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Ed, Edd, n Eddy (season 2)

season of television series

The following is a list of quotes from the second season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, EdEdit

[Eddy crawls on his fingers down the hall]
Eddy: Eddy, you're the man with the scam. You're the big... [He realizes too late that he's reached the stairs] Uh...
[Eddy goes tumbling down the stairs. Outside, Ed is talking to Nazz]
Ed: So if I join you at the party, can I be a tarantula? Or maybe a salamander?
Eddy: Party? Wait! [He tries to get out of the bucket] Hey! I'm stuck! Ed! [He falls onto his side] Don't forget Cockroach Eddy!
Ed: Okay I give up! It's no fun being the last human! So can I be a bumblebee?
[Ed and Edd try to pull Eddy out of the bucket he folded himself into]
Rolf: Are they from this planet?
Kevin: No. They're from the Land of the Dorks.

Ready, Set... Ed!Edit

[The Eds' rocket car has taken a hairy ride down an obstacle course, leaving the Ed's in pain]
Ed: I think I swallowed a turtle.
Eddy: What country are we in?
Edd: We're home, Eddy. And we've broken everything but a record.
Ed: Can I wear a dress again? Haha!
[Ed crams the kids inside the rocket car with a broom]
Ed: Room for one more!
Kevin: Touch me with that broom and I'll tear off your eyebrow.

1 + 1 = EdEdit

Eddy: Ed! What are you doing in my bed?
Ed: I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking; how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?
Eddy: (forcing a smile) Ed? (Ed makes an inquisitive noise) GET OUT OF MY ROOM! (He boots Ed out of bed, then settles back down)
Ed: Ow! My buttocks hurt. (Ed's attention is drawn to the lava lamp) Why does goo float?"
Eddy: (irritated) HIT THE ROAD! (There's a crunching noise. Ed has eaten the lava lamp) Wha? MY LAMP!!!"
Ed: (picking Eddy up by his foot) Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?
Ed: Eddy, when you close the fridge door, does the little light stay on?
Eddy: (curled up in a kitchen drawer and completely exhausted): GO HOME!!
Ed: (ignoring Eddy and continuing to play with the refrigerator door): Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light...
Ed: Eddy! Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?
Eddy: You're gonna strain your peanut brain! Think of something more important! Like...'How to get your face on a dollar bill.'
Ed: Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?
Eddy: [processing on Ed's question] Uh, Double D up yet?
(Eddy sneaks up behind Edd while he's dismantling a radio)
Eddy: HEY DOUBLE D!
(Edd squeals and leaps into Ed's arms)
Edd: Eddy, you know I hate that! (notices Ed) Oh, hello, Ed.
Eddy: (pulling out a bra from an old dresser) Woo hoo! PG-13!
Ed: That's my mom's, Eddy.
(Eddy gags in disgust and drops the bra)
Eddy: A three-headed Rolf. Yawn.
Jimmy: Jumping Jehosaphat, who turned out the sun?!

Knock, Knock, Who's Ed?Edit

Know It All EdEdit

Eddy: What we have here....is a squirt gun!
Edd: Please. A 'squirt gun'?
Eddy: Yeah! A- A Canadian squirt gun!
Ed: Canadians are weird!
Ed: Plank reminds me of fresh-cut Spring flowers, spewing across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon!

Dear EdEdit

Jonny: Stop it, Salty! He's mad, I tell you, MAD!! Oh my...
Rolf: I was born to be wild, but the cage was too small.

Hands Across EdEdit

Rolf: Hallo. I will be performing my country's traditional Dance of the Hairless Otter-
Eddy: Next! No budget for subtitles....

Floss Yer EdEdit

Ed: [holding two coconuts] Can I shave them?
Edd: Ed, you don't shave coconuts, you eat them.
Ed: Like report cards?

