Sea Patrol
Sea Patrol (July 5 2007-July 12 2011 ) is an Australian drama series set on board a patrol boat in the Australian Royal Navy Name HMAS Hammersley
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Season One (2007)
Welcome Aboard (1.01, 001)
Mike: When we last met, on the course. I never expected we'd end up on the same ship you being a big ship sort of person and me being wedded to patrol boats.
Kate: Yes, you're right. I am a big ship sort of person.
Chefo: Word is you haven't been saluting the ship's mascot.
Spider: I'm supposed to salute it? Who is he?
Chefo: It's Thor - the thunder god.
Spider: Oh, my mum wouldn't like me saluting him then. We're Presbyterian.
Buffer: Don’t listen to him, Spider.
Spider: Oh, my name’s Billy. Billy Webb.
Chefo: Yeah, that’s right. Spider Webb.
Spider: No, I had that all through school. I joined the navy to get away from it all.
Buffer: Good luck with that, Spider.
- Mike: What’s happening, Buffer?
- Buffer: They’re still looking for a tube, sir.
- Mike: (Looks thoughtful.) Tell X she’s got a pistol. Use it.
- Buffer: You want him to shoot her?
- Mike: Tell X to break down her Browning, remove the 9-millimetre barrel, use it as a tube. Over.
- Buffer: Got it.
- Mike: (Chuckles.) Shoot her.
- Nav: Well, that’s one way of ending a crisis.
- Jaffah: It’s freezing.
- ET: No it’s not. We’re too close to the equator.
- Jaffah: Do we have any sharks in these waters?
- ET: No. The saltwater crocodiles scare ‘em away.
- Jaffah: Crocodiles?
- ET: I’m joking.
Buffer: You got my smokes?
Spider: Eh?
Buffer: My smokes. You got 'em?
Spider: You said not to give them to you.
Buffer: That was then, this is now.
Spider: Yeah but you said even if you asked.
Buffer: Spider, I'm a gentle man. Don't tempt me to violence.
Spider: I can't. I swapped them for some crabs.
What Lies Beneath (1.02, 002)
- Mike: Enjoying yourself, X?
- Kate: Driving a patrol boat is very different to a frigate.
- Nav: Ha! Yeah, different as! Like a V8 and a schoolbus.
- Mike: You’re a westie petrolhead, Nav.
(When ET dives to check what’s under the Hammersley.)
- Alicia: The gunner is there because...?
- Kate: In case of sharks.
- Buffer: Oh, I wouldn’t concern yourself, ma’am. No self respecting shark would eat him.
- Nav: But if one just snacked on him a little, might do the women of the world a favour.
- Mike: Nav, mark the buoy’s position on radar.
- Nav: It’s already marked, sir.
- Mike: Just once I’d like to get in ahead of you,
- Nav: (Laughs.) In your dreams, sir.
- Mike: And he’s under the impression that you’re Wonder Woman.
- Kate: Oh, you didn’t already know that?
Ghost of Things Past (1.03, 003)
Spider: I think it's a ghost ship.
Buffer: It's a catamaran, you idiot.
RO: A man goes yachting to get away from his wife. Well, if he’s gonna call her every day, he might as well stay at home. (Leaves.)
Nav: Future Mrs Robert Dixon’s gonna be one lucky girl.
(Mike chuckles.)
Kate: Sir, four elephants and a giraffe could’ve gone over in that storm, we’d never know.
Mike: I think we can safely not bother looking for any elephants. The giraffe on the other hand…
Mike: (Observing Bright Island) Feds?
Buffer: Looks like it, sir.
Mike: I dropped off two agents, but I can see another six. What the hell are they doing?
Buffer: Breeding, sir?
Chefo: Hey, guys, guys what Spider’s just done.
Buffer: Chefo, as you can see, we’re playing a game here, and every time you interrupt, I lose concentration and Swaino wins.
Chefo: I’m sorry, Buff. You’re gonna want to hear this. You remember the blood you found on the catamaran?
Swain: Spider found it, yeah.
