Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999–present) is a long-running crime drama, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Special Victims Unit, a special squad dealing with sex crimes and crimes against children.

Opening

Narrator: In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. DUN DUN
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Season 1

Payback [1.1]

[An investigation into the sexually-motivated stabbing of a cab driver leads the detectives on a trail back through time to Bosnian war crimes.]
Stabler: Okay, so it's not a robbery, but stabbings aren't necessarily sexual. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Is there a specific reason you called us out?
Detective: Whoever did this sliced off his "cigar" and took it with him. Is that specific enough?
[Benson and Stabler look at the victim, then look at each other.]
Benson: Works for me.
Jeffries: Doesn't sound like there's much doubt on the COD.
Munch: Do you think your conclusional pole vaults are personality- or gender-driven?
[After testifying in court, during which the defendant flashed the jury and was forcibly removed]
Benson: Hey. How'd it go?
Stabler: He's in Bellevue.
Benson: Jury came back that fast?
Stabler: He waved his flag at them before they had a chance. Nobody saluted.
Benson: Question. Who'd want to cut your penis off?
Victor: Take a number.
Victor: [to Stabler] Hey. You doing anything Saturday night?
[He purses his lips and makes a kissing motion at Stabler. Stabler smiles.]
Stabler: Oh, I'd hurt you.
Cragen: Didn't two of Spicer's married johns take a bust?
Benson: Yeah, about six months ago. Vice was targeting the piers.
Cragen: I'm sure their wives must have been thrilled.
[Munch chuckles behind Cragen. Cragen turns to look at him.]
Cragen: What are you doing?
Munch: Eavesdropping.
Cragen: Good, you're up to speed. What do you say you go interrogate a husband?
Munch: Are we missing some key piece of information here?
Stabler and Captain Cragen: Shut up, John!
Munch: A military plane drops JFK's coffin into 9,000 feet of water three years after the assassination. You don't find that suggestive, perhaps even a tad disquieting?
Cassidy: No.
Munch: No? The Justice Department waits 33 years before they impart this tidbit on the American people, and then they say they did it because it wasn't evidence? What are you, sheep? Will you believe anything?
Cassidy: [sheep-like] Naaaah.
[Jeffries enters the break room, where Cassidy, Cragen, and Munch are eating lunch.]
Jeffries: You guys going to eat all this?
Munch: Suppose we say yes.
Jeffries: Suppose I'm just being polite.
Munch: That will be a first.
Cassidy: It's cool. John doesn't eat vegetables.
Jeffries: Yeah? The way I heard, that's not all John never gets to...eat.
[Jeffries leaves with a container of Chinese food. Cassidy sucks on his fork.]
Cassidy: Ouch.
Munch: I'm never setting foot in the city of Baltimore again, as long as I'm on this mortal sphere.
Cassidy: Why? You're rich. Did your 20, got your pension, and you're on the job here.
Munch: I earned that pension with the sweat of my mind, while surrounded by intellectual insects. Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only another detective, but a member of my own squad.
Cragen: We don't get to pick the vic.
[Benson is physical ill after visiting a horribly mutilated blind victim of Serbian ethnic cleansing.]
Stabler: Remember that Tom Hanks movie where he managed the girls' team? [hands Benson a piece of gum] "There's no crying in baseball."
Stabler: So you don't think she murdered him.
Benson: [lying] No. I don't think she murdered him. She said she was in her office until around one. That was after he was killed.
Stabler: And no one else was there.
Benson: And no one else was there.
Stabler: And no one else was there. That is an anti-alibi.
Benson: Look. We know there are two killers, so. How are we going to find the other one?
Stabler: You mean the other one who also didn't do it?
Cragen: I read the autopsy report. Now do you really believe that those two ladies were walking around with five and seven-inch knives in their purses every day?
Benson: I think we did the one thing that's going to allow me to sleep tonight.
Cragen: You just used your "Get out of Jail Free" card on this case, Olivia. There's only one in the pack.

A Single Life [1.2]

[The apparent murder of a solitary single woman resonates with Benson, who finds too many similarities between herself and the dead girl.]
[The squad is looking at pictures of the victim.]
Stabler: Eight stories up, eight down.
Cassidy: Looks like she was shot out of a cannon.
Cragen: Guy on steroids?
Munch: No, the Yankees are on a road trip.
Stabler: Yeah, they're down in Baltimore, kicking a little Oriole ass.
Benson: How about plain old testosterone-driven rage?
Jeffries: Her boyfriend?
Munch: Or girl. You could toss 100 pounds without breaking a sweat.
Jeffries: Toss you, you skinny-ass geek.
Munch: See? The rage?
Munch: The whole thing's a pyramid scheme.
Cassidy: What whole thing?
Munch: Laptops. We've become a nation of laptoppers, writing orders on our laptops, more laptops- whatever happened to pens?
Munch: [reading the title of one of the victim's articles] "How to build a better orgasm" in "Cosmopolitan." Somebody might kill for this.
Neighbor: Excuse me. How long does that girl's apartment remain a crime scene?
Benson: Why?
Neighbor's husband: We're next on the list for a one-bedroom.
Benson: Queens is a suburb? Since when?
Benson: Yeah, I'm a regular monk.
Stabler: Monkette.
Lawyer: So you're an expert on sex crimes, is that correct?
Cassidy: Well, we all have something to learn.
Lawyer: I'm sure. Can you tell us the technical or "psycho-sexual" term if you will, for fondling a stranger?
Cassidy: [hesitantly] Fromage...?
[Scattered laughter in the court.]
Lawyer: I believe it's "frottage."
Cassidy: Right. "Frottage."
Stabler: This woman makes J.D. Salinger look like a Shriner.
Dr. Daniels's lawyer: He was in Ms. Quinn's apartment briefly, at lunchtime, at her request, to attend to a crisis.
Benson: Or an erection.
Dr. Daniels: That's insulting.
Stabler: Really. I thought it was the absence of one that was insulting.
Journalist: What happened to Big Fatso? Coronary?
Stabler: Nah, retired and moved to Florida.
Journalist: Ah, same diff.
[Questioning a news anchor about his relationship with the victim.]
News anchor: "Knew her." Does anybody ever really know anybody?
Stabler: Don't get philosophical with us. You're just a teleprompter jockey; we're just cops.
Munch: From the Greek, Cassidy, "Necro-", death, "-philia," love of. You try it.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Again.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Or "Egyptian Love" according to Henry Miller. Necrophilia.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Good man.
Benson: [reading] "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a-"
Cragen: Candiru.
Stabler: Say what?
Cragen: This is beautiful. Tell him.
Benson: "It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines-" Ow.
Stabler: [adjusts his seat] "Erecting sharp spines." There's a fish with a sense of irony.
Cassidy: Did you know necrophilia is not only with dead people?
Benson: [to Munch] Do you see what you started?
Cassidy: No, I got it off the Net. Supposedly some famous actor out in Hollywood, hires hookers to lie in an ice bath. Waits until they turn blue with the cold before diving in.
Munch: Let's move on. "Compulsive onanism."
Cassidy: "Onanism." [chuckles]
Benson: She was molested, you know that. That cold facade of hers?
Stabler: Maybe it's just living in Colorado.
Benson: She dresses more Fifth Avenue than Rocky Mountain.
Stabler: I'm...having a fashion police blackout.

...Or Just Look Like One [1.3]

[When a young model is viciously attacked with a claw hammer and dumped outside a hospital, the SVU teams up with Briscoe and Green to investigate what happened.]
[Briscoe and Green enter the SVU squad room.]
Munch: Hey, Lennie.
Briscoe: It's like a nightmare.
Dr. Olivet: Money, power, respect; supermodels are the Greek goddesses of our time, if you want to believe Camille Paglia.
Briscoe: You are looking at the fruits of four hours of dumpster diving along 59th Street. Nine dumpsters in all.
Stabler: You trying to tell me the two of you went dumpster diving?
Green: Hell, no. We supervised a couple of uniforms. I don't do disposable diapers.
Cragen: Hey Lennie, c'mon. I haven't eaten in an hour. [to Benson and Stabler] You guys go ahead. These guys owe me lunch.
Briscoe: I don't owe him anything. I'm just gonna supervise his doughnut withdrawal.
[Discussing alleged polaroids that Parisi took of underage porn]
Parisi: I have thousands of polaroids. I'm a photographer.
Munch: Yeah. And Larry Flynt's a publisher.
Benson: So where does he hide his dirty pictures?
Stabler: You got three choices: under the bed, in the back of the closet, or amongst boring and unappealing papers.
Benson: I take it that's another guy thing?
Stabler: Yup.
Benson: Munch, do us a favor.
Munch: What?
Benson: Get Parisi to sit in this chair and then suggest to him that Deborah rolled on him.
Munch: Ah, cute. The prisoner's dilemma.
Cassidy: What's that?
Munch: See, we get each to think that the other one confessed.
Cassidy: Damn, I love this job. I'll get Parisi.

Hysteria [1.4]

[The murder of a young woman in provocative clothing leads detectives to uncover the presence of a pattern killer targeting prostitutes in New York City.]
Jeffries: That's an open and shut case, Munch. Try not to screw it up with your insane rambling. And stop looking at my ass.
Stabler: I'd never let my daughters go out dressed like that.
Benson: Yeah, right. Just wait.
Stabler: What does that mean?
Munch: Back to the dead whore.
Jeffries: Jerkwad. Have some respect for the victim.
Munch: Hey, I respect hookers. At least they earn their money up front, unlike ex-wives, who get you with that lucrative back-end deal.
Jeffries: So you're saying all women are whores?
Munch: Don't be ridiculous. I don't know all the women in the world.
Cragen: Children!
Cragen: When you were at the 3-1, did you know a cop named Sal D'Angelo?
Briscoe: The 70s are a blur.
Cragen: Tell me about it. Closest I ever came to time travel.
Briscoe: D'Angelo's a bastard. C'mon. So are you. So am I. We're all bastards.

Wanderlust [1.5]

[The murder of a travel writer brings detectives to concentrate on his landlord and her daughter.]
[After reading aloud an excerpt from a travel book written by the victim.]
Munch: His wanderlust is one adverb short of Robert James Waller.
Jeffries: "The Bridges of Madison County."
Cassidy: That was incredible.
Munch: How about incredibly banal? Short and muscular sentences displaying total absence of original thinking.
Cassidy: I was talking about the movie.
Munch: Unnerving, isn't it? That such a degrading death could overshadow such a remarkable life?
Cassidy: It's like Rockefeller dying on top of his mistress.
Munch: It's still my preferred way to go.
Stabler: Drama's a major food group for teenage girls.
Munch: It's true a good Mrs. Robinson's hard to find, but women maturing faster than men? Conspiracy. The government's been covering up the harmful side-effects of RBGH, a hormone that farmers are using to produce more milk.
Cassidy: Like McGwire taking Creatine to bulk up, right?
Munch: The farmers don't take the hormones, Cassidy. The cows do.
Jeffries: So is there anything you just...accept?
Munch: Yeah. Compliments.
Jeffries: No wonder you're so skeptical.
Cragen: Your feelings will always be a part of your police work. The more you try to deny that, the more control they'll have over you. We work with different permutations of sex all day, sometimes all night long. Don't worry when you feel something. Worry when you don't.

Sophomore Jinx [1.6]

[A rape/murder at Cragen's old school pits detectives against a secretive administration determined to protect their prize basketball team, while Munch finds himself sympathizing with an intelligent suspect.]
Stabler: What do you think we're looking for, a rock, a brick, maybe?
Uniform: Who's going to look for that?
[Stabler and Benson look at him.]
Uniform: Me?
Benson: Yes.
Benson: Blood alcohol level was .27.
Cragen: Wow. Triple the limit. There was a time I yearned for a girl who could drink like that.
[Munch and Cassidy interview Mosley, a college basketball player.]
Munch: So you and Jean studied French literature?
Mosley: Yeah, why?
Munch: Well, I mean, "Communications," "Basics of Broadcasting..." But Rimbaud?
Mosley: Sure. I know that "First Blood" speaks of the existential angst of being jerked around by forces beyond your control.
[Cassidy looks bewildered. Munch and Cassidy leave the interrogation room.]
Cassidy: ...What did he say?
Munch: What a wonderful job he thinks the police are doing.
[On being ordered to produce a semen sample.]
Basketball player: I can't do this.
Stabler: What, you have a fight with your right hand?
Stabler: I never lived in a dorm. That's what I wanted to do. I even knew where.
Benson: Where?
Stabler: Are you ready for this? Everglades University.
Benson: Everglades?
Stabler: Yeah. Playboy magazine rated universities by their sexual temperature. E.U., always at the top of the list.
Benson: Beautiful. I can see you had your priorities in order.
Stabler: Thank you.
[Reporting on a sperm count of the two suspects.]
Jeffries: Cougar and Mosley's little swimmers were shipshape.
Munch: No kidding.
Jeffries: Yeah- remember when, John?
Munch: I could say the same thing to you, babe.
Carmichael: What did they call it before we invented the terms "date rape" and "sexual harassment?"
Cragen: "Boys will be boys?"
Carmichael: I need physical evidence on the murder.
Cragen: We'll need to recanvass the crime scene.
Carmichael: Do that. Meanwhile, search his home and office.
Cragen: I think I'm falling in love with you, Abby.
Lawyer: C'mon, miss, you're badgering my client.
Benson: It's "Detective," not "miss."
Mrs. Mosley: [welcoming Cassidy and Munch into her home] Charles. It's Mutt and Jeff.
Cassidy: [to Munch] Which one's Mutt?

Uncivilized [1.7]

[The SVU team is hit hard by the molestation and murder of an 8 year old boy, and attention focuses on a registered sex offender living in the neighborhood.]
Cassidy: You ever think about having kids?
Munch: Why, when I have you?
Munch: Look, when something out of the ordinary happens, you look for what else is out of the ordinary before the out of ordinary happens.
Mark: Don't patronize (pronouncing it patron-ize) me.
Munch: Actually, it's pat-ronize.
Munch: When I was a little kid, my parents told me never to eat sweets.
Cragen: So as an adult you overcompensate?
Munch: Yeah.
Cassidy: I'm guessing your parents also said you should never get married.
Advocate: Not all sex offenders are repeat offenders.
Stabler: You show me a first time offender, I'll show you a guy who's never been caught before.

Stalked [1.8]

[An rape-homicide hits close to home when the victim is an Assistant District Attorney, and SVU rallies when the murderer fixates on Benson.]
[Munch gestures to Cassidy.]
Munch: We've only been partners a few months but the man is starting to think like me. Only slower.
Cassidy: Yeah, go ahead. Rain on my parade.
Munch: I don't just want to rain on your parade. I want to blow up all the floats.
[Munch wiggles his finger through a doughnut at a parolee who was convicted of forcible sodomy and is currently working at a doughnut bakery.]
Munch: Does this turn you on?
Parolee: What do you want?
Munch: Isn't it a little dangerous for you to be around all these helpless doughnuts?
Munch: Guys, check this out. Teddy Kennedy lands in the water at Chappaquiddick on July 18th. Neil Armstrong lands on the moon July 20th. Think about that.
Jeffries: And?
Munch: You don't find that amazing?
Jeffries: Nope.
Stabler: You're learning, Jeffries.
Benson: He's stalking her.
Cragen: Impossible. We don't have a stalking statute in New York, ergo there's no way to stalk anyone.
[Upon hearing news that one of their suspects was found dead of an overdose in a small town by the Canadian mounties.]
Munch: Poor guy.
Benson: Poor guy?
Munch: Imagine trying to score smack in a place called Moosonee. Must've been hell. Easier to cop yak turds.
Benson: I sure as hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.
Stabler: Yeah you would.
Benson: Well, that's only because you have a wife and kids.

Stocks & Bondage [1.9]

[The puzzling death of a heavily pierced and scarred investment analyst could be suicide, accident, or homicide. But the course of the investigation opens up a whole different can of worms when the victim's employer comes under scrutiny.]
Cassidy: I don't get S&M. I mean, "Hurt me, that turns me on?" Come on, what's up with that?
Munch: It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.
Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just the gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
[Stabler slings his arm around Cassidy's shoulders and bares his tattooed arm.]
Stabler: You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
Jeffries: Seriously. Did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?
Stabler: No, I get that from working with you.
Munch: The powers that be always protect themselves and the FBI are their hired guns-
Cassidy: [finishes for him] -fronting for the Trilateral Council, the World Bank, and the Mansons.
Cragen: Masons.

Closure [1.10]

[An episode follows an investigation into the dead case rape of a young woman named Harper, from the point the rapist leaves to the identification of the suspect six months later.]

Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious does not lie.
Benson: I'm not lying. (beat)Not much.
Benson: Is it that obvious?
Stabler: I'm your partner. For better or worse.
Cassidy: When you get married-
Benson: If I get married.
Cassidy: As long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair.
Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask that you smell the defendant.
Stabler: You get to Tribeca a lot?
Lawyer: You don't have to answer that.
Stabler: What questions can your client answer?
Lawyer: Anything that's a matter of public record. I want to know what my client's being charged with.
Munch: (to Stabler)You don't have to answer that.

