Norbit is a 2007 slapstick romantic comedy film, directed by Brian Robbins and starring its co-writer, Eddie Murphy, in three leading roles. Reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The film was nominated for 8 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture, and won 3 awards all for Eddie Murphy as 3 different characters: Norbit, Rasputia, and Mr. Wong.
- "I didn't touch your seat".
- "No, that just my... my wife".
- "No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts".
- "Rasputia, I know we're a little nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling. In sweet time. Yes... [Rasputia leans into the doorway wearing lengerie] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed in the process] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
- "Happy president's day! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit and we see the bed is propped up with cinderblocks. Rasputia and Norbit both bounce up off the bed and come down again] God bless America!
- "Damn it, Norbit! How many times do I have to tell you, don't be messing with my car seat"?!
- "Bitch, that's MY Wine Cooler."
- "How YOU doin'!"
- "I'ma show you how a bitch go down a slide."
- "It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh?"
- "That's what your stupid black ass get! I hope you broke your ass!"
- "KATE, BITCH!!"
- "Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit".
- "[After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty!"
- "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice."
- "I just don't trust you anymore".
- "Norbit, what are you doing?!"
- "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here..."
- "Norbit, where you go?! Why you run like little bitch?!"
- "[After cutting the head of a duck, that Norbit had, and throws its head to Norbit] Play with that."
- "Whale, ho!"
- "Just like old times. Maybe you two should go and make poop together."
- "Bingo! Right in the blowhole!"
- Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!!
- Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning?
- Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?!
- Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters.
- Rasputia: Raging Waters?
- Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!
- Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!!
- Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!!
- Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
- Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice!
- Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit...
- Rasputia: Who the hell are you?
- Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate.
- Kate: Nice to meet you!
- Rasputia: Hello.
- Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage.
- Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?"
- Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why?
- Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of-
- Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!!
- Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
- Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!
- Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...?
- Lloyd the Dog: Kill the bitch!
- Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say?
- Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice the bitch!
- Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'.
- Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING! I was known all over the neighborhood for my humpin'!
- Norbit: I can't kill 'er.
- Lloyd the Dog: Sure you can.
- Norbit: No. No I can't.
- Lloyd the Dog: Pleeeeease?!
[Rasputia opens the door and walks out of the house]
- Rasputia: What is this, Norbit?
- Lloyd the Dog: I wish I was a doberman! I would chew her ass UP!
[Norbit gets up]
- Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art?
- Rasputia: Mm-mm.
[Rasputia takes out a container of acid]
- Rasputia: What's this?
- Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry.
- Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the bitch again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er.
[Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate]
- Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit?
[Scared, Norbit nods his head]
- Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here!
[Kate walks over to Norbit]
- Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night?
- Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits.
- Kate: No, that's not all.
- [Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window]
- Kate: Norbit.
- Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here!
- Kate: What?!
- [Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate]
- Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram!
- Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit!
- Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't!
- Kate: Y y-- you don't care?
- Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either!
- Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit!
- Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad]
- Kate: B b bu-- but last night--
- Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA!
- [Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation]
- Norbit: She is all the woman *I* need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?!
- Deion Hughes: [screaming] THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music!
- Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on...
- Deion Hughes: [cuts Pope off] Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
- [The ceremony resumes]
- Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
- Norbit: I object!
- [congregation gasps and murmurs]
- Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!
- Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.
- Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!
- Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!
- Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!
- Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
- Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?
- Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
- Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?
- Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!
- Rasputia: [laughs when Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story on Deion, a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!
- Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!
- [Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]
- Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.
- Children: Daddy!
- Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!
- Rasputia: Who is that ho?
- Ex-Wife #3: Luther? he told me he was gay!
- Deion Hughes: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.
- Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger!
- Deion Hughes: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!
- Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro.
- Lord Have Mercy: Church!