Steel Magnolias

Steel Magnolias is a 1989 American comedy-drama film about a close-knit circle of friends whose lives come together in a beauty parlor in a small parish in modern-day Louisiana.

Directed by Herbert Ross. Written by Robert Harling, based on his 1987 play of the same name.

Sometimes laughter is a matter of life and death.taglines

Truvy Jones

Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

There is no such thing as natural beauty.

Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the '80s. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.

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Shelby Eatenton Latcherie

[about M'Lynn] You can't mess up her hair. You just tease it and make it look like a brown football helmet.

I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

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Louisa "Ousier" Boudreaux

M'Lynn, your husband is a boil on the butt of humanity.

I'm not crazy, M'Lynn, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!

Don't try to get on my good side, Truvy. I no longer have one!

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M'Lynn Eatenton

Don't you decorate your sister's car with condoms, it's tacky!

[To Shelby, after seeing the car] Let me put it this way... If you and Jackson want to practice safe sex, you're all set!

No.. I couldn't leave my Shelby. I just sat there and kept pushin' the way I always have where Shelby was concerned.... I was hopin' she'd sit up and argue with me. Finally we realized there was no hope. They turned off the machines. (Pause) Drum left.. couldn't take it. Jackson left. (Slight "laugh") I find it amusin'.. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or somethin'. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh God. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.

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Clairee Belcher

[about the new mayor's wife dancing and wearing a tight dress without a girdle] Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.

Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

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Other

Drum: I heard you got so screwed up you cut your dog out of your will and had an ungrateful nephew put to sleep.

Annelle: [Sammy is wearing an Easter bunny contume] We'll talk about uncomfortable when you're nine months pregnant!

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Dialogue

Shelby: Ya know what you need in here, Truvy? You need a radio. Music is a wonderful thing to have in the background. It takes the pressure off of everybody feeling they have to talk so much.

Truvy: Oh, I used to have one, but I smalled it against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. Of course, I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.

Clairee: A radio. What did I just hear--? Oh, yes! The Antilley family is sellin' KPPD! I wonder how much radio stations sell for.

Shelby: Miss Clairee, you should buy KPPD! You got plenty of money!

Clairee: What would I do with a radio station? Oh, business never interested me. Lloyd took care of all that stuff. Shelby, I hope you and Jackson will be as happy as Lloyd and I were. We had such a good time. Until November. Well, at least he hung on through the state playoffs.

Shelby: Miss Clairee, there are still good times to be had.

Clairee: Well, I really do love football, but it's hard to parlay that into a reason to live.

Truvy: What are your colors, Shelby?

Shelby: They're blush and bashful.

M'Lynn: Her colors are pink and pink.

Shelby: My colors are blush and bashful, Mama.

M'Lynn: How precious is this wedding gonna get, I ask you?

Shelby: My colors are blush and bashful. I have chosen two shades of pink, one is much deeper than the other.

M'Lynn: But the bridesmaids dresses, they are really beautiiful.

Shelby: Ceremony will be too. The walls are banked with sprays of flowers, and my two shades of blush and bashful. Pink carpets especially laid out for my service, and pink silk bunting, drapped over anything that would stand still.

M'Lynn: That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto Bismol!

Shelby: I like pink! Pink is my signature color.

Clairee: I'm a little embarrassed, I'm windblown. I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.

Truvy: Yeah? How did that go?

Clairee: Beautifully, except, Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.

Truvy: Was she hurt?

Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Drum: Ouiser, can we call a truce long enough for me to get a piece of cake?

[Ouiser slices him the tail piece of an armadillo cake]

Drum: Thanks Ouiser. Nothin' like a good piece of ass.

Sammy: You're supposed to soak the red beans overnight.

Annelle: But we don't have overnight!! And I wanted to take it to 'em before they leave for the hospital tomorrow!

Sammy: Then, let's cook somethin' else.

Annelle: I already bought all the stuff and it's in the "freezes beautifully" section of my cookbook. I wanna take somethin that freezes beautifully.

Sammy: Well, then, we'll make red beans and rice.

Annelle: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire?

Sammy: Beer.

Annelle: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine.

[dumps the beer out in the yard]

Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake!

Annelle: Who? Who did you say?

Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ!

Annelle: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain?

Sammy: That's the one.

Annelle: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter.

Sammy: Oh, Annelle, God damn it!

Annelle: I think we should pray.