Bad Blood [1.11]

[The murder of a gay man on the rooftop of a building could be a hate crime that leads back to his own family, the wealthy and influential leaders of a moral coalition that believes homosexuality can be cured.]
[Munch walks into the squad room and finds his colleagues filling out forms.]
Cragen: Police union found us better health insurance.
Cassidy: This form is longer than the last book I read.
Munch: Don't you see what they're doing?
Jeffries: Yeah, they're looking out for you, Munch. Psychiatric coverage increased to 80%.
[Cassidy turns his form back in to Cragen, who looks at it.]
Cragen: Uh, there's two "R"s in "hemorrhoids."
[The rest of the squad looks at Cassidy.]
Cassidy: I'm a desk jockey. What do you want from me?
[Regarding a pending interrogation.]
Munch: More specifically, he's mad at you.
Stabler: Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.
Benson: Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.
[Munch goes in to interrogate the suspect.]
Hale: I am not a homosexual.
Munch: Okay.
Hale: Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.
Munch: Actually, she was a half-sister.
Hale: She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.
Munch: You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?
[Cragen turns away from the window, where he is monitoring the interview.]
Cragen: Anybody know where Cassidy is?
[Cut to new scene. Cassidy is now interviewing the suspect.]

Russian Love Poem [1.12]

[Discussing the embarrassing death scene of the victim.]
Munch: They still didn't have to shove a banana where the sun don't shine. That's just rude.
[Discussing the victim's love life.]
Cassidy: For a 50 year old, this guy had a lot of energy.
Cragen: What's that supposed to imply?
Cassidy: Oh, nothing. I'm sure you and John have just as much.
Katya: This is America. You can't do this.
Benson: Sweetheart, let me let you in on a little secret. Cops are the same everywhere.

Disrobed [1.13]

[The murder of a judge leads SVU to a prison for pay scandal involving the purchase of sentences and paroles for criminals.]
Munch: Nice view.
Cassidy: Yeah, at night, too.
Munch: You've been here at night, too?
Cassidy: Yeah, you know. On a...a case.
Munch: Case of what?
Cassidy: Well, you know, like a...like a date. With a friend.
Munch: What friend is that?
Cassidy: Guy. Buddy of mine. Pal.
Munch: Uh huh.
Cassidy: What?
Munch: I want you to seal this crime scene tighter than an accountant's ass.
Munch: Afternoons he often spent at the library. He told his secretary he needed time alone.
Cassidy: To think deep, legal thoughts behind the wheel of his Caddy, fly open to the breeze.
Munch: "Hello and welcome to Parole Fone. If you want to pay with sex, press one. To make a donation to a phony charity, press two."
Cragen: Let her go.
Stabler: Why?
Cragen: Because her attorney said we have to.
Attorney: Alright. I'm asking.
Cragen: If I could, I would exhume the body and kick his ass.
[To an abusive husband in prison hitting on Benson.]
Stabler: Why don't you play "The Dating Game" with someone who shares your clinical diagnosis.
Cassidy: Whatever.
Munch: My generation pioneered that succinct abstraction, but to me it still means diddly.

Limitations [1.14]

Elliot Stabler: Alright, we're going to talk to some of the detectives who originally investigates.
Don Cragen: Munch, that okay with you?
John Munch: Sure, it'd be like visiting the Special Victims Unit alumni association. All the people that used to sit at these desks. Where are they now?
Jennifer Neal [about her rapist]: He's a changed man. We prayed together.
Elliot Stabler: (incredulously) You prayed with your rapist.
Jennifer Neal: Yeah. To turn him in after that would be a betrayal.
Victoria Kraft: (to Jennifer Neal about their rapist) You have the power of life and death over this piece of crap.
Jennifer Neal: I don't want that kind of power.
Victoria Kraft: But's true, isn't it? So just drop the Lamb of God rap and tell us his name.

Entitled [1.15]

Munch: Vanity, thy name is woman.
Monique: It's frailty, not vanity, you misogynist.
Jack: I hope to God we're right on this.
Captain Cragen: I hear Logan's learning to love Staten Island.
Munch: One minute you're getting your doorknob polished, the next you're sweet talking St. Peter.
Munch [to Rodgers]: Will you ever have dinner with me?
Dr. Rodgers: Not while I can still feed myself.
Monique: He was shot with a Black Talon?!
Munch: Cop killers. They haven't been made since 1994.
Monique: Yeah, because they killed too many cops.
Munch: Nah, the real reason was, it was instantly recognizable. Bullet makers want anonymity. If you can't prove where the bullet was made, you can't sue the manufacturer. Where would we be without lawyers?
Helen: (looking at a line-up) Number three.
Captain Cragen: Are you sure?
Helen: Yeah. It was dark, but it wasn't that dark. I'd remember him 'til the day I die. That face, those glasses…
Stabler: It's not an audition, Ms. Katish, just, are you sure?
Helen: All right. How's this? And the winner is, number three!
Munch: [yells at Pruitt] You're enjoying this, aren't you?! All these guys trying to sweet-talk you into giving us a little crumb of information!
Pruitt: Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the high point of my life.
Munch: Better than shooting those people in cold blood, you little reptilian geek?!
Pruitt: Oh, it's bad cop now, right?
Munch: YOU BET YOUR ASS!
Monique: John, easy.
Munch: You did it, you piece of crap! I know it! You know it!
Monique: Seriously, come on!
Munch: No! I'm gonna kill this guy myself.
Pruitt: Call him off. call him off.
Munch: I'm gonna Mike Tyson you, you bastard!
Pruitt: Come on. Is this legal?
Monique: Probably not.
Munch: (whispers in Pruitt's ear) I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

The Third Guy [1.16]

Don Cragen [to Dr. Skoda]: How could you give the defense that kind of ammunition in writing? I asked you...
Dr. Emil Skoda: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I put a little sticky on your desk by his DD5, that's all.
Elliot Stabler: Well, what was on this bombshell sticky?
Dr. Emil Skoda: "Retarded," and a question mark.
John Munch [to Alfonso]: Look at me, take a good look. In 15 years, you're gonna be as old as I am.
Olivia Benson [to Carlos]: You jerk us around, you jerk your deal off the table.
John Munch [about Jimmy Walp]: He was fired from McDonald's. That alone will win the case for him.

Misleader [1.17]

John Munch: Not the Benjamin Hadley? More powerful than Pat Robertson, able to leap a tall Democrat in a single bound, President of Midvale College, which used to be a Podunk nothing; now it's suddenly a think tank for the neo-conservative movement?
Olivia Benson: Although that's an oxymoron.
John Munch: I love you, Olivia.
Olivia Benson: I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, like you carry a purse.
Olivia Benson: That's 'cause you carry it for me.
Burglary Detective: Why don't you take all the burglaries in Manhattan?
Olivia Benson: We only want the one where the burglar spills his seed in the victim's u-trou.
Burglary Detective: So we didn't call you. So no one wants to call you. Ever. You know. You guys are up to your necks in perversity 24/7 and my men don't understand why it is you picked your squad.
Elliot Stabler: It's people like you that makes our squad necessary.
Burglary Detective: Yeah. Well, my people don't want whatever it is you got. You're tainted. Ten bucks says the only other cops you hang out with are Brooklyn SVU.
Elliot Stabler: You lose. Bronx SVU.
Elliot Stabler: (to the burglary detective) Don't touch me. I don't like to be touched.
Olivia Benson: Frick and Frack.
Elliot Stabler: Alfonse and Gaston.
John Munch: Slappy and Happy.
Monique Jeffries: You know how it is. You spend time with someone, eventually they will corrupt you.
John Munch: Sure. It's a major historical force that drags great people to the lowest common denominator.
Olivia Benson: With you around, we're all doomed.

Chat Room [1.18]

Stabler: Do we look like imbeciles to you?
Keith: They're just pictures.
Stabler: [screams] THEY'RE NOT JUST PICTURES!! They're underaged girls, they're scared, drugged and being photographed without their permission.
Stabler: (to Keith) Look. Someone comes to me and says they want to store illegal stuff in my garage, he's either my best friend or I'm getting something out of the deal.
Kathy: (to her husband about Internet predators) Why can't you arrest them? You know they're out there.
Stabler: (gesturing to the computer across the room) Honey, they're in here.
Stabler [to Cragen about a victim's story]: He flashed her. He perved her in ways she's not even aware of.
Captain Cragen: Okay. How about this? He entered into an improper relationship with a minor.
Stabler: You just said no real sex. According to her story.
Captain Cragen: He doesn't know that. He doesn't know what she told us.
Stabler: Oh. Now, Captain. You're not suggesting we lie to the poor man, are ya?
Captain Cragen: Absolutely not. Role-playing. Fantasy. Make-believe. That crap he's been peddling to us about victimless crimes.
Maureen [to Elliot]: When are you going to start trusting me?
Stabler: I trust you. Look, sometimes I bring my work home with me. Right now, I'm chasing this guy out there in ... cyberspace who goes after little girls. You know how I lock up all the doors and windows? (Maureen nods) Now they're coming in through there. This is about fear. This is not about trust.
Stabler: Stop reading my e-mail.
Stabler: Okay. I promise. And I'm sorry.

Contact [1.19]

Sal Avelino's Attorney: My client wants to be first in line.
Don Cragen: You want to be number one. What, is that your lucky number or something?
Sal Avelino: Yeah, it happens to be my lucky number.
Don Cragen: Number one it is. Good luck.
Nick Ganzner [to Olivia]: You close your eyes ... is that it ... to have sex?
Olivia Benson: I have sex with my eyes wide open.
Don Cragen [to Olivia]: Never turn your back on a reporter.
John Munch [to a transit cop]: I'd like you to sit on the 3rd rail.

Remorse [1.20]

John Munch [to P.K.]: Got a name for this guy?
P.K. : Tommy something ... Irish.
Monique Jeffries: There are, like, two million Irish in New York, P.K.
P.K. [gives a thumbs up]: Good luck.
CSU Tech [to Munch about Sarah Logan]: I don't think she suffered.
John Munch: She suffered.
CSU Tech: I mean she was killed instantly.
John Munch: I know what you mean.
John Munch [to P.K.]: Go buy yourself a blunt.

Nocturne [1.21]

Elizabeth Stabler [to Elliot]: Daddy, why does Christmas only come once a year?
Elliot Stabler: Because Santa Claus's credit cards are all maxed out.
Olivia Benson [to Elliot]: I bet I know what you're thinking.
Elliot Stabler: Bet you don't.
Olivia Benson: Even the best parents can't protect their children.
Elliot Stabler: Gutter at home. Part of it is broken. I need to fix it.
Olivia Benson: Well, you can't do everything.
Elliot Stabler: You'd feel everything for them if you could. All the pain.
Olivia Benson: Sometimes I just look at the kids and I think, "Why? Why do it at all?"
Elliot Stabler: Because you want to more than anything in the world. 'Cause you want to love them every day.

Slaves [1.22]

[Benson is interrogating a suspect]]
Randolph Morrow: Honey, I'd like a mineral water, no ice.
Benson: And I'd like your balls in a blender, but ain't life a bitch?
[Stabler is talking to a police psychiatrist after a particularly brutal case]
Psychiatrist: How long does a case like this stay with you?
Stabler: A while.
Psychiatrist: What do you do to turn it off?
Stabler: Go home, kiss my wife, hug my kids.
Psychiatrist: You see them in the victims, don't you?
Stabler: [pause] Have you ever seen an eight-year-old with no soul? I have.
Psychiatrist: And what do you do when you see that?
Stabler: I think about people who do those sorts of things.... and I think about how I could get away with killing them.
↑Jump back a section

Season 2

Wrong Is Right [2.1]

Alex Cabot: Captain Cragen!
Don Cragen: Ms. Cabot?
Alex Cabot: Alex.
Don Cragen: Yeah. Right. Of course.
Alex Cabot: Let's not start off on the wrong foot. My assignment to SVU preceded the "behavior problems" under you command.
Don Cragen: Behavioral problems?
Alex Cabot: I'm trying to be polite.
Don Cragen: Tip-toeing around the road kill?
Alex Cabot: Where there's smoke...
Don Cragen: Who do you sleep with Ms. Cabot? Are you so new at this that you haven't run into somebody you wanted skip due process with? I'll apprise you ASAP, if ASAP can be tomorrow, you understand I have "behavioral problems".
Alex Cabot: You want me to secure a search warrant for the offices of a defense contractor to search classified, national security files for evidence in a sexually motivated homicide?
John Munch: Is that a problem?
Alex Cabot: [sighs, picks up the phone and dials] Judge Hermann, please. [pause] This is Alex Cabot with the D.A's office. [pause] Uncle Bill... look, I need a favor.
John Munch: Reevaluation stinks.
Monique Jeffries: Truly. Best crime stats in 30 years and they're reevaluating?
John Munch: It's how it works. We get rid of the criminals they fear, they start fearing us. Public hates tough cops 'til they need one.
Alex Cabot: (to Michael Goren) A child molester only has power as long as his secret is kept. You tell the truth, his power is gone.
Dr. Emil Skoda [to Elliot]: How long have you been on the force?
Elliot Stabler: 14 years.
Dr. Emil Skoda: In all those years, how many murders have actually made sense?
Elliot Stabler: None. But ... some I understood.
Dr. Emil Skoda: But this one ... you let get under your skin. Why?
Elliot Stabler: This one my daughter saw.
Olivia Benson [to Elliot about talking to Dr. Skoda]: Hey. How'd it go?
Elliot Stabler: I talked too much. Again.
Elliot Stabler: You're protecting your win-loss ratio.
Don Cragen: Elliot.
Alex Cabot: It's okay, Captain. Detective Stabler's judgment is clouded by the stress of the Morris Commission's review and the fact that Michael did what he fantasizes about: kill a perpetrator.
Don Cragen: It's not my fantasy and I stand with Detective Stabler on this.
Elliot Stabler [to Maureen]: What are you doing up?
Maureen Stabler: I couldn't sleep.
Elliot Stabler: What's the matter? You got nightmares?
Maureen Stabler: You have to sleep to have nightmares.
Elliot Stabler: Right. What was I thinking? You want something to drink?
Maureen Stabler: No. Dad. What that boy Michael did to that man...
Elliot Stabler: That man was supposed to take care of Michael. And instead he molested him. He abused him physically, he betrayed his trust and I think Michael...just had enough.
Maureen Stabler: So what happens now?
Elliot Stabler: He's probably gonna go to prison. All he's gotta do is tell the truth. What is it with you kids?
Maureen Stabler: It's hard to talk to adults.
Elliot Stabler: Why?
Maureen Stabler: You're always judging us. You expect us to be like you and get mad if we're not. It's just easier to talk to our friends.
Elliot Stabler: What if you don't have any friends?
Maureen Stabler: Everybody's got friends.
Don Cragen [to the Morris Commission]: This little boy's mother stuck his hands on a frying pan until his fingers burned off ... this rape victim required 12 hours of surgery to have a steel plate put into her head after her attacker pummeled her with a claw hammer ... this one didn't make it ... is there anybody on this panel who doesn't share Detective Stabler's anger for the perpetrators? This man is a good cop. As his commanding officer, I stand with him and every good cop who faces these horrors day after day and has the strength to keep his impulses in check. Now if you can look at these pictures and not understand that, the problem here isn't Elliot Stabler, is it?
(After Elliot talks with Cragen about the Morris Commission hearing about if he could keep his job)
Kathy Stabler: So?
Elliot Stabler: The Morris Commission cleared me.

Honor [2.2]

Alex Cabot: A man stands up and takes responsibility. A man isn't afraid to face the consequences of his actions.
Elliot Stabler: Wilding's back in vogue.
Olivia Benson: I hate that word: "wilding." Like it's some kind of party.
Don Cragen: It's pucker time, folks!
Don Cragen [about the victim, Nafeesa Amir]: What, it's her fault she was raped?
Olivia Benson: She brought shame and dishonor to her family. They behead women for that where she comes from.
John Munch: My first wife dishonored me. I had to pay her alimony.
Mrs. Amir: I already lost Nafeesa. I don't want to lose Jaleel too.
Olivia Benson: But Nafessa hasn't lost her honor.

Closure: Part 2 [2.3]

Harper Anderson: (about Kenneth Cleary) He is the last thing I'm afraid of. If I can get over that, I will have my life back completely.
Don Cragen [about Kenneth Cleary]: We couldn't keep him. Not our fault.
Elliot Stabler: Want to tell the victim that?
Harper Anderson [to Cleary's attorney]: You're going to burn in Hell.
Mr. Klein: I'm Jewish, Miss Anderson. There is no Hell.

Legacy [2.4]

(An abused 7-year-old girl lays comatose as the detectives investigate members of her dysfunctional family to determine the source of the abuse.)

