Dispatcher (in an official-sounding monotone): Any units in the vicinity of Hollywood and Vine, 504 in progress. Car 13, see the man at Doheny and Sunset. Use caution. Pursuit of robbery suspect in progress. Suspect proceeding on Sunset. Chase in progress. All units, use caution. Officer in trouble, man down, Code 3. Car 2 and 6, join the pursuit. Suspect may be armed and dangerous. Disabled vehicle on Fountain, need officer assistance to handle traffic. 504 in progress. All units proceed to Elm and Main. Code 3.
Car 2: Dispatch, this is Car 2 in hot pursuit of sedan. Request assistance.
Dispatcher: What is your location, Car 2?
Car 2: Now proceeding south on Castle at Spring.
Dispatcher: All units in the vicinity of Castle and Spring, be on the lookout for pursuit. Robbery in progress at Lincoln Savings on Wilshire. Code 3. Car 5 and Car 9 assist in chase. (suddenly cheerful, breaking character) Pretty good playing! (back to monotone)
Car 2 (excited): This is Car 2! The Thief has doubled back and he's coming at us!
Dispatcher (agitated): Car 6, look out! Officer in trouble at Castle and Panway! All units assist! (normal monotone) Calling all cars, calling all cars, jewel robbery in progress at Doheny and Braxton. The Thief has struck again. 504 in progress, use caution.
Car 8: Dispatch, this is Car 8. I've spotted the Thief headed north on Washington. I'm in pursuit.
Dispatcher: Be careful, Car 8. The Thief is extremely dangerous. All units in vicinity of Washington and Lincoln, be on the lookout for the Thief.
Car 1: Dispatch, this is Car 1. I see the suspect turning into Delavan Drive. Request backup. (his voice breaks on the word "backup")
Dispatcher: 10-4, Car 1. All cars, assist Car 1. Code 3.
Car 1: Dispatch, dispatch! I can't believe it! The Thief has turned around and he's trying to run us off the road! He's coming at you, Car 8!
Dispatcher: We have a multiple car accident on Delavan. Officer down. Code 3. You must stop the Thief!
Car 1: We've lost him!
Dispatcher: All cars be on the lookout for the Thief driving a late-model sedan. The Thief is an experienced driver, so be alert out there! (mockingly, breaking character) Can you play any better than that? (back to monotone) Robbery in progress. It's the coin shop on Pico. The Thief is at it again. This time he must be stopped! All units in Pico vicinity be on the lookout for the Thief. He's extremely dangerous so wait for backup. Has anyone made contact?
Car 1: Car 1, negative.
Car 4: Car 4, negative.
Car 7: Dispatch, dispatch, this is Car 7. I've got 'im! He's heading east on Olympic! He must be doing over 90!
Dispatcher: Car 7, Car 7, wait for backup. Keep your distance. We can't risk losing anyone else. Any units near Olympic and Fairfax please check in.
Car 22: Car 22, roger.
Car 51: Car 51, roger.
Car 69 (extremely fey voice): Car 69, roger!
Dispatcher: Car 22, 51, and 69, assist Car 7. Use extreme caution. The Thief is a slippery sucker.
Car 22: Car 22, I see 'im.
Car 51 (hesitantly): Car 51, I... got 'im, too.
Car 69 (still extremely fey): Roger, sixty-ni-en!
Dispatcher: Okay, try to close him off the side streets. It's too risky for pedestrians.
Car 69 (excitedly): Roger. Dispatch! Dispatch! The Thief has jackknifed on Olympic, and now he's coming at us!
Dispatcher (exasperated): Get out of the way! (sarcastic, breaking character) Oh, nice playing, Dog Drool.
Car 69: There's no place to go!
Dispatcher: Look out, 69! Look out! All units, he's done it to us again. Cars 69 and 51 are down. Officers need assistance. Crowd and traffic control needed on Olympic accident site. Car 2, proceed to that location.
Car 2: 10-4, dispatch.
Dispatcher: Okay, men, he's still out there. Let's be on the lookout. We can't let him out of the city. Car 6, there's a disturbance at 521 Olive. See the man.
Car 6: Roger, dispatch.
Dispatcher: Pedestrian vehicle accident at Sunset and Wilcox. Any unit in the vicinity please advise.
Car 10 (lazy southern accent): Dispatch, this is Car 10, we're on our way.
Dispatcher: Calling all cars, calling all cars. I think we've got him now. The Thief has just stolen the safe from the police station. We'll surround. All units back to base.
Car 6 (?): Roger, dispatch.
Dispatcher: All units, Thief is only two blocks from station. Close in. Everyone stay in tight. Don't let the Thief get around you.
Car 11 (obvious Cary Grant imitation): Dispatch, this is Car 11. The Thief is making a break down Adams. Somebody close him off.
Dispatcher: Car 21 has him blocked. The Thief has now turned up Grey. Somebody head him off! (mockingly, breaking character) Why don't you try marbles?
Car 40 (arrogantly): Car 40, we got 'im, and we're goin' in!
Dispatcher (urgently): Car 40, wait for backup!
Car 40 (arrogantly): Dispatch, we don't copy!
Dispatcher: Car 40! Car 40! Come in! The Thief has turned around! All units, look out. He's driving against traffic. Look out, Car 40! Look out! The Thief has sideswiped Car 40. All units converge on the scene. We've got to regroup. Men, this is a serious problem. One Thief is eluding the entire force! We must stop this Thief!
The Thief: Why not take up a collection and send him to Cleveland?
Dispatcher: Who said that who said that? Oh, no! He's done it again! Calling all cars, calling all cars. The Thief has just knocked over the bank on 42nd Avenue. All units proceed to the scene. Be careful.
Car 5: Dispatch, this is Car 5. I'm in contact with the Thief. He's heading west on Franklin.
Dispatcher: Good work, 5. All units in the vicinity, pick up the pursuit. He won't get away this time.
Car 10: Car 10 to dispatch, the Thief has just turned up LaBrea.
Dispatcher: Roger 10. Attention all units, proceed to LaBrea area. Use extreme caution. We'll try to corner the Thief. Everyone break off and cover the side streets. <mockingly, breaking character> El.... Stinko!
Car 10: A-roger, dispatch.
Car 26 (obvious Jimmy Durante impression): Dispatch, this is Car 26. The Thief has made a u-turn. Now he's coming at us! We need back-up!
Dispatcher: Look out, 26, he's going to hit you broadside! All units, the Thief has escaped again. Calling all cars, robbery in progress on bank at Elm and Main. Code 3.