Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987) is an American television series that aired from October 3, 1983, to May 28, 1987 on CBS. Divorced housewife Amanda King and handsome spy Lee Stetson meet under unusual and desperate circumstances. Soon finding they need each other in cases that are a matter of life and death, they embark on a journey where Amanda finds her true talent as a black belt confuser and Lee learns stuff they don't teach you at the Agency.
The First Time [1.01]Edit
- Lee: Just walk with me.
- Amanda: I certainly will not!
- Amanda: I don't want to buy a ticket. Do you know what I have on under this coat? A nightgown! [All the men on the train look up at her.] Do you think I expected to be on this train?
- Conductor: Where did you expect to be?
- Amanda: Phillip, do not hit your brother in the head with trash!
There Goes The Neighborhood [1.02]Edit
- Francine: Billy! It was after six o'clock. Bumpy Holcomb would already be in the yacht by that time, halfway through his soup course.
- Lee (laughing): Bumpy? [Francine turns to look at him, but actually avoids his eyes.]
- Francine: To his more intimate friends, yes. [She looks back at Billy, pleased. But at Lee's next line, her smile fades. She cocks her head and gets a faraway look in her eyes.]
- Lee: I'll never know what you see in that guy. He's hardly your type.
- Francine: He's got money, looks, power, a house down in Rio. He's exactly my type.
- Francine: Children. This case is nastier than I thought.
If Thoughts Could Kill [1.03]Edit
- Lee: Uh-huh. And noises. Uh, squeaks, thumps. . . . Maybe it's a jungle. It's hot, steamy.
- Amanda: Probably sexual. Freud would say.
- Lee: Francine, if you could pinpoint the single major reason as to why Amanda King gets to you, what would it be?
- Francine: Her complete lack of . . . everything.
Magic Bus [1.04]Edit
- Amanda: When I told you not to call, I didn't mean you could come sit in my bushes!
- Amanda: The weasel-faced man! Are we gonna smoke him out?
- Emma: That Shecky Martino, the one that does all those jokes about the commode? He's a particular thorn in Gordon's side.
- Amanda: You know, that thing he does with the rubber chicken is pretty funny, though.
The ACM Kid [1.05]Edit
- Amanda: I can only assume this is you. Possibly because you're the only man I know who doesn't say hello, doesn't ask how I am.
- Lee: Yes, Amanda. Danger, excitement. Intrigue.
- Amanda: Oh, shut up.
Always Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth [1.06]Edit
- Francine: I could have married royalty. A prince proposed to me once.
- Billy: Why didn't you accept?
- Francine: His country was too small.
- Billy: Be nice.
- Francine: When am I anything but?
- Penelope: Oh-hoh!
- Amanda: This is not an oh-hoh.
- Penelope: Oh.
- Amanda: Uh-uh. No, no. No. I don't know what that man wants.
- Penelope: No?
- Amanda: No!
- Amanda: That was a very subtle performance you gave at the window. She thinks we're having an oh-hoh-hoh-hoh!
Service Above And Beyond [1.07]Edit
- Billy: Who knows? Maybe he finds Amanda exotic and mysterious. [Lee peers at him out of the corner of his eye.] Think about it. [Lee stares at him, then sighs and closes his eyes.]
- Lee: Amanda. Exotic . . . mysterious. . . .
- Amanda: How'd you get me out of there?
- Lee: I carried you.
- Amanda: He carried me.
Saved By The Bells [1.08]Edit
- Amanda:Is it legal in this state to grow penicillin?
- Amanda: I don't know how anyone could mistake me for you, you're so much taller.
- Francine: Uh, I really have to be going, could I take a raincheck on that strudel?
- Dotty: Oh. All right. Be careful with that chimpanzee!
Sudden Death [1.09]Edit
- Amanda: MMPH! Mmph! Mmph? Mmmmmm. . . .
- Lee: I hope you, uh, got all you came for, Mrs. King. (He winks.) Interview-wise, that is.
- Amanda: I can't believe I spent the night in a bookie joint in a straitjacket and my mother will never believe it.
- Lee: Amanda, believe me, we have worse problems than your mother thinking you were shacked up.
