- [sitting and rubbing his back as a horse runs off] Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been as sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse?
- [scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you!
- The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go.
- Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones! yes my name is Major Genral stanly.
- Mabel: You poor thing. Pirates! You mean like walking the plank? Buried treasure? Hack, slash, off with his head, and the Jolly Richard, and everything?
- Frederic: Roger.
- Mabel: Oh, Roger I love it.
- Frederic: No, Frederic without a "k".
- Mabel: Mabel, also without a "k". God, we have so much in common.
- Mabel: You'll be hung.
- The Pirate King: Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you.
- The Pirate King: What's the age of consent around here?
- Mabel: Eighteen.
- The Pirate King: Good! I'm old enough.
- Frederic: Oh, I love you. I'll always love you, come what may.
- Mabel: "Come what may"? We'll all be murdered in our beds come what may.
- Frederic: Well run. For God's sake run!
- Mabel: Death before dishonor. Besides, have you tried running in one of these things. It's a real bitch.
- [Mabel comes in and finds Frederic laying in a coffin.]
- Mabel: Frederic, what are you doing?
- Frederic: Oh, hiding.
- Mabel: My Frederic, hiding? It cannot be the lion-heart troubles at the coming conflict. My love - a wimp!
- Frederic: No, Mabel. A terrible disclosure's just been made.
- Mabel: Then zip it up!
- [The Pirate King has just cornered Frederic in their swordfight. The Pirate King has his sword cornered between Frederic's legs.]
- The Pirate King: Drop it, or...
- Frederic: Nuts!
- The Pirate King: Them, too!
- Mabel: You're not gay, are you?
- Frederic: [high voice] No! [clears throat and in a lower voice] No.
- Mabel: The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather.
- Mabel: Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!
- Frederic: What? You mean Zen piracy?
- Mabel: [unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to reveal her corset] Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked an strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty! [to stone statue] Would you, Harry, would you? [to Frederic] Never to know the rich and real wonderous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing?
- Frederic: I see! I see! I'm throbbing too!
- Frederic: [moments after meeting for the first time] Look, I know this is going to sound silly, but I think I love you. I think might even want to marry you.
- Mabel: God, that was a short love scene!
- Ruth: By the way, was that a definite no back there?
- Frederic: Ruth, I don't want hurt your feelings, but tell me honestly. Now, compared to other women, are you beautiful?
- Ruth: Oh, I've been told so.
- Frederic: Ah, but lately?
- Ruth: Yes, by Sam. 'Course he was drunk.
- Set Sail for the Musical Comedy Adventure of the Summer!
- Yar! Buckle your swash and Jolly your Roger for the funniest rock 'n' rollickin' adventure ever!