Sammy: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!

Truvy: How you holdin up, honey?

M'Lynn: I'm fine.

Clairee: It was a beautiful service.

Ouiser: The flowers were the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen!

M'Lynn: They were beautiful.

Annelle: Miss M'Lynn, it should make you feel a lot better that Shelby is with her King.

M'Lynn: Yes, Annelle, I guess it should.

Annelle: Then we should all be rejoicing.

M'Lynn: Well you go on ahead!! I'm sorry if I don't feel like it! I guess I'm a little selfish. I'd rather have her here.

Annelle: Miss M'Lynn, I don't mean to upset you by sayin' that. It's just that when somethin like this happens, I pray very hard to make heads or tails of it. And I think that in Shelby's case, she just wanted to take care of that little baby, and of you, of everybody she knew. And her poor little body was just worn out. It just wouldn't let her do all the things she wanted to. So she went on to a place where she could be a guardian angel. She will always be young, she will always be beautiful. And I personally feel much safer knowin' that she's up there on my side (M'Lynn turns to face Annelle.) It may sound real simple and stupid and...Well maybe I am, but, that's how I get through things like this.

M'Lynn: Thank you, Annelle. I appreciate that. And it's a real good idea. Shelby, as you know, wouldn't want us to get mired down and wallow in this. We should handle it the best way we know how...and get on with it. That’s what my mind says. I wish somebody’d explain to my heart.

Truvy: Drum says you never left her side for a second.

M'Lynn: No.. I couldn't leave my Shelby. I just sat there and kept pushin' the way I always have where Shelby was concerned.... I was hopin' she'd sit up and argue with me. Finally we realized there was no hope. They turned off the machines. (Pause) Drum left.. couldn't take it. Jackson left. (Slight "laugh") I find it amusin'.. men are supposed to be made outta steel or somethin. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise. No tremble. Just peace. Oh God.. I realize as a woman how lucky I am! I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life.. and I was there when she drifted out of it. It was the most precious moment of my life... [Sighs] I gotta get back. Has anybody got a mirror?

Truvy: Does anyboyd have a mirror? I don't know how you're doin on the inside honey...but your HAIR sure is holdin up beautiful.

M'Lynn: [Looking in mirror, upset] Shelby was right! This IS a brown foot ball helmet!!!! [Begins to cry]

Clariee: Ohh.. honey are you ok?

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. [screaming] I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I'm so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know why Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will ever know how wonderful his mother was! Will he ever know what she went through for him? Oh God I wanna know why!! Why Lord, I wish I could understand! [in a firm tone] No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna hit somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard! [continues sobbing]

Clairee: Here! [grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn] Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!

Ouiser: Are you crazy?!

Clairee: Hit her!

Ouiser: Are you high, Clairee?!

Truvy: Clairee, have you lost your mind?

Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX! Hit her!

Annelle: Miss Clairee, enough!

Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!

Ouiser: [gets out of Clairee's grip] Let go o' me!

Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser! (Everyone, except Ouiser, starts laughing.)

Ouiser: YOU ARE A PIG FROM HELL!! (Ouiser turns and walks away.)

M'Lynn: Ouiser, don't leave!

Clairee: Ouiser! Ouiser, I was just kiddin'!! Come back!!

Annelle: [quietly laughing] Miss Clairee, that wasn't a very Christian thing to do.

Clairee: Oh, Annelle, ya gotta lighten up.

Ouiser: (hugs M'Lynn) M'Lynn, you're in my prayers, honey. (Looks at a shocked Annelle.) Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.

Annelle: I have suspected this all along!

Ouiser: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches! One of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!

Annelle: Not on your first visit!

Clairee: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Ouiser: I shouldn't have said that.

Clairee: Said what?

Ouiser: Back at Truvy's. I said I'd be better off when my body wears out. I shouldn't have said that in front of Shelby. And l didn't mean that.

Clairee: Ouiser, nobody pays any attention to you.

Ouiser: But l feel bad, Clairee. l'm a terrible person.

Clairee: No, you're not. You'd give your dog a kidney if he needed one.

Ouiser: Yes.

Clairee: [discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bark, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?

Ouiser: SHUT UP!

Clairee: What?

Ouiser: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee!

Clairee: I am not!

Ouiser: This is football! All the people wanna hear about is touchdowns and injuries! They don't give a damn about that grape shit!

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