The Ren & Stimpy Show

The Ren & Stimpy Show is an American animated television series created by John Kricfalusi for Nickelodeon. The series follows the adventures of titular characters Ren, an emotionally unstable chihuahua, and Stimpy, a good-natured, dimwitted cat.

Season 1

Episode 1

The Big Shot!

Muddy Mudskipper: (chasing Stimpy) Get yer hand outta dat pic-a-nic basket, you dusty old cat! Pssst, hey kid, say yer line!
Stimpy: O-oh yeah! Jaaaane, stop this crazy thing! Well, blow me down! I'm huntin' for a wabbit! I hate meeces to pieces!

---

Muddy Mudskipper: Hey kid, you did all right! [He gives Stimpy an "O.K" hand gesture] Ya lousy bum. [Stimpy sits on a stool looking depressed] Well, what's the matter? [Stimpy whimpers] Hey kid, I don't get it. You got it made! You got forty-seven million dollars. You got my TV contract. What more could you possibly want?

Stimpy: I WANT REN!!!! [cries] MY FROWND! MY BEST FRIEND!! HE NEVER STOPPED LOVING ME, EVEN WITH THE DUMB THINGS I DO!!! OH, REN! MY PRECIOUS PAL! I'LL NEVER YELL AT YOU AGAIN!!!!

Episode 6

Stimpy's Invention

[Ren is trying out Stimpy's Stay-Put Socks]

Ren: Why, it's amazing! How do they work?

Stimpy: They're full of glue. [glue oozes out of the top of the socks; Ren starts to lose it] I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here. I'll get the Stay-Put hat and raincoat.

Ren: You filthy swine! I will kill you!

---

[after the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song]

Stimpy: Ren. You're... you're angry?

Ren: YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN' I'M ANGRY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! [suddenly happy] Hey! I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy.

Stimpy: [confused] Happy to be of service?

[Ren stares at Stimpy with a wild look in his eye, while his laughter echoes across the room]

Season 2

Sven Höek [Episode 2]

Svën: I'm looking for you now. I'm finding you.

Stimpy: I'm hiding in the closet...like an idiot.

---

[Ren returns home from work on a rainy day. He is shocked when he see's the house is a mess]

Ren: [angrily] I knew it! Cat dirt... everywhere! [starts to get more angry, but suddenly calms down] Well, at least I'm home. I can continue my intellectual pursuits!

[A mellow Ren walks away, but then stops and is appalled at the sight of his opera records stuck to the wall]

Ren: My opera records! COVERED IN BUBBLE GUM! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! [sniffles a little, then turns around and notices several germs exiting open jars and squirming down the drain] My collection of rare, incurable diseases! Violated! NOOO-OOO-OOOOO! [then see's his dinosaur droppings colored like easter eggs] My dinosaur droppings! Painted... like EASTER EGGS!

[Stimpy and Svën cease playing when they hear Ren's outburst]

Ren: AAAHHHH!!!!!!! You... EEDIOTS!!! [Ren angrily stomps toward Stimpy and Svën, who back away several times until they hit a wall] YOOOOOUU... BOTH OF YOU!!! [He starts shaking angrily, but then transitions to a kind of sadistic calmness] Oh, what I'm gonna do to you. [He starts shaking his fists, thinking of ways to hurt Stimpy and Svën, who are cowering together; slowly] I'm so angry! First... I'm gonna tear your lips out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. And then, I'm gonna... gouge your eyes out! Yeah... that's what I'm gonna do.

Stimpy: We don't like this, Ren!

Svën: Ja, you scary us!

Ren: Yeah. You're scared, huh? Next, I'm gonna... [mimes ripping their arms out and the dislocated arm dangling] TEAR your arms out of the sockets! [Stimpy and Svën whimper while rubbing their arms] And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya, and you're gonna fall... and I'm gonna look down... and I'm gonna laugh. [Stimpy and Sven both cry] But first... [Stimpy and Svën gasp] FIRST... [suddenly calm] I gotta take a whiz! Don't you go anywhere. [Points to the ground they're standing on] You stay right here... Right on this spot... I'll be back! [Ren stomps away, and over the "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence game before turing around and noticing it] What's this stupid thing?!

Stimpy: [cheerfully] It's a game, Ren!

Svën: Ja, it's really fun!

[Ren takes a look at the game, then turns to Stimpy and Svën, then smiles evilly, coming up with an idea]

Ren: Oh, ya like this game?

