Last modified on 6 February 2015, at 18:26

National Lampoon's Vacation

The Griswold's Family Truckster

National Lampoon's Vacation is a 1983 film about the Griswold family's cross-country drive to the WallyWorld theme park that proves to be much more arduous than they ever anticipated.

Every summer Chevy Chase takes his family on a little trip. This year he went too far.


Car Salesman: Wait a minute, I'll get to the bottom of this, we'll find your car. Davenport!
Davenport: Yes, Mr. Ed.
Car Salesman: Where is Mr. Griswold's Sports Wagon?
Davenport: I don't know sir.
Car Salesman: I know what must have happened. It didn't come in. Now I can get you the Sports Wagon; the only problem is that it may take six weeks. I owe it to myself to tell you that if you're taking the whole tribe cross-country, the Wagon Queen Family Truckster is the way to go. You think you hate it now, but just wait until you drive it.
Clark: Ed, I'm not your average everyday fool. Now I want my super sports wagon now, or I'm gonna take my business elsewhere!
Car Salesman: Davenport! Get Mr. Griswald's car and bring it back here!
[the car is in the process of being smashed. It returns flat, and Clark tries to squat and open the door]

Ellen: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins it's okay by me. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.

Ellen: Gee Cath look's like you really got your hands full.
Catherine: Oh, it's not so bad. Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs.

Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie. [looking at raw tomato paste] Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best!

Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!
Ellen: Oh - we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?
Clark: Clark.
Aunt Edna: I thought so. Whew! Well am I gonna eat, or am I gonna starve to death?

Aunt Edna: Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as hell can't take a hint.
Cousin Eddie: Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?
Clark: [pulling some 20s out of his wallet] Sure, Eddie, how much do you need?
Cousin Eddie: About fifty-two thousand dollars.
[Clark quickly begins putting the money back in his wallet]

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey: So, everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
[Audrey looks incredulously at Vicki]

Clark: Despite all the little problems it's fun isn't it?
Ellen: No. But with every new day there's fresh hope.

[In the middle of a desert. Clark is going crazy as he trots through the hills. Two men on horses watch him]
Clark: We passed a gas station every 10 yards for 1000 miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ASS off! This is no way to run a desert! HA!!!!
Cowboy: What an asshole.

Ellen: I honestly don't think we're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus Christ, it's only the biggest goddamn hole in the world!!!
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.

Clark: [Delivering the eulogy for Aunt Edna] O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her a break.
Ellen: Clark...
Clark:[ignoring her] Baruuuuuuch Ataaaaaaah Aluuuuuuuyah...
Ellen: Clark, this is a serious matter, I'll do it myself!
Clark: Honey, I'm not an ordained minister; I'm doing my best.
Ellen: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart.
Audrey: Let's not overdo it, mom.
Ellen: SHUT UP! Lord, we loved this woman with all our hearts. But my husband wants to go to Wally World. May God have mercy on his soul. Amen.
Ellen: Ugh! I hope at least you kids have learned something from this.
Audrey: Yeah! Don't die unless someone's home!

Clark: Y'know what I think??? I think you're all fucked in the head! We're ten hours from the fuckin' fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something, this is no longer a's a quest. It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fuckin' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes!!! HAHAHA!!! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!!!
Rusty: [touching Clark's shoulder] Dad you want an aspirin or something?
Clark: Don't TOUCH!

Clark: Okay. What do I owe you?
Assistant Mechanic: Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid as you drivin' off that road. You musta got manure for your brains.
Clark: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town. What's the bill?
[Mechanic and assistant snicker to each other]
Clark: Come on, come on, come on. How much?
Mechanic: How much you got?
Clark: No, no, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
Mechanic: [threateningly] And I'm asking you how much you got.
Clark: You're out of your mind. Look, I don't have time to play around, okay? So how much is it?
Mechanic: [picks up a heavy wrench] All of it, boy.
Clark: What does your sheriff think of your business practices?
[Mechanic and assistant laugh; mechanic flashes a sheriff's badge]


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