Chefo: Yeah. Well, it was evidence, and Spider, the tool, just cleaned it up.
Swain: He what?
Chefo: Yeah. X is fuming. Apparently it was the only thing to prove Jackson’s lying.
Buffer: Good one, Spider.
Swain: Mate, glad he’s in your division. It’s gonna be messy.
Chefo: I’d better go. Don’t want to miss the fun.
Swain: I win, by the way.
Buffer: I’m gonna kill Chefo.
Irukandji (1.04, 004)
- [Spider and Kate are talking about Jaffa after he's been stung.]
Spider: They're going to be ok aren't they? Right? X?
Kate: I don't know Spider, I'm not a doctor.
Spider: But it's just a jellyfish sting.
Kate: Well, severe Irukandji syndrome can be fatal. I've got to get back to the bridge. If there is any change in his condition get Swain immediately.
Spider: Yes Sir... (Kate gives him a look.) Um, ma'am.
Under The Radar (1.05, 005)
Precious Cargo (1.06, 006)
Nav: Roger Romeo2, we might have to sink it. Over.
ET: Wow, what about the Maritime salvaging rights, there might be a ferrari in this thing.
Nav: And who's gonna drive it back to base, Romeo? You?
Fisherman: Hey Spider, is that you, mate? How are you going? How are those crabs we gave you?
There is an awkward pause. Chefo sniggering in background.
Spider: (defensively) They're talking about seafood. They gave me some crabs on Bright Island!
Whole Crew laughs.
Spider: Chefo, tell them about the crabs in the freezer.
Chefo: I don't know what you're talking about, mate.
Rescue Me (1.07, 007)
Nav: I reckon they'd call it the rescue complex.
ET: So what, you're saying she needed to be rescued?
Nav: The rescue complex refers to the one doing the rescuing. You seemed pretty keen to wanna rescue her. [ET tries to speak] Glad she didn't shoot you though. Well, maybe glad is to strong a word.
Through the Storm (1.08, 008)
Spider: Ma'am. Does this make us square now?
Kate: Not quite Spider. Not quite.
Under the Hammer (1.09, 009)
Mike: You shouldn't have come back here without Dr. Morell.
Kate: This ship, was on FIRE!
Damage Control (1.10, 010)
Chinese Whispers (1.11, 011)
Deep Water (1.12, 012)
Cometh the Hour (1.13, 013)
Season Two (2008)
The Dogs of War (2.01, 014)
Nav: ET's being posted with us?
Mike: Good to have the old gang back together, wouldn't you say?
(ET is driven over from the HMAS Melbourne in a RHIB)
Charge: Wooh-hoo-hoo! It's the creature from the deep.
ET: I heard you fellows couldn't deal without me.
Buffer: Yeah right.
Swain: It's good to see you again mate.
ET: It's good to be here.
Bomber: You leave your cups up here, next time you get your coffee in a cardboard one!
Kate: [hiding a smirk] Consider yourselves told.
Mike: We'll let RO give them the good news.
RO: [sarcastically]Thank you sir.
Fortune Favours (2.02, 015)
The crew are practicing a boarding exercise and using left-over vegetables as mock weapons.
Spider: Step away from the cauliflower!
Buffer: It's a broccoli, you idiot.
Take Down (2.03, 016)
Nikki: You could restore power to the bridge.
Zan: In my shoes, would you?
Nikki: I would never be in your shoes.
Heaven Born Captains(2.04, 017)
Charge: What is that?
Bomber: Croque monsier.
Charge: Crocca what?
Bomber: Ham and cheese toasted sangers.
Charge: Oh, alright.
(CO and XO talking about CO's decision of the grunt boarding.)
XO: You put our crew on harms way, Sir.
CO: No one was injured.
XO: Through good luck and good training.
CO: Oh come on, Kate! Who dares wins. Surely you have heard that by now.
(The last statement was a double entendre. It was a rib about CO's relationship with Jim Roth)
XO: Yeah, it's the SAS motto, Sir.
CO: Yeah that's right, it is. And I would have thought that it would have been right up your alley.
