Jim Henson's Muppet Babies is an animated television series that aired from 1984 to 1991 on the CBS Television Network.
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Raiders of the Lost Muppet [1.04]Edit
- Gonzo: Let's synchronize our watches.
- Scooter: We don't have any watches.
- Gonzo: That's okay, I don't know what synchronize means anyway.
- Fozzie: This fantasy is rated PG. We're under age.
- Skeeter: Rowlf can pick up the scent.
- Rowlf: I didn't know anybody dropped it.
Close Encounters of the Frog Kind [1.09]Edit
- Kermit: They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.
- Piggy: [reading to Robin] Once there was a little green tadpole and he got chased down a tadpole hole.
- Gonzo: Hey, Piggy, don't you mean a little rabbit that got chased down a rabbit hole?
- Piggy: I say it's a little green tadpole that got chased down a tadpole hole and unless you want to get shoved into a weirdo hole you'd better keep quiet!
- Kermit: I never asked to be an uncle.
- Skeeter: No one asks to be an uncle. Your big sister has babies, that makes you their aunt or uncle and them your niece or nephew.
- Kermit: Oh, well that's different.
Gonzo's Video Show [1.10]Edit
- Gonzo: [trying to adjust video camera] Hey, stay in focus. You're fuzzy.
- Fozzie: No way, Gonzo. I'm not Fuzzy, I'm Fozzie.
- [The Muppets are making a movie; Gonzo is directing.]
- Piggy: Personally, I want to be a producer.
- Kermit: Gee, what do producers do, Piggy?
- Piggy: They fire directors.
- [after the Muppets decide to make a Star Wars movie]
- Fozzie: Oh, I know who I can play! [grabs two belts] I could play Whewbacca the Cookie!
- Kermit: Um, that's Chewbacca the Wookie, Fozzie.
- Fozzie: That's what I said, Cuchacca the Bookie.
Fozzie's Last Laugh [2.03]Edit
- Piggy: Scooter, if you had ten hot dogs and Skeeter took three of them, what would you have?
- Fozzie: He'd have a tummy ache. Get it? Ha ha. Wokka wokka wokka.
- Piggy: If you have to tell jokes then tell them to the wall.
- Fozzie: Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka.
- Fozzie: What's the difference between an orange?
- Nanny: Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke.
- Fozzie: It *is* finished. *That's* the joke.
The Muppet Museum of Art [2.11]Edit
- Fozzie: How do you like my painting? I call it "Still-Life With Tomatoes."
- [Scooter retches]
- Rowlf: I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.
When you Wish Upon a Muppet [2.13]Edit
- Piggy: I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married.
- Kermit: I don't wanna waste a wish.
- Piggy: WHAT?
- Kermit: Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.
- [In a Cinderella parody]
- Piggy: [answering the door] Who is it? You never know when the Big Bad Wolf might turn up.
Muppets in Toyland [3.04]Edit
- Fozzie: [Hops on toy motorcycle but it will not go] Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.
The Muppet Broadcasting Company [3.05]Edit
- [After the power to the nursery is lost]
- Gonzo: Come on, let's set up the dominos again.
- Skeeter: But we won't be able to see them.
- Fozzie: That's okay. We didn't see them the first time either.
- Others: Fozzie!
- Fozzie: Sorry.
- "Fozzie Burns": Tell me Animal Allen, what do you call a grape fish with jelly on it?
- "Animal Allen": Dinner! [Laughs hysterically]
- [Audience laughs]
- "Fozzie Burns": No no, that's not right! You call a grape fish with jelly on it a Grape Jellyfish! Wokka wokka wokka!
- [Audience boos and throws tomatoes]
- "Fozzie Burns": Wait wait! I got a better one! Tell me Animal Allen, what do you call a kangaroo in Scotland?
- "Animal Allen": Dinner! [Laughs hysterically and falls off chair]
- [Audience laughs]
- "Fozzie Burns": No no, that's not right! You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka.
