Birds of a Feather
British television series
(Redirected from Birds of a feather)
Birds of a Feather (1989-98, 2014-20) is a British sitcom, that aired on BBC One, about two sisters who are left to fend for themselves after their husbands are arrested for armed robbery.
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Series One edit
Nicked [1.1] edit
- Sharon: Oh see you've tidied up then.
- Chris: I've been waiting for my trousers, took your bloody time didn't ya?
- Sharon: Oh I could hardly drag meself away, it was so romantic watching your jeans wrapping themselves around my knickers, it took me right back to when a quick tumble meant more than 20ps worth of hot air.
- Chris: Hot air? you can talk about hot air...next time Richard Branson feels like crossing the Atlantic in that giant virgin jolly of his...he can come round here, you can talk him up...right do you want a lift to your sisters or are you going to stay here nagging the wall paper off the walls.
- Sharon: Hang on hang on I'll just do me face.
- Chris: I can't wait that long...my tax disk expires at Christmas.
- Sharon: There was 30 quid in here when I went up the launderette.
- Chris: No some thieving twerp must have had that away whilst you were adding the fabric conditioner.
- Sharon: I didn't take my purse up to the launderette you lying merchant...look that's my shopping money I worked bloody hard for that you thieving ponse...do you know how many customers I had to short change to scrape that 30 quid together...gunna put it on one of your 3 legged horses was ya?
- Chris: What I do with my money is down to me.
- Sharon: Your money? You parasite...you're supposed to be the bread winner here...instead you're nicking the crumbs off my plate...what sort of husband are you?
- Chris: Don't start all that least I didn't marry you under false pretenses.
- Sharon: Meaning what?
- Chris: You know.
- Sharon: Say it.
- Chris: What's the point?
- Sharon: GO ON SAY IT!
- Chris: Alright...if i knew you couldn't have kids...
- Sharon: Oooh you bastard [elbows him in the stomach]
- Chris: [holds his stomach] You told me ta say it....you're bloody mental. [leaves the room]
- Sharon: HANG ON WHAT ABOUT ME LIFT!
Just Visiting [1.2] edit
- Dorien: Look, I know I've got a mouth on me.
- Tracey: Like a whale.
- Sharon: Sperm whale.
- Dorien: I've got a heart of gold, ask anyone.
- Tracey: She got a heart of gold, Shal?
- Sharon: That's the buzz on the street, Trace.
- [Dorien cuts through the stems]
- Dorien: And honestly, I just want to be friends.
- [Dorien puts the flowers in the vase, only the flowers are visible at the top of the vase.]
Shift [1.3] edit
Women's Troubles [1.4] edit
Cheat! [1.5] edit
Substitute [1.6] edit
Sailing [1.7] edit
Series Two edit
Getting a Grip [2.1] edit
Sweet Smell of Success [2.2] edit
Young Guns [2.3] edit
Muesli [2.4] edit
Keep Off the Grass [2.5] edit
Mice [2.6] edit
Brief Encounter [2.7] edit
You Pays Yer Money [2.8] edit
Trust [2.9] edit
Thirty Something [2.10] edit
Love on the Run [2.11] edit
Old Friends [2.12] edit
Parting [2.13] edit
Jobs for the Girls [2.14] edit
Someone Else's Baby [2.15] edit
Falling in Love Again [2.16] edit
Series Three edit
Keeping Up Appearances [3.1] edit
Tinker, Tailor [3.2] edit
Baby Come Back [3.3] edit
Just Family [3.4] edit
Confidence [3.5] edit
The Lost Weekend [3.6] edit
History [3.7] edit
Poetic Justice [3.8] edit
Favour of the Month [3.9] edit
Cuckoo [3.10] edit
Schooling [3.11] edit
Business [3.12] edit
We'll Always Have Majorca [3.13] edit
Series Four edit
Breadwinner [4.1] edit
Food for Thought [4.2] edit
Commitments [4.3] edit
Wipe That Smile off Your Tape [4.4] edit
Caring [4.5] edit
Nine and a Half Days [4.6] edit
Belongings [4.7] edit
Hungry for Love [4.8] edit
- Dorien [dressed in a leotard]: Coo-ee!!
- Sharon: It's an OAP from Fame.
- Dorien: He doesn't seem interested. I don't understand it!
- Sharon: Perhaps you're being too subtle.
- Dorien: I hardly think so. When he came round this morning, I opened the door in my underwear.
- Sharon: I didn't know you had a door in your underwear! What is it - a tradesmen's entrance?
- Dorien: It isn't funny.
- Sharon: It is.
- Dorien: There I was, standing in front of him, half naked.
- Sharon: What happened?
- Dorien: Nothing, he took one look at my body and said he'd come back when I've finished the ironing.
- Dorien: He just doesn't know what he's missing, a woman of my experience can show him things he'd never seen before.