(Now this statement clearly a statement on the XO's relationship with Jim Roth.)
XO: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you denying me any opportunity to move on from you?
(XO starts to walk out.)
CO: Look Kate, I'm sorry. I was out of line. It's just that... sometimes we find ourselves facing circumstances that ah beyond our control. And in such situations a person has to seize the moment. Don't you agree?
XO: I think leadership takes courage.
CO: I think a lot things do.
(They look into each others' eyes. CO leans like he was thinking of kissing the XO and changes his mind.)
CO: That's all.
(XO goes out the room, closes the door and leans on the wall for a moment while taking a deep breath.)
Giving Up The Dead (2.05, 018)
(about the quiche)
Bomber: In Spider's case, it may bring on puberty.
Spider: I'll have you know I shave every day.
E.T: Legs and bikini line don't count, mate.
Kate: (Under the effects of rohypnol.) You're a beautiful man, Mike Flynn. Just beautiful.
Mike: Ok, thank you.
Kate: (Under the effects of rohypnol.) Why did you leave?
Kate: (Under the effects of rohypnol.) I don’t agree with extramarital soy sauce.
Birds (2.06, 019)
Mike: Nav what's your take on this Agent Fulton?
Nav: He's a Marine Protection guy Sir.
Mike: Yeah I know that but what's your take on him? Is he a loose cannon?
Nav: He's...a Marine Protection guy Sir.
Mike: Right, enough said.
Kate: What I need is a card that says 'Why is there a man in a barrel?'
Buffer: There'll be one in there somewhere Ma'am.
Nav: Haven't you had enough action for one day?
ET: Nah never, just ahh, I think I pulled a muscle boarding that FFV I thought I might stretch it out.
Nav: Oh no I know what you're doing, trying to drive me crazy.
ET: Is it working?
Nav: No, it's having absolutely no effect whatsoever.
ET: Oh, well I guess I'm safe just to keep doing it then.
Nav: Just don't blame me if I can't think about anything else.
Nav: He kissed me.
Kate: He kissed you by accident?
Kate: I'm aware that you and ET have feelings for each other. Now I don't want to hear about that because I know that nothing would ever happen on the ship. You are too mature and professional for that to happen.
Nav: Thank you.
ET: (When he's just been told his leg will be amputated) At least we'll always get a car space.
RO: At least you didn't contract bird flu.
Hidden Agendas (2.07, 020)
Heart Of Glass (2.08, 021)
Buffer: Call the hands, call the hands. Wakey, wakey, wakey.
Shadow Line (2.09, 022)
[The crew on the Bridge are staring at the EOD watching Spider kiss Carly Walsman on Ray Walsman's yacht]
Nav and Charge: Oh oh oooooo ooh wow wooow!
Charge: Oh recording recording!
Nav: Spider hasn't got a chance against her.
RO: Guys, some of us are trying to work here.
Nav: RO,shoosh.
[Kate walks in]
Kate: Ahh, have we found something of interest on the EOD?
Charge: No, just perving on the cruiser.
Kate: What's Webb done with his life jacket?
Charge: Ummm well he.....
Nav: You know Spider, he's just...Spider.
Kate: Right
Mike: It’s just about being at sea.
Kate: Yeah, skippering a giant plastic bath toy.
Mike: You sound upset, X. Could it be that you’d miss me?
Kate: I just think that… it would be a terrible waste for the navy.
Mike: Well, I’m sure the navy would appreciate your concern. (Pause.) If I wasn’t in the navy it would open up certain other possibilities.
Kate: (Looks away silently.)
Rules Of Engagement (2.10, 023)
Mike: Who's got the machetes?
"ET:" We're navy sir.
A Brilliant Career (2.11, 024)
Swain: That's one hell of a bullet wound.
Freeman: He doesn't appear to have been in the water long.
Swain: You think he was thrown out of that prawn trawler?
Freeman: Ohh well, unless he fell from space.