- [Audience boos again and Fozzie gets hit with tomatoes]
- "Fozzie Burns": Gee, it's a good thing the audience at home can't throw tomatoes at me.
- [Home listeners throw tomatoes from their homes right into the theater at Fozzie]
- "Fozzie Burns": Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that isn't funny?
- "Animal Allen": Fozzie! [Laughs again]
- [Audience laughs]
- "Fozzie Burns": [Dejectedly] Say goodnight, Animal.
- Beaker: Meep, meep meep meep.
- Bunsen: How am I going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.
Kermit Goes to Washington [3.06]Edit
- Scooter: Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address.
- Kermit: Um, what is the Gettysburg address?
- Statue of Abe Lincoln: Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.
- Scooter: When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress.
- Fozzie: Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.
The Daily Muppet [3.08]Edit
- Kermit is dreaming he is resting on a lilypad in a pond. Suddenly he is abuducted by a submarine full of frogs like him wearing his sailor outfit
- Frog Sailor: Enemy sighted, Captain!
- Captain: You are just what we need for our submarine!
- Kermit salutes
- Kermit: I will do my best, Captain.
- Captain: Oh, we do not need another sailor. We need a torpedo!
- Two frog sailors load Kermit into the torpedo tube, which then jars him awake from his nightmare
Scooter's Uncommon Cold [3.09]Edit
- Fozzie: That way, we can go inside Scooter and help him fight off his Germans.
- Skeeter: That's "germs," silly.
- Fozzie: That's what I said.
- Rowlf: Whatcha lookin’ for, Kermit?
- Kermit: This, we can use it like a road map.
- Rowlf: Yeah, but how will we get around once we’re inside Scooter’s body?
- Animal: Me know, me know, wawawawawawa.
- Kermit: Quick, follow Animal.
- Fozzie: Animal, where are you?
- Kermit: He disappeared.
- Animal: Submarine, wawawawawawa.
- Kermit: That’s perfect, Animal, this’ll work great, come on, let’s go.
- Piggy: Hey, where do we get into Scooter’s body when we’re tiny?
- Gonzo: There’s only 1 place that I know, his bellybutton.
- All 5 Muppet Babies Characters: Huh?
- Skeeter: Are you sure, Gonzo?
- Gonzo: Of course.
- Scooter: (Chuckling) Hey, that’s cold. (Sneezes again)
- Kermit: Okay, guys, let’s do it.
- Kermit: Okay, here we go.
Of Mice and Muppets [3.15]Edit
- [In a Pied Piper parody]
- Piggy: Once upon a time, there was a little town called Hamster.
- Skeeter: I have heard this one. The town is named Hamlin, not Hamster!
- Piggy: This is my story and the town is Hamster! Anyway, it was ruled by a nice mayor who gave all the kids hamsters.
- Fozzie: Hamsters, get your free hamsters!
- Kermit: Piggy, they are rats. Besides, in the original story, the mayor is supposed to be the bad guy.
- Piggy: Eek, rats! No, my story has a kind mayor and hamsters! Anyway, there were so many hamsters they needed someone to cajole them out. Along came the Pied Piano Player!
- Rowlf is hauling a grand piano
- Rowlf: UGGG! Sure wish I had learned how to play the flute!
Where No Muppet Has Gone Before [4.04]Edit
- Fozzie: Gravity. Isn't that what we put on mashed potatoes?
- Bunsen: That's gravity, not gravy Fozzie.
- Fozzie: Oh, I knew that.
Journey to the Center of the Nursery [4.05]Edit
- Fozzie: This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter, traffic jam?
- All: We got it.
- Gonzo: We love working in salt mines, right guys?
- All: Gonzo!
- Fozzie: Yeah we don't even mind pepper.
- All: Fozzie!
This Little Piggy went to Hollywood [4.06]Edit
- Fozzie: Don't worry Piggy, I'm a professional - OOPS! [drops his cue cards]
- Piggy: You're a professional oops all right.
