The Addams Family (musical)
The Addams Family is a musical with music and lyrics by Andrew Lippa and a book by Marshall Brickman and Rick Elice. The show is based upon The Addams Family characters created by Charles Addams in his single-panel gag cartoons, which depict a ghoulish American family with an affinity for all things macabre.
Grandma
- When I break wind it can start the windmills on an old Dutch painting.
- Three words people: total, body, make-over! Legs, hair, boobs, the full enchilada! Call me cougar, but I betcha there's a couple of ninety year old hotties out there waiting to take their teeth out and chow down on a Grandma sandwich!
- Time, my dear, is a thief. she'll steal your soul and flee on little fairy wings. STAY OUT OF MY SHIT OR I'LL RIP YOUR LEG OFF AND BURY IT IN THE BACKYARD! ...I love you...
- Ok kids... STOP THAT UNDER SCORE...
Uncle Fester
- You're probably thinking: what could a fat bald person of no specific sexuality know about love? But I, too, am in love. Fester loves...
- So will love triumph, or will everyone go home vaguely depressed?
Gomez
- Love of chocolate! You must love chocolate, everybody loves chocolate! Say you do, say it!
- [to the family's pet squid] No! Bernice, he's a guest, you can't have him!
- Are thy now prepared to join thy fabulous mother? She of skin so pale, eyes so deep, and DRESS cut down to Venezuela!
- [to bernice] NoNoNo! The people elect the electors and the electors elect the president... Well i'm sure it sounded like a good idea at the time.
- Just like the bull after the matador has stuck the sword een heem. "Nice job!... I hate you."
- Have you met my daughter? This is Wednesday, the best thing that will ever happen to you... Don't screw it up.
- ...finds himself infested in hostile a land infested with mosquitos, rattle snakes, and many retired jewish peoples! But he manages to save three forks, this rapier and 5 million pieces of eight... or eight million pieces of five. The record is unclear.
- ... And you must be young Lucas! Unless of course you are the father and you are the son... with a massive thyroid problem! Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha... I go to far...!
- this dinner puts me in mind of my great ancestor Hector Fernando Escondido Chimichanga a man hated by the church but clever with a quip. In fact upon being burned alive he said to the priest he'd be pink in the middle, a little crispy on the outside! Of course... {cut off by Wednesday}
- Ok so i'm a goat... leaping from crag to crag like we do. mah mah
- Ok so we loose the goat. No goat! I hate goats.
- You think to make off with my daughter? Where is the talk of dowry. Perhaps an exchange of cattle... so many bushels of wheat.
Lucas/ Wednesday
- Lucas: I can be impulsive... I just need time to think about it first.
Conversation
Morticia: What are you wearing?
Wednesday: A dress?
Morticia: A yellow dress.
Gomez: Paloma – what happened? You look like a crime scene!
Gomez: It's called Full Disclosure!
Morticia: Everybody sips from the sacred family chalice and confesses something they never told anyone.
Gomez: Loosely based on the inquisition.
Wednesday: Now here’s the thing. We’re gonna act real normal.
The Addams Family: Gasp!
Grandma: Define “normal.”
Lucas: Wait, I know this tree! it's where I first saw her! I was lost in the park when a pigeon dropped to my feet with an arrow in it, I looked up, and there she was! Wednesday with a crossbow, and she looked like Diana the Huntress.
Mal: Who?
Lucas: A Roman Goddess, Dad. She ruled the woodlands and was worshipped by slaves.
Alice: Isn't that interesting!
Mal: Well, that's great input that will get you through life.
Grandma: One sip of this will turn Mary Poppins into Madea.
Pugsley: I don't understand your references!
Grandma: Then stop the damn texting and pick up a book once in a while!
Morticia: Wednesday is growing up. Gomez: She'll be Thursday before you know it!
Mal: 20 thousand square feet in the middle of central park how'd they swing that I wonder? Alice: I don't know honey but that man looks dead.
Lucas: But you see the lover always comes back... Eulesies, Tristan, Romeo Wednesday: Look I'm home schooled... what's your point?
Gomez: You gave a child agrimonium!? Mama: I did NOT! I gave him love and understanding... which is a lot more than I get around here! I know what you've been saying missy. Sure I smoke weed in the attic! It's medicinal! I have... gingivitis. And I'm the matriarch of this family! I'm somebody's mother! And let me clear that one up right now! You wanna know who's mother I am?! It's... ohhh I've got to stop smoking weed in the attic!
Alice:
When I'm depressed
Or feeling blessed
A poem will get it off my chest
They come to me
They take no time
They just pop out
and always rhyme
Morticia: Maybe you should see someone about that! Alice: And they're always about the one thing everyone needs and so few have... Morticia: Health care? Alice: Why, love of course!