Friends Close, Enemies Closer (2.12, 025)
Soldiers of Fortune (2.13, 026)
Season Three (2009)
Catch and Release (3.01, 027)
Spider: (carrying a box of exotic fish) X, they've got the whole cast of Finding Nemo down there!
Mike: How do we frame our grief? How do we make sense of a life taken away so early? These are the things we will ponder for years to come and there are no easy answers. What is clear, though, is the way ET lived his life. He represented the finest values of the Royal Australian Navy. He believed passionately. He was loyal to his crew, and he never sharped his duty. He was courageous, diligent, and his sense of humour could defuse even the most difficult situation. He was a son, he was a brother, he was a friend, and he... he was a member of my crew. We will miss him.
Navy Chaplain: I now commit Leading Seaman Joshua Holiday to the sea, may his soul rest in peace.
Buffer: General salute, present, arms!
(Last Post plays in backround)
Buffer: Present! Fire! Fire! Fire!
(While guns are firing, ET's ashes are poured out and into the wind, then Charge tosses a wreath into the ocean.)
Nav: (under her breath) Goodbye.
Monkey Business (3.02, 028)
Buffer comes outside after villagers throw vodka bottles at ship deck.
Buffer: Oi, what do you think your doing? Turn round and walk away mate! Oh, you want me to come down there?
Mike: What do you think of our new Electronics Tech?
Nav: Up himself and unprofessional!
Kate: It's early days.
Kate opens hatch in roof
2Dads: My God, it's a monkey! How'd he get here?
Kate: I don't know, but he seems to know you.
China Dolls (3.03, 029)
[Talking about RO]
Kate: You really have to talk to him.
Mike: Do I have to?
Guns(3.04, 030)
Ghost Net (3.05, 031)
Oh Danny Boy (3.06, 032)
(Spider, 2Dads and Buffer doing inventory of stocks being brought aboard the ship)
Spider: One box of paper towels.
Buffer: One paper towel. (checking the list against his list)
(Spider and Buffer looking at Robert approaching them. He was dropped off by the police after a drunken misdemeanor)
Buffer: One drunk sailor. (Referring to Robert coming aboard the ship)
(Spider and Buffer grins at RO who glares back at them)
2Dads: I thought you two would have something in common!
RO: Yeah, a certain part of our anatomy!
Half Life (3.07, 033)
Red Sky Morning (3.08, 034)
Kate 'XO': If this ends up on Facebook I will never speak to you again.
_______
Nathan Talbot: PEEK A BOO!
Pearls before Swine (3.09, 035)
Mike 'CO': There are certain rumours going around the ship.
2Dads: Sir, the rumours are true. Charge really is a woman.
Safeguard (3.10, 036)
Charge in bar, goes towards his son - who is a midshipman.
Charge: Jamie, could we have a word?
Jamie: That's 'Sir' to you, Sailor.
Jamie turns back to his friends
Secret Cargo (3.11, 037)
Buffer: Ship's safe. Buffer's here!
Black Gold (3.12, 038)
Red Reef (3.13, 039)
Season 4 (2010)
Night of the Long Knives (4.01, 040)
(To RO, who is drunk)
Swain: Eh, Robert, stay away from golf buggies.
Charge: And transexuals.
(Referring to the event that happened the last time RO got drunk)
Crocodile Tears (4.02, 041)
(Someone knocks on the door, Kate opens the door let Mike in and walk away.)
Mike: I thought we had a date...
Kate: I thought we cancelled.
Mike: I'd just like to know why you walked away from me today.
(Mike was referring to an earlier scene at NavCom after an argument with the her, Commander White and Mike.)
Kate: Because you've turned.
Mike: And what is that supposed to mean?
Kate: Well, you're clearly one of the bureaucrats now.
Mike: I'm just doing my job. I have responsibilities that come with this new position like it or not.
Kate: And that includes not supporting your old crew, does it?
Mike: I have to be impartial. It's not personal.
Kate: Oh, that's crap. You know you hide behind this veneer of command. I look of you with your straight back and square shoulders, and it is your armor. And you won't let anyone in because you're afraid. You're an emotional coward, Mike Flynn!
