Why are the various quotes cited as being from Billy Connolly Live 1994 listed under "Unsourced"? Are only published works considered sources and not performance videos such as this one? I just added one that happens to be from the same production, but I've put it under sourced as I believe this video release should qualify as a source. 184.108.40.206 23:45, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable, precise and verifiable source for any quote on this list please move it to Billy Connolly. --Antiquary 18:26, 12 September 2009 (UTC)
- Don't vote, it just encourages them.
- Nothing good comes from Switzerland! Cuckoo clocks and fucking Toblerones!
- Life for me is great. I'm a very fuckin' wealthy person, I'm married to a very beautiful woman and I get laid with monotonous regularity.
- I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
- Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
- In a segment called "Billy Connolly on: Fuck off.":
- It transcends language barriers. If you're in an airport in Tibet and some guy with a shaven head and saffron clothes is fucking with your bag and you yell, "Hey! Fuck off!", he will understand you. He will fuck off. Off he will fuck! "Fuck off" does not mean "go away." "Fuck off" means "fuck off!"; there's no English translation, because it's in English.
- Never trust a man who, when left alone with a tea cosy, does not try it on.
- Monica Lewinsky went to her plastic surgeon and said "Can you do something about my love-handles?" He said "Certainly", and cut her ears off
- (While on the final episode of Parkinson) "Don't even try getting into a bean bag once you're over 35, because you won't get out again. You'll be like a turtle on its back"
- Hangover Song
- I woke up with an aching head, as usual.
- I can't remember going to bed, as usual.
- My stomach's feeling very queer,
- I've got a thunderstorm in my left ear;
- It must have been McEwan's beer, as usual.
- We sucked the drink up like a Hoover, as usual.
- The cheap wine and the paint remover, as usual.
- And somewhere deep inside my brain
- I seem to hear a diesel train,
- And I promise not to drink again, as usual.
- I woke up in a public park, as usual.
- I must have crawled there after dark, as usual.
- I wonder how much I've got;
- Oh Jesus Christ! I've spent the lot.
- I must have been a drunken sod, as usual.