Stimpy: Oh yeah, Ren!

Svën: We love it!

Ren: Oh, ya like the game, huh? Do you really like it?

Stimpy and Svën: It's our favorite game in the whole world!

Ren: Oh, ya like the game, huh? Then how do you like this?!

[Ren produces a fly on his crotch and unzips it. Stimpy and Svën only look in horror as Ren whizzes all over the game. Ren looks at Stimpy and Svën giggling manically. Then the whole house explodes, sending the trio to Hell. The Devil appears.]

The Devil: So, you whizzed on the electric fence, did ya?

Commercial Jingle: Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!

Episode 7

Out West

Stimpy: Hey Ren, he reminds me of your uncle Eddie.

Ren: Why's that?

Stimpy: 'Cause he's big and stinky!

Ren: [slaps him] Hey! You shouldn't say mean things like that. Did you ever consider that this horse might have feelings?

Stimpy's Fan Club [Episode 8]

Johnny: Dear Stimpy, I have a... secret. I know I can tell you, because you are nice, and would not tell anybody. I'm afraid to tell my friends, because they'll laugh.

Ren: Aww...

Johnny: I know you would never laugh at me.

Ren: Uh-uh!

Johnny: So... here's my secret. Every night... I wet the bed.

[Ren is aghast.]

Johnny: I can't help it! Please tell me what to do. Your friend, Johnny.

[Ren thinks for a while, then starts writing a response.]

Ren: Dear Johnny... You make me SICK!!! You probably wet the bed on purpose! I have written letters to everybody at your school warning them never to sleep over with you. Your friend...

Stimpy: [shocked] REN!!!

A Visit to Anthony [Episode 10]

Anthony's dad: [to Ren and Stimpy] Let's get something straight here. I don't like you. I don't like cartoons. You're here for one reason. My son, Anthony, likes you, and as long as you're good to my boy, you can stay. But if you do anything... to destroy his beliefs, or harm him... in any way... [gets choked up] so help me... [crying] Excuse me. Don't you even put that picture in my head. Do we understand each other?

Ren and Stimpy: [in unison] We understand, very well.

---

[Victor has knocked Anthony unconscious and Ren is trying to wake him up. Just then, Anthony's dad comes outside and sees what is happening; he mistakes Ren's attempts to save his son as an attack.]

Anthony's dad: [devastated] No... No...!

Ren: [desperate] Snap out of it, I tell you!

Anthony's dad: [approaches Ren] Get off. Get off my son.

[Ren complies.]

Anthony's dad: [crying] Oh... Oh, Anthony... My beloved child.

[Anthony's dad picks Anthony up and starts praying to God.]

Anthony's dad: I know I've strayed from Your path. And, maybe I don't go to church often enough. But, You know I'm a good man. I don't ask for much. But I'm asking... for this one thing. Please... don't take my boy from me. Give him a couple more good weeks.

Ren: [crying] I didn't do it, man!

Anthony's dad: [angrily] Alright, you two. You march into the house. Meet me in the DEN.

---

[Anthony's dad is confronting Ren and Stimpy in the den.]

Anthony's dad: Oh... You guys are big shots. [chuckles] Big shots from Hollywood. Is that what makes you feel big? Huh?! Pushing little boys around? Ya feel like big men, playing with little boys' feelings, huh?! You Hollywood types make me SICK! You think because you come from HOLLYWOOD, you can push decent people around. People who work for a living! I work my fingers to the bone, to feed my wife, and... [chokes up] my boy, Anthony. [crying] Oh, Anthony, you've got to pull through! [becomes angry again] I bet you wussies never worked a stinkin' day, in your stinkin' little lives! Show me your hands!

[Ren and Stimpy present their hands to Anthony's dad.]

Anthony's dad: Just as I thought. Soft as a baby's head. Well, look at these hands! [shows Ren and Stimpy his hands, which have rocks growing out of them] These are the hands of a working man! What'd you ever do for society anyway, just what do you do to earn your keep?

Stimpy: Eh... Well, we make people laugh.

Anthony's dad: Real hard work, making people laugh. Did you go to school to make people laugh? Listen. I make people laugh, too. But nobody gives ME money! You wanna hear a joke?

Stimpy: Well, I...

Anthony's dad: I'll tell ya a joke. And you're gonna laugh! Alright. Here's the joke. Ya ready? Why did they bury the fireman... behind the hill? Come on, funny guys, huh? Huh, huh? Why?

