Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction

Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction is a 2007 third person shooter platformer for PlayStation 3 by Insomniac Games.

Ratchet

[After crashing hoverbike] Well, looks like we're going on foot. At least I can try out my new nav-unit.
[When hitting Cragpoles with the Gyro-Cycle] YES! Thats gonna add a few points to my license!

Captain Qwark

Deadmeat! Its dark in here! So... scared!
He just can't seem to land a hit, folks. This guy must be more irritated than a one-legged droid in butt kicking contest!
See how our opponent flees his attackers. His hand between his legs, his eyes filled with tears... I taught him that trick...
[When you equip the Razor Claws] Gotta love Razor claws. Lethal, precise, and stunning to look at! Like me, Captain Qwark!
[When you equip the Tornado Launcher] Sweet Jupiter! What kind of black magic voodoo does this guy wield?! He controls the forces of nature!
[When you equip the Buzz Blades] Hey hey hey! You could've taken someone's eye out with those things!
Whoa, that looked painful! I would turn away if I weren't already completely desensitized by Holonet violence.
This is just a reminder folks, streaking through the arena is prohibited by law. I'm looking at you, Crushto!
Tired of losing crop after crop of jellyweed thanks to fossilmite infestation? Try Grummelnet's new and improved Lawn Ninjas! Protecting your garden, with the quickness!
Watching this young buck fight reminds me what got me into gladiating...Honour, courage, glory! And of course the groupies, ahhhh, groupies...
Owned! By a wrench to the skull!
Mustachio enjoys hoverball, stamp collecting, and taking long walks on the beach, with small robotic know-it-alls...When he grows up he says he wants to be just like, (gasp) Captain Qwark! How unexpected!
Will our challenger crush Crushto, or will he become interstellar fish food?
This giant mechanical robot... slash... fish... thingy... enjoys tennis, arts and crafts and... sushi?! Heh, who knew?
[Lethal Gas challenge] Whoa! I haven't smelled gas this lethal, since I took Helga to that all you can eat buffet on planet Veldin!
We have a new champion! Congratulations Mustachio! You've defied the odds, and managed, not to die!
[Qwark's plan of attack] Zordoom prison! A dangerous dungeon of dastardly denizens, death and destruction! A deadly den of devious, desperadoes, damaged by decades of d... uhhh... let's just say, they're criminals... To infiltrate this fortified, fortress of fear, our agent, codenamed 'Deadmeat', will make his way across the grindway of certain death, traverse the walkway of tortured souls, and ascend the grav-ramp into the mouth of the jolly jackal! While I direct the operation from my townhouse of solitude, our agent will jump down the elevator shaft to the lair of eternal sorrow... It is here he will be confronted by an army of Tachyon troopers, a battalion of embattled bandits, and an entire school of Zombie Ninja Panda Bears! Good luck, Deadmeat! May you die a glorious heroes death!
[At Zordoom Prison] Stronghold to deadmeat. Operation Deathwish, is a go...
[At Zordoom Prison] Just ahead of you is the Grindrail of Certain Death. You'll need to use this in order to reach the skydock.
[At Zordoom Prison] With my guidance, and your fortuity, you just might make it out of here alive!
[At Zordoom Prison] Okay, you should be at the grav-ramp... What's the point of these things anyway? Hasn't anyone ever heard of stairs?
[At Zordoom Prison] Okay, so there are no tortured souls, but be careful of those spotlights... they activate Zordoom's impenetrable defense systems.
[At Zordoom Prison] I'm picking up multiple enemies in your sector Deadmeat, what ever you do, do not- Oh, hold on, call waiting.
[At Zordoom Prison] You made it? Yes, I mean you made it! Now head inside and use your Decrypter thingy-ma-jig to hack the brigde.
[At Zordoom Prison] Here it is Deadmeat, the entry point to the main cell block. Once you've hacked the elevator control, you'll be able to hurl yourself down this dark elevator shaft!
[At Zordoom Prison] Wow, this definitely wasn't in the plan... err gotta run!!
[At Zordoom Prison] Hey, Ratchet, while you where lounging around Zordoom, I managed to steal the coordinates to Kerchu city right off Tachyon's personal computer! No need to thank me, its all in a days work for this superhero...

