Kitchen Nightmares

For the uncensored version of the same series, see Kitchen Nightmares (uncensored).

Kitchen Nightmares is a reality TV series on FOX where Chef Gordon Ramsay visits failing restaurants across America and tries to help them turn around. It aired its first episode on September 19, 2007.

Season 1Edit

Peter's [1.01]Edit

Dillon's [1.02]Edit

Gordon: (finds a half tomato) Where's that from? That's been sliced. That's gone out. Where's that-- Hey madam, where's that tomato gone?
(the other half is being served on a dish in the dining room.)
Gordon: (digging through the slugs in the tomato.) Look! It's (bleep) rotten, you (bleep) idiot! IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! Has a customer just been served a slice of tomato?!!
Server: No, no, no.
Gordon: So where is it?!!
Andrew: (interview) Oh my god.
(A customer starts eating the other half of the tomato.)
Martin: (interview) Things are looking pretty glum.

Gordon: No one is getting served from this (bleep) restaurant tonight! Let's make that clear! Yes or no? Anyone against that?
Andrew: No.
Gordon: No, good.
Martin: (interview) That didn't go down too good. He was extremely angry and extremely pissed off.
Gordon: We are not...ever...again serving any of this food. I don't give a (bleep) what anyone says. Can you go and tell them that the kitchen is closed? Right now! Out there and tell them the truth! Tell them now!
Andrew: (interview) Gordon was so outraged. So angry. I've never seen anything like it.
Gordon: (who can be heard in the dining room) FROM GREEN BURGERS, TO (bleep) FURRY CUCUMBERS, TO (bleep) RANCID POTATOES!!!

The Mixing Bowl [1.03]Edit

[The New York Dragons were not on the reservation list thanks to Mike]
Lisa: (interview) The Dragons were supposed to be on that list and Mike just forgot!
Lisa: How is that missed? How is that overlooked?
Mike: Someone-- the dragons just...
Lisa: Mike, that's what I'm saying.
Mike: I'm not sure what transpired.
Lisa: (interview) It was so upsetting. The was no Dragons on there!
Gordon: My god. For me, it's the most important table. That's embarrasing.
Lisa: You're overlooking extremely important things!
Mike: I was not told about the Dragons. I found out...
Lisa: Well, why do you keep saying that?
Mike: (losing it) Because I wasn't!! I wasn't told!!
Lisa: Excuse me, do not talk to me like that!
Mike: I was told at 7:00 this morning. THAT IT!!! Seriously, I'm pissed off!! DRAGONS ON THE PAPER!!! I'm pissed off!! Not my fault!! Dragons over here, I put them on at 7:00. COULD WE PLEASE MOVE ON?!!! THAT'S IT!!! NOT MY FAULT!!!

Seascape [1.04]Edit

Gordon: (after tasting the crab cakes) They've got it wrong on the menu. It's not a crab cake. It's a crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I'll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.

Gordon: Twice baked potato. Thank (bleep) I missed that one twice.

Gordon: (finding frozen ravoli that he had for lunch) Bingo. These were my fresh lobster ravoli. Fresh? My (bleep) arse. I've eaten this (bleep)!

Gordon: I've never done that before, close down a restaurant, but that was a (bleep) embarassment. Seascape open? (slams closed sign over open one on sandwich board) Close the (bleep) place.

The Olde Stone Mill [1.05]Edit

Sebastian's [1.06]Edit

Gordon: (on the over-elaborate menu) You can't push an inherently-faulty concept. That's like shining a turd...absolutely futile.

Sebastian: Chef Gordon! (breaks the door open) Chef Gordon! Where the (bleep) are you? Where are you?
Gordon: I'm here.
Sebastian: You come into my restaurant?
Gordon: Yes.
Sebastian: I'm just so (bleep) disappointed.
Gordon: Wait. Don't shout here. You're going to calm down?
Sebastian: Stop pointing your finger at me.
Gordon: Are you going to calm down?
Sebastian: Are we going to speak like men? You're going to speak to me like a man?
Gordon: You didn't listen to what I've told you.
Sebastian: You didn't listen to what I'm saying.
Gordon: Did you hear what I've just told you?
Sebastian: I'm stepping away from you, because I don't want to be too close.
Gordon: You ungrateful...
Sebastian: You have no idea!
Gordon: Nasty, vindictive...
Sebastian: You have no (bleep) idea!
Gordon: Joker!
Sebastian: (Bleep) you! (walks away)
Gordon: This is it? (follows Sebastian)
Sebastian: Yeah, it is it! You're very disappointing!
Gordon: I was expecting (bleep) (bleep) performance tonight!
Sebastian: Are you (bleep) kidding me?! Your whole act is a (bleep) joke!
Gordon: Anything else?
Sebastian: Your whole act is a (bleep) joke! You're a phony!
Gordon: You shouldn't run like that.
Sebastian: Run like what?!
Gordon: Am I supposed to be scared now, Sebastian?
Sebastian: Come on, give me a break. I'm busting my ass in there. You tell me...
Gordon: You what?!
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you...
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you something...
Sebastian: You're telling me nothing! I'm done!
Gordon: There you go.
Sebastian: Yes. LOSER! And I'm going to tell you one more time, YOU'RE A (bleep, bleep)!!

Finn McCool's [1.07]Edit

Narrator: After feeling the heat of the firemen, Brian and sous chef Francis get back to work under the watchful eye of Gordon who can't believe what he sees.
[Francis drops a chicken wing on the floor while tossing it in the sauce and he picks up and throws it in the fryer]
Gordon: Francis, Francis, Francis, Francis. (Bleep) me, he's deaf as a (bleep) bat. Francis, you took it off the floor and put it in the fryer and then back in the sauce.
Francis: Yeah, well the fryer is gonna...is gonna...take anything that comes off the floor and clean it.
Gordon: But it fell on the floor.
Francis: Correct.
Gordon: Put it back in the fryer.
Francis: Right into the fryer.
Gordon: And it cleans it.
Francis: It cleans it. It sterilizes it.
Gordon: Sterilizes it?
Francis: Yeah well...
Gordon: (Bleep) me! Sterilized it.
[the wings are now being eaten at a table]
Buddy: What happened with that order?
Francis: I dropped a wing on the floor, picked it up and stuck it back in the fryer again.
[Buddy's eyes open wide in horror]
Brian: (interview) We tried to keep everything consistent but some things get messed up every now and then.
Buddy: What the (bleep) were you thinking?!
Gordon: (outside) Oh my god. I've never, ever, ever seen anything quite extraordinary as that. Serves food off the floor and serves it to the customer? Oh my god, no!

Lela's [1.08]Edit

[Gordon brings Buzzard (Daniel) back to Lela's after Buzzard stole leftover wine and food.]
Gordon: [shows Lela the stolen food] This is Buzzard's little picnic. Nice little sandwich there, ham, cheese, mustard. Oh, nice big salad. And main course, we're going to tackle some New Zealand lamb.
Buzzard: I know where that came from.
Gordon: Stop laughing. Here we are with a restaurant that's financially (bleep) screwed and you're just helping yourself to wine and a four course dinner.
Lex: (interview) He takes little things every now and then, but I haven't seen him do something like that in a while.
Buzzard: Now, listen. I'm not gonna stand there and argue with you. You can have that! Okay? (Walks out)
Gordon: This lady owns it. Buzzard? Unbelievable.
Lela: (interview) We were thinking that he was doing that but I hadn't caught him in the act and today, well there it is.

