Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide

Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide is a Nickelodeon comedy series. A boy named Ned gives school survival tips to people in his middle school.

Season 1Edit


Guide to: First Day & LockersEdit

Ned: It's the first day of school and it could if we totally frightening. But the key will survive and says that when you're ready. Or not.

Loomer: Hey, it's Cocoanut-Head. Hahaha.
Coconut-Head: Hey Loomer!

Ned: Having a friend, half man, half machine, does have its advantages.

Ned and Moze: Take off that coat!

Cookie: Chicks dig the fluffy coat.

Timmy Toot-Toot: Toot toot
Ned:Oh man you stank it up Toot-Toot!

Guide to: Detention & TeachersEdit

Ned: Okay... {turns directly towards the audience} tips for detention. The teacher is your best friend.

Ned: Let's just say, Cookie took care of them.
Cookie: (suavely) I told you I was bad... de HELlooooo i like a sombooooooooodieee

Students: [to Moze, after she tried to help the Student Teacher] Teacher's pet, teacher's pet, teacher's pet!
Moze: I am not a teacher's pet.
Girl sitting behind Moze: She's right. She is a Student teacher's pet.
Students: Student teacher's pet, Student teacher's pet, Student teacher's pet!

Guide to: Best FriendsEdit

Cookie" (as a temporary Killer Bee): Don't give me that look, I was B-U-S-Y.
Ned: Don't spell at me, I hate it when you spell at me. It is your turn to wash the baby. So wash it!
Cookie (as a temporary Killer Bee): Why don't you get your new best buddy Seth to wash the baby! Oh Seth, party at my house great. Love ya, Bye.
Ned: New tip for the guide, who needs you anyway?

Van Earl Wright: [Cookie and Ned are fighting (which is nothing more than just bad-mouthing each other and making poses)] I don't think these kids could even beat up a third-grader.

Season 2Edit

Guide to: ExcusesEdit

Ned: And make your excuses realistic, because no one is gonna believe that a dog ate your homework. [a dog runs by and snatches Ned's homework] A dog ate my homework!

Guide to: UpperclassmenEdit

Palmer Noid: I like you.
Ned: Please don't!

Guide to: NotebooksEdit

Cookie: When are you going to steal the golden notebook?
Ned: Not steal, borrow it without asking!

Sweeney: Bigby. I noticed you aren't doing well in my class.
Ned: That's not true. I haven't been doing well in any class.

Gordy: Aren't you forgetting something?
Ned: Like a duplicate notebook so Sweeney won't know the real one is missing?
Gordy: No. [pulls out candy apples] Caramel covered apples with nuts to celebrate a job well done.

Guide to: Double Dating and The Last DayEdit

Suzie: Hey, let's hit Brazil for music, and dancing, and...
[Suzie grabs Ned's hand, and looks and smiles at him. Ned does the same until his stomach acts up, which surprises Jennifer, Suzie and Jock]
Ned: I'll meet you guys there.
[Ned runs to the bathroom, and goes into the girl's bathroom. Girls scream]
Ned: Oh come on!
[Ned runs into the boy's bathroom, where he has diarrhea.]
Suzie: Hey, Ned! I've been waiting for you...
[Suzie puckers her lips and leans in to kiss Ned. Ned's stomach acts up again, Ned blocks Suzie's kiss with his hand]
Ned: You're going to have to wait a little longer...
[Ned runs to the bathroom, leaving Suzie shocked]
Moze: (runs to the bathroom) Do not go in there!
Cookie: I'm dead, How am I going to dance with Vanessa and Lisa at the same time?
Moze: Wait for a merengue song, keep spinning, and hope for the best.
Ned: Where's Suzie?
Moze: She's with Jock.
Ned: No! She's supposed to be with me, to kiss!
[Ned farts and poops in the bathroom]
Ned: (groans)
Moze: That's it! I'm calling for help!
[Moze dials and calls for help]

Cookie: I can't wait till next year it's the eighth grade and who knows what could happen.

(the end of the second season)

Season 3Edit

Guide to: A New GradeEdit

iTeacher: [introducing herself to the class] Have you ever heard of home-schooling? Well, I'm home-teaching. Don't ask why, it's none of your business!

Ned and Cookie: [after Moze unplugs iTeacher's computer in a bout of frustration] That wasn't very nice.
Moze: [to Ned] Well, you're too tough.
Ned: Not anymore. From now on, it's super nice, non-bully, Ned Bigby.


Guide to: PrincipalsEdit

Ned: If he breaks his neck, he'll be in the hospital! Not in the principal's office!
Cookie: Not one of your best plans.
Gordy: Yeah, especially considering we're on the second floor.

Guide to: DismissalEdit

Evelyn: [after kissing Cookie] Ugh! You make me sick! [slaps him, leaving him with a confused, awestruck expression]

Gordy: Oh, and you have 10 seconds to catch the bus. RUN, BOY! [screams] RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guide to: Social StudiesEdit

Evelyn: That's it, I QUIT! I'd rather get an F than work with you, Cook!

Guide to: GirlsEdit

Loomer: How do you know about engines? You're a girl.
Simone: I rebuilt a V-6 with my dad last year. Floored the heads and gave it 30 more horsepower. See ya.

Simone: Take the pistons and the points. See ya.

Amy: I like kissing boys.
[Amy kisses Ned]

Guide to: Friends MovingEdit

Evelyn: You see since I actally never trust people but I reseached it. Cookie's house is not for sale. They're no coconut factories in Hawaii, then I called his dad and he says Simon is in big trouble.

Guide to: The LibraryEdit

Librarian: Not according to my records!

Gordy: Let's go to chapter 5, Torture!
Ned: Nah let's start from the beginning.