Ren and Stimpy: [trembling with fear; in unison] We don't know why they buried the fireman behind the hill...

Anthony's dad: I'll tell ya why. Because he was DEAD!

Stimpy: [laughs] That's pretty good, huh, Ren? Maybe we could use that.

[Ren smacks Stimpy.]

Anthony's dad: Alright, funny guys. I wanna know something. [increasing with anger] I just wanna know one thing... JUST ONE THING FROM YOU... [suddenly casual] So what makes you guys move, anyway?

The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen [Episode 11]

The Anthem of The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen
(Sung to the theme of My Country Tis of Thee)
Our country reeks of trees,
Our Yaks are really large,
And they smell like rotting beef-carcases.
And we have to clean up after them,
And our saddle-sores are the best.
We proudly wear womens clothing,
and searing sand blows up our skirts.
And the buzzards, they soar overhead,
and poisonous snakes, will devour us whole.
Our bones will bleach in the sun.
And we will probably go to hell!
And that, is our great reward.
For being the-uh royal CANADIAN, KILTED, YAKSMEN.

---

Shaven Yak: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! I can't STAND IT ANYMORE!!! All the time, singing! SINGING! Why won't he STOP?! Listen! You hear that? [Starts laughing maniacally]

Son of Stimpy [Episode 12]

Ren : What's on TV tonight?

Stimpy: I don't care.

Ren: Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy!

Stimpy: I don't care.

Ren: Hey look. It's time for Muddy Mudskipper!

Stimpy: I don't care.

[Ren looks concerned for a moment, then has an idea]

Ren: Look what I got for you! A new catnip mouse!

Stimpy: [turning it away] Ah....

Ren: Mr. Catnip Mouse!

[Ren tries to get Stimpy to play with the mouse, but Stimpy doesn't respond, then Ren has another idea]

Ren: It's Mr. Litter Box! Come on! Take a stinky one! [scratches steps] Nice and stinky!

Stimpy: Stinky... [loud, violent crying]

Ren: [annoyed] So THAT's it! YOU'RE still crying about your imaginary BUTT stinkyness!

Stimpy: I'm not listening to this anymore! He's real. He's REAL! He's REAL!

Ren: Look, man! It's time to get over this fantasy of yours. Let the wound heal. Come on, man, I'll help you. Together, we'll get through this, okay, buddy?

Stimpy: I don't care.

[At this point, Ren has finally lost his patience]

Ren: FINE! Sit here and wallow! You FAT, You -you STUPID... WHO NEEDS YA?! [storms off]

Season 3

Episode 3

An Abe Divided

Stimpy: (reading his Christmas list to the Lincoln Memorial) And I want a bike, and a Betsy-Wets-Herself doll, and a CHEE-Z Bake Oven, and a Pulpy the Pup doll, and a jillion army men, and a... (Ren throws a sponge at him) Ooh!
Ren: Get down from there! That's not Santy Claus! It's a memorial.
Stimpy: A memorial? (gasps, then starts tearing up) I didn't know Santy Claus was... DEAD...! [starts crying hysterically] AAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-AAAA!!
Ren: You are so stupid.
Stimpy: Am I?
Ren: IDIOT! Don't you recognize President Willard P. Fillmore when you see him?!

Episode 5

Jimminy Lummox

Ren: Must not get angry... Must not get angry... Huh? [reacts in horror] MY USED CELEBRITY UNDERWEAR!!! GONE!!! Where?! Who?! [gasps] Oh, no. OH, NO!!!!

[Ren rushes to the laundry room.]

Ren: [sobbing] He didn't! He didn't! Stimpy washed my collection... of used celebrity underwear...! I can't even tell the difference... inbetween Van Johnson's socks... and June Allison's underwear. WHY?!

[Ren continues sobbing as Stimpy enters.]

Stimpy: Eh... What's wrong, Ren?

Ren: [angry] You! Why, I oughta--

[Ren stops, and looks around, scared.]

Ren: Stimpy, what's wrong with you?! Why must you make me so angry?! You know I get hurt when you make me angry! Do you want to get me killed?!

[Ren comes to a realization.]