[Buzzard comes to work next morning]
Lela: (interview) I hate to have to fire anybody, but then you get to the point where if I can't get them to change what they're doing or whatever, then I have to get rid of him.
Gordon: Can I see your eyes? Take your glasses off. (Buzzard takes off his shades) Buzzard, anything that belongs inside this restaurant belongs to Lela. Yeah? End of story. Nothing gets taken off this premiscise.
Tabitha: (interview) If it was up to me, I'd fire Buzzard's ass.
Gordon: I get lots of people stealing from me and I just have one discipline, anyone who steals from me is out. End of story. Because, the message you send, They all see you do it, they all do it. Anyway, Lela, you're the one who's got to make the decision, it's your restaurant.
Lela: Yeah, so you know, I'm sorry but this is going to be it. All right? This is it.
Tabitha: (interview) Buzzard ain't gonna be back here. He ain't gonna be buzzing around here and he's truly a buzzard.

Campania's [1.09]Edit

The Secret Garden [1.10]Edit

Gordon: (taking off his jacket.) (Bleep) hell.
Narrator: With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Michel is insisting on reverting back to his old ways and Gordon has reached his breaking point.
Michel: Thank you very much.
Gordon: Cut the (bleep). You don't care anymore. Just get straight to the (bleep) answer.
Michel: I'm not cutting no (bleep). I'm just telling it like it is.
Gordon: Get straight to the (bleep) answer.
Michel: Alright? Your menu's not better than mine, you know?
Gordon: You're a donkey.
Michel: My food has been voted best Chef in Ventura county.
Gordon: WHAT?!!!
Michel: Yeah, listen.
Gordon: Hold On, Hold On. Let me finish!! Let me finish!! You put your (bleep) hands up here and listen to me. YOU RUN A (bleep)HOLE OF A KITCHEN!!! (Bleep) YOURSELF!!!
Michel: NO! NO! NO!
Gordon: (furious) (bleep) OFF!!! Who the (bleep) are you to turn around and tell me when you work like a PIG?!!! YOU FRENCH PIG!!!
Michel: Pig?
Gordon: YOU (bleep) PIG!!!! You're a lazy pig! You're so full of (bleep)! Open your eyes! Take a look around.
Michel: Big mouth! You're not happy?
Gordon: I'M (bleep) HAPPY!
Michel: Go on! You can get out!
Gordon: (flips Michel off) (Bleep) YOURSELF!!
Michel: You can get out! It's my (bleep) kitchen!!!
Gordon: Is It? Well if it's your (bleep) KITCHEN THEN CLEAN IT YOU LAZY (bleep)!!!!!
Michel: (flabbergasted) No.

Season 2Edit

Kitchen Nightmares Revisited: Gordon Returns [2.01]Edit

Handlebar [2.02]Edit

Giuseppi's [2.03]Edit

Trobiano's [2.04]Edit

Black Pearl [2.05]Edit

Gordon: A restaurant run by three passionate owners? No chance. Brian, he works two days a week. David, well I don't trust him one little inch. And as for Greg, well he's pissed off at both of them. Basically in a nutshell, Sleepy, Dopey and Grumpy. Who am I? Snow (bleep) White?

Gordon: You tell me about the passion with the Maine lobsters. Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: Same waters, North Atlantic waters.
Gordon: You're telling me now...a Canadian lobster, half the price of a Maine lobster, is the same taste and flavor? There's a big difference. I can't get Maine lobsters.
David: That's right, so they get them from Canada.
Gordon: I'm using Canadian lobsters.
David: That's right. That's what they do.
Gordon: But I don't advertise them as "Maine".
David: You tell me, is it a different animal?
Gordon: "Maine" is a "Canadian" lobster for you?
David: Homarus Americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: Holy (bleep)...
David: I'm asking you a question.
Gordon: What you're trying to dictate to me is that you're selling "Maine" lobster- they're not from Maine.
David: Well, it comes from the same vendor.
Gordon: [at a loss] Holy (bleep)! The award-winning Maine lobster roll...is Canadian!

Gordon: [to David] You're so full of (bleep) that you'd make a great politician.

Gordon: You amaze me.
David: What?
Gordon: Because all week long, face-to-face, you (bleep) pretend to care.
David: Oh, (bleep), Gordon. Come on.
Gordon: You don't give two (bleep) about this place.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're not passionate about running a restaurant.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're just abusing it and using it.
David: How did I- what, what, what did I do?
Gordon: I've never met an individual that's so full of (bleep) in all my life.
David: How have I been lying to you, Gordy? How? Tell me.
Gordon: Gordy?
David: Yeah, how? You want to disrespect me, I can disrespect you too. But tell me how I'm lying to you.
Gordon: I'm not disrespecting you, I'm telling you the truth.
David: No, you're disrespecting me 'cause you don't know the truth.
Gordon: You're just massaging your (bleep) ego.
David: Gordon, bull (bleep).
Gordon: What do you mean, bull (bleep)?
David: Not true.
Gordon: From the first minute you walked in this (bleep) door, standing there with your big long coat and your (bleep) sunglasses looking like a proud (bleep), that was it. First impressions. Then you start debating lobsters 'cause you think you're some smart-arse on the back of few (bleep) (bleep) dive books.
Gordon: [flashback] Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: [flashback] Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: "Humanus americanus," my arse-us.
David: Hmm.
Gordon: With 21 restaurants under my belt, I work my (bleep) arse off.
David: So what? So what?
Gordon: And I never take anything for granted.
David: [sarcastically] Fascinating, Gordon.
Gordon: You treat the staff like (bleep). You amaze me.
David: Never. Never do that.
Gordon: Excuse me?
David: Never.
David: [flashback] Cat, it's policy here for you not to have a drink here after your shift, but you often do.
David: Never.
Gordon: You can't even be honest with yourself, let alone me. Mate, you've been exposed.
David: Exposed?
Gordon: You're a hypocrite.
David: Is that right?
Gordon: Absolutely. For you, it's about a (bleep) TV show. This man [points to Greg], it's about a restaurant. (Bleep) the TV, David. And I mean (bleep) it. This is real for me. And for you, it's an image.
David: I disagree with you on almost everything you said.
Gordon: You do?
David: Yeah, I do.
Gordon: Why do you disagree?
David: Because you're wrong. The great Gordon Ramsay is wrong.
Gordon: You're a sad (bleep).

J Willy's [2.06]Edit

Hannah & Mason's [2.07]Edit

Gordon: What a beautiful, quaint little town. I can't think of a better way to spend Valentine's Day than at Hannah &... (sees that the sign is missing the N from "Mason's") Maso's? I guess they couldn't afford the "N." That's not a good start.

[Gordon goes down to the walk in fridge]
Gordon: I cannot believe that this is how you guys are running a restaurant!
Chris: (interview) Through my head, I was thinking "We're going to be screwed!"
Gordon: That's what in there?
Chris: That's the walk in freezer.
Gordon: That's the walk in freezer? Look at the mess in here! What's this here?
Brian: Bacon.
Gordon: Bacon. Yeah obviously bacon smart arse! That's from lunch? Yeah, five years ago! You leave a spatula in there like that? I'm sorry. No. I cannot believe what you guys are doing here.
Chris: There was so much going on. My head was spinning. My head was about to explode. I thought to myself, this is a disaster.
Gordon: What's that in there?
Brian: (Bleep) that didn't get put away?
Gordon: (finds cooked chicken sitting next to raw chicken.) Oh my god.
Chris: I don't know what the (bleep)...
Gordon: Oh (bleep) off! Oh my god! Oh no!
Chris: This is not good.
Gordon: RAW CHICKEN!
Brian: That should never happen.
Gordon: Oh my god! CHRIS, THERE'S (bleep) CHICKEN AGAINST RAW CHICKEN!!
Chris: It's (bleep)...
Gordon: HEY PANINI HEAD, LISTEN TO ME,
Chris: Yes?
Gordon: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE! I'VE EATEN HERE!! Partners? Partners in crime! You should be ashamed.
Brian: We are ashamed.
Gordon: You've just contanmanated the town!