(Mike walks away chuckling.)
Kate: And I have put up with it for three years now. And sometimes I think actually enjoy tormenting me.
Mike: Oh come on, Kate! That is not fair! You know the regulations.
Kate: Yeah, the regulations don't apply anymore, do they? You can't hide behind them anymore.
(Mike kisses Kate and they proceeded to make love in the bedroom.)
The Right Stuff (4.03, 042)
Dutchy: Sir with your permission, can I include 2Dads in this party? I am getting the impression that he is the type to keep under my wing.
Mike: You're a brave man.
Ransom (4.04, 043)
Kidnapper: It's not coming off. Maybe if I use turps!
Paradise Lost (4.05, 044)
RO: Ah, Bomber, can I get some museli with some hot milk on the side please?
Bomber: Yeah sure. In a glass?
RO: In a glass would be fine. Could you make it really hot?
Bomber: Really hot it is.
RO: You're really hot.
Bomber: You killed that man!! Preacherd.
Shawn: Is that what they're saying? I didn't do that - Peter killed him.
Bomber: But you were there.
Shawn: He was going to the authorities! He had this additude that the poppies compromise us. Everybody in paradise knew about the poppies.
Bomber: So they all knew that Peter mudered one of their own?
Shawn: No. He didn't tell them.
Bomber: You make me sick!
Mike: Get him out of here, 2Dads (Escorting Shawn to the police)
(Bomber walking towards the water on the boat deck and turns to CO)
Bomber: Sir. Just for the record, I decided to renew my contract for another three years.
Mike: Glad to have you on board, Bomber.
(Bomber Similes)
Mike: Something help you with that choice?
Bomber: I decided the idea that I got people all around looking out for me.
(CO and Bomber smile at each other)
Bomber:Excuse me (walks toward Dutchy and kisses him on the cheek)
Dutchy: Ah, whatt was that for?
Bomber: 2Dads told me that you found me and carried me all that way. Thanks.
Dutchy: No, that wasn't me, that was RO. But thanks anyway.
(RO looking surprised, because he told 2Dads that Dutchy carried her, after Ro actually did when she was unconscious in the swamp.)
Bomber: (looks at RO, surprised.)
RO: So.
Bomber: Why?
RO: You told me to stay away.
Bomber: Well, thanks for ingoring that.
(She walks away with a smile, while Ro thinks to himself.)
Big Fish (4.06, 045)
(2Dads ,Bomber, Swain, Dutchy and Bird Fishing on the boat deck)
2Dads: Oh yeah, here we go!
Dutchy: You alright?
2Dads: Yaahaa!
Bird: Yuck.
Dutchy: Relax, it's just a little bit of squid. (Helps Bird with her fishing rod.)
Bird: Yeah, but they're so slimy!
Bomber: Hey! I thought the rule was to bait your own hook.
Bird: I don't do slimy!
Bomber: Guess that kills 2Dads' chances!
2Dads: Oh, it's a monster! Get the net! (fighting a fish on the line)
Swain: Come on mate! Get the camera, Bomb! (She reaches for her camera)
(Swain laughs as 2Dads reels in a small fish.)
Bomber: That's your monster?
(Swain still laughing)
Dutchy: It's huge!
Bomber: Mate, this thing hasn't got a micro setting!
2Dads: It's bigger than it looks.
Bomber: Ah, bet you say that to all the girls.
Shoes of the Fisherman (4.07, 046)
The Universal Donor (4.08, 047)
Dutch Courage (4.09, 048)
Rawhide (4.10, 049)
Brotherhood of the Sea (4.11, 050)
(Bomber and Charge in the bridge of the Rosyln Bay while the Hammersley is looking for 2Dads.)
Bomber: Is there anything I could help with?
Charge: Why did you volunteer for this detail?
Bomber: I didn't want to be there when they called off the search.
(Charge thinks)
Bomber: So, is there anything I could help?
Charge: No, just stay on the shipping lane. A monkey can do this.
Bomber: Remember when he brought that monkey onboard?
