The Brak Show was one of Cartoon Network's 15-minute animated series that aired during Adult Swim. It was a spin-off of Space Ghost Coast to Coast featuring recurring characters from that show and Cartoon Planet, both of which used stock footage from the Hanna-Barbera cartoon Space Ghost and Dino Boy. The protagonist is a Space Ghost villain named "Brak", voiced by Andy Merrill, who developed a quirky persona for the character.
- Narrator: [from newspaper headline] Bawk-Ba-Gawk Bawk-Ba-GONE
- Brak: Hello, Mr. Thundercleese!
- Thundercleese: Are you here to destroy my lawn?!
- Brak: I beg your pardon, we would never do that! Would we, Zorak?
- Zorak: [jackhammering Thundercleese's lawn] What's that? Can't hear ya!
- Zorak: I need meat!
- Mother: [To Zorak] Oh, I'll give you meat, Arthur!
- Father: Brak, do you have something you would like to tell me?
- Brak: Do you want the truth or my side of the story?
- Brak: (Singing)
Tomorrow is the day of the carnival of feet
They'll be feet there and feet
And don't forget the feet
I'll be there, if I'm not, somewhere else
At the one and only carnival of feet
- Thundercleese: [In Brak's head] Three hams will fill him, three hams will thrill him, Why don't you feed him, three hams!
- Thundercleese: Three hams will certainly kill him.
- Zorak: [to Brak's family] Hey why are you all still alive? Oh that's right, it's only Tuesday.
- Brak: I haven't had that much fun since I chased my hamster all the way to St. Louis.
- Zorak: So what are we going to see?
- Brak: "Hot Dog In The Morning". This is the one where the little hot dog finds his way home.
- Zorak: Far out!
- Dad: Now, get your fish-tasting mouths into the vehicle we are all going to Fishpockets.
- Brak: FISHPOCKETS?
(Starts to sing)
All of the wonders of the sea
Will be served up hot to me
Baked or broiled, or lightly breaded
Just the thought makes me light-headed
Could there be a smarter thought
Than a bowl of tatar sauce?
Fishpockets here I come!
- Zorak: To bad we don't have a time machine.
- Brak: Yeah too bad we don't have a time machine, like Mr. Thundercleese. He has one in his backyard! And he's on vacation.
- Brak: I'm wearing clean underwear.
- Past Brak: You are not!
- Brak: You got me!
- Brak: Hey, Zorak, can I ask you a question?
- Zorak: Yeah, what?
- Brak: Where are we gonna find enough squirrels to make a kite?
- Zorak: Are you really that stupid?
- Brak: Oh ha! I dare you to say that again! Only this time say, "Brak I love you!"
- Dad: Do your homework yesterday and you can go.
- Brak: I can't.
- Dad: Ha ha. I fooled you again.
- Dad: Life is too short to worry about eating and making kites out of animals.
"War Next Door"Edit
- Zorak: Welcome home, jackass.
- Brak: Guess what I'm going to be for the talent show?
- Zorak: I don't know, a loser?
- Brak: No. I'm going to be a potato and sing the potato song.
- Zorak: Ugh, I can't wait not to hear it.
- Brak: What do you mean? Aren't you going to be there?
- Zorak: Oh I'll be there. Heh, I'll be there. [Fantasizes that he is burning the talent show with a flamethrower and laughing maniacally / Brak running saying "Hot potato coming through"] Burn! BURN!
- Brak: I'm gonna just cry myself a snack.
- Thundercleese: I never saw him again.
- Brak: Did you ever see him again?
- Thundercleese: Did I not just say that I didn't?
- Mother: I think there's something wrong with Brak.
- Dad: There's something wrong with everyone.
- Brak: I don't want to live anymore.
- Dad: Ah, finally my own office! You see, Mother, told you if we wait, we wouldn't have to add-on!
- Brak: [to Zorak]: But this money's for college.
- Zorak: [taking the money] Swipe!
- Brak: Now I'll never be a barber!