Guide to: Making New FriendsEdit

Moze: So how did it go with Faymen?
Ned: Something tells me he dosen't like me. Actually, it was him.
Moze: You just have to get to know each other, find out what you guys have in common. You both read. There's something. And I like him, and it's important that my best friend likes him.
Ned: Fine.
Moze: And got a little treat for you.
Ned: 75 dollars to super nail salon and day spa?
Moze: My aunt gave it to me and it expires today. We can get manicures, get our faces scrubbed.
Ned: EHHH!
Moze: Guys get manicures all the time.
Ned: Then ask Faymen.
Moze: He's got a big soccer practice tonight. Did you know he's like some big soccer prodigy in Brazil?
Ned: Then I suggest you ask a girl.
Moze: Of Course. I'll just ask...[crickets chirping] You know, I'm just gonna pick up the phone and call...[owl hooting] I'm the captain of the volleyball team. I'll just get one of my friends on the team to go.
[High-pitched scream]
Cookie: My Pen! My Lucky Pen's gone! GG-GG! I ACED 5 tests with that pen and now I'M GONNA FLUNK and be a flunky.
[ringing bells]
Moze: OK. Let's split up. Cooke, you stay here, look for your stupid pen! Ned, you go to study hall, make friends with Faymen. :Ned: AAH!
Moze: I'll go to practice and find a girl to go to the spa with.

Missy: I'm popular and pretty. GO OUT WITH ME.
Faymen: My fart belongs to Jennifer.
Missy: What? Your WHAT?!
Faymen: My fart!
Ned: HE MEANS HEART!!!

Guide to: FundraisingEdit

Gordy: Caaaarbaaaash! Yeah, you hold a car bash! You get an old junky car, and then you charge kids a buck to bash it in with a sledge hammer! We did it in college, we raised over three hundred dollars!.

Guide to: PartiesEdit

Seth: (they back him off for an alert) Sorry Cookie, but my parents banned you because of what happened last year.
Cookie: What, What did I do?
(flash back)
Cookie: So I almost burned down the house. It wasn't my fault, It's the song that should be banned and not me.
Seth: Yeah sorry, but speaking of fire, did you see Lisa? She is hot. (Cookie says nothing) Laters!
Cookie: But.....[he walks out]

Simone: How dare you!
[Simone slaps Seth's face]
Seth: What did I do?
Simone: How dare you not remember what you did!
[Simone slaps Seth's face again]
Seth: Who are you?!
Simone: How dare you not remember who I am! [Simone slaps his face and he falls down] Stay away from him!

Moze: How did Missy get you to ask her to Seth's party?
Ned: Well...
(flashback)
Ned: She wore me down. But anyway, I need to move on from [sees Suzie] SUZIE CRABGRASS?!
Seth: Yeah, I invited Suzie and she came. (turns to Ned) I bet you're feeling pretty conflicted right now. Anyway, laters.

Guide to: JealousyEdit

Seth: Hey! Jennifer is my girl bucko!

Seth: [after fighting with Faymen for Jennifer's honor] We're really tired from girl honor fighting.

Moze: STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN SISTER! (tackles Missy)

Guide to: Field Trips, Permission Slips, Signs & WeaselsEdit

Moze: [about Ned taking the heat for her] He saved me!

Moze: Oh, don't tell me you're the freak in the bird suit I heard about.
Cookie: I have a plan.
Moze: [sighs]

Crubbs: [to Coconut Head] You were needing to go to the bathroom in the "Electrical Closet". All right, I buy that, for now! But my Bigby senses are still tingling.

Van Earl Wright: Hello, Everybody. Along with my partner Willie Gault, I'm Van Earl Wright welcoming you to Ned's Field Trip. Willie, What do you think about the trip so far?
Willie: Ha, Ha! Well, I think Ned's in deep, deep doody.
Van Earl: Right! Because if he gets caught by a Vice Principal Crubbs, it's summer school and a whole pile of bad stuff. Now more importantly, what do you think about the Suzie/Moze dilemma?
Willie: Well, I like Moze better than Suzie. I think she's a much better match for Ned, but he's gonna have to figure it out on his own.
Van Earl: All right. Let's get back to the show to see if Ned ends up with Suzie, Jennifer Mozely, or CRUBBS!

Moze: What does Suzie have that I don't have?
Cookie: Ned.

Ned: So, maybe we should go out. You know, boyfriend-girlfriend, more than friends?
Moze: (as the two hold hands) Holding hands, talking all night, heart-shaped candies on Valentine's Day?
Ned: I'm ready if you are.
Moze: Bring it on.
[The two share a romantic kiss]
Ned and Moze: Best field trip ever.

Cookie: (walks in on Ned and Moze) Was I interrupting something?
Ned and Moze(in unison): We're going out now!
Cookie: Cool!

Cookie:What do girls like most in a guy?
Moze: Honesty, a sense of humor...
Cookie: No, superhero. Lois Lane likes Superman. Mary Jane likes Spider-Man. And Lisa will love...[reveals symbol on inside of shirt] The Steel Eagle! The Steal Eagle fights for justice, protects the class on field trips, and will impress Lisa so much she'll get pizza with me and we'll live happily ever after.
Moze: Or, this is a sign that you have finally lost your mind.

Ned: So, Looks like Gordy's done chasing weasels.
Cookie: I got my pizza date with Lisa and I'm going to meet her now.
Moze: And now that Ned and I are going out [Ned puts his arm around her], we'll join ya.
Ned: And we all lived happily ever after.
[The end of the series to End Credits]

CastEdit

External LinksEdit

Last modified on 13 April 2014, at 21:44