In Like EdEdit

Ed: Um, Double D? [holds up coat hanger] What's this do?
Edd: That's just a coat hanger, Ed.
Ed: Oh. Mum's the word.
Eddy: Nice little soiree, huh, Rolfy-boy?
Rolf: You have an invitation, overdressed Ed-boy?
Eddy: [conspiritorially] The crow caws at midnight.
Rolf: And the cat sours the basil! Rolf would love to talk politics but I must see your invitation!
Eddy: No problem, stretch... Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip?!
Rolf: Nana...?
Ed: Oh, cool! This reminds me of the movie, "Zombies From The Deep Freeze"! A cash cow. This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice cube trays, and frozen and used to cool their drinks.
Edd: Non-alcoholic, I hope.

Who Let The Ed In?Edit

[The kids have spotted Eddy's fake prize-grabbing machine].
Jimmy: Did it fall off a truck?
Sarah: That's how my brother was born!
Kevin: Prize grabbers are cool.
Eddy: Whoa; that was fast.
[Ed is holding gift boxes that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.]
Ed: Jib made you presents!
Kids: Presents?
Eddy: I hate Jib!

Rambling EdEdit

Eddy: [to Ed, about Sarah] If she told you to go jump in a lake with a rock tied to your head, and wait for naked photos of you to be developed, so she can hand them out to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, would you?
Ed: I had socks on, Eddy.
Ed: My place is the cat's tuxedo. [pets the cow] Right, poochie? [the cow bellows]
(Rolf tries to seek refuge in his room, but Edd and Eddy have commandeered his bed)
Eddy: Turn out that light!!
Rolf: Ah, yes! Sorry, Ed-boy!

Homecooked EdsEdit

Ed: One plus one equals one on a bun!
Kevin: What's a trailer doing on my--TRAILER?!
Eddy: Why don't you Kankers get lost!
Ed: And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!
Kankers: Lovey-dovey!
Eddy: Ed, you dolt!

To Sir With EdEdit

Key To My EdEdit

Edd: [bent out of shape after being punted by Eddy, to Rolf] "...before total social abandonment."
Rolf: You need to eat more fiber, head-in-sock Ed boy!
Ed: [singing] You're too fat for me! I'm too fat for you!
Ed: Clammy!

Honor Thy EdEdit

Eddy: [notices a spider on the doorknob] Hit the road! [Plucks the spider off the doorknob and the doorknob fell off. The Eds watch the doorknob as it rolls across the floor, then it falls down into a hole with a crash]
Edd: [with woe] Tell me that didn't happen!
Ed: It didn't happen!

Scrambled EdEdit

Edd: [repeated line] Sleepy, sleepy sleepy...
Ed: [takes out a bottle of mustard from his jacket and squeezes it, and a pencil pops up] Alley oop! [hands it to Edd] Here's your mustard, Double D.
Eddy: He asked for a pen!
Ed: He asked for mustard. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?
Ed: SUPPLIES!
[Sarah and Jimmy enter Sarah's room]
Jimmy: After you, doctor.
Sarah: Thank you, Nurse.
[The two catch sight of Edd slumbering on Sarah's bed]
Jimmy: AAAAHHH!
[Sarah rushes over to Edd and points to the door]
Sarah: DOUBLE D, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
Edd: (drowsy) I'm azleepy sleepy sleepy...
[His voice trails off and he falls asleep again]
Jimmy: Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?
Sarah: I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead!
[Sarah shakes Edd roughly. Edd rolls over onto his back and sighs contentedly. Jimmy yelps]
Sarah: He's worser than I thought! Let's operate!

Urban EdEdit

Ed: Let's drive to the city, fellas!
Edd: We're too young to drive, Ed.
Ed: My dad has a shovel.
Eddy: If we can't get to the city, then let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac!
Edd: I suppose I'd better find some tape.....
Ed: Not to mention a duck!
Eddy: Pigeons don't go 'oink', Ed!
Ed: I'm a gazelle! Oink!