Mr. Zurkon

Mr. Zurkon does NOT come in peace.
Mr. Zurkon destroy little fishy-men.
[when the Groovitron is deployed] Mr. Zurkon enjoys a good boogie.
1 little, 2 little, 3 little Cragmites. 4 little, 5 little, DEAD little Cragmites.
You dare to hurt measly furball?
You are the disease and Mr. Zurkon is the cure!
Why do you hide, stupid aliens? Mr. Zurkon only wishes to kill you!
Ha! Mr. Zurkon requires no nanotech to survive, Mr. Zurkon lives on fear!
Yoo hoo! Mr. Zurkon is looking to kill you!

Dialogue

Ratchet: And you are...?

Percival Tachyon: Emperor Percival Tachyon, crown prince of the Cragmites, conqueror of space and time, and... pending the obliteration of a few insubordinate species, ruler of the universe!

Ratchet: [in a laughing tone] Your name's Percival? [he and Clank laugh]

Percival: [Yelling] EMPEROR! See the crown, see the sceptre, the giant walking throne and legion of loyal robotic commandos?! [Yelling again] EMPEROR!

Clank: Ratchet, the planetary defense center is 300 cubits below us! How do you suppose we get down?!

Ratchet: I dunno, I'm kinda wingin' it right now...

Ratchet: Cryosleep? Nah, nah, there's no way I'm gonna– [Falls asleep]

Clank: It is fortunate that cryosleep does not work on robots. [Laughs, gets knocked out by a boxing glove]

Smuggler: Don't you lay this on me, you worthless sack of Kerchu sweat! You were supposed to watch the gel gauge!

Parrot: AWK! Blame the parrot, always blame the parrot!

Clank Is everything alright, sir?

Parrot: AWK! Imperial spies, hide their bodies! AWK!!

Smuggler: Well excuse my friend. We're just a couple of humble smugglers, unfairly hunted and prosecuted wherever we go. Yep, seems they shut down the Gelotonium plant. [lifting his eye patch off his left eye] They must be ah..Looking for someone.

Ratchet: Well we're kinda stranded ourselves, our ship crashed back there and-

Parrot: AWK! Kill them now, and sell their kidneys! [Ratchet looks in disbelief and the shutters on Clank's body move]

Smuggler: Stranded, hmm? Well tell you what pal, we're gonna make you a deal, you get those gel pumps working again and we'll ah, procure a vessel for ya. [tossing the gelonator to Ratchet] Here, you'll need this Gelonator. [Ratchet catches the gadget]

Starship Aphelion: Miserable, little Drophyds! I can't believe they used Seeker ammo! Oh what a bunch of cheats! [sees Ratchet with Clank] Oh, a Lombax. I thought I'd never see one again, thanks for repairing me.

Aphelion: [to Ratchet, while fighting Space Pirates] You certainly fly like a Lombax.

Zephyr: Haha! You rookies got the stones for a HALO jump?

Clank: I do not understand. What are stones? Do I have them?

Ratchet: I'll tell you later, and no.

Ratchet: Out of all the boneheaded things Qwark's done over the years! I just hope we're not to late!

Clank: Ratchet, Qwark may be a lot of things, but I do not believe he would hand over the Dimensionator, just to spare his own life!

Zephyr: [Holding Cronk's head] Would you hold still!? I'm tryin' to re-attach yer darn head!

Cronk: Well it got blown off, protecting YOUR rusty bolts from that Craggy-mite slayer!

Zephyr: My bolts aren't rusty, they just haven't been used in a while.

Clank: Message coming from somewhere, inside the city... It sounds like Captain Qwark.

