- Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
- [to audience] I hope you appreciate that I'm doing all my own stunts.
- Who said that every wish will be heard and answered when wished on the morning star? Somebody thought of it, and someone believed it and look what it's done so far.
- Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.
- Life's like a movie, Write your own ending, Keep believing, Keep pretending
- A bear in his natural habitat: a Studebaker.
- I'm a professional. I've had three performances
- [concerning Kermit the Frog] It's not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad.
- [concerning women] You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. There's something irresistible-ish about 'em. We grin and bear it 'cause the nights are long. I hope that something better comes along.
- [trying to film the Muppets] Okay everybody, stay in focus.
- Golden teeth and golden tunes. Welcome to my presence.
- Jack not name, Jack job.
- [trying to dash after the others] Hey, where're you goin'? Hey! Wait for me! I wanna go to Hollywood! Hey, wait for me! C'mon, guys! Wait, please! I wanna go to Hollywood!
- I just gotta catch up with those guys!
- I just knew I'd catch up with you guys!
- Kermit the Frog: [giving directions to Fozzy] Bear left.
- Fozzie Bear: Right frog.
[discovering that their car has been painted by The Electric Mayhem]
- Fozzie Bear: I don't know how to thank you guys!
- Kermit the Frog: I don't know why to thank you guys.
- Kermit the Frog: Where did you learn to drive?
- Fozzie Bear: I took a correspondence course.
- Kermit the Frog: [watching Gonzo, who is holding a bunch of helium balloons, fly by] Gonzo! What are you doing?
- Gonzo the Great: About seven knots!
- Statler: I'm Statler.
- Waldorf: I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle "The Muppet Movie".
- Gate Guard: Gentlemen, that's straight ahead. Private screening room D.
- Statler: Private screening?
- Waldorf: Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.
- Rowlf the Dog: Oh. Broken heart, right?
- Kermit the Frog: [sadly] Does it show?
- Rowlf the Dog: Listen, when you've been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you've seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every falling star.
- Kermit the Frog: Exactly. She just walked out on me.
- Rowlf the Dog: Ah, typical. That's why I live alone.
- Kermit the Frog: You do, huh?
- Rowlf the Dog: You bet. I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed.
- Kermit the Frog: Nice and simple.
- Rowlf the Dog: Stay away from women. That's my motto.
- Kermit the Frog: But I can't.
- Rowlf the Dog: Neither can I. That's my trouble.
- Kermit the Frog: It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation. This crowd's getting ugly.
- Fozzie Bear: If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.
- Fozzie Bear: Kermit, where are we?
- Kermit the Frog: [Looking at a map] Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here.
- Fozzie Bear: [takes his eyes off the road to focus on the map] Look, why don't we just take that little blue line, huh?
- Kermit the Frog: We can't take that. That's a river.
- Fozzie Bear: Oh. I knew that.
- Kermit the Frog: Yeah sure.
- Fozzie Bear: Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
- Kermit the Frog: [Cutting him off] Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?
- Fozzie Bear': Yeah?
- Kermit the Frog: Who's driving?
- Kermit the Frog: I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood, anyway? Just a dream I got from sitting through too many double features.
- Kermit's Conscience: So why did you leave the swamp in the first place?
- Kermit the Frog: 'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. He probably says that to everybody.
- Kermit's Conscience: On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.
- Kermit the Frog: Yeah. But then it would just be me feeling miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey.
- Kermit's Conscience: Mmm - Yeah. A little like a turkey, but not much.
- Kermit the Frog: No I guess not. Anyhow, I brought them all out here to the middle of nowhere, and it's all my fault.
- Kermit's Conscience: Still, whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember - they wanted to come.
- Kermit the Frog: But... that's because they believed in me.
- Kermit's Conscience: No, they believed in the dream.
- Kermit the Frog: Well, so do I but...
- Kermit's Conscience: You do?
- Kermit the Frog: Yeah! Of course I do.
- Kermit's Conscience: Well then?
- Kermit the Frog: Well then... I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.
- [Fozzie and Kermit speed away from Doc Hopper]
- Doc Hopper: Max!
- [Max pulls over]
- Doc Hopper: Follow that frog!
- [Max drives off leaving Doc Hopper behind]
- Doc Hopper: MAX!
- [Max stops and reverses the car]
- Doc Hopper: Follow that frog with me in the car!
- Max: I'm sorry, Doc, I just got excited. Isn't the frog terrific?
- Doc Hopper [getting in the car]: Terrific, now go!
- Max: But you promised me a reward.
- Doc Hopper: Later, Max. Now follow that frog!
- Charles Durning as Doc Hopper
- Austin Pendleton as Max
- Scott Walker as Snake Walker
- Lawrence Gabriel, Jr. as a sailor
- Ira F. Grubman as a bartender
- H.B. Haggerty as a lumberjack
- Bruce Kirby as a gate guard
- Tommy Madden as One-Eyed Midget
- James Frawley as a writer
- Arnold Roberts as a cowboy
Cameo Guest StarsEdit
- Edgar Bergen as Himself and the voice of Charlie McCarthy
- Milton Berle as Mad Man Mooney
- Mel Brooks as Professor Max Krassman
- James Coburn as the owner of El Sleezo Cafe
- Dom DeLuise as Bernie the Agent
- Elliott Gould as a Beauty Contest Compere
- Bob Hope as an Ice Cream vendor
- Madeline Kahn as a patron at El Sleezo
- Carol Kane as Myth
- Cloris Leachman as Lord's Secretary
- Steve Martin as an insolent waiter
- Richard Pryor as Balloon Vender
- Telly Savalas as El Sleezo Tough
- Orson Welles as Lew Lord
- Paul Williams as the pianist at El Sleezo
The Muppet PerformersEdit
- Dave Goelz as The Great Gonzo, Zoot, and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
- Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, Swedish Chef
- John Landis as Grover (uncredited)
- Jerry Nelson as Floyd Pepper, Crazy Harry, Robin the Frog, Lew Zealand, Camilla the Chicken
- Frank Oz as Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle
- Caroll Spinney as Big Bird