Gordon: This is not a romantic eat-out. This is a Valentine (bleep) massacre!

Jack's Waterfront [2.08]Edit

[Gordon has just ordered a "krab" omelet...]

Gordon: Wow, look at the size of that. That's a lot of "krab". ... And you haven't told me about the "K" yet.
Erica the waitress: Oh, he said he wanted everybody to know that it wasn't real crab, it's artificial crab. So he spelled it with a K so there was no misconception.
Gordon: So it's fake crabmeat?
Erica: Uh-huh.
Gordon: In a seafood restaurant, on the water?


[After taking a bite of some rubbery fish and chips]

Gordon: When you take a bite of that cod, it's almost like you've got a breaded condom in your mouth.

Sabatiello's [2.09]Edit

[Dover sole stuffed with imitation crab meat is being sent back to the kitchen]
Sammy: What's the matter with this?
Waiter: She said it's not fresh, she said it's no good.
Gordon: It's (bleep) watery.
Sammy: Let me have a taste. How bad is it? (tastes it) It's not bad though! It's not bad! It's not bad! (Gordon tastes it and spits it out.) Ohhhh no! Come on! He spits it out. It's not bad.
Gordon: You're (bleep) delusional. It's mushy. It's watery. It's fake.
Sammy: It's not the right crab meat. You're right.
Gordon: And it's (bleep) disgusting. You're jumping up and down like a big (bleep) baboon and "Ho, ho! It's good!" Whoo!

Gordon: Watching this restaurant perform is embarrassing. Fake (bleep) crab meat inside of sole? It's pretty obvious, it's become the appendix of restaurants in Stamford. You just want to get rid of it and get it out.

Narrator: With food now coming back, it's a perfect opportunity for Gordon to witness Sammy's customer service skills.
Sammy: How did you want your meat cooked? Did you want it rare?
Lady: I wanted it medium rare.
Sammy: So can we make you another one? Will you wait or you don't want it all?
Lady: I'll wait, but the thing is I don't want you to stick it back in a microwave.
Sammy: No, we're going to throw that out and make you a new one. Nobody's talking about microwave. You're the one who's talking about microwave.
Lady: It came out of a microwave, otherwise it wouldn't be exsuding heat.
Sammy: Do you work for a microwave company? You know so much about microwave. Unbelieveable. Unbelieveable. Get the (bleep) out of here. Tell her to take a hike.
Customers: That is rude. Wow. To speak to a customer like that, that's disgusting.
[Later when the lamb is recooked and brought back to the lady, the restaurant breaks out in applause]
Sammy: No wait, we're not done yet. I wanna see you cut into it. How is it? Is it still too rare?
Lady: You know what? I'm done. No more chances.
Sammy: Unbelieveable. (interview) Oh my god. I just wanted to pick her up and throw her out. There's a right way and a wrong way of handling something like that and she was totally wrong.

Fiesta Sunrise [2.10]Edit

[Gordon finds a tray of ground beef with dried up fat covering it.]
Gordon: What is that?!!
Vic: Ground beef.
Gordon: Ground beef?!! Half of it's (bleep) fat you idiot! It's fatter than you!

Gordon: The fridge is full of (bleep)! It's, it's DISGUSTING! I wasn't here on Saturday, but what were they expecting? (Bleep) ten thousand customers for lunch? Patti, I'm (bleep) disgusted. Yolanda, that's a joke.
Yolanda: I understand. (interview) I don't want people to get sick and I don't want them to spread the word that the food is bad here.
Gordon: (to Vic) You're overstaffed. Under-worked. (bleep) food! I wouldn't trust you running a bar, let alone a (bleep) restaurant! You must be out of your tiny mind!
Vic: I care for the restaurant.
[Gordon grabs a huge bucket full of stale re-fried beans]
Gordon: I wanna take that out there. I dare you, take it out there. Go on, give it to them! Yeah, there you go.
Vic: Excuse me?
Gordon: Look at me! Why won't you take it out there?
Vic: That's embarrassing.
Gordon: Yeah, it is embarrassing. WHY ARE YOU SERVING IT?! YOU DON'T (bleep) CARE!
Vic: Why?
Gordon: Why?! Because you're serving that and trying to charge people money for that. That's why you don't care.
Vic: I care for-
Gordon: YOU DON'T CARE (bleep)! No (bleep) way!
[Gordon picks up the bucket of beans, carries it through to the dining room, and places it on a table in front of the shocked diners]
Gordon: (Bleep)! Ladies and gentlemen! I'm so sorry but we're stopping service. Everything you've had to eat, drink so far is all on the house. Sir, that thing you have in your hand, put it down! Because if you just seen where it came from like I have, you wouldn't be eating it. Very sorry. Close up. (to Vic) No bill anywhere!
Vic: (interview) I was like "What the hell are you doing?" You can't do that to my customers.
Gordon: By the way, there's your re-fried beans on the way out. Have a look at them.

Gordon: I wanted us all to get involved, and doing something together, yeah? I wanted a fun element. You (Patti) make a burrito, you (Yolanda) make a burrito, you (Vic) make a burrito, and the best one goes on the menu tonight. That's what I wanted to do. I couldn't do it, because of these little (bleep) here. LOOK AT THEM!
[We see that the kitchen is infested with dozens of cockroaches. The women look disgusted]
Yolanda: Oh my god! (interview) I feel sick to my stomach. I want to throw up, because I had coffee here earlier, and I don't know if the roach went through my cup.
Patti: I didn't know about this problem either.
Gordon: Two dishwashers, two prep cooks. Who's cleaning around here? Do they seriously put food on those plates?
Patti: (interview) Vic's here seven days a week. I don't know how he didn't realize the problems in the kitchen.
Gordon: Can't you see these? I'm trying to move forward, I'm trying to get going, but every time I put my foot on the ladder, I get knocked back. Did you know this was like this?
Vic: I noticed, I noticed, but, uh...
Gordon: You knew it?
Vic: Yeah.
Gordon: We're going to have to do something! We cannot open, we need an exterminator. How can I start even attempting to think of a new menu when the place is festering with cockroaches?!
Yolanda: I didn't expect this. I don't think it could get worse, I don't even know what could make it worse at this point.

Gordon: You can't run a (bleep) restaurant like that!
Vic: You think I'm mad? I'm (bleep) embarrassed now.
Gordon: You should be (bleep) embarrassed. I'm not putting one foot in that place 'til that place is (bleep) cleaned. Yes?
Vic: You're right.
Gordon: Now you start getting those guys cleaning, yes?
Vic: Definitely.
Gordon: WITH SOME (bleep) PRIDE! Do you understand the word pride?!
Vic: Yes.
Gordon: It's not possible for someone to have his head so far up his (bleep). (bleep) me.