(Munch interviews a young girl)

Munch: Hi Jennifer, I’m Detective Munch.
Jennifer: That’s a funny name, Munch.
Munch: You think that’s funny? I guess if I ever have kids I’ll have to call them "munchkins".

Baby Killer [2.5]

Noncompliance [2.6]

Asunder [2.7]

Capt. Cragan: See actually I hate that little black rodent. Now Dick Tracy, that was a club, you got this great decoder ring and a really cool watch.
IAB Detective Howard: Are you going to say something Ms. Cabot?
Alex Cabot:: Like what?
IAB Detective Santiago: Protocol. Like if you're charging the Sgt with rape? Like if you would rein in your squad. And if you could be so kind as to keep us informed to the status.
Alex Cabot: Very well. Charging Andrews prior to his making a formal statement is premature. Am I sweeping it under the rug as you would prefer? No. And I strongly advise you to discontinue obstructing this unit from doing its job or I will have be more than happy to file charges naming you and your partner as coconspirators.
IAB Detective Santiago: IAB is here strictly in a supervisory capacity.
Alex Cabot: Not anymore. You may consider yourselves officially updated.

Taken [2.8]

Benson: We just found our guy on the Miller case, can this wait?
Captain: Close the door.
Benson: What?
Captain: Sit down Olivia.
Benson: What?
Captain: Really I-I think you should sit down.
Benson: What? Just tell me whats going on.
Captain: Your mother had an accident...Im so sorry...She didnt make it.
Benson: [whisper] How?
Captain: She fell down the subway steps, on 10th and Brodway-
Benson: No, my mother never taks the subway.
Captain: The entrence out of the velet room.
Benson: She was drunk.

Pixies [2.9]

Consent [2.10]

Abuse [2.11]

Secrets [2.12]

Capt. Donald Cragen: The law isn't always about justice.
ADA Alexandra Cabot: Who let you in on our dirty little secret?

Victims [2.13]

Stabler: I had my own "Alan Cryder". Insurance salesman ran his business out of a converted garage in Queens. Well liked, would invite the neighbourhood kids up for ice cream and stories. One day, a six-year-old girl goes missing from a playground in Soho. Long story short, we find her underneath the floor boards of his office along with three other children, all in various stages of decomposition. But he's gone and I'm left with a cold case. Two years, nothing but silence and headaches. I wasn't sleeping a lot, I kept having these recurring nightmares where my own children would be underneath the floor boards that I couldn't pry up. And,one day, I'm just gassing up my car in Chelsea and there he is. And before I know it, I've got his face sandwiched between his windshield and the muzzle of my gun. And I'm yelling "freeze" and I realize that I'm yelling at myself. Because I can't stop my finger from pulling the trigger and I am praying for him to blink, I'm praying for Him to twitch, just do something to give me an excuse. And then I see a face inside of his car. It's a girl, this beautiful little six-year old girl with these big eyes. I figured she'd seen enough.
(Stabler is in the SVU Squad room about to go home.)
Donald Cragen: Elliot ... how'd it go with the doc?
Elliot Stabler: (clears throat) She said the bandage probably kept most of Gloria's blood from entering the wound.
Donald Cragen: Good.
Elliot Stabler: (pulls out two bottles of medicine and holding them up for Cragen to see) Just in case, she gave me a month's supply of antiretrovirals.
Donald Cragen: Then what?
Elliot Stabler: Wait and see.
Donald Cragen: That's going to make for a hell of a month. (Stabler smiles and starts to walk away) Listen, if there's anything....
Elliot Stabler: (interrupts Cragen) I got it covered.
Donald Cragen: Well, you got my number.
Elliot Stabler: (turns back around to face Cragen) Captain. Thanks.

Paranoia [2.14]

Fin Tutuola (to a homeless man brought in as a suspect): You know where you are?
Homeless Man: It ain't an outhouse. It ain't the White House. So it might be the station house.
Fin Tutuola: Good guess.
Olivia Benson (to Elliot): Hey. You feeling any better?
Elliot Stabler: Yeah. I caught some sleep up in the crib. How's Smythe?
Olivia Benson: She's awake. She's ugh, she's going to be okay.
Elliot Stabler: Say anything?
Olivia Benson: No. (pauses) You sure you're okay?
Elliot Stabler: You tell Cragen about what happened last night? Me getting sick?
Olivia Benson: You heard what I said. You were standing right there. I haven't seen him since. Why?
Elliot Stabler: Boss wanted to send me home.
Olivia Benson: But he didn't. Good decision. But that stuff right there.... (points to the can of diet cola he is drinking) that'll kill you.
Olivia Benson (to Elliot as he eats breakfast): Got your appetite back.
Elliot Stabler: Feels good to eat like a human being again.
Olivia Benson: You get the test results?
Elliot Stabler: Clean bill of health. Negative for HIV, hepatitis. (Olivia smiles back at Stabler, who holds up a glass of orange juice) Salute.

Countdown [2.15]

Cabot: I need you to authorize this deal.
DA: Counselor, I am a public servant, and the public at large does not want this...boil on the butt of humanity living to a ripe old age!
Cabot: Charlie, think of the mother!
DA: I am! And I'm sure that she'd want to see him to die.
Cabot: Maybe. But she probably wants to know what happened to her daughter also.
DA: And what about the mothers of all his other victims? They want him dead. The city wants him dead. Even protesters against the death penalty want to see this guy dead!
Munch: [as Fin applies eye drops to his eyes] Can I have some of that?
Fin: No.
Munch: Please?
Fin: No.
Munch: Come on!
Fin: Can't share eye drops. That's how you get pinkeye.
Stabler: Just give him the eye drops, will you?

Runaway [2.16]

Alex Cabot: I'm willing to speak to you. However, you have no legal authority to compel me to answer any questions.
Internal Affairs Officer: We are well aware of that, Ms. Cabot. We're only trying to get to the truth.
Alex Cabot: Aren't we all.
Alex Cabot: If you are looking for someone to denigrate Captain Cragen or the unit, find someone else.
Don Cragen: A girl O.D.'d and died alone. Her father, a decorated cop, 30-year career, over, no pension, his family in shambles. But you know what really, really scares me? That all you people are concerned about is some lying, murdering sack of crap.
John Munch [to Fin]: Your Jew? Your Jew? What if I called you "my boy"?!
Fin Tutuola: I'll be your boy, John!

Folly [2.17]

Olivia Benson: Do people have sex in bed anymore?
Olivia Benson: The earth moved.
Elliot Stabler: And he saw stars.
Fin Tutuola: I am not staying in here with all these cancer-causing particles flying around.
John Munch: Stop worrying. As an African-American you're statistically far more likely to die of diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease.
Fin Tutuola: Or a bullet.

Manhunt [2.18]

John Munch: (to a serial rapist and murderer known as the Bowery Stalker) Shoplifting. Kind of an undignified end to such an ambitious operation.
John Munch: (to the Bowery stalker) You had us stumped for over a year, Daryl. Your operations manual reads like a textbook in tactics and resource management. I've offered it to the curriculum committee at the Academy. I think the next generation of cops could learn a lot from you.
Fin Tutuola: Even Aunt Mary thinks he's a hero.
John Munch: Yeah, well Aunt Mary is a few tea bags shy of a full pot.

Parasites [2.19]

Ava: In my country, the police help no one.
Alex Cabot (about a suspect with diplomatic immunity): He could run me down, leave skidmarks, and we still couldn't give him a speeding ticket.

Pique [2.20]

[Warner is conducting the autopsy on the victim with Benson and Stabler in the room.]
Warner: External examination found no traces of semen. Further testing...[pulling out an organ and placing it in a scale dish] showed spermicides usually found in condoms.
[Benson and Stabler look on in disgust]
Stabler: This is fun.
[Benson and Stabler are at a suspect's mother's home, trying to locate his current address, though they avoid telling her that her son's a suspect]
Grace Mayberry: I don't like cryptic conversation. They require a prevaricating nature, which I do not possess. So either you tell me what this is all about...or you can locate Jason using whatever means you have at your disposal.
Benson: Do you know what obstruction is, ma'am? This is a murder investigation, and we need to speak with your son. Now.


Scourge [2.21]

[while in arraignment]
Judge: Mr. Newvine, how does your client plead?
Daniel: Are you God?
Judge: Just an overworked judge, Mr. Varney. And I ask the questions. Not you. Guilty or not guilty?
Daniel: How can you judge me if you're not God?
Judge: Mr. Newvine, control your client.
Newvine: We plead not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect, your honor. [to his client] Daniel, please!
Judge: Miss Cabot?
Alex: Remand, your honor. The defendant is clearly a dangerous...
Daniel: NO!!!
[he punches Newvine; the court officers restrain him]
Daniel: YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME! You don't sit in judgment of me! You don't sit in judgment of me! YOU DON'T SIT IN JUDGMENT OF ME! You can't judge me! You can't judge me!
Daniel: I have to ask you something.
Benson: What?
Daniel: Why didn't you shoot me?
Benson: Because I didn't want to hurt you.
Daniel: But you must.
Benson: I must what, Daniel? I don't understand.
Daniel: Kill me. Please. Please. I can't take any more pain.
Fin: These people have a serious problem.
Munch: Yeah, they're scared.
↑Jump back a section

Season 3

Repression [3.1]

Charles Southerland (after he is questioned about the murder of his son-in-law): If you're asking me if I'm glad he's dead, the answer is yes. If you're asking me if I killed him, the answer is no, although I would like to buy the fellow who did it a drink.
Dr. George Huang (about the use of sodium amytal): It's called False Memory Syndrome. I think of it as the power of suggestion run amok.

Wrath [3.2]

Benson: We've gotten warrants based on less, why are you stonewalling?
Cabot: This is different and you know it. Once a judge hears the suspect's history, he's gonna bend over backwards for the guy.
Benson: I saw him, Alex. Plummer is stalking me.
Cabot: How did he know where you were when he was in the interview room being questioned?
Benson: He must've overheard.
Cabot: Okay, how many businesses are in the area near Chauncey's?
Benson: I don't know, several. Why? Where are you going with this?
Cabot: Any decent defense attorney is going to say that Mr. Plummer was in the area running errands, that it was just a coincidence.
Benson:He has killed four people and we're doing nothing.
Cabot: How many drinks did you have? Olivia, the system made a mistake before, now everything we do is under a microscope.
Benson: [pause] I wasn't drunk.

Stolen [3.3]

Fin Tutuola (to Munch): Three marriages, no children. You ever consider adopting?
John Munch: The kindest thing I could ever do for a kid is not adopt.
Alex Cabot (to Cragen after he blows up at a suspect): You lost your cool. You are too emotionally-invested in this case!
Don Cragen: Damn right.

Rooftop [3.4]

Dr. Warner: (about the young girl who was raped and murdered) It couldn't have been Leon Tate.
Olivia Benson: What are you talking about?
Dr. Warner: The victim's still in rigor. Probably killed this morning. Tate was dead by last night.
(Stabler stands upright and looks shocked)
Olivia Benson: Elliot...
Elliot Stabler: I wanted it to be Leon.
Olivia Benson: Everything fit.
Elliot Stabler: We wasted time. Another girl's dead because I went down the wrong road.
Alva Tate: (to Stabler) You happy now?
Elliot Stabler: Mrs. Tate, I'm sorry about Leon.
Alva Tate: Don't you dare say you're sorry. You're glad he's dead. He didn't kill those girls, but you killed him anyway. You murdered him.
Fin Tutuola: Mrs. Tate, Detective Stabler was doing his job.
Alva Tate: My son was innocent.

Fin Tutuola: Your son was gonna kill somebody with his HIV. We had to stop him. We didn't put the needle in his arm.

Alva Tate: You didn't. But you all stick together, don't you? (storms off)
Elliot Stabler: Fin, thanks for taking my back with Mrs. Tate.
Fin Tutuola: Leon was scum. He was gonna kill some innocent girl if you didn't stop him.

Tangled [3.5]

Dr. Warner: Perp goes through the trouble of bringing a semi-automatic with him, why not just shoot the guy?
Olivia Benson: Where'd the fun be in that?
Dr. Huang: Do you gamble, Elliot?
Elliot Stabler: Only with birth control.
Cragen: It's a case of he said, she said, he's dead.

Redemption [3.6]

[Investigating a series of rapes/homicides resembling those of the 'Soho Strangler', Stabler is paired with John 'Hawk' Hawkins, who put a man away for those crimes 18 years ago. Unfortunately, it begins to look as if that man was innocent all along.]
Fin: [after meeting Hawkins for the first time] Who the hell was that?
Stabler: Wyatt Earp.
Hawkins: [about Benson] Your partner always so friendly?
Stabler: She just doesn't like you.
Hawkins: [amused] Wait 'til she gets to know me.
Stabler: [complaining about Hawkins' style] I just don't like grand-standers.
Hawkins: I thought you were going to say grandfathers. [In reference to a case that they lost at the beginning of the episode] That was a tough one to lose.
Stabler: [angrily] That jury sent him home to rape that kid all over again.
Hawkins: Did you make your case?
Stabler: I had him nailed.
Hawkins: Then you did your job.
Stabler: [snorts] That's not good enough anymore.
Hawkins: Well it has to be, 'cause that's all there is.
Stabler: I told that little girl that everything was going to be okay.
Hawkins: And I told the parents of Roger's victims that he'd rot in prison.
Stabler: Well at least you put him away for eighteen.
Hawkins: Yeah, well, at least you gave that little girl a few days' peace. We never win this war, Elliot.
Stabler [sighs} Just so tired of losing.
Stabler: Oh God bless the lawyers.
Hawkins: [reviewing old files after he has been drinking] I took eighteen years from an innocent man. There's no way I can make that right.
Stabler: So what're you going to do, quit? What are you going to tell the parents of those girls? You made them a promise, and if you're the man I think you are, you'll keep it.
[Hawk has chased the killer to the roof of a building. When Stabler catches up, the suspect is clinging to the ledge as Hawk watches, ready to let him fall.]
Stabler: Hawk? Hawk, don't do this.
Hawkins: Don't do what, partner?.'
Stabler: We both know this isn't right.
Hawkins: We both know the system sucks. This way it's just natural selection. [He steps on the suspects hand]
Stabler: Hawk, you do this, you're no better than he is.
Hawkins: He sure as hell won't kill anybody else.
Stabler: This is no way to end it. Come on.
Hawkins: He's an evil man, Elliot.
Stabler:(Quoting Hawkins from earlier) "All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
Hawkins:(Hawk starts stepping on the suspects hand again as the suspect screams in pain, pleading him to stop. Hawk takes his foot off and turns to Stabler) You gonna let an old drunk do all the work? Give me a hand.
(Stabler walks over and the two help the suspect onto the roof and cuff him)

Sacrifice [3.7]

Fin Tutuola (to Cabot): Can't you call in a favor?
Alex Cabot: After working with this unit, I don't have that many left.

Inheritance [3.8]

Dr. Huang: Some geneticists theorise that violence is inherited.
Olivia Benson: It's not my fault. I was just born to kill.
Olivia Benson (about a man who was convicted of rape and murder): Does he have a choice? Does anyone?
Dr. Huang: You don't hurt people, Olivia. You protect them. You're proof that we do have a choice.
Olivia Benson: Or ... or maybe I'm just lucky.

Care [3.9]

Olivia Benson: What exactly is a gorgon?
Dr. Huang: Are you familiar with Medusa?
Elliot Stabler: Glen's abuser is a woman.
Alex Cabot: Who died?
Elliot Stabler: Dorothy Rudd.
Alex Cabot: Please tell me you're kidding.
John Munch: Just got a call from Rikers. Massive heart attack.
Fin Tutuola: Bitch didn't even suffer.
Cragen: Anyone else feel cheated?
Olivia Benson: Prosecution evaded by death.

Ridicule [3.10]

Elliot Stabler: Female rage is a growth industry.
Olivia Benson: So we're saying all men are sex-hounds, and only women can feel violated?
Fin Tutuola (about Amelia Chase): Her secretary said she should be done by now. These day traders live pretty good; short hours, spa days. What the hell is she doing in there?
John Munch: Beauty treatments take time; mud baths, silica dissapation, exfoliating facial. Time and money ... some women learn early how to waste both.
Fin Tutuola: Your ex-wives made you bitter.
John Munch: Not bitter, just resigned.

Monogamy [3.11]

Olivia Benson (to Stabler) : Hey, you know everyone in that room is on your side. But we're not mindreaders.
Elliot Stabler (about Kathy): One of us has to be able to sleep at night. She thinks I'm shutting her out.
Olivia Benson: You are. That's exactly what you do. You keep this up, you're gonna ruin the best thing you've ever had.
Dr. Huang: Most species aren't naturally monogamous.
John Munch: That explains my marital history.

Protection [3.12]

Alex Cabot (while offering a deal): Life without parole.
Eddie Fuentes: What kind of a deal is that?
Alex Cabot: The kind that keeps you breathing.
Munch (about questioning a young boy): I'll go. I speak 10-year-old.