- Sharon: Yeah, but perhaps he's not turned on by liver spots and stretch marks.
- Dorien: Well, I'm not beaten yet, I'll have that Bret Warner's amazing technicolor jockstrap hanging off the end of my four poster if I have to prise it off with a crowbar.
Time and Tides [4.9] edit
Sisters Are Doing It [4.10] edit
The Front [4.11] edit
Okey-Cokey-Karaoke [4.12] edit
Loyalty [4.13] edit
The Chigwell Connection [4.14] edit
Series Five edit
High Fidelity [5.1] edit
Bang [5.2] edit
Non-Starter [5.3] edit
Absent Friends [5.4] edit
Suspicious Minds [5.5] edit
Dead Loss [5.6] edit
A Brush with the Law [5.7] edit
Mind Over Matter [5.8] edit
East Side Story [5.9] edit
- Tracey: Calm down, we ain't in San Antonio now.
- Sharon: Brilliant night, though, weren't it?
- Tracey: Yeah! Here, where are the kids?
- Dorien: The sun's coming back up, Rosa's obviously has gone back to her coffin. I'd better go, we really must do this again sometime.
- Sharon: Great! When?
- Dorien: How about when hell freezes over? Ciao!
- [Knocking]
- Sharon: What was that?
- Tracey: It was out the back by the pool.
- Dorien: Oh my god, burglars, call the police.
- Sharon: We can't.
- Dorien: Why not?
- Sharon: The filter unit was on police five last week.
- Tracey: Let's go and have a look. Give me that bottle.
- [Sharon, Tracey and Dorien creep towards the door and find Garth and Rosa in the Jacuzzi]
- Tracey: GARTH!
- Garth: [stands up] Mum!
- [Rosa laughs]
- Dorien: Heavens, hasn't it grown?
Find the Lady [5.10] edit
An Inspector Stays [5.11] edit
All Gone Pear Shaped [5.12] edit
The Beautiful Game [5.13] edit
- [Sharon, Tracey and Dorien are playing Monopoly]
- Sharon: Your go, Trace.
- [Tracey rolls the dice]
- Tracey: Four.
- Sharon: Which means you've landed on... Dorien's Boobs!
- [Dorien and Tracey look perplexed]
- Sharon: Otherwise known as the Community Chest.
- Dorien: Yes, thank you Sharon, at least I don't have to buy my bras from High & Mighty.
- Tracey: Go to jail?
- Sharon: Well, that's handy, if you see Chris give him a kick up the cobbler for me, will you?
- [Sharon rolls the dice]
- Sharon: Nine. Which means I'm on...
- Dorien: Park Lane, which happens to be owned by moi, and look, I've got a hotel on it.
- Sharon: Knocking shop, more like.
It Happened in Hollywood [5.14] edit
Series Six edit
Not in My Backyard [6.1] edit
Mrs Robinson [6.2] edit
First Time Caller [6.3] edit
Compulsion [6.4] edit
All Day and All of the Night [6.5] edit
Appreciation Society [6.6] edit
Moving [6.7] edit
Out [6.8] edit
In At the Deep End [6.9] edit
Business Is Business [6.10] edit
Puppy Love [6.11] edit
Still Waters Run Deep [6.12] edit
On the Glass [6.13] edit
Christmas in Dreamland [6.14] edit
The Chigwell Years [6.15] edit
Series Seven edit
Stand By Your Man [7.1] edit
Nearest and Dearest [7.2] edit
Cheers [7.3] edit
Relative Strangers [7.4] edit
Porridge [7.5] edit
Rising Damp [7.6] edit
Three Up, Two Down [7.7] edit
Are You Being Served? [7.8] edit
Never the Twain [7.9] edit
Three's Company [7.10] edit
Series Eight edit
Reservoir Birds [8.1] edit
Trouble and Strife [8.2] edit
The Essex Patient [8.3] edit
Maids of Ongar [8.4] edit
Baggage [8.5] edit
Can't Judge a Book [8.6] edit
Money [8.7] edit
Series Nine edit
Ghost [9.1] edit
Mummies And Daddies [9.2] edit
Sunday [9.3] edit
Model [9.4] edit
Nuptials [9.5] edit
Holy Ground [9.6] edit
Cast edit
- Pauline Quirke - Sharon Theodopolopodos
- Linda Robson - Tracey Stubbs
- Lesley Joseph - Dorien Green
- David Cardy - Chris Theodopolopodos
- Peter Polycarpou - Chris Theodopolopodos
- Alun Lewis - Darryl Stubbs
- Doug McFerran - Darryl Stubbs
- Simon Nash - Garth Stubbs
- Matthew Savage - Garth Stubbs
- Stephen Greif - Marcus Green
- Nickolas Grace - Marcus Green