The Long Christmas Eve [1.10]Edit
- Lee: Now, don't be nasty, Francine, huh?
- Francine: I wouldn't dream of it.
- Amanda: Oh, that's all right. Look, how often does a suburban lady like me get to drink vodka with the KGB and eat beans on Christmas.
Remembrance Of Things Past [1.11]Edit
- Amanda: Yes. I mean, I know I can't punch, but look, if anybody tried to attack you, I could confuse them to death. You know I can do that.
- Lee: Oh, that I do. And believe me, when I need a blackbelt confuser, I will call you.
- Lee: Look, Amanda, no one I know would ever look for me here and everyone you know is out of town. So if you could just get past the psychological barrier of having me around, everything would be great! So where do you want me to put my things? Hmm? [He walks away. Amanda stands there.]
- Amanda: Guatemala.
Lost And Found [1.12]Edit
- Dotty: Well, Amanda, I knew it would happen.
- Amanda: What?
- Dotty: My hula skirt rotted.
- Amanda: I'm sorry, Mother.
- Dotty: I have nothing now to show for my one and only trip to Hawaii. I wish your father had not dropped the camera out of the war canoe.
- Dotty: Ah. Well, your poppyseed cake is your Sistine Chapel, Amanda, no one can top it.
I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been... A Spy [1.13]Edit
- Amanda: You're a spy!
- Lee: Guess what.
- Amanda: What?
- Lee: You are, too.'
- Amanda: Oh, my gosh!
- Lee: Billy, her brain has gone . . . blooey, zippo, casa de nada.
Dead Ringer [1.14]Edit
- Amanda: Mother, what is Dengue fever?
- Dotty: [Dotty closes the door to the fridge and whirls around with the grapefruit in hand, her eyes wide.] Oh, my God. Is that going around? I thought I was just getting a little head cold.
- Amanda: How did you find us?
- Lee: Well, I saw somebody try to drive a station wagon through a swamp.
The Mole [1.15]Edit
- Jamie: Hurry up, Phillip bats clean-up.
- Dotty: Clean-up. They have you batting according to cleanliness and neatness. It's nice.
- Blue Leader: Scarecrow, this is Blue Leader.
- Lee: Yes, sir.
- Amanda: Where? Where is Blue Leader?
- Lee: Shh.
- Amanda: Um, Rosemary? Not Rosemary. Sounds like Rosemary. Mrs. Marsten, could you give me a little hint? No, of course you couldn't. Um. . . . Rosebud! Rosebud. Rosebud, of course.
- Mrs. Marsten: Have a nice day, Mrs. King.
- Billy: Yeah. Poor Fred. What about you, Amanda? When did you actually find out about the bomb?
- Amanda: Oh. [She laughs nervously. Lee straightens and looks at her out of the corner of his eye.] Just before it didn't go off.
The Artful Dodger [1.17]Edit
- Francine: Ooh, Amanda, dear, is that why you're busy tonight? Very busy, apparently, hmm?
- Lee: Amanda, do you know what that is?
- 'Amanda: Yes, it's a, um, it's a friendship ring.
- Lee: No, it's a Concubine ring.
- Amanda: No, it isn't, it's a friendship ring.
- Lee: It's a Concubine ring, there's a whole collection of them in the Topkapi Museum, I know that for a fact.
- Amanda: Yes, I know that, I know that. I know that. It's a friendship ring. It was given to me by a friend, and therefore it is . . . simply . . . a friendship ring.
- Francine: Okay. Sure. Friendship.
- Amanda: Would you like a straw?
- Lee: Uh, no. No, a straw wouldn't look right with soup.
Filming Raul [1.18]Edit
- Francine: It's funny, I never knew that coat made me look so --
- Amanda: Big. Oh, it doesn't.
- Lee: Hey, come on, Amanda, look. You're going to be all right. You're protected by the best there is in the business.
- Amanda: I don't want the best there is, I want you.
- Lee: Oh.
- Amanda: I'm sorry, that didn't come out the way that I meant it.
- Lee: Oh, thanks a lot.
Fearless Dotty [1.19]Edit
- Amanda: What did you do?