Prodigy [3.13]

Munch (while looking at a board filled with thumbtacks representing chemical plants): Garden State, my ass. I guess chemical capital of the world didn't have the same zing.
Olivia Benson (about a man and woman found dead in a park): He's got a wedding ring. Is this a married couple?
Elliot Stabler: Trust me, married couples don't have sex in parks.
Elliot Stabler: (to the suspect.) That year you're gonna be doing on your head? Add 25 more and choke on it.

Counterfeit [3.14]

[A woman's body is found near her car after she was raped. Detectives Benson and Tutuola are paired to discover what the motive was, as well as why was her car's trunk full of forged drugs.]

Fin: Alright, nice dress.
Benson: Yeah, it was a nice date. Where's Munch?
Fin: He banged in sick.
Benson: He's such a hypochondriac. How many times has he had anthrax this week?

(Munch walks in on crutches)

Fin: I can't wait to hear this.
Munch: Your sympathy is overwhelming.
Benson: What happened to you?
Munch: Skydiving, hard landing.
Stabler: He wiped out riding his friend's Harley.
Cragen: Now the only thing he'll be riding is a desk.
Benson: These cases have too much in common. Same area, same time of night...
Tutuola: Paula Grace was front page news. There's enough details for Franscesca to fake hers.
Benson: There is no way that she could have faked being that traumatised. I'm telling you Captain, this woman was raped.
Tutuola: I just don't want to send the rat squad on some witch hunt and screw some innocent cop.
Benson: Neither do I.
Tutuola: Could have been anybody in a uniform, didn't have to be a real cop.
Benson: Doesn't matter. This woman is a rape victim until we prove otherwise.

Guilt [3.18]

Alex Cabot [about Kressler]: He is as bad as his client, hoping the victim is too traumatized to testify. He's lucky I didn't knock his teeth down his throat!
Don Cragen: I'd pay real money to see that.
Alex Cabot (to Mrs. Cavanaugh): The only reason I am here is to find evidence against the man who hurt your son. I am more than willing to accept blame for what happened to Sam, but do not let Roy Barnett get away with what he did.
Elliot Stabler: Barnett's being processed, we're heading to Mulligan's to celebrate.
Fin Tutuola: You're probably not gonna want to do that.
Olivia Benson: And why's that?
Fin Tutuola: Dad's mad.
Don Cragen (to Benson and Stabler): Get your asses in my office.
Roger Kressler [to Cabot]: Are you actually arguing that you can march in like the Gestapo and search any private residence?
Alex Cabot: I am arguing; I can search any private residence that doesn't belong to your client and it will have no bearing on these proceedings.
Elliot Stabler [to Cabot]: You should have told us.
Alex Cabot: I'm sorry.
Olivia Benson: No, you're not.
Alex Cabot: I am sorry you were ever in the middle of this. But you're right, I'm not sorry about the rest.
Alex Cabot [to Donnelly]: I take full responsibility for my actions.
Liz Donnelly: Of course. You did it for the greater good, the safety of society. Bull. You did this for you.
Alex Cabot: I did this for hundreds of Barnett's future victims.
Liz Donnelly: One. One victim. Sam Cavanaugh. Did it work? Did it assuage your guilt?
Alex Cabot: No. I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.
Liz Donnelly: I've got news for you. It won't happen. Ever.

Justice [3.19]

[In investigating the sexual assault of a 16-year-old, it's discovered that the victim is the rebellious stepdaughter of a judge, who is an old friend of Cragen's with dark secrets.]
Donnelly: Need I remind you that I am responsible for the integrity of this entire bureau?
Cabot: A judge has used the power of the court to further his own agenda. If the light we shine on him isn't brighter than the light we shine on the public, then this bureau has no integrity.

Denial [3.21]

[When a junkie is found raped, Tutuola takes an interest in her, but he's not the only one. When they find a finger in her purse, it opens a can of worms that spans back thirteen years, to when the girl witnessed her mother beating her baby sister to death, and even further back, when her grandmother turns her daughter in for the murder of her first-born son years before. The case is emotionally closed when Tutuola does an unexpected, and very rare favour.]
Claire: What kind of a name is "Fin?"
Fin: Mine.
[Benson and Stabler enter to find Dr. Warner inspecting a dessicated finger under a magnifying glass.]
Warner: It's official. The finger's dead.
Judge: Are you proposing to try your case right here, Ms. Cabot?
Cabot: No, I'm simply using rhetoric in order to make my point.
Judge: One of your more endearing qualities.
Claire: You have no idea what it's like to have a mother who doesn't give a damn about you.
Fin: [Reading newspaper] Violin's gonna start in any minute.
Claire: [To Fin] I could hug you, but I can tell you don't like to be touched.
↑Jump back a section

Season 4

Chameleon [4.01]

Nora Lewin: Do you really think the first woman the state executes should be a single mother, prostitute, rape victim...
Elizabeth Donnelly: ...serial killer.
George Huang: I'm not confident with calling the suspect a serial killer.
Fin Tutuola: How many guys she gotta whack until you're confident?

Deception [4.02]

Elliot Stabler (to Gloria Stanfield): You're in love with a boy you've raised since he was ten years old? That's not love. That's pedophilia.
John Munch: (to Kyle Fuller) You have the right to an attorney. You want my advice? Don't take one that's on your mother's payroll.
Judge Ridenour: (about Kyle and Gloria's marriage) Whether or not the defendant intended to avoid prosecution, he violated his bail agreement, bail is revoked, defendant is remanded. (to Kyle Fuller) Congratulations on your nuptials, young man.
Olivia Benson: (to Gloria) Planned Parenthood? You're getting rid of the baby too, I guess nobody's safe around you.
Olivia Benson: (after Kyle issues divorce papers to Gloria) You're a free woman.
Elliot Stabler: Not for long, you're under arrest for murder.
Gloria Stanfield: (to Kyle as she's arrested for murder) You have no idea what you're doing.
Kyle Fuller: No, I know exactly what i'm doing, Mom.

Vulnerable [4.03]

John Munch: (after observing the victim who has Alzheimer's) Sad. When this steel trap starts to rust, call Kevorkian.
Fin Tutuola: Consider that done.
Elliot Stabler: I never want to grow old.
Olivia Benson: In our line of work, be careful what you wish for.

Lust [4.04]

Fin Tutuola (to Munch): I told you you should've left that mutt in the car.
John Munch: You know how many dogs die in locked cars every year?
Fin Tutuola: You know how many cops shoot their partner and get off on a justifiable?
John Munch: There's a fine line between the right to privacy and prevention.
Olivia Benson: People have a right to know if they've been exposed to HIV.
John Munch: Yeah, I just get a little nervous when the government starts drawing up lists.
Fin Tutuola: Please don't get him started. He goes off on black helicopters and we'll be here all night.
Arthur Esterman: (during the interrogation) I was alive again for the first time in years. Greta was going to take it away. I had to stop her.

Disappearing Acts [4.05]

Claudia Williams: You cannot interrogate the prisoner about the federal case against her or anything related to it.
Olivia Benson: What if her criminal affiliations directly relate to the attack?
Claudia Williams: Well if Miss Curry's business associates were involved, she'd be in the morgue.
Don Cragen: I got a call from the US attorney's office with assurances; as soon as we make an arrest they will produce Amanda Curry for trial.
Olivia Benson: How are we supposed to do this without the cooperation of our complaining victim?

Angels [4.06]

Dr. Warner: Jansen's genitals weren't exactly cut off. They were surgically excised ... Removed with a scalpel by someone who knows anatomy, and pre-mortem. (points to Stabler's neck) An amateur would have cut his throat straight across. Jansen's killer made precise cuts on the carotid artery here, and here, after... (starts to point to Stabler's groin)
Elliot Stabler: You don't need to demonstrate that part.
Tony Damon: I don't know what you're talking about.
(Stabler throws him against the wall and roughs him up a little)
Elliot Stabler: You think I am some dumb cop? You think you're smarter than me?
John Munch: Elliot!
Tony Damon: I need a doctor!
Elliot Stabler: You're gonna need a morgue, pal!
Tony Damon: (about Stewart Lynch) That rat bastard!
John Munch: You'll have to be more specific. There's a lot of them running around in this case.
Walt Massey: I didn't force Shawn. I never beat him like Jansen beat his boys. It's not the same thing!
Elliot Stabler: You're right. It's worse. You had sex with your stepson and you don't think there's anything wrong with that? What kind of sick bastard are you?

Dolls [4.07]

[When Munch and Fin are arguing with each other]
Elliot Stabler: Lover's quarrel?
Fin Tutuola: It's going to be a domestic disturbance if Munch don't get out of my face.
Terry Jessup: Girls are lucky, they can play with dolls, boys can't.
Fin Tutuola: I had dolls.
Terry Jessup: You did?
Fin Tutuola: Yeah. G.I. Joe, Batman...
Terry Jessup: Those are action figures.
Ronnie Marshall (to Fin): What's your problem?
Fin Tutuola: Your daughter's dead, and there's not one cell in your junkie body that gives a damn!

Waste [4.08]

Elliot Stabler: She's been in a coma. I don't understand why you called us.
Dr. Sedaly: Because of the pneumonia, I ordered a chest x-ray, and the lab automatically ran its standard tests. Hers turned up positive.
Elliot Stabler: For what?
Dr. Sedaly: A baby. She's 6 weeks pregnant.
Don Cragen (to Cabot): Counselor, question. Umm, what would it take to blanket-DNA an entire facility?
Alex Cabot: A constitutional amendment.

Juvenile [4.09]

Resilience [4.10]

Stabler: [about two other children] Can you tell me who they are?
Sally: That's Philip, and that's Antoine.
Stabler: Who's their mom?
Sally: Mom is.
Stabler: Okay. Who's their real mom?
Sally: My mom is, stupid! They're my brothers.
Benson: You used your own daughter.
Angie: No. Those men did. Randall and Eno.
Benson: They swear that they didn't!
Angie: But they're lying!
Stabler: Either you let them rape your daughter, or your husband took their semen out of you and did it himself.
Angie: That's disgusting.
Stabler: YOU'RE DISGUSTING!! YOU ARE! Your own child!

Damaged [4.11]

[The SVU team cooperates with a Homicide detective when a 6 year old shooting victim tests positive for gonorrhea.]

Detective: If Missy had kept her mouth shut, could've been a perfect crime.
Captain Cragen: Hey, you don't know there's been a trampoline in the room, you won't dust the ceiling for prints.
Captain Cragen: Tell me this isn't as bad as it seems.
Alex: Oh, it is.
Captain Cragen: And Missy's immunity is etched in stone?
Alex: We can't touch her. We're screwed.
Missy: You can't kill me. I'm already dead.

Risk [4.12]

Rotten [4.13]

Mercy [4.14]

Pandora [4.15]

Tortured [4.16]

Cabot: Thank you. You've offered a provocative theory. What it lacks in substance, it makes up for in pretty colors.

Privilege [4.17]

Desperate [4.18]

Appearances [4.19]

Dominance [4.20]

Fallacy [4.21]

Futility [4.22]

Erin Russ: The rape charges on my client are bogus. And how did he get hurt between his home and the station house?
Alex Cabot: I don't know, how did he?

[Looks at Detectives Tutuola and Stabler]

Odafin Tutuola: He fell.
Russ: Bull.
Cabot: The only injuries I see are Mr. Gardner's torn knuckles from punching Detective Benson in the face, so unless you want to add the assault of a police officer to the list of charges, I suggest you move on.

Grief [4.23]

Perfect [4.24]

Soulless [4.25]

↑Jump back a section

Season 5

Escape [5.11]

[An escaped pedophile takes Benson hostage, and sends the detectives on a search for the truth regarding his case.]

Captain Cragen: [Introducing a federal marshal] Deputy Eckerson is requesting our assistance.
Stabler: Wow. Pigs really do fly, huh?
[Fin escorts Jeremy in cuffs down the corridor.]
Jeremy: I didn't do anything.
Fin: Sure you did. You obstructed justice, hindering prosecution, plus you're a lying piece of crap. We're not gonna charge you with that one.

Families [5.15]

[Benson cuffs a runaway suspect]
Benson: What's your name?
Suspect: Screw you!
Benson: Screw You, you're under arrest for attempted rape until we nail you for the other 11.
Suspect: Prove it.
Stabler: [to a witness] Does he look familiar to you?
Witness: [looks at the suspect] That's him. That's the bastard who tried to rape me!
Benson: See, Screw You? Wasn't that easy?
Stabler: Aidan, your father was also Shannon's father.
Aidan: Shannon's not my sister.
Stabler: Our DNA tests prove she is.
Aidan: How can you know this?
Stabler: Because Shannon was pregnant, and we tested the fetus' genes.
Aidan: The fetus? Oh, God.
Stabler: Aidan, listen to me. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.
Aidan: No. No. She was my sister?! [sobs] I had sex with my sister?! [retches]

Bound [5.23]

[Detectives pursues a serial killer who stalks elderly women.]

Answering machine message: Hey, Spevak. You're late again. You better pay up, Doc, or we're coming over.
Fin: Doesn't sound like Mastercard.
Huang: I looked at the autopsy photos of the first three victims. [Tosses rope to Stabler] Strangle me?
Stabler: [Grinning broadly] I'll try.
Huang: [hastily reaches for the rope] I'll hold the rope.
Judge Terhune: [opening house door to find Novak standing outside] What the hell do you want?
Novak: I'm so sorry to bother you at home, Judge Terhune, but it's urgent.
Terhune: Well, I'm in the middle of something pretty important myself.
Man's voice: [from inside the house] Joe? Are you foldin' this hand?
Terhune: --No! [To Novak] Look. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon in. C'mon.
[Novak follows Terhune into the house.]
Novak: I just need your honor's signature--
Judge Ridenour: You just hit the jackpot, dearie.
[Novak stops at the door of a room. Inside there are several judges playing poker.]
Terhune: [sitting down at the table] I'm in. I believe you all know ADA Novak.
Novak: Judge Ridenour, Judge Petrovsky, Judge Wyler, Judge Bradley. I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked.
Judge Petrovsky: How charming.
Judge Terhune: What was so important that it couldn't wait until morning?
Novak: An exhumation order.
Judge Bradley: Better sign it, Joe. Corpse might be a flight risk.
Judge Terhune: And you want me to disturb the sanctity of the dead on your say so?
Novak: I have a very convincing but long argument, that will disturb the sanctity of your poker game.
'[Terhune signs the order.]
Novak: [sighs in relief] Thank you.
Terhune: Go. Go. Go go. [Throws chips into the pot.]

Head [5.25]

[The discovery of a hidden camera in a public toilet turns into a chase for a pedophile when the voyeur's recordings show a sexual assault on a minor.]

Munch: Gives whole new meaning to "live, streaming video."
Huang: You're either looking for a urophiliac, that's a sexual attraction to urine, or a coprophilia--
Benson: Okay. Let's not go there.
Fin: [On the phone, regarding the toilet cam] To be honest with you, I have no idea how we're gonna identify the victims.
Munch: [Waiting for the voyeur suspect to answer the door] If there's any poetic justice we caught him in the bathroom.
↑Jump back a section

Season 6

Birthright [6.1]

Captain Cragen: $3,000 worth of damage to the car?
Stabler: What can I tell you? I zigged when I should have zagged.
Stabler: King Solomon said, "Bring me a sword. Divide the living child in two. Give half to one mother, half to the other."
Novak: Except I can't split the baby.
Stabler: Solomon didn't have to.
Benson: Mrs. Osborne, we're gonna have to place you under arrest.
Michelle: For what?
Benson: Conspiracy to commit kidnapping.
Michelle: Go ahead. You'll see I'm right.
Benson: Michele, this has got to stop now, okay? We know everything. Anna was on the police report from your husband's accident. She died in the car with him.
Michelle: No, they never found her remains.
Benson: Michelle, they were hit by a gasoline tanker. There was nothing left. I'm sorry. But you know what I'm telling you is the truth.
Michelle: I know my daughter is alive!
Benson: Casey, you've got to plead her out.
Novak: Why would I do that?
Benson: Because what happened was a mistake.
Novak: Michelle is uncontrollably driven to kidnap someone else's child.
Benson: Her little girl biologically!
Novak: But not legally. I can't let Michelle off the hook just because you feel guilty you didn't believe her.
Benson: Well, then give her a break because she's also a victim. What that fertility doctor did to those two women is genetic rape. And don't tell me that that doesn't bother you on some level.
Novak: Talk to the doctor, confirm what Michelle and the Bransons say and I'll consider a deal.