Gordon: I've got four chefs who can't cook (bleep) rice, and soot all over the food. What is going on?! (bleep) me. You're supposed to put salt on the food, not (bleep) soot!

Santa La Brea [2.11]Edit

[Sampling the vegetarian "meat" substitutes on the kitchen]

Gordon: What is that?
Dean: Un-duck. It's... duck. But it's un-duck. Fake duck.
Gordon: Fake duck? So you call it... what?
Dean: We call it un-duck.
Gordon: Un-duck? Right now I feel like I'm getting completely (bleep). Is that popular?
Dean: Yeah, it is, actually. A lot of people ask for that, too.
Gordon: Un-duck... (bleep)... [as he reaches in and pulls out more "meat"]
Dean: That's fake fish.
Gordon: Fake fish? [sniffs, laughs and slides a hand under his collar]
Dean: It looks like fish, it tastes like fish, and it's got seaweed on the outside.

[Gordon rolls the cutely molded, fish-shaped, food-like substance over in his hands.]

Dean: [to audience] We have everything that's "un".

[Gordon strides into the walk-in, talking to audience.]

Gordon: This is incredible. So far I've had un-duck, un-fish... un-(bleep)ing-believable. What a mess.

Cafe 36 [2.12]Edit

Season 3Edit

Hot Potato Cafe [3.01]Edit

Flamango's [3.02]Edit

Bazzini [3.03]Edit

Mojito [3.04]Edit

Lido di Manhattan Beach [3.05]Edit

Le Bistro [3.06]Edit

Casa Roma [3.07]Edit

Gordon: This is incredible. Right through those doors has to be for me one of the worst restaurants I've ever seen in my entire cooking career. The chef doesn't give a (bleep), the owner's completely clueless and not any form of communication between the kitchen and the restaurant and the management. It's a (bleep) shandles.

[8:58 PM, two hours into dinner service]
Gordon: What are we waiting on Ashley?
Ashley: I'm still waiting on chicken pancotta with penne marinara, an individual kids pepperoni pizza, half order spaghetti with meat sauce, eggplant parmesean with angel hair meat, chicken pancotta angel hair marinara, three chicken parms and a veal parmesean ...for just one table. (interview) I really felt like crying because it was that embarrassing for me.
Gordon: Erick, can I have your undivided attention?
Erick: Sure.
Gordon: Nothing's happening. We served one table of four, one table of two. For the last three tickets, half an order's gone out, the other half is still on the board. You haven't got a clue what's going on. You're (Drew) running around crazy. What chance have we got serving 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, tables? You asked for one more crack at lunch time. "Let me go big boy! Let me go! I want to do it again!" We're spinning around and serving (bleep)! Do me a favor, close the (bleep) restaurant! I can't stand any longer and watch that embarrassment. I need the door (bleep) closed! Forget it! Good night!

Gordon: I can't even start with a chef that can't even know how to cook something basic. Why are you pulling a chef that is that incompentent? Darling, he's not in the slightest bit of interest of (bleep) making it work, he doesn't give a (bleep) about his cooking, doesn't give a (bleep) you and he's here for one thing and one thing only, money. And the only restaurant that (bleep) guy will ever get a job is in a restaurant that doesn't have any customers. If you've got any chance of surviving here, get rid of him. What are you scared of? Talk to me.
Nylah: Where am I going to find another chef?
Gordon: Drew. What's wrong with Drew?
Nylah: Drew, I think can carry it on.
Gordon: So get rid of him!
Nylah: Okay.
Gordon: Unbelieveable.
Erick: Babe, I'm sorry.
Nylah: No, no, just wait a minute. Jeremy come here.
Erick: I feel real bad.
Nylah: The whole thing is, this isn't the first time you've let us down. I just can't do it. I know but I just can't do it. You guys get your paycheck every week. Jeremy and I never take a dime out of here.
Erick: We understand that.
Nylah: I know but I mean, the whole thing is not going to work because you...
Erick: Okay so what do you want to do?
Nylah: We're going to part ways.
Erick: Okay that's no problem. Dammit! I (bleep) on that deal.
Nylah: (interview) He couldn't pull off lunch, couldn't pull off dinner and so we just had to let him go. You know I can't do this.

Mama Rita's [3.08]Edit

Anna Vincenzo's [3.09]Edit

Revisited: Gordon Returns 2 [3.10]Edit

Fleming [3.11]Edit

Sushi Ko [3.12]Edit

Revisited: Gordon Returns 3 [3.13]Edit

Season 4Edit

Spanish Pavilion [4.01]Edit

Classic American [4.02]Edit

PJ's Steakhouse [4.03]Edit

[Gordon orders crab cakes]
Gordon: Somebody spit on my food? What is that?
Server: It's coulis mango sauce.
Gordon: Oh, coulis mango. Thank you. [she leaves] Looks like something out of a modern art museum. Splat! Okay... [takes a bite] Wow. That's (bleep) disgusting. It's rancid. Plastic bits of crap running through the crab cakes.

Gordon: PJ's Steakhouse? "Pathetic Joke"! That's what it stands for!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 4 [4.04]Edit

Grasshopper Also [4.05]Edit

Davide [4.06]Edit

DownCity [4.07]Edit

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]
Gordon: You haven't got a head chef?
Abby: Jimmy is my head chef.
Gordon: So we have a head chef. Before, you weren't ready to confirm he was a head chef. All of a sudden, we discover this mess down here. Now, he's appointed.
Abby: Rico, why don't we just sell the place and just get out of the business?
Gordon: Why don't we what?!
Abby: I was talking to Rico. It has nothing to do with you.
Gordon: Has nothing to do with me?
Abby: No.
Gordon: Excuse me? What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying--
Abby: You're being a (bleep, bleep)! This wasn't like this. I don't run a kitchen like this!
Gordon: Hold on a minute. You're calling me a (bleep, bleep)?
Abby: I am!
Gordon: You stuck up precious little bitch! Let me tell you something!
Abby: Oh boy. Here we go.
Gordon: Listen to me!
Abby: I'm not going to listen to you.
Gordon: You're in denial!
Abby: I'm not in denial!
Gordon: Yes you are! You can't even (bleep) accept it!
Abby: (Bleep) you!
Gordon: And you walk out again!
Abby: I am! (Flips off Gordon) (Bleep) you! (walks upstairs)
Gordon: There you go. Flip the bird? (to Rico) That's your attitude and that's your partner? I'm really sorry but this wasn't like this before I got here? She's deluded, that woman.
Abby: You are insane!
Gordon: Blame me all you want! Easy excuses that you're insane!
Abby: I'm insane? You're insane!
Gordon: You can't even handle the (bleep) truth!
Abby: That refrigerator was not like that before you got here.
Gordon: You're in denial. Flip out again!
Abby: I would never allow my refrigerator to go like that.
Gordon: And those BONES?! The moldy lamb bones?!
Abby: I don't even talk to my staff like this! Why don't you get the (bleep) out of my restaurant?!
Gordon: You want me to go? I will go.
Abby: I would love you to go! Get the (bleep) out of my restaurant please!
Gordon: YOU ARE SO IN DENIAL, YOU NEED THERAPY!!
Abby: You're a disgrace to this industry! (Bleep) you and get out of my restaurant! Are you still here?
Gordon: (to the cameraman) Not now guys, please, please.
Abby: (Bleep) him!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 5 [4.08]Edit

Tavolini [4.09]Edit

Kingston Cafe [4.10]Edit

La Frite [4.11]Edit

Capri [4.12]Edit

Jim: Ready to get out of the business?
Jeff: No. Don't say that. (cries)
Jim: Come on, stop crying. (Bleep) grow up you (bleep)!
Jeff: (Bleep) you.

Narrator: Thanks to Chef Ramsay's encouragement, Jeff jumps back into the kitchen and tries to help his brother Jim.
Jeff: Keep it up Jim. You're doing a good job.
Narrator: But unfortunatly, he only makes matters worse.
Gordon: [looking at a raw chicken breast] Jim, what have you done to those?
Jim: I don't know what happened to those. I really don't.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the bag?
Jim: I think I defrosted them in the bag and I...
Gordon: Jeff.
Jeff: Yeah?
Gordon: The chicken tenders. What did you do to defrost them?
Jeff: I put it on the steam table.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the steam table from frozen?
Jeff: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh my god.
Jeff: Not what you're supposed to do?
Gordon: No! Frozen food needs to be defrosted naturally.
Jim: Right.
Gordon: Give me the bag. Where's the bag? [takes the bag from Jim] (Bleep)! [opens the bag to find slimy chicken] Oh my god almighty! We can't serve that! You'll (bleep) kill somebody! Jim, talk to me!
Jim: What am I supposed to say? It's a mistake.
Gordon: It's a lethal mistake! Is that what I ate lunch time?
Jim: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh (bleep)! I've been feeling a little bit crap all afternoon. What are you two doing?
Jim: I (bleep) up.
Gordon: "I (bleep) up."
Jim: Well, what do you want me to say?
Gordon: I want you to step up to the plate and be a man!
Jim: I screwed up!
Gordon: You haven't told anyone yet.
Jim: (interview) He was just being a jerk! He's an ass. I'm so tired of him just pushing and pushing!
Gordon: Grow some (bleep) and take it off the menu!
Jim: (interview) I've had enough. I'm so pissed! I can only take so much before I fight back.
Jeff: (Jim steps out of the kitchen and walks into the dining room.) Jim! Jim!
Jim: Out of the way! (announcing) Ladies and gentlemen! Due to circu-- circumstance, we have no chicken tonight. (Gordon groans) My apology to everyone here. If you just want to have what you're eating now and leave, I understand fully and I apologize.
Gordon: Hey, there may have been a more subtle way of doing that.
Jim: Get out of my way, (Bleep)! We cancelled all our chicken orders. We got screwed!
Gordon: Will you stop acting like a baby?
Jim: Oh, grow it out of your (bleep)!
Gordon: Excuse me?!
Jim: You heard it!
Gordon: Hey, you need a little diaper changing? That time of night?
Jim: I'll give you something!
Gordon: A little poo-poo? Cack your pants?
Jim: (interview) He's the baby. He's the one that's whining over everything. I don't need to hear this crap.
Gordon: Jim, why do you have to behave like this?
Jim: I'm not going to get yelled at!
Gordon: You're acting around like a big baby. I'm just asking you to grow up a little bit! Show a little respect for what you're trying to cook.
Jim: (Bleep) off!
Gordon: Oh my god! You big wet noodle! Do you want a blanket and a bottle?
Jim: Do you need one? Upside the head?
Jeff: Jim, stop it please.
Gordon: Oh my god. What a spoiled brat!
Jim: (Bleep) you!
Jeff: Jim, shut up please! You're not helping the cause. (Jim's pan catches fire.)
Gordon: Oh my god! Now he's setting himself on fire.
Jim: I hope so.
Gordon: (To Darian) Are they always acting this childish?
Darian: Oh yeah. They don't get their way, they cry or throw a temper tantrum.
Gordon: Oh my god. To walk into the dining room like that and scream.
Darian: That's what I said. A temper tantrum. (interview) There's a part of me that's very satisfied to see the boys finally get what they deserve. A lesson in humility.

[after dinner service]
Gordon: Okay, today can be summed up in one four letter word: lazy. I can't even start to help both of you when you're not even helping yourselves. I really needed to do something. Both of you, go through your kitchen and clean it. Not your staff, you, both of you. Got it?
Jeff and Jim: Yeah.
Gordon: Good night. Get to work. [leaves]
Jeff: (interview) We were lazy. Now we're paying for it. We're failures.
Jeff: Yay.
Jim: [sobbing while cleaning a refrigerator grate] It's making it dirtier. Can't...do this.
Jeff: What's wrong Jim?
Jim: I can't clean anything. I'm a failure. I'm making a mess. (interview) I feel bad. We are in trouble. I really don't know if we can fix it. That's the problem.
Jim: I'm not cleaning anything up.
Jeff: Go take a break Jim.
Jim: No, I can't take a break, cause I'm too lazy as it is. I'm fine. I gotta clean this up.

Jeff: By the way, we have HOMEMADE MEATBALLS!

Zeke's [4.13]Edit

Oceana [4.14]Edit

[Gordon's blackened duck has been sent back to the kitchen]
Moe: Oh, my God. [groans] It's tough?
Rami: Look how tough the duck is!
Moe: You said it's tough?
Rami: It is tough, man! Cut it! And look- I'm 500 pounds, and look... [tries to cut it]
Damon: It is not tough.
Rami: The meat is tough!
Moe: I'm hungry and I'm gonna (bleep) eat 'em up myself.
Moe: [interview] That's my favorite dish on the menu. And that duck is not going nowhere. This is gonna stay quackin' on my menu.
Moe: I don't give a (bleep) if he doesn't like it. [takes a bite] Man, this duck is so (bleep) good, man. (interview) Oh my gosh, (kisses).
Moe: Hey look, that's the skin.
Rami: It's tough. (interview) Moe doesn't get it. He doesn't want to listen, he still thinks it's tender. I don't know what kind of teeth he has.
Moe: You know what? I'd like him to come back here and cook the duck and show him what his duck look like. We're going to call it the "Gordon duck!" (laughs; Gordon can hear it.) It's gonna be a British duck right there! (laughs)
Gordon: What the hell's going on in there?
Rami: How's it going, Chef?
Gordon: They're laughing. What is going on in there?
Rami: The food is coming back to the kitchen and they think it's a joke.
Gordon: Um, can I meet the chef?
Rami: Absolutely.
Chef: [Mocks Gordon back in the kitchen] "It's bloody dreadful! (Bleep) bloody!"
Moe: [interview] Chef Ramsay is clueless. I really don't think that British can cook period.

Gordon: Damon, when was the duck cooked?
Damon: I can't give you an answer.
Gordon: Oh, come on! I mean, what the (bleep) is this?
Damon: I don't know.
Gordon: You don't know when the duck was cooked?!
Damon: No.
Gordon: Do you know when the duck was cooked?
Chef: No sir, I don't.
Gordon: Do you know when the duck was cooked? [another chef shakes his head] HOLY (bleep)!
Moe: I know when the (bleep) duck was cooked! I know!
Gordon: WELL, THANK (bleep) FOR THAT!!! SOLVE THE MYSTERY!
Moe: We cook the duck off the premises. And we usually cook it about once a month.
Gordon: You cook the duck off the premises?
Moe: Yes, in our commissary kitchen.
Gordon: And it stays in the fridge for a month?!
Damon: Freezer.
Gordon: OH, (bleep)!

Gordon: (finding tons of pasta in the fridge) I'm trying to help you understand a method to your madness.
Damon: Hey (bleep)! I'm not the one who just said it was done yesterday. I asked my prepper.
Gordon: You can call me a (bleep) all you want. So get (bleep) angry with me.
Damon: You're standing here hearing me ask the person who knows and I gave you his answer.
Gordon: Right, who's the (bleep) chef around here?
Damon: I am.
Gordon: Right. Bags of jumbalaya, in the fridge. Warm. Have you any idea what happens to bags of jumbalaya in the fridge when it's still warm in the center?
Chef: Grows the bacteria?
Gordon: Grows the bacteria. (finds bins of crabs) And how many crabs are you selling chef over the next (bleep) three months? Loss for words...Really?! Another box of crabcakes. When were these made? No date you see chef!
Moe: (interview) There was nothing but dollar signs going through my mind. Soft shell crabs, jumbalaya, crawfish thrown straight down the garbage. Chef Damon just took the money right out of our pockets.
Gordon: (finds a dirty tray) I don't what you think you should be taking out of containers and sort of cleaning out your fridge from time to time. One more (bleep) question to you, who's the (bleep) now chef?
Damon: I am.
Gordon: I didn't come in here to humiliate you, but how DARE YOU serve me food from this disgusting fridge and STAND THERE and call me a (bleep) chef! Excuse me, chef.



[Gordon walks to where the grill is smoking]
Gordon: Who told you to put oil under there?
Chef: Damon.
Gordon: The chef? So you spray the grill with oil? [cough] [cough], (bleep) (bleep)!

Moe: I NEED THIS (bleep) PLACE SCRUBBED DOWN, TOP TO BOTTOM! I WANT THE TVs WIPED! I WANT THE PIANO WIPED! I WANT THIS PLACE CLEAN! WHAT PART DON'T YOU (bleep) UNDERSTAND?! [throws down a chair] WE JUST SHUT DOWN THE (bleep) RESTAURANT!!! TONIGHT!!! NOBODY SEEMS TO GET THAT (bleep)!!! CLEAN THIS (bleep) MESS!!!

Gordon: I'm going to do some work in the kitchen. Do you have any recipes...on pen and paper?
Moe: [points to his head] Right here.
Gordon: What?!
Moe: Right here.
Gordon: So why aren't they on pen and paper? Why haven't we got a database?
Moe: I like to keep my recipes secrets. If I put them on a piece of paper, I don't want anyone to steal them.
Gordon: (Bleep) hell. Oh, (bleep). So you're worried that somebody gets the recipe and copies it.
Moe: Anybody changes my recipe, I'm going to kill them. It's my recipe.
Gordon: Rami, help me out here. Is this for real?
Rami: This is what we do everyday chef. [Gordon laughs]
Moe: You think it's funny but believe what I tell you.
Gordon: I don't think it's funny, You're just a little bit deluded.
Moe: Well you know what? The recipes are in my head.
Gordon: [incredulously] Are you stupid?!
Moe: I am not stupid.
Rami: Moe, you are stupid. [interview] The kitchen absolutely don't know what the (bleep) to cook because the recipe is in Moe's head! It's crazy.
Moe: Don't call me stupid in my (bleep) restaurant! You understand that you need to learn how to talk to people?! This is New Orleans! You understand?!
Gordon: Wow...
Moe: This is New Orleans! Don't (bleep) come down here talking to us like that!
Gordon: Calm down...
Moe: I have NEVER been chewed up like you chewed me up! (in interview) We got nothing but swamp around here! Anybody who talk like that get chopped up and fed to the (bleep) alligators!
Gordon: I'm not here to blow smoke up your (bleep) arse, let me tell you that. I'm here to fix this restaurant. But you are one obstacle, aren't you?
Moe: No, I'm an easy-going guy...I listen, I work hard....
Gordon: But you're a..."busy idiot."
Moe::....I don't think he gets it that he needs to watch his language.
Rami: But you're not getting that he's here to help us.
Moe: But I'm not calling him an idiot, he's calling me an idiot.
Gordon: "Busy" idiot.
Moe: Busy idiot.
Gordon: You're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: I mean, I feel like flipping the (bleep) table right now.
Rami: Did you hear what he said? He just explained it, you're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: Busy idiot! Is he kidding me?! [in interview] I will stand up, beat the (bleep) out of him, and show him who the (bleep) idiot is!
Gordon: What is it you want? A fight?
Moe: [long pause] My problem is, I wanna make this restaurant successful.
Gordon: So do I. I'm here to help. I don't want to see you running around killing yourself like a busy idiot. I've just gone over the fact that we haven't got any recipes on paper, and all in your head. You're worrying about writing them down for some other chef copying them and making their restaurants more successful than yours. I'm in the real world. That's where I am. You're treating me like one of your (bleep) staff. Well, let me tell you, Moe, I'm not a member of your staff. Flip the table, punch me, do the (bleep) what you wanna do. But don't (bleep) with me.

Season 5Edit

Blackberry's [5.01]Edit

[Gordon sees a wok where Shelly's cooking her food on]
Gordon: Am I seeing right? You've got a three-burner wok there. Is that a pizza oven?
Shelly: Yes, that is my pizza oven. And the wok. I love it, chef.
Portia: (passes between Gordon and Shelly) Sorry, chef.
Gordon: Shelly, how can you cook soul food in a wok?
Shelly: Watch me, chef! Watch me!
Mateen: (interview) Soul food is supposed to be cooked slowly. Soul food is cooked with love and soul. Not in a wok. Shelly's cooking green beans in a wok, cooking rice in a wok, cabbage in a wok. We're not a Chinese soul-food restaurant. We don't need a wok, ok?
Gordon: (to Mateen) That's a first to me. A Southern food restaurant with a Chinese wok and a pizza oven?
Mateen: Yeah, the oven that doesn't work, right there.
Gordon: Tell me what's working, apart from you.

Leone's [5.02]Edit

Mike & Nellie's [5.03]Edit

Luigi's [5.04]Edit

Revisited: Gordon Returns 6 [5.05]Edit

Greek at the Harbor [5.06]Edit

Burger Kitchen (Part 1) [5.07]Edit

Gordon: [reads menu] Executive chef... David Blaine?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: What, the magician?
Alan: No, no, no, he's not the magician. It's just coincidentally the same name. He was the head pastry chef at the Peninsula Hotel.
Gordon: Now he's the executive chef of the burger restaurant?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: David Copperfield your dessert chef?
Alan: [humorlessly] No.

David: I follow the recipes as I am told by the owners and if I try to change the recipes, I am tossed out of here.
Gordon: What?!
Alan: That's not quite true.
David: It's not true?
Gordon: Come on, guys, man up.
David: [mutters] Been drinking again.
Gordon: Drinking again?
Gen: My husband doesn't drink.
David: I don't know. I don't know. I can't get the truth out of anybody here.
Gordon: Explain this to me, Gen.
Gen: He does have a lot of control in the kitchen.
David: That's not true, chef.
Gen: What about the mushrooms? You changed the whole recipe and you added wine.
David: You didn't want salt on the mushrooms. Let's tell the truth.
Gen: Did you add wine to the mushroom recipe?
David: That's how you make sautéed mushrooms.
Gen: I just asked you a question. Did you add wine?
David: Yes, ma'am.
Gen: You didn't tell anyone that you added wine to the mushrooms.
Alan: Honey, you're missing the point. You're focusing on a mushroom.
Gen: Mushrooms are important to me. I'm from Poland.
[Gordon shakes his head in disbelief]
David: I think a lot of the problem is, instead of putting sugar in that coffee, put a little Prozac in it.
Gen: David, I just want the truth.
David: This is the truth: I would be better off as a brain surgeon than you running this restaurant.

David: That Gen is a liar, dude. She can't tell the truth.
Chef: She's crazy.
David: The whole place should be on (bleep) LSD, man.

Burger Kitchen (Part 2) [5.08]Edit

Michon's [5.09]Edit

El Greco [5.10]Edit

Revisited: Gordon Returns 7 [5.11]Edit

Park's Edge [5.12]Edit

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]
Gordon: [showing moldy lemons] Look what's in the box. Who turns the produce over? Who turns the freshness?
Jorge: That's my staff.
Gordon: Really? [tosses the lemons away] (Bleep) me! Seriously?
Jorge: Why throw my lemons like that for? Why are you taking my product and throwing it away?
Gordon: THEY'RE MOLDY YOU PILLOCK! Do you want to see some more? Stay there! Chicken. (smells) (Bleep) hell! Look at this. What's this for? [Shows dehydrated potatoes] When were those made?
Jorge: Those were made today. Those are not going to be served to the public.
Gordon: They're not going to be served to the public.
Jorge: I'm telling you that I'm not going to serve those!
Gordon: So you're saving them for what? Talk to me then.
Jorge: Those were from this morning.
Gordon: You (bleep) little (bleep)!
Jorge: You're the little (bleep)! I'm telling you, those were made today.
Gordon: Oh, right!
Jorge: If you don't believe me, that's your responsibility.
Gordon: Okay, so, you're lying through your teeth!
Jorge: I am not lying through my teeth.
Gordon: Yes you are! You can't even tell me the truth. Do you know why? Because you don't know and you're a (bleep) joke!
Jorge: [throws the potatoes away] You're a joke too, man!
Gordon: Are you going to walk off then?
Jorge: All you're doing is hammering it!
Gordon: Do you know what? What upsets me more than anything is that you don't realize you're playing at running a restaurant. And the minute you start looking at yourself in the mirror and stop blaming the people around you, the quicker you may get this place turned around. Got it? Good! (Bleep) joke!

[During prep for relaunch night]
Jorge: Okay, so you do the frying station.
Matt: I will not cook a chicken wing.
Jorge: What's that?
Matt: I do not feel comfortable frying a chicken wing unless she wants to put on a pair of orange shorts and serve it.
Jorge: They're here to train us. Are you going to turn around and give them a hard time? Check yourself before you check them out, okay? Not gonna happen again. (interview) He has this huge ego about frying chicken. It's really irrelevant. He's here to do what I tell him to do, not what he wants to do.
[Jorge and Richard bring Matt outside to talk with Gordon]
Gordon: What's going on?
Matt: You put a bunch of (bleep) chicken wings on the menu and somebody ought to (bleep) put on some orange shorts out there and serve it.
Gordon: Okay, so how about a little bit of respect and showing these two guys?
Matt: Well how about (bleep) respect a fine dining restaurant and not (bleep) put chicken wings on the menu?
Gordon: A fine dining restaurant?
Jorge: Are you (bleep) listening to us?
Gordon: Who the (bleep) do you think you are?
Matt: Who do you think I am? A guy who knows when a menu sucks!
Gordon: How dare you get jumped up and tell the owners that the menu's (bleep) because you think you know better? Well, why aren't you doing better? Why haven't you got a restaurant? How about having the intelligence to calm down and to start again?
Jorge: Is that possible? Yes or no?
Matt: It's possible.
Richard: Will you do it? Yes or no?
Matt: Yes.
Richard: Thank you.

[During dinner service for relaunch night]
Matt: This is (bleep) ridiculous!
Gordon: Come on, Matt. I know you hate the wings but just serve them please. Hate me, don't hate the wings.
Matt: You got your orange shorts? Orange shorts!
Gordon: Cut the (bleep) till the end of service. Okay big boy?
Matt: Come on!
Gordon: Hey you, why do you want to (bleep) around and take the piss? Let me tell you something really important.
Matt: What's that?
Gordon: I have (bleep) forgotten more than you know. Just serve the food and shut the (bleep) up, smart-arse!
Jorge: Matt, what is the big deal?
Matt: I'm trying to have a good time.
Jorge: You're not having a good time, you're trying to make life tough.
Matt: I'm having a good time.
Gordon: Why is he acting like this?
Melanie: Because he's a jackass. (interview) Matt is beyond the weakest link. You're here to do a job, do it!
Matt: Pork belly's in the window.
Gordon: Matt, that's overcooked. I know you don't care but I do. And you're supposed to be working hard tonight to get this place turned around. Why are you now trying to sabotage it? Mr. (bleep) thinks he can't (bleep) cook a chicken wing! Can't even drop a piece of pork belly in the fryer. Look at it, dry, piece of overcooked pork belly! You're going to start sending us down.
Jorge: Matt, you're seriously going to (bleep) me over right now?
Matt: No.
Jorge: Why are you being a piece of (bleep) with me?
Richard: (interview) I don't know if there's something wrong with Matt or not. I'm not a violent man by any means, but if he (bleep) it up for me tonight, I will literally...do something.

[after Matt sends an overcooked pork belly for the second time]
Jorge: Matt, why are you (bleep) up service tonight? You're making me look like (bleep).
Matt: Just chill out with the (bleep) drama.
Jorge: What did you say?
Matt: Chill out with the drama!
Jorge: Get out of here! Right now! Get the (bleep) out, right now! You know what? That's it. (shoves Matt) Get out of here!
Matt: Alright, fine. That's cool if you're going to be serious like that. (leaves)
Richard: Matt, see ya!

Spin A Yarn [5.13]Edit

Charlie's [5.14]Edit

Gordon: (to Tatiana about bad meatballs) What's your complaint about the meatballs?
Tatiana: He said it was toasted on one side, not toasted on the other.
Gordon: Really? How about telling your (bleep) chef?!
Casimiro: Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: Now's he's getting upset with me because I called him out. When a guy can't make a meatball or even season one, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And then when I watch a chef that cooks and sticks food up there and holds it, and we're not talking homemade food, we're talking bought in store bought. My god, it hurts.
Casimiro: Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: And look at that for a stinking attitude! Look at that! A disgusting attitude! Ask him to put his house in the (bleep) mix. If his house was on the line, he wouldn't be cooking like a (bleep) idiot! (Casimiro laughs) Now he thinks it's funny!
Tatiana: What the (bleep) are we gonna do?
Gordon: You think it's funny? Yeah? It's a joke!

Cafe Hon [5.15]Edit

Gordon: [Looking for the restaurant] Restaurant with flamingo. [Stops in surprise as he sees a giant pink flamingo above the restaurant] Holy Mackerel. Look at the size of that thing. Wow. Are you serious? Look at that. Wow, wow, wow!

[After dinner service chef Greg sitting out back as Chef Ramsay comes out as well]

Gordon: Oh (Bleep), uh what the (Bleep) is that all about?
Greg: It's (Bleep).
Gordon: Honestly?
Greg: Yeah.
Gordon: (Shakes head) I mean is she really like that?
Greg: Yes.
Gordon: How do you concentrate like that?
Greg: You can't, I mean you really can't!
Gordon: Not only is she 86ing everything in the middle of service.
Greg: I really can't tell you.

Chiarella's [5.16]Edit

Zocalo [5.17]Edit

Season 6Edit

La Galleria 33 (Part 1) [6.01]Edit

La Galleria 33 (Part 2) [6.02]Edit

Mama Maria's [6.03]Edit

Ms. Jean's Southern Cuisine [6.04]Edit

[Gordon has been served a pork chop so dry that he sets it upright on the plate]
Gordon: How sad is that? Honestly, come on. How...(bleep)...depressing...is that? It's like the map of America. [points around the pork chop] Start on the East Coast. There's California, where that little dark spot is. Come to central, Midwest. Then we have Seattle. We're here. [points] Pittsburgh. God bless America. [swats at a fly] (Bleep) off, fly.

Barefoot Bob's [6.05]Edit


[Showing Marc and sous chef Chris the freezer and what he found in there]

Gordon: Look. [Showing bag of pork belly that's raw]
Chris: Oh what, that is pork fat.
Gordon: Just hold that two seconds; that's next to this: [Pulls out container of chicken wings not frozen] (Bleep) wings, and the top is soaking wet because it's (Bleep) full of condensation! And this! [Pulls container out] Who grabs that out there and doesn't think about changing the bowl. Who could be that dirty? Chili?
Chris: Chili.
Gordon: (Bleep) around the outside. LOOK AT THE MESS OF THIS PLACE! It's (Bleep) ridiculous! SOMEONE (Bleep) MAN UP! [Stares at Chris who is petrified] Young man, you are running a business! Whole wings, next to the (Bleep) raw pork? You'll kill everybody!

Revisited #8 [6.06]Edit

Olde Hitching Post [6.07]Edit

Levanti's Italian Restaurant [6.08]Edit

Narrator: After Chef Ramsay discovered rotten chicken...
Gordon: Look at how slimy it is!
Narrator: ...and moldy sauce...
Gordon: You disgusting pigs.
Narrator: ...Dino and Gina blame the shut down of the restaurant on...
Dino: (to the customers) Chef Ramsay has shut us down.
Gordon: Dino, you're telling them that I'm shutting it down.
Narrator: And now, Chef Ramsay is determined to give a more accurate description.
Gordon: (walks out to the dining room) Ladies and gentlemen, may I just have your attention for 30 seconds? First of all, my apologies, but I'm not going to BS anybody. I am not shutting this restaurant down, I am stopping the owners from serving this disgusting mess! From chicken that's already slimed, off, gone, to basil that was never fresh, to a tomato sauce that's actually caked in mold. I am not going to sit here and blame party for that.
Dino: Oh my god. I'm embarrassed.
Gordon: And whilst I'm totally appreciative of you for leaving your homes and coming tonight for dinner, I've got too much respect for you and too much respect for the industry. I am not going to be part of this any longer. My sincere apologies. (walks to the door and bumps into it, not realizing it's a pull door) (Bleep) door!

Sam's Mediterranean Kabob Room [6.09]Edit

Nino's Italian Restaurant [6.10]Edit

Mill Street Bistro (Part 1) [6.11]Edit

Mill Street Bistro (Part 2) [6.12]Edit

Joe: [starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?
Gordon: I haven't got the appetite Joe.
Joe: I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."
Gordon: What the (bleep) are you on? What the (bleep) are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy." An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a (bleep) good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your (bleep)?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his (bleep) farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up Joe! You're joking aren't you?
Joe: We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.
Gordon: It's disgusting Joe!
Joe: So you wouldn't give me any input on it?
Gordon: Get rid of it!
Joe: You want me to get rid of it right (bleep) now?!
Gordon: I would! I would!
Joe: You're in a (bleep)! We don't have it!
Gordon: Oh here we go! Here we go!
Joe: We don't have it!
Gordon: Here we (bleep) go!
Joe: Make yourself clear.
Gordon: Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy."! ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!
Joe: Don't (bleep) serve the thing right?
Gordon: WHO'S RESTAURANT IS IT?!!
Joe: It's my (bleep) restaurant!
Gordon: THEN ASK!! WHO'S RESPONSIBLE?!!
Joe: I'm asking for (bleep) help!
Gordon: THEN WAKE UP!!!
Joe: YOU WAKE UP!!
Gordon: IDIOT!!
Joe: (Bleep) come in here and help me instead of running your jaw!!
Gordon: YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE KITCHEN! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! (to Tom) Let's finish it. Finish it. (to Joe) (Bleep) OFF THEN!!
Joe: (Bleep) off!
Gordon: (throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that (bleep) with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!
Joe: That's not what I'm asking!
Gordon: GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the (bleep) problem. Unbelievable. Un(bleep)real.

Yanni's [6.13]Edit

Prohibition Grille [6.14]Edit

Rishi: I thought it would be a good idea to open a restaurant.
Gordon: Were you intoxicated at the time?

Chappy's [6.15]Edit

Amy's Baking Company [6.16]Edit

Gordon: I can't help people... that can't help themselves... that cannot ever take one ounce of criticism. And if you're not willing to change, I'm not going to butt heads, argue, scream, whatever you want to say. But, this is not normal. And it's not normal for a restaurant to go through that many staff. It's not normal for a kitchen that small to have 65 items on the menu. And it's not normal for the level of animosity that you built inside this restaurant and outside. You have the right to run the business the way you want to run your business. I have the right to do the right thing. And the right thing for me... is to get out of here. Good luck.
[Gordon leaves via the restaurant's front door]
Samy: This is what you wanted?
Amy: Yeah, of course this is what I want. I'm not participating in this (bleep), give me a break! (points to her microphone) Take this thing off me. (interview) We don't need his help! Maybe he knows that.
[the production crew is shown dismantling the camera and lighting equipment]
Crew member: It all has to come down.
Amy: (interview) Now he's gone, he walked away. He'll go on with his life, and Samy and I will go on with our life.

Gordon: Well, it's finally happened. After almost a hundred Kitchen Nightmares, I met two owners who I could not help. It wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because they are incapable of listening. And in a short period of time, they've managed to piss off the community and go through over a hundred employees in one year. Samy and Amy continued to blame everyone else, yet their biggest problem is themselves. And I know whatever changes I would've made, they were never going to stick with them and that's why I've decided to do something I've never done before. It's such a shame.
[Gordon walks to and enters his car, starts the engine, and drives off]

Season 7Edit

Return to Amy's Baking Company [7.01]Edit

Pantaleone's [7.02]Edit

(Paulette has just placed a HUGE pizza in front of Gordon]

Paulette: Here's your sausage pizza.
Gordon: [eyes wide as saucers] Holy crap...
Paulette: Isn't that ridiculous?
Gordon: [facepalms] It's like the pizza that ate Denver.


[Remarking on a disappointing meatball hero sandwich]

Gordon: Definitely not a hero, there. There's a typo on the menu. It's not "hero", it's "zero".


[After pouring a sinister yellow liquid off his linguine with clams]

Gordon: Looks like one of the worst urine samples you could ever give.


[After Gordon conducts a taste test... and Pete's pizza does not exactly come out looking good...]

Gordon: I think, Pete, you've overestimated how good your pizza is. ... I did a little research in Denver. Here's the results in a nutshell. 75 percent preferred the pizza from the top local Italian restaurant. In second place, with 15 percent of the votes, was the store-bought frozen pizza. And in third, and last position, was yours with only 10 percent of the votes. You're actually beaten by a store-bought (bleep) frozen pizza. Get the message?


Pete: I love you, you old Brit.

Old Neighborhood [7.03]Edit

Kati Allo [7.04]Edit

Last modified on 19 April 2014, at 23:08