Charge: Idiot!
Radio/Coast Watch: This is the Coast Watch Anouncement. Attention all shipping. The Sudbury Kay - a person's been spotted by Civilian Aircraft on the kay in need of assistance. There are no further details at this time, any vessel in the area, please respond. Over.
Charge: Sudbury Kay!
Bomber: Charge!! That's way south of the search area. It couldn't be him.
Charge: Why not?
Bomber: Well, not if he was diving up in Saxon Reef. It's aganist the wind direction, current - it's impossible.
Charge: But what if he wasn't on Saxon Reef?
Bomber: What?
Charge: What if they were diving up in Palau Reef? What if Herry Edwards created a fake search area to the north, so he could find 2Dads by himself? That's why he didn't go back to port!
Bomber: And what about that poor girl's leg?
Charge: They planted it!
Bomber: Why?
Charge: I don't know why! I am going to take a look.
Blue Edge 2: Coast Watch, this is Blue Edge 2. We're not far from Sudbury, going to take a look. Over.
Coast Watch: Copy that, Blue Edge 2. Thanks for the assistance. Over and out.
Bomber: No Way!
Charge: You steer the ship, I'll take care of the engines.
(Charge and 2Dads walking on the docks. Charge is apologising to 2Dads for walking out on him at the last minute in their scuba diving trip where 2Dads almost died.)
Charge: If there is anything else I can do. If you ever wanna go on another dive trip, I will do it. I will make myself do it.
2Dads: I don't think I'm gonna be doing that for a while. There is one thing I've always wanted to do.
Charge: What is it?
2Dads: Just haven't found anyone to do it with.
Charge: Hey, I'm there. I'm your guy. Name it.
2Dads: Skydiving.
(2Dads walk away. Speechless, Charge looks up as if already dreading should it happen.)
Rumble in the Jungle (4.12, 051)
Soft Target (4.13, 052)
Live Catch (4.14, 053)
(Bomber and Kate in the galley, Bomber mad at Kate)
Bomber drops plate in front of Kate
Kate: Is that attitude, Bomber?
Bomber: No Ma'am, it's chicken.
Kate See me in the ship's office when you're done here.
Season Five (2011)
The Third Man (5.01, 056)
Eye for an Eye (5.02, 057)
Crimes of Passion (5.03, 058)
Spoils of War (5.04, 059)
Dead Zone (5.05, 060)
The Stinger (5.06, 061)
(Swain and Bird looking worriedly at a bite mark on 2Dads' leg)
Swain: These aren't mozzie bites, mate.
2Dads: They're not? What are they?
Swain: They're probe marks.
2Dads What?
Swain: Does it hurt to sit down?
(Now Swain is smirking while asking the question)
Swain: Did they go rectal?
(Swain and Bird started laughing at 2Dads.)
2Dads: You know if my head wasn't about to explode, I'll tell you where to stick yours.
(RO passes by, turns back and leans into the room.)
RO: 2Dads, there's a call for you.
2Dads From who?
RO: ET. He wants you to phone home. (RO looks pointedly at Swain and Bird and leave.)
(Swain and Bird laughs harder at RO's statement.)
Black Flights (5.07, 062)
Lifeline (5.08, 063)
Dead Sea (5.09, 064)
The Hunted (5.10, 065)
(Bird and Dutchy at the wardroom, after Bird saved him, RO and 2Dads from 2 hunters.)
Dutchy: How are you doing?
Bird: Better than you, by the look of things.
Dutchy: Looks can be deceiving.
(Bird looks down, contemplating.)
Dutchy: Bird, the only reason we are still alive is because you didn't follow my instructions when I told you to run and hide.
Bird: I wanted to.
Dutchy: Which makes what you did all the more brave.
Bird: Brave? Dutchy, I have never been so scared.
Dutchy: Me neither. I'm very proud of you, Bird. You're a damn good sailor. The navy is lucky to have you.
(Bird contemplates what Dutchy said for a while.)
Bird: I still hate guns.
(Dutchy gives Bird a small smile before she leave the room.)