Debt [6.2]

Casey Novak [to Ricky Yao]: We found Jiao’s body buried under your whorehouse in Flushing.
Ricky Yao: Check the property rules, Mrs. Chan owns that place, sweet old lady.
Casey Novak: Grandma didn’t slit Jiao’s throat.
Ricky Yao: How do you know?
Customs Officer: We use to raid sweatshops every week for making phony handbags, designer jeans, even T- shirts, but since 9/11, we put all our manpower into DVDs.
Olivia Benson: Boot-leg movies pose a threat to national security?
Customs Officer: When al-Qaeda’s selling them. Interpol raided a sleeper cell found 20,000 copies of "The Lion King." Cheap to make, the profit margin’s higher then drugs and a hell of a lot less risky.
Elliot Stabler: Using Mickey Mouse to fund terrorist attacks on America. What next?

Obscene [6.3]

B.J. Cameron [to Novak]: Do you wake up every morning and think, "How can I trample on the First Amendment today?"
Casey Novak: I wake up and think, "How can I put away a rapist?"
Elliot Stabler: (reading hate-mail) "Roses are red, Violets are blue. When Jessie is dead, her corpse I will..." You get the idea. There's hundreds like this.
Casey Novak [to Donnelly]: What did I do wrong?
Liz Donnelly: What, aren't you going to even say "hi" to your boss?
Casey Novak: Hi. What did I do wrong?
B.J.'s Assistant: They yanked us off the air before the best part.
Fin Tutuola: Something heavy fell on B.J.'s head?

Scavenger [6.4]

Olivia Benson: (about the suspect) A serial killer kleptomaniac who's afraid of the dark.
Dr. George Huang: What did your mother do to you?
Humphrey Becker: Please, with you people, it's always the mothers.
Casey Novak [to Munch]: I just set a world record getting these search warrants, not to mention risking my life to interrupt Judge Terhune's poker game ... again!
John Munch: Poor baby, I've been up for 40 hours.

Outcry [6.5]

Olivia Benson: I've never met a victim who testified against their attacker and regretted it afterwards.
Elliot Stabler: You know Tandi's face was on the TV and newspaper all weekend long. How come you didn't report seeing her?
Cadet: I guess I just didn't put two and two together.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, I could see where that would be a problem for you.
Elliot Stabler: Do you think you could recognize her again?
Cashier: Sure could. (Elliot pulls a picture out and shows it to him) That's her.
Elliot Stabler: You've been very helpful, Thank you. (walks outside where Olivia is on her phone with Fin)
Olivia Benson: Fin, it's Liv. Look, can you check with the lab for food wrapper and soda cans found at the scene? Yeah, great, thanks. (hangs up the phone)
Elliot Stabler: Don't get your hopes up.
Olivia Benson: He didn't recognize Tandi's photo?
Elliot Stabler: He recognized my daughter Kathleen.
Mike Tucker: I've know Tandi since she was 8. I watched that girl grow up. I supported her family when her father was sick. I've loved her like a daughter and to suggest that I might harm her is disgusting.
Elliot Stabler: I'm touched.

Conscience [6.6]

[after Dr. Morton's acquittal]
Stabler: You manipulated us, just like Jake did.
Dr. Morton: There's one big difference. Jake would've killed again. I won't.

Charisma [6.7]

[A pregnant 12-year old puts the SVU unit on the trail of a charismatic cult leader, but when tragedy strikes some of them find there are some horrors they cannot handle.]
Huang: What do you most remember seeing after you entered the house?
Stabler: Dead bodies.
Dr. Huang: Anything specific about them?
Stabler: Bunch of dead bodies.
Dr. Huang: Then you think this is a big waste of your time.
Munch: Hell, no. I think we should all sit around all day and chat about our feelings.
Dr. Huang: Well, what do you want to talk about?
Munch: Well, it doesn't really matter. We can all talk until we're blue in the face. It's not going to change the fact that the human race is ever-evolving and will always come up with elaborate, repulsive, and depraved ways to kill each other.
Dr. Huang: And that's really the hard part for you, isn't it?
Munch: What?
Dr. Huang: That you can still be repulsed. As cynical as you try to be. You can still be sickened.
[Munch looks away]
Benson: If you want I can try to find the father of your baby. Do you know his name?
Melanie: Abraham.
Benson: And who's Abraham?
Melanie: He's my husband.
Benson: I'm afraid that... I won't be able to handle it.
Dr. Huang: But you are. By acknowledging that it affects you. That's the way you handle something traumatic.
Benson: Well, I guess the real problem is that I'm afraid that... that it's not working. (starts to cry)
Benson: Now those women out there might be brain-washed, but you're not. You know exactly what he is: a murderer and a child raper.
Sarah: That's not true.
Benson: You knew who he was and you let this happen, you let all those children die.
Sarah: It was God's will.
Benson: No, Sarah, it was your will! You could blame God and you can blame Abraham, but we all know the truth. You did this! You sat there and you watched as a man raped one of your children and then murdered the other. You might has well have killed him yourself!!
Captain Cragen: Olivia!
Benson: (calmly) He has one of your children and he has your unborn grandchild.
Sarah: This is a test. (shakes her head) I won't be tempted.
(Olivia leaves the room in disgust)
Eugene: [to Olivia] How can you stand it? How can you invite this depravity into your mind, your body, your soul? It will kill you. Every horror, every torment afflicts your body. Like a cancer. It's devouring your, and you can't see it. Open your eyes.
Benson: You know, I just thought that you were just another con artist. Seeking out people who were starved for anything that would give them meaning in their life. They're easy marks. You talk about God, the apocalypse and they give you all their money. But you are much more pathetic than that. You actually believe your own hype. You've conned yourself.
Eugene: All these men have come to kill me!
Benson: Shut your mouth, Eugene!
Eugene: Why?! Because they know! I am greater than man! I am greater than God! And they're afraid of what I can do!
[a gunshot is heard and Eugene hits the ground dead; Melanie is holding the gun and she starts sobbing; Benson rushes over, takes the gun away, and holds her]
Benson: It's okay. It's okay. Put the gun down. It's okay.
Melanie: That was a lie.
Benson: What was?
Melanie: He said he was greater than God. But nobody is.

Doubt [6.8]

Olivia Benson: Elliot, what happened between you and Kathy?
Elliot Stabler: Well ... the job made me kind of hard to live with.
Olivia Benson: She should try working with you.

Weak [6.9]

Benson [to Gina]: You think you got a good enough look at him to work with a sketch artist?
Gina: He was behind me most of the time. White guy, hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, big sunglasses, smelled like an ashtray. Guess it's not going to help you with your sketch unless it's a scratch and sniff, right?
Benson [about Miranda Cole]: As best I can tell, she was raped by terrorists.
Munch: Visit with mom, evening of rape, what would Freud say?
Dr. Hendrix [to Thomas Mathers]: Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Thomas: Lots of guys don't find a right girl.
Benson: That's true. I mean, being single's not easy.
Thomas: You would not look at me twice if I asked you out, you would not give me a time of day, so don't pretend you understand what I'm going through. I don't need your pity.
Stabler: You're just looking for the right girl. And one day you'll rape her and live happily ever after.
Benson [to Elliot]: And I can't believe that you are gonna take a shrink's opinion over actual facts!
Dr. Hendrix: (looks offended) Bye.
Stabler: What's your problem? She's a cop. That's all I need to know.
Benson: No, Elliot. She didn't think that being a cop was good enough, so she quit.
Stabler: Is that what this is about, some inferiority complex?
Benson: You know, I get that you are on the rebound and everything, but if you could keep it out of work that'd be great.

Haunted [6.10]

Fin [to Sandoval]: Who's the best at undercover in your squad?
Sandoval: I'm your guy.
Fin: No offense, but my grandmother wouldn't sell an aspirin to you.
Fin: Cold pills?
Sandoval: Yep, and matchbooks.
Fin: Thousands of them.
Sandoval: You need both to cook crystal meth.
Fin: Well, that explains the pole-cams and the booby-traps. Meth makes you paranoid.
Sandoval: Beyond paranoid. I once collared a heavy tweaker who shot his dog because he was afraid he was gonna rat him out to the cops.

Contagious [6.11]

Holly: [about to get an IV] I wish my dad was here.
Stabler: You'll see him in a while. What's your most favorite thing you like to do with your dad? I got twins your age, and we like to go to the beach together.
Holly: My dad takes me to the beach, too. We build sand castles. I don't like needles.
Stabler: Okay. Hold onto my hand. Now close your eyes and pretend that you're at the beach building sand castles with your dad. And if it hurts, you squeeze my hand really hard, okay?
Holly: What do you do when something hurts?
Stabler: I think of my kids.
Munch: [to a tip caller] We don't need a psychic. You're that good. Who's gonna win the Super Bowl?
Mark: I never touched Holly Purcell!
Benson: She's at your house all the time. She's in your class at school. You couldn't stop thinking about her.
Mark: Holly's like one of my own daughters!
Stabler: You give private lessons to your daughters, too?
Mark: You're disgusting! How dare--?!
Stabler: I'm disgusting?! [pins Mark to the wall] Holly told us what you did to her!
Mark: THEN SHE'S LYING!
Stabler: You tore her up, and she's got the scars to prove it! [releases Mark]
Mark: I don't know what in hell is going on around here! But I'm not saying another word! I want a lawyer!

Identity [6.12]

[The death of a gang member seems to be related to a sexual assault, but Benson and Stabler discover when they find the victim that things are not exactly what they seem.]
[Finding a can of paint in an allegedly 'ex'-graffiti artist's locker.]
Munch: Looks like someone's still got the aerosol monkey on his back.
[In interrogation]
Logan: I don't know how to dumb this down for you anymore. It. Wasn't. Me.
Dr. Blair: [Regarding gender reassignment surgery] Any plastic surgeon will tell you, it's easier to dig a hole than to build a pole.
Benson: Dr. Blair, do you realize that disseminating pornography to a minor is a felony?
Dr. Blair: I showed them art books.
Stabler Doc, I saw the art in your office and even I was uncomfortable at how many phalluses were on display.
Dr. Blair: That's because you're a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.
Stabler: You lost me at bourgeois.

Quarry [6.13]

Benson: Before you and Kathy had kids, did you ever wonder how they were going to turn out.
Stabler: All the time, still do
Benson: At least you know what you're passing on. Half my genes are drunk and the other half are violent and cruel.
Stabler: And look how great you turned out.... It's not all about the genes, Liv. All you can do is love your kids.
Benson: Good night.

Game [6.14]

[The squad is puzzled at the murder of a random woman until they discover that it is linked to a popular video game.]
[Fin and Munch interview a computer game designer.]
Designer: That sequence was an easter egg.
Fin: A what?
Munch: That's a hidden treat players can access for extra fun.
Designer: You're not as old as you look.
Designer: Stu used to work here. We had to fire him because he snuck copulating bunny rabbits into a children's game we make.

Hooked [6.15]

Stabler: How many teenage girls do you know who are too busy to have boyfriends?
Benson: When we were kids, our parents told us we were too young to date just one guy.
Stabler: Now you pray your kids only date one guy.
Stabler [about the victim, Lisa Downey]: How did this happen? Six months ago, she was just another 15-year-old girl.
Benson: Until she started hooking up with half of Queens. After that it's no big deal to have sex for designer clothes or prostitute yourself at a hotel.
Captain Cragen: She winds up as Trudy Strutz, Porn Star.
Stabler: She winds up dead on a roof.

Ghost [6.16]

Alex: For years, I've convinced victims to face their attackers. Now it's time for me to step up.
Alex: I have lost my home..my job...my friends...my mother died and I couldn’t go to the funeral. Liam Connors is not going to take my conscience too.
Benson: Alex...
Stabler: You didn't have to come back.
Alex: I know. But who else was going to get you out of trouble?

Rage [6.17]

Gordon: Every cop has a weakness, you just gotta know how to exploit it. They treat you like you're an imbecile, if you're not careful, you start to believe them. It's a game for them, they get off on it. They got these huge egos, that's their biggest problem. All you gotta do is let them know who's in charge. Not them, you. They used to call FBI agents gangsters with badges, they were one step away from being the worst criminals in society. Stabler's like that, big time.
Fin: Who's Stabler?
Gordon: Jarhead detective.
Fin: You know him?
Gordon: I do, and he knows me too. He's been thinking about me for a long time. He tries to hang you with your own words. Catch you in a lie. You're dead when that happens.
Fin: So what do you tell him?
Gordon: The truth will set you free.
Munch: I was never much into sports. My high school basketball coach said I looked like a retarded gazelle with a spastic disorder. Mr. Daley. Real loving guy.
Captain Cragen: So, Elliot screams at him. What was the plan after that?
Fin: Don't know. That was the end of the plan.
Stabler: You know, after 16 years of doing this, I've learned to tell the difference between a pedophile and a man who rapes children. In their own sick way, pedophiles think they love children, that they build a relationship with them. You know how to get a pedophile to confess? Give them the opportunity. Most of them feel so guilty, they're just dying to tell you. But it's not that way with you. With you, it's not about power or control — it's about annihilation. You don't love the children — you hate them. Because they have what you never will: Hope.
Gordon: [smirks] Is that why I do it?
Stabler: That's part of it. The other part, the part I've been trying to get at all night, is the rage. You hide it very well — it's impressive, really — but I know it's there. Gordon, you're kidding yourself if you think you're controlling it. It's controlling you. Every lie you tell to cover your inadequacies… every perceived insult you think you're getting… just feeds it.
Gordon: You're lecturing me about rage? Are you kidding?
Stabler: I'm not.
Gordon: What do you know about controlling anything?
Stabler: I don't murder people.
Gordon: Give it time. You say you see something in me. Well, I see something in you, too. You think you control? You can't. You're controlled by your boss, by your job, by your wife… your kids… What would you be if all those controls went away?
Stabler: [quietly] I'd be you.
Stabler: Did you think I froze? Is that why you fired first?
Benson: [sadly] I fired first 'cause you would've killed him.
Stabler: He deserves to die.
Benson: Maybe he does, but he wanted you to kill him. He wanted you to always remember that you took his life. Not because you had to, but because you were angry.

Pure [6.18]

Stabler [to Ballentine]: What is it with this virgin compulsion? Afraid you're not gonna measure up to other men?
Ballentine: Oh, no, no, I'm more than adequate in bed. But the expression on a girl's face her first time is ... incomparable.
Stabler: These girls weren't having sex. They were being raped.
Ballentine: Here's my card, my name's Sebastian Ballentine.
Stabler: The Sebastian Ballentine?
Ballentine: You've heard of me?
Stabler: No.
Suspect: I deserve an apology... in writing!
Munch: You'll be receiving one in the mail in 6 to 8 weeks.

Intoxicated [6.19]

Stabler: Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, not their parents.
Novak: Psych defense.
Stabler: P.M.D.D.? PMS made her do it.
Benson: You're not buying this.
Novak: What, we can't control our emotions because we're pre-menstrual? Yeah, that's bull.
Benson: (to Cragen) Denise Eldridge is a fruit cake.
Stabler: (interrupts them) And dessert is served. (shows Denise in the squad room)
Captain Cragen: Olivia, my office! (they both enter his office) Why is Denise Eldridge screaming to One PP that you talked her daughter out of a rape kit?
Benson: Carrie didn't want it.
Captain Cragen: Now that's exactly what Simone Bryce told Carrie's mother. That's funny how a children's rights attorney just happened to show up at the ER.
Denise: My daughter's been violated. Whose side are you on?
Benson: Hers. [leaves]
Benson [to Elliot]: You know I'm right.
Stabler: What, that Denise is a fruitcake? Yeah. But she's trying to protect her daughter.
Carrie [to Olivia]: You lied to me? [to Simone Bryce] She can't do that, can she?!
Simone: They do it all the time, that's why I told you to stop.
Carrie: (to Olivia) You lying bitch! I hate you! [gets carried out of the room by Elliot] I hate you, you lying bitch! You lying bitch! I hate you! You ruined my life, you lying bitch!
Carrie: I loved my mom very much. But when she was drunk. she wasn't a mother.
Simone: Olivia, what are you gonna do?
Benson: I have to tell the D.A.
Simone: Hold on. You know it wasn't murder.
Benson: Why didn't you present that as evidence?
Simone: She refused to talk about it. (pauses) You remember what that was like. (Olivia nods slightly)
Benson: [to Casey] My mother was an English professor. When I was 16, I started dating one of her students. He was a senior, he was 21 years old, and he asked me to marry him. And I said yes because I wanted to get away from my mother. She found out and she told me that if I didn't stop seeing him, that she would have him kicked out of college. And I told her that I was moving out. She was halfway through a bottle of vodka and she dropped it. It shattered all over the floor. And then she picked up the jagged edge of the bottle and...and she came at me, screaming, "I'll never let anyone else have you." And so I kicked her, hard. And then I kicked her again. And she went flying across the room, into the wall. And she slid down to the floor. I'd never hurt her before. I ran out. I was so afraid ...
Novak: You didn't kill your mother, Olivia.
Benson: I know what it's like to want to. That's how I know Simone Bryce. I called her back then. She was a law student and she helped me survive it.
Novak: Why didn't Carrie say something?
Benson: Because then the abuse becomes real. If you keep quiet, you can pretend that it's not.