- Francine: Oh, I spiked his instep with my heel, thumbed his eyesockets, pressed my forearm against his larynx, and then brought up my knee in a lifting motion.
- Amanda: I just screamed.
- Francine: Hm. So did he.
- Dotty: You can't be too cavalier about knees and elbows. They are very tricky propositions.
- Dotty: Am I dry yet?
Waiting For Godorsky [1.21]Edit
To Catch A Mongoose [2.01]Edit
- Amanda: Oh, thank heavens -- you're okay!
- Lee: I will be when you get off my arm.
The Times They Are a Changin' [2.02]Edit
Double Agent [2.03]Edit
The Legend of Das Geisterschloss [2.04]Edit
Charity Begins at Home [2.05]Edit
Brunettes Are In [2.06]Edit
Our Man in Tegernsee [2.07]Edit
An Affair at Bromfield Hall [2.08]Edit
A Class Act [2.09]Edit
Playing Possum [2.10]Edit
The Three Faces of Emily [2.11]Edit
Ship of Spies [2.12]Edit
A Little Sex, a Little Scandal [2.14]Edit
A Relative Situation [2.15]Edit
Life of the Party [2.16]Edit
Odds on a Dead Pigeon [2.17]Edit
Car Wars [2.18]Edit
D.O.A.: Delirious on Arrival [2.19]Edit
You Only Die Twice [2.20]Edit
Burn Out [2.21]Edit
Murder Between Friends [2.22]Edit
Vigilante Mothers [2.23]Edit
A Lovely Little Affair [3.01]Edit
- Faber: Just a minute, Mr. Stetson. There's a little matter of ladies underwear.
- Lee: Look, lady, a good friend of mine is rubbing elbows with some of the most blood thirsty terrorists in the world, and she doesn't know it. I'll have to get back to you on that underwear problem...
We're Off to See the Wizard [3.02]Edit
Over the Limit [3.03]Edit
Tail of the Dancing Weasel [3.04]Edit
Welcome to America, Mr. Brand [3.05]Edit
Sour Grapes [3.06]Edit
Utopia Now [3.07]Edit
Reach for the Sky [3.08]Edit
J. Edgar's Ghost [3.09]Edit
Flight to Freedom [3.10]Edit
The Wrong Way Home [3.11]Edit
Fast Food for Thought [3.12]Edit
One Bear Dances, One Bear Doesn't [3.13]Edit
Playing for Keeps [3.14]Edit
The Pharoah's Engineer [3.15]Edit
The Truimvirate [3.16]Edit
The Eyes Have It [3.17]Edit
Wrong Number [3.18]Edit
The Boy Who Could Be King [3.19]Edit
Dead Men Leave No Trails [3.20]Edit
Three Little Spies [3.21]Edit
All the World's a Stage [3.22]Edit
Stemwinder 1 [4.01]Edit
- Francine: I thought Dr. Smyth was going to get off his rump for once and stop it.
- Dr. Smyth: I got off my rump. Fat lot of good it did. Hi, guys...
- Dr. Smyth: Sweat the housewife... and bring me Stetson's beating heart. Kay?
- Dr. Smyth: Hot confetti!
Stemwinder 2 [4.02]Edit
- Lee: I'm American... I like ice.
Unfinished Business [4.03]Edit
No Thanks for the Memory [4.04]Edit
It's in the Water [4.05]Edit
Night Crawler [4.06]Edit
Billy's Lost Weekend [4.07]Edit
Photo Finish [4.08]Edit
The Man Who Died Twice [4.09]Edit
Need to Know [4.10]Edit
Santa's Got a Brand New Bag [4.11]Edit
Any Number Can Play [4.12]Edit
Promises to Keep [4.13]Edit
Rumors of My Death [4.14]Edit
Bad Timing [4.15]Edit
Do You Take This Spy? [4.16]Edit
Mission of Gold [4.17]Edit
One Flew East [4.18]Edit
All That Glitters [4.19]Edit
Suitable for Framing [4.20]Edit
A Matter of Choice [4.21]Edit
The Khrushchev List [4.22]Edit
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