Ren: Unless... Of course...! [starts going insane] That's the plan, isn't it? You set me up, and he knocks me down. Is that it? Huh? Well, it won't work. 'Cuz I'm not gonna get mad. I'm not getting mad... No, sir. Not me. [laughs madly] I'm... happy! Happy, happy, joy, joy! Happy, happy, joy, joy! I'm happy, happy, happy! Not mad, mad, mad! [cackles] Mr. Happy Boy, right?! HEY, WORLD!!! AM I HAPPY ENOUGH?!

[Ren cackles loudly, his insanity reaching its breaking point. Then he grabs Stimpy.]

Ren: And now... you... DIE!!!

Season 4

Hermit Ren [Episode 1]

[Ren is playing blackjack with his three personalities.]

Ren: Hey! You're trying to cheat!

Ren's Anger: Yeah? Your whole life's a cheat!

Ren's Fear: He's the cheat!

Ren's Ignorance: Did somebody say cheese?! [belches]

[The argument intensifies, causing Ren to go mad.]

Ren: STOP!!! [flips the table] Who are you? You're not my friends. You're just here to trick me, so you can steal all my stuff. Well, I'm onto ya. [grabs the mummy] Stand back! One false move, and the mummy gets it! I know all about your plot. Yeah, yeah. You're all in it together. Each and every one of you... Sleepin' in my gravel bed! Eatin' all my SAND...! Well, here's somethin' you can REALLY have! HIIII-YAH! [starts smashing the mummy apart]

Episode 6

I Love Chicken

Stimpy: [comes to Ren] Ren, what are you eating?

Ren: [gulp] I was eating some delicious chicken sausages. [uses a toothpick.]

[The camera zooms to Stimpy for being sad and the backround blue. Cuts at bed Stimpy cries. "6 Months Later..."]

Ren: [opens the door] Stimpy? [Stimpy is lazy, cuts to Ren] I'm sorry I ate your chicken, it wasn't that good, I wasn't so glad to ask. [smiles]

Episode 7

Egg Yölkeo

Ren: Hammering my eggs just doesn’t thrill me like it used to. [bird squawk] I put off the eggs off the crumb-heads to their Asia, and yet I’m not thrilled… (cries) Oh, father. Why not I will blast within air… That’s when you came in my pet project! [pulls off the fabric] Oh my beautiful account of yolk, [hugs a bunch of scrambled eggs] I will mole you and make me do my old dreamy image! [The eggs fall. Fades to Black, then Ren makes a son out of eggs] Come, my child. I will help you… so that you’ll have sight and snitch to see, I give you a splendid press eyes. So to keep your head warm so it’s not to catch a chill, I give you a lock of my- [pulls off his hair] Chum! and so you’ll have wisdom and witch to think: [scoops out his brain] Lock off my- brain! But you are incomplete... Wait! of course I forgot: My assistant Stimpy will complete the final edition. Stimpleton! [Stimoy runs all the way to the Egg Smithee, while carrying a man, back at the Egg Smithee as Ren looks at Stimpy] Finally, do you have that man?

Stimpy: Yes, friend... [lifts up the fabric and yanks out the man's clothes] Ah, here are those cleaning tips that you wanted, Renwaldo!

---

Ren: [wakes up] Uh-oh. [sniffs] That snmells like- Bacon! Egg Yölkeo! Oh... No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...

[fades to black as the title says "TO BE CONTINUED..."]

Episode 8

Double Header

Stimpy [after waking up in the hospital after their second accident]: Where's Ren?

Ren: Here, you idiot! [We see what's left of Ren stitched together on Stimpy's behind] My face is killing me!

Doctor: The important thing is, you are alive, and you have each other. Have some lunch.

Stimpy: My favorite! Barbecued Boston baked beans!

[Iris out as Ren quivers with fear, then we hear a farting noise.]

My Shiny Friend

(After Ren takes Stimpy to "someplace where [he] won't hurt [himself] any longer", [i.e., their house's basement] he has a nightmare about Muddy Mudskipper and TV)

Stimpy: Hey, Muddy, what are you going to do with that mallet?

Muddy: AH-HA! [hits Stimpy with the Mallet, hard, resulting in a cranial eruption, with Stimpy groaning in pain] Give the bum a big hand! [Audience laughs]

[cut to Stimpy tossing and turning]

Stimpy: What...are...ya?...

[cut back to Stimpy's nightmare]

Muddy: You're a bum!

Stimpy: But Muddy, I love you!

Muddy: A lousy, stinkin' BUM!