Night [6.20]

Benson: Casey, I had to go three blocks to find an open coffee shop. If you went home, I'm gonna kill you.
Benson: [to Casey] You feel like a cup of coffee?
Novak: Every second of every day.

Blood [6.21]

Captain Cragen: [to Elliot] How many times do you think you can break the rules and get away with it?
Fin: With men, it's just business. They take what they want: money, drugs, sex. With a woman, it's personal.
Jenny: Do you have children?
Stabler: Yes.
Jenny: What would you do if one of them got into trouble? You'd help them.
Jenny: You arrested Kevin?
Benson: He'll be in a treatment program. He's getting the help he needs, and you can live your life without being afraid.
Jenny: What life? You took my son away. What have I got to live for now?

Parts [6.22]

[Upon learning that a disembodied head had traces of semen in her mouth.]
Fin: He didn't even let her gargle.
Huang: He disarticulated her after he killed her.
Munch: What's the fun in that?
[Munch and Fin head into a synagogue to find a suspect.]
Munch: Put this on.
[Munch hands Fin a yarmulke.]
Fin: I look Jewish to you?
Stabler: Cause of death?
Coroner: Heroin trip.
Fin: This girl didn't OD.
Coroner: No, I mean she tripped on the subway stairs because she was high.
Munch: Let's hope the rest of her is in there. Resting in pieces.
Body seller: Listen. It's not what you're thinking.
Stabler: Oh, you have no idea what I'm thinking.
Munch: No one should have to choose between obeying the law and watching their son die.

Goliath [5.22]

Benson [to Officer Vaill about Officer Callahan]: Are you sleeping with him?
Officer Vaill: Let me be very clear, Detective Benson. I'd be more inclined to have an affair with you.
Benson: Got it.
Fin: Callahan's either a great guy or an unpredictable bastard, depending on who you talk to.
Benson: That's helpful.
Fin: It's better than Munch's "evil twin" theory.
Novak: [holds a newspaper] Take a look at this.
Captain Cragen: Yeah, we've seen it.
Novak: So has Arthur Branch, meaning I'll be a special kind of pain in your ass until this is sufficiently explained.
Stabler: What the hell's all this? (sees the columns of boxes in Casey's office.)
Novak: U.S. army's version of "bury me in paper." Their response to my subpoenas.
Branch: [to Novak] Conference room, NOW!
Stabler: What's that about?
Novak: Oh, probably just another of the subpoenas I sent out.
Stabler: For what?
Novak: Donald Rumsfeld.
Dr. Trainer: Of the four drugs that work, three have to be taken daily. Quiniam is once a week. Easier to make sure soldiers take it.
Novak: When they're not killing themselves.
Novak: [to Dr. Trainer] Do you believe Quinium to be a safe drug?
Dr. Trainer: Ms. Novak, what we have not discussed is the fact that malaria is a highly deadly disease. It kills over two million people worldwide every year. Every twelve seconds a child dies from malaria.
Novak: That's very sad, Dr. Trainer. You didn't even attempt to answer my question.
Novak [to Dr. Trainer]: We had a shot at changing things, making them listen, making them stop. I don’t understand why you didn’t come to me, I could have helped you. And when the truth came out, they never could have touched you.
Dr. Trainer: Ms. Novak, you are very young, and that is not the way the world works.
↑Jump back a section

Season 7

Alien [7.11]

[An investigation into the near-fatal beating of a 12-year old boy uncovers a suspect whose trial becomes about the rights of same-sex parents.]
Small girl: One time, this big boy, he pushed Sean. He fell down.
Fin: What was the big boy's name?
girl: I don't know. But he's bad. I saw him smoking.
Boy: Just because I'm a recess monitor, doesn't mean I'm a narc.
Stabler: What'd you do, Charlie?
Charlie: He made fun of me. He said the reason my girlfriend won't have sex with me is that she's afraid I'll squash her.
Captain Cragen: You gonna bring him in?
Benson: We're waiting for the crime scene report before we take another crack at him.
[Munch approaches with a file.]
Munch: Ask and ye shall receive, unless, of course, you're Jewish.
[the captain takes the file]
Captain Cragen: I'm not.
CSU: I checked out the security cameras at Marty's Deli across from the school.
Fin: What were you doing at Marty's?
CSU: They got pixie sticks.
CSU: [Displays bagged scissors] Found these in the school dumpster.
Fin: She means I found them under the tuna casserole. All she did is stand and point.
Headmistress: When Emma's mother enrolled her at St. Victor's, she told us she was a single parent. She hid the fact that Emma has another parent. A woman.
Stabler: Emma's mom is gay.
Benson: So what's the big deal? Same sex couples raise children all the time.
Headmistress: Yes, but they don't usually lie about being gay and enroll their children in conservative Catholic schools.
Headmistress: How do you teach catechism with Emma in the classroom? "Homosexuality is a sin, kids, but oh, that's okay, Emma. Your moms are good people otherwise.
Stabler: In the six months since Zoe and Kate took St. Victor's to court, the whole family's been harassed. They've even changed their phone numbers twice.
Fin: Didn't do any good. Broken windows, graffiti on the doors. Zoe's filed six reports. Nobody's ever been charged.
Munch: Since when did New York become a red state?
Fin: But Zoe wanted to make a point. Take the school to court. Win one for the cause.
Munch: Someone's got to fight the fight.
Fin: It shouldn't be an eight year old.
Stabler: She's still Emma's guardian while Kate's in the hospital.
Lawyer: De facto guardian, yes. But the state doesn't afford her the right to make decisions for Emma. She's no more her parent or guardian than a babysitter would be.
Benson: You've raised Emma ever since she was born. How can you say that you're nothing more than a babysitter?
Zoe: I should have legal rights over Emma. But I don't. So why should I claim them now when it would only hurt her?
Lawyer: Confession's out. You want to talk to Emma again, go through me.
Novak: How'd it go?
Benson: Great. I love putting 8-year olds in lockup overnight.

Infected [7.12]

[When the accused killer of a teen's mother is released due to lack of evidence, the youth exacts his own justice by killing the man.]
DJ: Man, I ain't carrying, all right? And you can search me.
Munch: (Opens a front-loading washing machine and finds dozens of packets of crystal meth) Look at what I found.
Fin: Oughtta be worth a couple of grand.
DJ: Can't pin that on me.
Fin: Yeah, but I might be able to pin a murder on you, DJ.
DJ: What?
Fin: The rape and murder of Monica Phelps.
DJ: No no no. I did not murder her.
Munch: (Studies bottles of detergent on top of the machine) So what should I use? Lemony goodness, or Mount Stream?
DJ: Thought she was working at a hot dog stand. She wouldn't be frying franks if she was dealing. Now wasn't I helpful.
Munch: Very. (turns on the laundry machine)
Carthage: (to underage girl in motel room) Why don't you just take off your clothes, and we'll have ourselves a good time.
Stabler: (bursts into room with a drawn gun) Can we have a good time too?
Fin: (entering) Me too. I bet we can all have a lot of fun.
Carthage's lawyer: He was attempting to have sex with a minor, and you know this because you can read his mind?
Benson: We know this because he paid a minor $2,000 to have sex.
Stabler: Do you know how much you've spent on them, Ted? Have you done the math? Hm? $2 million. $2 million dollars worth of sex?
Carthage: I need to say this. I've been unfaithful. Many times. But I've never paid anyone for sex. They were my girlfriends.
Stabler: Wow. You're a busy guy, huh.
Benson: So all the financial transactions that happened after the sex were completely unrelated.
Carthage: I wanted to help them. I loved them.
Devere: Some of you might think that Nathan Phelps acted out of simple vengeance. Ted Carthage murdered his mother, so he murdered Ted Carthage. That is what the assistant district attorney will argue. She will tell you that anyone who kills out of retaliation should go to jail. I agree with her. But that is not what my client did. Did he hate Ted Carthage? Absolutely. Did he kill him? Yes. So, if not out of retaliation, what made Nathan do it? This is a new study published in Science magazine. It found that people who have witnessed gun violence are twice as likely, sometimes 3 times as likely, to commit an act of violence themselves. Nathan witnessed Ted Carthage shoot his mother. And just as this study predicts, he reacted with violence. This study equates gun violence with an infectious disease. Anyone exposed to it is infected. Now, you may not agree or like this study. Gun manufacturers don't like it, either. It goes against their mantra: "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." But this study points to something that is almost unspeakable in today's gun culture, and that is that the blame for violence can be directly placed on the gun. Once you see someone squeeze the trigger, it's easier to do it yourself. Nathan saw his mother shot to death in front him, and at that moment he contracted the disease. It wasn't his choice, any more than it is your choice to catch a cold after someone has sneezed on you. Violence is the disease. Guns are the virus. And we have an epidemic on our hands.
Novak: Does witnessing a murder justify a murder?
Benson: It doesn't justify it. But it might explain it.
Novak: You gave the jury a reason to acquit.
Benson: I was trying to tell the truth. I'm sorry.
Devere: He's not testifying, period!
Judge Donnelly: Let him.
Devere: And let him incriminate himself?
Judge Donnelly: Exactly
Devere: Are you crazy?
Judge Donnelly: [to Novak] What do you think?
Novak: A jury's been sworn in on a criminal case, a witness has testified. Do you see where this is heading?
Devere: If you screw us over on this-
Novak: Trust me.
[during Nathan's testimony]
Geddes: Why did you kill Ted Carthage?
Nathan: I don't know.
Geddes: Didn't he kill your mom?
Nathan: Yeah.
Geddes: So are you lying when you say you don't know?
Nathan: I'm not lying.
Geddes: Was your mom a prostitute?
Nathan: I don't know.
Geddes: Did you have a nice apartment when she was alive?
Nathan: It was okay.
Geddes: Was there a lot of crime in the neighborhood?
Nathan: I guess.
Geddes: Did you have a nice life, Nathan?
Nathan: Yes.
Geddes: Doesn't sound like it. How old were you when your dad was stabbed to death?
Nathan: 6.
Geddes: If you could, would you shoot the guy that stabbed your dad, just like you shot Ted Carthage?
Nathan: No.
Geddes: No?! Why not?! He stabbed your father!
Nathan: I don't wanna kill anybody!
Geddes: Sure. You did. You were angry.
Nathan: No!
Geddes: Yeah, Ted Carthage killed your mother. You hated him!
Nathan: Stop it!
Geddes: You didn't kill because you saw the gun! You wanted to hurt him! You hated him, and you wanted him to die!
Nathan: [furiously jumps out of his seat] YES! I HATED HIM! ALL RIGHT?!!
Devere: Your honor, at this time, the defense would move for a mistrial.
Judge Malloy: Ms. Devere, you can't do that. This is a hearing. Not a trial.
Devere: My apologies, Judge Malloy. That motion wasn't made to you. I'm speaking to Judge Donnelly. Nathan Phelps was compelled to incriminate himself in these proceedings. The testimony is admissible in his criminal trial and violates his right against self-incrimination. It's grounds for a mistrial.
Judge Donnelly: Motion granted. The criminal case against Nathan Phelps is dismissed with prejudice.
Geddes: What?!
Novak: In that event, Judge Malloy, I move to dismiss this proceeding. Now that there is no case against Nathan Phelps, there is no reason to investigate this research.
Geddes: Your honor, this is a setup, perpetrated by the DA's office.
Judge Malloy: Mr. Geddes, I'd agree with you, except that you're the one who called Mr. Phelps to the stand. This action is dismissed. Court is adjourned.
Geddes: Killer got a foster family. That's nice.
Novak: You're a jerk, Geddes.
Geddes: Yeah, and you got a murderer off.
Novak: Nathan Phelps would be serving the sentence I had already negotiated had you not gotten involved. So why don't we put the blame where it really belongs? On your bosses?

Blast [7.13]

[When an 8-year-old girl is kidnapped on her way home from school, DNA tests on the blood found in the abductor's abandoned van reveal she has leukemia.]
Stabler: "Password protected."
Tech: My 6-year old could hack this.
Stabler: No way. You're not doing this.
Dr. Warner: I can take care of myself.
Stabler: No offense, but med school doesn't exactly prepare you for something like this.
Dr. Warner: The Air Force did. They paid for medical school. I did two tours at Ramstien during Desert Storm. I know how to handle myself around men with guns.
Dr. Warner: Give me a gun.
Danny: No. Everybody stays. They're my ticket out of here.
Stabler: You don't need them. You've got me. I'm a cop. So's every guy out there. They're not going to risk my life. As long as you're with me, you're safe.
Dr. Warner: He's my patient, Elliott. I'm not leaving without him.
Stabler: You okay?
Dr. Warner: Yeah. I got to pick up my daughter from school.

Taboo [7.14]

Captain Cragen: This nutcase is a serial baby killer.

Manipulated [7.15]

[After a woman's body is found, Benson and Stabler delve into her private life and finally learn that in addition to being a respected lawyer, she was also a stripper.]
Fin: Hey, Tim. I hear you got a great wiener.
Stabler: A man's DNA doesn't just pop up inside a woman without his participation.
Benson: What do PMCs do?
Munch: Profit from the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Fin: Don't get him started on Dick Cheney again.
Munch: I miss the day when revenge just meant shooting someone.
Dr. Warner: And I miss the days when I never had to say I ran more DNA tests on that semen.

Gone [7.16]

Stabler: You like sea bass. You'll just love what we pulled out of the river.
↑Jump back a section

Season 8

Cage [8.8]

[After a van plows into the river with children aboard, Beck and Stabler find themselves investigating a controversial therapy called rebirthing for out-of-control children.]
[Stabler approaches a van being hoisted out of the river.]
Stabler: John. What've we got?
Munch: Van tried to take a shortcut to Brooklyn. The river got in the way.
Fin: Van was registered to Frank Hovis of Albany. Unmarried, no kids, couple pops for assault.
[Captain Cragen looks at a photograph of the women's shoe recovered at the scene.]
Captain Cragen: Anything on Cinderella?
Fin: Nah. Maybe Frank's a tranny.
[Munch arrives with a tollbooth photo of the van's occupants, a balding male driver and a woman in the passenger seat.]
Munch: Cinderella's definitely a woman. Frank needs to join the Hair Club for Men.
Captain Cragen: Dani doing okay?
Stabler: Yeah.
Captain Cragen: See a future for her here in SVU?
Stabler: Sure.
Captain Cragen: Don't want your old partner back.
Stabler: Since when was that up to me?
Mrs. Hovis: I haven't seen Frank in years.
Munch: We think he may have been in an accident, Mrs. Hovis.
Mrs. Hovis: Well, excuse me if I don't bust out weeping. The only time I hear about that deadbeat is when you cops come looking for him.
Munch: Mind if we check around?
Mrs. Hovis: Yes I do. I'm a respectable woman, I live alone, and I don't want the neighbors talking.
[Fin comes around the corner of the house, holding a pair of men's pants.]
Fin: They already are. Found these on your clothesline. Where'd they come from?
Mrs. Hovis: How should I know? Must've fallen out of a plane on the way into Kennedy.
Munch: I think I hear someone inside.
Fin: Don't worry, ma'am. We'll protect you.
[Munch and Fin push their way past Mrs. Hovis into the house.]
Mrs. Hovis: Hey!
[Fin pushes open the broom closet door and finds Frank in his underwear, crouching inside.]
Fin: Frank, that's pathetic.
Mrs. Hovis: [Acting astonished.] How'd he get in there?
[Stabler is stabbed in the chest with a pen.]
Beck: You gonna faint on me?
Beck: I couldn't have stayed so calm.
Stabler: Yeah you could. You know the right thing to do.
Beck: Just because you know what's right doesn't mean you do it.
Kathleen: Are you serious, dad? A kid stabbed you?
Kathy: Your father probably yelled at him.
Kathleen: Yeah, for not doing his homework.
[In the hospital, after Eden sets fire to Beck's apartment.]
Beck: Why'd you do it?
Eden: So you'd never leave me.
Beck: You could have killed us both.
Eden: Then we'd be together.
[Stabler finds Beck distraught outside Eden's hospital room.]
Stabler: Dani. This is not your fault.
Beck: I can't do this.
Stabler: Why?
Beck: I fix things. It's who I am. But I can't fix that little girl.
Stabler: That's not what we do.
Beck: But I wanted to. And I thought I could.
Beck: How do you keep doing this job?
Stabler: Because I have to.
Beck: Why? We don't make a difference.
Stabler: Dani, you can do this.
Beck:Are you asking me to stay?
[Stabler hesitates.]
Stabler: Dani, I can't. You've got to be here for yourself, not for me.
Beck: Yeah.
[Beck looks through the window at Eden.]
Beck: Bye, Elliott.
[Beck walks away.]