Stop, Look, and EdEdit

[Ed is smacking his face against some mud]
Ed: I'm a woodpecker. [continues to smack his face into the mud] Except with dirt.
Eddy: (out of the grass) Let's find some more signs! (runs off)
Eddy: Hey, Rolf! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Rolf: Who is this Jack? I know no Jack!
Edd: Don't listen to him, Rolf! Eddy only wishes to eviscerate social order as we know it! [turns to see Ed riding Rolf's pig Wilfred down the sidewalk]
Ed: Ed on a pig!
Edd: Ed, you can't do that!
Edd': You've broken me, Eddy.
Eddy: Hmm?
Edd: Set me free and I'll join you in destroying everything that separates us from the primates.
Eddy: Now we're making progress!
Ed: [holding Edd's ant farm] Yum! Like cheese?
Edd: No, Ed. Progress, not... [He sees what Ed is holding] ... Process! [He flails helplessly] Put them down, Ed! You leave my ants alone! [Ed drops the ant farm. Edd gasps and wraps his legs around Ed's neck] FIVE THOUSAND, TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY-NINE ANTS, ED! [He strangles Ed with his legs] PICK THEM UP! PICK THEM UP!

Rent-a-EdEdit

[Jonny's house is destroyed after Ed broke a support beam]
Kevin: You guys are in so much trouble!
Eddy: Tell me about it, I lost my money.
Edd: Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home.
Eddy: Yeah, right. They'll never catch....THE FLYING EDUARDO BROTHERS!
Edd: You're still wearing that thing...?

Shoo EdEdit

[The Eds are in a shed, attempting to make Jonny the most annoying person in the cul-de-sac. Ed laughs as he pulls down a bed reminiscent of Frankenstein. Edd and Eddy look at Jonny, who's wearing a suit]
Edd: A suit, annoying? I spent two hours counter-balancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?
Eddy: What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of.
Edd: My father wears a suit!
Eddy: Exactly.
[Ed squirts some glue under Jonny's sandal, then he sticks a block of wood under it]
Ed: I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot.
Edd: Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains?! And why the suit?! Why Jonny?!
[A long pause]
Eddy: [to Jonny] Jonny. People really like it when you say "WHY" ALL THE TIME!
Jonny: They do?! "Why?!" "Why?!" "Why?!"
Ed: And people really like it when you poke 'em on the head. [poking Eddy's head]
Eddy: Cut it out, Ed!
Ed: See? Eddy likes it.

Ed In A HalfshellEdit

Sarah: [sweetly] Oh, Ed!
Ed: [shakily] Uh, yes, old obnoxious little sister of mine?!
Sarah: [takes out Ed's model rocket] See what I got?
Ed: THAT IS MY 1/30 SEC. SCALE ORBITAL PLANET RETRACKER NO. 2 MODEL ROCKET!!
Sarah: Take care of Jimmy, or I'll pulverize your stupid model!
Ed: Have mercy, depraved sibling! I will take care of Jimmy. Honest.
Sarah: Good.