[cut to Stimpy tossing and turning again, followed by cutting back to his nightmare]

Muddy [who has turned into a TV set]: You're, a BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM... BUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!

(Stimpy falls helplessly into Muddy's mouth, followed by Muddy chomping his mouth shut)

Stimpy: [as he wakes up from his nightmare] MUDDY!!

[Stimpy then runs up a winding staircase to the attic, which has a barred window]

Stimpy: Lord, Help me. [Stimpy begins to cry] I WANT MY TV!!!!!!

[cut to Ren, who doesn't hear him as he's fallen asleep]

Episode 12

Ren Needs Help!

Ren: [laughs] That's very funny. Creamed corn... AND MORE CREAMED CORN... I can't eat this SLOP!!! There's only one thing I hate more than creamed corn, and that's...

Fire Chief: Cheese?

[Yak goes crazy and grates his butt clean off.]

---

Ren: Look at you! You're freaks! You guys aren't crazy! You're just stupid! I got it all figured out! You're all prawns on the chess board!

Yak: Gee!

Ren: [to Fire Chief] And you! You're not mad! You're just suffering from a post-dramatic schizoholic brain blister!

Fire Chief: Wow!

Ren: [to Muddy Mudskipper] And you! Just a mere victim of an undissolved childhood hemorrhoidic offense mechanism!

Muddy: Say!

Ren: Gentlemen, start your embolisms!

Episode 13

Stupid Sidekick Union

[Baboon has become Ren's co-star; during the taping of an episode, Ren is trembling with fear.]

Ren: Who left this wildebeest carcass on my good sofa...? [gulps] This really makes me mad... Baboon...?

[Baboon runs up to Ren.]

Ren: You've really made me angry this time...

[Baboon growls.]

Ren: I'm gonna have to hit ya... You... stupid...

[Ren covers his eyes and smacks Baboon's nose. Baboon roars and starts mauling Ren.]

Episode 14

Superstitious Stimpy

Ren: Is that my beef carcass?

Stimpy: Yes it is, Ren! Beef carcasses are very lucky you know, once we immerse it in common house o-bile!

Ren: WHAT?! THAT MEAT GOES IN MY MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR BILE!

Stimpy: [stammers] But... but, Ren...Tuesday...17!

[Ren punches Stimpy to the ground and proceeds to lift up the beef carcass and, with a grunt, tosses it back in the house through the window, where it lands on their bed]

Stimpy: NOOOO!!! You've done it now, Ren! It's TERRIBLE bad luck to toss your carcass on the bed!

Ren: I wave my shiny red keister in the face of you and your stuper-stitions!!

Stimpy: [horrified] No, Ren! It's bad juju to blaspheme!

Ren: [evilly] Juju, eh? Ooh, I'm so scared! The big bad juju's gonna get me. COME ON, JUJU! I'M CALLING YOU OUT!!! [gets struck by lightning] Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Stimpy: Ha, ha. Gee, Ren, I guess you didn't know it was unlucky to---

Ren: GET IN THE HOUSE!!!

Stimpy: [scared] Yes sir! [runs back into the house]

Season 5

Episode 3

Stimpy's Pet

[Ren is discussing with Stimpy about Sid.]

Ren: Okay, one more time, if you let the little monster come near me again, I'll...

Stimpy: Uh... Oh yeah! Kill me slow.

Ren: And...

Stimpy: Take my show away from me?

[Sid is looking at Ren's butt.]

Sid: Hmm, smooth butt. I heard of that.

Ren: And... [Sid bites Ren's butt, making him scream in pain]

Stimpy: Oh good! He's teething!

---

[Ren comes home to find out that Stimpy and Sid have made a mess of the house.]

Ren: THAT'S IT!!! I've had enough of you and your stupid pet! THERE'S TOOTHPASTE ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!! THE TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS UP!!! AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF CLOWN PANTS NOWADAYS?! AND PLAYING WITH MY STUFF IS STRICTLY... VERBOTEN!!!!

[Upon hearing Ren say "verboten", Sid roars viciously and precedes to maul Ren as he screams.]

Stimpy: Now, Ren, you should refrain from using any Slavic dialects. Sid is a German attack clown.

Episode 8

Terminal Stimpy

[Open in on a shot of Ren and Stimpy's house, a giant barrel, Fade to inside the house; Ren is reading the morning paper while Stimpy crawls into the scene groaning while looking groggy and disheveled]

Stimpy: What a night. I feel like I got hit by a bus.

