Last modified on 23 July 2014, at 22:36

Katt Williams

Katt Williams

Katt Williams is a comedian.


Pimp ChroniclesEdit

"We got our soldiers fighting gangsta niggas. Them terrorists is gangsta. How the fuck you gonna scare somebody that wanna die? Like: 'I'll kill your mothafuckin ass.' 'Thank you very much.' What the fuck?"
"Those mothafuckas is gangstas. They don't be bluffin' neither. We be thinkin' they bluffin', they won't be bluffin'. They'll be right there on National TV just hehehehehehehe trolololololol[in a stereotypical Iraqi accent] 'If you are not do, what we are say to do, tomorrow at Tweleve o'clock, we're going to cut off his head'. We bet 'That's a bullshit, ain't nobody gonn' cut off a mothafuckin head on National TV'. Very next day at 11:59 they just" [covers the lower half of his face with his jacket, looks at the watch and knocks the mic-stand over].
"We be like Shiiiit. Play it again play it again. Shiiiit. Them mothafuckas we can't be bullshit with them. We gotta get our soldiers away from them mothafuckas."
"You don't believe our government gangsta? Tell me what the Iraqi uniform look like. [short pause] Don't worry, I'll wait. We ain't killin' they army nigga, we killin' them. We over there killin' niggas in tank tops, sweatpants, flip-flops and a cowboy hat. You shouldn't have been talkin' shit."
"Never in the history of niggadom."
"Just soon they see you, just 'Nigga, nigga, nigga. Remember that shit I gave you last week, nigga? It's nothing, nigga. It's nothing. Nigga, it's nothing. This shit right here, nigga! This shit right here, nigga! Right here, this shit nigga!' Always has some fucked up name. 'It's kryptachronicunnalite, nigga!'

"You done got with us niggas--now you talking about, "You fucked up my self-esteem." Bitch, it's called SELF esteem. It's esteem of your mother-fuckin' SELF, Bitch!" Pimp Chronicles, transcript

"Long as you been living, you ain't NEVER heard of a mother-fucker overdosin' on marijuana. You might-a THOUGHT that nigga was dead--he ain't dead. He gonna wake up in 30 minutes hungry enough to eat up everything in your house. That's the side effects: hungry, happy, sleepy."Pimp Chronicles, transcript


[Katt is pantomiming the following conversation from his childhood.]
Teacher: Katt, stand up.
Katt: ...Bitch I am standin' up." [speaking directly to the audience] I hate her so much, I really do.
Teacher: "Katt, spell 'kitchen'."
Katt: I tell you, I sounded it out as I had been instructed to do. Kit-chun, kit-chun. K-I-T, ch-ch, C-H-E-N.
Teacher: Very good, very good, spell 'Knife'
Katt: Once again, I sounded that motherfucker out. NNN-I-FUH-UH, NNN-I-FUH-UH. N-I-F-E
Teacher: No, I'm sorry, It's K-N-I-F-E. [pantomimes an incredulous look and looks down as if speaking to fellow classmates] This bitch is stupid, she really is.
Katt: [raises hand] Yes, that would be kuh-nife. Kuh-kuh, kuh-nife.
[ Returns to speaking directly with the audience]
"This is what she told me in front of the whole class; she said, "The 'K' is silent." I said, "Then take that quiet motherfucker out, it's confusing me." Right after class, I cut that bitch with a k-spoon. Just, what the fuck, is you talkin' 'bout!?"
"Math was my favorite subject, 'cause everything that bitch said I could verify." Two and two is four. [holds up four fingers on his right hand and stares at them] ...Damn sure is. [does the same with his left hand] All the time nigga, all the time.
Then one day she just flipped the script; 3x + y = what? [pantomimes an incredulous look and looks down as if speaking to fellow classmates] This bitch is still teaching, can you believe this shit? [raises hand] Did you know that some of them was letters!? Yes bitch, that's for words and sentences."

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