Scheherazade [8.10]

[Stabler agrees to hear the dying confession of a cancer patient, but first he and Benson do some digging into what possible crime Tierney's guilty of and come up with an unsolved case that goes back 47 years.]
Benson: It's never too late to help a victim.
Benson: What kind of father molests his daughter and then every year, sends her a birthday card to remind her?
Tierney: I don't know what your dad did to you, sweetie, but you need professional help.
Stabler: Eternal damnation is not a police matter.
Stabler: [To Huang] All you shrinks talk about is closure.
Dr. Huang: You can't rush Scheherazade.
[After Stabler tells Mrs. Colino that they found her husband's body, shot in 1971.]
Mrs. Colino: [To poker partners] Girls! I'm a widow!
Old woman: Congratulations. You want in this hand?
Stabler: Well, for once, Catholic guilt's a good thing.
Munch: I thought we Jews had a corner on that market.

Outsider [8.12]

[Fin teams up with a Brooklyn SVU Detective Lake when he's called on to investigate a rape at his son Ken's college.]
[After a rape victim that Ken brought in runs away.]
Ken: I blew it.
Fin: Fix it.
[Fin walks into an Edgar Allen Poe restaurant where the waiters are dressed in outlandish costumes.]
Waiter 1: We're a themed restaurant, sir.
Waiter 2: We dress up as Edgar Allen Poe characters. I'm the raven.
Waiter 1: And I'm the telltale heart!
Fin: [Flashes badge] And I'm the cop.
Lake: My gut says he's lying.
Fin: Your gut's a genius.
Lake: My gut tells me that's not our guy.
Fin: That's not your gut, that's indigestion.
Fin: Dr. Chanoor ever go after you?
Nurse: You kidding? I'd slice his nuts off with a scalpel.

Loophole [8.13]

[An anonymous tip and photographs that look like child porn leads the SVU to something utterly unexpected when Olivia goes down to a poisonous gas being experimented on tenement residents by their landlord.]

Passerby: Yo. What're you doin'?
Fin: Given' the little boy a donut.
Passerby: Why you wanna give the kid a donut?
Fin: Why you have a problem with us giving him a donut?
[Benson flashes her badge.]
Passerby: Oh. All right. Cop's best friend.
Benson: When was the most recent burglary?
Passerby: I don't know, like, the night before last. How come you guys don't know that?
Fin: We too busy eatin'.
[Discussing a speculation that a robber who broke into an apartment found kiddie porn and forwarded it anonymously to the police]
Fin: Just because a guy makes a living breaking into other people's apartment, doesn't mean he likes kiddie porn.
[When Munch arrives late to a briefing and chimes in with information.]
Fin: Oh. You're late 'cuz you were doing something useful.
[When a suspect in interrogation starts using Q-tips on his ears.]
Fin: You gotta do that in front of us?
Suspect: I got a Cerumen problem.
Fin: You gonna have a face problem if you don't stop, and what the hell is cerumen?
Munch: Earwax.
Suspect: See, he knows.
Fin: On the fifth floor you heard somebody bust into an apartment through five slabs of concrete with a cerumen problem.
Suspect: I must've been having a good ear day.
Captain Cragen: Where did you find this Looney Tune?
Fin: Look, we don't speak your dialect of crazy, okay?
Benson: I don't need to go to the hospital Captain.
Fin: Captain HAZMAT is ready to move in.
Captain Cragen: Take her. Restrain her if you have to.
[Regarding Munch]
Fin: Leave it to the prince of paranoia to take it up a notch.
Dr. Warner: No. This time, Munch isn't crazy.
Novak: You are thinking like a victim, 'Liv. if you were thinking like a cop, you'd realize that it's not that simple.
[Stabler wanders into the squad room late at night and finds Benson there.]
Stabler: I thought the joint would be empty.
Benson: I thought the doctors said you had to be on house arrest for two weeks.
Stabler: I can't stay away.
Benson: It's almost midnight.
Stabler: I didn't want Cragen to see me.
Benson: Yeah. I know the feeling.
Benson: It's easy to be passionate when you're one of the victims.
Stabler: What do you tell victims? Get help. The problem is you're not following your own advice right now.
Stabler: It means sometimes the only way to beat someone at a dirty fight, is to get right down into the gutter with them.
[The tech is attempting to hack into a corporate wireless network; he and Benson dodge security, looking for a signal. They enter the men's bathroom.]
Morales: I'm in.
Benson: It had to be in the men's room.
Morales: Well, I have a signal and nobody can see us.
↑Jump back a section

Season 9

Alternate [9.1]

[The SVU squad deals with unexpected changes, while Benson and Stabler investigate a case of child abuse involving a woman with Multiple Personality Disorder.]

Benson: What's going on?
Captain Cragen: I've been temporarily reassigned. Chief of D's office.
Benson: Why?
Captain Cragen: You aided your fugitive brother, Elliot covered up his kid's DUI, Fin's stepson butchered 2 people and walked. Somebody's gotta take the heat.
Benson: But we're the ones who screwed up.
Captain Cragen: On my command. 1PP calls that "failure to supervise".
Benson: That's insane!
Stabler: You want insane? Guess who they put in charge.
Munch: I had nothin' to do with that! If drafted, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.
Fin: You are lyin' like a politician. You took the Sergeant's' exam right behind our back. What's up with that?
Munch: I took it last year on a bar bet.
Captain Cragen: [hands Munch his key] Enjoy your new office, Sergeant Munch. Don't let the power get to your head.
Lake: It was an honor serving under you, sir.
Captain Cragen: I'm not dead yet, Detective Lake.
Stabler: We'll get you back, Captain.
Captain Cragen: Try and behave yourselves.
Munch: I knew there was something hinky about her. It was so obvious.
Fin: Did superpowers come with that promotion?
Lake: [To Fin] I'm not saying I didn't see crazies in Brooklyn, but you guys are cuckoo magnets.

Avatar [9.2]

Eric Winton: I'm about to seriously freak out five million people.

Savant [9.4]

[Detectives attempt to solve the horrible beating of a woman, the only witness to which is her mentally impaired daughter, who has Williams Syndrome.]

Katie: I'm Katie.
Munch: Sergeant Munch.
Katie: Munch. That's funny. Can I have a hug, Munch?
Munch: No, you may not. I'm a stranger. You shouldn't even be talking to me.
Katie: Okay. Bye.
[she walks up to Fin's desk]
Fin: Somethin' I could do for you?
Katie: Are you mad at me?
Fin: Didn't Sergeant Munch just tell you not to talk to strangers?
[Katie nods; Fin winks at her and signals her to leave him]
[After interviewing a group therapy group for parents of neuro-atypical children]
Benson: How's Kathy?
Stabler: Over 40 and having a baby. I just can't stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen.
Benson: So why don't you see a doctor?
Stabler: We're Catholic. Means it's better not to know.
Woman in clinic: [To Fin and Lake] Has the doctor told you if it's a boy or a girl?
Fin: Excuse me?
Woman: It's so hard for gay couples to adopt. A surrogate's really your only option.
[Fin and Lake look at each other.]
Woman: I don't get why they think that it's better to keep kids in the system than to send them into a gay home. You seem like a nice couple to me.
[Lake grins broadly and puts his hand on Fin's thigh. Fin looks incredulous.]
Stabler: And now we can't touch him?
Captain Cragen: The Patriot Act trumps rape and attempted murder every time.
Porter: You'll force me to make a formal complaint.
Fin: Where you shove that is up to you.
Novak: What would I be up against using Katie as a witness?
Munch: Anxiety, ADD, and they have trouble taking criticism.
Fin: That sounds like you, Munch.
Nicholson: [Opens his door to find Novak, Stabler, and Fin standing outside] Get the hell away from my door. You've got people thinking I tried to kill my wife.
Stabler: We need to speak to your daughter.
Nicholson: No, you will not speak to her. Not now, not ever. You've got her anxious and upset now leave her alone. [Tries to close door]
Novak: [Blocks the door] I'm Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. Here's how this is going to play out. Now we will end up at a hearing and the judge will side with me, because you cannot stop us from questioning the only witness to the attack.
Nicholson: I'm her father.
Novak: And your also a suspect Mr. Nicholson. It's about time you faced facts.
Novak: The Patriot Act. This convoluted piece of legislature isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Stabler: Do you care at all or is this guy just a pawn to you?
Porter: You're a bastard.
Stabler: I get that a lot.

[Novak is attempting to prove that Katie can sworn-in at a trial]

Novak: Your honor I submit that this witness can be sworn.
Judge Petrovsky: So ordered. [bangs gavel]
Katie: [puts her hands over her ears in pain] Don't do that!
Novak: She has very sensitive hearing.
Judge Petrovsky: I... I'm sorry.
Katie: That's okay. Can I have a hug?
Judge Petrovsky: [awkwardly] No. Maybe later.

Fight [9.8]

[Investigation of a teenage girl's brutal death sends detectives into the testosterone-filled world of cage fighting.]

Fin: [Looking at an internet photo of Lake in a boxing ring.] Get outta here. That's not you.
Lake: Bet your ass it is.
Captain Cragen: [reads] "Naptime Wins in A.C."
Fin: What, they call you Naptime because your boring stories put everybody to sleep?
Fin: Kona woulda beat yo' ass.
Lake: I would've held my own ... for a couple of rounds.
Fin: I would've liked to see that. Don't expect me to cry at your funeral.
Fin: [studying a Confederate flag on a frat house's wall.] 'sup with that flag?
Frat boy: KDA was founded by a direct descendant of Jefferson Davis. We're very proud of our heritage.
Fin: You know you lost the war.
Lake: Why would a young black kid want to pledge this fraternity?
Fin: A certain special interest group made waves.
Lake: You mean Al Sharpton picketed yo' ass.
School Administrator: Ah, Jadon. Yes, he and his brother Ezra exemplify Hudson's commitment to diversity.
Fin: That's rich white guy speak for "I'm gonna let a couple of poor ghetto kids get a taste of the high life."
[Fin locks Janelle, the suspects' hooker mother, into a holding cell.]
Janelle: The teacher said they were geniuses.
Fin: They must've gotten it from their father's side.
Janelle: Hey, Uncle Tom! What's it like in the House?
Fin: Least I ain't selling it! [To Lake] --Damn. White, black ... I'm getting it from all sides today.
Lake: Hey, man. Her pimp called me a Mexican.
Fin: Is that good or bad?
[Fin, Lake, and the captain watch Janelle and her son through the observation window]
Captain Cragen: All she's put him through, and he still loves her.
Fin: When you don't have anything, you take what you can get.
[Lake stares at photos of the suspects in custody; Captain Cragen approaches Fin]
Captain Cragen: That's great work, guys.
Fin: Thanks, Cap'n.
Captain Cragen: Get your 5s typed and over to Novak so she can start prepping for trial.
Lake: I don't think those boys had anything to do with Julie Donovan's murder.
Fin: [to the captain] I swear I didn't see him smoking crack.
Hooker: Lookit you throwin' around game, papi, actin' like you know yo' thing.
Fin: Little girl, I was doin' it before you knew what to do with it.

Snitch [9.10]

Danielson: Please tell the jury what happened.
Chuckwei: I was walking home from work on 168th Street when I saw a man beat a boy with a metal pipe.
Danielson: [shows a photo of the victim] This is the victim, Damon Moore. Is he the boy you saw?
Chuckwei: Yes.
Danielson: And the man who beat him to death, is he in this courtroom?
[in a moment of silence, Chuckwei stares at King, who stares back; afterwards, Chuckwei points at him]
Chuckwei: That is the man. There.
King: He's a liar. The cops are makin' him lie!
Attorney: Dennis, shut up!
Chuckwei: No! NO! [jumps out of his seat] You murdered that boy in front of a crowd of people! And in front of GOD!!
King: [storms out of his seat, topples the table, and charges at Chuckwei] You're a dead man! You're a dead man! Ya hear me?!
[Stabler grabs King and pins him to the ground]
Judge: Order! ORDER! Get the jury out of here! Court officers!
[the court officers grab King]
King: Get 'em off! Get off me! [to Chuckwei] You're dead! Your family's dead! Everything you love is dead! You're dead!
Judge: Take the defendant to lockup!
[Benson and Stabler walk up to Chuckwei]
Benson: Are you okay?
Chuckwei: Yes. I'm no longer afraid.

Streetwise [9.11]

[The rape and murder of a wealthy teen seems to point detectives to a gang of street kids.]

Lake: The earring was hawked by Sunshine Smith, who lives at 6789 Peekaboo Lane. That's a fairy tale, friend.
Pawn shop owner: Now that you read it back to me, it does sound a tad bit suspicious.
[Reviewing pawnshop tape]
Lake: Man, you know it's illegal for underage kids to pawn.
Pawn shop owner: Hey, guy gotta eat.
Fin: You need to go on a diet.
[As Stabler handcuffs Cole]
Cole: You're gonna break my wrists!
Stabler: I'm Irish, but I'm not that lucky.


Signature [9.12]

[Benson works with FBI profiling agent Lauren Cooper when a dead man and woman are found in central park due to an anonymous tip. The woman is though to have been killed by a serial killer called 'the woodsman'.]

Agent Cooper: I don't think we need to hear anymore.
Dr. Warner: I speak for the dead and I'm not done.
Agent Cooper:[about woman's body] At least he didn't chop her up into little pieces. At least he let her keep her head.
Benson:Are you Lavender?
Club Owner: Its La-Vonder, do I look like a damn flower to you?
Benson:[to Cooper] Are you okay?
Cooper:[crying] No. I said I wasn't used to dealing with victims.
[Benson is preparing to interrogate Cooper]
Cooper: You must get a lot of confessions in here. Can't wait to unburden the soul, confirm your deepest suspicions. They want absolution. They want to be able to sleep at night.
Benson: Can you sleep at night, Lauren?
Cooper: I sleep. Just. Fine.
Lake: [to himself] I'm gonna blow your freakin' brains out.
CSU Tech: [Overhearing] You better not be talkin' to me.
Benson: Just how close were you two?
Cooper: He was like a father to me!
Benson: Is that what they're calling it these days?
Cragen: (about Agent Cooper) She executed Mr. Moore
Chief of Detectives: You mean the serial killer.
Novak: It doesn't matter what he did, Larry Moore was murdered. That is a Class-A fellony.
Lydia Ramos: I presume you live on Planet Earth. Where're you going to find a jury pool that doesn't think the guy deserves to die?
Novak: That has no baring on the law.
Lydia Ramos: Explain that to John Q. Public. There'll be months of media spinning. Trotting out the murdered womans family members in support of a rogue FBI agent.
Novak: Agent Cooper stalked and shot a man in Central Park and you want to give her a pass?
Lydia Ramos: This office is not going to let you spend two million dollars, on a case you can't win.
Cooper: [As Lake and Benson arrive to arrest her] Proud of yourself?
Benson: I would have been proud to help you collar the bastard who murdered twenty-four women. That would have satisfied me.
Cooper: That wasn't good enough.
Benson: [Quickly takes away Cooper's gun] Why not?
Cooper: You know why. How many dead babies have you stood over? How many rape victims? You can't tell me you never wanted to put your gun under the bastard's chin who raped a two-year old.
Benson: [pause] I have too much to lose.
Cooper: I don't.
[Benson begs Cooper to make a deal and mitigate her sentence]
Benson: Take the deal, Lauren. It's a way out.
Cooper: No.
Benson: Why the hell not?
Cooper: [Pauses] Because those who fight monsters...better make damn sure they don't become them.[Pulls out gun.]
Lake: Gun!!
[Cooper shoots herself.]

Unorthodox [9.13]

[A 12-year old Jewish boy is sexually assaulted, and the search for his rapist leads Benson and Stabler into the Hassidic community.]

Stabler: You know, I was up all night with the baby. And it got me thinking.
Novak: You want me to send Jack to Family Court.
Stabler: I want to do what's right, Casey.
Novak: Sleep deprivation's making you soft, Elliot.
Munch: You can tell the grand Rebbe he can kiss my tuchus. My Yiddish is a little rusty but I'm pretty sure they just told our friend here to keep us away from the synagogue.

Cold [9.19]

[Novak has just been told she will be censured and likely disbarred]
Novak: [voice breaking] What do I do now?
Donnelly: Something else.
↑Jump back a section

Season 10

Lead [10.15]

Stabler: How do you know when a lawyer is lying?
Benson: Uh, when his lips are moving?

Selfish [10.19]

[Alex texts on her phone during Ashley's arraignment)
Judge Cohen: How does the defendant plead?
Devere: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge: I'll hear the People on bail.
[Alex is still texting]
Judge Cohen: Miss Cabot, are we keeping you from some important business?
Alex: [stops texting] Uh, I'm sorry, your honor. The People request remand.
Devere: What?
Alex: The defendant has established a pattern of theft and obfuscation. We consider her an extreme flight risk.
Devere: Miss Walker has no criminal record. To keep her locked up over these two charges is ridiculous.
[Alex resumes texting]
Judge Cohen: That sounds a little extreme, even for you, Miss Cabot. And if you don't put that phone down, I'm gonna hold you in contempt!