Ren: Funny you should say that. According to the obituaries, you were.

[Cut to a picture of Stimpy in the paper's obituaries with the headline "STIMPLETON CADOGEN HIT BY BUS!!!", Wipe transition to Stimpy going through the fridge with Ren next to him]

Ren: You know, you ougta be more careful. All this dying might be bad for your health.

Stimpy: [with a frozen chicken strapped to his head] Not to worry, Ren. I'm a cat. I got nine lives. [holds up three fingers]

Ren: Nine, huh? You've been keeping count.

Stimpy: Hmm...Good question. Let's see now. There was that really cold night when I...fell asleep under the hood of your car!

[Cut to a flashback. Stimpy is sleeping and shivering by the motor in Ren's car. We hear the car doors opening and closing. We then cut to Ren outside turning on the ignition. The car starts and we hear a cat screech as Stimpy's fur flies out of the hood. We cut back to Ren and Stimpy in the present]

Stimpy: Then, there was that silly incident down Mexico way.

[Cut to another flash back. We see a Mexican bandito tied up on the firing line. A Mexican general gives a command]

General: Ready...

[The wind blows the bandito's sombrero off of his head. It lands on the ground by Ren and Stimpy, who are wearing Hawaiian shirts and taking pictures. Stimpy notices the sombrero at his feet]

General: [Offscreen] Aim... [Stimpy picks up the sombrero and runs offscreen]

Stimpy: Señor, uh, you dropped your el hatto! I'll get it for ya!

General: [Offscreen] FIRE!

[Ren's eyes pop open. He looks back as a hail of gunfire is heard from offscreen. Ren looks back shocked, then smiles and takes a photograph. The flash illuminates the screen to reveal a photo of Stimpy and the bandito smiling and covered in bullet holes. Cut to Ren and Stimpy looking through a photo album.]

Stimpy: Oh, here's one. Remember that time I got hit by lightning?

[Cut to a picture of Stimpy burnt to a crip while golfing with Ren.]

Ren: How 'bout that time you took care of those gambling debts for me?

[Pan down to a photo of Stimpy at the bottom of the ocean wearing not only concerete boots, but a concrete coat, hat and umbrella.]

Stimpy: And don't forget our trip to the Amazon.

[Pan down to a photo of Ren and Stimpy in the Amazon, with Stimpy having been consumed by a python.]

Ren: Oh yeah, and that day you went out with the weat hair during the blizzard of '69.

[Cut to a flashback. Stimpy steps out of the shower and walks outisde into the cold. He walks out into the street and gets hit by a bus. Cut back to the present.]

Stimpy: So let's see. That makes...Um...Hmm...[thinks]...Sixty-twelve!

Ren: That's seven, you fathead.

Stimpy: Yeah, seven. [laughs]

Ren: Well, I got news for you, pal. You've only got two lives left. And if you buy the farm, that means I gotta do all the chores. We don't want that now, do we? [Stimpy blinks his eyes] Now be an imbecile and go light the furnace so I can take my bath.

[Stimpy goes down into the basement and sees the heater with a sign on it reading "DANGER". He tries with all his might to twist the valve on a pipe, but he can't move it.]

Stimpy: Ah, valve's stuck. [holds up a pipe wrench] This oughta do it. [repeatedly bangs on the pipe with the wrench until it is all bent up and gas is leaking out of it] Ahh, that's better. [Stimpy lights a match up toward the heater as gas begins filing the room. Dramatic music plays, implying that Stimpy will bet blown up by the gas leak. Suddenly, what appears to be a large rock falls from above and crushes Stimpy. Cut to an airplane flying through the air. Cut to inside the plane, where the sign outisd ethe lavatory changes from "Occupied" to "Vacant". Mr. Horse walks out of the lavatory dressed in a pilot uniform.]

Mr. Horse: Man, this airline food goes right through you. [Mr. Horse walks out of the frame. Cut back to Stimpy, still crushed under the "rock". Ren pokes his head into the frame, wearing a shower cap.]

Ren: Well, that's eight. You only got one life left.

A Scooter for Yaksmas [Episode 9]

[Stimpy is having a nightmare over accidentally stealing a scooter.]

Old Woman: That's him! Stealing scooters on Yaksmas! SHAME ON YOU!

Stimpy: But- But, I--

Shaven Yak: I stayed up for a week chewing all that gum for you!