Mirror, Mirror, on the EdEdit

Ed: Okay. I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" through a car wash. [Edd and Eddy look at Ed, flummoxed]
Edd: Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please.
Ed: [after a long pause] Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D.
Edd: Eddy act like me? Why, that's–
Eddy: Stupid, Ed! You blew your chance to–
Edd: Y'know, Eddy. It could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me.
Eddy: Let's see, where do I start? [proceeds to mimic Double D] "The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat."
Ed: Good Double D, Eddy. [Double D chuckles]
Eddy: [pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch] "Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain." [pretends to concentrate]
Edd: [sarcastic] Ha, ha, ha. Very good, Eddy. [spins the bottle] Can we resume playing? [The bottle settles on him.] Oh dear.
Eddy: Ha! I dare ya to be Ed! Go on, flatter him.
Edd: Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy.
Ed: I can do Eddy, I practiced. [pushes his eyes together and starts speaking in a loud, raspy voice] "Can it, Double Dweeb!"
Eddy: Whaddya mean you practiced?
Ed: "Shut up, Sockhead!"
Eddy: Please, 'Eddy'. You're invading my personal space! [pushes Ed away. The Eds laugh hysterically]
Eddy: Well...?
Ed: Do me, Double D!
Eddy: We're waiting.
Edd: Very well. Uh, let's see now. [turns around and manipulates his face. When he faces his friends again, his eyes are spread out across his face] "Buttered toast." [The Eds laugh again.]
Rolf: Hurry, as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy.
Ed(dy): Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken! [hugging it] Pet the chicken, pet the chicken… [sees Ed(d)] The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it. Stupid.
Edd(y): Excuse me, 'Eddy'. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals.
Ed(d): I love chickens, Eddy.
[The Eds laugh heartily. Rolf, who is stomping the raspberries, glares at them.]
Rolf: Ed-boy!
Ed: [poking Edd] Wake up, Monobrow.
Edd: Oh right. Yes. Ahem. [turning around to face Rolf] I am Ed.
Rolf: [hassled] You are not Ed-boy! I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash! Thank you.
Edd(y): Rolf said, "thank you"! Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?
Ed(dy): Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan. [pulls Edd(y)'s sock over him and walks behind Ed(d)] Hey, burnhead. I will now inflict pain on you.
Edd: What? [Ed swings Eddy, knocking Edd into the raspberry silo.] Buttered toast?
Rolf: No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst!
Eddy: Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct.
Edd: [calling from the muck] "Parched"! The word you're looking for is "parched"!
Ed(dy): Yeah, right, Lumpy! Parched is a fish! [laughs]
Edd(y): Intriguing.
Rolf: You are not Ed. [ranting] You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!
[Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container.]
Ed: You know what they say, Double D. [shoves Edd(y)'s mouth to an opened pipe on the side.] "If you're thirsty, take a drink." [Edd(y) chugs it down and swells up.] Gee, Double D. You really let yourself go. [jumps on Eddy and spits the pipe out] Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D.
Edd: [popping out of Eddy's sock] You really think I'm a genius?
Eddy: Hey, I'm Double D! I'm the genius! [A red-tinted Rolf opens Edd(y)'s mouth and climbs out.]
Ed(dy): I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy! [laughs]
[The 'Eds' laugh.]
Rolf: Rolf has never been so confused.
Edd: What in heaven's name is this? A ladle? Oh, my. IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY!!!!!

Hot Buttered EdEdit

Edd: [about to make a shadow puppet] Did you know shadow puppetry was one of the oldest forms of entertainment? [made a shadow puppet of a skeleton]
Ed: Like walnuts?
Ed: The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D.

High Heeled EdEdit

Eddy: We need to find our more sensitive side.
Ed: I found my sensitive side, coz it has a rash.
Edd: Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed.
Ed: Spending extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing.
Eddy: What's with you?!
Edd: Ed's trouser-less state seems to have jogged an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain.
Eddy: Ed? Is that you?
Ed: ......HUG ME!
Eddy: Well, that didn't last long!
Ed: HUG!
Eddy: Ed!!!!

Fa-La-La-La-EdEdit

[Ed exposes the scam to the kids]
Edd [tearful]: Oh, I'm so ashamed... [breaks down, whilst Ed comforts him]
Ed: There, there, Double D. Santa forgives.
Eds: [singing at Rolf's front door] We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas– [Rolf opens the door wearing festive native clothing. Confused, Eddy and Double D stop singing, while Ed continues]
Ed: [singing] ...We wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash! [Wilfred oinks]
Rolf: No cash. A fine strip of bacon, yes? [puts a strip of bacon into the Eds' cash jar]

Cry EdEdit

Eddy: It was horrible!
Ed: [Dramatically] Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a bloodcurdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling grasp!
Edd: [Rolling his eyes] Please!
Rolf: Rolf has seen this meatball! It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!
Edd: Ed?! What in Heaven's name were you thinking?!
Ed: Absolutely nothing, Double-Dee.

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