- Brak: You see,
There's somethin' about his red and kindly face
I can tell him anything
BUT THEN THERE'S ZORAK, WHO THINKS I'M A BABY, YEAH
But I'll show him that I'm not
- Zorak: [about Mobab] Hahaha. Ain't he a riot? I met him at the club!
- Mobab: Yes, the gentleman's club. Gentlemen only, please.
- Brak: Can I join too? I'm a gentleman. Watch this: [with a British accent] Allow me to peel your biscuit, grand-mama.
- Mobab: I'm sorry, but Zorak took the last available membership following the untimely passing of Colonel Noseworthy.
- Zorak: Yeah, it took him all night to die. [chuckles]
- Mobab: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mobab von Hoffman. Perhaps you've heard of me.
- Brak: I sure have. Just a second ago when you said, "I am Mobab von Hoffman"!
- Mobab: You're not very bright, are you?
- Brak: Who wants to know?
- Mobab: [Looks at Mom] And who is this [knocks down Brak so he can get closer to Mom] vision of exquisite beauty?
- Brak: Funny you should ask. [Singing]
That's my moooooooom!
She goes by the name of mooooooooooooom!
'M' is for her razmataz
'O' is for the way she talks
The other 'M' is there because
You can't have a mom without 'M'!
- Dad: (sobbing due to the loss of Mom) Now I no longer have a robust woman to carry my coffee beans to the roasting facility!
- Brak: (After visioning that Zorak was his mom and ran off with another mantis) Aw, man! That's the second mom I lost and it's not even lunch time!
- Dad: What are you talking about?
- Brak: I'll tell you, Dad. In song. [Starts singing]
Good 'ol mom
With cookie crumbs in her hair
I miss her so
Who's gonna acid wash my jeans?
Who's gonna pork my pork and beans?
- Dad: Who will rinse my moustache cleeeean?
- Both: [Singing] Wherefore art thou, Mom?
- Dad: Brak! Stop driving your little baby car around Saint Babiesburg and take your asteroid smashing like a man!
- Dad: Do you find me more attractive like this [puts his hand on his chin] or like this? [raises one finger]
- Mother: I don't know, let me see them again.
- Thundercleese: Time is an abstract concept created by carbon-based lifeforms to monitor their ongoing decay.
- Dad: I haven't had twenty bucks in years. Do you know what I do have though?
- Brak: A hat made out of lemons?
- Dad: No.
- Brak: A watermelon boat?
- Dad: No. I have an idea.
- Zorak: Welcome to Painful Acres, where our motto is: WATCH YOUR FRIGGEN BACK!
- Zorak: (Stevie Wonder-like voice) Yeaaaaaahaaa.
Guests who stay at the Painful Acres
Won't stay long so I rent by the hour
They'll know why when they try to take a shower
With the spigot on hot
See my silhouette through the curtain
Why I'm wearing a dress isn't certain
When I steal your dough you'll be hurtin'
From the stabbin' in the shower
With the spigot on hot
- Senior Science: Live wolfs do not make comfortable footwear. As a matter of fact, they are eating their way up my leg (Brak Gasps) as I speak to you now.
- Dad: Why don't you ride your girl-bike home and put on your sundress? You'll look so pretty.
- Brak: What are you doing dad?
- Dad: [looks up from his paper] I'm flipping oyster burgers for the king of Spain. What does it look like I'm doing?
- Zorak: [Robot is dragging him away from staring contest] Hey, what? Get your filthy probes off me!
- Dad: Where are you going Nancy? Don't you want to finish our little dance?
- Zorak: I didn't blink! I was winning! Arg! I'll be back!
- The Eye: Float like a floating eye, sting like a floating eye.
- Poppy: C'mon, give that sweet saddle a rattle!
- Mom: Go on, Brak. You go get you some!
- Brak: [to Zorak] Oh, that's right, you're a remorseless sinner.
- Brak: Hey, what happened to my bed? [Brak's bed is covered in a thick, bubbling slime]
- Zorak: Yeah, that's my funk. Leave it alone. It's resting.