Ren: I'm glad I forgot to get you that stupid scooter! You don't deserve it!

Cop: I was gonna buy that scooter for my sick little kid! And now look at her!

[Enter the cop's daughter, who is in the form of a demented marionette.]

Marionette: [laughs insanely] Now look at me! Now look at me! NOW LOOK AT ME! [laughs insanely]

Stimpy: I can explain! I--

[Stimpy gets slammed by a very large gavel, which belongs to the judge, Stinky Whizzleteats.]

Stinky: Stimpson J. Cat, you stand accused of stealing a $39 scooter. How do you plead?

Stimpy: Listen your honor, I--[his tongue reveals the words "guilty as sin" printed on it; he exclaims in shock]

Stinky: Foreman Yak, how do you find the thieving rat?

[We see the jury, which consists of twelve yaks, with their stand titling them as "12 Angry Yaks". One of the yaks, the foreman yak, stands up, and speaks.]

Foreman Yak: Guilty, of scootercide in the first degree.

Stinky: Very well. [points at Stimpy] For your crimes against humanity, your sentence is... INFINITY IN [echoing] PRISON!

[Stimpy gets locked in a jail cell.]

Stimpy: [crying] BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT!!!!

---

Fat oaf: So let me get this straight. You're a CIA agent sent by the Queen of America to deliver this top-secret scooter to the West Pole?
Stimpy: "Eh, that's right. To the big chief spy himself, Stinky Wizzleteats!"

Episode 10

The Last Temptation

[last lines in the series]

Stimpy: Aw, raggy!

Comics

Stimpy: Tive uma nota brilhante pelo Stimpy maltês! Isso diz:
"Tenho um nilhaão de lolarés,
wE os leões são como escrúplados!
Then lock your two knocks on the doors by the docks,
And we'll unlock our locks on that spot for a talk!"
Say Sam, you look fraught?!
Please say you are not!
Ren: 'Thought your wad'd be shot,
When you got to the spot,
'Bout the docks and the knocks
And the locks and the talks,
Eet's made me quite rought,
Seence you've talked quite a lot,
Yet meessed not a jot
Nor got caught een meed-thought!
I do not like theese ransome plan!
I do not like eet, Sam I am!"

---

Stimpy: My atomic wave projector will increase the yield of these sugar frosted lumps a thousand fold! Who knows where this could lead?

Ren: Anyone who's read the title "Dogzilla" has a pretty good idea, I theenk.

Stimpy: This could be a boon to mankind, you know!

Ren: You wouldn't say that eef thees story was called "CATZILLA"!

---

Ren: We're ready to order, miss. One big bacteria, two moldfurters, an acteev culture shake, and--

Stimpy & Svën: NO, WAIT!

Stimpy: I want a turkey nut yogurt cane!

Svën: Und an order of lactose-on-a-stick, yew betcha!

Ren: Eexcuse me. That weel be one turkey nut cone, one lactose-on-a-steeck, one one moldfurter, and--

Stimpy & Svën: NO, WAIT!

Ren: What ees eet NOW?

Stimpy & Svën: We're not hungry.

Ren: [steaming] Not... hungry. Fine. No problem.

---

Future Ren 1: Hey. buddy! Yeah you, pal! Look at you, when I'm talkin' to me!
Ren: ?
Future Ren 1: Leesten up! Your plan... eet steenks! We must do sometheeng about these time-holes before eet's too late!
Ren: Ah, but I am doing sometheeng! I'm geeving them a whole new speeffy look! You're just jealous that you deedn't theenk of eet!
Future Ren 1: (grinding his teeth) But I deed theenk of eet... when I was you! Eet was stupeed then, and eet's stupeed now! And--and--and GRRRRR!

Ren & Stimpy's Crock O' Christmas

Stimpy: Oh, Re-en! Before we go Yaksmas caroling, I have something for you!

Ren: What are you up to?

Stimpy: Nothing. It's a present!

Ren: A present?

Stimpy: Well, I couldn't afford to buy you a Christmas present. So I made you one!

Ren: Aww, thanks, l. You know, Stimpy, it's the thought that counts. And besides, if you made my present, that makes it all the more special!

Stimpy: Okay, Ren! Here's your present! [barfs up hairballs] HWARRRF!!!

Ren: CAT HAIRBALLS!?!?!

See also

• Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"
• Rocko's Modern Life