Qwark: Stronghold to Deadmeat, stronghold to Deadmeat! I'm being held prisoner, request assistance A.S.A.P...P 4?

Ratchet: You alright, Qwark?

Qwark: [about Tachyon] That guy is so off my top 8!

Ratchet: We need to stop Tachyon from opening up any more portals, where did he go?

Qwark: [upset] Who knows, who cares? I don't deserve these rock-hard abs, these chiseled features, these impeccable glops... [touching his behind] ...And bulbous buttocks! I'm no superhero, I am Captain Qwark no more! [starts crying]

Ratchet: Get a hold of yourself, Qwark!

Clank: Ratchet, I believe Tachyon is headed for Fastoon. [Qwark continues to bawl]

Ratchet: What, how do you know?

Clank: [Awkwardly] Uh... The Zoni told me...? [Ratchet, now having regained his trust in Clank, smiles]

Ratchet: Then Fastoon it is.

Qwark: [having instantly stopped sobbing and sounds a lot more positive] Smashing idea! I'll stay here and coordinate the relief effort. [with that dialogue, he reenters the chamber he was sealed in and it closes once he gets inside.]

Clank: Ratchet, please understand. The dimensionator must be destroyed!

Ratchet: Why, 'cause your "imaginary friends" told you so?!

Qwark: Ratchet, Clank? Did I call at a bad time?

Ratchet: No, your timing was perfect, Qwark. Did you get the scamatics for Zordoom we asked for?

Qwark: No need for holograms, Ratchet. I happen to be a skilled artist, trained in the prestigious Kerwan Learning Annex. Behold...!

Talwyn: Wow, a jailbreak. [to Ratchet] You sure know how to impress a girl.

Ratchet: You kidding me? [exaggerating] We used to do this kind of stuff back on Kerwan.

Clank: [puzzled] We did? [Ratchet looks at him as if to say "Don't tell the truth"]

Talwyn: [realizing the two came without a explanation] Wait a second… How did you know we were here? [Ratchet and Clank both look at each other awkwardly] Nevermind. [leaving] Come on, we have to free Cronk and Zephyr.

Space Pirate: He's got one of 'em Mag-Net Launchers!

Captain Slag: Arrr... What be that foul smell!?

Rusty Pete: Aye, that oyster chilli be dissagreein' with me somethin' fierce...

Cap'n Slag: No, there be a yet fouler smell, one, I not be smellin' for nigh' 600 moons!

Rusty Pete: Fresh trousers?

Cap'n Slag: Will Rusty Pete please report to the armoury, I need my cannonballs buffed to a high shine.

Cap'n Slag: [Talywn throws a smoke bomb at Slag and Pete] Arrr! Skewer that saucy wench!

Rusty Pete: Aye Cap'n! Skewerin'! [A loud clang is heard]

Cap'n Slag: Arrr! Me wee cannon balls!

Cap'n Slag: [dying] Oh, the end be near. Tis beautiful Pete, a bright light, the end of me dark tunnel, [gasps] wenches as far as the eye can see, each with a pint of grog and a smile for ol' Slag, fare thee well, cruel galaxy, fare thee well. [coughs and finally dies]

Rusty Pete: Cap'n? [realizes Slag is dead] No! Why?! WWHHHHHHHYYYYY!?! [Ratchet just casually shakes his head] [brief silence] [dropping Slag's head] I suppose now that you're our new captain, you'd be needing of 'em gimmicky pirate names "The Dread Pirate Ratchet" perhaps?

Ratchet: Whoa, I'm your new captain?

Rusty Pete: Aye, tis the code sir.

Ratchet: [awkward] Um... thanks, but I'd rather have the Dimensionator. [looks at it thoroughly. Unaware to anyone, a pirate chest slowly comes closer to the Dimensionator]

Clank: [firmly] Ratchet, we cannot allow it to be used even once, it is too dangerous

Ratchet: [sarcastically, but irritated] I see, no way the Lombaxes could've invented something useful.