- Brak: Well, where did it come from?
- Zorak: Do you really want to know?
- Brak: No, I suppose not.
- Zorak: Shut up about my biscits!!!!
"Mother, Did You Move my Chair?"Edit
- Brak: Hey Dad! How's the chair situation?
- Dad: Unresolved.
- Brak: [to Mom] I don't think you should touch me. This disease is on the rampage. It's spreadin' like wildfire!
- Brak: I guess it's goodbye Brak the happy, go-lucky man about town...and hello, Brak the ruthless clam slayer.
- Brak: [to Dad] Holy gherkin pickles, pop!
- Zorak: [dressed as a pimp] I received assurances from Mr. Galrog that a young entrepreneur, such as myself, would not be inhibitated by the authorifications in this particular location. Galrog is wiggity-whack with our industry, suckers!
"Brakstreet: Men in the Band"Edit
- Brak: It's like I say, when life gives you lemons... blow those lemons to bits with your laser cannons!
- Brak: I didn't know Zorak could teleport!
- Zorak: [Echoing voice] There are many things you don't know about me!
- Brak: Oh yeah, like what?
- Zorak: [Zorak teleports back in] I'm forty years old! [Laughs evilly and teleports back out]
- Brak: Well that certainly came out of left field.
- Brak: I hope those are talking bubbles, buddy. [while Brak's Dad is mumbling in hottub water]
- Thundercleese: [Rapping] War is my profession. War is my obsession. Nothing I like better than a violent intercession. Blood must be spilled, thick enough to swim in as I hear the lamentations of my conquered foe's women! War, it's good for me, what's my name? THUNDERCLEESE!
- Brak: Zorak! You told me those were water bombs!
- Zorak: Yeah, I lied about that. I lie a lot. That's what makes me cool.
- Thundercleese: I've liberated your swine! How does that grab you?!
- Thundercleese: [about Petroleum Joe] He speaks of carnal pleasures.
- Dad: Like a Ferris wheel?
- Thundercleese: [Thundercleese thinks about this] Yes, like a Ferris wheel.
- Dad: Tonight, in the dark of night, after night has shrouded my dark plan in its nightly darkness, I will exact my revenge!
- Space Ghost: Do you understand the words I am speaking to you?
- Thundercleese: Speaking of shorties, would anyone like to smoke some illegal narcotics?
- Mother: Well, Rhonda, I think the table is quite squared away.
- Rhonda: I am Rhonda, from the seventh level of Yarr!
- Mother: Yes, you've mentioned that quite a few times.
- Dad: Mother, people only invite you to dinner for three reasons: to sell you vitamins, to drug you and take unpleasant snapshots, or to convert you to their hideous farming religion!
- Mother: Oh, rubbish!
- Dad: No, mother, this is serious business -- they make you take an animal wife
- Mother: You are going to get your bum off that chair, put on your walking hat, and come to the party. Is that clear?
- Dad: All right, but I'm not kissing any animals on the lips.
- Brak: Me neither!
- Mother: Fair enough. Off we go then!
- Brak: OK, Mom. As long as they have Atari, Brak'll be just fine. 'Cause Brak loves Atari!
- Mother: You are going to be charming no matter what happens. And you will keep your peculiar theories and philosophies of life to yourself!
- Dad: But that's what I bring to the table, Mother! Don't you want to expose them to the full Dad treatment?
- Mother: They don't want the full Dad treatment. No one does.
- Franklin: Ah, you must be the dinner. Guests. Dinner guests. I really should've put those two words closer together.
- Dad: Hmm. Uh, say, Franklin: did you notice that your name starts with an "F"? I have a theory about men with F-names.
- Mother: You are not going to present your F-names theory!
- Dad: But I'm sure Franklin is interested -- aren't you, F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-Franklin?
- Mother: (whispering) If you continue with this, there will be consequences!
- Dad: I see.
- Dad: Say there, Franklin: that's quite a lovely pair of hands you have. The hands I would think, of a coin collector, or perhaps a lotion enthusiast? Eh? Am I right?
- Franklin: On occasion, yes.
- Dad: There -- was that charming enough for you, Mother?
- Mother: Very nice, Dear.
- Brak: Hey Winston: how come you don't have any toys? All you've got is, is condiments.
- Franklin: I use them when I have people over to eat. It makes them tastier to me. To my mouth. Heeheeheehee.
- Brak: Yeah, huhuhuh. That's a good one.
- Franklin: Why don't you pick up that knife and stab yourself a few times?
- Brak: What?
- Franklin: Oh I'd do it myself, but my heart's so puny it can't pump enough juice to get my limbs to workin'.
- Brak: Hey why don't we play a game or something? Wouldn't that be fun?
- Franklin: Oh yeah, that would. How 'bout if you play, uh, you bang your head on that wall 'n' crawl back over to me?
- Brak: That doesn't sound like fun at all.
- Franklin: Uh-huh -- it's fun for me. 'Cause I eat you! Fun for Winston!
- Brak: One more remark like that and I am leaving!
- Franklin: No don't go, don't go -- Winston lonely! We'll play a game just like Brak said.... Then I eat you!
- Brak: Winston!
- Franklin: Huhuhuh, I'm just jokin'!
- Mother: You know Rhonda, I'm not even sure if I know where Yarr is
- Rhonda: You'll find out, when your soul is devoured and belched forth onto the shore of the River of Heads! The River of Heads is in Yarr -- this I can assure you!
- Mother: Oh Dear!
- Thundercleese: Speaking of delicious: when do we get to meet this hot wife of yours?
- Rhonda: You think your cat has escaped judgment through death? Fool! Even the dead will be judged!
- Dad: Hey Mother: I dare you to stick your hand in the box.
- Mother: I will not! Stick your own hand in there!
- Rhonda: Yes! Come to the box! Rhonda will suck your heart out!
- Brak: The jig is up, Comrade Poopov! I'm here to bring you in for the crimes you have done!
- Winston: You got me, Binky Doodles, Baby Detective. How did you ever escape my super-diddly bear pit?
- Brak: My diaper is loaded with secrets, Poopov! Your simple Russian brain will never wipe away the sweet smell of freedom!
- Winston: I surrender my country to you, Binky -- you my hero!
- Brak: And that's a wrap. Man, if we had a camera, that would've been the best movie ever!
"We Ski in Peace"Edit
- Dad: Damn! They do wear hats!
"Braklet, Prince of Spaceland"Edit
- Thundercleese: Open box, use weapon, slay enemy, bathe in his blood.
- Clarence: Did the park ranger put you up to this?
Brak: Maybe he did. Or maybe I'M JUST CRAZY! (screams) Come forth my precious! (demonic voice) Time to die!!
"Shadows of Heat"Edit
- Dad: Tell him I'm not here. No, wait, tell him I'm not here and to come back in 15 minutes!
- Brak: He's dead?
- Zorak: Not before I killed him.
- Dad: [strangely cheerful and enthusiastic] Good morning, Son! How the hell are you?
- Mom: [similarly enthusiastic] Yes, how the hell are you?
- Dad:Ay, Madre de Dios! It's Zorak!
- Mom:It *was* Zorak. Heh heh [kicks his head] He's dead, all right.
- Dad:I hated Zorak all my life, but now that he's dead I hate him even more because as an unregistered alien without proper driving credentials, I'll go to jail for killing this piece of crap!
- Mom: [about the murder and eating Zorak's flesh] Brak can't know about this; he'll rat us out!
- Dad: Yes, if anybody could find a problem with eating his best friend, it would be Brak; he's so anal.
- Dad:That man was an unlicensed physician! He had no right to mutilate that scout troop like that! They just wanted to hide in their cardboard boxes and drink cough syrup
"Enter the Hump"Edit
- Dad: I'm a little tight back here, how about giving the old hump a squeeze?
"Sexy New Brak Show Go"Edit
- Clarence: Oh hey Zorak you got a new squirt gun too. Let's have a squirt gun war. [Squirts water into Zoraks face] Ha Ha! I got you! Now shoot me as I run away. La la la la la la [Zorak shoots Clarence with his machine gun and Clarence starts screaming in horror].
- Zorak: Outta the way numb nuts! [Starts shooting the Japanese Company Mascot with a machine gun and laughs] Who was that?
- Brak: Are your peepers still not workin', mama?
"All That I Desire You"Edit
- Zorak: Gentlemen; behold!
"New Year's Eve Party at Brak's House"Edit
- Master Shake: Where. Is the toilet?!
- Dad: What the hell is this milkshake doing in the kitchen?
- Master Shake: Did I not just ask where the toilet was?! Because if you don't have one, I'll use the sink.
- Meatwad: He will, too. Get them dishes outta there.
- Brak: Hey guys, lets throw up the booze we just drank!
- Brak: Come on, little meat, lets go upstairs to my room.
- Meatwad: Stairs? That's something I only heard of in books! You a rich boy.
- Dad: Mother if you don't stop crying I'll....
- Mom: You try it and I'll rip off your arm and shove it up your bum!
- Dad: You do that and I'll slap you in the face with my newly acquired bum-arm!
- Mom: You do that and I'll bite off your arm, chew it up, and spit the bone fragments into your eyes. Thus puncturing them and causing the eye liquid to flow into your lungs drowning you!
- Dad: Mother, that's pretty harsh..
- Brak: I guess I'd better get back to my pad. Them girls ain't kissin' themselves.
- Dad: If they start, you know where to find me. Oh, I love that business.
- Thundercleese: Penguincleese away!
- Zorak: It beats havin' a badger in my colon. Hubba-dubba-doh!
- Zorak: (Crashes into the roof of Brak's house, only Brak's mom is there) So, where's the little guy?
- Mom: Oh, he's--
- Zorak: Okay, cut the small talk. Your place, or mine?
- Brak's Mom: Uh... excuse me?
- Zorak: I said "Your place, or mine". And by my place, I mean the bathroom.
Let's All Go To The BobbyEdit
- Dad: (Holds up newspaper) Mother, it says here my long-lost brother made off with our millions!
- Mom: Oh, dear.
- Brak: Oh, boy! I can't wait to use some of that money for a pony.
- Mom: Uh, dear. Someone has to tell him.
- Dad: Well I guess I will. Meaning you will.
Oh Mother, Where Brak Thou?Edit
- Mom: THAT'S IT! I'm leaving you, Father.
- Dad: Oh well, fine. I'll just get along FINE without you.
- Mom: I'm taking Brak too.
- Dad: Oh, good!
- Brak: But I want to stay with Dad!
- Mom: Sorry, Brak. I already got a flight to live at Lake Titicaca.
- Brak: (Singing)
I'm going to lake Titicaca
But I'm sad
For two reasons
Number one is I'm leaving without my maracas
Number two is cause I can't think of a longer song
- Zorak: Where's Mom?
- Dad: She does not live here anymore.
- Zorak: FINALLY! I can nuke your house.
- Dad: Come again? Oh well. (Takes newspaper)
- Dad: Mother, I can't take it anymore! I need you at my home.
- Mom: That's all I needed to hear.
- Dad: What?
- Mom: I was trying to make you crack and say that you need me. I will now happily come home.
- Dad: So that was it, huh? Well, I take it back! I'm going home without you, and listen... to... Zorak talk about his filthy evil all day! Aw, crap, fine Mother, I need you!
- Dad: (Back at house) Hey, where's Sisto?
- Mom: He got eaten at that alien place, remember?
- Dad: Oh, yes. (Holds newspaper up, then down) Hey, where's Brak?
- Mom: I... brought him up... I don't know. (Cut to bathroom airport)
- Brak: Mom! Mom? Mom! Mom?
- Man: Hey, kid. Wanna see a dead body?
- Brak: Okay! (Walks away with him) What's a dead body?
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