Master Gracey: But I lover her. Was love my mistake?
- Ramsley: Yes!
- Master Gracey: Tell me, Mr. Evers. Do you believe in ghosts?
[during the sham wedding ceremony]
- Master Gracey: [extended his hand to Sara] Elizabeth?
[Sara glances at Ramsley, remembers he is holding Michael and Megan captive, and plays her part]
- Sara Evers: [takes Gracey's hand] Yes, my love.
[Sara has denied her identity as Elizabeth]
- Master Gracey: [on the verge of tears] She doesn't remember! It can't be her!
- Ramsley: It is her, sir. The gypsy woman prophesized her return and now the time has come. You'd had best get ready.
- Master Gracey: But she doesn't remember!
- Ramsley: In time she will, sir. I assure you, she will.
- [Emma and Ezra has discovered the children in the attic]
- Emma: Are you kids hungry? Does anybody want a cookie?
- Ezra: Cookies? Don't offer them cookies. They're trespassers. Trespassers don't get cookies. This is none of their concern.
- Emma: [angrily] It is their concern. They're involved.
[during the wedding service]
- Ramsley: If anybody has objections...
[Jim bursts in]
- Jim Evers: Yeah, I got a few objections!