Zebras [10.24]

Stuckey: You shouldn't have been mean to me!
Stabler: What a way to end.
↑Jump back a section

Season 11

Unstable [11.1]

[In the interrogation room]
Benson: Give us an alibi. [to suspect, Mark Foster]
Foster: Fine. I violated my R.O. when I went to see that bitch I was married to.
Benson:That's smart. Confess to a misdomeanor when you are guilty of a fellony, good one.
Foster: She's got custody of my kids, and she's a damn crack-head. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Paxton: 93 seconds. [Executive ADA Sonya Paxton enters the room]
Stabler: Excuse me?
Paxton: Suspect asked for his lawyer, and you kept questioning him for ninety-three seconds. That's a violation of his right to counsel.
Benson: We'll leave you to your client, councilor.
Paxton: N-n-n-no. I may be wearing couture, but I don't represent scum-bags.
Stabler: So who exactly do you represent?
Paxton: The People. Sonya Paxton, your new ADA, how's it going?
[Outside interrogation room]'
Benson: Where's Alex Cabot?
Paxton: Training in Albany. When she's finished, she'll take my spot in Appeals.
Stabler: [to Sonya] Appeals? well no disrespect [pause] we do things a little differently down here in New York City.
Paxton: Oh really? I was trying homicides when you were fresh out of the academy, walking a beat, and trying not to piss yourself.
Captain Cragen: Executive ADA Paxton got the first Capital Conviction when Potaki brought back the death penalty.
Paxton: That's right, so when I say stop playing fast and loose with defendants rights, that's what you'll do, or ah you won't be working here.
Cragen: That is the commisioners descision Sonya, not yours.
Paxton: That's where you're wrong Don. There have been far too many overturned convictions - especially in the 'he-said she-said' unit. So, Jack McCoy sent me here to 'clean the house'. Oh and 1PP thinks it's a really sweal idea, so why don't you walk me through it?
Paxton: Wait wait...I thought there were no open rape cases matching this M.O.?
Stabler: There aren't, maybe the victims didn't report it. My gut is telling me that he's done it before.
Paxton: Or maybe it's your acid reflux.
Paxton: fifty-three convictions have been overturned in the state, Don. Even one is too many.
Benson: Those men were exonerated through DNA...there's a difference.
Paxton: Falsely imprisoned for decades, I might add, because - oh yeah detectives didn't do their jobs in the first place.
Stabler: Well that isn't the case here, Ms. Paxton. Tate's guilty.
Paxton: Really? Oh. Well that's great then. You don't mind calling me after you re-interview Katie Harris, and show her a sequential photo array.
[At a crime-scene of a rape of a minor]
Kendall: If Foster wasn't sitting in a cell, I'd put him right back in the box.
Paxton: Foster isn't in the tombs, anymore [pause] he made bail. [squad looks at Sonya] What? it's his right.
Kendall: He violated an R.O. and Reena West ID'd him.
Paxton: Yeah well, like I told you that isn't enough evidence - Certainly not enough to argue remand without bail.
Stabler: How much?
Paxton: Judge set it at [$]50,000.
Benson: So he throws five grand at a bondsman and he's free to murder.
Paxton: You know what? blame the constitution okay? You want to be a prosecutor? go to law school. Or better yet, just do your jobs guys. Find me something I can use to put him away.
[In the interrogation room]
Attorney: What are you offering?
Paxton: How does life without parole sound?
Attorney: Over-confidence.
Paxton: Really? for second degree murder and four counts of rape, believe me if I could, I'd...I'd mix the cocktail myself.
Benson: Your sentence also comes with free cable and a gym membership. [slams a bagged knife onto the table]
Attorney: What's this?
Benson: It's the murder weopon we found in your clients van.
Paxton: Leniency depends on what he tells us about his crimes, and um, better be the truth or I'm going to take it personally.
Foster: Stick a fork in me.
Paxton: [laughs] You are so lucky it's not a needle.

Sugar [11.2]

Paxton: So you just let him walk out? [Referring to suspect]
Stabler: We had nothing to hold him on.
Paxton: Other than murdering Emily Keefe.
Benson: Shepard was alibied all day long. Meetings, dinner then home.
Fin: Same home his mistress stolled out of in the living cupboard.
Paxton: Yeah so bust his ass on prostitution! Do I need to hand-hold you people?
Stabler: No, but here's a news flash, Vice handles prostitution, not special victims.
Paxton: Don't pass the buck, Stabler.
Tutuola: Who says their arraingment was prostitution anyway?
Paxton: Oh come on. It's the world's oldest profession, I think we've settled on the definition. She got what's in his wallet. He got what's between her legs.
Stabler: Unless he got something more. You know since the '70s courts have ruled that as long as a woman gets paid for something in addition to sex...shopping advice, companionship...not prostitution.
Paxton: Okay, I get it. So if it’s a back ally hand-job for five bucks, she’s a hooker, right? But if it’s five G’s a month and all the shoes she can buy, she’s some kind of what? Entrepreneur?
Benson: Times have changed, Sonya, or have you not been on Craigs List lately. There's some woman who believe...[cut-off]
Paxton: I can't believe that you're arguing this, Olivia.
Benson: Why? because all woman need to have the same opinion on everything?
Paxton: When it's this obvious, yeah.
[Paxton asks suspect Vance Shepard's assistant, Lizette, a few questions in Lizettes office.]
Lizette: On Wednesday night, Vance dropped by my place, so we could share a cab to dinner. It must have been 5:30.
Paxton: And his mood?
Lizette: Fine. He asked if he could pour drink, but he's done that before.
Paxton: And at dinner he was the same old super-boss he always is?
Lizette: Pretty much.
Paxton: And just for the record, you would never lie for him, right?
Lizette: No.
Paxton: Even after he bought you that very impressive rack?
Lizette: Excuse me?
Paxton: Well, come on. A pair that nice has got to make a girl feel pretty grateful, right?
Lizette: That's none of your business. [stands up to leave]
Paxton: Sit down. Hun, everything's my business. Your boss; your boobs; your belligerent little attitude. You need to start telling me the truth or I'll throw you in lock-up, with that cute little body of yours, will get you all the attention you can handle.
Benson: Incoming.
[Shepard enters Lizettes office]
Shepard: What are you doing? what, harrassing my employees?
Paxton: Listen, you murdered one of yours, oh wait, I'm sorry that's right you called Emily Keefe your girlfriend.
Shepard: What are you? another cop?
Paxton: You'll get to know me at your trial. Which is coming up soon by the way, because your double-D alibi here is, pretty shaky. That's why these detectives are headed to Grand Central Station, where they're going to scoop up every single security tape, and guess what? They're going to find you. On the platform. Following that poor, innocent girl onto her train. I bet they'll even find you hopping off down the line. Wiping the blood from your hands.
Shepard: Get the hell out of my office.
Paxton: Hmm. See you soon, Wonder Boy.
Stabler: [to Sonya] We're leaving? I thought you were going to brake the secretery?
Paxton: Errr I rattled the boss. Mission Accomplished.
[Paxton discovers Stabler and Benson are interrogating Vance Shepard, without his attorney present.]
Paxton: [Sonya asks Cragen, outside the interview room] What's going on?
Captain Cragen: Wonder Boy is done.
Paxton: Where's his lawyer?
Cragen: Shepard said he didn't need him. Just wanted to get it all off his chest
Paxton: Oh the hell he will. [Sonya enters the interrogation room] Mr. Shepard, stop talking.
Stabler: Do you mind?
Paxton: He's not saying another word until I can get Dwight Stanich in here.
Benson: He waved counsel twice. Now you're calling his lawyer?
Shepard: W-w-w-wow I don't want a lawyer.
Paxton: Don't Talk! Your suspect is clearly distraught, which is exactly what Stanich will argue, and out goes any confession - Do I have to make it any clear for you?
[Stabler and Benson move Paxton outside of the interrogation room]
Stabler: What's your problem? first you tell us to nail him, now you want us to back-off.
Paxton: Probably 'cause I want to win this case, Stabler. The right way.
Stabler: And us ruse don't know how to do that?
Paxton: Would I be here if you did?
Stabler: You are such a sanctimonious bitch, you know that?
Captain Cragen: Detective Stabler...
Stabler: No I'm not finished! School's in session, and you've got a lot to learn, hun.
Paxton: Oh hun, if I'm going to learn anything, I promise you it won't be from an adolocent a-hole like you.
Benson: I've seen three dozen shots of Emily boarding the train. There's not one of Vance getting on or off. I give up.
Paxton: Keep looking, he's there somewhere.
Stabler: Ah we're chasing our tales.
Benson: [Benson to Sonya, as Sonya smokes] Sonya, you do know there's no smoking in this building.
Paxton: What are you going to do? Bust me? [laughs, and puts her cigarette out] Okay, fine. Can I atleast get a good cup of coffee?
Stabler: Swells is the only blend we serve.
Paxton: Ahh that's great. [pause] Oh this guy Shepard is pissing me off.
Benson: We all know he's guilty. Put him on the stand, half the jury will know it too, right off the bat.
Paxton: No, not good enough. We need facts to nail him. Facts don’t lie. Facts can’t be fudged. Slam someone with the facts, the son of a bitch never gets back up.

Solitary [11.3]

Stabler: I don’t work for you.
Paxton: I’m not going to watch you brutalize a prisoner in custody.
Stabler: I didn’t lay a finger on him.
Paxton: Oh really? could have fooled me.
Stabler: I was transferring him to Central Booking.
Paxton: Well under the circumstances, that’s not appropriate.
Stabler: It’s my case!
Paxton: No you’re not the case detective! You’re the victim!
Stabler: [offended look]
Paxton: Oh, ah, I’m sorry. Does that word offend you? Big strong Elliot Stabler can’t be anyone’s victim, right?
Stabler: You don’t know me.
Paxton: Oh trust me. I read your file.
Stabler: You want to know something? You’ve had a hard-on for me since the day you walked into this squad.
Paxton: *laughs* No hun, not at all. I got problems with anybody who doesn’t play by the rules.
Stabler: No your rules! You act like the laws holy sripture. You don't give a damn about the law. You want control. You don't know me. You know me? I know you. I see perps like you walking here everyday of the week - they got to have control - the whole world falls apart, but inside they're scared, weak, damaged-
Paxton: [Paxton slaps Detective Stabler accross the face]

[Stabler enters EADA Paxton's office, after spending two days in prison, at his own choice]

Paxton: Where the hell you been?
Stabler: The hall [pause] I want to drop the charges.
Paxton: [laughs] don't be a wuss Stabler. You took a bad trip in your own head, and now what? you feel sorry for Donovan? Well that's your problem. Mine is convicting a would-be cop killer, who thinks doing a little time gives him the right to whack the first cop who looks at him cross-eyed.
Stabler: It's not that simple.
Paxton: Actually it is. If Donovan walks it's open season on law enforcement, for any perp that did a day in the hall.
Stabler: Look, you don't have to set him a precedent, just cut him a deal.
Paxton: If I plea-bargain Donovan, he's out in 5 years, and then what? Does he run down the cop who pulls him over for speeding? I won't take that chance.
Stabler: I'll report you for assault. The DA will suspend you.
Paxton: Go ahead [pauses and then smiles] Thought so. You may of lost your balls in lock-up but, I still got mine.

Hammered [11.4]

[Stabler and Benson take a suspect on a trip, where he eventually escapes]
Paxton: G'morning detectives.
Stabler: Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse.
Paxton: Has anyone seen my missing defendant?
Stabler: We could try finding him, unless you just want to waste our time busting my balls.
Paxton: Oh, I'd never kick a fellow when he's down. I'm sure you feel like a grade-A moron as it is. Offcourse I'm the one who has to slog through Wade Hearing because you tainted the bartenders ID, but.
Captain Cragen: What do you need Sonya?
Paxton: On the assumption you'll retrieve Dalton Rendall for me, I'm presiding with my trial prep. I actually stopped by to watch a movie. Want to join me?
Cragen: It's looking like the sex was consential. I mean the hooked-up in a bar, they both were drinking heavily.
Paxton: Oh please. Half the rapists I put away were either drunk or high. It's called "Dutch Courage". Doesn't excuse jack.
[Paxton enters the interrogation room in the middle of an interview]
Paxton: Ahh! cut the crap, Geez!
Stabler: Need something Sonya?
Paxton: Yeah, for him to admit he killed and raped Audre Hale. I got tired of watching you two [Stabler and Benson] play patty-cake, sorry.
[At a Fry-Hearing to determine whether alcoholism is a disease or not]
Paxton: Dr. Sopher, do all addicts commit murder?
Sopher: No. Off course not.
Paxton: And your findings, are they generally accepted within the scientific community?
Sopher: We do have our detractors.
Paxton: Do you believe, if I had an inoproble tumor, that I could just will it away?
Sopher: No.
Paxton: Because a tumor is a disease not a behavior, right?
Sopher: [silent]
Paxton: Alcoholics stop drinking all the time, by shear will power alone. And do you know why they can do that? 'cause alcoholism is not a disease.

Turmoil [11.8]

[Outside the Supreme Court steps]
Paxton: Alex!
Alex: I thought you stood me up.
Paxton: Sorry, I ah [pause] couldn't make it through the door. I guess I'm not quite ready.
Alex: Why don't you tell me what you want?
Paxton: Just to give you some much needed advice. Don't give the State Bar anymore amunition.
Alex: I didn't blow a trial, by breathing vodka onto a judge, and I sure as hell wasn't forced to take a breathalizer in open-court.
Paxton: Actually it was Scotch, and drunk or not, I've never been accused of a brady violation.
Alex: I take my Oath very seriously and I did not withold evidence from the defense.
Paxton: Look even if it was the cops who didn't turnover every scrap of evidence, you're still culpable. They'll yank your license.
Alex: Stabler and Benson would not do that
Paxton: They're good cops, but their loyalty is to eachother, not to you.
Alex: I Know you didn't get along with Stabler, but this is low, even for you.
Paxton: I don't have any axe to grind.
Alex: No, you just want to bury it in their backs.
Paxton: Who are you going to blame when you lose your job, Alex?
Alex: You're telling me not to trust them.
Paxton: No. I'm telling you to do your job and watch your ass.

Perverted [11.9]

Stabler: You look terrible!
Benson: Stop with the sweet talk…
Captain Cragen: Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses a penis.
Stabler: [to Olivia] Let's get you into bed.
Stabler: [opens Olivia's fridge] You have absolutely no food in this house.
Benson: They have this great thing, it's called delivery.
Stabler: Planning a tropical getaway? [holds up travel brochures]
Benson: A girl can dream, can't she? Stop snooping.

P.C [11.14]

Alex: That was quick. She didn't punch you again, did she?
Stabler: Ah, you know, some women just don't want to talk man to man.
Duffy: Stabler!
Stabler: I wish she would refuse to talk to me.
Duffy: Look, you pig-headed son of a bitch. You can't drag an innocent- [notices Alex] Hi. Babs Duffy.
Alex: Alex Cabot. I will leave you two alone.
Duffy: You don't have to.
Stabler: No, you want to say something, let's do it in the box.
Stabler: [to Olivia] I get hit, you get hit on.
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Season 12

Gray [12.9]

Benson: Who 'you calling?
Stabler: Hardwicke. Seeing what we should do with 'Chuckles' over here.
Fin: I'm ahead of you. Hardwicke's in Albany meeting with DAJ. The temp. ADA is on the way.
Stabler: Well, hopefully it's somebody who knows how to sort through this mess.
Paxton: How about me hun? Messes are my specialty [she enters the squad room] Hey Stabler, miss me?
Benson: [Surprised] Sonya... what are you doing here?
Paxton: You mean, how did I escape the drunk tank?
Stabler: No, she means, why us?

[Chuck opens the door to his room, expecting to see his girlfriend - instead, gets a surprise]

Chuck: Hello baby. Daddy's here. You called... Chuck-luck delivers - Big time! [Chuck quickly puts his pants back up, as the light turns on] Wow!
Paxton: Doesn't look that big to me.
Chuck: Who the hell are you?
Paxton: Sonya Paxton. I'm from the District Attorney's office. I heard you had something that could really rock my world but..
Chuck: I want a lawyer!
Paxton: Get a good one, 'cause I'm gonna kick your ass.
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Season 13

Scorched Earth [13.1]

[Special Victims Bureau Chief ADA Michael Cutter informs Cabot and Benson, that he does not see a win in the case.]
Cabot: I believe her. I heard thousands of stories, just like hers, when I was in Africa.
Michael Cutter: It's not getting that far. The new D.A. wants to drop the charges.
Cabot: [Gasps] All I ever heard about was how Mike Cutter was a crusader for Justice. What happened to you?
Michael Cutter: If we press a case that we can't win, we just tell the next victim that she's better off staying silent.
Cabot: If we let DiStasio walk, we send a message to the rest of the world, that in New York, the law doesn't apply to the rich and the powerful. We are here to even those scales - not cut and run.
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Principal cast

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Last modified on 15 May 2013, at 20:08