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- [Mad Dog is in a happy mood and singing]
- Mike: What? you got laid last night?
- Mad Dog: I don't get laid, I make love.
- [Glory catches Wayne counting money in the bathroom]
- Glory: How much am I going for?
- Mad Dog: About $40,000
- Glory: Is that all?
- Mad Dog: Knocked down from 75.
- Glory: I must be out of season.
- Frank: Women, you can't live with them and you can't kill them.
- Milo: You love her? I own her!
[Frank is doing his routine for a group of cops]
- Frank: My friend, Phil, he wants to join the police department. He goes to the station, and starts filling out the application. They asks him, "Mr. Scarangello, how tall are you?" And he looks at his right hand and says, "Uh, five foot ten." And they ask him, "How much do you weigh?" And he looks at his other hand, and says, "Two hundred and three pounds." So then they ask, "Okay, and what's your first name?" He goes... [bobs his head from side to side, then]
- Frank: "Philly." They ask him "what are you doing with your head here?" He goes...
- Frank: "Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me... ?"
- Harold: You ought to try that tough guy shit with me sometime.
- Mad Dog: Fight me for her!
- Frank: Do you know what botulism is? We can get her with soup.
- Harold: I just want to know if you're happy. Are you happy? Because I get paid either way.
- Mike: Chivas and milk... I never forget a neck!
- Mad Dog: I'll be right back.
[goes to get some twinkies, for a colleague]
- Mike: You're killing him, Mad Dog... Get him some Melba toast.
- Robert De Niro as Wayne "Mad Dog" Dobie
- Uma Thurman as Glory
- Bill Murray as Frank Milo
- David Caruso as Mike
- Mike Starr as Harold
- Tom Towles as Andrew the Beater
- Kathy Baker as Lee
- Derek Annunciation as Shooter
- Doug Hara as Driver
- Evan Lionel as Dealer in Car
- Anthony Cannata as Pavletz
- J. J. Johnston as Shanlon
- Guy Van Swearingen as Cop
- Jack Wallace as Tommy the Bartender
- Richard Belzer as M.C. / Comic