Clank: It is not logical to use this device, knowing the threat it poses.

Ratchet: [appalled] What threat? You know, ever since the rocket sled you've been nothing but a giant pain in my– [the chest gets closer to him as he is talking, it busts open, startling Ratchet and revealing Qwark to have been moving about in it the whole time] Qwark, what are you doing here!?

Qwark: [taking the Dimensionator and walking over to a shuttle pod] Showing the universe that I'm a superhero. I'm also fighting the Mother of All Wedgies, but mostly, the superhero thing.

Ratchet: [he and Clank are going over to Qwark; seriously] Qwark, put down the Dimensionator.

Qwark: [apparently ignoring Ratchet] I shall now emblazon my name in the Annals of Galactic History; by hurling this infernal contraption into a black hole.

[the pod's top part closes on Qwark and takes off]

Rusty Pete: [putting his hand on Ratchet's shoulder] Don't worry, cap'n. That vessel will set course for the nearest available planet.

Ratchet: Which planet is that?

Rusty Pete: The Cragmite homeworld. Grog? [hiccups]

[On planet Reepor, Ratchet confronts Tachyon who has managed to take the Dimensionator from Qwark, currently pinned down by one of the legs of Tachyon's robotic throne]

Tachyon: [laughs maniacally, sees Ratchet] How fitting. The son of the Lombaxes and the Crown Prince of the Cragmites on the very ground their ancesters last fought. How do you like my planet, Lombax? It's been dormant for years thanks to your kind.

Qwark: [cheerful] I love the ruins! Fung shui meets drab and dismal, I dig it.

Tachyon: [the throne blocks Qwark's mouth, preventing him from saying anything else] Silence, you halfwit! I'll deal with your deceitfulness later. [turns his head at Ratchet; to Ratchet] I've waited years for this moment, finally the time has come for the Cragmites... [pulling on cord attached to the Dimensionator] ...To rise again! [nothing happens, Tachyon notices this, clears his throat, pulling the cord again] To rise again! [the Dimensionator continues to remain unresponsive, Ratchet glances at Qwark who still has his mouth covered. Tachyon; annoyed by the faultiness of the Dimensionator, twitches his eye] TO RISE AGAIN! [along with these words, Tachyon pulls the cord for a third time and successfully activates the Dimensionator at last, the bridge starts to rumble and break] The horrors, committed by your race during the Great War shall finally be reversed. Dimensionator, find the Cragmites. [a portal opens and the bridge Ratchet is currently on starts to fall apart, he nearly falls but is saved by Clank (still attached to his back) who grabs onto the edge of the platform. Cragmites in their atomized forms, emerge out of the portal as Tachyon laughs in triumph. A large Cragmite materializes and roars, the sight causes Ratchet to faint]

Clank: [panicking] Ratchet, Ratchet! Please... wake up. [the rumbling caused by the Dimensionator, causes Ratchet to come loose from Clank and fall into the abyss, Clank watches in sadness before another shake causes him to let go and fall]

Zordoom Prison PA: As a reminder to all inmates, anyone caught mocking Emperor Tachyon's name, or size, will be immediately executed by a firing squad.

Zordoom Prison PA: Inmate number 829C. Cognito, Slim, please report to sector twelve for transport to cryosleep chamber.

Zordoom Prison PA: Inmate number 510D, Hardlight, Ace, please report to the mess hall for kitchen duty

Zordoom Prison PA: Attention inmates. Anyone caught smuggling grummelnet contraband into the prison, will be forced to listen to Grubthorin folk music for 10 cycles.

Voice Cast

James Arnold Taylor as Ratchet
David Kaye as Clank
Jim Ward as Captain Qwark
Andy Morris as Emperor Tachyon
Tara Strong as Talwyn Apogee
Richard Steven Horvitz as Zoni
Robin Atkin Downes as Captain Romulus Slag
Wally Wingert as Rusty Pete
Marc Graue as Mr. Zurkon

External links

Wikipedia

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Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction