Keeping the Faith is a 2000 comedy-drama film, written by Stuart Blumberg, directed by Edward Norton and starring Ben Stiller, Jenna Elfman and Norton. The film was released by Touchstone Pictures and Spyglass Entertainment, in association with Triple Threat Talent on April 14, 2000.
- Rabbi: Let me just say... Oy.
- Father Brian: Amen to your oy.
- Anna: You don't understand. I have a relationship with my phone, we have a chemistry together, I can't explain it.
- Jacob: God was showing off when he made you.
- Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their heads. And if he cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
- Indian Bartender: Let me guess. Your old lady got fed up because you're out here chasing the skirt so she took these little ones and left you.
- Father Brian: It's a little more complicated than that.
- Indian Bartender: Sure it is. Everyone thinks his story is the one with a twist. Well let me tell you, I've heard just about everything there is to...
[Brian unzips his jacket... revealing his priest's collar]
- Indian Bartender: Holy shit.
- Father Brian: Exactly.
- Father Brian: Sometimes we don't see certain things until we're ready to see them in a certain way.
- Anna: So this is a rectory. That sounds like a dirty word. Rectory!
[Brian, a celibate priest, confesses his love for Anna, to Jake's astonishment]
- Jacob: I mean, she's like your sister!
- Father Brian: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion.
- Anna: I work harder than God! If he had hired me, he would have made the world by Thursday.
- Rachel: Oh my God! The Iraqi defense minister just committed suicide!
- Rabbi: Ooh!... Is that bad or good?
- Don: [in a thick Philipino accent] How you guys doing? I'm Don. Don, rhytime with flon. You have any question?
- Father Brian: Yes, Yes. Indeed, Don. We do. Is this a good machine?
- Don: Yeah, it is good if you cheap bastard. No, jus... just doing comedy with you. That one is okay. But if you are serious about Kar'-oke.
- Father Brian: Oh, we are!
- Don: Okay, then... there is only one model for you. The AUDIO 2000. This baby got the 16-bit dual D/A converter, 3 beam checking, digital key controller, so you can change the pitch if your voice sucks. But I don't need that.
- Father Brian: That's nice. How much?
- Don: Price is not important.
- Father Brian: No price is very important, actually.
- Don: Okay, you got me; take me away. Okay, it's a little bit expensive. But let me tell you, it's worth it. When you sing to your girlfriend.
- Father Brian: Uh huh.
- Don: And her heart thweaaaatt-boom! Fall down on the floor, you say thank you, Don.
- Father Brian: How much does it cost, exactly?
- Don: [motions them over and begins to talk quietly in an American accent] Alright, here's the real deal. Um, I don't usually do this, but you guys look like cool guys, and uh, I got a little piece of ass last night, so I am feeling extra generous.
- Rabbi: Oh!
- Don: I'm going to let you guys have it for $1,300.
- Father Brian: $1,300?
- Don: Final offer.
- Father Brian: Uh, excuse me, I just got a little warm.
[unzips jacket to reveal priest's collar]
- Rabbi: My friend, he gets, he gets a little warm.
- Don: [sees priest's collar] Oh, man! What is that? What is... get out of here with that. Is that real?
- Father Brian: Oh, yeah!