My Muppet Valentine [4.07]Edit
- Scooter: What happened, Fozzie?
- Fozzie: Rowlf went into the closet to think about my joke. He'll probably come out when he thinks it's funny.
- Skeeter: Boy, we'll never see him again.
- Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?
- Fozzie: Hey, Rowlf, wanna hear a funny joke?
- Rowlf: No thanks, Fozzie.
- Fozzie: Okay here it goes: what food do you eat with your mouth open? Give up? *See* food. Get it? Wokka, wokka, wokka.
Adventures in Muppet-Sitting [4.15]Edit
- Piggy: I've always wanted to be a baby sitter!
- Fozzie: Me too! Who gets to sit on him first?
- [In a Red Riding Hood parody]
- Gonzo: Grandma bought some swampland in the Dagobah system.
- Fozzie: This looks like a joke I once told.
- Rowlf: You can't see a joke, Fozzie.
- Fozzie: You can once you get hit with tomatoes.
- Kermit: That book is 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
- Fozzie: Gee, a story about an under water bowling team?
- Gonzo: Maybe my brain isn't working right.
- Rowlf: Your brain's never worked right, Gonzo.
- Gonzo: Oh yeah, I forgot.
- Kermit: Hey, did you guys see what I heard?
- Miles: We gotta take five.
- Fozzie: Five? Why can't we all go?
- Fozzie: [Looking at ancient statues resembling Gonzo] These guys do kinda look like Gonzo's brothers.
- Piggy: You can say that again.
- Fozzie: Okay, these guys do kinda look like Gonzo's bro...
- Piggy: Don't push it, Fozzie.
- In a fantasy where Kermit is a 1920s detective akin to Sam Spade
- Piggy: Oh Kermit. You saved me and my millions. How can I ever repay you?
- Kermit: Um, well about two bucks for gas oughta cover it.
- Piggy: WHAT?
- Kermit: On second thought, let's just call it even, keep the money.
- Fozzie: We all have a lullaby.
- Kermit: I think you mean alibi.
- Fozzie: That's what I said, lullaby.
- Gonzo: Awww, Piggy called me a nerd. Next I'll be the nerd of her dreams.
- Gonzo: Weird is my middle name.
- The Babies are on another planet in the court of a female despot, but they think they are at a rocket dealership. Live action from Flash Gordon is used
- Piggy: Are you sure we are at a place to buy rockets?
- One of the Queen's soldiers is shown
- Fozzie: Sure, check out that man, he looks like a rocket salesman.
- Soldier: Her Majesty, the Queen!
- Footage of the female despot is shown
- Fozzie: Ooh, the Queen! I bet she is going to buy an expensive rocket.
- Queen: You have trespassed in my realm and must be punished!
- Fozzie: Hey, are you in need of a court jester? Here is one: what do you call a queen who plays golf? Give up? The Queen of Clubs! Wokka, wokka, wokka!
- Scooter: This is really weird.
- Gonzo: Yeah, isn't it great?
- Mr. Big: We don't serve comedians here.
- Fozzie: Good, 'cause I don't wanna eat one.
- Fozzie: What do you call a yo-yo that goes down but won't come up? A yo. Wokka wokka wokka.
- Piggy: Here's your order, Kermie.
- Kermit: Gee, thanks Piggy but I didn't order anything.
- Fozzie: [Has body of fish instead of tail] Personally, I don't think this Mer-Bear stuff is so hot.
- Kermit: Um, Fozzie, I think you have your imagination on backwards. Your legs are supposed to look like a fish, not your head.
- Fozzie: Oh, I knew that.
- Fozzie: Maybe I should tell them a joke.
- Kermit: I don't think so, Fozzie, we're in enough trouble as it is.
- Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?
- Skeeter: What's that crunching sound?
- Gonzo: [chewing] That? Uh, that must be termites! Didn't I tell you my nose is made of wood?
- Skeeter: Uh-uh.
- Gonzo: Uh-huh! It's true! Pinocchio was my cousin.